Date: Fri, 8 Apr 2016 14:45:19 +0100
From: tpickles <tpickles2@gmail.com>
Subject: Thai Pan - chapter 15

THAI PAN : A JUNGLE TALE

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....................... The ending of Chapter 14 ......................

At last, one strong voice rang out across the clearing. "The Third and
Final Ritual of Transferring and Transforming the Seed is complete." It was
Muni's voice coming from directly behind my head. It was he who was holding
me. "We honour Pan, a wise and courageous leader. He has grown into a man
filled with wisdom and insight. We acknowledge him as a wise elder!"

There was a great shout from the boys in the clearing, accompanied by
cheers and stamping of feet, and lots of hugs and embraces. Several boys
ran forward to greet the young adult elders who had been involved in the
ritual. There was a sense of joyous excitement and exhilaration. I watched
as suddenly Deep ran forward from beside the fire. As he approached me, he
dropped to the ground. He crawled forward between my legs. In a quiet voice
that probably only I and Muni could hear, he said, "I'm so proud of you,
Pan!"

Before the festivities got too raucous, Muni spoke, "Tonight we will
celebrate. I don't doubt that Pan will need plenty of care and rest
tonight, and that some of you will provide this for him. In the days to
come, I will visit him in the village. I will talk with him and with many
other boys. The significance of tonight will become clear to everyone. For
now, though, I invite you all to enjoy this night!"

CHAPTER 15

I recall very little about the rest of the evening. I know that we
celebrated together – boys and elders – and that lots of people came up to
congratulate me and tell me how effective I was as the leader of the
village, or how good I was at listening to boys and helping them work
through their difficulties. I tried to meet some of the other young male
elders who had attended the ritual and whom I'd not met before. I wanted to
catch up with Muni, to find out what had been happening back in my home
village, but he just said that we would talk more in the days to come.

My body felt completely different. It was filled with a strange energy from
the Ritual that had spread throughout me. And, at the same time, I also
felt drained and very tired. I reckoned that so much had flowed through me,
my body needed time to recover. My mind couldn't settle. Even though I'd
been blindfold throughout the Ritual, images of what I imagined had been
happening kept intruding. And not just images from the Ritual; memories of
all that had happened over recent months. My emotions were all over the
place: excitement, sadness, tiredness, elation.

Before too long, my friends realised that I was struggling to stay awake
and engaged. Nong and Kong came up to me and offered to accompany me back
to the village. I'd already had a brief rinse in the river after the
Ritual, but now they made sure I had a good shower. They led me to my
bedroom and helped me climb into bed. I fell into a deep sleep very quickly.

I woke a couple of times during the night. At first, I thought I had been
left alone in the bedroom to sleep undisturbed. Then in the dim light I saw
a shape lying across the foot of the bed. It was Deep, fast asleep. He must
have come into the room to check on me. The next time I awoke, Deep was
still there but he had moved. He was curled up behind me on the bed, his
arm across my chest. When I moved slightly, he opened his eyes. "I wanted
to make sure you were OK," he said, "Do you want anything?"

"Some water would be nice," I replied. He went off to fetch some clean
water from the kitchen area and brought it back to me. Later in the morning
he would bring me some breakfast to eat as well.

oOo

A day or so later, Muni came into the village. I don't know where he had
been living, but I assumed it was with the other elders somewhere out there
in the jungle. Apart from during the Ritual itself, none of the other boys
had met him before. He spent quite some time chatting with different
groups, being shown around the village, and offered food and drink. After a
couple of hours, he came to find me.

"This village has changed so much," he began.

"How do you mean?"

"The huts have been improved and are now more comfortable. The farming area
is more extensive. There are proper paths to get around. When I first came
here, it was all so much simpler; it didn't look like it had changed in
generations." I asked him when he'd first come to the village. "I was a boy
then – probably no older than you. The elders in my village had sent me.
They could see what I might grow up to become. The way it happened is
pretty much the same today. As I told you before, I'd been watching out for
you all through your life, and when the time was right, I introduced you to
the first ritual and sent you out to find the village. My first time here,
I stayed a year." I asked him how often he'd been. "This is my fourth
visit. Sometimes the village is empty for several years. Then a new group
of boys find their way here. When I first became an elder, I came back here
to learn more about myself. Then, ten years ago, I was part of the elder
group that lived outside the village but kept a protective eye on the boys
who were living here then. I don't know how long this village has been
here. But through many generations it has been the place where boys and
young men would come in order to grow, be initiated and find their way to
becoming elders."

We sat in comfortable silence for a time. Maybe Muni was reflecting on his
previous visits. I considered arguing with him about the fact that when I'd
set out from home, he'd told me he didn't know where my destination was.
But then I realised that if he had told me, I would just have pestered him
for more information, and the impact of discovering this special place for
myself would have been lost. Besides, the Village of Lost Boys wasn't
really my destination. It was just a place on my journey. Where I might go
next was the destination towards which all these experiences were leading.

Some of my thoughts must have been evident to Muni – or else he also
possessed mind-reading skills. "We need to talk about what happens for you
next, Pan."

I looked at him, waiting patiently for him to continue. "As I said in the
Third Ritual, you have excelled as the leader of the village. You have
matured in wisdom and inner knowledge. Your work here in the village is
done." My heart sank. Right now, I didn't want to leave. My friends were
here. The village worked well. My life was comfortable.  But Muni
continued: "No-one can stay here for ever. This is a liminal place, a place
where transitions occur. The village is the threshold from which you go out
into the world to live your life and serve other people with wisdom,
courage and insight. That is your true role. Despite your young age, you
are a wise elder. Your role now is to serve others."

"How do I do that?" I asked.

"In the same way that you have learned here, Pan. You live alongside other
people in villages and communities. You make yourself available to them.
You listen to them and guide them where you can. You listen to your inner
voice. You take all the shared knowledge and insight from the Seed. You
love them. You are their respected elder."

"But where do I go? How will people know me? Why would anyone listen to
me?" I was beginning to panic now.

"To answer your last question first. Men and women will listen to you for
just the same reasons as the boys in this village listen to you. They
respect you. And they recognise the authority, integrity and insight that
you hold. Now for the practicalities. To begin with, you will go back to
your own home village. People there will welcome you. You will become one
of their elders. In time, you will travel more widely as people start to
talk about your knowledge and skill. You will visit other communities,
spending time with their people. Just as I have done for many years. In the
early days, I will be available to mentor you, but my time is passing.
Increasingly, you may come to take on my position. One of important roles
you will have is to recognise future boys and young men who have the
calling to become elders. You will do for them what I have been doing with
you."

"Will I leave this village for ever?"

"I cannot know, but I doubt it. There will be more boys to follow you.
There will be gatherings of elders. I think you will return here in the
future. But by then, there will be very different boys living here."

"And what happens to the boys who are living here now?" I suddenly felt
very protective of all those whom I had cared for.

"They will continue to live here until each feels ready to leave. More of
the boys will become ready to complete the Third and Final Ritual. Then
they too will become elders, ready to go out into the world to serve
others. And many boys will find the healing, strength and courage to leave
and make a success of their lives."  A silence fell between us. I could
feel the pain of leaving already.

"There are two important tasks for you to consider before you go," Muni
began again. "Firstly, the village will need a new leader – someone who can
command the respect of all the other boys; someone who will lead them in
his own way, without trying to copy your style. Secondly, many elders
choose to take on a `novice'. A novice is usually a younger boy whom the
elder takes full responsibility for. He mentors the boy, preparing him in
every possible way to become an elder when the time is right. These are
your last two decisions as the leader of this village. Who should succeed
you. And who, if anyone, will be your novice. You need to consider both
these questions very carefully over the next day."

"What is the hurry? I like living here in the village. I love my friends
here. I'm not ready to leave them!" I could hear the vehemence rising in my
own voice.

"I understand all that you are feeling, Pan. I have been in that place
myself. It is painful to leave something you love behind. But this is the
threshold of the village. You know you are going to leave. Now that you see
the inevitability of this, it will be increasingly painful to try and defer
it. And it won't be fair for the other boys who remain. Above all else,
they need stability and protection in their lives. If the leader is
leaving, they can no longer feel that. Your role with them has changed
already."

I sat quietly for a long time. I was close to tears. So many memories. So
many friends. So many good times. And yet, I had to recognise the truth in
what Muni was saying. Even if I stayed, things would never be the same
again. I had a future role that lay elsewhere. And these boys needed to
continue their personal journeys and discoveries here in the village until
they too were ready to leave.

"OK, I understand," I acknowledged finally. "Help me, please. What do I
need to do to make this work for everyone?"

"Today, you will need time to adjust. Change is never easy. You will need
to begin to grow into all that your new role requires of you. Tomorrow, you
will call a meeting of all the boys. You will tell them what is happening
for you. You will probably also tell them how much you care about them.
Then you will announce your choice for the new leader. Finally, if you
choose a novice to accompany you, you will approach him privately and
invite him to join you. We will leave early the next morning, at first
light – just as we did when we set out from your home village. We will go
together this time, you and I and any novice. We will return to your home
village where you will be welcomed and honoured. The next phase of your
life – and that of your novice – will begin."

oOo

I spent the next few hours in turmoil. At times, I was filled with sadness
and grief at leaving so much behind. Other times, I was incredibly excited
about returning home and seeing old familiar faces, the graves of my
parents, and the comforts of my village. Above all, I contemplated the two
decisions I had to make. Actually, the answers came very easily. The
choices just arose within me quite naturally. I felt quiet confidence in my
choices and the way in which they had manifested themselves.

It was now the evening of the village gathering. I had summoned all the
boys to attend. Muni, Zee and PeeJay came too to lend me their support. The
boys were arranged in front of me. I had previously asked for my closest
friends – those whom I had known longest in the village - to sit nearby for
support. Win, Nong, Kong and Chet were arranged on either side of me.

I began by thanking them all for their witnessing of my Third Ritual. This
evoked quite a lot of laughter and helped ease the mood. A couple of boys
shouted out that they `weren't just witnessing it!'. It was clear there had
been a lot of shared pleasure throughout the evening. When the noise
quietened down, I told them something of my arrival in the village; of how
I had left my home with Muni, and then been encouraged to find my own way
to the village; how I had been met by Zee and PeeJay who brought me here;
and how I was the only boy at that time. I recounted a little of the
history of the village that I knew – which wasn't much – but how it had
been used over many generations as a place for boys and youths to grow and
mature. I talked a little about the arrival of different boys over the
weeks and months. I told them a few stories from our life together in the
village. And then I came to the serious part.

"And now," I hesitated, looking around, "After the Third Ritual the other
night, it is the right time for me to leave our village and go back out
into the world." There was a gasp from several boys. A hush descended on
the entire gathering. "My role here is done. After talking with Muni, who
is the elder in my home village, I realise that my role in future is to
serve as an elder in other villages and communities. So I shall be leaving
very shortly. Our village here will go on just as before. I want you all to
stay here for as long as you need. But for each of us there will come a
time when it is right to leave. And new boys will find their way here too,
seeking to discover all the things that you are learning, participating in
each of the important Rituals. My time for leaving is now. When Muni and I
talked about this, he told me that I had one final responsibility – and
that is to identify the next leader of this village. The next leader should
not try to follow my way, but should establish his own way of doing things
whilst maintaining all the important rules and values by which we life here
together in the village. I have thought very carefully about this. This
person has grown in wisdom and maturity since their very first day in this
village. I ask you to give this person your full support. The person I
nominate as leader of the Lost Boys is ... Chet."

There was a lot of shouting and clapping at the announcement. I'd not
forewarned Chet so this came as a total surprise. He looked at me blankly
at first. Then he looked as though he was going to argue with me. Other
boys were running up to him. But he stood up and walked towards me,
embraced me and whispered in my ear, "Thank you for such confidence in me.
I will do my best. I will try to learn from everything you have done here.
I don't know what else I can say." I felt that his response alone showed me
I had made the right decision.

I gave Chet my seat as a physical symbol of the transfer of my authority. I
stood behind him and to one side. I asked for quiet again. "There is one
final thing I have to tell you. Muni told me that it was common for new
elders to select a novice who would accompany them and be mentored by them
as he too was prepared for elderhood. Muni asked me whether I wished to
choose such a novice to leave the village with me. This has been a
difficult decision. If I chose someone, he would be a companion for me, and
a permanent connection back to our life in this village. But for that boy,
it would also come with a cost: he too would leave the village, leave his
friends, and start out on something new and unknown. I didn't know if this
was fair. There was one boy who I felt was absolutely ready to be a novice,
and who I felt I could mentor personally. Earlier today, I approached that
boy, explained the situation as clearly as I could, and asked him to decide
whether he felt able to leave with me as my novice. He didn't need to think
about it for very long. He is ready to make the change. This afternoon he
has been preparing himself for this announcement; he has been talking with
his closest friends. So tonight, I can tell you all that when I leave the
village I will be accompanied by ... Deep. I promise you all that I will look
after him, and mentor him, and love him; he will be my novice.

There were more gasps and shouts from the whole group. Many people went up
to Deep and he was surrounded by his friends. For a moment, I felt bereft
and lonely. What had I done in tearing this boy away from his friends?
Then, after a couple of minutes of excited activity, Deep himself broke
away from his circle. He approach Chet – the boy who had done most to look
after him in the early days of his life in the village – and hugged and
thanked him. Then he turned to me, smiled and came to stand in front of me.
He put his hands around me and I held his back. Even in the turmoil and
emotion of this meeting, I thought I could feel a stirring as our groins
were pressed together ... but maybe I just wanted to imagine that.

The gathering broke up shortly afterwards. I made my way around as many
boys as I could, hearing their good wishes and saying my farewells as best
I could. Deep was doing much the same. We were leaving in the morning.

Later, as I went up the hut steps to bed for the last time, I heard running
feet behind me. It was Deep. I turned and looked at him, my face clearly
questioning his actions. "I want to be with you, tonight, please Pan," he
said. "If I am to learn from you, then it should start now. I've said my
good-byes. I want to look forwards, not backwards." He was holding a small
bag containing his stuff: I remembered that he'd arrived wearing just a few
torn and dirty clothes, and now he was leaving with the minimum of
possessions. I nodded and reached out for his arm. We climbed the steps
together.

It was late. As we went past the door to the second bedroom, we could see
Win on the bed with Nong and Kong. All were undressed. Kong had recently
shaved his hair again to accentuate his gra-juu. The three-way action
looked like it could get very steamy. It was just another example of the
exhibitionist tendencies of Nong and Kong. I guessed that Win would end up
being fucked, probably by both boys, and that every other permutation was
equally possible. Deep and I glanced at each other and smiled. Under
different circumstances, I know we would have walked into the bedroom and
joined in the fun. This was their life in the village – and we were leaving
it behind. I led Deep on to the darkness of my own bedroom.

For several minutes we lay quietly on the bed together. Then Deep reached
over and ran his hands across my chest. I didn't stop him as his hand
wandered lower. He undid the knot on my gra-juu cloth and nudged me to lift
my hips so he could remove it entirely. He leant across to suck on my
nipple whilst my cock gradually came to life. He took hold of me and
started to stroke me. Some moments later he rolled on top of me and we
began kissing deeply. My hands stroked down his slender body until I could
cup his buttocks in each palm; they were firm and rounded and smooth. I
pulled him into me as closely as possible. We made long, slow, intimate
love.

oOo

Deep nudged me awake at first light. We both dressed quickly in clothes
suitable for the `outside' world. We each carried just a small bag. We
passed the second bedroom where the door was now closed; perhaps the boys
had worn themselves out last night! At the foot of the steps, Muni was
already waiting for us. He'd gathered some food and some water from the
kitchen to sustain us on our walk. As we walked across the village, between
the huts, there was no-one in sight. Our departure was intended to be quiet
and very low-key. We took the path from the village towards the barrier and
small cabin at the entrance to the village.

As we approached, we each became aware of the boys gathered there. We were
not being allowed to go without a final send-off. There were five boys
waiting just beyond the barrier. I wondered briefly how long they had been
standing there for us. Each boy paid their respects to Muni as he walked
down the line first.

I followed next, with Deep just a step or two behind me. Chet stood at the
head of the line. He held me by the shoulders and looked directly at me.
"What you have done here has been so valuable – for me personally, and for
everyone else. I cannot express my thanks in words. I will not let you
down. And I trust that one day, we shall meet again." As he held me, our
eyes looked deep into each other; they conveyed all that could not be said
in words. Next was Win who was close to tears. He hugged me and kissed me,
not wanting to trust his voice which might let him down. Nong too put his
arms around me, nuzzled my neck and held me close as he whispered words of
love and affection. Kong's approach was more physical: he held me tight but
his hand travelled down between us to squeeze my gra-juu. "Travel safely,
my very dear friend – and don't leave it too long until you come back to
see us – I want some more of this!" and he squeezed me again. Finally,
there was Ton. He jumped up and put his hands around my neck and his legs
around my waist. Tears were running down his face. "Please take good care
of my best friend. Please bring him back to me when you can," he pleaded.

Deep too had received the embraces and good wishes as he passed along the
line behind me. But his farewell with Ton was the most painful to witness.
The two friends clung to each other, kissing and hugging, both in tears. I
could only guess how much this parting was costing each of them.
Eventually, they broke apart. The remaining boys gathered together, arms
around each other, to witness our departure and to comfort each other. We
three turned and with Muni in the lead and Deep at the rear, we walked away
down the path. It was a long time before any of us felt like talking.

Some way out, and not too far from the place on the path where I had first
met them so many months before, Zee and PeeJay stepped out from the trees
to give us their final farewells and blessings. They wished us a safe
journey and this time I felt more confident that I might see one or both of
them again at some future gathering of elders.

We walked on, back down the path that I had trodden alone during my
arrival. This time there were three of us. Muni was confident in his
navigation. Occasionally a landmark would appear and I would have a faint
recollection of noticing it on my solo walk. But mostly we walked in line,
talking occasionally as necessary, and each nursing his own thoughts.

Late in the afternoon, our walking reverie was interrupted by the sight of
two people on the path coming towards us. Up to that moment we'd seen
no-one since leaving the village. As we got closer I could see they were
two boys. From their physical resemblance, they were clearly brothers. The
older one spoke, "We couldn't be sure whether you were friendly, or whether
we needed to avoid you. We've been walking through this jungle for many
days and we've heard so many stories." As we stood in a little group on the
path I could observe the boys more easily. The older brother was colt-like;
the muscles on his legs and arms beginning to firm up, his bare chest
filling out although somewhat in need of a good wash. His younger brother
was more slender and in the midst of his adolescent growth phase. Both had
sharp, attractive faces beneath heads of dark hair. With a pang I realised
how attractive they both looked, and for a fleeting moment, wondered what
could happen.

My thoughts were interrupted by Muni's reply. "You are safe with us. You
are right to be careful, but we will bring you no harm. Where are you
going?"

"We're not too sure," replied the older boy, "My brother and I have had to
leave our home. We have heard stories about a village where boys like us
can live. But we don't know where it is. Do you know anything about it? Can
you help us find it?"

"I too have heard those same stories," I answered. "I don't have any map or
guide to finding this place. I just encourage you to keep walking this path
and trust that your instinct will take you where you need to go."

We shared a little food with the two boys and then we set out again in our
different directions. The next generation of boys was being called to
discover the Village of the Lost Boys.

...........................................................................

MY OTHER BOOKS ABOUT TEEN BOYS

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THAI PAN: A JUNGLE TALE
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BOY: THE MENTORING OF A GAY TEEN
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TOBY'S SECRET JOURNAL
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