Date: Sun, 30 Apr 2006 00:26:12 -0700 (PDT)
From: Snwdemon <snwdemon@yahoo.com>
Subject: Playing the game Chapter 9 {M/t, M/b, no sex}
WARNING: This story contains descriptions of sexual acts involving
MINOR boys. I wish to explain that this story is not true! Further, it is
not intended to promote illegal acts against minors, but to demonstrate
that young boys can love each other even when adults believe that they are
too young. The sexual acts described in the story are the result of my
imagination. I have not performed these acts, and I do not encourage
others to perform them with minors. If the subject of boy/boy or
homosexual love between minors offends you, or this material is illegal to
possess in your place of residence, or if you are under the legal age to
possess such material, do not read further!
By downloading this story: You implicitly declare and affirm under
penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor
and are entitled to have access to material intended for mature,
responsible members of society capable of making decisions about the
content of documents they wish to read ." The story is copyrighted under
my pseudonym, Snwdemon. A copy has been placed in these archives for your
enjoyment. The story cannot be used to derive monetary gain. However, if
you want to place a copy of this story in your free access archives please
email me for my permission. The story cannot be placed in archives that
require payment for access, or printed and distributed in any form that
requires payment either directly or indirectly. Any similarity to
individuals, living, or dead, is partially accidental. Reference is also
made in context to locations, businesses, characters, and people to define
the story line. No other implication about the true sexuality or actions
of the people, or places mentioned is intended.
Author's Note: Hey everyone, it's me again. Well, here is the
latest installment of ROdie's story. I hope that you enjoy it because this
was the hardest chapter to write in his story so far. I knew where this
part should end, but it was getting to that ending that was the most
difficult. I hit a wall, and tried several approaches before trashing them
all. I eventually started throwing ideas at my proof readers/editors for
this chapter, and got the same results. Finally, I hit on the correct
theme, but it still took two dozen revisions before I finally finished the
chapter to my satisfaction. I still had a disagreement about certain
events in this chapter, but ultimately had to choose between what I wanted
for this story, or what the others wanted. So here it is, without final
proofing because I know that it may not make some of my fans and assistants
happy about some elements in the chapter. This also ends the four chapter
portion of the story titled Learning the game, and the next and final part
of the story will be titled the same as the story title -- Playing the
game. Again I want to thank everyone for their patience, and also thank
those who assisted me with this chapter. Damion
Playing the game: Rodie's story cont.
Chapter 9: Learning the game -- Part 4
September 2000:
After the incident involving the letter, things did not improve,
but instead became worse. The tension at home was building between all of
them, and Rodie retreated inside his self more as each day past. His panic
attacks and nightmares became more and more frequent, while he slipped
deeper into his depression which only caused him to withdraw inward more.
As Rodie withdrew from everyone, this caused him to distrust those closest
to him. They all worried about his increasing slippage into depression and
distrust, but the ones that were hurt the most were Jim and Cathy. As
Rodie's behavior became more erratic, even as Jim tried to discover the
source of Rodie's growing distrust and depression, but even he was unable
to get Rodie to talk about it. Rodie became surly and short tempered with
all of them, and this only made things worse. Jim spent his time trying to
calm everyone, and to keep the peace, but even his patience was becoming
frayed.
Things finally reached the breaking point at the end of September
when Rodie locked himself in his room and refused to respond to any of
them. When Jim unlocked the door, he found Rodie curled up tightly in a
ball in a corner of his closet. He quickly called Mike, Cathy and John,
and Eddie and told them that he didn't know what was wrong with him. Mike
told them to bring Rodie to the hospital, and he would meet them there.
After a quick examination, Mike said that Rodie's trance like state was
caused by his anxiety and depression. He told them that Rodie needed
immediate psychiatric treatment, or he could end up in a permanent
catatonic state. Mike explained that his memories of what his father did
to him, plus all of Rodie's painful memories that he had from being
rejected and shunned by everyone, and now the letter from Paul was too much
for him to cope with. Therefore, his brain function, thinking process, and
ability to reason had just shut down.
"Look, Bright Eyes is in serious trouble right now. He is barely
responding to pain, or touch, and if we don't find a way to stop his slide,
we could lose him forever. I believe that he is suffering from a seldom
seen but severe type of Post Traumatic Stress. He has been suffering from
this disorder since I first met him, and everything that has happened has
only made it worse. The letter was the catalyst, and that pushed him over
the edge. However, we can't just send him to any psychiatric hospital
though because of his talents. Therefore, I suggest that we contact Mikki,
and see what she can do." Mike said to John, Cathy, Eddie, and Jim. They
had gathered in the small lounge in the hospital where they had all met
Mikki for the first time.
"You are right Mike, I will call her immediately," Cathy said as she
stood up and grabbed her purse to locate Mikki's phone number.
"No Cathy, I can reach her. I don't do this very often though, as a
matter of fact, I've only done this once before. I need everybody to join
hands," Jim told them and they all linked hands forming the circle. "Now
all of you, just think about saying `Little Mother" as loud as you can in
your minds." They did as he instructed, concentrating on mentally calling
for their Little Mother. After a few moments, they all felt her reassuring
presence with them.
"Yes my children, I am here. I am hesitant to ask why you called
because my dearest one would only do this if the matter was an extreme
emergency." She said to them all as she linked their minds together, and
enabled them to sense the others thoughts so they could all participate.
"Dearest one, since you called, you tell me what is the problem that
I sense from all of you?" Mikki asked Jim, and Jim filled her in on
everything that happened with Rodie since she had left. He told her about
the letter, and how Rodie had been slipping away from them ever since until
Jim had found him in his current state.
"Dear one, where is my littlest one right now?" Mikki asked Mike.
Mike told her that Rodie was in the same room he was in when he was here
last. Mikki thanked him, and her presence left them. After standing
quietly with their arms still linked for almost five minutes, Mikki's
presence returned to them.
"You are correct my dear one, our littlest one is in trouble, but I
know where he can be helped. However, I must insist that Nell, and another
patient accompany him. The patient is my lost one, the young boy named
Stevie. Unbeknownst to all of you, he is also quite talented just like our
littlest one. Go now, my dear one, and make the arrangements please."
Mikki said to Mike, and he quickly left the room to find Nell.
"First of all, how could all of you let this happen? You knew that
he was not well, and I specifically told you to watch him, and to call me
if anything changed." Mikki said to all of them, and they could all feel
her displeasure towards them.
"Well, this issue will have to wait because we have much to do.
Now, I must ask that each of you to do something that will pain all of us,
but it must be done. The hardest task will be yours my daughter, and I
know how you love our littlest one, but you have to give him up. Set him
free so that he can once again find his way in life again, because if you
do not, then our littlest one will be lost to us forever and die." Mikki
said to Cathy, and all of them could sense their bond of love that Mikki
and Cathy had with each other. They also could sense her confusion about
what Mikki was asking her.
"I don't understand Little Mother? How do I set him free?" Cathy
asked with much confusion.
"I am asking you to let go of your son. Relinquish parental
guardianship of Rodie to Jim for the time being, and do not ask or expect
Rodie to consent to John adopting him at this time, or being a member of
the family for now. He is torn between his love for Jim, and his love for
Mark. He is afraid that any decision he makes would somehow end his hope
of being together with both of them. I know that you have all tried to
explain it to him that there isn't anything to prevent them from being
together except his own childish fears. However, we all must remember that
he is still a child, and as he gets older, he will see his foolishness; but
for now, he simply cannot understand this, and this is one of the reasons
he has slipped this far away from us. You need to not only give up your
guardianship, but you must also sever the bond that has connected you with
him. By doing this my daughter, it will allow him to find his own way once
I take him away, it may be months or even years before you see him again,
but he will come back to you. Now, are you willing to do this my
daughter?" Mikki asked Cathy. Everyone could sense her pain as she
realized what Mikki was asking her to do. It felt to all of them as if
someone was taking Cathy's heart and soul, and ripping it from her body.
After a long period of silence with her head bowed, Cathy looked up at
them. Her cheeks were wet from her tears when she spoke to Mikki.
"Is there no other way Little Mother? Couldn't I step back and not
interfere?" Cathy asked her.
"I'm afraid not my daughter. Rodie has lost his will to live, and
one of the reason's for that is because of you. Nothing you have done has
caused this my daughter, because all you have ever done was protect and
love him. However, the link that bonds him to you is the cause. Rodie has
never had to exercise his own will before because he has always had you
there for him. He doesn't know how to exert his will because he has always
relied on the bond between you and him, and has always gone along with
whatever you decided. Even when you've left the choice to him, he has used
the bond with you to learn what you would do, what your will is, and that
has always been the course he followed. However, for him to recover now,
you have to put him into the position where he has no choice but to learn
how to use his own will to achieve the things he desires most. He cannot
have the bond between you and him to rely on, and this will force him to
make his own choices and to find his path in order for him to find his own
happiness." Mikki explained as gently as she could to Cathy.
"I see Little Mother, and you are right. Rodie does rely on me and
does what I would choose to do if I were him. The only real choices Rodie
as ever made in his life was his decision to love Jim, and Mark. Though it
hurts me to do this, I will do as you asked Little Mother. I will do what
ever it takes to help him get better, even if it means that I have to let
him go." Cathy said to them all while her face clearly showed the pain she
was in by doing this. John put his arm around her, breaking the circle as
he embraced her as she cried. Although the circle was broken, Mikki's
presence did not fade away. Next, she focused on Eddie.
"You also will have to give up something dear to you my son. The
pain of what happened to our littlest one will never lessen or go away from
the place where it happened. However, I think that his pain could be
turned into something good to counter the evil that occurred there.
Therefore, when he asks, do as he wishes with the house. I know, Dear one,
that it was your dream home, but how do you feel about it now?" She asked
him silently without including the others.
"It is no longer our dream home Little Mother, not after that night.
We could barely control ourselves when we went back to move everything out.
Even Brutis refused to go back inside. I can see why Rodie is unable to
even come close to the house now, and we are more than willing to do
whatever Rodie asks of us Little Mother." Eddie told her while managing a
mental smirk at her.
"I love you too dear one, now let me take care of my dearest one and
the others, and then I will be there in the morning." She told Eddie while
letting him feel the love she had for him. Jim could feel her presence
centering on him, and he let his love and respect for her flow out of him.
He felt her acknowledgement before her presence left him and focused on
John.
"I already know what you are willing to do my dear one," she said to
John who was still embracing Cathy. "However, your sacrifice that you have
chosen is not the one our littlest one needs. You need to do as my
daughter has done, and let go of those dearest to you."
"You mean that I have to give up custody of Mark and Eric?" John
asked with a confused expression on his face.
"No dear one, that isn't required, but I do need both of my little
ones in order to save our littlest one. You have to allow them to
accompany Rodie and Jim. Again, it may be months, or even years before you
see them again, so are you willing to do this for our littlest one's sake?"
She asked John, and after a moment's hesitation, he answered.
"Yes, I will allow them to go as long for as they are needed." John
told her. He could feel her approval and blessing after he answered her,
and he knew it was the right choice. Then her presence left him and moved
to Mark and Eric.
"Now my little ones, I told you before that I needed both of you to
heal my littlest one. Now the time is here for you to do just that. I
know that it will be difficult to leave your home and family, but you have
to in order to save our littlest one." She told them as they stood there
holding hands. Both Mark and Eric looked at each other and nodded their
heads in agreement.
"There isn't a problem Mikki, because we love him and will do
whatever you ask to save him." Mark said to her while Eric agreed with
him.
"Good then, both of you go and pack your things because we will be
leaving tomorrow. Bring everything you will need because it will be a long
time before you return home." She told them both as her love surrounded
and infused them. Finally, her presence returned to Jim and he already
knew of the responsibility that he now had.
"My Dearest one, I already know that you will do what ever has to be
done in order to make our littlest one whole again. This is why it pains
me now to ask you this. For the sake of the one you love so much, what are
you willing to give up in order to make him whole again?" She asked Jim as
her mental presence embraced him lovingly.
"You should already know Little Mother. I will give all of them up
just as Cathy and John have done to see him whole again. I love all three
of them, and I would walk away if required," Jim told her honestly.
"I know you would, and the time may come when you will have to do
just that, but for now I need you to help our littlest one as he learns to
heal my lost one. Only he can do this, and he has to learn, so he will
need you to guide him. My little ones will each him how to heal others as
they heal him. You need to be their guide, and to protect all of them from
making the mistakes you make with Byron. Once our littlest one heals my
lost one, then all of our sacrifices will be returned to us. Now, let me
say goodbye so I can pack, and I will see all of you in the morning." She
told him before reaching our and including the others. "Time is short, and
I've much to do. All of you know what you have to do, and what is expected
from you. My daughter, remember that you will sever your bond with him
tomorrow as we are leaving and not before then. Our littlest one is awake,
but very confused and frightened. Go and comfort him and I will see all of
you in the morning." Mikki said to them all as she let her love for each
of them flow out to them. Then she was gone, from their minds and hearts.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once Mikki arrived, the first thing she did was to speak with Cathy,
and then to Rodie. When Rodie saw her, he let go of his last little bit of
resistance, and started slipping away. However, Mikki stopped him,
psychically hauled his beaten soul back from the edge, and then bound him
to Mark and Eric so he could not attempt that again. When he finally
opened up and shared everything with her about why he felt like this, and
how things had progressed to this point. He told her how he had tried to
talk to his mom, but that she couldn't understand because she was too
preoccupied with all of the arraignments for the wedding and with the
delis. Ever since she went into business with Eddie, she had become more
and more distracted with everything, and ignored him just like his father
used to do. If he tried to talk to her and she was busy, she would just
tell him to ask Jim if it couldn't wait and forgot about him. She started
becoming short tempered with him, and increasingly became angrier at him
when they argued until the last time. They argued over him not going to
therapy because he was so sore, but she told him that he had to go and he
balked which caused the last argument. They both exchanged heated words,
and then Jim sided with him and she exploded. She told Jim to stop
interfering, or that she would make Rodie move in with her before slamming
her fist into the wall as she stormed out of the room. This really scared
him because everything was happening all over again just as it had with his
father, and he was terrified that he was doing the same things to her that
caused his father to change and hurt him. So to stop that from happening,
and because he was convinced that he was the problem, he decided that he
had to go away in order for her to be happy again. This was why he began
withdrawing while at the same time his fears that he was the problem were
causing the panic attacks and nightmares. He now believed that he ruined
everything no matter what he did to change things, and now he had caused
the most important person in his life to start turning into the monster his
father had become, so he had no reason to live.
Mikki knew that Rodie would attempt to kill himself again as soon as
he got the chance because he no longer had the will to live, so she
deliberately pushed him into sleep. Next, she had Eddie get a hold of the
others, and inform them about Rodie's precarious predicament and the
suicidal depression he was in. Mike agreed with her, and had Rodie
medicated to keep him asleep until they could transfer him safely to a
place to treat him. Finally, she called everyone together for a meeting at
Mike's house. She was very upset with all of them, and left them waiting
once they arrived. After two hours, Cathy and John were ready to leave
when she came in with Mike and Jim. She told them all to sit down sharply
in their minds which caused them to stagger from the force of her will.
She spared none of them from her wrath, including Mark and Eric, and they
all obeyed her command. After she had broken each of them down until they
no longer had the will or strength to resist, she finally relaxed her will.
The only one's she spared from her attack were Marco, and Mike since they
had not contributed to Rodie's demise, while only just touching Eric with
her displeasure since he was still a child. However, Jim, Eddie, John,
Mark, and Cathy received the full brunt of her wrath. She had them sit
down before moving to one of the chairs in Mike's living room and sitting
down also. When she spoke to them, they all could feel her discontent with
each of them, and her words were sharp and bit deep. After going around
the room, and chastising each of them with her feelings of disappointment
and displeasure. She told Eric, Eddie, and Mark how she was disappointed
that they did not intervene sooner, and allowing him to progress to this
point. Then she chastised Jim and John for being blinded by their love
which allowed Cathy and Rodie to nearly destroy each other with their
clashes of will. Mark, Eric, John, Eddie, and Jim all hung their heads in
shame when she looked at them before she looked directly at Cathy.
"I truly hope that you are happy with yourself now. If it were not
for me subduing his mind, and Mike medicating him to the point of a coma,
then your son would be dead right now. Is that what you wanted for him?"
Mikki asked her while letting everyone present hear her. Her words were
like an invisible blow to Cathy who looked to Mike for confirmation.
"It's true Cathy, Rodie wants to die, and will die as soon as she
relaxes her control. She is the only thing that is stopping him from
killing himself right now, and I don't know if she can restore his will to
live again. She let me share in his feelings, and what I learned was that
you have convinced Rodie that he is, and always has been, the problem.
Therefore, he has chosen to die so that all of you can be happy as a
family." Mike told her solemnly before looking around at all of them.
Cathy and John were torn to pieces when he said this, as were the others as
each of them realized how they all had put their own desires to be a family
over helping Rodie to recover. Cathy and John could also see how much they
had hurt not just Rodie, but Mark and Eric too, by ignoring their concerns
about Rodie's rapidly increasing fall into depression. Most of all, Cathy
knew that she alone was to blame, and she resolved to fix this mistake and
save her son. Nobody said anything for almost 15 minutes, and just sat
quietly as they thought about everything. It was Cathy who spoke first.
"Alright, what can we do to help him? I was wrong and selfish, but
he should not have to pay for my mistake. So what can we do to fix this?"
She asked Mikki.
"I don't know my daughter, all of you have broken the trust between
him and you, and so I do not think that anything you say to him will fix
this. Cathy, you really scared him by becoming angrier at him just as Paul
did, and this caused him to withdraw to the person he trusted the most
besides you which is Jim. However, all of you forget that he is still a
child, and has a child's temperament. You hurt him by breaking his trust
in you, so he lashed out by being "bad and talking back" hoping that you
would be willing to send him away with Jim until things were resolved.
Instead of doing that, you reacted exactly as his father had, with anger
towards him, and threatening to take away the one thing most dear to him.
You could have done no less damage if you just drove a stake through his
heart because you have now convinced him that everything that has gone
wrong in his life is his fault just like his father told him. You never
realized that Rodie wasn't afraid that Paul would hurt him because he knew
that he would, but he was afraid that Paul would hurt you. That is why he
kept silent about the things Paul did to him because he was trying to
protect what was most dear to him, just as he is trying to do now by dying.
The only chance I have now is to take him away from all of you, with the
exception being Jim, Mark and Eric, to someplace where he can be treated,
and we can work with him. He views his gifts as a curse that you passed on
to him, and if he's to have any chance of living then we have to change his
belief. He has to use his gifts to help heal someone else who is similarly
gifted in order to change his belief, and the only place where he can do
that is at Oaklawn." Mikki told her.
"What is this place little mother?" Jim asked her. For as long as
he had known Mikki, he had not heard of this place.
"It is a special hospital that I helped create a long time ago. It
is the only place in the world where naturally gifted children like Rodie
can go for medical treatment without them having to protect themselves by
keeping their gifts a secret. Mike knows about it because he contacted me
a couple of months ago about one of his patient's who should be there. It
has a complete staff of doctors including psychiatrists who know and
understand about the gifts these children have. They should be able to
help him get through his depression, but I do know that to remedy the
situation for him here, Mark and Eric will have to do that. I am afraid
that once he gets through his depression though, that he may not want to
return here to you. I hope that is not the case, but it is a real
possibility right now. Therefore, all of you need to prepare yourself in
case this comes to pass," she explained to all of them.
"We know little mother," Jim said referring to him and Eddie. "That
is why we walked away from our families after Byron died. We left and
never looked back, and neither of us knows if they are still alive, or not.
We still care about them, but to them we are dead. That is the price we
paid in order to find our own happiness."
"I know dearest one, you alone of all my dear ones here knows that
nothing comes free and that everything requires a price to be paid." She
said with a look of respect and love on her face.
"I think we can fix things here with Rodie, but like Mikki just
said, it is going to require each of you to pay a significant price in
order for that to happen. There are only two options here, and I think all
of you know that it will cost you something dear, so think about that.
Now, you need to decide if you want Rodie in your lives in the future, and
if so then what are you willing to give up to make it happen; or are you
willing to let him go and never see him again for the rest of your lives.
I just want to say that if you do decide to let him go, then I won't see
you again because I am going with him." Jim told all of them. Then Mikki,
Mike, and him got up and left the room while they thought about their
choices. Nobody spoke for twenty minutes as each of them thought about
their choices, and then Eddie spoke.
"First, I just want to say that I am just as guilty as everyone else
in allowing this to happen, and I am willing to do whatever it takes in
order to help Rodie and be part of his family. The only question that I
have for all of you is if you feel the same way, or are you willing to let
him go? If you let him go, then you will never see him again, and I mean
exactly that because we made that choice, and we walked away knowing that
day that our families were gone, and that we were dead to them. It's been
23 years now, and we have never looked back, never thought about what if,
and never desired to go back. That was the price I paid to save my best
friend, and I would do it again if I needed to. Now, all of you are now
faced with the same decision I had to make 23 years ago. Therefore, you
have to keep in mind that once you make that choice, there is no going back
ever." He told them honestly. Then he went around the room and asked each
of them to just say yes or no, with yes meaning they wanted Rodie to stay
in their lives, and no meaning that they would let him go. Every one of
them said yes, and then Eddie went to let the others know that they had
reached their decisions. He returned with Mikki and the others who resumed
their seats.
"I was told that you have all chosen to stay with Rodie, so now I
just need to know what you are willing to do in order to make this happen."
Jim told them all once he was seated. "I do not know if it will cost what
each of you are willing to do in order to save him, but once you place it
in the pile, then you know that at some time in the future that it will
cost you what you offer today understood?" They all nodded, and Jim got
down to business.
"I think that we already know what Eddie and Marco have already
sacrificed for Rodie. They made their choices just like I did a long time
ago, and now their dream home sits empty. They have given it up, and they
have agreed to let Rodie decide what should be done with it. Mike, please
tell the others what you are giving up to keep Rodie in your life," Jim
said to him.
"Well, none of you are probably aware of this since I am fond of
boys, but I was happily married for over twenty years. I lost my wife to
breast cancer, and have been alone for the last seven years. When Rodie
came into my life, I loved him the moment I saw him, but I didn't know that
he was giving me much more in return. After he got hurt, I was able to not
only find someone I could love as dearly as my wife, but he gave both of us
his gift of love and trust. That allowed me to not only share my feelings
with him, but also with Nell. Since he gave us his gift, we have grown so
close to each other, and we know it is because of Rodie's gift. Now he
needs us to return something dear to each of us to prove that we still
cherish his gift of love and trust. Therefore, I am giving him Nell, so
she can accompany him to this place Oaklawn. Maybe she will come back to
me, maybe she won't, but my sacrifice is worth it if it allows him to live,
and grow up." Mike told them all, and they were surprised about his
feelings for Nurse Nell Rodgers. However, they all now understood that
this could not be taken lightly, and that what they put up could cost them
that.
"Mikki and I are excluded because of the obvious reasons, so that
only leaves you four. I believe I already know what all of you are willing
to do except for you Cathy. Therefore, correct me if I am wrong. Eric,
you love Rodie and the one thing you desire the most is that you want him
to be your brother, and in order to save him now you are willing to give
that up." He said to him and Eric just nodded his head as his tears flowed
down his cherubic face. He did not understand why he had to give this
desire up, but he knew that he had to in order to save his best friend.
Next, Jim looked at Mark.
"We already know what you gave up for him, you set him free, and you
let him go his own way so he could be with me." Jim said softly as his
face showed Mark all of the love and gratitude that he had for Mark, and
then he looked at John. "You are willing, and always have been willing to
give up Cathy in order for him to be happy, but I don't think that it will
come to that because he needs you John, he needs you to be his father in
order for him to forgive and forget everything that Paul did to him." Now
he looked directly at Cathy, "I don't know what you can do to help Cathy."
"I know how to fix things. Mikki was right because there is no
other choice." Cathy said quietly as her eyes filled with tears once more.
They all turned their attention to her, and watched quietly as she stood up
and did the only thing she could do to show Rodie that she loved him and
always would. It was the ultimate act of love that a mother could do for
her child, so she let him go.
"Jim, tomorrow I want you to file for legal guardianship and custody
of Rodie. I will not oppose you in any way, and I hope that he will be
able to forgive me one day. No matter what happens in the future, don't
you ever make him cry, and tell him that I love him and always will love
him." She said as she looked at Jim while severing the bond between
herself and Rodie before leaving the room in tears, and walking out of
Rodie's life.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 2001, (11 months later)
Rodie woke up early as usual so he could watch the sun rise out of
his window. His room was the only room to have the large, panoramic window
in it instead of the small utility type of windows throughout this place.
The place was Oaklawn Pediatric Rehabilitation Institute, and since coming
here at the end of September, 2000, Rodie had accomplished many things, the
most important things were that he had completed his recovery from his
suicidal depression, and completed his search too. He was now 12 years old
now, and it had been two years that have past since the night his father
died. Since coming here almost a year ago, he had matured greatly in many
ways and was well on his way to adulthood emotionally. He had been a mess
when he came here, and he was very scared and wary at first until he
learned that Mikki had co-founded this place in 1975. The only way he was
able to survive the first month here were because of Jim, Mark, and Eric.
It was their love and guidance that brought him though those first dark
days here. Other than Mark and Eric, and occasionally Jim; he had no other
contact with anyone except the doctors who were treating him for his
depression. They had stayed with him, and helped him face the fears and
memories that caused his depression. Most of all, it was Eric who had
helped him find his way out of the darkness. Eric taught him how to be
strong, and how to face his fears. Mark taught him how to love himself and
others, and how to have faith in his self too, while Jim was always there
to love and comfort him no matter what happened. When it came time for
them to leave, he was heartbroken, but he also knew that they had to go so
he could continue to recover. He also knew that he could finish his
recovery on his own because of everything they had given him, and because
he was ready to resume his search again.
Over half of the 80 kids that stayed here for treatment at Oaklawn
were like him, and had special talents similar to his own. Now, Oaklawn
had just completed its new facility in Nags Head after Rodie had donated
the property Marco and Eddie had given him, and more than half of the money
his father had left him to Oaklawn. They were planning to name the
dormitory wing `Rodie's house' in his honor when they opened in two weeks.
Rodie would be one of their first patient's although he would not stay
there, but be an outpatient instead. The first residential patient there
would be Stevie because Nell was transferring there to be the head nurse in
charge of the entire nursing staff. However, now it was time for him to
leave this place that has been his home for almost the last year, and he
was sad. After Mark and Eric left him, he had quickly learned that he was
by far the most talented person here including the staff with the only
exception being Stevie. He loved this place and everyone he knew here
because they all knew about his talents, and they had similar talents of
their own. Therefore, he was accepted, and welcomed by the other kids and
staff, and he had no need to hide anything here. He was able to devote all
of his newly learned willpower and strength into recovering from his
disabilities and the suicidal depression he was suffering from without
worrying about someone discovering his talents. In addition, for the first
time in his life, Rodie was able to just be himself and make friends who
liked him for who he was and not because of what he could do.
However, he was sad because he was going home today and leaving this
wonderful place and all of his new friends. He had tried to recover at
home, but none of them had been willing to push him. Especially after the
incident with his father's letter and will. Another reason was that Rodie
just knew at the time that he had to leave his family one more time in
order for him to get better, and allow him to complete his search. It was
because of Nell really, since she had introduced him to a blond haired
6-year old boy named Stevie at the hospital the day after his mother had
left him, and Rodie knew in that instant that he was the one person who was
missing from his inner most circle. This little boy was the one who Rodie
had been searching for to complete his circle, and when Nell told him that
she and Stevie were coming to Oaklawn, Rodie had no choice but to come with
them. If anyone had asked him at the time, he could not have explained why
he needed this boy other than his instincts telling him that he was the one
because he did not know at that time that he needed to heal Stevie's wounds
in order for him to recover. Therefore, when Stevie left for Oaklawn,
Rodie had Dr. Mike arrange things for him to go with him.
He sniffled as he completed the last of his isometric exercises as
he looked out the window and watched the first rays of light begin to stain
the summer sky while he continued to think things through. Yes, he would
really miss this place because he was really happy here, but he desperately
missed home too, and most of all he missed his mom. So many things had
changed since his surgery that restored his ability to move, some things
that were good, and some that were bad. The bad had been when he changed
his mind about having John adopt him because he believed that it would
separate him and Mark forever, and then when he lost his mom. While the
best was when he had watched her from a distance, get married in November,
even though he was unable to talk to her. Back then, he was still hurting
and confused about her giving him to Jim, and walking away out of his life.
He could now see how childish he had acted at the time, and even Eric had
told him to grow up. The only good thing about it was that Jim was always
there for him, and now his legal guardian and had temporary custody of him.
Jim had moved to an apartment near Oaklawn when Rodie came here, and Mark
and Eric had stayed there until Rodie was no longer under a suicide watch.
Thinking back to that time, he remembered how confused everyone was,
especially him, when everything had changed so fast, and how hurt he was
when he left after his mom walked out of his life. However, once Jim,
Mark, and Eric had explained to him the reasons why his mother had walked
away, even he accepted the fact that it was the best decision for not just
him, but for all of them, but it still hurt more than anything his father
had ever done to him. While he was totally committed to Jim, Mark, and
Eric now, and knew that they would remain together forever, even if they
did not want to.
Other than the week he spent at the beach house with Jim and Mikki
in November for his mother's wedding, he had spent the rest of the time
here, by himself at Oaklawn, while Jim visited him almost daily. Once his
doctors had released him from the suicide watch, he settled in here
quickly. He made a commitment to himself that he wouldn't leave until he
was better, and could walk out the doors by himself. He also told Mark and
Eric to tell the others that he did not want them here with him, and to not
even come for a visit. He decided this with them because if he was going
to recover, then it had to be because he wanted it for his own self, and
not because he felt obligated to do it for them. This was his first ever
decision that he had made in his entire life because he wanted it for his
self, and not because he was trying to please someone else. With that
decision, Rodie took his first step in his search to discover who he really
was. All his life, he had done everything others wanted him to do in order
to win their approval and love. Now he was doing this for nobody but
himself with his new found strength and will that he discovered he had with
Eric's and Mark's help. The only exception was that he remained connected
and completely open with Jim, and did as he was told when Jim felt that he
was pushing himself to hard. Therefore, Jim already knew about the
surprise that Rodie was planning for the others. Eric and Mark also knew
too because after he got here, he realized how important those three were
to him.
Mikki was his teacher and he loved Jim completely, and Eddie was his
first true friend. However, Eric was the closest thing to a real brother
that he had, with the exception of Stevie now, and Mark was his future.
Therefore, when he needed someone to talk to someone about things he
couldn't, or wouldn't share with Mikki, or Jim, he knew he could count on
Eric. That is why he had confided with Eric at the time about his feelings
about having John adopt him. He told him that while their being together
was not illegal, that it would still feel morally wrong to him. It was
wrong because others would see them as brothers, and nothing could change
that fact. However, after he had arrived here, Eric had explained it in a
way that did make sense to him, and he could now see the damage he had
caused to his mom, John, and to Mark because he was being silly by letting
his fears run out of control. Faced with this truth now, Rodie realized
that he would never have to turn away from Mark no matter what he decided
to do about being adopted because they could be together, and would be one
day once they were both older.
Rodie knew he was seriously depressed after he read the letter, but
he did not realize how close he was to being suicidal at the time. Now, he
could see that he could not stay there at home if he was to have any chance
at recovering. It had been almost a year since he had spoken to his mom,
and he hoped that she would forgive him for all the things he had done to
screw everything up so bad. Therefore, he was planning a surprise party
for all of them, and he would tell them how sorry he was for messing up
everything so badly before begging them to forgive him for almost
destroying his family. By doing this, he hoped to heal the rift that he
had created between them, most importantly though, heal the rift with his
mother. He hoped to restore their special bond that had always connected
them together that she severed when she walked away almost a year ago.
It was the last thing he needed to do to complete his search now
that he had found Stevie, and that was to get his family back. His mom had
shocked him when she gave him up and walked away allowing Jim to assume
legal guardianship over him, even though it was what he had needed at the
time. With legal guardianship, Jim was now able to take care of him, and
make any legal decisions for him if he were unable to do so for himself.
Yet, it still allowed them to be together legally too without causing undue
suspicion from others with his displays of affection towards Jim. This way
also allowed Mark and Eric to have the mother they so desperately wanted
and needed, while also allowing Mark and him to be together later on once
they were older. When his mother had told him goodbye, and then broke
their bond, Jim was there to comfort him afterwards while the sting of her
decision was still painful and fresh. Everything had worked out in the
end, but Rodie's first steps towards finding his true self and his own
happiness were filled with uncertainty, pain, and sorrow, but now it would
include joy too hopefully.
He refused to think about the possibility of her rejecting him again
because he knew that his mom and him had suffered through too much pain
together already, and that she would forgive him once he told her the
truth. He had hated himself for a long time afterwards for having hurt all
of them like he did, and that had only made his depression even worse,
which is why he spent the first six weeks here under a suicide watch. He
was never left alone at any time for those first six weeks as he looked
inside himself. Then, with Eric's help and Mark's love and support, he
found the will, strength, and courage to climb out of the black pit he had
fallen into. When his doctors deemed that he was no longer a risk to
himself, Rodie sent Mark and Eric home even though it hurt him to refuse
any more of their help.
Again, it was Jim's love and understanding that gave him comfort and
the strength to follow through once he had made this choice. Jim did not
understand at the time why he was deliberately pushing every one he loved
away from him, but he went along with him, and comforted him afterwards.
He had done that because he did not want to drag them down into that dark
pit he had fallen into, and then afterwards he realized that he could not
let them help him as he climbed back out. The only thing that caught Rodie
off guard completely was the length his mother was willing to go to protect
him. After Mikki had left him to go talk to the others, he had waited
until she was gone before reaching out to all of them, and listening in.
His mom was ready to fight to the death over him, and it took all of his
strength and concentration for him to silently suppress her will, as he
fought against the medicine that Dr, Mike had given him, so that Mikki
could get through to her enough to make her change her mind. His mistake
was that he had suppressed it a bit too long because the medicine pulled
him into sleep and that was why Cathy did what she did. When he learned of
her decision, he thought that he could tolerate being separated from her
when she left, but when she told him goodbye that day, she also cut their
mental bond they shared too, and that is what hurt him the most because he
was not prepared for that to happen. It was that bond that he missed now
because since then he had been completely alone for the first time in his
life, and even though it had ended up helping him more because he knew that
he had to rely only on his self after that. It forced him to grow up, and
to take responsibility for his decisions and choices, which is what he
needed to do without knowing it at the time. However, he now realized that
he was still too young and needed that bond with her, so he hoped that he
would not be alone anymore after today.
Now as the edges of the sun peeked over the horizon, Rodie wiped his
eyes and blew his nose. While the last eight months had been a tumultuous
rollercoaster ride, he was excited and anxious to see everyone again and to
go home. Sitting up in his bed, Rodie lowered it until it was flat, and
scooted over to the edge until his legs were hanging over the side. He
reached over to the small dresser next to his bed and got the clean clothes
he was going to wear today out and laid them on the foot of the bed. Next,
he carefully laid out his cervical/thoracic brace, leg braces, and arm
crutches before carefully undressing until he was just wearing his bikini
briefs. Once he did this, he grabbed his clean undies and his towel before
sliding gently out of bed to his feet. He steadied himself on the edge of
the bed before retrieving his adjustable cane. Last of all, he grabbed his
small shower kit and put his towel and undies on top of it before heading
into the small bathroom in his room. Once inside, he brushed his teeth,
then sat down on the toilet and finished undressing before stepping into
the shower. He wanted to look his best for the others because none of them
knew that he was now able to walk unaided again, even though it was only
for short distances, with the exception of Eddie, Mikki, Jim, and possibly
Marco. That was his surprise that he was planning, and why he wanted to
look his best for them too. The other part of his surprise that even Jim
and Mikki did not even know about was what he had done to his hair. He had
turned to Eddie when he sought advice about this, and Eddie helped him
reach the best decision about this.
As he turned on the water, and adjusted the temperature, he thought
about the others possible reaction once they saw him. However, whatever
their reactions were, he was happy with his decisions. That was all that
really mattered now because now he knew and understood that it was his
choice and his responsibility for those choices, but he truly believed that
they would approve too. After standing under the hot spray for a few
minutes, Rodie proceeded to wash himself thoroughly, and washed and
conditioned his hair. Once he finished, he dried himself, then he brushed
and blow dried his hair as he stood naked facing the mirror before putting
on his clean underwear and going out to finish getting dressed. He had
chosen his clothing carefully, and put on the knee high socks before using
his leg braces for the last time. Next, he put his leg braces on and an
"A" style undershirt before putting on his white denim cargo pants with
snaps down the side of each leg. He was planning on hobbling towards them
when they came in, then he would take the leg braces off before walking
over to them with just his cane. He still needed the cane because his legs
were still a bit weak, and uncoordinated causing him to fall sometimes
after stumbling. Finally, he put on his new British Knights high top
sneakers, his new special cervical/thoracic brace and Polo shirt. The new
brace kept his upper spine and shoulders straight that reduced much of the
lingering pain in his arms, neck, and shoulders while still allowing him
almost complete freedom of movement.
He grabbed his cane, and proceeded out to the common area where he
saw Nurse Rodgers. After Rodie left the hospital to go see Dr. Goodman,
Nurse Rodgers met Stevie, and had spoken with Mikki about continuing to
work with him after Mike arraigned for him to transfer to here. It helped
Rodie a lot when he first arrived because he knew and trusted her, and she
helped him by introducing him to everyone after he was allowed to join the
other kids here. Nell was now like a surrogate mom for all of them, and
they all listened and respected her. Therefore, Rodie made his way over to
where she was sitting and sat down next to her. He was already sweating
from his exertion and wiped his brow with the back of his hand as she
greeted him. While he had made significant progress in his recovery, he
still was lacking in strength and endurance. It had only been last month
when he had reached the weight he used to be at before his appendix burst.
Even though he ate more now that he ever had, he quickly burned that up
during his exercises and therapy.
"Good morning Bright Eyes, you are up early, so will it be the usual
for you?" Nurse Rodgers asked him. Rodie leaned over and kissed her on
the cheek before rubbing his button nose against hers and smiling.
"Good morning Nell, and yeah, the usual sounds good." He said with
a grin while his green and gold colored eyes sparkled.
"Oh, my nose tells me that you are freshly scrubbed too. So are you
excited about today Rodie?" She asked him as she poured him a cup of
coffee before adding half and half and three sugars. When Rodie arrived,
he was the only kid here who drank coffee. Once he settled in and made
some friends, he started a coffee club, and now almost all of the kids here
were members of it. Even Stevie, who was only seven, was a member, but he
was limited to only a single cup of coffee in the morning. The Institute
had purchased some new coffee makers, and let them setup the Coffee Spot
that offered several different blends of coffee. The other kids quickly
discovered that the caffeine in the coffee helped counteract the effects of
their medications which usually made them sleepy all of the time. The
staff saw an immediate improvement in the kids' attention spans and in
their grades for the members of the Coffee Club. Now they suggested it to
all the kids here, but left the choice up to them.
Rodie thought about her question as he accepted his coffee from her
and took a sip. He felt excited because he longed to go home, and because
he missed all of them so much. However, he was sad because of all of his
new friends he had made here, and of the staff who have helped him so much
and enabled him to reach this point. His feelings showed on his face as he
thought about these things, so Nell just moved closer and pulled him into
her warm embrace while Rodie's tears began to slip down his face.
"I want to go home so much and miss them all, but I've been so happy
here and don't want to leave. I am so afraid that I won't be able to fix
things between us, and that they won't forgive me." Rodie said softly in
between sniffles.
"There, there, let's not have any of that. They all love you
dearly, and that will make things right between all of you. I know that
you will miss us here, and we will all miss you too. You have worked so
hard to reach this point, and I am so proud of you, but now it is time to
move on. You have your whole life ahead of you, and hiding here is not the
answer. In addition, there is nothing more that we can do to help you
improve here. Now you need to go home and to follow the path you have
chosen for yourself. Jim will help you now because you no longer need us
or this place. However, just because you are going home doesn't mean that
we will forget about you, and you can come back and visit whenever you
want. You can also keep in touch with all of your new friends too; now
don't cry because today is supposed to be a happy day for you. You know,
about twenty of your friends here are transferring to the new facility in
Nags Head because it is closer to their homes so you can visit them any
time you wish. You know that if you had never come here, then we would not
be opening a new facility like this one. But now we are, and we can help
even more special kids like you, and it's all possible because of you."
Nell said as she soothed him and wiped away his tears. Rodie knew she was
right, and he felt better as she rubbed his shoulders and back.
"I know, and you are right too, but I will still miss you the
most...unless you count Stevie." Rodie said as he sat up and wiped his face
before blowing his nose on his handkerchief. "I don't know what I would
have done if you had not come here with me."
"Thank you, but I think you would have done just fine. I am glad I
came here too because after you left, working at the hospital just wasn't
the same anymore. Here, I can see how much I am needed, and I will miss
you very much once you are gone. However, there are a lot of other kids
who need me here too like Stevie...especially Stevie." Nell told him and
Rodie nodded in agreement. Stevie was an Empath, and most likely a
Telepath too, but he came from an abusive home and has spent over half of
his short life in foster care. He had been bounced around from home to
home before coming here. While Rodie wasn't psychic, he knew that Stevie
had wormed his way into Nell's heart, and that they both needed each other.
Nell would eventually adopt Stevie, but Rodie kept this revelation to
himself.
"Yeah, Stevie does need you, he is a good kid, but he has been hurt
bad just like my father hurt me. Promise me that you will take care of him
once I'm gone ok?" Rodie asked her. When Stevie first arrived here, he
wouldn't talk to anyone until he met Rodie. He really had no choice but to
talk to Rodie since there wasn't anyway to prevent Rodie from talking to
him verbally and mentally. It didn't take long though for Stevie to open
up and bond with Rodie. Once Rodie gleaned from Stevie's mind what had
happened to him, Rodie also opened up and shared with him his most painful
memories he had about what his father had done to him. Stevie reciprocated
by telling what his stepfather and last foster father did to him and they
both cried for each other, and their tears cemented their bond with each
other forever. Since then they had been inseparable, and Rodie was
heartbroken when he had to tell Stevie that he was leaving. Stevie wanted
to come with him, but Rodie told him that he couldn't because once he was
gone, then Stevie would get what he had been wishing for. Stevie's only
desire was to be adopted by someone who would love him. Rodie knew that
Nell was that person, and why he was now putting Stevie's care into her
hands.
"I promise Rodie, I will take care of Stevie for you. However, he
won't be missing you for long though." Nell said to him without knowing
the responsibility Rodie was passing to her. "Ready for another cup?"
"Yeah, then I've got to go finish packing. It's probably going to
take me all day to say goodbye to everyone here though." Rodie said in his
soft voice as Nell made him another cup of coffee and handed it to him.
"No it won't because I've planned a "Going Home" party for you at
lunch time. That way you can say goodbye and everyone can say goodbye to
you. Also, at the party, someone special is coming to see Stevie so that
will help ease his [pain of you leaving. Now what time is everyone going
to be here to get you, and do you need me to help you finish packing?"
Nell asked him as she watched the surprise show in his face. Rodie
embraced her in a happy hug.
"You did all of that just for me Nell, its perfect. Thanks so much.
Mom and John, and the others should be here around 10 while Jim and Eddie
should be here around nine. I've got most of my stuff packed already, but
if I need help I will call you ok?" Rodie told her after hugging her
tightly. For the next 30 minutes, Rodie chatted with Nell about the
various plans for the day while drinking a third cup of coffee before
heading back to his room to finish packing. Rodie was just finishing up
when he glanced at the time seeing that it was 8:10 am. Just then, Stevie
shuffled into the room rubbing his eye with one hand, and holding the
stuffed unicorn that Rodie had gave him for his birthday in the other. He
shuffled in, went directly to Rodie, and hugged him. Rodie hugged him back
and kissed him on top of his head. He could see that Stevie had been
crying, and that he had a troubled night. He loved Stevie, and he had
given him a bond just like the bond he gave to Jim linking the two of them
together forever. Still, it took all of Rodie's will and love to teach
Stevie how to use his natural gifts, and the new gift that Rodie had given
him without being afraid about using them. This was why Rodie suspected
that Stevie was a telepath like himself because he had the ability if he
chose to learn how to use his gift.
"Good morning sleepy head," Rodie told him while Stevie sat down on
the bed next to him.
"Mornin Rodie," Stevie said with a big yawn. Then he looked around
Rodie's room, seeing all of the familiar neat things that Rodie had. "I
thought you were going to pack everything last night?"
"I did," Rodie said as he looked around at the things he had not
moved.
"But you left some of your things over there. You want me to help
you pack them?" Stevie offered with a slightly sad expression on his face.
Rodie knew that Stevie was trying to be strong, and not cry because Rodie
had asked him not to. However, Rodie knew that both him and Stevie were on
the verge of tears, and suspected that Stevie had cried himself to sleep
last night like he had. Therefore, he pulled Stevie into his embrace, and
hugged him again before having him sit next to him.
"No, I've decided not to take them. I'm going to leave them for the
next boy who stays here," Rodie told him as he looked around at the books,
models, toys, a few games, and six stuffed animals that he had collected
since he came here.
"I don't want anyone to move into your room...it won't be the same."
Stevie said in a sad, pout kind of voice.
"No it won't be the same, but I think you will like it here." Rodie
said with a straight face. It took a few moments for the meaning to sink
in to Stevie, and for him to react. When he realized what Rodie meant, he
looked up at Rodie with a surprised look on his face.
"You mean I'm going to stay here?" Stevie asked with growing
excitement. Rodie had one of the few private rooms here at the Institute
and the only panoramic window. Most were two or four occupant rooms like
Stevie's. Therefore, Stevie had very little space for his things, and he
never had any privacy either. However, Rodie had spoken to Nell and it was
agreed that Stevie would get Rodie's room until he transferred to the new
facility, and Jim had contacted Social Services and fixed things so that
Stevie would be allowed to stay at the Institute until he was permanently
placed in a family, or turned 18, which ever came first. However, Rodie
knew that once Stevie completed his rehabilitation & counseling program
that Nell would adopt him. Mike and her, had already started the paperwork
necessary to adopt him, and they had been granted legal guardianship over
him. That is how he ended up here at the Institute, because they had him
transferred from the hospital to here when she left. Once he transferred
to the new facility, Stevie would still have his own room just like this
one.
"This will be your room for as long as you need it Stevie, Nell made
sure of that." Rodie said to the young tow-headed boy. He surveyed the
room once more, while feeling a pang of sadness that he was leaving here
again. Stevie felt his sadness as he looked around the room one last time.
"You are sad, but you promised not to be sad." Stevie said with a
quiver in his voice. Rodie knew that Stevie was just reacting to what he
felt from him, and that he was still too young to fully understand and
control his abilities.
"I know I promised Stevie, and I am sad, but happy too. This is the
first place where I've felt safe, and accepted, and that made me happy. It
has been a long time since I have been happy, and I'm going to really miss
this place." Rodie told him as he put his arm around Stevie's shoulders.
Only Stevie understood what he meant because he was the only other kid here
who had suffered severe abuse from a parent. That was the reason that
Rodie and Stevie had bonded so deeply, because they both knew what it felt
like to be isolated and alone. While all the patients here have been
injured in some way, only Rodie and Stevie had those injuries caused by one
of their parent's or guardian's abuse. While Rodie had a spinal injury,
Stevie's injuries were to his genitals and hands. This was another reason
Rodie wanted Stevie to have his room, because he knew how embarrassed
Stevie was when he had to bath in the ward showers where everyone could see
what had been done to him. Now he wouldn't need to suffer the humiliation
because he had his own private bathroom and shower.
"Come on, I will help you bring your stuff here and get you moved in
ok. Mom won't be here for another hour or two." Rodie told him, and
Stevie hopped up with a wide grin when Rodie said this. Rodie followed
along behind Stevie as he skipped, hopped, and bounced along in front of
Rodie with boyish excitement. Stevie went and borrowed a push cart once
they reached his room while Rodie rested and waited for him. When he
returned, Rodie helped load all of his stuff, then waited while Stevie said
goodbye to his roommates, then they proceeded back to Stevie's new room.
Rodie helped him unload the cart and put everything away, and then he had
Stevie return the cart to where he got it. It was almost nine when they
finished, and Rodie was about to go out and wait for Jim and Eddie.
"Hey, you need to get dressed first, you can't come to the party
dressed in your pj's." Rodie told Stevie. Stevie blushed prettily almost
exactly like Rodie blushed.
"I guess I forgets `cause I's too excited." He said to Rodie
sheepishly.
"Its ok munchkin," Rodie said as Stevie bounded over and got his
clothes out of the small dresser. He stripped off his pajamas quickly
before standing up totally naked. Rodie then helped him get dressed
because he knew that Stevie still had trouble grabbing and manipulating
things with his hands. He held open the cotton briefs so Stevie could step
into them, and then pulled them up. He always felt a quick stab of anger
when he saw the scarred nub that was Stevie's penis. Once he was older he
would need to have reconstructive surgery on his penis, but until that
time, Stevie would just have to cope with the humiliation because of the
mangled stub that was his penis. The head was completely gone, and the
doctors managed to fashion the remaining flesh into a semblance of a penis
until they could fashioned him a new one once he was older.
Rodie remembered back to the first time Stevie allowed him to see
what damage his foster father had done to him. Feeling Stevie's shame,
Rodie showed him the scars on his own penis, and told him what his father
had done to him. This helped Stevie begin to deal with what had been done
to him. Only now, he knew that he was not the only boy that was injured
like he was. Rodie told him all about how it used to be crooked, and how
it hurt to pee until he had corrective surgery, and that once he was older
that the doctors could fix the damage just like they fixed his penis.
Stevie then said that they were the same only that Rodie was older, and
Rodie knew that it was true. This allowed both of them to talk about the
most painful things with each other that they couldn't talk about with
anyone else including the doctors here, and that allowed them to heal those
wounds that hurt so much. Now Stevie was the closest thing to a son that
Rodie has ever known, and it allowed him to understand exactly how his
mother, John, and Jim felt towards him. Now he was experiencing the pain
his mother went through when she left him, and Rodie knew that leaving
Stevie was going to be the hardest for both of them. They had both known
that they were what each other had been searching for when they met, and
they had promised each other that they would always be brothers forever.
Rodie helped him put on his jeans and snapped and zipped them up since
Stevie was still unable to do this by himself. His foster father had
stomped repeatedly on Stevie's hands, crushing many of the bones. The
surgeons were able to reconstruct the bones, but said that he may never
regain full use of his hands. However, Stevie was very smart, and he had
been working hard to learn how to compensate for these problems. Rodie
quickly finished helping him dress, then had him brush his teeth and comb
his hair even though it still remained spiked up afterwards.
"Come on, let's go get some coffee while we wait for Jim and Eddie,"
Rodie told him to which Stevie readily agreed. However, this time Rodie
used the motorized wheelchair instead of walking.
"Why are you using the scooter Rodie?" Stevie asked him when he saw
Rodie sit in it instead of using his crutches.
"I'm a bit tired right now, and Mom and the others don't know that I
am able to walk now. I want to surprise them when they get here so I'm
going to use the scooter just in case they arrive early, now get on."
Rodie told him, and Stevie climbed onto the back.
"Countdown now commencing...five...four...three...two...one...liftoff!"
Rodie said in his soft voice while also trying to make it sound deeper. He
pushed the control stick all the way forward and managed to pop a small
wheelie, while Stevie squealed with glee as Rodie sped out the room and
towards the common area. Once they got there, Stevie made coffee for both
of them, then using both hands, he carefully carried Rodie's cup over to
him being careful not to spill any. Rodie kept an eye on the entrance to
the main lobby and saw Eddie, Marco, and Jim come through the doors after a
few minutes. Rodie waved at them when they came in while Stevie called to
them. Stevie had assumed the role of being Rodie's voice since Rodie could
not talk any louder than a loud whisper while Rodie became Stevie's hands.
Eddie, Marco, and Jim joined them at the table after hugging first Rodie
then Stevie before sitting down.
"I see you and your partner in crime are already terrorizing the
place," Eddie said with a smile as he sat across from Rodie. Marco sat
beside him while Jim sat down next to Rodie on the opposite site of Stevie.
He quickly scanned the wheelchair before looking at Rodie with a
questioning expression.
"I've been up since 5:30 am, and now my legs are tired. Once I get
home, I really need to start endurance and strength training, and Marco
said that he would help me." Rodie quickly explained to Jim to ease his
concern. Jim had already verified this because of the special connection
he shared with Rodie. However, it also allowed Jim to know about
everything else too, and it was only out of respect and love that he
refused to use their bond to pry into Rodie's most private thoughts. The
only exception to this was when Jim was worried about Rodie's physical
health, and even then, Jim only gleaned just enough information to let him
know what was going on. It was discovered shortly after Rodie arrived here
that his heart had been damaged during the time when they had to
resuscitate him several times after his father tried to kill him. Rodie
had started experiencing chest and arm pain as he did the exercises
designed to strengthen his muscles, but he did not say anything about it.
It was only because Jim happened to be here for a visit, and felt Rodie's
discomfort even though he was trying hard to keep it hidden but the pain
was getting the better of him. Jim immediately informed the doctor who had
Rodie tested and discovered the damage. Since then, Rodie's rehabilitation
program was changed to prevent him from placing too much stress on his
weakened heart which is why he now did only isometric non impact exercises.
They were great for stretching his muscles and improving mobility, but did
little to help strengthen his muscles or build up his endurance. That is
why he was still weak and occasionally still needed the leg braces and arm
crutches. Except now, he could move around as much as he wanted and he no
longer needed assistance, unlike before where he wasn't strong enough to do
the simplest task.
"Well, if you want to surprise your mother, then we had better get
things set up because she should be here soon." Jim said to him as he
stood up slowly from the table. The others quickly followed suit, and
Stevie downed the last of his coffee in a single gulp. Rodie then handed
him his cup of warm coffee too.
"Here, you finish it. I've already had three cups. Just don't go
bouncing off the walls around Nell or she will skin both of us." Rodie
told him with a big smile, and Stevie quickly gulped down the coffee before
taking their coffee mugs to the dishwashing area and returning. Rodie told
him to go on ahead to the room, and that he would be there shortly because
he wanted to talk to Jim for a few minutes. Stevie nodded ok, and hugged
him tightly before hurrying off to Rodie's/his room. Rodie watched the
young scamp leave with a sad expression while his eyes began to water, and
didn't notice the others watching him.
"You really do love this place don't you?" Jim asked him as he sat
down next to Rodie. He just nodded in response as a tear slipped down his
face. "And what about him...do you love him too?"
"Even more than I love this place here," Rodie managed to say as
another tear made its way down his face. "It is like looking at myself
when I was his age. His unexplained need to make the people around him
happy, and how hard he tries to please everyone close to him. Most of all,
the pain he feels knowing that nobody loves him where ever he goes. I am
just happy he managed to find this place now though, so he won't have to go
through several more years of torment like I did before finding someone
like you." He said as more tears slid down his face.
"Has he found someone like you did?" Jim asked as he reached over
and gently wiped away his tears.
"Yeah...he has, two people really, only one of them just found out
not to long ago though." Rodie said with a small smile.
"Is that someone you?" Marco asked him as he resumed his seat
across from Rodie.
"Oh no, I knew the moment I met him, and so did Stevie. We are
brothers in every way except blood and always will be. We will never be
separated again, no matter how far apart we are, the same way we are always
together Jim. It's Nell who I was talking about and Dr. Mike too. I had
to keep pushing all of them together, but it finally worked." Rodie said
with a light laugh as he wiped his eyes and smiled.
"So you manipulated them into loving him then?" Eddie asked him.
"No, they already loved him before that. They even arranged it so
Stevie would be brought here after she transferred from the hospital.
However, you know how stubborn Nell can be about becoming attached to
patients. When Nell feels like she is getting too close, she gets all
professional then and pushes them away. She needs Stevie though, and he
needs her. It's Dr. Mike who didn't know. He loves Nell, and has for a
long time, but he just never pushed the issue with her. When Stevie came
to the hospital, Dr. Mike knew that he loved him just like you knew that
you loved me the first time we met. I just had to get him past the wall he
kept between them is all. Once Stevie transferred here, then that wall
just happened to be me. Once I removed myself, then Stevie did the rest
all by himself. Just don't say anything to Stevie though, because he
doesn't know that Nell and Dr. Mike are going to adopt him. Nell is going
to tell him that she is now his legal guardian today because we know how
upset he will be when I leave. I just...I just," Rodie said before choking
up and biting his knuckle as his eyes watered once more.
"I just didn't think it would be so hard for me to leave him is all.
I spent my whole life searching, and then I found you, Eddie, and Marco.
Then I found Mark and Eric, then you brought Mikki to me, and now I've
found Stevie. Therefore, it's complete now. My search is over," He said
once he was able to speak again. Finally unable to hold back his tears, he
just looked over towards Jim as his bottom lip began to tremble. Jim moved
closer and lifted him up into his arms just as Rodie's tears spilled down
his face. Eddie helped Jim steady himself as he hugged Rodie close to him,
and then started to pace as he soothed the small boy in his arms that he
loved so much. It only took a few minutes before Rodie regained his
composure, but his pain was still evident on his face.
"So you finally learned the rules," Jim said to him once Rodie
lifted his head and looked at him. A confused look came across Rodie's
face when he said this.
"The rules to the game of life, my love; there are only three of
them. One, love yourself. Two, do what is right for you to be happy.
Three, love others so that they may learn the rules for themselves. That
is all that the game of life is about, and all that we have been doing
since you came into our lives, and that was loving you so that you could
learn the rules. First, you had to learn to love yourself, and you did
when Eric and Mark came into your life. Then you learned the second rule
when you gave up the one thing you wanted the most, which was a father to
love you, so you could continue your search and finish learning the rules.
Now, you have just learned the last rule because you are letting go of
Stevie so that he can be happy and learn the rules to the game just like
you did as well as giving him what he needs to be happy. I know it is not
an easy game to play because it always means that you have to give up
something you love or desire in order to get what you truly need, and it is
a never ending circle. Mark gave you up so that you could have a father
who would love you, and then you gave that up so that you would not lose
Mark, and both of you loved Eric until he realized that you both had made
the correct choice. It will never be easy, and will always hurt in some
ways, but in the end, everything is always better for you. So do you
understand now my love?" Jim said to him as he watched the understanding
come to Rodie. Rodie nodded for a moment before returning Jim's gaze.
"I realized that I never needed a father to love me when I changed
my mind about John adopting me, because I just needed for you to love me.
And you did love me." He said before hugging Jim as tight as he could.
"And I always will Rodie. No matter what you do, or where the game
leads you later in life, you will always have me to return to." Jim said
softly into Rodie's ear as he hugged him tight, but gently too, before
kissing his head and face. As he held Rodie in his arms, it finally dawned
on him what he was feeling under Rodie's shirt. He lifted Rodie's head up
off his shoulder and looked at him. "Is that your hair I'm feeling?"
"Yeah, I completely forgot about it. It was supposed to be a
surprise. I hope that you like it." Rodie said a bit sheepishly as he
blushed prettily.
"If it's attached to you, then I will always love it," Jim told him
with a smile. Rodie then kissed him on the lips before rubbing his small
nose against Jim's and returning his smile. Jim carried him back over to
the wheelchair but stood Rodie beside it, and helped steady him while he
extracted his now butt length mane of straight jet black hair out from
under his shirt. Both Marco and Eddie "oh'd" when he revealed it.
"That's not your real hair, or did you find some miracle hair
growing supplement, because I will probably need it soon." Jim said with a
smile as Rodie showed off his beautiful mane. Jim could also see that
Rodie had been right, that his hair was a big part of his appeal when
people looked at him. Without it, Rodie would just be another too pretty
boy that people would forget quickly, and never bother to look for the
precious diamond behind those looks. However, his hair made him stand out,
and increased his appeal to the point that people would take the time to
get to know him. That explained Rodie's gift to make people love him after
just looking at him.
"No, it was Marco's idea, and Eddie found the person who did it. I
got hair extensions until my own hair grows back. Although I might not let
it grow back all the way now because it's awfully heavy, and hurts my neck
sometimes. With the extensions I can have it any length, and I can take
them out when my neck is hurting." Rodie explained with a confidant smile
that he used to lack before. Then, Rodie noticed the time, and let out a
cute little "eek." They quickly hurried to his room where he met up with
Stevie, who was rearranging the things in the room to where he wanted them.
Rodie had him take his arm crutches and go put them in the corner by the
main entrance. Next, Rodie sat in the wheelchair, and got situated before
covering up his legs just enough to hide his leg braces while still
allowing them to show around his ankles. While he did this, he explained
how they worked while letting Jim and Marco feel where they began on his
thighs to where they ended at his feet.
"The braces allow me to bend my legs just enough to walk upright
with or without my crutches, but they will also keep my legs straight even
though my legs are still too weak to support me for long periods of time
when I am walking or standing. That's why I didn't want the others to come
visit me for the last six weeks so I could surprise them. I don't know if
I will ever be fully able to walk unaided like Dr. Goodman said, but as I
get stronger, I'm able to do a bit more each time. I've peaked here for
what they are able to help me with here, so it's time for me to go home now
and finish recovering there. Eddie and Marco said that they found me the
perfect therapy center, but I will decide that once I get home. I can walk
without the braces, but just for short distaces only. It's just going to
be weird to not have mom around all the time like before. I just hope that
she will forgive me for what I did is all." Rodie told them as he got
himself settled in the chair, and Stevie came back carrying his unicorn
blanket that Rodie had gotten him for his birthday in April.
"I want you to have this Rodie, so that you won't forget me."
Stevie said with a sad little face. Rodie just pulled him close and hugged
him as his eyes filled up.
"No, that is yours Stevie. My gift to you for your birthday, so I
can't take it; and I don't want you to worry about me forgetting you. I
could never forget you, ever. You are the little brother that I never had,
and you always will be my little brother. I will always love you as my
brother, and you will always love me too, just like we promised each other.
Anyway, how can I forget you when I will be seeing so much of you?" Rodie
asked him as his tears flowed once more.
"But how will you sees me when you will be gone far away? Why can't
you stay here's with me?" Stevie asked him in a quivering voice as his own
tears slipped down his face.
"You know why Stevie, it's because they can no longer help me get
better here anymore. If I want to really walk again like you can, then I
have to go away to the people who can help me do that. And, you do want me
to walk again, don't you? Remember, it was because of you that helped me
to learn how to walk again, and to do so many other things too. I will
never forget that, or forget you either. I promised to visit, and you can
come stay the weekend with me when Nell thinks you are ready to after you
move to the new building. Also, you know that we will never be apart from
each other now because of my gift I gave you. We will always be together
no matter how far apart we are, and if you are feeling lonely, you just
have to call me and I will be here. Most of all, Nell needs you Stevie,
now more than ever since I'm going home. So you have to promise me that
you will take care of Nell once I leave, ok?" Rodie asked him as he wiped
away his tears while Stevie did the same for him.
"Ok, I promise, but she likes you better though," Stevie said with a
sad expression. Rodie kissed him and rubbed noses with him, making him
smile.
"Now you know that isn't true, she loves everyone here equally.
Whatever gave you that idea?" Rodie asked him. He watched as Stevie
looked down and fidgeted nervously like a little kid who got caught in the
cookie jar. He looked around guiltily before leaning close to Rodie and
whispering to him.
"I heards her on the phone the other day. She was talking about a
boy that was so cutes and adorable, and how she loves him mores than
anybodys else. Then Nurse Fletcher cames and I hads to runs away so I
didn't get caught." He said seriously. Rodie now understood, and thought
about what to say for a moment before answering him.
"Well I don't think she meant me because you remember the secret I
told you about me?" Rodie asked him, and his small brow furrowed as he
thought for a moment, then his face brightened and he nodded.
"You mean about you liking boys instead of girls, right?" He
answered honestly.
"Yeah, that one. Well you remember what she told me when I asked
her about it too, about how she didn't like it, and felt disappointed in
me, so I don't think she meant me when you overheard her. Also, it's not
nice for you to listen like that either because it would be the same if
someone listened while you told me a secret, and that would be wrong. So
don't do that anymore ok." Rodie explained to him, and Jim was proud of
the way Rodie gently corrected Stevie without hurting his feelings. He
could clearly see why it was so hard for Rodie to leave this young
tow-headed boy too, because they were alike in many ways.
"I won't dos it no more, I promise ok. So, does you thinks she
likes another boy thats we don't know about? Maybe she has a boyfriends
now." Stevie said to him seriously the way only a young boy his age could.
It made Rodie laugh and smile at him before pulling him close and hugging
him tightly.
"I don't know Stevie, but even if she does, she will still love you
and the others. Now I will use your blanket for the surprise, but I will
give it back ok. Another thing, Jim made sure that my phone stayed on for
you, so now you can call me whenever you want to talk to me ok. I wrote my
number on the paper under it, and Nell has it too just in case it gets lost
alright. Now, let's get ready to surprise my mom." Rodie told him, and
Stevie started bouncing up and down with boyish excitement when Rodie told
him about the phone. Once everything was resolved and Rodie was ready,
they all proceeded out towards the common area again with Rodie in his
wheelchair and Stevie riding along behind him. As they came into the
common area, Nell met them.
"Oh there you are, I was just coming to get you because your mother
just arrived. I saw them pull into the parking lot so they should be here
in a few minutes." Nell told him, and Rodie thanked her before hurrying to
the main lobby where they waited. Rodie stayed back with Stevie by the
doorway leading to the common area while Jim, Eddie, and Marco went to meet
them at the entrance. After a couple of minutes, Cathy and John came in
followed by Mark and Eric. Mark and Eric started towards him when Eddie
stopped them.
"Rodie has a surprise for all of you," Jim said as they looked at
each other with concern. Since Rodie had come here, there has been a wall
between him and Cathy. While Rodie had realized that he never needed his
father's love or approval, he still needed Cathy.
Rodie said something to Stevie, and he hurried over and fetched
Rodie's arm crutches. He then helped move the foot rests out of the way,
and steadied Rodie as he stood. Then he stepped back, and took each leg
brace as Rodie removed them by undoing the snaps down the sides of his
pants. Once he had snapped the pants legs closed again, Stevie followed
behind him with the crutches as Rodie walked unaided over to his mother,
although he was still a bit unsteady as he walked. Stevie watched as the
tears slipped down Cathy's face with each step closer that he took. When
he looked at Mark, he saw that he was crying also, as was John and Eric
too. Stevie's own eyes watered as he watched Rodie use his gifts to heal
the rift between him and his family, and he hoped that he would one day
have a family of his own to love. Rodie stopped just in front of them, and
scanned their faces before stopping on his mother's face.
"I said that I would leave this place when I could walk out the
doors, and now I can. So, it is time for me to come home now, if you still
want me to. I need to tell you something mom, and I'm sorry that it hurt
you so much." Rodie said to her and all of the sudden their bond was
restored. He told her everything like he promised, about his search, and
about finding Stevie, and then he let her see how much he had suffered
without her these last 11 months, and she understood. "It was the only way
for me to get you to let me go so I could find Stevie and come here, and he
was what I needed to get better. Now, I know that I still need you too,
and I've missed you so much. When you broke our bond, I was alone for the
first time in my life, and I didn't know what to do. I was lost, and I
couldn't find my way out of the darkness until Eric and Mark showed me the
way. It took a little while, along with Mark and Eric's help too, for me
to learn how to make my own choices so I can be happy instead of just doing
what everybody else wanted. It made me grow up, take responsibility for my
choices, and now I know what I want. I've been alone since that day you
left, and I realize that I don't want to be alone right now, and I just
want to be a kid again for a little while longer. So can you forgive me,
and be my mom again like it used to be before we came to the beach to get
away from my father? Please?" He said in his soft choked voice as his
eyes filled and his tears streaked down his face once again. Cathy just
sank to her knees and held out her arms for him, and Rodie moved as fast as
he could into her embrace. "I'm sorry...I love you mom."
"I love you too, and no matter what you did, I always will love you
no matter what. You are my baby, and you will always have a home with me.
I'm sorry too, for ignoring your pain and pushing you to let John adopt
you. I know you love him, but I wasn't there when you needed me, and I saw
how much that hurt you afterwards. You were so lost, and I thought I had
lost you forever, but I promised to make things right so you could get
better. So, I let you go, while not knowing if you would ever come back to
me, but I knew that you would get well. These last eleven months have made
me realize how very important you are to me, so whatever you did, I don't
care because I love you Rodie, and I always will no matter what." Cathy
said as she destroyed the invisible wall that had been separating them and
rebuilding their special bond.
End of Chapter 9.
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