Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 18:55:00 -0500 (EST)
From: J <burlguy@excite.com>
Subject: How Did I Get This Far?

OK, so I told you all about how I got started at the park, and how I found
out about the restrooms when I went there with some buds to play ball, and
how I went back that night. And how I still don't think I should write this
all down, cause it is so weird and all, but I want to because it's kinda
hot.

So I started off with this dude in his car. And I felt his chest, which was
real hairy, and he was hot, even though he was way older, and that seems
sort of weird, too, like I am playing around with my dad or something,
LOL. And that first time, we just beat each other off, and I loved the way
his felt, it was all thick and all, and he squirted a lot, but what was hot
was how good it felt, his hands on mine, and how his hands were sorta
rough, but he did it real good, sorta slow, but really nice, and when I
shot, it went all up to my chest and all.

So I started going back, whenever I could. The park is not too far from our
house, and I would tell my parents I was going to a friend's house or to
the mall or something, and I'd go hang out over there. The park is busy
during the day, but during the night it gets sorta deserted, and the place
where this restroom is is in this dark area, with a parking lot there.

Lots of guys hang there. I never much go during the day, cause it seems
weird, and I'm always scared I'll see somebody I know. But at night, it's
mostly older guys, nobody much my age (I'm 19 now) and besides, I've
started thinking older dudes are way hot.  Which is kinda weird, you know?
I mean, I never thought that way before.  Now I even started thinking that
some teachers are hot.  Too strange.

When I first started, it was like the first time: we'd beat off.  I mean, I
just wanted to feel them, and them feel me.  Kissing was just too weird.
And I was not about to suck, and I didn't want anybody to suck me.  It felt
like I was going too far, like I would always be a fag if I did that.

And I guess that's why I'm writing this, to try to figure out how I got so
far.  Because I started going there a couple of times a week, and there was
always guys there, and I used to go to their cars.  We didn't do much.  I
mean, sometimes they would try to kiss, and I'd just say, No, dude, I don't
do that.  Or guys would want to suck me.  Or they would want me to suck
them, which I just couldn't deal with.  It seemed gross and all.  And I
think sort of promised myself that I wouldn't go that far.  It was like
every night, after I had shot off, I would leave there, and I'd feel sorta
bad, like I shouldn't have done it, and I'd think, Well, dude, if you just
beat off, you're cool.  Just nothing more.

And that's what I did for like a month or so and everything was cool.
Until this really nice guy starts talking to me.  I mean, I was horned big
time, and he starts talking.  God, I hated that.  Just get me off, man.
But he starts talking, about sex and cocks, and all, and I got even more
horned.  And he's asking me, real nice like, like why didn't I want to
kiss?  And why didn't I want to suck and all.  And I just started laughing,
cause I start laughing when I get nervous, and this guy freaked me.  Don't
get me wrong.  He was real nice, and not strange or anything, but he was
real hot, really built and he had a big cock.  But the way he talked just
freaked me.  And he told me this, I mean I'll never forget it: Just start
slow, do what feels comfortable to you, but maybe go a little further than
you're completely comfortable with.  And after he said that, I just sat
wanting him to kiss me.  And he knew it, somehow.  And he just real gently
kisses my lips while he was beating me, and I got mega-hard, and he pulls
his mouth away, and asks me, Are you cool with this?, and I just sorta
shook my head, yeah, and he comes closer, and kisses, and I kiss back, and
he puts his tongue in my mouth, and when I shot, I could feel the stubble
of his beard on my face, and I could smell his skin, and I don't know why,
but he just kept stroking it as his tongue moved deep in my mouth, and I
shot like crazy that time, and I just thought as it squirted that, God, I
love this guy, and what the fuck is goin on.