Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005 18:28:58 +0000
From: dan janus <djanus@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Reflections

As I start this ,I also wonder if I will finish it.  I truly want too as I
have been thinking about doing this for some time now. This is not fiction
and what I write is true and will cover a span of time that begins at age
twelve with my first of may encounters with gay love and sex. I am 73 now
and over the years I have had many encounters with men , all of which I have
enjoyed. Some I have sought out , others have just happened . I should
state, right now, that I am, without a doubt, very much bisexual.  I have
had many more heterosexual relationships than I have had homosexual and have
love every minute of both worlds.

I love pussy but I also enjoy cock and have actively, at times sought out
the men who have provided me with much enjoyment. Only one, to my knowledge,
expressed any real love for me and that was the pedophile that provided me
with my first experience of being pleasured by a male. His adoring love of
me and my young body will always be remembered as probably the greatest
sexual pleasure in my life.  To this day, there has never been anyone, male
or female, that could bring out the total pleasure of having your body
completely stimulated and kept in ecstasy as he always did for me every time
I was with him. During this past year I have thought about him and what he
was able to do to me and it still continues to make me wish for that kind of
experience again. I know that it is wishful thinking as I am no longer that
cute "little boy" that he took so much time with and insured my complete
surrender in sexual pleasure. I re-live it over and over again in my mind as
that days pass. I shall now try and give you a mental image of  our times
together.

It began on a weekend in which I had asked my mother to let me stay with him
as I thought he was really a cool guy. I had no idea that he was gay much
less a boy lover. My mom thinking it would be fun for me as he was going to
take me to the Zoo, the Smithsonian and several other place in Washington ,
D.C.. I was looking forward to a fun filled weekend and the adventure of
staying overnight with someone that seemed to really like me.  I met him at
the department store that he and my mom worked at on Friday afternoon. I
said good by to my mon and off we went following the usual admonishment to
"behave myself". He lived in an apartment in Georgetown and during those day
we took the streetcar to his neighborhood.  As I recall it was a trendy,
upscale area of D.C. even at that time.  As we made our way to his place we
stopped at the grocery store for milk and some O.J. and also at the ice
cream parlor for a cone. I vividly remember walking the sidewalk eating the
cone feeling good and very happy. In those day there was no Television ,
only the radio with big band music and short story programs like the Lone
Ranger, The Shadow and others of the same menu.

He turned on the radio and I listened to it as he went into the bathroom to
shower. He cam out of the shower naked and walked into the room. I looked at
him as this was the very first time I had ever seen a grown man naked. I had
seen other boys that way at the YMCA on Saturday but never a grown man. He
asked me if it made me uncomfortable and I quickly replied , "no, it did not
bother me at all".  I am not sure ,but I think with that answer in some way
communicated to him that I was safe to play with. He dried himself and made
sure that I was able to see everything he wanted me to see. He than put on a
robe and sat down next to me on the sofa and we talked about different
things, like school, friends , etc.. Around 8 o'clock he asked me if I
wanted to shower before we went to bed. I said yes and began taking off my
clothes getting ready for the shower. Although, I did not see anything that
would make me think that this excited him I now know that it did. He did not
touch me at all but just sat watching as I went into the shower. When I
finished showering and got out he was there with a towel, that he must have
warmed in the oven, to dry me off and he did . It felt so good, so warm that
I was completely y relaxed. He let me get into the bed and I just laid there
looking out the window at the stars and the night sky. Soon he was in the
bed with me and I noticed he had no clothes on and when I ask him about it
he told me he always slept nude. I thought that was pretty cool and I told
him how we swan at the Y every Saturday in the nude. He asked me if I
enjoyed it and I told him yes. He than asked me if I wanted to try sleeping
in the nude with him and I jumped at the chance. A 12 year old being naughty
and it seemed like fun so off came the PJ's and for the first time I felt
the heat of another body next to mine. I laid there thinking about the
evening and how good it was and how relaxed I was. Then the evening really
started.


As I started to drift off I felt his hand begin to feel my chest and he
asked me if it was OK and if it felt good. I told him it did and I was
enjoying the feelings. Soon his hand was rubbing my neck, my little tits ,
under my arms and along my side moving all the time down to my legs. He
continued rubbing my legs , my feet and then begin to move  along the inside
of my legs, my thighs and very slowly he found my little dick which by now
was beginning to show a little hard on. Completing the front he asked me to
roll over and again his hands started their travels.  I remember that his
hands were soft and he was very gentle and slow in all his movements and my
whole body was tingling and in a very high state of erotic tension. I did
not realize that was what it was, at the time, but I knew that everything he
did made me feel great and all I wanted to do was lay there and enjoy his
touches and  all of the sensations that were being elicited by them. I must
have known that what was happening was not right but I really did now care
much because I was feeling such great sensations and pleasure. Again he want
over my front only this time spending a little more time touching my dick
and balls. Always gently and always softly. The heat he generated in me was
tremendous. I t was so great that to this day I have never felt those same
sensations. It was not hurried , but time was taken and the results were
long lingering. Now it was time for him to really let me experience the part
that would haunt me forever, even  to this day.


As I lay there enjoying everything thinking things could never get better he
began to give me what he referred to " as a tongue bath". That meant that
everything he had done with his hands was now going to be done with his
tongue. It became over whelming and almost more than I could stand . I soon
adjusted to the feel of his tongue and mouth going over every inch of my
body , and I do mean every inch. As he moved he would gently kiss places and
gently bite me as he moved around. When he started to tongue my nipples and
gently bite them I was overcome with passion and my little cock began to
throb. I never wanted it to end. I was in total extasecy and I did now want
him to stop. But stop he did, and moved on the rest of me. He covered my
stomach, my naval, and then rolled me over and started at my feet , worked
his way up to my little ass and I soon felt the tongue licking and probing
my little hold. Good, Oh yes, yes and again I did not want it to end . He
flipped me over and then I felt his entire mouth swallow my little cock and
balls. I blew, I couldn't help it, I just came and came again thinking that
this had to be the greatest night of my entire young life. Soon I began to
come down for that very erotic high I had been on for well over an hour.
When I opened my eyes he was kneeling next to me and asked me if he could
continue to rub my thigh. I didn't know why but of course I said yes. I then
  watched him as he rubbed my thigh and masturbate himself. Somehow that
also left and impression on me.


The next day, Saturday, was spent sightseeing around D.C. with one of his
friends , who I am now sure, did not want me to be with them. I am now sure
that he was his boyfriend and he saw me as a rival, or thought his friend
would get into all kinds of trouble if I decided to tell my mom about what
had happened the night before. Little did his friend  know that I would
never say a thing to anyone for some 50 years and even then not under my
real name. Saturday night came and after having dinner at a restaurant we
walked around Georgetown enjoying the warm summer evening. I wanted bed time
to come and I could hardly wait for the night's happenings. Rather than
repeat everything just let me say that it was even better than the night
before. Another night of intense erotic play . One thing was different ,
however, and that was that when it came time for him to masturbate I reached
out and touched his cock. It startled him and at first he did not want me to
touch but I insisted as I wanted to know what his manhood felt like. He
relented and for the first time I felt a hard cock. It was good, and I
enjoyed playing with it but I never thought about sucking him. . I often
wonder  what would have happened if I had. It might have well changed my
life, I really don't know. I continued to see him very often after that
weekend up until we moved from D.C. sometimes he would let me play with his
cock until he came. I will never forget the intensity of his orgasm and the
cum spurting out in gobs. I was completely amazed by watching it happen and
to know I could make it happen for him.  From that time on I had no further
experience with gay sex until I was a teen. I did, however, have girl
friends and I  found that they also could be exciting and give me pleasure.
I will not relate those times because this is about my gay life and not my
hetero life.


As I previously stated , there was no further contact with male sex until my
teens. On night I was walking home from football practice after school and
the evening darkness had started to take over.  I was  walking along the
side of the school and another student came up to me and wanted to know
where I was  going.  I had seem him around the school but had no idea who he
was.  I told him I was heading  home. He asked me what grade I was in and I
told him I was a freshman and was trying to make the junior varsity football
team. He walked along with me and we were just chatting like a couple of
teens might do.  He asked me if I liked sex, and I replied, "doesn't
everyone?" He stopped and looked right at me and asked, " would you like to
have a blow job."




For a moment I was stunned, but I quickly recovered and answered him in the
affirmative.
He told me to follow him and walked a bit further and then stepped into the
shrubs that lined the building wall. I followed and as I went into the
bushes I began to grow hard in anticipation of what was to come. No sooner
had I got into the shadows of the shrub I felt his hand going for my crotch.
  He unzipped me and his hand sought and found my hard cock. Out it came and
like a greedy hungry child it went into his mouth and the sensation was
great. The feel of the night air on my balls and the heat of his mouth and
tongue swirling soon had me on the brink. I held it as long as I could and
when I came it was tremendous. He drained me and kept sucking and licking
until I could take it no more. It was a great blowjob and  I left him being
completely satisfied with the event of the evening. That was our only
contact. After that night we would occasionally see each other but we
strictly avoided contact. To this day I am not sure why, but that is just
the way it was. There was not further contact with men for sex until about
five years later. I became more the macho man and pussy became the driving
force.  I joined the military ,Navy, and soon found myself in the Marines
with the first division in Korea. There was not much time to think  about
sex and when we did it was directed mostly at the Korean Girls. Only when I
returned to the USA did I once again find myself involved with males.


For the most part these encounters were just that, encounters. Quick blow
jobs in a mens room, after a night of drinking. It seems that these occurred
after failing to find a woman for the night and having some gay man approach
me as I walked down Market street in San Francisco. If they indicated that
they wanted my cock, I gave it to them. Simple as that. A quick orgasm and
then on my way again. I must have really been a selfish bastard during those
times.
I was stationed at the NAS Alameda. Oakland and SF became my playground. Out
the gate , into the locker club for civies and then on to the town for a
night of play. Of course, one look at your head and everyone knew you were a
sailor or marine on liberty. Everyone also knew that you were  looking for
sex ,and it would come to you if you made yourself available.. I am not sure
how the men knew that I could be had and that for me sex was sex. No
commitments, no long term relationships. Just sex.  During this period I had
many quickies sometimes two to three times a week.. It was also during this
time that I did establish a fairly one sided relationship with a young navy
medic. It lasted for a bout two months and could have possibly been longer
had he not gotten shipped out to another station.


I never thought of myself as being bisexual because I never had the urge to
fondle a male or actively participate. I just had the orgasm and let it go
at that. One of my duty nights, that I had to stay on base ,one of my
friends told me about this medic that gave great body rubs for $10.00. I
remember him telling me that there was a no funny business just a great body
rub. I didn't think much about it until about two weeks later when I again
had to stay on base. I decided to call him and see if he could work me into
his schedule that evening. He told me no but if I could make it the next
evening he would seem me at nine. I said OK and was looking forward to the
rub.


I arrived at the sick bay and ask for Tom. He really didn't look old enough
to be in the service. His hair was light brown and his build was on the
small side. He looked very much like a mama's boy. Red cheeks and all. He
showed me to a room that had a massage table and told me to get undressed,
lay on the table with a towel across my butt and he would return in a
moment. I followed the instructions and when he returned I was on the table
,laying on my stomach with the towel draped on my butt. He was not much of a
talker and so after telling me that it would take about 30 to 45 minutes he
started doing his thing. First came the warm oil on my back and then his
hands began to rub my shoulders and back with real professional movements. I
began to relax and closed my eyes to enjoy the sensation of my muscles
relaxing. As his hands moved down my back I began to feel warm all over. Up
and down, round and round,  soft hands with a professional touch. I was
about to drift off in to slumber land when he went from my back to my legs.
The total sensations were really engulfing me totally. Up until this time I
had no thoughts of sex only the total relaxation from the easing of tensions
within my body. When he started on my legs, however, erotic thoughts began
to pass through my mind and I began to wonder if he was gay. His expertise
with his hands , however, soon made all such thoughts pass and I was back
into total relaxation.  He related to me that he was done with the basic
massage. I  I paid him and started to leave but lingered and talked with him
a bit. I asked him where he had learned his skill and for how long he had
been doing massages. He told me he had learned it from his uncle and the had
been doing it for about 2 years. I told him that he didn't look old enough
to have been doing it that long.  I then learned that he was 22 years old.
Surprised! You bet. I returned several time and we became friends. We went
on liberty together and became fairly close. Although he never made a pass
at any of the girls in the bars , he did talk with them and on occasion
danced with them.  For the next four or five months I continued going weekly
for his wondrous massaged. After about five months he stopped charging me
for them. I would try to pay him and he would refuse. He told me I was his
only real friend on the base and it was his pleasure to make me feel good
and that was all the pay he needed. Now things began to change and he was
much more open with me and we truly enjoyed being friends.


As usual, I continued to go for the weekly and it was always great. One
night, however, he told me that he wanted to give me a very special total
body massage. He said that he never did them for anyone else and that if I
did not like any part of it just tell him and he would stop. I asked him
what was so special about it and he told me that if he told me it would not
be special. He told me to get undressed and get on the table as usual. On
this time he stayed in the room as I got naked and up on the table. I knew
something was going on but I didn't think too much about it at the time. He
started out in the usual way with my back and the warm oils. When he got to
my lower back he gabbed the towel and dropped it on the floor and began to
rub the cheeks of my butt. Felt good ,but different as his fingers ran along
the crack of my ass and across my little hole. I about jumped of the table
it felt so good. He stopped and asked if things were OK and I told him to
just keep going. That he did, rubbing my cheeks down into the inner thighs
and down to my feet. As his hands move back up to my thighs I felt his soft
hands touch my ballsac as he mad his way up along the cheeks. He looked at
me and said that I had a cute bubble ass. WE both laughed at that and he
continued to bring me to erotic pleasure. Here I was laying on a table and
having a man's hand moving across my body in the same way that so many years
earlier had been a man's tongue. I found myself unable to avoid the outward
sign of such erotic thoughts and my cock began to grow. Of course, I was on
my stomach and he could not see my cock and my reaction to all his touches
and movements. Just when I thought I would loose it he stopped and leaned
over and whispered in my ear to turn over. I was embarrassed . But I
complied knowing that now he would know I was having thoughts of a sexual
nature. As I rolled over My 5  cock was standing proudly at attention. He
looked but did not say anything as he began to rub my chest and , shoulders,
arms and down towards the little pole. He went all around it without
touching it and I was , by this time, going nuts. I knew I was going to cum
and I could not hold it back as I felt it begin to throb. He said nothing,
but he bent over and engulfed me in his mouth as I came and came. God, what
an intense orgasm. After drinking me dry and cleaning of my dick he raised
up and asked me if I was OK. For a moment I did not know what to say or how
to answer him. Finally I looked hin in his eyes and told him I was OK but
surprised.  He then told me that he had known he was gay every since he had
shared hi feelings with his uncle, but that he had kept is a secret so he
could serve in the navy. I assured him that his secret was safe with me and
the as far as I was concerned he was still my friend and always would be. He
also accepted the fact that I liked girls and that I would not reciprocate
in kind. That was OK with him and on may occasions when we had a weekend
liberty and I had no girl we spent the nights together in a hotel room . On
such occasions I got very little sleep as he loved to rub me all over and
suck me off. Sometimes I felt really bad as I could not bring hin the same
pleasure he brought to me. We both knew that at some point it would have to
end as we would be going in different directions.
One weekend, as we lay in bed, he told me he had gotten orders and was to go
to Korea with the Marines as a combat medic. It scared me, as I had been
there and it was not a good place to be. That night he told me I was his
best friend that he had ever had and that although he knew it was hard for
me at times , he really loved me and did not want to go. I held him close as
he cried and told him that he was also my best friend and that when he got
back we would go out and really celebrate. He went to Korea and he wrote me
almost every day , but sadly he did not come back. I ached for a long time
knowing how much he had love me and how much he had cared. At times I often
wondered what would have happened if he had returned and ask myself if my
entire life might have taken a different path. I truly don't think it would
have ,but it will always remain an unanswered question. At least , my
experience with him had made me begin to question myself as to how I really
felt about gay sex. Up to this point it had been just great blow jobs,
fantastic orgasms with no participation on my part other than to supply a
hard dick.  Another incident really drove home the point that I needed to
think more about my feelings and what I had been doing.



This incident happened about a year and a half later. By this time I was an
old salt with stripes on my arm and facing a major decision about making the
service a career or getting out and living as a normal human being. I had
been drinking very heavy and was wondering down Market with only the though
of another drink. I was so drunk I wasn't sure where , or in which
direction, my hotel was.  I had stopped to lean against the building to take
stock of things when this young man approached me and asker if he could help
me. I laughed and told him I was lost and needed to get to my hotel. He
hailed a cab and took me back to the hotel just off the corner of Union
Square. He took me to my room and I just flopped on the bed and passed out
About 3 or 4 in the  morning I woke up and felt this body next to me. For a
few moments I could not remember the event of the previous evening. I had to
piss and had one of those good piss hard ons, so I got up found my way to
the bathroom and relieved myself. I got back to the bed and the heat from
the young man's body began to arouse me. I feigned sleep and rolled over in
such a was that my now hard cock touched the cheek of his ass. He woke up
rolled over gabbed my cock and begin to pay. I let him have his way and soon
I had another blowjob with a great orgasm. Following the sex he got up put
his clothes on and as he walked out the door he turned to me and said," You
should try it , you might find you like it" . He left me hanging but he also
mad me again seriously evaluate myself. His comment had truly shaken me and
as I got dressed in th morning I looked into the mirror and affirmed to
myself that I was not Queer. Thus began the long dry spell. I did not allow
myself to indulge in any more male sex for many many years. Six children and
two wives later I knew I was straight.


It was not until I was in my mid fifties that the thought of sex with males
begin to enter into my mind.  Thinking about the past  these thoughts and
images  began to come to the fore front and I began to realize that I missed
that part of my life. I was no longer the cute young man that had been
desirable. I had become middled aged, with a little pot and a few gray
hairs. I wondered if any male would hit up on me so on one of my business
trips to New Orleans I made a special effort to find myself in the Gay
section at the end of Bourbon Street. I sat in the bars watching the action
and realized , for real, that  I was out of touch im many ways. I found
myself drinking way too much. I chatted with some of the men but no one
seemed interested in some old guy from out of town. I went back to my room
depressed and guilty. Depressed,  because no one had seemed to take an
interest and guilty because I was afraid to allow my self to be assertive in
any form. When I arrived in my hotel I was very Horney. I had just enough to
drink that my body was wanting some form of sexual activity. I sat there
thinking and ,eventually, made the biggest decision of my life. I decided
that I wanted to try and suck a cock. I wanted to know what it felt like and
most of all I wanted to know if it would turn me on in the same way that
eating pussy had always done. I preceded to telephone an escort service and
when they asked me what type of lady I would enjoy I replied that I wanted a
young man. Thus, my fate for the evening was sealed. For the first time in
my life I was going to be the aggressor in a male to male contact.


It took about an hour for the young man to arrive at my door. When he
knocked I began to tremble as I now had to face the music or chicken out. I
went to the door and looked through the peep hold and I saw this young man
with a bicycle helmet and shorts. I opened the door and he entered and
removed his helmet. He asked m e for the money and I gave him the agreed
upon price. He asked me what I wanted and I told him I wanted to suck his
cock. I also told him I had never done it before. He smiled at me and
removed his clothes and got on the bed. I removed my clothes and joined him.
I began to rub his body and it felt food. I tonged his tits and that also
seemed natural. Now the big one. I reached for his cock and it had grown
into about 6  inches. I played with it for a few minutes and then bent my
head to take it in. At first I took only the head and the taste of his pre
cum was good. I licked it and then began to move up and down on it
eventually getting it all in. I knew he was getting close as he began to
fuck my face bucking his hips and making moaning sound. Suddenly I felt it
begin to swell and I knew he was going to cum. Now, another decision, Keep
it in or get it out before he came. I kept it in and let it happen and it
was not bad. A wee bit bitter but not bad. After he came he put his clothes
on and left just as fast as he could get out the door. I lay there on the
bed looking out the window at the beginning dawn. I had finally done it and
realized that I liked it and that I would most certainly do it again if
given the chance. The chance did not come until about a year later when an
adult book store and arcade opened in a city about 50 miles from where I
lived.



On my way back home from another meeting I drove by and decided to stop and
see what it had to offer. I went in a and looked at the various displays of
books, magazines, and toys and then got three dollars of quarters and headed
back to the arcade. I went in the room and shut the door and sat in the
chair to start watching some porn movies. I noticed the hole in the wall but
paid no attention and began to drop quarters and watch whatever came on the
screen. Soon I began to change the channels to get a better idea of the
various films I could watch. Up pops a gay flick with two guys sucking and
eventually fucking each other in the ass. I watch it for a while and thought
about the many gay experiences I had and especially the NO first suck.  As I
sat there I heard the door to the next booth open and the chair being moved
then the quarters being dropped into the slot. I sat there , afraid to move,
for the fear of being discovered. Soon my curiosity began to take over so
very quietly I leaned forward and looked through the hole. All I could see
was a man standing up with his pants down and his dick in his hand fondling
himself. I was fascinated, His cock was not large, about four inches , but
it was thick. I am sure he did not know I was watching him but he turned and
stuck his cock through the hole. At first I just looked at it and then I
reached out and touched it . He pushed it in further and soon I was on my
knees sucking this strange cock. He came, pulled up his pants up and left.
Shortly after that I also left.

  It seems strange to me at, times, that I never felt any guilt about any of
my contacts and that I enjoyed each of them. I guess that I have , over the
years, become very comfortable with being a bisexual male.  Time and the
effects of aging have taken their toll. I have over the past 10 years had
Open Heart Surgery,. Colon Cancer, hearing loss and various other maladies.
They  have certainly had an effect upon my sex life.  I can no longer get a
hard on. I have this little limp dick that just hangs there and when sucked
will still cum and give me a great orgasm For awhile I tried shots that I
gave to myself. They worked for a couple of years but after that, nothing.
For the most part none of the males that I have run into want to suck this
very limp cock. One of the problems of the aging homosexual or bisexual man.
I now live in a very small town where homosexual contact is not available
and very definitely not tolerated. I now travel, about once a month, to a
larger city some 80 miles away and visit the three video arcade stores
located in the city. It has worked for me very well during the past four
years. For the most part it is I who have to be the aggressor ,although on
very rare occasions I will find someone that wants to share and will suck me
as I have sucked him. It is rare but it has happened. I no longer use to
quarter booths , but instead use the preview rooms. These room are really
designed for two people but all the signs say "only one person to a booth.".
Nobody seems to pay much attention the them and move freely from booth to
booth. At any rate, I prefer the preview over the quarter booths. I always
pick a movie and take it to the counter, pay my five dollars, and go to the
assigned booth.

I generally prepare myself so I can play with my dick and rub and fondle my
tits. My tits are very sensivity and when I rub them, pinch then gently of
just fondle them it makes my dick throb a bit even though it is soft . I
will often open my pants so anyone looking in the door can see that I am
open for play. Some will come in but when that see the limp dick they leave.
Other will come in and try to fondle it hoping it will rise a bit but
nothing happens so they leave.  A few come in join me in the play time. They
will remove their pants ,open their shirts and actively seek to give and
receive pleasure. The last one to do this was an older man in his fifties.
He came in saw that I was interested in him and sat on the bench next to me.
Very shortly after entering, he stood up, dropped his pants and began to
play with himself. Immediately I stood, dropped my pants and took off my T
shirt and began to play with my tits. Soon I reached over took his dick in
my hands and begin to stroke. It never got real hard but rather stayed in a
semi erect condition. I fondled his  dick and at the same time maintained my
titty play. I was really getting horney.  He leaned over and started
tonguing and gently biting my nipples and it was driving me wild. My mouth
was watering and I knew I wanted to taste his cock so I bent over and took
him in. He felt good, with his knob being twirled by my tongue his shaft
being funked by my mouth and throat. While I sucked him he continued to rub
my tits, play with  my nipples and I wanted him to cum, but he stopped me
and asked me I my little dick could cum in his mouth. I told him yes and
stood up so my cock could get to his mouth. He began to savor my cock as if
he had not had any for some time. It felt so good to be sucked. I played
with my tits and soon I was on the brink and told him I was getting ready
which made him suck even harder. I came and came, I was completed sated. I
sat down , breathing hard, and began to relax. While doing so I took his
cock in hand and reciprocated by sucking him off . We stayed in the booth
together until the movie ended, both feeling good. I think to this day he
and I were a lot alike with our dicks that would not get hard. Both great
full that we had found someone who would not reject us but who could enjoy
what the other had to offer. Maybe we will run into each other again. I hope
so.


Now I shall bring this to conclusion and relate to you the events that
brought about this thesis. I had gone , this past weekend, to the arcade
hoping to have a little male sex. I rented a movie went to my usual booth
and did my usual thing. Soon the door opened and this head poked around the
corner and looked in. Just as quick that it has opened it closed. This
happened about five time within the next half hour. I knew it was the same
person as I could see his face. The last time he opened the door I waved for
him to come in. He came in sat on the bench and took out his cock. It was a
big one, about 7" I would think. I played with it and he reached over to
feel me and fondled me for just a short time. Then put his cock away and
left. He cam back three or four more times and I motioned for him to come in
again. Replay, out comes his cock his hand moves up and down his massive
shaft with me watching and wanting to taste that dick. I took it in hand and
bent over to take it in my mouth and he jumped up and left. I am not sure
why he left other than he definitely did not want his dick sucked by me.
Maybe he had a date for another time and didn't want to cum then. For
whatever reason I did not get his big dick in my mouth.

As I started home I began to think about it and came to the conclusion,
even though I will continue to go about once a month I won't get much
action. I have to accept that maybe I am too old to be out there looking for
cock to suck and people to suck me. If that is true so be it, and I will
adjust to once again being a non-participant and only an observer. One thing
I do have is a whole lot of good memories, a lot of different life
experiences and if I am lucky a few good cums left. I truly hope that I have
not board you with all this but rather have stimulated some thinking about
yourself and the things that you might want to reach out for to expand your
horizons. The aging process continues and its effects cannot be altered no
matter what we think when we are young.

THE END