Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2001 02:40:00 +0000
From: Darren Talbot <davidtalbot50@hotmail.com>
Subject: the library, chapter fourteen

the library
chapter 14

*all cautions regarding the legality of this story in your area and the
fictionality of it's contents are applicable.

____________________________________________

"Hi, you." I said, stroking his hair. His cheek against my lower stomach.
His back against my thigh, his arm over the other one. His little feet
tucked up under the cushion to stay warm.

"Mmmf." He mumbled, pushing his head further into my abdomen for comfort.

"Josh?" I asked.

"Mmmhm?" He mumbled, not opening his eyes. His little eyebrows arching.

"Tell me about Christopher?"

"What do you want to know?" He said, eyes still closed.

"I dunno. I just want to know some things about him before I meet him." I
responded.

Josh sat up on his elbows to look at me, cocking his head to the side, "Ok.
He's the most awesome little kid ever."

I grinned, "I need to know a bit more than that."

He sat up all the way, leaning his shoulder onto me, scrunching himself up
to curl into a ball against me, "He's a little shorter than my chest. He has
black hair and blue eyes, just like me. He tries to spike his hair, but it
always falls so he looks like a wet porcupine." he said, laughing a bit. It
was so wonderful to see.

"Why do you say he's so incredible."

He shrugged, nuzzling his cheek against my chest, "I dunno. He just is.
Like, when he meets people, he isn't afraid of them. Dogs twice his size he
just starts playing with. People like him. They always like him."

"What do you remember most about him?"

He closed his eyes, and smiling, said, "There was this one time when I was
working out in the basement and he came down. He was real little, then. He
saw me working out and wanted to do it, too. So I set up this little tiny
bar that I could prop one five pound weight on and he did bench presses with
it. He was so proud. Now he's up to thirty pounds. Thirty whole pounds. He
spots for me, or did."He stopped suddenly, his smile falling.

"Did?" I asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." He said.

"It might help you if you do."

"Well, I don't."

I looked at my watch, "Okay, well. We really ought to get started moving in
that direction if we're going to pick him up." I stood up and walked over to
the counter, where I'd deposited my keys. Josh was slow getting off the
couch, and halfway to the bedroom, he stopped.

"He was there, one time."

I turned to look at him.

"When dad held me down. He caught me down there working out, and he used the
bar to hold me down. He kept telling Chrissy to go, but Chrissy wouldn't. He
kept begging dad to stop. Just daddy stop, daddy please stop hurting Joshy,
but dad wouldn't. Finally, I told Chrissy to go upstairs...I had to try to
stay calm so that he'd do it. He did go upstairs. I think dad wanted us
both, that time."

I stood there, horrified.

"He beat me and fucked me that night, at the same time." Josh said, then
walked into the bedroom and I could hear him gathering up his things.

The car ride to the school was quiet. I finally stopped wrestling with what
to say, because the words just wouldn't come. I decided to stop trying to
force them. I reached over and grabbed Josh's hand and took it into my own,
just holding it the entire way. After about five minutes, I felt him give my
hand a small squeeze. By the time we reached the school, he was talking,
again. A particular song was one that he liked.

"Isn't it cool? I love it." He asked, as it went off.

I had to admit that it had a good beat. I had found myself tapping my toes
to it. Pulling up into the schoolyard, I started to have that feeling,
though. I kept thinking that all the parents here to gather thier children
up would know. Would see right through me. That any minute now, that scene
from invasion of the body snatchers would replay itself, with me on the run.
The PTA chasing just behind, mouths open, fingers pointing.

I was scanning the group of floppy haired children moving out of the doors
in a continuous wave. I wasn't attracted to them, I was relieved to find. I
had thought that the real horror was on it's way: that I'd find myself
looking at them like the coyote in the cartoons, slavering and fixing a bib
onto my neck.

"Daniel, do you love me?" Josh asked, suddenly.

"Of course I do. Why?" I asked.

"Will you want to fuck Chrissy?" He asked.

I was floored, "Never. Never, Josh. How could you even think...?" I started
asking, but I knew. I knew very goddamn well how he could think such a
thing. He was wondering if he was feeding his little brother, his whole
reason for living, it seemed, to just another molester.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He said, cowering away from me against the door. His
hand up near his face to ward off the blow he was sure was coming.

I touched his arm, then clasped it with my fingers, pulling it away from his
face, "Shh. Shh. It's okay, Josh. I won't hurt you. I'm sorry I got angry.
You just caught me by surprise, is all. Shh." I kept reassuring him. Within
moments, he calmed down, and we were back to scanning the crowd, again.

Then, the doors opened, and a little mop-haired boy came out. Black hair.
Blue eyes. Those striking cheekbones. He looked exactly like a minature
Josh. I didn't even have to ask, the door was open and Josh was already
heading off toward him. Watching out the window, I saw thier facial
expressions on seeing each other. Instantly Josh was alight with a glow, and
Christopher (for this was surely him) went from being somewhat sullen to
smiling and alive.

Josh walked up to him and grabbed him into a hug that picked all four foot
of the boy off the ground. He set Christopher down and then said something,
taking his hand. He pointed with the other one to my car. Christopher seemed
to hesitate for a second, but then Josh leaned in and said something else to
them, and they started walking to the car. Christopher looking so small and
helpless standing next to his brother, who still looked frail to me. I loved
him so dearly at that moment.

I didn't notice that they had stopped walking until the man walking toward
them was already closer than my car. He was a tall man, easily six three.
Dressed in ratty flannel and thick work boots, he advanced on them. At
first, I thought that it might just be another parent going into the
building to collect his tardy youngster. But then, by a trick of angle, I
saw Josh's face. He was quick frozen and terrified.

It was thier father.

I was out of the car and moving within half a second, surprising myself.
However, he was already to them. I could hear his angry voice.

"Both you boys get home and get packin. We're leavin."

"Daddy, no!" Christopher was saying.

Josh saw me approaching and shook his head, his eyes still wide with fear.
Before I even had time to decide what to do, the man whirled around.

"What the hell do you want?" He asked. He was holding Christopher by his
arm, his fingers digging into the boys skin.

"Let the boy go." I said.

"Daniel, no," Josh said, "You'll only make it worse."

The father moved forward, still holding onto the child, "Who the hell are
you?" He asked.

"Let the boy go." I said, knowing that there was no way he didn't sense my
fear.

"Daniel, no." Josh said, and I think that there was more, but his father let
loose with a punch at that point that made the world go blank. I blacked out
completely. As I faded away, all I could think about was that I'd just tried
to be a hero to Josh, again. To do what was right.

And failed.

________________________________________________________

*end chapter 14
More to come!

*Questions and comments welcome!