Date: Sat, 20 Jun 2015 21:44:05 +0000 (UTC)
From: John Sexton <sexton1980@yahoo.com.au>
Subject: shattered-ceiling-falling-sky-03

Author: John Sexton
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===============================================

"If they wanted to make me different, all they had to do was abuse me; If
they wanted to abuse me, all they had to do was insist that I become one of
them; But if they wanted me to become one of them, they were fucked from
the very start!"

I first wrote that when I was twelve. It was the night of my first full day
at Aunty Jane's in Sydney. It turned out to be one hell of a day...



I'd just caught another great wave, after a really good set. I loved the
water, the sun and beach; I still do. The only real difference is that I
don't hide my enormous package now.

But, back then, at the tender age of twelve, toting an eighteen centimetre
monster that was almost as big flaccid as it was rampant, I was mortified
by my massive appendage. In my eyes it was obscene and an
embarrassment. What made it worse was that the head of my cock was almost
half as thick again as the rest of my appendage, so it made the monster so
much harder to hide, especially when it was erect.

Worst of all: I hated board shorts, and even my light-nylon footy shorts
slowed me down significantly in the water. I had learned that the hard way,
losing three races on the trot before I abandoned wearing them in the
water. So it's always been Speedos and always will be. With my equipment on
display for all to see. In those brief times in the water or pool I was
humiliated, but gradually succeeded in blocking the stares and comments out
of my mind, never completely, of course.

Unfortunately, that took a few years, because, for some time, I was getting
countless comments, coughs and sighs, from the most likely and unlikely of
places.

Little wonder I hated myself; I was a freak!

That might be hard to believe, but what you have to realise is that, while
I knew I was hot, and I knew that I was going to be a star, I loathed that
girls went crazy over me. I found girls irritating in general, even the few
who I counted as friends. But when girls flirted with me, or flaunted their
sexuality, they turned my stomach; at times like those even the dark side
of the moon wasn't far enough away from them.

I was firmly entrenched in the closet, and repressed by the guilt and
self-loathing that I felt. I was devastated, because it was boys that I
wanted to go crazy over me. I hated that so much more, because I couldn't
be that boy, nor could I ever acknowledge any boys who did feel that way
towards me.

I wanted to be hot and to be the boy that both boys and men lusted
after. But my secret was even darker still, because I was already a
paedophile, at the age of twelve; I loved boys younger than me too. But I
couldn't set one above the other, men over boys. I knew that I wanted both,
and my needs were desperate.



I was just swimming back out, to catch another set, when I saw him. All I
could see was his head and shoulders, as we were treading water, waiting
for the next set. He was only ten metres away and I could see he was a few
years older than me, sixteen, maybe even fifteen. He was beautiful! Blond
hair, blue eyes and flawless, tanned skin.

Bombora was working big time off the point, and I'd been contemplating
ducking back home, to Aunty Jane's, and grabbing my board. But one sight of
this god was enough to can that idea.

We both turned at the same time, and within seconds we were cresting the
same wave; we rode the set all the way into shore, virtually in tandem.

"Great set eh?" the blond Adonis cried as we both stood in the shallow
water, the foam swirling around our ankles as the set ebbed back out to
sea.

His smile gave me butterflies and his eyes sparkled in the hot morning
sun. He was wearing black Speedos and I could not help but look at his
groin which seemed even bigger than mine. Size queen that I am [and was,
even back then] I was in love... well, in lust, at least, at first sight.

When I looked up at his beautiful face, I could see he was equally
engrossed in my own package. He looked up at me and grinned salaciously
when we made eye contact.

"You held a pretty good line back there, Nippers?"

He'd obviously noticed "Nambucca" printed in white across the arse of my
Speedos, and guessed my age.

"Yeah, you a junior or a senior here?" I replied, having seen the name of
the local club emblazoned across the back of his beautiful arse as we'd
first emerged from the set.

"Junior," he laughed, "how old did you think I was?"

"Fifteen?"

He laughed again, and I'm guessing that he knew I'd dropped my estimate,
based on his reaction.

We both turned and headed back into the surf.

"You're a long way from home," he said, as he glanced at my arse once
again. "I thought you were a local."

"What made you think that?" I asked, as we both dived under a breaking set
that was just rolling in.

"Well," he answered as we emerged from the broken waves, "that ad was shot
at Whale Beach, I recognised the headland," he grinned at me, "you are the
`Super Grain' kid, aren't you?"

I flushed, then grinned sheepishly, I was delighted and embarrassed that
he'd recognised me.

We dived under another wave.

"Thought so, I knew it was you. I love those ads, you're even hotter in the
flesh though, I've gotta tell ya!"



I'd made two more ads for the same product, since the Easter shoot, but I
never realised that a guy like this spunk would be so infatuated with me,
as he obviously was. I was also shocked that he was so open about it.

We turned together and rode another set into shore. We continued for
another half hour or so, until he lost his line on one particularly large
wave and collided with me, sending us head over heel into the breaking
wave, our bodies tangled together as we were dumped. However, before we had
separated, his hand glided over my abs and my groin, and I swear he
squeezed my cock in the process.

"Sorry," he said, as we stood up.

I thought, at first, that he was apologising for touching me up. But one
look at his groin told me that was not the case. If I thought he was big
before, I had to rethink. He was definitely a "grower" and his cock now
reached across his lower abdomen to the edge of his hip. He was huge!

I don't know where I got the courage to take the initiative; maybe it was
the frustration of all the porn I'd watched over the seven months since my
encounter with Toby, on the "Wild Roo." All that stimulation and no
satisfaction, I was desperate for the real thing. Maybe it was because
there, in Sydney, with the relative anonymity that the big city provided,
despite him having recognised me from my ads, I felt relatively
safe. Whatever... I took the plunge...

"What, for cutting in or the touch-up?" I grinned salaciously and licked my
lips.

"For cutting in, of course!" He mirrored my grin. "One last set?" he added,
and I guessed he wanted to give his cock a chance to return to a
respectable state.



We raced each other in on the next set, out of the water and up the crowded
beach, but I was no match for him, even though I was the club champion in
the Under 12s back in Nambucca. He had three years on me and was obviously
super fit.

I ran to my shorts and grabbed them to put them on as quickly as I could,
ever conscious of my obscene genitalia.

"Where's your towel," he asked.

"Didn't bother... didn't figure I'd need it."

"You can use mine, it's big enough, it's just over there."

We weaved through the crowd, to a relatively vacant spot close to the surf
club, where he'd left his stuff. When he spread his large beach towel out
on the hot sand, it looked more like a blanket than a towel. He dropped
down on one side and patted the space beside him.

"Wish you hadn't put your shorts on, you look hot in your Speedos." He
said, as he lay on his side facing me, the bulge in his own nylon enclosure
swelling as he spoke. He didn't seem too concerned that anyone else might
be looking, but it was obvious that I was.

My only response was a deep blush; despite the scorching sun, I could still
feel the heat radiating from my face.

"Are you embarrassed?"

"Duhh!"

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of, dude! You're a stud."

"You're joking right! You've seen it..." then I broke my serious demeanour
with a shit-eating grin, "fuck, you've even felt it," I whispered, though
we were at least seven or eight metres from the nearest sunbather, despite
the relative density of the crowd, overall.

"And?"

"And it's obscene! You've seen the size of my knob... that's something I
can't hide at the best of times."

"Hey, I'm bigger than you, dude. But you don't see me hiding it! If you've
got it, you might as well flaunt it."

"That's easy for you to say, you're a heck of a lot bigger than me all
over," I whined, "you've seen my knob, it's obscene; and when I crack a
fat, while my dick doesn't get much bigger, my knob almost doubles in
size... it's impossible to hide. You should see the looks I get and the
comments that some people make!" I finished with a groan.

I was lying on my side, facing him. He reached across the short distance
between us and ever so gently ran his index finger from the base of my
throat to my navel as he spoke.

"I haven't seen your knob, but I'd like to! Wanna come back to my place,
it's just over there."

He pointed to a large block of units just behind us.

"The rents are both at work," he added with a wicked snigger.

That face! that smile! that body! that cock! ... how could I say "no!"?



As we made our way across the promenade to his residence, we exchanged a
few personal details: he'd been a member of the local surf club since he
was eight [like me], he was in year nine, hated school, played Aussie Rules
football [like me], loved computers and sex [like me]. Oh, and his name was
Daniel to his mum, Danny to his dad and Dan to his mates.

===============================================

I was as nervous as I'd ever been in my life, by the time we'd reached the
foyer of his tower block, right on the beach.

"Wanna cold drink, Jess?" Dan asked, as soon as we entered his eleventh
floor unit.

"Sure," I replied as I walked around the living room that had uninterrupted
views north and east. I could see Aunty Jane's about a block away.

"Pretty cool view, eh?" he asked.

"Sure is, Dan, cheers!" I replied, as we chinked our bottles of soft-drink.

The unit was air-conditioned, but we still skulled our drinks. We left the
empties on the coffee table, as Dan led me by the hand to his bedroom,
which was just off the living room and faced the sea as well.

He immediately opened up a laptop, on his desk, opened an app, then picked
up a headband and sat it on his head. It had a Wi-Fi webcam mounted on the
front, and as he looked up at me, there I was in one of the app's windows
on his laptop.

"Hope you don't mind, but I want to capture every moment of this."

"What?" I panicked, "you mean you're recording this!"

"Yeah, is that a problem, Jess?"

"Oh, no... no way... someone might see it."

"What if they did?" he asked incredulously, "you could just say it's a
fake."

"Nobody would believe that! Besides, I'm just about to start filming a
movie this week, my career would be over before it began! Sorry," I said,
"but no way, Dan, turn it off please!"

"Sure, okay, no sweat, Jess!"

Dan closed the app, then took off the headband camcorder. He smiled at me,
it was a strange smile, one that suggested he had a secret, something about
which I was unaware.

"You don't know; you have no idea, do you?"

"What? No idea about what?" I was starting to get agitated; it was a mix of
fear and frustration.

Dan reached over and grabbed my hand gently, then lead me over to his
desk. He sat down in front of his laptop, then patted his lap.

"Come here, you sexy thing!" he teased.

I sat on his lap, and I could feel his massive cock start to harden inside
the stretched fabric of his Speedos, as soon as my tender buttocks came to
rest. But my attention was soon focused on the laptop, as he opened a
Firefox window and displayed his bookmarks. He navigated to a bookmarks
folder called "Super Grain spunk;" and I was immediately on full red alert.

There were at least a dozen websites listed, at least five of them were
Tumbler pages, while several others bore titles such as: "Super Grain boy
god," "Super Grain boy trans," "Super Grain boy clips" and "Super Grain boy
vids."

Dan pulled up the first Tumbler page, and there were dozens of thumbnail
images of me on an Archive index page. Most of them seemed to be snapshots
from video clips of the three ads that I had made, plus clips taken from
those ads.

I was stunned. Dan was right; I'd had no idea that any of this existed on
the net. What made it even more astounding was that I was a regular visitor
to Tumbler and had subscribed to numerous Tumbler pages for over a year,
maybe more; yet I'd never once seen any of these pages before. I couldn't
believe that I hadn't even seen one of the dozens of my pics in any
cross-posting on any of the pages that I'd visited over the last five or
six months. The odds against that were staggering, given how Tumbler worked
back then.

"You're right, Dan," I mumbled, still stunned by what I was seeing, "I had
no idea, none whatsoever!"

Dan continued to navigate from one page to the next, with his mouse in his
right hand, while his left hand roamed over my flat stomach and chest,
teasing my rock-hard, erect nipples, but never venturing lower than my cute
`innie' navel.

Then he navigated to a desktop shortcut icon simply labelled "god" and
opened it. The contents stunned me, because it displayed hundreds of
thumbnail images of me. They were mostly copies of the files from Tumbler,
mostly images, but several clips as well.

"I've been captivated by you since the first day I saw your first ad," Dan
whispered in my ear, and I shivered as his warm breath teased my neck. "You
can't even begin to imagine what I felt when I saw you down there today. It
was like finding the present I'd been dreaming about all year, right under
the tree on Christmas morning."

I was in shock, and I was totally confused. On one hand I was freaked out
that anyone would be so obsessed with me. I felt as if I was being
stalked. It was really eerie. But at the same time I was totally blown away
that not just Dan, but many others, maybe hundreds of others were so into
me.

Of course I had been aware of fan-fic sites, especially Harry Potter sites,
and the range of fantasy pornography that they generated, both pictorial
and textual. They'd been around for years and were still popular.

But THIS was ME!!! What's more... the boy currently molesting me was one of
the guys who was obsessed with me. I was both scared shitless and
incredibly turned on!

Dan grabbed my throbbing cock, through my nylon shorts and Speedos, and
squeezed it firmly. I reciprocated by pushing my arse hard against his own
throbbing erection.

"You might think THIS..." he stressed the word, as he massage my massive
knob with his thumb and index finger, "is obscene," he cooed in the shell
of my ear, and his hot breath turned me to jelly in his lap, "but all these
sites are telling me that there are hundreds, thousands of guys out there
who think it's magnificent. It's a gift! YOU are a gift... from the gods,
Jess!"

I didn't really know what to think; I was totally blown away.

Dan scrolled down to a series of thumbnails that were obviously close-ups
of my Speedo-encased genitals. He opened one of the photos that was zoomed
and cropped until it filled the screen with just the outline of my cock,
with the uncut knob clearly delineated.

Then Dan quickly skipped back to the browser and opened a website called
"Super Grain boy clips." It contained copies of my three ads for the "Super
Grain" cereal. In all three ads there was footage of me competing at surf
carnivals. Each of the ads had at least several seconds of footage of me
racing up the beach to win some event, and in each instance my tackle was
swinging like a pendulum inside my nylon Speedos.

I felt so totally naïve; I could not suppress a deep blush that swept
across my face, as Dan replayed one of the clips that had been edited to
zoom in on my tackle in slow motion.

For the first time it finally clicked why the wardrobe guy had insisted
that I wore the Speedos that they provided for the ads. He had said it was
because of the white "Nambucca" ID blazoned across the arse of my own
Speedos. I'd complained that the ones he wanted me to wear were too loose,
always worrying that, if I cracked a fat, I'd be so embarrassed.

Luckily that had never happened.

I sat on Dan's throbbing monster, and ogled, almost transfixed, at my
massive junk, flopping about in close-up and super-slow motion. I suddenly
wondered if there hadn't been an ulterior motive for the dresser's
insistence! Had the director been in on it?

It would be several days before I eventually tweaked to the fact that a
great deal of the footage, on that website in particular, was stuff that
wasn't in any of the ads that had "gone to air." A lot of the more
salacious close-ups and miscellaneous footage of me running around in my
`budgie smugglers' had come from the cutting room floor! But more of that
later.

"I had no idea!" I mumbled, as Dan continued to stimulate my throbbing
cock, which was leaking like a tap, soaking my swimmers and shorts.

"If you're surprised by this," Dan whispered, "then this will blow your
mind!"

He navigated to "Super Grain boy trans" and, when he opened the site I was
stunned, angry, turned-on, all at once. To this day I still don't know what
my basic reaction really was just then. There were too many variables and
too many responses to process from what I was seeing.

There, on the screen, were dozens of preview clips of ME having sex!
Fucking, being fucked, sucking, being sucked, being spit-roasted, double
penetrated, you name it, I WAS DOING IT!

"What the fuck!" I exclaimed

"It's called transing, Jess," Dan whispered in my ear, as he squeezed my
balls gently, through the damp nylon. But he made no move to go
skin-on-skin.

"They've been my wanking material for months," he cooed. He closed the
browser and navigated to a sub-folder in his "god" folder called "trans."

I was stunned, there were at least forty video clips and they were all of
me having the most erotic sex imaginable. I was shaking, I was in such
shock, I still don't know if it was from fear, outrage or sexual arousal.

"But, how?  What? ..." I faltered, then fell into stunned silence, as he
opened a high quality video clip of ME being fucked by a massive black guy
with a cock that had to be thirty centimetres long and as thick as my upper
arm.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, "I know this vid, I've got it at home on my own
laptop! That's Devon LeBron, from Staxus, and that's Sven Laarson he's
fucking. So how?"

"You've seen `Lord of the Rings' and `Tin Tin,' right?"

I simply nodded, too stunned to utter another word, as I watched LeBron's
foot long monster cock sliding in and out of MY tiny white arse.

"Well, the software they used to create Gollum and Tin Tin has come a long
way since then. What used to take them months, on a super computer network,
can now be done on a PC using a pretty sophisticated app called `Trans-IT,'
and all in a couple of hours."

"But, if I didn't know it wasn't me," I finally managed to blurt out, "I
wouldn't believe it wasn't me. It's so fucking realistic I can't believe it
isn't really me."

I shivered as Dan reached up and slid his hand inside the waistband of my
footy shorts.

"Yeah it's fucking brilliant, isn't it?"

"Fucking terrifying is more like it!"

"Nah, you're just saying that cause it's YOU, and you're still trying to
get your beautiful young head around it."

"Maybe."

"Trust me, babe, it's super-hot, you're super-hot, and it's just a
fantasy. Everyone knows it's not you."

"No way! ... Sven is way bigger than me, but it looks just like me, and I
look so tiny against LeBron."

"The software has come a long way, babe; it can be programmed to
scale. Look, it's even made Sven's cock look like yours. He hasn't got a
knob like THIS," Dan squeezed my swollen glans, skin-to-skin, and I shot a
massive load all over his fingers and the insides of my Speedos.

"Oh, fuck!! FUCK!!!" I moaned as I shuddered and watched LeBron pull his
massive, black, uncut cock out of MY arse and shoot a load into MY hot
little mouth.

"This is unreal," I swooned, "LeBron is one of my faves and I'm watching
one of my biggest fantasies come to life! Who'd have known?"

My inhibitions had fled in that moment and, most uncharacteristically, I
did not plunge into a sudden fit of despair and self-loathing, as I usually
did, post-orgasm. I was still on a massive sexual high. It was beyond
weird.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed once more, and collapsed back against Dan, who had
leaned back in his desk chair, with his throbbing cock pushing hard against
my arse.

Dan continued to fondle my now ultra-sensitive knob, but I didn't have the
strength or the will to try to stop him, and my cock had refused to
soften. In fact I was harder than ever.

"So that's what you meant, when you said that nobody would believe it was
me, if you taped us having sex?" I drawled lazily in my post-orgasmic
bliss.

"Yeah, everyone would think it was just another trans, you'd have nothin'
to worry about."

"You plan on putting it on the net?" I asked in a half panic, even though
we hadn't actually recorded anything.

"Yeah, why not? Of course I'd trans myself to hide my ID, maybe as Sven!"

We both laughed at that.

"I'd trans you of course, but it would still be you."

"Why would you? ... ... ... Oh, so no one could tell that it was really me!
I get it... so you've got the software then?"

"Of course," Dan whispered as he licked by ear, sending a shiver through my
tiny, twelve-year-old body, "who do you think owns the website?"

"That was you!" I cried incredulously, then I swung my torso around on his
lap, to face him. "So you've done all those transes of me?"

"Most of them," he grinned, "and if you haven't worked it out yet, babe,
I'm kind of obsessed with you. You're my dream come true!"

He kissed me hard on the mouth; it took my breath away. He was only the
second person I'd ever kissed or been kissed by. I was swept away in that
moment, and I devoured his tongue and mouth within seconds. I attacked his
mouth voraciously, as the dam of all the years of unrequited sexual desire
burst asunder.

When we broke the kiss, and Dan finally caught his breath, he continued...

"You're the flavour of the month on the underground net at the moment,
Jess, you're famous around the globe, kiddo!"

"But how?" I gestured towards the laptop, "aren't you afraid of getting
caught?"

"Nah, what can they do anyway, it's not really kiddie porn. Besides the
site can only be accessed through the `Leek' network. It's an advanced
version of `Onion.'"

"But didn't that get taken down by the thought police?"

"Fuck! You're pretty net savvy for a kid, Jess. How'd you know about that?"

"I get around!"

"So... how about it?" Dan asked as he picked up the WiFi headband from his
desk. "You up for it?"

"Yeah, s'pose so," I drawled cheekily, "can't you feel it?"

"All-riiigght!!" Dan roared.

He reloaded the app, mounted the head band, then clicked the record button,
all with his left hand; his right hand never left my cock.

I suddenly appeared on the screen, or at least my face did. Dan leaned back
and looked down at my groin, then he withdrew his cum-slicked fingers from
my Speedos, as I watched it on the screen.

"Let's see what we've got here," he teased, as he held the hand up to the
camcorder mounted on his forehead. "Oh you naughty little boy," he crooned
lewdly, "you've cum all over my hand! You beast!"

Quickly catching the mood, I lifted his hand up to my mouth and greedily
lapped the sticky, watery goo off his long, slender fingers. My eyes never
left his throughout the entire process. The effect was that I was staring
lewdly into the camera the whole time.



Watching it now, as I type this, nine years later, I can't believe how
erotic it still is, especially as this is the unedited version, and it is a
blow-by-blow [literally] record of my deflowering. For a fifteen-year-old,
Dan was exceptionally sexy, an amazingly confident and savvy stud.



I opened my mouth to the camera, displaying my cum soaked tongue, before
Dan swooped on it with his hot lips. All you can see is my blond hair and
left ear, but it is obvious from the moans and sucking and slurping that we
were in a passionate exchange of body fluids. Even now it seems to go on
forever.

We eventually separated and I swallowed noisily, before I opened my then
empty mouth to the camera.

Dan turned around and opened a draw under his desk and retrieved the
largest cock I'd ever seen. It was about forty or fifty centimetres long,
and was made of dark-maroon, glazed ceramic, with a massive hole on the end
of the glans.

I immediately recognised it as a bong, when I saw the cone poking out of
the shaft, just above the two massive balls that formed the base.

I'd smoked dope before with a mate of mine, back home in Nambucca; the
First few times nothing, but if he was getting high, I'd known I could
too. It had finally kicked in on the third try; but I had never tried it
again till that day in Sydney with Dan, because I'd freaked out that I was
going to out myself to my mate.

Dan grabbed a baggie and a lighter from the draw, then held up the bong in
his other hand.

"You ever?"

"Yeah, a few times," I answered with a salacious, eager grin.



Dan quickly loaded up and offered me the first toke. I fumbled with the
massive device, until he showed me the breather air hole, just above the
cone stem. I took a huge huff, as he held the lighter to the cone. But I
wasn't really prepared for the massive intake of smoke, as I released the
breather.

I gasped and coughed and hacked until I thought my lungs were going to end
up on my lap.

"Fuck!" I cried, with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Dan was in hysterics.

"Very funny," I griped and hacked wildly, "glad you're amused," I added
between gasps.

"Sorry, babe, but you said you'd smoked before."

"Yeah, but my mate's bong wasn't a quarter as big as this fucker!" I
protested, between hacking and laughing. "Just wasn't expecting that
much... fuck!"

Dan took over from me, then handed it back. It was a huge bowl, and it took
us several tokes to knock it off. But, once I knew what to expect, I
handled it a lot better. In the few minutes that it took to finish that
single cone, I was already baked, so much so that my face had started to go
numb. I smiled at the camera and it was obvious I was spaced out and off my
beautiful face.

I looked straight at Dan, with a totally shit-faced grin, and reached up,
to take the band off his head. I attempted to mount it on my own head, but
it slipped down over my eyes; only my ears and nose stopped it from falling
down around my neck.

Dan leaned in towards me, and again it was obvious that we were in another
torrid tongue wrestle. He adjusted the band while we were going at it.

When I looked up at Dan, his face came into full focus.



Looking at the video, now, I realise that I'd almost forgotten just how hot
Dan was, back then. He was Adonis personified! I swear he could have
convinced me to do anything that day.



As I tilted my head slowly, I scanned his magnificent, fifteen-year-old
body, from his beautiful face to his large, tanned feet. He was a
god. Blond curly locks that just covered his ears; blue eyes; brilliant
smile; trimmed, smooth, tanned torso; well-developed pecks; washboard abs;
a massive package, still confined to his tight Speedos; taut, golden,
hairless legs.

If I didn't still have it captured on video, I don't think I'd be able to
convince myself that he had been so hot.



I watched as Dan packed another cone. But this time he took the first
toke. Instead of exhaling, he moved towards me, until all that showed on
the camera were his golden locks. It was obvious from the sounds and the
smoke that drifted up over the screen that he was introducing me to
shot-gunning. We continued until we were both totally wasted and I was
grinning like a loon.

"Oh, fuck, Dan... I'm totally shit-faced!" was all I could manage to slur,
as he reached up and took the headband back.



I grinned into the camera like an idiot. We kissed again, for several long
minutes, but surprisingly it's not boring footage. I still find it totally
erotic, despite being able to see nothing but a mass of blond locks and my
partly exposed ear; I suppose that's because the sounds are so exquisite
and still so real. The fact that I'm smoking some pretty mean shit, as I'm
typing this and watching the video again, helps bring the vivid immediacy
of the experience back to life.

This video was my first step towards the long process of learning to love
myself. At least it was the first step to realising that I was really quite
beautiful. I still hated myself, of course, and would continue to do so for
some time to come. But, from this point on, until I made my stand on the
Charlotte Jones talk show, some two years later, I was making the slow
transition from hating who I was, to hating what I was being forced to do:
lie to myself and about myself.

When we broke the kiss, Dan looked into my eyes passionately. My own
reaction was a perfect reflection of that look, and it was straight to
camera.

I sometimes wish I could revisit that moment, as me, as I am now, but with
both Dan and I right there, as we both were back then. I would die happily,
if I could just spend that afternoon with those two beautiful boys,
exploring Dan's magnificent torso and licking, sucking, kissing and fucking
my own self.

To be able to tell my own, twelve-year-old self that I really was quite
beautiful, inside and out; to tell myself that I actually had nothing to be
ashamed of, that society could go fuck itself, is a fantasy that would make
my life complete. But it's just a fantasy, and this vivid POV video is as
close as I can get to its realisation.

At least I have that, and the satisfaction of knowing that Dan did as good
a job as anyone could have in starting me on the road to recovery and
self-affirmation.



Dan turned back to open the desk draw again. He reached in and withdrew
several dildos, a huge bottle of Swiss Navy water-based lube and a small,
brown bottle of Jungle Juice.

Of course I knew what they were, even though I'd never seen any of them in
the flesh before. After all, with my porn collection I'd fantasised about
all this and more for ages. But that didn't stop me from trembling with
anxiety and eager anticipation.

"Dan," my voice trembled, and my face clearly showed my trepidation, "I've
never done anything like this before! I've been wanked-off and kissed by a
guy once... and that's it. I've never even touched another guy's cock
before!"

"Fuck! You're serious, aren't you?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"Sorry! Sorry? ... Oh, babe, don't be sorry!"

He looked genuinely conflicted. I only wish the camera had been on his
beautiful face at that moment!

"Do you want to stop, Jess? ... It's okay if you do, babe. I'll
understand!"

It was at that moment that I fell in love with Dan. There we were... both
off our faces and sexually worked up into a near frenzy, and he was more
than willing to just let it all go! That was the measure of the guy. Even
at fifteen, as sexed-up and rampant as he was right then, he was prepared
to put me first. Sure he was a sex-obsessed pervert, just like me, but
first and foremost, he was a beautiful person, and I still love him to this
day.

"Oh, no!" I cried in a near panic, "I've been dreaming about this day since
forever, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with right now!"

"Shit! Fuck!" Dan cried, as he wrapped me in a bone-crushing embrace, that
almost knocked the wind out of me.

I was stunned when I realised he was crying.

"I've dreamed about this, like forever, too. But it's YOU! I can't believe
that I found you!"

We kissed; it was breathtaking, literally, and it went on for ages. We fell
onto his bed, me still in my cum-soaked shorts and swimmers and Dan still
in his Speedos, stretched to breaking point by his massive, leaking cock!

I was trembling as we kissed, you can see it and hear it in my breathing,
on the tape. It was a day that, with or without the video, I will never
forget; and it had barely begun!

===============================================