Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2017 03:00:07 +0100 (CET)
From: z.blake@tutanota.com
Subject: Stick It Up Your Ass

TALES FROM THE MALE BAG:
STICK IT UP YOUR ASS
By Zachyboy
b/b, anal play

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

The following memories are sure-enough true according to the guys who sent
them in to me, but if makes you feel more comfortable to call them works of
fiction, sure, why not? We can go with that too.

If you believe in a place where free speech is valued and you always have a
home to share your sexual memories and fantasies, donate to Nifty today and
keep a very unique archive alive and well for the next generation.

http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html

On with the show.

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

I recently did a story called "Henry in the Hiney," where the young
protagonist pops things up his prepubescent pooper.

In Henry's case, the list of goodies he shoves up his butt include his
fingers, the top of a plastic water bottle, his little sister's jumbo
crayons, his mother's pink hair brush, bananas (peeled and unpeeled),
cucumbers, drug store enemas, his best friend Peter's mini-peter, the dog's
tongue, his uncle's finger and his teenage brother's cock. It was an
ambitious list, but I was bored that night.

I ended the story with a challenge: "Write me and let me know what you
liked to stick up your butt when you were a kid. If we get enough entries,
who knows? We could launch a memoir." And I'll be darned. You guys sent me
some revealing historical notes straight from your little back doors. I
have you well-trained. On to those in a moment.

I've written about boys sticking things up their buttholes before. In
"Henry" I confess I fell victim to the business-end of my little sister's
jump rope and walked around the house with it dangling out of my ass like I
was part of the cast of "Cats."

In "Little Bitty Ice Cubes," 11-year-old wonder twins Riker and Riley
canvass their neighborhood giving all their little friends the cold-hole
treatment with, well, you guessed it, little bitty ice cubes.

Rexxy's daddy in "Doing Daddy's Laundry" finds a creative way to scratch
his son's itchy butt with a Twix bar in the bathroom of an empty
laundromat. That one's still getting fan mail.

And I've always been meaning to write one called "Surprisatories," in which
the underage hero can't wait to try the next household item or grocery
store offering up his virginal rump. The to-do list on that one is
downright daunting.

Point being, childhood was a wondrous time, and for us burgeoning gaybee
babies, there was no end to the creative contents we shoved up our asses on
our way to fully-realized tophood and bottomhood.

So, how about it, world? What did you stick up your ass? Inquiring minds
want to know.

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

Anthony wrote, "Let's see. Things that went in my hiney when I was a
kid. Several handles of toothbrushes."

"One time I was pushing a marble on the outside of my hole and it went
in. That scared me, but I pooped it out."

"This one time, I put the hose end of an air pump for a toy car in my butt
and I was pumping air in to make me fart. The next day, my friend put it in
his mouth and said, "Yuck!" Lol."

"I also used a hair brush handle, a screwdriver handle and the small end of
a glass pop bottle."

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

Greg wrote, "When I was 11 to 16, I used rectal thermometers, fingers,
green peeled bananas, cucumbers, fragrance bottles, hairspray bottles, and
lots of anal douches of hot water."

"I also would masturbate anally while spying on my little brother's
pubescent friends through the bathroom window. I love pubescent boys'
little bottoms and would love to make love to a pretty little boy who would
appreciate my sexual attention."

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

Mark wrote about a boy named David, and their butt-exploratory friendship
when they were both 6 years old. It first appeared in "Smell This 4."

"To David's credit, he let me do whatever popped into the head of a little
six-year-old. I rubbed my finger all across his tan wrinkle...feeling every
fold of flesh, as well as the tacky wetness that was smeared across it. I
poked at his hole, seeing if I could get my finger inside, but to no
avail."

"I took a stick and poked at his hole, grabbed some berries off the vines
next to the cinder block wall and tried to push them into his little
pussy. I even found a peach pit that I rubbed across his hole and tried in
vain to push through his tight little ass muscle. The crazy things that
boys do."

Crazy? Um, yeah. Mark told me as he grew older, things he crammed (or tried
to cram) up his own butt included his dad's metal cigar tubes, the blunt
end of a fairly large flashlight greased with Vaseline, and the
motherfucking vacuum cleaner handle.

Whoof. Hats off to Mark.

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

Cory wrote: "I used to do ears of corn all the time. You know, not soft
sweet corn, but hard ears of feed corn; Indian corn."

"I'd read the term "cornholing" in Edmund White's "A Boy's Own Story,"
which was probably the only book in my town's whole library with even a
vague, childhood, boy-boy sex scene in it."

"The boy he meets in the book refers to butt fucking as "cornholing," which
fascinated me, because, well, I lived in Iowa, and if there was one thing
we had a shit ton of, it was corn."

"I had to shuck if first, of course, and sort of rub down the scratchy end
with the scrub pad in the sink. But once it was smooth and tapered, it was
a pretty natural shape to stick up my ass, as long as it was greased up
with plenty of Vaseline."

"The first time I did it in my bed, I made a mess all over my sheets and
got in a ton of trouble. I told my mom I'd been greasing my bike chain in
the garage and forgot to wash my hands and I got oil all over."

"After that, I was smart enough to do it on the floor with an old beach
towel under me, which I folded up and hid way up on a top shelf in my
closet and re-used."

"It hurt going in a lot. Ears of corn are thick. Bigger than a boy butt
should probably take, I guess."

"The trick was finding a slender enough ear of corn to do the job at
first. Although after the first year, I got pretty good at taking the thick
ones too."

"They always hurt going in, but once I got them inside myself, I could
usually get them pretty deep. At least half of the ear."

"I remember it felt like I had a big lump in my throat when I got one far
enough inside me."

"I'd fuck myself in and out with the ear for a little while, usually
pretending it was some boy I liked fucking me, and then I'd leave it in,
pushing as deep as I could with one hand while I jacked off with the other
hand. Sometimes I had it in me so far it made tears squeeze out of my
eyes. But I liked it. I did it a lot. I had excellent cums when I cornholed
myself."

"I was 12 when I started doing it. I did it all through my teen years until
I went off to college and started getting cornholed by the real thing."

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

A couple of submissions were deliciously brief.

Ken: "Only suppositories. For migraines."

Me: "Hmm. Maybe we can mine a couple of paragraphs from that one. From what
age to what age? Did you put them in yourself? Did your mom put them in?
Did you like them? Did they work? Did it ever occur to you to stick
anything else up your butt, even out of curiosity? Come on, man, Work with
me. I'm on a story deadline here."

Ken: "Yes, suppositories for migraines. I had to put them in. My mom took
my temperature via butt thermometer until I was about 9, I think. I started
getting migraines when I was 14.  She wasn't about to do it for me. "Just
go in the bathroom and stick it in." she said. It felt WEIRD! You can feel
them dissolving. Did I like them? They WORKED, so I LOVED them! Sometime
later I experimented with dildos."

Me: "Very interesting. But perhaps not the masturbatory zing my public is
clamoring for."

Ken: "No, I didn't think so either."

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

This one made me smile.

Jack: "A Bic pen, a tampon and I guess maybe a finger."

Me: "Perfect in its brevity."

Jack: "Spoiler alert: tampon applicators are sharp."

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

William wrote, "I would've been about 15 or so when I found one of my
mother's vibrators. She used to keep money in the front of her second
drawer, in front of her clothes. Every once in a while, I'd sneak in there
while she was out and swipe five bucks to buy some snacks at school."

"This time when I went in there, next to the little bank envelope was a
small pink vibrator. I say small but it was really about 5 inches or so
long and about as thick as a quarter."

"Turns out, underneath the clothes she had a handful of
vibrators. Apparently, this time she was in a rush to put it away and just
put it up front with the money. I was hard as a rock when I found it and
turned it on. I've always been into kinky and taboo things and the thought
of using a sex toy that belonged to my mother was hot as fuck."

"Needless to say, I took it back to my bedroom for some fun. I used some
hand lotion to grease it up and stuck it right up my ass. It hurt like fuck
the first time, since I'd never had anything else up my ass before. I had
to take it out and breathe deeply, but after a minute, I tried it again."

"Once I got it up there and turned it on, I probably lasted about 30
seconds before I was jizzing all over myself. Since then I've swiped her
vibrators more than once to pleasure myself, always putting them back right
where I found them and getting a small thrill out of my mother and I
sharing a sex toy."

"In fact, now as an adult, I get a naughty thrill out of having fucked
myself with a toy from both of my parents and knowing they use those toys
still."

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

Myself, I remember doing my mom's lipstick tubes. I started with the tiny
little white ones that Avon ladies used to leave behind as samplers, and
moved on to the full-size tubes in fairly short order. Ironic in a way that
Avon simultaneously served my mom's 35-year-old oral lips and my
10-year-old anal ones.

I know we shoved a lot of sticks up our asses in the woods when we were
kids. I'm assuming we blunted them down to relative smoothness somehow,
either reverse-whittling the sharp ends off with jack knives or rubbing
them smooth against rocks, since there were no punctures or fissures I'm
aware of. When it comes to sticks, whoof, safety first, kids. Don't try
this without an adult present.

I remember doing the handle of a ping pong paddle, and believe me, that
ping pong paddle and I were best friends for most of the 6th and 7th grade.

I never disrupted the contents of the fridge. I admire you guys who made
anal love to cucumbers, zucchini and bananas. I'm embarrassed to say, food
items simply never occurred to me.

I did do pencils, crayons, Bic pens, and the pokey-end of my mom's wooden
mixing spoons until my mom said, "Why are my spoons always so stained at
the ends all of a sudden? What are you kids using my spoons for?" I gave up
the practice, but didn't have the heart to tell her I'd taken her Betty
Crocker fudge brownie recipe to a whole new level.

I did my dad's big Zippo metal lighter, which was odd because it was
rectangular (and cold!) but by God, with a little lotion, I made it work,
and then the next week, I smirked to myself repeatedly as the mean
son-of-a-bitch lit his Winstons with my ass juice on his fingers.

Along with their myriad of air-tight servingware, Tupperware made a
snap-together toy dog and toy giraffe in the 1970's. Google them. They're
adorable. My mom bought my little sister one of each at Tupperware party at
my grandma's house one year.

The dog's tail and the giraffe's neck were my constant companions. The
dog's tail alone was like a starter-model butt plug for me. "Locks in
freshness," I'd giggle as I once again corked it up my clencher.

Like all of you guys, the things I stuck up my hungry little gaybee butt
are too numerous and creative to recall.

Send me your memories. We'll archive them here in the Male Bag.

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

Cheers,
Zach