Date: Wed, 04 Sep 2002 07:29:48 -0400
From: Tom Cup <tom_cup@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Innocents by Richard Dean - Part 3 Chapter 2  Gay - A/Y

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The Innocents
By Richard Dean
Part 3
Chapter 2
The Party

"No more, Ton, no more.  Twice is enough.  My God, I can't recover as
rapidly as you and just because you say you'll do it all, doesn't get it.  I
need a couple of hours to recover myself, baby.  And don't give me that,
`Awwwww Pae' stuff, it won't work.  I'm on to your sly tricks."

"But Pae, I've waited two long difficult months for this.   You don't want
me to be happy?"

"Ton, do you think I'm insensitive to your feelings?  Of course, I want you
to be happy.  I do everything within my power to see that your happy.  When
have I not done this?"

"You ask total honesty of me, eh?  You want to know when you do not make me
happy?

"Absolutely, Ton, tell me."

"You make me feel unhappy and sad, when you insist I speak to you in English
when we make love."

"What are you talking about, boy?  What about it makes you so sad and not
happy?"

"You are the most intelligent man I've known in my entire life, Pae.  Yet
you insist that when we make love I speak English, that's what makes me
sad."

"You must have known very few men, if you think I'm the most intelligent."

"I'm speaking seriously, and you make jokes.  Why Pae?"

I sighed, "Perhaps its because I may be on the defensive.  I'm not
comfortable when I need to make defensive statements."

In disgust, Toninho replied, "I am not confrontational and I don't expect a
defensive argument from you.  I speak truthfully.  English is a good
language, but in matters of love it's rude, crude and ugly.  It has no soul,
no romance; it rips the heart.  "Suck my cock", "prick", "cunt", "cum",
"ass".  I cringe when I hear them or say them.  They are abrupt, hard,
sharp, and guttural.  They have no tenderness.  Portuguese is a language of
love.  It's one of the Romance Languages.  The words of love are smooth,
soothing, they have sounds of being caressed, stroked.  They are expressions
of the heart and soul.  Don't you see, Pae?  I'm not arguing with you.  I
love and honor you.  When we make love it is gentle yet thrilling.  Our
ejaculations are a testament of our sharing and caring.  The word "suck"
sounds like it belongs to a vacuum cleaner.  It doesn't evoke the
ministrations of my wet skin to yours, as in Portuguese.  Don't you
understand, Pae?  You ask the truth of me.  I speak the truth to you.  There
is no shame in me for what we do to and with each other.  In English it
makes me feel dirty, unclean, unworthy, unromantic.  I have no other way to
explain this to you, Pae.  If you insist, I will do it because you ask it of
me.  It will not alter the fact, that I will be sad, and unhappy, while
doing it.  Because you are my father, I shall do as you require and insist.
In Portuguese it's like a gentle murmur, a sweet response, a poem.  I'll say
no more on this subject."

I wept openly and unabashedly.  My son, Toninho, my lover, my man, had
taught me something I should have known or even had thought about before.
He was absolutely correct.  His expressions about swear words were truly
Germanic, guttural explosions of short, harsh words.  There is no beauty in
them.  I have much to learn from my Toninho, my partner, now my teacher.  I
must listen to what he has to say.

Seeing me weep, Toninho thought he had injured me deeply with his words. He
threw himself on me, and said, "Pae, I didn't mean to hurt you.  Forgive me,
Pae.  I'll speak English if that's what you want.  I won't stand up to you
any longer.  Please Pae, please forgive me.  Beat me, hit me, and thrash me.
  I deserve it."

"Shhhh, my son, I'm not crying because you've hurt me.  I'm crying because
I've failed to listen to you.  You were spot on correct about my language
when it comes to expressions of romance, lovemaking.  There is no respect
for the other, when those specific words are used.  I love you more today,
than I did yesterday.  Tomorrow I'll love you more, than I have today.  I'm
nothing without you, Ton.  You haven't failed me, Ton.  I've failed you in
not admitting you are now an adult."

We lay on the bed holding and kissing each other for the longest time.  It
was comfortable and soothing.  "Okay Mr. Adult, its time we go downstairs
and see your Gran."

"Does that mean I can drive "Herbie"?"

"As if you haven't, Ton.  As if you haven't."

"Um, er, um, we were going to tell you, Pae.  We never found the right
moment."

"This has been the right moment.  I don't ever want to know how long you've
been driving "Herbie" Ton.  I want you to whisper this to Paulo too, OK?"

With an embarrassed smile, Toninho asked, "You knew?  How long have you
known?"

"You ask that of the most intelligent man you've ever known, Ton?" I replied
smiling as widely as I could permit myself.  I turned to walk out of the
room, when I felt him suddenly jump on my back with his legs wrapped around
my waist.  He issued kisses on my neck, ears and side of my face.  I carried
him as far as I could to the stairway.  I made him release me, so I could
make a grand entrance to greet Miss Flavia and relieve her of her long held
duties.  This turned out to be one of the happiest days of my life.  I felt
fulfilled because Ton had truly become my full partner. He was a man.

************

After an ebullient greeting and subsequent conversation of events past and
those of the near future, I glanced over to see Toninho sidle up to Paulo.
He whispered something in Paulo's ear.  I saw Paulo's shoulders slump.
Paulo turned to look at me, and in his most inimitable manner shrugged his
shoulders as if to say, "How could I refuse him?"  I nodded my head as if to
answer, "I know, I understand completely."  Paulo cuffed Toninho on the back
of his head as only friends will do, and with an arm attached to his
shoulder they walked out of the room.  My God, they're handsome.  What are
they doing with the likes of me?

We gathered around the dining room table and had a long discussion and
discourse on events of the future.  I laid out my presentation of the plans
I thought might be useful for our newly acquired building.  At that time, I
presented to my family my thoughts about Beto Perreira being the most
eligible selection to be Director of the facility.  Paulo and Toninho looked
to each other and gave one of those victorious high five signs.  When will
it come to pass that he will want to be called Toninho no longer, but
Antonio?

It was decided that in the morning I would contact some lawyers and have
them check all of the Federal, State and Municipal regulations in order to
design the rules and bylaws of a Charitable Organization.  It was necessary
to implement a search for a Board of Directors.  Two of the members must be
executives of the Halliburton Companies and Petrobras, respectively.  It
would serve to cement a duo responsibility to these companies of renown.  I
also felt doing so would perhaps keep uncooperative politicians off our
backs, during our initial build-up phase.  Petrobras is the largest employer
in Brasil, other than the Federal government, therefore opposition would not
be taken lightly.

When the topic of the name of our organization came up, Miss Flavia stated
the name would be: Our Brothers Keepers.  None of us gave an opposing
thought.  So it was the story of Cain and Abel, that violent tale of one
brother striking down another, that was beneficent in the birth of our
organizational name.  It seemed apt.

When dinner was ready I found out that we had employed a cook and a
houseman, who assisted in the serving.  Due to the largesse of our friend
Elena, this was the result.  It freed Miss Flavia of those chores of which
she now had so little time.  On occasion to please Toninho, Paulo and
myself, she would prepare some of her specialty dinners of which we had
become so fond.  During these past few months while I was at work, Toninho
had eased up on his schedule of studying and preparing for his A level
exams.  Paulo was still working at the cafe and once his shift was over,
returned home and went immediately to work for the cause.  All of the family
had sacrificed in order to make the dream become a reality.  Had it not been
for Toninho, none of it would have become a dream.

The following morning I had tasked myself to select some lawyers, while the
family was showing the moving men -- who had arrived in a large van -- which
articles they wanted moved to our new facility.  Paulo would meet with the
telephone installers so they could install a switchboard and various
telephones situated on his site map.  I prayed all would be completed and
done by the time I arrived back home.  Paulo would use "Herbie" and Toninho
would drive me about the city in the Cadillac.  Paulo confessed he had
Toninho take the requisite drivers test, and was allowed to use a temporary
license as long as he had an adult driver with him at all times.  As I was
an adult driver, but never would I drive in Brazil, as I wimped out at the
thought of such, Toninho could not have been happier.  It turned out,
Toninho, WAS a good driver, but I reminded him as most back seat drivers do,
to watch out for the signal, that truck over there, look out for those
people.  Toninho, I would scream at times.  He would then curse me in
language I had not heard in years.  "Shut the fuck up, if you don't, take a
god damned fucking taxi or fucking walk.  I don't give a fuck." I deserved
it. I grudgingly became silent, but know I must have left imprints in the
floorboard as I utilized my invisible brakes at every opportunity.

I ended up in acquiring the use of two of Petrobras' lawyers from the Legal
Department who were knowledgeable of Federal and State laws.  Municipal laws
would not affect the Charitable Bylaws.  Again, Petrobras, gave us full
cooperation and never presented me a billing for the use of their lawyers.
God bless Petrobras.  By the time my driver, Ton, delivered me back home in
the afternoon, the house had been cleared of all and sundry items that had
cluttered the house from stem to stern.  The yardman was repairing some bit
of damage done to the plantings; a cleaning service had come into the home
and scoured it from top to bottom.  I was pleased beyond all words.  Thank
you and God bless Elena.  At two past noon, two decorators appeared with a
crew of men, who started making arrangements, winding a long wreath on the
staircase railing, and setting up two Christmas trees.  I retrieved the
Christmas presents I had secretly stashed from my hiding place. As I picked
up the last one, I noticed more wrapped gifts remaining. They were from
Paulo.  Have I no secrets from him?

I had invited approximately 30 people whom I knew in the association of my
work, special acquaintances from the cafe.  Paulo had returned home from
work early in order to prepare for the celebration.  As he went to his room
to shower and shave, I looked for Toninho who was nowhere to be found in the
house.  I found him in the garage, polishing "Herbie", grumbling about
Paulo's lack of care when parking him under a tree.  I made light of it by
suggesting the Partridges in their Pear trees had eaten too much.  His look
of disdain to me elicited no more joking while he was tending to "Herbie's"
injured pride.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you while you were driving.  You're an excellent
driver, I do confess.  I sometimes feel you may not be prepared for those
race drivers out there, who don't seem to look or care which lane they drive
in."

"I know, Pae.  I'm not at all sorry that I told you what I did.  When you
yell at me like that, it distracts me.  That is not safe.  You should be
alert to that.  I know you know better, it's just the way you are.  An old
fuss pot!"

"You've got me there, it's all true.  I can't deny it."

"I love you so much, Pae.  I'm not a little kid, please stop acting like I
am."

"I'll try, Ton.  I'll always worry about you no matter your age.  It's the
way I am."

"Come on, Pae.  It's time we shower and change.  The caterers have just
arrived.  You know what, Pae? I love everything about you, even when you're
a fuss pot."

We walked hand in hand to the house to prepare ourselves for the party.

************

Our guests started to arrive at 7 pm.  Elena and her husband Julio arrived
with the first contingent.  I liked Julio immediately after Elena introduced
him to me.  Toninho had met him previously.  They got along well too.
Julio, I noted, treated Toninho as one would an adult.  It was difficult for
me to remember that he was an adult.  In many ways, I saw Toninho as I had
first seen him the day when he arrived scruffy, soiled and somewhat
tentative.  Tonight he was a gracious host.  The houseman accepted the
ladies wraps and the gentlemen's coats if they wore them.  Toninho would
escort them into the living room and up to the bar the caterers had set up,
make introductions if they knew few of the others and would attend to the
newly arrived guests.  Miss Flavia and I commented on how easily Toninho had
transformed himself into a young gentleman, at ease in his surroundings.  It
reminded me of how he had addressed the group of arrivals to my welcoming
back party in Fortaleza.  Paulo had a large hand in the transformation of
this young gentleman.  Toninho watched and mimicked Paulo's ease and
affability with other people.

"God has been good to us, Miss Flavia, we are surrounded by people whom we
love." Saying thus I picked up her hand and kissed her palm.  I noted her
hand was shaking. Alarmed I asked, "Are you ill?  Would you like to sit
down?"

"Perhaps I should, Ricardo.  I'm tired, even after the long nap I had this
afternoon."

I found a chair for her and she settled into it with her stalwart bravado.
Our guests came up to her and made many social comments about her and the
pleasure they gained from meeting her.  She had aroused the consciousness of
a gentle city about which so many people knew little.  She had organized a
cadre of people whom she led on the original March of Silence, which became
recognized throughout the country.  Many similar marches were held in
distant cities because of the compassion and genuine love of mankind this
gentle lady, our Duchess Flavia Carpazetti d'Souza, would share.  The party
was a success.

Around 9 pm, my Toninho announced to those assembled, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
may I propose a toast?"

Two of the caterers with trays of glasses filled with champagne slipped
through the groupings of guests, so they could retrieve a glass in case they
had not one previously in hand.

"I propose a toast not only to honor my father, Ricardo Dean, without whom I
may well have been a victim of the death squads, but to honor especially our
lady Duchesa Flavia Carpazetti d'Souza, my avo, without whom I would have no
life at all; for her generosity, compassion, and compelling spirit to
advance the cause of mankind, I wish to make this salute of appreciation and
deep affection.  Join me in raising this glass to these special people in
our lives.  Salute."

The entire group of guests as well as Paulo and myself raised our glasses
and responded with, "Salute!"  Regal in bearing and stature our lady
remained seated and acknowledged the salute by nodding to each of us while
looking directly into our eyes.  She could not speak.  When her eyes reached
those of Toninho's she motioned to come to her.  He walked to her in
deference and knelt before her.  She touched his cheek and bent forward and
kissed him saying, "My neto, my gallant, brave neto.  You're a vision to my
eyes.  You stand tall in my eyes.  God bless you, my Antonio."

We burst in applause, being witness to a display of genuine affection seldom
seen in a public setting.  She called Elena over to her side and bade her
attend to her withdraw from the celebration and assist her to her bed.

The remainder of the evening I noticed Toninho walking to each of the guests
either singly or with their partners and talked lowly with them.  I saw they
shake hands and kiss each other on both cheeks before in the manner of the
brasileiros.  Much food and drink was consumed, but it seemed well worth it.
  It was a good Christmas Eve party.  I was pleased that all had gone so
well.  Elena and Julio were the last to leave.  We would attend many parties
and get-togethers in the future.  They would become close and fast friends.
I was grateful for their alliance and disposition to our family.  As the
caterers cleaned up and gathered their equipment, we went slowly up the
stairs as one group of three.  It was Christmas day.

************

We awakened to a gray, cloudy, dismal day. However our spirits were not
dampened by the weather, as we were certain the sun would shine once again
on our beautiful Rio de Janeiro.  The sun would not shine nor would the
imprint of our existence be seen on the earth that day. We would mourn. God
had called our Duchesa Flavia Carpazetti d'Souza to stand with the angels.
As the hosts of heaven looked down upon we mere mortals, our task seemed
nearly impossible to attain, without the assistance of our dearest Lady, our
grief unbearable.

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