Date: Mon, 08 Oct 2001 09:31:07 +0000
From: Darren Talbot <davidtalbot50@hotmail.com>
Subject: gay male/ adult youth/ the library chapter thirteen

The Library
chapter 13

*all cautions regarding the legality of this story and the fictionality of
it's content are applicable.

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I sat down hard on the couch. The mugs of tea still steaming on the table,
my hand was filled with a scotch glass. The amber liquid moving violently
with my sudden motion.

What was I doing? My hand on my forehead, rubbing. Sip. I loved Josh, and
there was no question of that in my mind. But his father had violated his
boundaries in a such a horrible way. Had used him for money and for sexual
gratification. And sure, I wasn't doing that, but I was violating those
boundaries. And still, that ages old war in my head: to be gay, that's one
thing, but this? This is quite another.

Sip.

I looked from the couch to the bedroom, where I could just see the blanket
outlining his foot. He was finally sleeping deeply. I wondered what his bed
at home looked like. What his home looked like. How he slept after his
father did those things to him. Sip. I set the glass down hard. I stood up
and went to the bedroom, closing the door. Then to the stand where the
telephone was. I picked up the telephone and the phonebook,  already
flipping pages.

Taylor, Rigman. There was the phone number and address. They told me that
there was a computer program out that could give you driving instructions
and a map of how to get to an address if you punched it in. I didn't have a
computer, though. Had never owned one. When I had bought a laptop, it
disappeared from the car. Ron said he'd been mugged, but I knew what had
happened.

I went to the telephone stand and got the Post-It note pad. I wrote the
name, the address and the telephone number. My watch reported there was
still some time. My mind began to try to picture Christopher. He would
obviously be a very handsome boy, like his brother. Probably just as
withdrawn and quiet. Shy. I wondered if the father had touched them both,
and Josh just didn't know it, yet.

When the telephone rang, I jumped. I walked back over to the phone, tearing
off the sheet and attaching it to the wall near the table. Picking up the
phone, "Hello?"

"Hi."

I froze. Ron.

"Look, please don't hang up, okay?" Came the voice.

I didn't.

"I've missed you. God, I've missed you so bad." It said.

I didn't.

"Please say something."

"Like what?" I asked, closing my eyes. Knowing he'd already won: we were
talking.

"You been drinking. I can tell. Scotch, I know." He said.

I sat down hard, again. He knew. He always knew.

"What's a matter?" He asked.

I wouldn't tell him. I wouldn't tell him. I wouldn't..."Helping out a friend
in trouble." Shit.

"Still a raging codependant, huh?" He asked and laughed a little under his
breath.

I was furious that he would say that, after all I did for him. I wanted to
hang up. I didn't.

"What do you want, Ron." was all the dignity that I could manage. A
statement, not a question.

"To see you. I'm here in town and I want to come by."

The world went on pause, just then. Complete slow motion. I remembered his
tight body against me. Sunday mornings, waking up and cuddling, watching it
rain outside the window. Watching him sleep. The one time he tried to fix me
breakfast and failed horribly. We laughed. Those had been the early days.
Before.

"Come on, Daniel." He said. Hearing him say my name was flashes of him, in
my ear talking dirty. Saying things that were so horrible and dripping with
evil, but fascinating to my mind, and explosive to my cock. I was already
rock hard.

"N...No." Was all I could manage. Sip.

"Daniel. You know you miss me." Him over my hips, pumping away. His eyes
closed, his head tilted up as though he were listening to god and fucking
his word into me again and again and again. The sound of the mattress being
pounded into oblivion by his twenty eight inch waist and hips. His tight
chest under my fingertips.

"No." I managed again, and gulped Scotch down. I wanted another glass to
ward him off, but I would be driving and I was already getting a little
sloppy.

"Daniel. I want you." Him straddling my chest, fucking my face while I was
tied up, helpless to stop him from doing whatever he wanted. He was putting
it too deep and I couldn't breathe but that was part of it. I couldn't stop
him. He was killing me, fucking my face. Flash of my face covered in his cum
and him kissing me. Us laughing as we kissed.

That was then. A million million years ago.

"Goodbye, Ron." I said, and he started to say something else as I hit the
power button, then turned the ringer off. I slammed the phone down. My cock
was raging against my fly. All it had taken was remembering that Josh was in
there, in that bed. Thinking about what he'd been through.

And thinking about what I was doing to him, even though I loved him. What I
should do if I really did mean that I loved him. Inhale. Exhale heavy.

I picked up the phone and hit the memory button. Then the number one. I'd
had the phone number. I had always had the phone number. I'd never dialed
it. Somehow, having the power to dial it at any point and not doing it had
convinced me that I wasn't a coward. That I wasn't weak. I had always known
that was  a  lie.

It rang. What would happen? Would he even remember? Ring again. What would I
do if he didn't? Ring again. How would I-

"Hello?" Her voice.

Frozen, I couldn't speak. I hit the power button. I couldn't do it. Not even
for Josh's sake. It was the only thing I could think of, but I couldn't do
it.

The bedroom door opened and Josh came out, hair messed up. As he walked to
the couch, groggy, the answering machine kicked on.

"Umm...hi. I was just called from this number and I have no idea who this
is. If this is an emergency, then I would hope that you call back. But if
you're looking to have a book appraised, you need to call this number," She
said, and when she was done giving it, "Thank you and blessings to you."

Josh sat down hard, laying his head on my lap. I stroked the hair away from
his forehead, my fingers tangling in it's raven feather glistening. His eyes
closed. His mouth, curved.

"Who was that?" Josh asked.

"Nobody, " I said, thinking just how close I'd come to being a hero, to
doing what was right, and then backed away, "Nobody." I repeated. He sighed,
and settled in against me.


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*end chapter thirteen
More to come!

*questions and comments are always welcome!