Date: Sun, 19 May 2002 16:35:23 -0400
From: paul paris <shaksbeer@ureach.com>
Subject: The Message

This story comes from the imagination. It is fiction. It bares no
resemblance to other stories and the names are no one that I know. It is
about the attraction between a man and boys. The sexual side does not show
that I believe in or think that sex between adult males with children is
right. It is part of the world we live in and some of the tales told can
show true love rather than anything else. You have the right to decide.

Being this kind of story it may be illegal in your country to possess or
read such things so do check.

I have the copyright to this and all other stories I write so if you wish
to use it for any reason then please do ask.

It's been a while since the last story. I have been fighting yet again the
cancer I was told was under control. The tale within was written while in
hospital winding away the time. It's not my usual kind but illness does
strange things to the human thought pattern.



				The Message



The time machine did its thing taking me back year after year so that I
might see for myself just how I had grown up. It was the life that was
good. The machine was good and crated when I got to the school I was sent
at the age of eleven.

That was how the final composition started in the English part of my
PhDs. It took me 3 months to complete the tasks I had set for
myself. Slowly I had done things I never thought I could. My results were
building up; they hung in the frames around the room of my small cottage. I
did with some politeness write to the boarding school I was sent to, to
thank them for all the help they gave me. It was not something that I liked
to remember but it had happened so they did a great deal to get me where I
was today.

Places of education were after me. So I did good but I so much wanted
more. I had come to the end of the line but I did have time to think over
the offers while I sat not believing that after such a hellish time at
school I would ever want to have anything to do with school again.

I thing you have the basic beginning of this story. The boarding school was
a fearsome place. The masters were strict and very strange to be around. I
cried for three months even at the age of eleven. The older boys acted like
the masters. When I left I vowed deep within my heart that I never would be
like them no matter what happened.

I had a small field near me and took up running whenever possible to
disperse the sudden tension that the exams had caused. I did after doing
them continue, becoming addicted somehow to the extra exertions that were a
regular part of my adult life.

One morning I decided due to the really bad weather not to run and within a
few minutes of the decision a letter arrived by special delivery. I could
not have run after that because the letter was from the old school
requesting to see me. It took seven times for me to decline but heard
myself calling them to agree to go for the week.

I took a folder with all my certificates just so that I might be able to
say any derogatory remarks about getting the passing grades were through my
own achievements and the school had nothing to do with it. I had made it
clear that the school had a bad effect on me and when I walked through the
gates I never wanted to go back again. Now here I was on the phone agreeing
to go for a visit, and then even agreeing to stay a week to see how the
school had changed. My parents, no longer alive, always said that I was a
very happy child. The mention that I had got away from the school never
came up.

I packed a bag taking all the ammunition I thought I would need. I guess
that you all guessed I was off to war, but I can laugh at it, but the
realistic part was that this was to be the action that would defeat the
enemy I always had.

The drive was long but I made a lot of stops when the panic within me
started to rise. It was 2pm that I came face to face with the sight of the
school. There were new gates at the beginning of the drive and some form of
security that made me think that they were either there to keep people out
of the school or the children in.

My name was enough. I was told where to go. I took out my bags then was
greeted by 2 boys who clearly had the job of ushering me around. I remember
that we all got a chance to talk to strange visitors being that it was a
relief to know someone other that the people who were confined to the
school.

"There is no need for you to do this boys. I am quite capable of finding my
way. You will miss lessons."

The boys looked at each other and the tallest with his face down whispered,

"Sir we are not allowed to converse with strangers unless they are in the
school."

"Pip be quiet. If we get caught then we will loose our rights to watch
football at the weekend."

"So you are Pip and who might the smaller angry young boy be?"

"Oh he is Eric."

"PIP!"

"Pip will you go back to my car? On the back seat is a folder that I have
forgotten. Here are the keys. The green one will open the door."

I stood still watching the boy run for all his worth to get the
folder. Clearly the two boys were dressed to meet guests or
dignitaries. Eric stood like a soldier. My case was heavy. His hand I could
see opening while the weight was too much for him.

"Now then Eric I will take the case. It's new so very heavy. You can take
my shoulder bag for me."

Pip was on his way back and if by slow motion Eric's hand opened so that I
could take the case. Our hands touched very gently while I helped him hold
the bag over his shoulder. Pip was almost back.

We all walked through the double doors that had electric locks. I was taken
to the office and taken through to see the master in charge. That's what we
called him but you can tell how long ago that was because even now the word
Headmaster is common to take its place.

"Mr Baxter come in."

"Boys you know talking is not allowed outside the house, have you anything
to say?"

"That is my fault headmaster. I left things in my car. We spoke briefly and
the boys' helped, as I would expect from the school I attended. If blame is
to be given then it is all my fault."

"I see, very well. Paul if I may call you that this is Phillip and
Eric. You will hear Pip called quite often, that's Phillip. He is a helper
but shy with it. He is 13. Eric has come to us in the last year. He is a
bit slow with studies so if we need an extra pair of hands then he is the
boy. We hope this will help him with his lessons. He is 11"

The boys did not move.

"Boys please take Mr Baxter's things to the room prepared. One of you come
back to show Mr Baxter around in about an hour. Here is the key."

"Excuse me sir? May we have permission to enter your room and unpack for
you?"

"Yes of course. I can unpack though so do not waste time if you have
lessons."

The boys left

"Paul, welcome back. I wrote after I saw you achievements in the
educational press.  We have a small problem and a person like you could
help us a great deal. You have a PHD is psychology. Well the boys here all
go through things like you did. When you were here you had to suffer but
these days we have the ability to help the boys with people like
yourself. You are an English major combined with being a good cross-country
runner. We lack the basic rudiments of all three. Some teacher's
substitute, but age now controls the excitement the boys need. In the week
you are here I would like you to take the lower class giving a report on
each boys outlook. One thing you should know is that the boys easily makes
friends. The friendships can and do get closer than what normal schools
allow. We, the teachers agree that some lonely boys gain from a close
friendship. In the 6 years I have been headmaster the exam results have got
better and better. Some boys do like to be alone so we need to understand."

"Is that why you get the boys to become helpers? So they do at least feel
part of the school."

"You are working already I see. Yes that's correct. Each day we have a
message reading in the dinner hall. I want to warn you that some messages
tell the school when one boy has a friendship with another. I never bring
up the word homosexuality because I think that some relationships would be
destroyed. They may think its wrong. If two boys ask to have a room
together I talk privately but I am no good with the real meaning. I hope
you understand and will try to take that task from me. Finally some of the
teachers do have a favourite child. They help them reach the levels of the
others. I never bring up what the teachers do providing that you inform me
so I may record it in my book. This is a copy for you to read. It's a lot
to take in but I hope that after the week you will join us. I'd like to put
right the horrible experience you had by getting you to become one of the
teachers I can rely on to take us into the years ahead."

Knock, knock.

"Come in."

"Sorry to bother you sir but you said to come back in an hour."

"Thank you. Wait for Mr Baxter in the corridor. Paul it looks like you have
made a friend. Eric never volunteers for anything. Pip is the one who shows
people around. I wonder why he has made the first step for you. If you get
to know then please do tell me. This could be the start of Eric becoming
his own man."

I closed the headmaster's door and laughed. Not to loud but loud enough for
Eric to hear and see.

"What's funny sir"?

Walking side by side I gradually told him that I had been invited to the
school being and old boy. I was asked to help for a week.

"What's funny about that?"

"Well I never said I would but here I am walking to my room with a boy from
the school, the headmaster assuming I was going to stay."

"You will stay though wont you sir?"

Without thinking I ruffled the boys hair getting a wide eye look from him.

"Come on sir your room is this way."

Moving up the stairs, then through the corridors I remembered them as if it
was yesterday. Nothing had changed except the boys' rooms. Just 2 boys to a
room. No dormitories. I remember what the headmaster had said. "If a boy
wanted to share with another then it would be easy to accommodate.

"This is your room."

It was spacious and warm. That was a positive side to it. The rooms I had
before were so cold that most boys would wear two sets of clothing to bed
just to keep warm. My bags were unpacked with everything folded to the
regulation standard. I looked at Eric while his face went red.

"You did all this Eric?"

He sounded pleased that I noticed while a fearful look was clear to see. He
wanted and hoped that things were all right.

"Its perfect. When I was here I had a chance to help the teachers. We had a
pin that we held on our tie. I still have it. Wait a second."

I found the tiepin then clipped it to his tie. It was not done up correctly
so I took it from him.

"Watch this."

I did up then undid the tie. Several time he tried till the tie was
perfect. He admired his work explaining that he could never do up a
tie. Well with the pin clipped to it he was almost in tears. I forced him
to believe that he had taken his first lesson. The smile was worth all my
certificates I had worked for.  The strangest thing was that I was actually
starting to feel something for Eric. No one helped me so I did not want
Eric to go through the school feeling so inferior just the way I did.

"I have to go sir I am going to be late for music."

I waved him away.

"Sir I am in room 3 if you need anything." He ran to me placing a silver
button in my hand. "Merit in Music. Eric stoller."

Just as he ran out Pip called in with a case full of bed linen.

"Sir I got this from the laundry. I got a quilt because that's what most of
the masters have.  Sir that's Eric's badge you have on. He got that at the
school concert. Why have you got it?"

I explained about the tiepin and Eric giving me the badge.

"Sir you know what that means don't you?"

"Yes, it was a gesture from a friend."

"Not quite Sir, some boys make friends with other boys then they, its
difficult."

"They say that something difficult to say is best said quickly."

"They fall in love. Eric giving you that is saying how much he cares. It
saddens me sir."

"Oh Pip its only a badge."

"Yes I know but I hoped that we could be friends. I am someone who is shy
just like Eric but I have never felt my body shiver like when I was with
you."

"Pip I am flattered. There is a difference between friendship and love. I
can be your friend."

"I know sir but its Eric that has told you first how much he cares."

I saw a single tear fall down Pip's face. With my thumb I wiped it away. He
was not happy but the memories went through me of when I had been at the
school and I was so sad I wish for one thing. I sat on the mattress taking
Pip's hand. I pulled him to me then without a worry hugged him. I assumed
he would feel better but instead he started to cry substantially. The tears
were making my shirt very wet but he was so full of sorrow that I held him
so that he could empty the sadness from inside him. When he calmed down I
went to give his cheek the solitary kiss of understanding. Before I could
get there he turned so that our lips came into contact for the shortest
time I ever knew.

"What was that for Pip?"

"Sir can I trust you?"

The nod was good enough.

Pip closed the door then came back to me. He was wiping his eyes with his
sleeve then I was stuck to the spot. Pip fumbled with his trousers till
they were open. I was telling him to stop but nothing could be heard. He
pushed the trousers down till he was happy enough to show the
reason. Lifting his shirt I saw a large purple bruise. It reached from his
hip going down half his leg.

"Raymond does that to me because I am the slowest boy in the house."

I held him again with every intention of insisting he dress. It was a
strange sensation to hold a boy this way. I told him that things would be
all right .His body got closer I was feeling that this was something that
made me scared. Pip started to open his shirt.

"Pip this is kind of you but I have got so much to do. You are a special
friend but lets get you dressed in case someone comes in."

"No one goes in a masters room without their permission, if it matters that
much you can do whatever you like, even beat me like Raymond did. I was
hoping that you might need a special friend. I have never been special to
anyone."

"Pip, you want a special friend then you have got one. When I was at this
school I was given this. It's a small horse that I had pinned to my jacket
collar. It was when I was made teachers helper. I was so proud."

"Sir we get these now but only when we are older. They are red."

"Well mine is silver. It does not mean anything but I hope it reminds you
that you have a friend. Now please get dressed and its soon tea so will you
help me to make my bed then I will come with you?"

Together we made the bed and got ready for tea. We walked down to the large
dining area with everyone wondering who the adult was that had invaded his
or her life. Pip was the message reader for the day.

"Paul I hope you are settled? Pip will have a hard time with this
tonight. His reading like Eric and Samuel is very poor."

The school had changed but the food had not. The evening stew was clearly
made by Mrs Greening who I remember well. Her claim to fame was porridge
that was strong enough to hold bricks in such a way that cement was poor
stuff compared to her cookery. Pip took to the stage, he was very
nervous. I stood up and walked to him.

"Good evening to you all. I am Mr Baxter. I am here for a week to see if I
like you. I do not care if you like me because like most boys when I was
here I hated them all."

The room rippled with a small amount of laughter.

"The message reading is new and I understand that everyone has to take his
turn. Well with your permission I will alternate with Pip and have a go."

A few whistles were heard.

"Item 1, The Art teacher Mr?" "That's Brown sir." "Good name for an Art
teacher. Is having a lesson after 7pm on foliage; I think that's about
trees. I guess I will leave that out. Pip!

Item 2 the school won another match at football."

"Who against." They shouted.

"My turn, It does not matter we just won."

The hall erupted with utensils banging on the tables followed by
cheers. Our message reading lasted 15minutes. I left the last to Pip

"Just 2 to go people. Thanks and welcome to Mr Baxter, with my help he did
a good job don't you think?"

Everyone clapped.

"Finally Eric Stoller.  He has found a friend. This warning is for
everyone. Eric is very lucky so no more teasing him. There are now just a
few of us lonely boys so think about treating us bad. We do no harm and
kike you are just here to go to school."

I stood quickly.

"Just before you do go will Raymond see me after dinner."

I sat to finish my coffee and was complimented on the way I helped PIP.

"I see that Eric has got his friend. He is a sweet boy. Pip is also a
friend so I see. The horse would have come from just one person. I will
write this in my book. I will assume that you have got a friend and helpers
so I will look for someone else to take their place."

"Headmaster what is the worst job that a boy can be told to do?"

"We keep the kitchen cleaning for that. May I ask why you asked?"

I explained the reason. He was not happy but strangely pleased that Pip had
the courage to tell someone. He was even more pleased that I did not object
when I was shown allowing trust to be shown immediately.

"Sir I am Raymond. You wanted to see me."

"Yes that's right lets go for a walk. I want you to become a kitchen helper
and wash the pots for the time I am here."

"Sir, why what have I done?"

I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of bullies. I told him what
I thought about giving him the same treatment as he had Pip. The pot
cleaning must be bad because he said that he would rather that to
happen. The explanation was clear. He apologised to Pip and made it clear
that he would place a notice on the board to show that the apology was
true. I made him help in the kitchen for that night and true to his word he
left a note for all to see and made a personnel face to face apology to
Pip.

I met all the teachers who made a conscious appreciative effort to say
hello but most wanted to turn in. I got the junior's prep then the
showers. My first class was very good. I am so honest when I say that boys
did nothing for me. I could smile at the acorns running under 3 drops of
water then shouting, "I am done." Several time I sent them back but it was
a game in the end. I got to know them very quickly.

It was easy to get them in bed using the old get in or you're in trouble.

"Well Paul how was the first class? I will guess it was fine. If you get
any problems then threaten them with a wet towel and they will move faster
than you have ever seen them before."

Well it was 8pm when all was quiet. I even got the chance to say goodnight
to Eric and his roommate called Greg. They were on an early start for
breakfasts so were eager to get to sleep. I was not sure about my next
action but I gave Eric a small kiss goodnight. Greg never saw but I tucked
him in to. I closed the doors and made my way to my room and found a flask
of hot chocolate waiting for me. I got the book the headmaster gave me then
sat back with the one thing the school was good for, Hot chocolate with
extra sweet chocolate. It was almost 9pm when I was asleep. The book fell
to the floor and I woke. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could tell
I was not alone. I switched on the light and Pip was sitting in another
chair looking at me.

"What are you doing here? You should be in bed."

"Do not laugh but I was hoping that I would be."

I never noticed that a boy who was clean could look so different. His feet
curled under him Pip sat wearing some pyjamas covered in the flags of the
world. His auburn hair glowed gold

"Just in case you said I could I have my pyjamas, I have my briefs but if
you really want me I will not bother wearing anything. The headmaster moved
me next door and told me to keep you company if that was what we both
wanted."

I went to get a shower hoping that he would go back to bed. When I came
back he had cleared up and was standing in his slippers next to the bed.

"Sir if you want me to go then I will but for the first time since I have
been here I have not wanted to go home. I have heard what can happen. I
always said that it would never happen to me but now I wish that if it
could then I want to be with you, unless you say something I will go to
bed."

I never said a word. I watched Pip's face drop and he collect a small bag
then walk towards the door. When he passed me I reached out to stroke his
head then offer a smile but Pip was against me believing that my touch was
the answer to his question. I sat on the bed with this soft shy boy holding
tight as though his life depended on it. I pulled back the quilt turning
off the light. No time for bed attire I left the towel and climbed in.

"Pip you can stay but just for tonight."

"What shall I wear?"

"Anything but it's getting late so we have to get some sleep."

Pip slipped under the quilt then rested against me. His pyjamas were soft
but he was more interested in the small amount of hair that covered my
chest.

"Sir may I kiss you goodnight?"

He did not need an answer. His tight hard lips contacted mine. I slipped a
hand behind his neck allowing some pressure to clasp the soft flesh just
above the collar of his jacket. The kiss never stopped. I gave him the hug
as before. It was when he slipped on his back that our lips parted. I gave
him one last kiss but the vice like hug he gave me made this more
exciting. The boy was at an angle so I had to lift him up so that his head
was more central on the pillow. The jacket lifted, I could feel the warm
flesh. I did not expect to feel like I was but my fingers found his
button. The flesh was puffed out. I was happy to stroke it then move the
hand up further till the two pimples were between my thumb and finger. Pip
let out a deep breath and the kissing became serious.

"You can take my jacket off sir?"

"Pip my name is Paul. When we are alone then call me that but not in front
of the others. Now if you are sure then taking your jacket off would be
very sweet."

Sitting up he slipped the jacket over his head. Pip slipped his trousers
down as well.

"Now Paul that will save me from doing it later. I have seen boys like this
before but that's as far as I know. It feel very nice doing this but I
think I have a lot to learn."

I turned on the light then pulled the cover back. I took the trousers and
put them with his jacket. He had some red and white-stripped briefs on that
had one stripe bigger and more prominent than the others. I turned the
light off and started to hold him. The kisses were easy now I was even
allowed to feel each tooth with my tongue. He tried the same. I held his
ankle while we kissed gently stroking the leg then inner thigh. After a
long sigh my tongue found his. It was like a sword fight but without the
tragic ending.

I do not think Pip noticed and neither did I for a while that I had a hand
fully against his briefs with the ever-increasing hardness growing bigger
and bigger.

"Pip can we take your briefs off now?"

No words just the resting boy. I was careful to lift the front over the
bulge then slip them to his knees."

"Paul take them off, right off."

I put them under his pillow just in case a quick get away was needed. I was
feeling guilty now about what I was doing. My finger ran up and down the
long smooth penis. I say smooth and he was. Not a hair on his body except
for the glow on his head. It was getting warm. I took the covers down and
like a blind person reading Braille I followed the word pleasure.

It was not long before I could feel the erection rise. I was almost able to
hold it with two fingers and a thumb. I kept reassuring him that he was all
right. Pip became more anxious allowing little moans of pleasure escape
from within. I reached down to kiss the erection then laughed when Pip
asked me not to eat it. I gave it a gentle suck feeling the small marbles
slipping away from his body. His legs were wide apart when a finger touched
the one place that I touched through instinct. The small hole was opening
and closing like the lips of a baby. When my little finger slipped so
gently inside I was aware that Pip was pushing himself hard against my
lips. I moved to kiss him but I was to late. Pip had an orgasm, I was sure
it was his first. Several contractions while I turned the light on. One
single drip of clear liquid came from the head of his penis. I eased down
till he opened his eyes.

"Paul what happened?"

It did not take long to explain. I suggested he dress but he wanted none of
it. We covered up and fell asleep. During the night I held his bottom while
giving him several more times of pleasure.

The next morning Pip had gone. His pyjamas were with him. We did briefly
see each other but no more was said about the night before until I found a
letter.

"Paul that was the best night of my life. Please do not let it be the
last."

The next day I felt as though I had broken all the rules of life, the
school but most of all I began to think that I was in the wrong
position. At breakfast the headmaster was the first to notice.

"Looks like the fresh air is working already Paul? This school has for some
the magic that allows the wonders of their education comes to the front. I
think after just one day that you will be fine with us. You know, I can
feel a different atmosphere this morning. Some boys had in their bags, easy
to see, books relating to your lessons. It's been my knowledge that when a
child brings his work in on time the teacher has made a very good impact."

God, did I want to run. My legs shook and my head spun. I was almost going
to feint. Other teachers asked at the morning meeting what happened to make
the boys so eager to please. I slipped back in the chair while the
headmaster loudly said what he thought; bringing my name into the
conversation it seemed after every other word. I did hear "Good show young
sir." As if that was not enough the other teachers voted that for the short
time I was there I might take a class or two of theirs so that they could
examine the new happy mannerisms the boys showed for the short time between
getting up and breakfast. I was so busy with the boys at the class I
started yet he openly agreed to swell my practice to 4 other classes that
were flagging slightly on the work they were doing.

For the moment I had the boys that took prep last night. As I entered the
classroom on my desk was a pile of books. The homework, it was all complete
from every boy. I made little of it so got straight into the link to the
prep that covered verbs and adjectives. I did allow some reading getting
the boys to find the so-called words the lesson was about. I checked the
homework. It was very good with mainly spelling errors but they could be
dealt with in prep. Learn the words then have a test the next day. Any
other teacher who took the class would find that easy.

It had to happen, Pip was fine but there was a letter inside that contained
all his feeling after last night. I was reading then hearing "I know what
he means." That echoed through me. It was the sort of letter that could
never be shown to others yet I felt so guilty. The worst though was Eric's
book. Inside was nothing. No work just the tiepin I gave him with "All
lies." Written in bold letters. I looked at him but the stare was
nowhere. No writing he sat their head down, I could see he was begging for
the lesson to be over. When it was they collected their book, marked of
course but Eric's was left upon the desk. I had an hour for the next lesson
one added by the headmaster. I decided to go and see him.

"I have been expecting you Paul."

I looked at him.

"Sir? Why? Have I done something wrong?

"No not at all."

I showed him the letter then explained the gift of the tiepin.

"In all my years I have never seen this happen. You have a problem. I
believe that both Pip and young Eric have fallen head over heals in love
with you. This is not puppy love this is the real thing. I started to see
that this morning when Pip was looking at you with Eric looking away. Now
most teachers would say I better leave

"I was."

"Mr Parish on his regular nightly rounds noticed that Pip was not in his
bed for quite some time last nigh. Most teachers would be thinking about
leaving. "

"I was."

"It seems Paul that you have two boys after your affection. You are going
to think this strange. We at Peterfields do not condone the actions of a
boy or master becoming attracted to each other. We do in most cases
encourage it as part of the learning curve. Not all the boys here will find
teachers attractive but we are well aware that this does happen. My answer
to all this is that you sort it out without running away. You would destroy
the Childs feelings and the school would loose the excitement that a young
teacher has brought to us. Now listen carefully Paul. I have asked Mr
Parish to ignore when either Pip is not in his bed. Eric I expect is the
one who got away. I will never repeat myself ever again."

I wandered from his office in a complete blur. He never asked if that was
how I felt or how I felt. The assumption was there. I came in angry, for no
reason other than a lack of understanding I did have a boy in my bed. I was
not like that but it happened. I think I needed to be told that I had a
made a bad call in judgment. I went back to my room to tidy up before the
class in Geography. It was the middle school that had my company but I was
not looking forwards to it.

"Good morning boys lets get out your books and begin from the prep you
revised last night. "

5 homework books were missing. I was angry with myself. The boys took the
lot.

 "The missing book were to be done with an essay by tomorrow or a week in
the kitchens as punishment"

Finally I had some boys who hated me. The air was hard and a misty red,
well that's what I could see. It took the whole class time for me to
realise that I was wrong. I asked the boys why the homework was not in on
time.

"Sir we were doing the school play and were given permission to do the work
at prep today."

I apologised. Explaining that I was still coming to terms with the schools
system. When they all walked out the door I overheard,

"He said sorry. No teacher had ever said sorry to us before. He is just
like us, human. He is so cool."

Lunch came but I was in no mood to eat. The headmaster told me that the
boys could all see that I was not my normal self.

"Paul come on you have to deal with this. It's no big deal. Imagine you
have found a new friend. Then you know as well as I friendship can blossom
into something more. You in one day have inspired the boys in this room to
become hard working young men. Between you and me I bet there are more boys
than you can think of that have a crush on you. This is at all different
levels. They need stability and you have started that process."

I took a class on science for the very young boarders. I told them that the
lesson was yes or no. They wrote in their books the words that I wrote them
on the blackboard. I mixed the substances together then asked the class to
tell me if they were safe. Of course the smallest quantities I used were
safe but very effecting if they did of course did not like one another. We
had a fine time watching a miniature firework display combined with the
ones that were safe. I placed some ash under my desk then mixed together
the last one. A mixture of small hands rose for yes and no. Nothing
happened.

"It looks like that they are safe."

 The boys who said safe cheered. Then a great puff of green smoke heading
for the open windows. I ducked rubbing ash all over my face then ruffled my
hair. I stood up. The boys were in hysterics.

"Now who said they were safe. Several hands were raised. I was about to
speak when a giant green worm appeared from the pile rolling off the desk
then under the boys desks creating many different words of praise, boys
that is not a worm. After a while they all helped me clean up the classroom
and the chemicals they had written down were to be learned for a test the
next day. I was fond of spelling tests. The boys made enough noise for the
whole school. Almost every boy was in laughter even the ones who never went
to the class.

The science master walked towards me.

"Ah the old yes and no test."

"How do you know?"

"Paul you twit. Check the mirror."

We cleaned the room but I had forgotten to clean me. My comment about class
work was a dirty job just brought more laughter. The boys decided that the
lesson they just had was the best. I had to remind them that there were
many lessons to come and if they worked hard then they would enjoy every
lesson, not just the one they had with me.

I was back to my own class now but even though I had a great deal of fun
with the smaller boys this was my class. I had them read from their reading
books. Eric never opened his. Pip's smile had disappeared, the happiness
was gone, and well that's what I thought. A senior boy came into the room
with a letter.

Eric, Pip and Gary will you please go and see the headmaster."

I started to here the other boys read. I expect that people will think I am
mad but it was a joy that Eric and Pip had left the class.

Gary returned.

"Everything alright Gary?"

"Yes sir."

I never saw the other two boys till we all went for tea. I have seen people
at contests trying to eat baked beans with a cocktail stick one after
another. Well here was I doing just the same yet the fork was my cocktail
stick.

"You sure got it bad Paul."

Said the headmaster bringing two mugs of coffee over. One for him and one
for me. I took a good drink but almost choked realising that the coffee
contained something that was not on the school menu.

"I have watched you in action all day. Boys drag their bags while you have
been dragging your chin so all the boys can see. I have had a number ask me
if you were going to leave because you were so unhappy. I spoke to Pip and
Eric. Don't look so angry the teachers and boys are of great importance to
me. I have never heard boys of their age express their feelings as I heard
today. I offered no advice except not to rush but time heals. Bit old
fashion but it helped. You are so down in the dump because something inside
you became clear. I have one last thing to say, unless you can get yourself
together for the boys and the school then maybe you should be leaving
before the boys get any closer than they are. We have all gone through this
at some time. In your days the hatred that the school ran on is gone. The
boys need affection then in return they will become who they want to
be. The teacher who will be going, well you are the one we hope will take
his place to bring the staff up to its limit was happy and well liked. A
boy actually did all he could to get him where he wanted. Poems. Beautiful
letters had hidden love. Flowers and even an admission of deep love here on
this very stage. That was Raymond. He changed when refused. He is a bully
and we all know it. He went from loving to hurt all because the teacher
could not deal with his feelings. You never told me that you were disgusted
or abhorred or any other word that describes repulsion. You were
hurting. Do what you have to do Paul"

The coffee was good and I had a lot to think about. When it came too the
messages the eldest boy from the younger class, sounds strange but you'll
get it, he spoke without the need of notes. Very eloquent he mentioned
about the news from the school. He even pointed out on his own behalf what
chemical were no safe to mix. He spelt them correctly then added his sorrow
that I was thinking of leaving. He apologised to the headmaster saying to
the school that his friend Gary had been told.

"Paul here is a tissue just in case the nose runs from the hot coffee."

At the end there was silence, then the science teacher patted my shoulder
expressing his admiration that I had managed to succeed in getting a top
job done by the boys. No prep tonight I just had early night
duty. Bath/showers bed that sort of thing. I had done it last night but I
was in a different mood.

Something very wrong had happened. No boy was allowed in any way to go into
a master's room unless a master was there. On my bed was a letter against
the pillow. No boys were near by and I was angry that a rule had been
broken. Stupid after I thought about it. I closed the door then found a
bottle of whiskey sitting with one glass. "Great job. Harry (Science)" I
sat back pouring something that I did not know if it was something I
liked. Glass in one hand letter in the other. The whisky was powerful but
in a mug of tea would be a welcome to the cool depression. I opened the
letter.

"Hi Paul, I am very angry that because of what happened last night and the
letter I sent this morning you are thinking of leaving. You gave me 24
hours of freedom when I could be the boy I have not been for so long. I did
not know about Eric. He is my friend but if I had known then I would not
have bothered you. I will loose a friend if you leave, do you know what it
is like to be so alone. I know as an adult children have no rights to ask
anything that will change a decision you have already made, I must
try. Please stay with us. I said us so I am not being selfish. So many
think that you are great. Finally Paul what we did last night, was it not
suppose to happen? Did you not want me like that?  I love you but do not
tell any one. Pip"

There was another piece of paper that had the small horse clipped to
it. That was the straw that broke the camels back as they say. I was in
tears. I could feel just what the headmaster was saying earlier on. Yes I
did want to leave I wanted to go, now. I had an Idea. I changed to my
running gear. I asked the old history teacher to start early so I could
have a run. He agreed so I took to the fields. The moon showed me the way
yet I knew where to run and I was sure that I could do it even
blindfolded. Birds and animals home to rest scattered when I ran through
their lands. I rounded the large pine to head for the oak. It was cold but
I was use to running away in all weathers. Did I say running away, I meant
running anyway I could. That was my release. It did not seem too bad but my
stopwatch showed 55 minutes. I had run for an hour.

I opened my windows and showered. I made the tea added a good splash of
Whiskey but still came face to face with the letter. I sat back realising
that running away would not bring the past days feeling into some sort of
order. I did the check before going to bed, listening to the orchestra of
snoring, wheezing and sounds of a nature difficult to describe. I got to
Eric's room but he was still awake.

"Come on son it's getting late. Try and get some sleep. I wanted to tuck
him in but when he swiftly turned away I decided not to encroach in his
space, I went to my room and took the tiepin. I managed to fix it to his
tie caring not if he saw or not.

Pip was also awake so got the horse fixed it to his jacket. It was the
noise that made me aware he was crying so invading space or not I went to
him. He was hot even I saw that. His hair stuck to his forehead. I moved it
away. I was gentle trying hard to stop the tears.

"I did not mean to do it wrong Paul. I am sorry."

The tears started again. I held him hoping that sleep would come
quickly. It's hard to be upset with someone like this. He had done no
wrong. It was me who took advantage of him. It was a while for he
relaxed. I tucked him down into his bed gently gave him a kiss then
whispered, "I love you Pip." I left pondering how the boy felt all because
of me. I felt worthless. It was a noise that brought me out of the thoughts
of feeling sorry for myself.

"Paul? You said you loved me."

There stood Pip. His face looking as if he had not washed in weeks due to
the tear stains under and around his eyes. Dark red pyjamas all creased but
looking much to big for him. No slippers so he must have got out of bed
just after I left thinking no more about his dress being that he had so
much more on his mind.

"Paul do you mean it? Does that mean what we did last night was all right?
Do not ever do that again. I have missed talking to you. I love you to. Can
I stay with you for a while?"

My mouth formed the words "No go back to bed." But my hands gesticulated
for him to come forwards into my arms. It's strange to find that the body
no longer takes orders from the brain when a boy that gives you as much of
a jolt as the very first whisky did that evening. I watched the Olympics on
film from the old days and one competition they had was "The Standing Long
Jump." From one point without the aid of running they would leap several
feet up then out. Quite an achievement. Today I witnessed that feat. Pip
did not run to me. My arms were open so he just jumped with all his might
landing in my lap his arms had me in a vice like grip.

"Paul you said you love me!"

Sorry to keep referring to other things but it's the best way I can
described what happened. I bet you have all see the nature programmes when
they film a butterfly in flight. Its wings moving so slow that every part
of its beauty can be seen. Both Pip and I moved so slowly until our lips
came into contact with each other's. No more words, no more actions, no
expectations just the realisation that love did exist within this
school. His excitement then action had left him with his jacket half way up
his back. Three fingers found the spine allowing me to count the discs and
ribs while Pip did his own exploration of my lips.

"Paul do you want me to stay? If so I need to get changed."

Once again I was trying to say no but I think it was the smile and hug that
translated into yes as far as the boy was concerned. Pip quickly left the
room while I finished my tea. I hung up my gown then climbed into bed. I
watched for some time thinking that I was wrong and he had just gone back
to bed. It was the door that made me come to life. With his day clothes on
hangers he slipped them in the cupboard. The pyjamas were left upon the
chair leaving him in a pair of briefs. Red combined with white stripes. The
ones last night were white with red stripes. He stood looking at me by the
bed. His eyes were shining with the final happy tears that remained.

"Like this Paul or are you going to choose?"

I watched him smile when I reached across. I slipped the covers back then
started to try and slip the briefs down. Pip finished that task off climbed
in bed and we were together.

I think that it was a combination of emotion and tiredness that made us
sleep. I woke to find Pip gone. I did not panic because I heard the call
for breakfast while I was still wondering what happened the night before. I
showered so fast that I wondered if any droplets of water ever hit my
body. I noticed that I was different. I had a smile that was missing
before. The moment I sat down I was told about it. It was acknowledged by
the headmaster that Pip was dancing to breakfast so was congratulated for
doing the right thing.

"Paul my friend. I see the horse is back and I bet you have not noticed the
tiepin? The boys have seen the silver badge which is a bit daring for you
to wear, but I suppose that this all has a great plan in the big
picture. The vast meaning of life is wonderful but let me say that I hope
you do not see the boys in your life any different from each other?"

He was right however I had no intentions of allowing the affections that
did not exist within me to show up or distract the others.

" "Do the fruit baskets this morning please Paul? 1 piece per child for
their break." "Watch them because they will try to get away with anything
but I have warned them already. I will take drastic action with any child
that tries to be clever. I will be with you until the boys get going." I
was still in a daze when I got to the baskets. One by one the boys took an
apple or orange. Halfway through just as the headmaster was about to leave
Pip took an orange. He added to that a hug for me then a quick kiss on the
cheek. Walking out the door he waved.

"Paul it looks like you have got more than puppy love. That boy is
beginning to dote on you and everything you do."

 The other boys took fruit waving as if it was something that had too
happen. The headmaster gave a big laugh when the head boy followed the
rest. Eric was last and took an apple. He then left it on the table next to
me.

"That's for you."

"Now what do I do Paul? We have 2 boys falling for you. Soon there will be
more. I cannot ask or let you go. You are the most powerful person that has
bonded with the boys since I have started. Straight question Paul. Are you
Gay, Homosexual, you know what I mean?"

"Headmaster no. I have never had those thoughts yet the boys I have to
admit give me feelings that I never had before. Men do not attract me
but...."

"I understand Paul. I wondered. Take this book. It's called The Shying. See
the pun on the film?"

I had but I took it. I had a free period so read about people who were boy
lovers. It was very detailed and described the feeling I had been
having. The early part of the book covered the section that told the worst
things that may happen. The rest went on to explain the joy that could be
had with a boy. It was important that a boy was the one who instigated the
act of love. It showed a list of thing and so far I had received a great
number from pip. A letter at the end suggested that a sex education lesson
might be a good thing so my class were having one as I read with the
headmaster.  I hoped he never told the boys what he thought. If he did then
I would leave because he had started what was to fast for me.

At break time the Headmaster told me that all was well. He had instructed
the boys to write an imaginary love letter. I was supposed to correct the
spellings. That would be seen as today's homework. I was asked if I minded
which I have to say that I appreciated. The boys came in to continue their
essays while I read the letters.

Some were blatant while some were very poetic and sweet. I got one that was
addressed to me and another addressed to the headmaster. His I slipped into
my pocket, politeness getting the better of me.
 The letter to me was almost a letter of guilt. It explained that this boy
has suffered strange feeling since I had come into his life. He had hidden
the feelings for almost a year. Boys made him laugh but the feeling a man
gave him were different. "Teachers in the school were not bad but my secret
sir, you have made me come alive. Oh for the chance to be noticed. I know
people will say its wrong but after the lesson today I know I love
you. Headmaster you said that you would keep this to yourself and I thank
you. Love to the Headmaster but passion to Paul"

Just then the headmaster walked in. The boys all stood then he quickly told
them to sit down.

"Oh dear I see you have the letter that I was suppose to keep. What's done
is done. Now can you see the effect that you are having on people?"

"Headmaster who wrote this letter?"

"Have you read the book I gave you?" I gave it to him. "Third row desk 5
but do not do anything to hurt the child he has opened his heart by writing
that letter. He will get the award for the boy of the week."

"Headmaster I would never do such a thing. He is special. I never thought
that boys needed love and care as much as I want to give it."

"Well the truth. Discrete! You must be that. Can I remind you that 90% of
the boys want girls but we are gentle to those who are different? I wish I
were your age again. You are like a honey pot and the bees are beginning to
form. As I have told 3 other teachers hear. If you hurt a child for any
reason then I will not hesitate to call the authorities. In my 10 years we
have a happy school and not one mention of disgrace has ever been filed. I
will leave this in your hands now but I am always free if you have
problems. You see I am like you. I like the seniors. 14 and up so I know
how you feel. Just do what you thinks right."

The headmaster left allowing my eyes to find the boy who sat at desk 5 of
the third row. In the seat sat a head down boy that I new. It was Greg. He
shared the room with Eric.

I did out of courtesy read all the letters noting the letters that had been
completed by Pip, Eric, Simon but Greg's I read over and over again. I
wondered if he knew I was looking at him rather than looking over the whole
class.

I think that someone must have seen. He was hard working. His hair was
Brown. It was very light brown. His features were clear. I thought I saw a
spot but it was his jacket buttons reflection. His hands worked hard at
writing. I noticed that he was ambidextrous, that's being able to use both
hand to write. He was dressed well. He was the only boy whose socks were at
the same level on each leg. One movement had the bottom of his pencil under
his chin. His eyes gazed at the ceiling looking for inspiration. I can
expect to hear thoughts all over saying that because I had virtually been
given the go ahead to take and have any boy I was just sizing him up.

The practical thoughts in his letter said he was in love. It said nothing
about sex. Inside me the treasure that was hidden had been found. All those
precious feelings had been seen, taken and recognised. At the end of class
Pip and Eric had to go for tea duties. Then after they had music and chess
club. I reminded Pip to go straight to bed and I would see him the next
morning.

Tea was Sardines on toast. Really bad stuff. The headmaster read the
messages this evening. He was explaining the change of duties. I was very
angry to hear that Eric was given a week off to catch up on work so my new
helper was Greg. Many hands volunteered. The headmaster said that he chose
someone whose arm was not raised to point out that every boy was part of
the school. I managed a few minutes with pip before he cleared my things
away.

"You two will start getting a reputation."

Said the headmaster.

The headmaster asked me if I had thought anymore about the letter and what
I was going to do about it. (I was about to let it go but clearly the Head
had other plans.) Greg spoke to the Headmaster his smart appearance made me
linger over a further coffee that I did not really want.

Greg walked to me.

"Sir I will clear up. You go and relax. I see that you have a free
evening. May I bring you anything?"

I slipped his love letter in his jacket pocket.

What is on the paper? Could you bring to my room?"

I left not looking back moving quickly before the scream but it never
happened. I was a complete blank going to my room. Upstairs was a mixture
of boys getting ready for bed and those going to their evening clubs. I
headed straight for my room getting a glass of the whisky left for me the
previous day. I was so busy wondering what to do that I forgot time. It was
when the door knocked that I was brought back into reality.

"Come in."

Slowly, almost slouching in the door walked Greg. His heed down clearly
worried.

"How did you get the letter Sir?"

"Does it matter? I just got it."

"You were never supposed to see it. It was a test that I had to do for the
headmaster."

"I see.  So the letter was just a joke."

"Its no joke. I mean I just used your name as an example."

"Greg did you know that as a boy I was at this school. The biggest rule was
that we must never tell a lie. I will tell you this just once. I am not
angry with you. In fact I was very flattered to read it. Did you know that
many boys feel the way you do?  I asked you here to find out more. Tell me
what is it that you like most of all?"

"Sir do I have to?"

"No of course not but if that letter is true then I have been wondering all
day since reading it what to say to you."

I sat watching this boy look like someone who had been caught doing
something very bad. His hands were wrapping around each others showing that
he was very nervous. His smart look had become a mess but his face was the
worst. I remember doing things wrong then being caught. I stood outside of
the headmaster's office with than very it look scared but desperate to run
away. My shoes were glued to the floor that was until I was escorted in to
his office.

"Greg, come over here."

The boy was so slow. I was quite stern telling him to dress. Making sure
that the school uniform was as I saw in the classroom.

"Am I going to tell everyone that you love me?"

"No sir please do not do that. I have tried so hard to keep it a
secret. You are different. Am I wrong to have these feelings?"

"No Greg not at all. I have all ready told you that it has happened to
others. So you really love me then?"

"Yes sir but please I wont say anything."

"What are we going to do about it now that I know how you feel?"

"I do not know Sir."

"This makes it very difficult Greg. I wish I had an answer. You tell me
this, if I told you that I loved you what would you say?"

"I would be happy but would not know at all what to do."

"Well then Greg I feel the same way about you."

"Sir? I do not understand."

"You want me to write a letter? I think that you are wonderful. The next
question is what happens now?"

I watched while Greg looked at me. I am not sure if he was relieved or
satisfied with what had just happened.

"Are you angry with me for writing that letter?"

"I would be angry if that letter was not the truth. But I read it so many
times today so I think I can tell if it was a lie."

"I was here a long time. Some boys made fun of other boys who had boys as
friends. They called us nasty names. I made sure I was all-alone. I saw you
kiss Eric goodnight. I wished that you would come to me. I know that Pip
was with you last night. His bed was empty when I went to the bathroom his
door was open. I even went to see you. I saw you both. At that moment I was
angry because if I had only been brave enough to tell you then maybe I
would have been the one who was in bed with others watching."

I could see he was being so sincere. I got up and closed the door behind
him. I placed an arm on his shoulders.

"Greg I have two question to ask you? The first is how old are you then
tell me what time you have to get up in the morning?"

"I am just 12 years old. I have to get up at 7am to get the night staffs
tea."

"Do you want to get up from your bed or mine?

"Do you mean that I can sleep with you?

"Well you will have to choose quickly. It is late."

Greg ran from my room rushing to his. Eric was in bed already. Quickly Greg
gathered a few things then made his way back. Pip was just leaving my room
when he got there. One small boy with a bundle of clothing in a bag
entered.

"Do you really mean this?"

I was folding up his clothes for tomorrow. His jacket was put on a hook on
the back of the door. I laid his morning clothes out then managed with
gentle persuasion that he sit on my knee. It was very easy to slip his tie
off. The shirt buttons were slightly harder. Greg did not mind me doing
this, when he never showed any fear. I lifted him up then let him lay down
upon my bed. He watched while I removed each slipper then each sock was put
in the slippers so they would not get lost. It was a triumph when the shirt
came off and I could at last see the boy or half the boy who wrote that he
was in love with me just 6 hours earlier.

I stroked the side of his face with the back of each hand. The shivers
rippled through him leaving small pimples on the flesh I could see. Greg
had a black patent belt that held up his shorts. I could see him look while
I touched its smooth texture. I pulled the longest strap through the loops
of the shorts till it was free with the buckle being the only part to
open. I was once again in the slow motion sequence. The belt pulled away so
that the brass hook that held it, opened. The button that held the shorts
together was golden in colour but easy to open. I turned off the main light
slipping the door lock so that no one would disturb the boy's request of
love.

 I opened my shirt then with no asking Greg was helping to take it off. I
slipped down my trousers but did not notice if he looked. I turned to Greg
seeing that his shorts had slipped down while he was helping me. I removed
the shorts. His boxers were dark but seemed to be cut to fit. I slipped
mine off and slipped under the covers. Greg was slow but that was
understandable. He did get in next to me but clearly he did not know that
this was going to be all part of the ritual that said I love you.

"Greg I have to know if it's going to be okay with you to take your boxers
off. That will leave you naked. Are you completely sure that this is what
you want?"

"Sir today has left me with a strange feeling. I did not know that a person
like you existed. I have seen the other masters but you are the best. I
have always believed that saying something to a man showed that I had
something wrong with me. The headmaster should not have shown you the
letter. Most of the boys know what sex is. To me sir it's just a word. In
the last 2 days I have done nothing except to get the feeling that I want
to hold you. I have been uncertain that if I did you may report me or
rebuke me, punishing me in front of the class. If they got to know just how
much I shake when you look at me. How I ache when you pay others
attention. Worst of all when you kiss another in my view even if it is
purely friendship. If the act of love between 2 people requires that you
have a need to take my boxers off then do it. It took all my courage to
write that letter, it's going to be even harder to allow my teacher to
teach me the act of love. Its what I want, after today I am yours. It will
be our special secret."

I touched the soft material that was his boxers. They slipped down with
perfection. Forget the knees, these followed the bones in the legs, over
the ankles until I was holding them in the air.

"Greg this is difficult for me but I do wish you had told me sooner."

"Sir sex between boys is something that does not happen in regular
conversation. We do not speak about it. I can now accomplish what I have
wanted in such a long time."

That was the moment when like bullets from a gun our lips hit each
other. We both were naked but at that moment that was secondary compared to
the kiss. No one could tell but our lips signalled the words we both could
not say or perhaps were not sure that it was the right time to utter. The
deep words of love were clear. It was as if I was on auto pilot. The kiss
although new to him was become easier for me. I was map reading every inch
of the boys skin feeling him enjoying the actions I were making. Magnetic
north? I no need wonder where that was on t map because the needle of the
boys body stood proud and true. I remember taking his boxers off and the
feeling of the material. His skin was feeling the same.

I was pleased that Greg did not look when I pulled the duvet back. He would
have seen the hand than was caressing the Young penis.  It had a sensation
like never before. I had been happy to hold other boys but each were
different. The boy shook when I started to increase my speed then gasping
while refusing to let go of the lips he was kissing. I slowed down to move
but it was to late. Greg shuddered while I watched him climax, the only
thing to escape from that moment as a sound of pure bliss. Greg tried his
best to get comfortable but just ended up on top of me his chin resting
upon his hands.

"Sir that was the greatest feeling that I ever had. Did you like doing that
to me?"

I never answered I watched his head lie back on my chest just before e was
asleep. I managed to squeeze my erection between his legs before falling
asleep myself. I dreamt that I was holding the smooth flesh or a boy while
telling him that I was his forever. I woke 5 time finding the boy in the
same place. It was on the last time I woke scared that what had come from
the subconscious was becoming real. Did I love boys? They say that if you
are told something often enough then you will believe it. The headmaster
had been the start. I was hugging Greg all night. And that's when I thought
it was true. Unlike Pip, Greg was still with me at early morning. It was
wonderful to help him up. I saw him in the sun. His shyness did him no
justice.

I got him back to his room wearing his boxers just as the first bell
sounded. Eric his room mate ran to get a hot shower.

"Sir I have to ask, was it the right thing that we did? For you to be with
me as it was for me being with you?"

There was a better way of putting it but I knew what he meant. I found some
red briefs that were in his drawer.

"Greg put these on and I think you will have the answer."

"Sir they are so small."

"Greg, I know."

The briefs did fit even if they were slightly to small but for the first
time I had an understanding with a boy that went far beyond just being his
teacher.

I got to breakfast early. I had to be told by the headmaster that my
attention span over my boiled egg consisted not of breakfast but of three
boys.

"Paul if the others get to think that you have favourites then your classes
wont be going as well as they are. Young Greg I hear, he was seen coming
from your room this morning. Sick or bad dream?  Do you know that I am
envious? You have all the attention? I hope that times are good for
you. You have class 4 for Art this morning. Just lets try not to have a
lesson on still art."

I made a quick comment of "Why not?"

"Paul I bet you would."

The class was quiet but clean I suggested that the boys carried on from the
last lesson. Pairs of boys moved their desks so that they faced one
another. The class had to draw each other while looking at the boy they had
chosen as a partner. I wandered around giving advice that was just
meaningless. All I did was recommend things that had been missed. I was
very hard with the way I looked yet the boys seem to appreciate it. In the
hour I managed to look at every boys work. I saw box faces then
cubism. Landscapes, even attempts at erotic stances which although no where
near the correct way, they did have a look of the cartoons that appeared in
some magazines. They did try to define nude but never managed the real
thing. I thought that if they had seen each other in the shower then they
would have been given an abundance of ideas to work with. They tried so I
could not fault their work.

My next class was with my own boys. I had the headmaster and some older guy
writing constantly throughout. The boys saw that I was becoming very
embarrassed. They gave me so much attention. I managed to find the book on
Peter Pan. This book was not on the preferred reading material but I used
it for a different reason. Being at this school the one thing that the boys
should never feel was loneliness. The story of the lost boys ended with
them being the ones that everyone noticed. I went on to say that when they
did leave school the jobs they did combined with the education would indeed
put them in a position to be admired and noticed.

"Excuse me. I am Mr Graham. I am with the board of governors. Might I ask
your class a few questions?"

"Of course. I will just do the marking from yesterday."

The man was quite a powerful speaker. He asked the children if they
believed the reasoning. His thoughts on Peter Pan were far from him being a
lost boy. The boys held a good argument. They drew different prospectus and
thoughts from the lesson leading to a good potential for further
teaching. The headmaster left a note.

"Paul if these boys glow any further then the rest of us will get the
sack. Pip is singing your praises. I do hope that it is not to much."

After the class I was in the staff room less than 2 minutes when 5 teachers
said that they had seen how wonderful I had attached myself to certain
boys. The old master that I may be taking over from sat with me.

"Paul when I was your age I had a special friends. I remember you much
younger. It was not allowed but it happened so a boy that was here ended up
as my, I do not need to go further. It's all changed now and boys are happy
to become friends with teachers. It's a role model for the young
things. I'm an old man but even I can see a number of the boys here shaking
when they are close to you. Be good to them Paul. Between you and I, in
your class there is a boy who plays the Clarinet. It's so plain to
hear. Since you have been here the child heart has lifted and his music
flow like a stream. The beauty of it is he has feelings just like a number
of others. If you find him treat him with love. Take him until the
crescendos and his collection of notes will be yours. We spoke with
sincerity Paul. I gave my word that his secret will stay with me. My one
piece of advice, if a boy shows you some affection please do not let the
others see that you want it. For an old man I can go on but your class has
only one boy that has no deep feelings for you. That is Victor. He comes to
see me. He and I listen to the classics. Stroke his ear then he will
understand that you are his friend. Just 2 days and the school is besotted
with you. Do stay with us. The school needs you, the teachers need you but
most of all the boys need you who had no one till you arrived."

That chat was all of 3 minutes. I was going to take gym with 2 classes next
so got ready to take them all on a run. I liked it; the sun was out so I
hoped it would be good for them.

30 boys were outside wondering what was going to happen. I told them , then
set off leaving them to either follow or panic. It was fun really they all
managed to keep up and running slow was not the normal way it would happen
for me.

"Breath deep boys. The fresh air will be good for your lungs."

The older boys started to stretch ahead of the younger ones so I stopped
them and paired an older with a young one. It was a good idea. Across the
field we ran all hand in hand looking like a giant wave. After 20 minutes I
stopped at a fence to allow each boy through then into the gym for a shower
that was longer than normal. The boys of each year showered separately but
today I told them all to shower together. I saw nothing in it. I watched
the young boys go red while the older soaped them quickly so that they
could get out. Yes I watched but it did not quite go as I explained. The
elder boy was joined with the young and he helped him clean then wash his
hair. No difference, all that I saw were boys of different ages washing and
talking. I think some actually made friends. We went to gym boys with
attitudes. They left boys who were actually the same. Older boys frowned
upon the younger yet here we all were laughing and joking without a care in
the whole school.

"You all did well. I will see if we can get a hot drink as we are early so
please be quiet and do not forget that others do have classes."

In the dining hall we all sat together with hot milk made especially by
cook. She got a great big thank you. We were still there when the others
came for lunch. I expected the boys to break up but they had all gathered
around 1 table with their drinks so they had lunch together.

"Paul I take it that table 4 is your doing?"

"No headmaster. We all have been running so after we had a drink to warm us
all up and it looks like they wanted each others company for dinner."

"Paul it is against the rules."

"What to have lunch with a friend?"

"Well I just hope that there are no comebacks. If there are then I will
hold you responsible."

He said that smiling. I had a feeling that maybe one day a week the boys
could have dinner with a friend. The teachers did not seem to like it so I
got up took my plate and asked the boys if there was a place for one large
one. I was surprised to see the oldest teacher who chatted with me join the
other end. Teachers eating with pupils? that was something never heard of
at the school before.

Eric reached across, "Does this mean that you are going to stay?" The table
went quiet. "Well that depends. I like running so we will see. Not everyone
likes running or doing gym for that matter".

My usual class were catching up on the essays I had set them at the start
of my visit. I managed to complete for the headmaster the reports on the
boys. I had to be careful that I did not make some boys report better than
others however I was completely honest.

At tea the messages were read early. The music class was right after tea so
all boys were to be there. I was not on duty that evening. I was in my room
wondering about my future. I could hear the singing combined with the boys
playing computer games and arguing who was the greatest footballer in the
world. I was sure that if I put that all together then I could write a play
for the west end. I even had the home grown talent for the music. It was
about 8pm when the last bell went. The boys at evening classes rushed to
get washed and ready. It was late when Eric came into see me with a mug of
Cocoa.

"Eric you have a wonderful voice."

"I sing a bit sir but I play the Clarinet."

My mind went back to the old man remembering what he had said.

"Eric close the door and come and talk to me for a minute. You wont get
into trouble. I will give you a pass to be up late."

"Have I done something wrong sir?"

"No Eric. I was talking to someone today who said that a boy liked me."

"Do I know him sir?"

"Well I was told he played the Clarinet."

"I spoke to Mr Parish in secret. He was the oldest so I thought he would
understand. He did and because he is leaving said he would take what I told
him to his grave."

"Eric I knew that you liked me but I did not know that it was a strong as
that. I will tell you that I am not angry. I think it's very sweet of
you. You even remembered to do your tie up the right way."

Oh that's nice sir. May I go now?"

"Eric I think that there is something wrong."

"Mr Parish did not tell you everything. I hid my feelings until Mr Parish
caught me. He is a nice man so I told him what was wrong. He said that you
would understand so I no need worry."

"I do understand."

"No sir I do not think you do. The day I carried your case you touched
me. I wanted to hold your hand then show you around. The lesson says that
love is something that happens to everyone. I was sure that something was
wrong. Every feeling the headmaster described I had was for you not for a
girl. I saw you with Pip then Greg. I wished that it was I. I did not plan
for this to happen it just did. The music teacher said my playing had a
whole new sound. No matter how hard I tried to change it the thought of you
made the notes sound like something very different. Mr parish said it
sounded as if I was in love. Please my feelings are not sweet they are for
you."

"Play for me Eric."

Looking at him the music echoed through the room, He gave me some music
then taking his clarinet played. I read his words.

Put your head against my life, what do you hear, a million words just
trying to make the love song of the year.

Close your eyes but don't forget what you have heard, the boy whose trying
to say three words, the words that make me scared.

Million love songs are made of, here I am trying to tell you that I care,
million love songs are made of, here I am, here I am, million love songs
are made of, and here I am.

Look into the future now, this is what I see, million chances pass me by,
million chances to hold you.

Take me back, take me back to where I used to be, hide away from all my
truths through the light I see.

Million love songs are made of, here I am trying to tell you that I care,
million love songs are made 0f, here I am, just for you love, million love
songs are made of, here I am.

A million love song are made of, and here I am.

The room was a different place. Eric finished playing with his head
bowed. The words and music replayed over and over in my mind. I watched him
replace the clarinet in its case then without a word he left. It was at
that moment the emotion hit me. I had just had a boy aged almost 12 play me
the truth that was inside him. I could hear some clapping while I sat not
knowing what to do.

I slept with a strange uneasiness that night to awake on my last day. I was
given my class for the day. My eyes wandered to each and every one. At one
time or another I was given a smile. I know I had to make up my mind but
this was going to be the hardest decision that I ever had to make. I
finished the reports for the headmaster and the boys all finished the
essays I set them. I was at tea when the messages were read out.

"Today is Mr Baxter's last day. On behalf of the boys we hope the short
time he has been with us has been happy and enjoyable. Mr Parish is also
leaving after 25 years."

The thunderous applause echoed through the dining hall with every boy
standing.

"Tonight we will be holding a concert for the teachers so good luck to them
both."

More applause.

The tidying was swift because a concert was not held very often.

At 6pm we all went to the hall that had been set up like a theatre. Mr
Parish and I had seats of honour. The governors and governess joined
us. The boys held a play that was very funny. The choir sang the theme to
The Snowman, Mr Parish was very happy. It was his special song and they had
been practising it behind his back. They had added some extra special notes
making it sound very special. The break was long enough for the top brass
to express their wishes that I would stay. The concert continued. Dancing
followed by the school song. It was a success. The Governors and other
dignitaries left while the national anthem was played. The headmaster spoke
to the boys telling them that they had done an excellent job. He left.

I was going to get up when the lights went down. The orchestra parted
allowing Eric with his Clarinet to enter the front of the made up
stage. Boys of every year were either side of him. The eldest was
Raymond. He spoke.

"To all in the hall we have been thinking what we could do for the final
part of tonight's show. We have all got late passes from the headmaster to
do this so I guess it starts with me. Mr Baxter on behalf of my year we
want you to stay. You taught a bully how to become a human being and help
the younger boys. I do not think you remember but I was one of the boys who
ran with you over the fields. I was partnered with Billy, (He waved) we
want you to stay."

"Sir on behalf of my year please stay and teach us how to be happy with
lessons like you have with the others."

"Sir we had you for one lesson and you gave us some help but never stopped
us from doing what we loved. This is for you."

Two small boys brought a painting of me that the art class had done. It was
I. They all had done something to make it right. The picture was of me
running.

At the end Eric Pip and Greg stood forwards.

"Sir Pip Greg and I all wont know what to do without your
understanding. You know us and have our best wishes at heart we all send
our love that is something that no other teacher has commanded since
1854. You will never be forgotten but by staying you will never forget us."

I did not know if I was suppose to say something but it was Eric who raised
his Clarinet that did. The music was beautiful. Mr Parish whispered, "I
told you that he loves you."

At the end every boy shouted, "STAY<STAY."

I was drained also in tears.

"Boys this has been so wonderful. I have made that impression on you in 1
week? Please understand that it's a big decision. I will sleep on it then
at breakfast will tell you my answer. No matter what you have made me feel
very humble. Please just for me give yourselves the biggest clap you can.

I have seen very young children hop and skip there way to school or other
places when they are very happy. Here was I doing the same thing going to
my room. It seemed to take hours but I did not care. When I arrived I
poured a welcome cup of tea trying to relive the evening. I heard the boys
running to change making various comments about their performances. I
wanted so much to go and thank them individually. I wondered if I should
pack that evening or in the morning, after all I had said that I would talk
to the boys at breakfast time. I looked out of the small window across the
field. That would be something I would miss.

The noise that I had heard and been part of every evening subsided. The
last bell sounded. Final movements heard in the silence. The way they had
got this part of the days routine to run was a feat in itself. No boy
changed the way that things were done with the exception of the latecomers
all of whom had passes to be out at this time. I was undressed ready for
bed allowing the final sounds to diminish.

Knock knock.

"Come in."

"Sir I wanted to see you."

"Eric. You are suppose to be in bed."

"I have a late pass sir."

"Come in then. The tea is still hot, would you like a cup?"

"No thank you sir."

"Well what can I do for you?"

Eric closed the door placing his case that held his musical instrument
in. He was taking this very slow but I waited. I noticed that he was not
shuffling his feet and his dress was perfect. It did not look as if he had
been to school that day at all.

"Sir I am glad that you liked the way I played. You may not understand but
I meant every word and note. I know some boys have friends. I know that
some of them are teachers. Now you are on the brink of going I want to tell
you that you are the one who is in my mind all the time. I have been able
to do my work with such ease and it's all because of you."

I was beginning to feel very strange.

"I am here to ask you something. Would you before you go let me be your boy
for one day? I know that you may not feel like I do so I apologise if that
is the reason. I had to ask. Many boys go away from here being non the
better or worse. We are all told that if we have something to say its best
to say it before its to late. I guess that you think I am strange. I am
just being me. No one but you has ever made me feel like I do. It's
happened this last week. You have been here a week so it must be you."

"Eric I do not know what to say. You are very special."

"Then say yes, say I can stay."

"Yes."

Eric's smile could have stretched further than any smile should. I got a
coat hanger then started to remove his uniform. The jacket lay on the bed
while the tie and shirt he let me remove. Eric took the shoes and sock off
placing them under the chair so that they would not be tripped upon. He
stood in front of me with his small frame moving in and out. He had a belt
that seemed to be a giant elastic band. It was easily undone. His arms were
slow but they clasped around my neck. I never looked but the hook and zip
that held his trousers up came open. As he came close they fell like the
smallest branch from a tree. Each knee lifted out of the holes. He was
small enough to get closer and closer.

"Eric are you sure that you understand what is happening here?"

"Yes sir I know, do you?"

His eyes examined the answer by my expression. I ran my hand through his
hair allowing the tiny nail of my little finger to scrape his skull.

"Do you want me Sir? I am not like any of the others. I have never been
with anyone else but I have never been so sure that you are the one I hope
will be the first."

His body was filling out. The signs of puppy fat still could be felt. It
was the moment that I gave him the answer. Holding his face I kissed
him. Lips touched lips. It was real amateurish. But like all schoolboys he
quickly learned the lesson. I ran my fingers down his neck touching every
vein and undulation there was until my hands were resting upon his
shoulders.

Eric had begun to try and feel his way around. His fingers moved just as if
he were playing the keys of his Clarinet. I suppose I was making some
sounds but nothing his instrument could. He opened my dressing gown so that
his whole body could come into contact with mine. Tiny bone thrust against
me. Sounds that were a signature of love were released. I held his legs
moving up till the soft small material was between his most private part
and me. Moving him back he was happy to stand openly in a small pair of
purple briefs that had something growing in the front. Most young boys had
this but only to boy lovers did this become special to us both.

Pulling him back tight I whispered,

"Eric do you know what might happen if I take your briefs off and you
stay?"

"Sir I want you to take me. Be gentle. I have been told. I wanted to save
this for the special love of my life. I was told that I would be older yet
my mind saw you and I knew that waiting would be impossible."

I was holding a virgin boy who wanted to love a man. He could not have made
it any clearer. He could not have known my feeling being that I had just
discovered them with help. The boy was expressing his love and requesting
that he needed it.

"Sir, Paul. Do not be angry. This may be our only night together. Allow me
the love that you have deep inside. I want to be whole."

I stood up then slipped the cover from the bed. I lifted Eric upon the
mattress so that at last we were eye to eye.

"Eric if we do this then ..."

"Paul, I know. Do you think that I would ever want to share the greatest
moment of my life? I know it is illegal for you the headmaster told me. I
told him that I needed you. How do you think I got this late pass? Love is
a 4 letter word yet you and I could prove to each other that we have been
hiding what we both want."

I slipped his briefs down lifting them from the bed. I placed them on his
trousers. When I turned back Eric was laying on the bed openly smiling. The
moonlight shone over his body. Lights out I undressed to join the boy
nymph. Eric was on his knees saying a prayer. It was a strange thing to
see. I lie beside him till he was ready to allow his body to become part of
me. My hand got the chance to examine every part of him. His erection was
strong. No hairs just a boy machine built to pleasure. I was allowed to
kiss every part of him. I even got to take some juice from his lips with my
finger then coat the small pink hole opening and closing just like a dwarfs
letterbox. I was pushed back so that Eric could try his best to explore the
unknown parts of my body. His kissing was getting better each time. His
hands were quite rough; I took some cream then used my own hands to rub
his. They soon softened. He used his hand on my chest then moved down. I
had hold of him.

"Paul will you put it into me?"

"Eric I could not do that. I will hurt you."

"Paul its something that I want from you. Our love will not be complete
until we are one."

I turned him over wondering if I was going to do the right thing. A few
drips of cream saw his hole enlarge to suck the liquid in. I rested down
till my erection touched him. It was tight but like elastic gave way so
that I could start to go inside. Eric shuddered, I was pulling back but he
begged me not to. I was thinking that maybe another day was right for
this. It was to late. My weight gave way. The head was in. Eric bit the
pillow hard. I could see a tear fall down his cheek. One more time and I
was inside all the way. It was sudden yet a relief. I lay so still, hoping
Eric world not be hurt.

"Paul you are in me. It's so big. Lay with me."

I could feel his muscle hold me hard then soft.

"I love you Paul."

"Eric I love you to."

It was sudden but I could not stop. I know that it kept going and
going. Several sounds of appreciation echoed in my room. I was pulling out
when Eric shook from his toes to his head. I held round his waist. Just
like the drip falling from a leaf after the rain Eric came. I expected
nothing but he gave me all his saved fluid that had been gathering since
the day he decided that he wanted to be mine.

Together somehow we held each other tight. Eric had his man while the man
had his boy. I was awake all night. I stroked Eric getting to know every
inch of the boy. The light allowed me to see that apart from some
discolouration he was not harmed.

When you were young did you have a teddy bear? Well I did at that moment. I
called him Eric. I saw him naked. His beauty was something to behold. My
boy got his love while I got mine. I left him in bed explaining that after
my shower I would take a run.

"Paul have you made up your mind yet?"

"No Eric you have made it very difficult."

I went for the shower. I got back to find the bed empty. I hope that Eric
did not give me his love just to get me to stay. I took my shoes and headed
for the back door. Outside was almost 40 boys all dressed ready to run.

"What are you all doing here?"

"Sir this may be the last time we see you so we decided that we would go
running with you."

I ran slowly through the courtyard. The boys followed. As I passed my
window the tune from a Clarinet could clearly be heard. I think I was the
only one to see a half naked boy playing the sounds of love and happiness
that I stopped.

I got the boys all in a line then joined in at the centre. Together we
slowly ran covering the whole of the grounds. No one let go and we all came
running till we bumped into the headmaster.

"Mr Baxter glad to see that you are staying. That boy of yours sure can
play a wonderful tune. It was as if the school had won the greatest game of
all. The giant circle jumped up and down cheering while the tune from the
Clarinet sounded like the birds at the time when sun rises. Only I heard on
my first full day;

Put your head now you're my life, tell me what you hear A million boys to
tell you that, you're the love song of the year.  Close your eyes but don't
forget what you have heard The boy in your bed whose been trying to say
Those special three little words

Million loves songs are made from, that's what I'm trying to tell you Is
that I care.

So was it I who cared or was it the boys. I myself have just invited a new
master with a degree to join us. Being the Headmaster now I wonder if his
week will be like mine. Eric is a Music scholar and plays with a grand
symphony Orchestra. Greg he is the Manager of an Oil company but Pip well
he works on television. I have hard days but the school is still the best
you might send your son to. We are very selective.


Those who hear the ghostly tunes from a Clarinet are always welcome.



                                             The End.



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