Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 21:52:31 -0500
From: Scribe 1971 <scribe1971@hotmail.com>
Subject: Substitute Dad Chapter 4

Substitute Dad
By Scribe 1971

Author's Note:

Welcome back everyone!  The process of writing this story has been an
amazing experience so far.  The feedback that I have received has been
wonderful and has been very encouraging.  I have done my best to reply to
all of the notes that I've received.  If I missed someone, you have my
apologies.  For one reason or another, I have been unsuccessful in replying
to a couple of readers - my emails get bounced back.  One person in
particular had some very positive and very useful suggestions.
Unfortunately, all of my attempts to reply have failed.  Darryl - If you
have a different email address, send me a message.

This chapter provides the resolution to the funeral scene and it gives you a
quick peek into the deeper corners of Tommy's character.  That glipmse will
help you to understand what makes him tick.  I have been very methodical in
gradually developing my characters.  I have tried to give you, the reader,
as much room as possible to use your own imaginations to put a face on Tommy
and Josh.  As the story progresses, you will learn more about both of them.

Chapter 4 -- The Funeral

I was up in a flash.  I don't think Josh even saw what was happening.  His
drunken Uncle Joe was expecting to encounter a scared boy.  Instead I
intercepted him.  I was motivated, I was very angry and I knew how to fight.
  I didn't see a weapon in his hand and I didn't think he would have one,
but I wasn't going to take any chances.  If he was armed with a knife or
something similar and anyone was going to get stabbed, it was going to be
me, not Josh. I seized the drunken man's outstretched right arm in both of
my hands as I pivoted around placing myself directly between him and Josh.
I gripped his right wrist in my left hand while letting go with my right.  I
then drove my right elbow into the drunken man's nose with as much force as
I could muster.  I heard the crack and felt his nose give as he began to
shriek and the blood began to flow freely.

He barely had time to register the pain of his shattered nose when I once
again took his right arm in both of my hands and neatly flipped him over my
shoulder.  He went down hard, collapsing 2 folding metal chairs in the
process.  I didn't give him so much as a second to catch his breath before I
rolled him onto his stomach and pounced.

I came down hard onto his back, driving my knee into his spine as I grabbed
his right arm in my right hand and jerked it roughly into a tight and
painful hold behind his back.  I heard a woman, probably the grandmother,
scream.

"Call the police NOW!" I shouted at the funeral director who instantly
scurried off to her office.

"My fucking nose!  You broke by fucking nose," Joe wailed in a very nasal
sounding voice.

"Listen to me, and listen good, you useless drunken sack of shit," I hissed
at Joe.  "If you think for a second that I will EVER allow a pathetic
motherfucker like you to touch so much as one hair on that boy's head, you
have another thought coming."

"Let him go!" shouted Josh's grandmother.

"Back the fuck off lady!" I shouted sharply at her.  "This pathetic drunk is
going to jail for what he just did."

"You're hurting him," she wailed.

"Good!  He should count his blessings that I'm not hurting him worse.  Now I
suggest that you and your miserable excuse for a family back the fuck off
and wait for the police to come pick up the trash. Stay away from me, stay
away from this useless turd and for your own sake, stay away from Josh."

Joe kept struggling on the floor, but I kept him pinned.  "Settle down
asshole," I hissed at him unless you want me to make the pain worse."

"You hurt me," he shrieked

"Yeah, and you attacked a little boy at his father's funeral.  You're a
useless fucking coward, a pathetic excuse for a human being.  You aren't
even a man."  That quieted him down. I glanced over at Josh, he stood there
gape mouthed, his eyes the size of saucers.

Just then, 2 uniformed Ontario Provincial Police offers entered the chapel.

"Here's your man," I told them.

The first officer removed a pair of handcuffs from his belt and neatly
snapped them onto Joe's wrists as I held him down.

"Alright, I've got him," the burly cop said as he pulled Joe to his feet.

"He broke my nose!"  Joe screamed at the cop.

"Yeah, he did a nice job of it too, Joe.  Why do I get the distinct feeling
that you deserved it?"  The cop snickered at Joe as he walked him out to the
police cruiser parked outside.

The other cop chuckled.  "That guys our most regular customer.  He's always
getting drunk and fighting.  How about telling me what happened?"

I told the officer exactly what happened as he jotted what must have been
pretty detailed notes down in his notebook.  He asked me a few questions to
clarify a few points before offering me his hand.

"Nice job son," He said with a smile as he shook my hand.  "No telling what
set him off or what he intended to do to the boy.  He's always been a
trouble maker and a really mean drunk"

"Thanks, I haven't used any of those moves in a while."

"Where did you learn to fight like that, he asked?"

Josh looked up with interest as I answered the question, "Well, I joined the
army reserves when I was 17.  Unfortunately, I was hurt in a training
accident about a year later and I had to give it up," I said sadly.

I realized that I have never told Josh about my short time in the military.
It wasn't that I had hidden it from him; it had just never come up.  I had
been injured and forced to give it up the winter before I met Josh for the
first time.  I had pretty much put it out of my mind.  The military had
always been a dream career for me and it was simply easier to forget it than
it was to contend with the disappointment.  Josh seemed to mentally file the
information away for later reference.

"Sorry to hear that, son.  You handled this situation pretty well.  Mr.
Chambers and his late brother have caused us more problems that you could
imagine.  We keep locking them up and the judge keeps letting them out."

"I know what you mean.  My father was a cop and I heard all about the
frustrations of the job," I said shaking my head.

"This young man is lucky to have you around," the officer said as he ruffled
Josh's hair.

"We're going to arrest Mr. Chambers and charge him with assault, causing a
disturbance and being drunk in public.  You might have to appear in court as
a witness."

The police left to take Joe to jail and I looked down at Josh.  He was pale
and he was trembling slightly but he looked no worse for the wear.  He
looked up at me with wide eyes.  I put my arm around him, hugged him tight
and kissed him gently on the temple.  "Its ok son," I whispered in his ear
as I gently rocked him.  I felt him melt into my side as he began to relax.
Josh's relatives, who had scattered, had by then returned to their seats.

Josh and I returned to the chapel.  I was about to sit down when Josh
wrapped his arms around me again and hugged me very tightly.  He held onto
me for what seemed like several minutes.  I could feel him sobbing into my
chest.  I just stood there holding him and gently rubbing his back until he
was ready to let go.

"Are you ok, kiddo?" I asked him as he finally let me go and sat down.

He nodded his head, "I'll be ok, dad.  I love you so much."

"I love you to, son."

The minister made his way to the front of the chapel and the funeral service
began.  The service was short, impersonal and to the point.  It was over in
about 30 minutes.  Josh and I filed past George's casket before leaving the
chapel.  He was pretty unemotional throughout the service and showed no
reaction as the casket was wheeled out and into a hearse.  I believe that he
had wanted to attend out of a sense of duty and a need for closure rather
than out of sorrow for his father.  There was to be no graveside service.

Josh's relatives continued to ignore him and I hated them for it.  I could
see that their snubbing was hurting him.  As far as I knew, he never had
much of a relationship with them, but that didn't make their behavior
acceptable.  He was a hurting little boy who had just been attacked by his
uncle at his father's funeral and his grandparents and aunt didn't care.  I
led Josh to the door before I did or said something that I would probably
live to regret.

The drive back to the motel was unusually quite.  We let ourselves into our
room and changed into some casual clothes.  The maid service had been in.
Our beds had been made and fresh towels had been provided.  It was after
12:00, but neither of us was hungry.  I was glad that we had planned on
staying a second night.  I went out and grabbed a can of Coke for each of us
from the machine outside.

Josh lay flat on his bed, staring at the ceiling when I returned.  I placed
his can of Coke on the bedside table and I climbed up beside him on his bed.
  I moved over and snuggled up next to him and wrapped him in my arms.  He
felt a little tense but instantly relaxed into my arms.

"Are you ok, son?" I asked with concern.

He continued to lay there in my arms for another moment before he spoke.
"Why did Uncle Joe do that?"  He asked softly.

I rolled onto my side and faced him.  "Josh, he was drunk and I'm sure he
has a lot of very strange ideas about his brother and his predicaments.  I
can't explain why he did what he did.  The police said that he has a
reputation for being a rotten drunk who frequently gets into fights and acts
violently.  I wouldn't take it personally."

"How about grandma and grandpa?  They weren't drunk."  He said bitterly.
"Even when Uncle Joe came after me, they didn't care about me.  The only
thing that mattered to them was that you didn't kill him!"

Josh rolled onto his side and pressed his body into mine, burying his face
in my chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me.  I just held him and
gently rubbed his back.

After a few minutes, he began to settle down.  I rolled onto my back and
pulled him on top of me.  He propped his chin on my chest and looked into my
eyes.

"Listen son, I can't explain why those people acted that way.  I can promise
you that Joe will never bother you again.  He will have to get through me to
get to you and I won't ever let that happen," I said as I pulled him tightly
against my chest.

"I can also promise you that you'll never have to see or deal with those
people who are supposedly your grandparents ever again either.  You no
longer have any connection to them and you no longer have any need to have
anything to do with them."

I could see the wheels turning in Josh's mind as he considered what I told
him.  I could tell that he wanted to say something, but wasn't quite sure
how to go about it.

"What is it son?" I asked him.  "When you're as close to someone as I am
with you, it's pretty easy to read them and sense their feelings.  What's on
your mind?"

He smiled faintly and then closed his eyes in thought.  "What happened to
you today, dad?"

"What do you mean, Josh?" I asked tenderly.

"You are the nicest person that I ever met, I love you at least as much as
you love me, but I was a little afraid today," Josh said softly.

"You were afraid of me?" I asked shocked.

"No, definitely not.  I know that you'd never hurt me."

"Of course I wouldn't Josh."

"You were like a different person today with Joe.  You moved so fast and did
some really amazing fight moves and the way you put him down before he even
knew what hit him was unbelievable."

"You didn't like that?" I asked.

"I thought that was pretty cool, actually," Josh said with a chuckle.  "You
were like one of those body guards that follow the Prime Minister around.  I
was afraid for you, not of you.  I never heard you talk like that before.
I've never really heard you swear very often.  Just the odd `oh shit' now
and then, but that's it.  It was like a different Tommy was in control for a
few minutes today."

I thought for a moment before answering.  "Josh, I'm sorry you had to see
that.  I was running on pure instinct.  I saw a threat to you and my
training kicked in.  I was like a mother bear protecting her cub."

"I know and I love you for that.  I didn't know that you'd been in the
army."

"Well, it was only for a year and it was only the reserves.  I wasn't hiding
it from you, I just never mentioned it.  I'll tell you all about it one of
these days."
"There's something else though, isn't there?" Josh asked, "I can read you
pretty well too, dad," his gray eyes were probing my soul and I could see a
look of concern on his face.

I thought for a long moment as I studied Josh's sweet earnest face before
exhaling loudly.  I was trying to figure out how to tell him what had made
me so mad.  I was certain that he was mature enough to understand but it was
hard for me none the less.  "Yes Josh, there was something else.  What I am
about to tell you, I have never told another soul.  I had tried to forget
about it and I had hoped it would go away.  I had almost forgotten about it
until I saw you in danger today.  It all came flooding back."

Josh nodded his head and wrapped his arms tightly around me.  He could sense
that this was difficult for me.  "Go on dad, you can tell me anything.  No
matter what it is, it will never change how much I love you."

"I know kiddo.  The thing is that while it was a need to protect you that
got me moving, it was pure rage which led to the way that I spoke to Joe and
to you grandmother."

Josh, still sprawled on my chest, propped himself up on his elbows and
continued to stare into my eyes.  His face wore a look of both concern and
of adoration.

"Josh, when I was a little younger than you, I spent the summer with some
friends of my parents at their cottage in the Muskokas.  Mr. Struthers was a
police officer like my dad.  My parents were on an extended trip without us
kids.  My brothers were at army cadet camp and I was all alone.  During that
time, I was molested by Mrs. Struthers.  She forced me to have sex with her
repeatedly."

Josh closed his eyes, buried his face in my chest and wrapped his arms
around me once again.

"Mr. Struthers found out and rather than put a stop to it, he blamed me.  He
claimed that I had seduced his wife.  I was 11 years old, Josh.  He beat the
hell out of me for the rest of that summer.  I was so alone that summer.  It
was hell.  It was the worst summer of my life and I never told anyone.  I
was ashamed and I didn't understand a lot of what had gone on and I was
frightened about what would happen if I told anyone.  I didn't think anyone
would believe me if I did tell.  I have kept that secret bottled up for more
than 8 years and I tried to put it out of my mind."

I paused for a moment before continuing.  "When I saw your uncle come after
you today, all that abuse came back to me.  I remembered how scared and
helpless I felt.  I was determined never to allow anyone to hurt you like I
had been hurt.  When I fought your Uncle Joe, I felt as if I was fighting
old Mr. Struthers.  I allowed myself to lose control slightly."

"I had no idea," Josh said softly.

"There's more kiddo," I said softly as I looked him right in the eye.

"That whole episode changed my perspective on a lot of things.  I could no
longer relate to women very well.  I took me a long time to be able to feel
comfortable around women who were not my immediate relatives.  It took me a
long time to learn to trust people again."

Josh looked at me closely and I could see what I believed was a glint of
understanding in his eyes.

"Josh, I hope to God that what I am about to tell you doesn't change
anything between us," I said hesitantly.

"Nothing ever could, Tommy.  I love you unconditionally remember.  Nothing
you could ever say or do will ever change that."

"The whole thing made me very confused about my sexuality.  I've been
intimate with women, but I never really felt all that comfortable doing it.
I also had occasions to fool around with other guys when I was in my early
teens, but I wasn't sure that was right for me either.  I'm what you would
call confused.  I think I might actually be bisexual."

"Tommy, why would you think that would matter to me?  You know me better
than that.  I love you for who you are.  I love you for the person that you
are.  I love everything about you and I know you love me the same way.  That
is never, ever going to change."

"I love you too Josh," I said as I hugged him firmly.

"All that matters to me is that you are my dad and that we will always be
together.  Remember, Tommy, 2 steps behind.  Always," Josh said with
finality as he hugged me tight.

"What else is on your mind, dad?"

"I feel a little bad now for being so rough with Joe-"Josh cut me off.

"Don't.  Don't you dare feel bad for him.  He's always been a mean old
bastard like that.  He deserved everything you gave him," Josh said hotly.
"He wouldn't feel bad if he had hurt me like that."

"I know, but I hate the fact that I worried you."

"I was just a little confused, that's all.  I've never seen you angry like
that before and it worried me a little bit.  Now I know why it happened and
I'm not worried anymore."  Josh looked at me closely before continuing.
"You feel bad for what happened because you're a good man.  You're a caring
person who wants to help people, not hurt them.  Uncle Joe is the exact
opposite.  He won't feel bad about what he did because there isn't any good
in him at all."

Josh's maturity often startled me.  It was often easy to forget that he was
only 12 going on 13.  Eventually the drama of the morning took its toll and
we both dropped off to sleep.

When I finally came to, I was surprised to see that it was almost 5:00.  My
stomach was grumbling and I imagined that Josh was probably equally hungry.
He had rolled off me in his sleep and lay sprawled next to me, with one arm
thrown over my chest and his head cuddled up against my shoulder.  I was
about to wake him up to go for supper, but I decided to let him sleep for a
few minutes.

I lay there and gazed at the sleeping boy.  He was so peaceful in sleep.  It
was about the only time he was still; when he was awake he was always such a
bundle of energy.  I enjoyed watching him sleep.  I studied him closely in
awe of the fact that such an extraordinary boy had chosen me to be his dad.
I could see the beginnings of the fine man that he was going to grow up to
be.  He had been through a lot in his young life and he had come through
with flying colours.  He was the most amazing person that I had ever met.  I
felt that I could no more live without him in my life than I could without
air or nourishment.  I made a vow to myself that I would never see this boy
go without anything that was within my power to give.  He would never again
feel lonely or unloved.

Josh slowly opened his eyes as I continued to stare lovingly down at him.

"You have that look on your face, dad," he said.

"What look, son?" I asked.

"That look that reminds me how much you love me.  I like that look, it makes
me feel warm inside," he said with a smile.

"Just like the one you wear when you watch me shave, eh?"  I said with a
grin as I reached over and hugged him.

"Yeah, just like that one," he said with a classic Josh grin.

We decided to eat out that night so we hit the local Pizza Hut.  We split a
large meat-lovers pizza between the two of us.  We made short work of it.  I
think it was actually one of those rare occasions when I ate almost as much
as Josh did.

I grabbed a coffee and Josh ordered a caramel sundae.  I was glad to see him
brightening up and becoming his old self again.  As badly as things had gone
at the funeral, I was glad that we had come.  I was pretty certain that
being there had given him the closure that he required.  He was clearly
bothered by the actions of his so-called family.  As sensitive as he was, a
snub like that had to hurt him.  I made sure to go out of my way to show him
lots of affection and I was sure that it helped.

We returned to the motel for our final night away and settled in to watch
TV.  We found a station showing the original "Terminator" movie and decided
to watch it.  Josh climbed up on my bed with me and snuggled up to my left
side.  I warped my arm around him and gently squeezed his shoulder.  He
leaned his head against the side of my chest and sighed contentedly.  It was
his favorite TV watching position.  I think it gave him a sense of security
and satisfied his craving for physical contact.

By the time the movie ended, we were both getting a tired.  Josh stripped
down and hit the shower while I watched the evening news.  As usual, there
was a lot more bad news than good.  There were more atrocities in the
Balkans.  I watched those reports closely because I had friends serving in
Kosovo with UNPROFOR.  Each time I heard about another Canadian soldier
being wounded or killed, it caused me to worry, hoping that it wasn't
someone that I knew.

As I heard Josh shut off the shower, I ditched my clothes and headed into
the bathroom.  Josh was still drying himself off and brushing his teeth.

"All squeaky clean, eh kiddo?"  I smiled at him as I took the towel and
dried his hair for him.  He looked at the mirror and smiled back at me.  I
get the distinct feeling that there wasn't another person on the planet who
he would allow to dry his hair for him.  Certainly he wouldn't let anyone
else do it while he didn't have a stitch of clothing on.

I finished drying his hair and he leaned up and gave me a peck on the cheek
before heading out of the small bathroom.  It only took me a few minutes to
shower and brush my teeth, but by the time I was done, Josh had thrown on
some briefs and then drifted off to sleep on top of the covers of my bed.

I smiled lovingly at the sleeping boy then gently lifted him up and placed
him under the covers.  I kissed him softly on the forehead as I tucked him
in.  I made sure that the door was locked and then I carefully joined Josh
in bed.  I lay there thinking about the events of the day as Josh detected
my presence and snuggled up warmly against my side.  I wrapped my arms
around his narrow shoulders, enjoying the feeling of the rise and fall of
his chest as be snored softly, and I soon fell into a deep and restful
sleep.

I awoke slowly the next morning.  I lay on my stomach and I could feel Josh
sprawled partially on my back.  My shoulders felt wonderful.  It took me a
minute to realize that the source of the wonderful feeling in my shoulders
was Josh.  He was busy administering one of his famous neck and shoulder
rubs.

"Mmmm, that feels wonderful Josh," I mumbled.

"Morning dad," He said cheerfully as he paused and briefly cuddled against
my back before resuming the wonderful massage.

I just lay there enjoying the feeling of having all the tension flow out of
me.  "What did I do to deserve this?" I asked.

"You didn't have to do anything.  It's unconditional, remember?" He asked.

"Of course I do, bud.  Thanks"

He spent the next 10 minutes or so firmly and yet gently massaging my neck
and shoulders.  I was so relaxed that I nearly fell back to sleep.

"I'm hungry," Josh announced as he kissed me lightly on the shoulder
signaling the end of his massage.

I rolled over and hugged him.  "I'm hungry too; son, but I gotta take a
piss!" I said with a chuckle.  "Better let me up before I leave a mess for
the maid."

Josh laughed his usual melodic laugh and let me up.  I was glad to see that
he was once again the happy go-lucky boy that I loved so much.

We both showered, dressed and then packed up our belongings.  The plan was
to check out of the motel and then grab a decent breakfast before hitting
the road.  We weren't expected home until the dinner hour so I planned a
little detour which would give me an opportunity to have a real
heart-to-heart, man-to-man chat with Josh.

"All set bud?" I asked Josh as he finished packing his overnight bag.

"Yeah, but I wish we could stay longer.  I like it when it's just the two of
us."

"Me too, pal.  Me too.  Don't worry, though, we'll take plenty of trips like
this one and some that are even longer."

"Sounds good.  I don't care where we go, I just like being with you.  You're
the only adult that I know who doesn't treat me like a kid."

"I treat you like the incredible person you are, son."  I said with a smile.

"You're not so bad yourself, dad" Josh said with a chuckle.

"Weren't we going to have a talk?"  Josh asked hesitantly.

"You bet we are.  We have 7 or 8 hours before we're do at home so after
breakfast, we're going to head over to Wasaga beach."

"The beach in November?"  Josh asked in a surprised voice.

"We're not going in the water, turkey!  It's a nice little town just a short
drive from here.  I figure we'll take a nice long stroll along the beach and
have our talk.  Afterwards, I know a place where we can get some really good
steaks."

"I love steak!" Josh replied licking his lips.

We checked out and then made our stop at the local greasy spoon for a
"lumberjack" breakfast.  We each ended up with a large plate of food for a
very reasonable price.  I couldn't finish the last of my sausage links.
Josh didn't require a second invitation before snapping them up and making
them vanish.

"One of these days, Josh, I'm going to take you on the road-trip of a
lifetime."

"Oh yeah?  Where to?"

"Just about everywhere, at least everywhere in Canada."

"That'd be so cool.  It would take weeks.  Just the two of us together on
the road for weeks, it'd be amazing."  Josh said excitedly.

"One of these day's we'll do it.  That's a promise."

Josh smiled and reached over the table to squeeze my hand.

"This breakfast got me to thinking about a restaurant chain in western
Canada called Humpties.  They have the BEST breakfast menu.  You can't beat
it when you're on a long road-trip."

"Even better than this place?"

"Much better, little man, much better."

I was onto something.  I was pretty sure that Josh wouldn't want to go to
camp this summer unless I was going to work there.  I had enough money
stashed away that I could afford to work for camp counselor pay or even take
the summer off if I wanted too.  I had earned pretty good money working for
a computer company the summer before and I had been approved for a number of
student grants on top of my student loans.  I decided to start formulating a
road-trip plan and then run it by Susan.

We hit the road again and covered the short distance between Bracebridge and
Wasaga beach in a short time.  The town was quite different in the winter.
During the summer months, it was a crowded resort town.  The attraction of
the world's longest fresh water beach was enough to draw in thousands of
people from all over North America.  Things were a lot quieter in late
November.

I pulled the Jeep into the deserted parking lot and selected a spot close to
the beach.  Josh and I bundled up warmly before leaving exiting the car and
heading down onto the cool, windswept beach.

The water off Wasaga beach is shallow which allowed it to freeze up fairly
early in the season.  We walked close together along the sand and started
making our way down the beach.  The plan was to walk from one end to the
other and then back again.

It was a beautiful clear day with a nearly cloudless blue sky.  Most would
have found the beach to be a stark, cold and lonely place on that winter
morning, but to Josh and I it was anything but.  We walked together enjoying
each other's company.  We did, as countless dads and sons had done before,
and we talked about life, about growing up, about becoming a man.