Date: Wed, 23 Aug 2006 09:54:38 +0200
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: "The Choice" 06/15 (Adult Youth)

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THE CHOICE
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2006
written on November 12th 1996
translated by the author
English text kindly revised
by Khasidi

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USUAL DISCLAIMER

"THE CHOICE" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes
of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and
so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this
story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you
think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.

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CHAPTER 6 - THOUGHTS

>From behind the steering wheel of his car, Gustavo looked out to be sure
that no passerby was in sight. He also checked the rearview mirror. It
was after eleven P.M. and the street seemed deserted. Nevertheless, he
was nervous about what a possible passerby might think if he saw a young
parson with a boy in a car parked along a dark street -- certainly a
sense of shock. He felt somewhat shy but no longer able to hide his
feelings, he lowered his voice and said warmly, "Come here, little buddy
give me one more kiss before you leave me..."

Adriano and Gustavo slid towards each other on their seats, to the
center of the car, filling the short distance that separated them. Their
hearts pounded inside their chests again, almost as if it were their
first kiss. The young parson and his incredible passenger each bent
towards the other while the bundle of books on the boy's legs slipped to
the floor.

Gustavo gently took Adriano's face between his big hands and bought the
eager mouth of the youth towards his own, with almost the same careful
attention with which a wine taster would use to take a cup of rare and
exquisite wine to his lips. He felt a passionate desire to lay the youth
down on the seat and lie over him. The young priest pressed his mouth
against that of his beloved and savored the lips of the sweet boy,
enjoying the taste of their welcome. He suckled them for some minutes,
intoxicated. He left the taste of love with some hesitation. "Hurry up,
now," he said, his breath deep and fast, "it is better you go home..."

But the dreamy expression in Adriano's eyes told him that the boy wasn't
ready to leave yet. Instead, Adriano leaned back against the seat again
and tipped his head back, half closing his eyes. He licked his lips
thoughtfully, as if he hoped to find a glimmer of the taste of his man.
Then suddenly, overcome by a wave of excitement, the gorgeous boy's eyes
filled with stars. He straightened up and said with enthusiasm,
"Tomorrow... we will spend the whole day together, okay? Yes, I only
have to be at the University at nine for roll call, after that, I can
sneak out. I'll take the trolley and come to your place, right?" he said
filled with exuberant desire. He snapped his fingers and added, "Nobody
will..."

Gustavo interrupted him, shaking his head in strong disapproval, "No, my
boy, I don't want you to do that." But his expression softened to a
smile. He could fully understand the boy's feeling. He took the boy's
chin between his thumb and first finger and added, in a determined tone,
"Listen to me, you will do no such thing. Absolutely not. Not today,
tomorrow or any other day. I don't want you to start not taking things
seriously enough. Not for my sake, anyway. What you made me feel tonight
has been wonderful, I mean it. Really wonderful. Each second of it. But
we don't have a future. Life can't consist of this passion only. To
love... it is something we have to try to do as best as we can, in
whatever way we can, because it is love what allows us to grow. But
love, even though it can be strong, has to help us to build our two
lives, not ruin them."

The suddenly hard sad tone in the voice of the young parson upset the
young boy. But the hint of a smile in the athletic man's eyes softened
even more when he read confusion and pain in the boy's clear eyes.
Gustavo sighed, "We can't play with things like these, and with things
that we were not supposed to even think..." he added sadly.

This time Adriano shuddered.

The handsome young priest gave a friendly squeeze to the thigh of the
youth sitting next to him, "Only God knows, my dear young man, only God
knows how much I would like to leave everything and do what my heart
urges me to do. Start the engine and run away with you, leaving behind
us everything and everybody... Without even looking at traffic lights or
stops signs. You and me, alone, far away... free... Just push the
accelerator pedal and go, go, go... Just go. That's funny... I always
wanted to see how fast this jalopy would..." Gustavo said with sad
humor.

The young man's true mood was revealed as he let himself sink into his
seat, relaxing, letting himself go, almost as if the weight of life, of
duty, of the conventions, had tired him out. He gave free rein to his
fantasies.

"Just you and me, alone, my love. Nobody else but us. Going to some land
where nobody cares about us or asks who we are or what we do, where we
come from or where we are going. People who would not be scandalized if
we kiss in broad daylight like any loving couple... Some place far away
from here, where nobody could ever find us. Oh yes, Adriano, I would
like to flee away to a place like that. The problem is..." The young
parson said, while the light that for a moment had brightened his face
died away. "The problem is that for people like us... I don't believe
there exists such a place. It seems too much like Heaven on Earth to
exist. But, I can't deny what I feel. And anyway, even if I did deny it,
you would read it in my face... in my eyes... in the trembling of my
hands... It would be clear as day, after what has happened between
us..." Gustavo sighed and smiled sadly. Then he continued, "But I can't
allow you to start playing with your responsibilities, just as I can't
forget mine. To talk about love is one thing, but... to live it is
another. How can I encourage you to play hooky with your university
classes, if I care about your future? Oh no, don't worry, you can bet
all your savings, to the last lira, that I will be home waiting for you
after your last class."

Suddenly a very sweet smile brightened the man's sad eyes "How can I
forget you, after what you gave me tonight, my dear, dearest boy? How
could I give you up? Do you think I should? Well, I don't have that much
strength. No matter how I tried. I did have this strength, for ten
years... but that was before meeting you, before meeting a true love,
this true love you are giving me. Yes, I know, I am supposed to...
but... no, I love you too much, and I need your love too much!"

Suddenly not caring about any danger, or any caution, he seized the boy
around the back of his neck and pulled him to himself. Again he kissed
him fully on his mouth, "But now you must go," he ordered gently,
pulling his lips back from those of the boy he loved...

Adriano got out of the old car. They were about a block from his house
and it was about eleven thirty. The long legged, handsome youth, who, in
just these few hours had become a romantic, felt incredibly vital but in
a daze. He felt both elated and angry at the night's revelations as he
ran towards his house without even noticing the cutting wind that swept
the street. The boy's head was too filled with naive images of endless
tomorrows to take heed of the hissing winter wind in his ears. He ran
from the car to the front door of the house where he lived while the
young parson watched him to assure himself that he was safe.

Adriano stopped for a moment to find the key in his pocket. Then, while
he was opening the door, he turned and waved enthusiastically to his
lover...

Inside, hearing the key at the door, Adriano's mother went to meet him
in the entry, exactly as he was entering.

Adriano addressed her cautiously, "Hi, Mum," He glanced quickly to gauge
his mother's expression, instinctively trying to find any sign of
problems that might be developing, but he offered no reason for his late
return.

"Well, the lord returns!" she said with dry irony, "I was just asking
myself what time you would decide to let us see your face again." She
crossed her arms and knitted her eyebrows in her typical gesture, and
added, "You know you have school tomorrow morning don't you?" Without
missing a beat, she moved first right, then left, forestalling her son's
attempts to go to his room and avoid the confrontation. Then she asked,
"So, Adriano, may I know what was so seriously important that it kept
you out until this hour of the night?"

Adriano wavered and felt guilty for a moment. Then he forged the lie he
felt he had to tell to his mother, the first in many years. He felt a
shock in his chest and his heart hammered heavily. He became nervous. He
felt sure that his mother would be able to notice him jittering, even
through his thick winter clothes. He made an effort, anyway, to give a
convincing answer, "Our professor told us we had to do research on a
subject, and we have very little time. So this evening I had to stay
downtown to go to the City Library..."

"Adriano! The City Library doesn't stay open this late! They close at
seven thirty," Clara retorted, squinting her eyes.

"Sure, I know that..." Adriano answered, becoming even more nervous.
Going on the defensive, he began to feel afraid. He asked himself
whether his expression was betraying him or not. But, at the same time,
he was reassured by the sense of his own love. His heart made him feel
stronger than his mother. All he had to do was to keep his precious
secret safe, whatever the cost.

The need to fight against any attempt to bind him again to a life that
was not his own, shot adrenaline through Adriano's body. The fact that
he was lying in order to shield his newborn love anesthetized his
protesting conscience so that it would accept the telling of any
falsehood, so long as it was uttered to protect this new direction in
which his life was going, in which he wanted it to go.

Without remorse, without the faintest shame, he was ready to brazenly
lie. So a new set of explanations, of useful lies, arose in his mind,
they were ready at his lips, "Sure, but, as I was saying, I went to the
Library with a classmate and afterwards I went to his home to organize
all the material. I had dinner with his family."

"A friend? But this late?" his mother asked frowning, "You know, first
of all, it is not right to stay at other people's home so late, and
second, you have to wake up early, tomorrow morning! What are you
thinking of? Goodness! If your father knew you came back so late... you
know that don't you? If Dad..."

"Yes, Mum, yes... But you know how seldom the trolleys run this late.
You know how it is..." Adriano interrupted her. "And Dad always comes
home late on Wednesdays, so I didn't worry too much. Anyway, I'm
nineteen, almost twenty... and it is not really too late. I mean, it's
not midnight... Anyway..." he added with a guilty smile, "it would be
better if I went to bed now, okay?"

"Okay, before your father comes and sees you still dressed..."

"By the way, we still have a lot of work, of research to do," Adriano
added, using the useful lie he had invented, so that he could grant
himself more nights out, "so tomorrow night I will also need to go to
his place. It's all right, isn't it? I mean, I'm not going to go
wandering around. It's not to amuse myself. It's for school. Anyway,
even if I do stay up late, I'll still have enough time to sleep.
Besides, it is not every night..."

Adriano had grown up these past few hours, and he told himself that he
didn't have to beg like an adolescent. He was aware that his story was
too vague to be swallowed by such an acute person as his mother, so he
was prepared to face more questions from her and possibly even a denial.

Clara was thinking that, downtown, at night, it was too dangerous for
her son, because of the immigrants, hooligans, drug addicts... "Let's
hope for the best..." she murmured worriedly. Then, a new disturbing
thought flashed across her mind, something that would push her to decide
against letting him stay out. But it was difficult to focus her
attention on it, she was tired after a full day of work and unable to
concentrate so she let it go. "But you have to promise me that you'll be
home before eleven 'o clock, tomorrow night, understood?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Adriano answered trying to hide his great happiness for
that concession. He gave her a light kiss on her cheek.

Clara's curiosity was still on the alert because of Adriano's vague
explanation of his whereabouts these past few hours. But she knew that
her son never lied to her and she decided that it was not necessary to
investigate. She would not interrogate him, and she decided she could
believe him. Then she had another thought, and a logical one -- she
asked herself if instead he hadn't spent the evening with a girl... but
she shook her head. She had never noticed Adriano necking or running
after any girls at the parish or in the neighborhood, and he never
talked about the girls who were friends of his at school in that way.

Still thinking, Clara went to the living room and looked at the corridor
that lead to the bedrooms, "Bah!" she said, "Good Lord, he is growing up
so fast!" she thought. A veil of sadness dimmed her eyes when she
recalled that just a few years before, her boy would have told her all
the details of what he did in the evening away from home, far from
her... Now, on the contrary, her two older sons, were at last separating
from her, becoming distant. At home they were talking less and less
about their lives... Without any reason, she looked at the small bronze
gondola she had bought in Venice when she had been there on her
honeymoon. "My God, how time does fly away! How everything is changing!"
she told herself in a mild amazement. Then, thinking how her two elder
sons were transforming more and more into men, she added inside herself
, "And how they are changing!"

Adriano returned to get a glass of water. He was wearing his pajamas.
With a sigh, the tall thin woman followed him into the kitchen, "Sit
down, I'll fix you something..."

"Mum! I already had dinner..." the boy answered somewhat surprised. He
asked himself whether his mother wasn't just checking his story.

"Oh, yes, you told me... But you know, to me, not having you here to eat
with us... it's almost as if you didn't eat."

Adriano kissed his mother good night and went back to his room, feeling
happy to have smoothed the way for his next encounter with Father
Gustavo. Careful not to make any noise and wake Diego, he prepared his
books for the next day. He was feeling happy as he switched off the
light and silently slipped under his blanket. He heard his brother
tossing and turning in his bed which was parallel to his own and
separated only by their night stands. His brother moaned incoherent
sounds in his deep sleep. Adriano, lost in his reverie, became detached
from all that surrounded him, almost as far away as his little brother,
asleep in the bed beside his. He wrapped his body more tightly in his
blanket so as to feel the warmth better, but... it was so different from
the heat of his Gustavo...

He was reliving all the moments that had followed his first, real, kiss
just a few hours before. He felt again the heat of Gustavo's body
against his own and the heat in his cheeks increased when he recalled
Gustavo's strong body lying on top of him, and the man's big strong
spear of flesh demanding entrance into his body... and how he was eager
and impatient to feel it as it at last deflower him, strong and firm...

And then he felt the intense, sharp pain -- he could still feel it now,
but only as a dull ache -- when finally his man had stormed his fortress
and, with fought gentleness, had affirmed his lordship. Oh yes, he would
willingly have undergone that piercing pain again and again just to be
able to again enjoy all the pleasure that had followed, pleasure, not
only physical, but also from the true deep union of his soul and that of
the man whom he had discovered himself to be in love with. He asked
himself, amazed with disbelief, how he could have remained so unaware of
his love for Gustavo until that first kiss. He in love with Gustavo...
since always, for six years at least... It was now so clear, so
obvious... And then, he finally had had the grace to welcome his man
into himself, and it had been so wonderful...

At that thought, the beautiful boy's member stood up again, swollen and
powerful, quivering and vibrating like a tuning fork. He had been
introduced to physical love by the one man he loved! And that man loved
him! He was loved by the most beautiful, the strongest, the most
desirable man in this world! By HIS man! Adriano no longer felt he was a
big naive boy; he was now a man, a man able to give and to receive love.

He recalled, with feverish delight, how he had lain firmly, tightly,
securely united with Gustavo, while the man's big, hot, strong hand slid
with gentle determination tightly along his member, leading him towards
paradise. For, surely, no hand could be better than that of his beloved!
Certainly not his own hand.

In his mind the youth continued to savor the sweet memories of the time
he had spent with his man in his bed. The two were united by an intimacy
that, he was sure, only two males were able to share. And the bed
springs had been singing while he had rocked, back and forth between his
own hard member and that of his Gustavo. He still cherished those
double, indescribable, sensations, and then the incredibly intense
explosion of his own pleasure. Soon after that moment he had received in
the depths of his body, the hot sacred chrism of his man who, with that
solemn and sublime gift, had consecrated Adriano as his own. And then,
among the kisses they had again exchanged later, he had heard for the
second time these wonderful words, "Nobody else shall ever kiss these
lips of yours, Adriano, nobody else but me. Never. Yes, I mean it,
nobody, never. Remember it. Because you are mine!"

Moving under his blanket, he started to caress his swollen penis through
his pajamas, he didn't need to masturbate. He lifted his pelvis to free
it from his pajama bottoms and to feel its agreeable heat against the
palm of his hand. That small movement made him feel again the ache
lingering between the cheeks of his butt, in the deepest part of his
tight valley. He now felt that it had been right that he had been made
to suffer in his surrender, because this only had made it possible for
him to afterwards receive such intense emotions, such intense pleasure.
And now all that remained in his body was only that pulsing, silent
sensation. But the best and most beautiful parts were now enshrined
inside his heart.

His hands were gently roaming over his body just as Gustavo's hands had
done, and like the man's had, his fingertips with strong gentleness
brushed his nipples... Oh, how much would he have liked to have Gustavo
here now, in his bed with him! He would have begged him to take him
again, to make him feel again that he was his boy, all and completely
his...

Adriano was again ablaze, his mind filled with sensual memories. He
embraced his feather pillow tightly, imagining that its heat was the
heat of his man... Oh God, how much he desired him! It was so painful
not to be able to be near him! Would they ever be able to live together?
No, possibly not. How would they justify such a thing? His Gustavo was a
priest... People would whisper, suspect, gossip... Adriano's heart felt
sad. But then the thought that he would meet him tomorrow -- no, not
tomorrow, today! he corrected himself. It was almost one A.M. -- made
his young heart somersault in his chest for joy. He felt a strong desire
to touch himself some more, to masturbate so as to find relief from his
tension, but then he decided he should not. He wanted to be ready for
his man, for their encounter tomorrow. So, even though it was difficult,
he valiantly held back and controlled himself.

He whispered to himself the name of his man - "Gustavo, Gustavo,
Gustavo" like a song, an invocation, a prayer, a litany, a spell. And he
gently slipped into sleep.

At one a.m., Father Gustavo was still awake in his bed. He was searching
in the smell of his quilt for traces of the perfume of the body to which
he had made love... Had they sinned against God? The teaching of the
Church on this point was clear. But it was so difficult! He could not
admit that the teaching was correct. It was impossible. No! Without the
slightest doubt, their union had been an exchange of love. Full, true,
sincere, total love, expressed with all the means, the only means, that
nature had provided them... How could the love they had lived in these
few hours be a sin? The young parson turned and tossed on his bed,
pondering that. When his mind, inspired by his soul, told him that what
they had done had been a sacred deed, a sacrament, he ceased to fear
that he was having a wrong, heretic, or sacrilegious thought. "And two
will became one, what God has united let no man part."... "These words
are for me, too," He thought, "For me and Adriano. They are valid for
us, too. Whether the official Church, the Pope, the orthodox theologians
understand it or not, whether they admit it or not!

But it was certain that, on the level of the Canon Law, he had failed.
He had failed in his vow of chastity and that was a wrong deed. But...
but he did not repent this sin so he could not even ask for forgiveness.
Because the young theologian understood this, he faced an important
choice. He had to think through what had happened. He had to behave and
act with honesty.

When he had said to the boy -- and repeated it to him later -- that he
didn't want anybody else to kiss his lips, he had been deadly serious.
He meant each word of it. The two of them were now united, and united
forever. They had entrusted themselves to one another and totally,
completely. Yes, it was true, they had celebrated their sacrament of
union. It had been a real marriage in front of God, whether others
understood it or not. And this was completely different from what had
happened ten years before. It was intrinsically, essentially, basically
different. He could have, should have, repented that earlier act and so
he would have been right to have asked God's forgiveness. But not for
what he had lived just a few hours earlier.

During the morning Mass, he would offer his love to God and put their
union under His protection. It would also be a thanksgiving Mass,
because he had finally found his completeness, his happiness...

He regretted having inflicted pain on his boy, even if it had been quick
and unavoidable, even though, later, he had made it up to him by giving
him the pleasure and the joy that Gustavo had felt exploding in Adriano.
If he had had the right lube, if he had only known how to... But he had
not been at all prepared for such an event... he asked himself with some
amazement how it was that, his first time with Daniele, they hadn't felt
such pain but only pleasure... possibly for Daniele it had not been the
first time, and possibly his friend's member had been lot more smaller
than his own was now that he was an adult... Also, even though he was
not exactly like his boy, Gustavo was also somewhat inexperienced. He
would have to discover everything slowly... They would discover it
together, he and his beloved Adriano...

Together! Such a sweet word. His beloved Adriano! Such a sweet phrase!
"My Lord, I didn't know that in this world so much happiness could
exist... Thank You, Lord!" he offered up his short prayer from the
depths of his heart.

Yes, he had to make a decision, for himself and for Adriano. But not now
-- now, he wanted just to completely enjoy this unexpected happiness
that was wrapping him like a cocoon, rocking him with loving arms,
making him feel fully a man.

Like Adriano, the young priest was thinking back over the hour they had
spent together. He was reliving everything they had done... In the
smallest details, as vividly as if he were seeing them in a movie. The
surprise of the kiss and then the explosion of his understanding. The
sweetness of that young body quivering and vibrating against his own,
vibrating for him. The reciprocal discovery of their love. He, who
talked so often and so naturally, so assuredly, he who talked, preached,
expounded about love, he had only now discovered its key. A love that is
not only spiritual, not just physical, but both at the same time,
indissoluble; or, rather, that they were one and the same thing! Yes,
"The Love." One thing. Whole. Perfectly human love. Just as man also is
a single reality, a soul-body in one single and wholly indivisible
being.

He smiled, pitying himself, thinking how he had tried to refuse this
love, pronouncing the words he had been taught, the words he was
supposed to say, and how, while saying them, he had become aware that
they were empty, false words. He could no longer believe in them. And
yet, inside his heart he thanked God for the years he had spent keeping
himself apart, and far from the physical aspect of love because, thanks
to that separation, he had found Adriano. So those years had not been
lost years, but rather years of preparation, making him able to meet the
real Love.

What was it he loved the most about Adriano? His splendid body full of
passion? His eyes, his smile, his way of thinking and reasoning...
Everything together! That was evident. The mysterious reality of a soul
expressing itself through a body. A body that could fully and really
communicate thanks to the soul... Greek philosophy was guilty of
splitting the soul and the body in two, imagining them as two
antithetically opposed entities... And unhappily the Church had accepted
that division and was still dragging it with her... paying dearly for it
and making her believers pay even more... Saint Paul said "The soul is
strong, but the flesh is weak" Perhaps he too was infected by the error
of Hellenism. Alone, of course both are weak, but united, as they are
and have to be, they are so strong, incredibly strong, and they are made
even stronger by Love.

Yes, for the first time in his life, Father Gustavo felt strong;
because, inside himself, the division between spirit and matter, between
soul and body, had been healed. And all that thanks to the boy who had
come to see him with a fierce pain in his heart, with his sweet wide
eyes filled with mute sorrow, a boy who had dared to discharge his love
in one incredible, blessed, marvelous, necessary, kiss.

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CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 7

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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at
andrej@andrejkoymasky.com

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