Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2006 08:34:30 +0200
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: "The Choice" 04/15 (Adult Youth)

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THE CHOICE
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2006
written on November 12th 1996
translated by the author
English text kindly revised
by Khasidi

-----------------------------

USUAL DISCLAIMER

"THE CHOICE" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes
of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and
so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this
story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you
think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.

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CHAPTER 4 - CONFESSION

It was only later, while they were standing in front of the sink with
Father Gustavo washing the plates and Adriano drying them, that the
priest approached the subject in a gentle tone, "You know, young man,
nowadays it seems that in this world there is every kind of sadness. Too
much so. And yet, sometimes our problems are not so insurmountable as
they seem at first. Well, at times they can be, but normally it's
possible to find a way to solve or avoid them, if only..."

"No, I really can't see a way to solve mine... no, I think it really is
impossible." Adriano interrupted him. He found himself plunged suddenly
back into his anxieties after the safety of supper. "I felt, now... I
feel... I just want to lie down and die."

"Really? Why?" Father Gustavo asked gently. He stopped washing the
plates and turned towards the boy who gave no answer. The priest thought
for a while and then asked, "Adriano, did you by chance get in trouble
with a girl? Is that what it is that makes you so... dejected?"

"Huh?" The astonished expression on his face masked his desperation for
a moment. He almost burst out laughing. But then the boy averted his
eyes from the young priest and his beautiful face. He blushed bright
red, then gathering all the courage that he had inside himself, Adriano
said with a trembling voice, "No, Father. The problem is all mine. I'll
never get in trouble with a girl. No, never..." and the plate he was
drying almost slipped in his hands. He put it on the table.

Suddenly, the sweet handsome features of Adriano's face twisted in
intense pain. The dam he had erected to hold back his tears cracked,
broke, and crumbled. All his pain started to pour out as tears streamed
down his burning cheeks.

The young parson instinctively enfolded his young parishioner, the lost
sheep of his flock, in his strong arms and pulled him tightly to his
chest. In spite of the crying youth's size, the muscular priest held him
like a baby and cradled him tenderly, while he leaned his back against
the sink. "Yes, let it all come out... let it all get out..." he
murmured softly in Adriano's ear.

Adriano, unable to stop his tears, hid his forehead between Father
Gustavo's shoulder and neck. He cried for a while, as Father Gustavo
held him tightly and stroked his hair with one of his big hands.

At last, the boy's flood of desperate tears lessened and he became aware
of how close their bodies were, closer now than they had ever been. In
spite of the sharp pain he was still feeling inside himself, the
proximity of their bodies awakened a sense of pleasure. The man, who
caressed his head to console him, had ignited the fuse of his youthful
sensuality. All he had thought, everything he had planned or decided,
suddenly had to be totally reorganized -- and quickly, too.

The comforting strength of the young parson's arms gave the boy a sense
of safety he had never experienced in his life. Never had arms
protected, shielded, welcomed him so totally. Adriano felt that none of
the meanness, the incomprehension, the dangers that were lying in wait
out in the world could touch at him or threaten him as long as he was in
these strong arms. He felt the healing power of that embrace. He felt
that his healing was beginning.

But still, in a strange, amazing way, the stress he felt at that moment
refused to leave him. It changed inside him into a new fear.

Adriano was frightened by how fast and sudden these unbelievable changes
were occurring inside of him. The intensity of his sensation and
sentiments caused one unintentional change. Suddenly this one desire
became more important than all the others. Adriano became aware that he
no longer felt a burning desire to find freedom; instead, he wanted to
find someone to whom he could express his love.

His cheeks burned. Every muscle in Adriano's lean hard body suddenly
tensed and became rigid. It mirrored his sudden wild erection  that was
burning like a furnace inside his boxers, stretching down along his
trouser leg.

Even though, in his dreams, day or night, he had frequently experienced
scenes similar to this one in detail, Adriano was caught completely by
surprise. He was astonished that his self-control seemed to have
vanished.

He also became aware that Father Gustavo could not help but feel his
erection, so strong and firm had it grown, pressed hard between their
bodies.

Fear of the most raw and primeval kind shook the bewildered boy and
pushed him to free himself from the embrace, to run away before an
avalanche of contempt and the burning prejudice from the priest could
fall upon him. But his legs suddenly seemed give way. His body was too
weak to support him.

Trembling, and too terrorized to look up at the outraged expression he
was sure was on Father Gustavo's face, Adriano hid his eyes against the
priest's shoulder. He waited for the man to break his protective embrace
and to roughly push him away. Finally, with great fear, the boy found
the strength to raise his head slowly from the young parson's shoulder.
His oval eyes wide with terror and his young gentle face marked by
streams of salty tears, Adriano looked into Father Gustavo's eyes with
great effort, "Oh my God... I'm sorry, Father!" he moaned, "I'm really
sorry... I didn't think... I didn't want... but I... oh, my God!"

Father Gustavo loosened his embrace, but didn't push him away and the
contact between their bodies didn't cease. Instead he took the ravaged
face of the boy into his big hands, saying, "Hey, shh, calm down, that's
a boy! Everything is all right." With fatherly tenderness the big man
dried the tears from the boy's face with his thumbs, his hands never
leaving his face. "It's just natural. You don't have to apologize. All
boys your age, coming of age, often have too much energy urging to get
out. So, at times, nature overcomes will power..." Father Gustavo said
with a smile.

Like a sudden spark that lights the darkness, which, though minute, can
orient someone who has been groping in the dark, Father Gustavo Cirasa
raised his eyebrows and stopped to reconsider what the boy had just told
him about girls... Immediately the parson's wide chest seemed to expand
with deep excitement.   He gave a short sob, saying, "Wait!" and his
voice lowered to an incredulous whisper, "Young man... is that what you
were trying to tell me just now? That for you girls... that you are..."

Adriano quivered, and lowered his chin in assent to the not entirely
expressed question of Father Gustavo. Then he started to cry again.

Suddenly Father Gustavo clasped the boy tightly against himself while
his chest shook in the effort to hold back the laughter. "Come on! What
are you saying?" He giggled at the absurdity of the silent admission of
the boy, and started to gently rock him again, lightly caressing his
shoulders trying to calm him down. "You think you are, but you are so
young. What do you know about such things? What makes you believe you
are so?"

"I feel it all the time, Father! Even now I'm feeling it... I feel it
for you," Adriano exclaimed in despair, starting to sob again as he
finally confessed the truth. "And I have always felt it."

Even though caught unaware, Father Gustavo continued to hold Adriano in
his arms, but he pushed his head back so as to look into the boy's eyes,
"Me?" he asked. His voice vibrated with a faint note of amazement. "You
mean... you are feeling such things... for me, son? You mean...
sexually?"

"Oh, much more than just that, Father..." Adriano's voice fell to a
whisper before he could control his answer, "I feel...something that
is... love."

Now that he had confessed his deepest secret, Adriano made the most
important decision of the day. A decision that would completely change
his life. In spite of his youthful inexperience about problems of the
heart, he willingly abandoned himself to his faith in miracles, that
belief that rises in everyone who is in love. With sudden daring,
Adriano pressed his full lips against Gustavo's in one swift move.

So, the beautiful boy got his first experience of the sweet madness that
naturally infects a lover's kiss. Astounded, but hungry for his first
taste of the velvety electric lips of another person, the person towards
whom he felt a sudden and frantic love. Adriano pressed Gustavo's mouth
and kissed him with all his being, deep and passionately, burning with
everything that he was feeling.

A flash and a wave of fire coursed rapidly through Adriano's veins. His
manhood, now harder than ever before was near to explosion. Throbbing,
it pushed its entire fullness painfully inside the narrow prison of his
confining trousers, against the man's hot body. Consequently the heat of
his sex reached an intensity so new for the virgin boy, that he had
never suspected the possibility of it in his fantasies. Adriano felt
that he was demolishing all the internal defenses with which he had,
until now, protected himself... After all, he still was in the strong
embrace of the beautiful, beloved man. So he felt that he had not only
been forgiven for his confession, but accepted also.

Father Gustavo, when the boy confessed his love to him -- not just
desire, but love -- at once abandoned all his hesitation, all the
defenses he had been building up, all the common sense objections. He
engaaged himself seriously in the urgent kiss, fiercely returning the
pleasure the soft full lips of the boy offered. The strength of his
embrace became even greater. He was, after all, just a man among men in
this world. Never in his twenty-nine, almost thirty years of life had he
experienced a moment like this. It seemed as if suddenly every hidden or
denied piece in the mosaic of his personality was finding its rightful
place.

Gustavo Cirasa felt that it would be impossible to refuse.He didn't want
to part his lips from the salty sweetness of the lean strong boy who was
clinging to him almost with anguish. At each expansion and contraction
of his wide chest, strong breaths blew from the dilated nostrils of the
tall man, as if he were a young bull breathlessly striving to reach the
nirvana of the mounting.

Yet, at the same time, reason and faith hammered at the mind of the
handsome priest, urgently demanding that he reject his sudden and strong
desire for Adriano. They pushed him to find and accept victory of the
spirit over the flesh, to renounce the costly journey into the kingdom
of the body's pleasure...

But all the complaints of his mind against the journey his body had
already started were useless. The desperate pain of passion that was
suddenly burning in his heart and the scorching awareness of his virile
rod that was struggling to stand up between his muscled thighs, hampered
by his clothes and their tight proximity, were rapidly weakening all the
resistance he could rally to fight his strong temptation. He became
aware that, as a man, he, Gustavo, would not be able to resist a new
assault by the sweet tongue of Adriano. And he knew this mainly because
he knew, he really knew, that what Adriano was offering him was his love
and that Adriano was asking him for his love in return.

The decision was hit and bounced back like a squash ball between his
contrasting feelings. He was running wide; back and forth to catch the
ball and hit it again, even as he felt his strength rapidly deserting
him. The fear for the spiritual health of them both pushed him to stop
the dangerous contact that went beyond all the rules; but the affection
that the young priest felt for the pained boy prevented him from pushing
him away from his embrace. The need to remain faithful to his vows,
maintained for so many years, demanded respect; his own desire
overbearingly awakened, asked satisfaction. His long education in these
matters called for him to interrupt what was happening; the need the boy
was expressing for him with his whole body, wanted satisfaction.

Notwithstanding the firestorm  of passion which ignited his feverish
mind, the young priest was perfectly aware that everything in that
difficult moment -- most importantly, in both of their lives, was held
in suspense, in danger. Any choice he made would have consequences that
would change both of their lives from this point on.

>From the beginning of his preparation for the priesthood, in the
seminary, fifteen years earlier, Gustavo had been perfectly clear in his
mind that a man who dedicated himself completely to God by pronouncing
his vows, completely renounces his sexuality. And he had accepted that
renunciation, sworn it in front of God and men. He had sworn fidelity to
a vow that was not unlike that of marriage, in which a man makes a
covenant with his wife to respect her and not to desire other women . He
knew this, he understood it, he accepted it. He knew too well that
temptation often awakens, that it was possible to fall, in fact he too
had fallen; but he had trained in prayer and in the strict observance of
his vows for years. He was no longer a boy like Adriano. The
well-trained fighter he had made of himself warned him aloud of the
consequences full of problems that would result if he didn't interrupt
this contact. But Gustavo had already hesitated too long.

An unbelievable feeling flamed up within him leaving him breathless,
sexually aroused, physically confounded. The young parson suddenly knew
that he was deeply in love with this boy whom he had seen grow up sound
and strong, beautiful and good... and his stomach contracted in a bundle
of painful knots... It was not just physical desire that compelled each
toward the other; it was love! He was doing it, he was loving, for the
first time in his life! He was hopelessly in love, desperately in love!
He was thirsty for love, and he wanted to receive it from this wonderful
boy who, crying, had confessed his love for him.

Gustavo savored the sweet taste of love, something which, he clearly
felt, he had always unconsciously desired but never experienced. But it
now was here, within hand's reach, the happiness he had always longed
for. That same love about which he had so often talked during his
sermons during his masses, after the Gospel. And now... Love manifests
himself in unforeseeable ways...

Suddenly the parson found in himself the strength to interrupt the state
of passion that possessed their bodies, their mouths. Angry with himself
because he had not been able to remain in control of himself, but
careful and tender towards the boy who clung to him like a shipwrecked
person about to drown. Gustavo interrupted their kiss, which had already
lasted too many minutes and slowly, gently, he moved the boy's body away
from himself. Adriano looked at him grieved, saddened, unbelieving; but
he instinctively stepped away one more pace. His eyes were staring into
the troubled eyes of the beautiful priest with a silent question.

"Adriano... my dear boy... You have to think well about all this.... You
have to..." Gustavo drew a difficult breath, deeply upset, "... You have
to be certain. Are you sure, really sure? How can you really think you
want such a thing, such a life? Who have you been with so far?"

"Nobody. Never." Adriano answered, his strong chest still heaving, his
eyes fixed in those of Gustavo, searching the expression of the
beautiful man for marks of his true feelings.

"Then, it seems to me, the best thing I can do for each of us in this
moment is... to lie. Yes, to lie... and to shamelessly lie!" the
beautiful man said almost in a murmur but with a decided tone. He stood
up from his position against the sink and moved one more step to
Adriano's side, separated from Adriano, but never abandoning the boy's
eyes for a single moment. Gustavo's own eyes were filled with confusion
and trouble. "I have the duty to tell you that there are no two ways
about it, between you and me there could not be what you hope. Try to
understand what I am trying to tell you, my dear boy!"

Father Gustavo's voice rose with strength and determination and, even
though Adriano's ears did not want to hear these words, they had to
listen. The young priest knit his brows, folded his arms on his chest,
and stood up straight, "Is it not so? It is not my duty to tell you that
what we allowed to happen is a hundred percent wrong? That it is wrong
for you to do it with me... or with any other boy or man? Son, isn't it
my duty to kick you in the butt and send you straight home? Good God
Almighty, Adriano! And one day somebody will look me straight in the
eyes and will tell me clearly and bluntly that this is exactly what it
was my duty to do, if not for myself, then certainly for your own good,
because you are still just a boy. That day will come, and they will be
right. Yes, they will. And do you know one more thing? After reproaching
me with that, they will tell me that the weight of the sin in all of
this is on my shoulders alone; because, in spite of the fact that I was
fully conscious of things, and that I was a man of God, in spite of the
fact that I was preaching the word of God, I allowed you to disobey His
law, a law superior to any human law."

"But, Father..." Adriano dared.

"But, nothing! Please, Adriano... please... Be quiet and listen to me."
Father Gustavo ordered, pressing his fingers  lightly on Adriano lips.
His hand trembled slightly so that his gesture became something halfway
between a silencing gesture and an unintentional caress. But, even
though they were gentle, the man's fingers pressing on the boy's lips
silenced the protest that was rising from Adriano's mouth.

The priest was confused by the breadth of the panorama of everything his
sharp mind was rapidly examining, but it was widening even as he
explored it. The young parson, felt almost drunk and sighed deeply but
he continued, his eyes filled with weakness and pain. "Looking at all
this from a completely different point of view... and being fully
sincere... I know at last the sensation of being embraced by you. Many
of the questions I have pushed back down inside myself, asking myself
what it could be to hold a boy against me are over. Now, I know. I held
you in my arms... and it was all so right, ah, so right..." the man said
with pain, spreading his arms slightly and looking between them
sincerely troubled by what he had just experienced. "Yes... I discovered
it, you know? And no other moment in my life has been so sweet. I would
like to never let you go," he continued almost in a sob, letting his
arms fall at his sides and looking with pain into Adriano's eyes again,
"and I would like to be able to do as the love songs say, or like they
do in the soap operas! You youths are like a glass of water, forever...
Whether it is wrong or right, my boy, this is the absolute truth, I
swear."

The priest was silent for a short while and then continued, "And the
worst part... the worst part is that I can't help it. To me it is now as
if I lived outside of my body and, looking down, saw myself as Samson
with his hair all cut around him, weak, powerless, won. This is how I
feel. I don't feel the slightest bit of strength in me, my boy,  to
fight for your best interest. Not even a little bit, believe me." he
murmured fervently, "I don't even have the strength to take your books
from the dresser, to give them to you, to take your leather jacket and
to slip it on you, and to ask you to go back home, as a person who
really loved you would do."

Trying still to command his desires, the muscular young parson with the
golden skin shook his head sadly and took his breath for a second time,
"I don't even know, can't even tell you if there is the possibility of
looking at other situations like ours, to make comparisons, to be able
to make the right decision. I don't have any knowledge of other people
who share this feeling of love except for you and me. Ah... if it were
only physical desire, we could overcome it -- I won't say it would be
easy, but we could... Anyway..." he almost moaned. Then took another
breath, "Do you see? There is a big difference between us. I don't think
that I have ever had, in my entire life, the courage you showed today,
Adriano. Because, except for one person, and in confession, I have never
allowed anyone else to know this about me. It's not that I didn't want
it. I always knew what was burning inside my heart, in my flesh. I
always knew my innermost desires, what my real nature is. But at the
same time it has always been clear inside me, without the need to let it
always hammer inside my head, that I could not allow myself to let
myself go. I knew that I hadn't lived enough to understand... to be the
voice of wisdom... but I had seen enough to know that you can finally
pay too high a price wanting to be your true self in the face of all
that the world around us demands that we be. Yes, the price can be too
high..."

Thoughtfully, Father Gustavo shrugged his wide shoulders, "Who knows, my
dear boy... possibly this is just my problem." he sighed trembling,
"Perhaps I am too scared now... too scared to be able to accept a gift
so unusual and extraordinary... Maybe I have to decide many more things
before... not to overestimate my strength... And instead... look how...
look how..." Father Gustavo said seizing Adriano's arms and lightly
shaking his body almost with pride, "You are so full of courage and
pride and of sincerity! You come here to me and tell me you are in love
with me! You are strong. You have a real strength inside you. You won't
accept a compromise... And you told me everything in a very convincing
and clear way... you told me that with a kiss... and to the day of my
death I will never forget your kiss, that kiss so full of sincerity and
love..."

A tear shone in the corner of the eye of the beautiful young parson who
continued, his voice breaking with emotion, "But you are so young,
perhaps too young to have any idea of what you are asking me. Of what
you are demanding of me. No, wait, don't shake your head! Do you think
that I'm here in front of you, opening all my heart to you, just to
talk... just to make you listen to me? No, please, try to understand
what I'm really telling you..." the young priest said, silencing again
the boy with a caress on his sweet lips. "Shh! Listen to me. Right now,
let me help you to find a way out of this situation. Let me do the right
thing to keep you safe again, before we both are swallowed by a quagmire
from which we will not be able to escape. Believe me, all I'm feeling
for you here inside is a burning like the most furious fire. My desire
is to lie down with you and hold you against me... and let myself
finally go..." the priest said pressing his hand against his chest. "But
at the same time, I am burning for you, I love you sincerely and all
that I want is only for your good, believe me. Because I feel I really
am in love with you, because for me, your happiness comes before
anything else, because inside me there still is a bit of honesty; listen
to me... Please reconsider everything once more!"

A sob interrupted the flow of heartfelt words. Then Father Gustavo
continued, "Listen, go home, now, please. Let's stop here, now, before
we start to dance to the sweet music we hear inside our hearts and that
fascinates both of us so much. I can't deny it, I hear the same music as
you at this moment. And this music is wonderful. It seems to be even too
real. But don't let yourself be cheated. No, no, even if it is so
overbearing... so overbearingly sweet to our ears... kissing, touching
each other as we did, feeling each other as we felt... I mean, even if
it is so new and great for both of us... sooner or later we will meet
the Conductor who will ask us why we don't have a ticket to travel on
His train. He will throw us off -- and at two different stations. And
then, my beloved friend? Can you understand what I'm trying to tell you,
Adriano? Just look around, and ask what name this music we are feeling
has. That is playing for us! They will give you a lot of names. And I
can assure you, not one of them has an agreeable sound. I have no doubt
that inside you, and inside me, we could call this a sweet friendship...
a warm relationship... or, also, true love... or something like that.
But only you and me!" The young priest said bitterly. "Because the
others, all the other people we know, will name it with other names
whose meaning is only one thing -- wrong... or if you prefer, sin!"
Father Gustavo said with a flat and sincere voice. "So I ask you whether
you really want to let yourself give in to what you are feeling, if you
really want to run this risk... to become a leper..."

Adriano refused to remain silent. "Yes, I am sure!" He said earnestly
and proudly. But then, in spite of the courageous look on his strong
sure face, suddenly he was afraid of being refused forever. The anxious
young man was in love and in despair. He grasped Gustavo's gray shirt
with both hands like a child fearing to fall down. With all his strength
he pressed his lean body against the robust and reassuring granite-like
firmness of his young parson's athletic body. Trying frantically to find
convincing arguments so that Gustavo would allow him to stay, Adriano
brushed his soft cheek against that the young priest's slightly rough
one. He pushed his body against the man and brushed his temple against
the strong neck. He turned to kiss it. Then, rising to kiss his cheek
and absorb the faint smell of aftershave that still lingered after so
many hours, he put his thirsty lips to the man's perfect ear and
whispered to his hero, "I don't want to go away... Don't send me back
home now." And like a novice wanting to learn the movements of a ritual
dance, the tall slender youth awkwardly put both his arms around
Gustavo's neck and, pronouncing each word clearly said, "I don't care.
Do you hear me? I don't care at all!"

"No?" the priest asked, without trying to push away the young
parishioner from his body.

"I don't care what name the others could give to this music, even though
it is so new to me. This music I hear in my ears, that sings inside my
heart, is too beautiful, too sweet for me... each and every note..."
Adriano looked deeply inside Gustavo's eyes, "I just want to dance it,
and I don't want to wait... no more... no... not now... never again. And
then, whatever price there will be to pay, I'll pay it when the time
comes, if this is the only possibility to be with you."

The small radio on the dresser was off. No sound entered the kitchen
other than the low vibration of the refrigerator. But in spite of that,
guiding Gustavo around the kitchen and holding him tight against
himself, Adriano started to dance a sweet slow dance. Awkward steps,
almost comical. "To me, it makes no difference at all, Father. As long
as..." their paces, now synchronous were roaming the kitchen, "As long
as... I can dance with you."

Their dance stopped, changing to a kind of mutual light rocking, but the
enchantment that the boy awakened didn't stop. Then both, almost
unwillingly, parted and sat, one across from the other at the table, in
the same places they had occupied while they ate.

"But... can you explain to me, Father, why people seem to believe that,
if you are young, you don't have anything but sawdust for brains?"
Adriano asked Gustavo after a short silence in which both were trying to
order their thoughts. "You know, just because I am not an old man with
false teeth shining gold as a trinket, doesn't mean that I am so young
that I can't put together the puzzle of life alone. I know the right
place for each piece!"

Curious to hear where the boy wanted to get to, Father Gustavo leaned
against the back of his chair.

"Even if the picture is not the most appealing, I can feel inside me
that this decision I have made is the right one. You know? And I don't
want to struggle any more to crush what I am. 'Love this and love that!
Love thy neighbor, and your father, and your mother... Love your sister
and your brother... love your enemy...'" Adriano recited. "So, the thing
that is the most important in the world is love, right? You also said
it, and repeated it in so many of your beautiful sermons, right?" The
priest nodded. "Good. Therefore... I want to look at this love that I
feel, that I have discovered, that really exists, that is serious, true,
authentic... And I want to live it, enjoy it. To live this love. I have
to, Father!"

Adriano sighed and straightened up his back, but remained seated. "You
know, I could never even try to seriously discuss sex and similar things
with my father. Especially nothing like... like this. Anyway, it won't
make any difference if I talk with him or not. My father never lets us
manage our lives too much too long. He always sticks his nose in
everything we do, even the most trivial things, and he always makes
plans without even telling us... He sets everything so that it goes only
in the way he feels is right. So it's clear that sooner or later he will
figure out that I am a..."

A quiver ran through Adriano's body and he bit his lower lip with his
pearly teeth. Then the beautiful boy leaned his wide shoulders against
the back of the chair, deeply inhaled the scents that wafted through the
kitchen and finally uttered for the first time the only word he knew,
that defined himself, "... a faggot!"

And almost relieved by that further step, even though it was so small
and trifling, of putting a label on himself, he smiled shyly. Inside
himself he felt an agreeable warmth that made him recall the sweet taste
of his first and only kiss only a little while before.

He abandoned this pleasurable thought and continued, "Maybe I'm crazy,
but at this moment I am not afraid of anything... anyway, I am not
afraid of how my father will take it or of what he will say... because,
with you, at least one thing I desired has happened... I know now that
it is even better than I had dreamed it would be." The boy with amber
colored skin, thoughtfully passed his fingertips over his lips in
silence. "No... it still seems incredible, you know?" he murmured, his
eyes shining with an intense light. "But here the problems start,
right?" Adriano added, afraid that the man he adored would take him for
just a dreaming boy, "I have difficulty believing it. How can people
that know nothing of it, understand?"

Adriano's beautiful lips stretched and bent in a kind of scornful smile,
"All my life my father only preached, 'Boy, your duty is clear and
simple. Just this: listen to me and obey me!'" the boy said mimicking
his father's pompous way of talking. "And I tried with all my might,
Father! But now... That's it! Now... what does he know about me? He
never knew me! He will never know me! To him I, Adriano, don't exist. To
him I'm just a puppet, but... Pinocchio also became a real person when
he stopped lying to please Geppetto... Well, even though the story is
somewhat different. My father knows nothing of me, nothing about me, not
even the simplest things. He doesn't know what books I like, he only
knows those he chooses for me. For months I've tried to make him see,
understand, that to me his life, what he wants from me, doesn't appeal
to me. I don't like it. I don't want to take his place... I don't want
to marry a good girl and cheat on her looking in secret for relief with
a man in a park, in the dark... I tried to make him understand in every
possible way, telling him some of these things clearly and frankly,
though others... like this one, no... But does he listen to me? No,
never! He just continues to push me along the way he has decided for me,
as if I had never said a single word. Dad, I don't like accounting, I
don't like insurance... 'Because you don't know them! You will like
them, Adriano, you certainly will!' End of speech! And to his friends...
'Adriano will take my place, he is studying for that...' He is so proud,
assured, happy... No, my father will never allow me to have my own life
if I don't take it in my hands. So, that's what I will do from now on.
Even if it will be like an atomic bomb on the Crespi house. I'm afraid
my father will have to resign himself to writing me off in the column of
the financial loss!"

Adriano shook his head, almost unbelieving, but certain that his father
really was as he had described him.

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CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 5

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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at
andrej@andrejkoymasky.com

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