Date: Sun, 10 Apr 2016 18:28:02 +0100
From: tpickles <tpickles2@gmail.com>
Subject: Toby - Chapter 16

TOBY'S SECRET JOURNAL

After working on Thai Pan for a few months, I'm picking up Toby's story
again. Here's the next chapter. If you're new to the story, I suggest you
start at the beginning. The complete Volume 1 is now available as a digital
download in various formats for your Kindle, e-reader or computer. I make a
donation to Nifty from each download. To check out this and other e-books
about gay teen boys, just go to
https://payhip.com/tompickles


................ Chapter 15 of Toby's Journal ended like this .................

Wow, what an amazing first 2-3 months in Bangkok. I've just re-read all my
first journal to remind myself of the highlights:

(1)  I've really got into exploring gay sex – online, with the masseur,
with Chakri, and now with Mack. And I've told other guys that I am gay and
I do like guys.

(2)  I've discovered what I really enjoy most: watching other boys; my body
being touched by a guy; my own big cut cock; lots of bums and ass-holes;
older boys; Thai boys; being quite strong and dominant.

(3)  Being dominant. Hmm, that's been an interesting discovery. I've
noticed with Chakri that I'm becoming more forceful, taking the lead and
making him do things. I've enjoyed slapping his ass and giving him
commands. I like being in charge with another boy like that. But then with
Boy and with Mack, I let them take charge.

(4)  I've had my first fuck. Wow! I definitely want to fuck more guys'
asses. I love that feeling of sliding up into Mack's ass, and then pumping
my load in there.

(5)  And there are so many opportunities opening up before me. What more do
I want to do with Chakri? Will I ever be able to fuck his boy ass? I really
fancy Boy, and next week we're going to meet up together for an afternoon
at Tom's condo. What's going to happen there? Plus, next week, I've
arranged an innocent appointment with Charlie, the assistant teacher from
my school, who's been chatting with me online without knowing that it's me.
I really want to try and make something happen with him.

(6)  What should I tell dad, and when? He's so involved with his new
girlfriend. I don't want to tell him `cos he might tell me to stop. And I
do want to tell him because this seems so important. I don't know what to
do.

I guess that will all start to work out in my second journal.


CHAPTER 16

I've just flicked through my first journal and re-read some of the entries.
Back in England, I think I must have been quiet naοve as a boy, not really
knowing about sex and stuff, even though I spent a lot of time looking at
other boys like Carl and having fantasies about them. But since Dad and I
have come out here to live in Bangkok, my `education' has really taken off.
Looking at the length of the entries in my journal, I must have been really
excited by the visit to the massage shop, and by discovering the online
chat function on GayRomeo. And I've made some really great friends,
particularly with Chakri and hopefully soon with Boy. The international
school is great and my life seems very adventurous. It must be the thrill
of the Orient!  Ha-ha. I can't wait to see what excitement is going to fill
this new, second journal.

I ended my last journal with a detailed description of the weekend that we
spent at a posh hotel in Kanchanarburi. Dad had taken his girlfriend
Chanita for a `romantic weekend'. He didn't want to leave me at home on my
own, so he'd suggested I come along with a school-friend. Chakri had jumped
at my invitation. We'd had a really great time together in our luxury
bedroom and spa-bathroom. Wanking off together on the bed and in the shower
had been fun. And the highlight for me had been when we got friendly with
Mack, our room steward. He'd visited us secretly on the last evening and
we'd all had a great time together. Mack had some stories to tell that
involved other hotel guests. Then Chakri got fucked in the ass by Mack. And
– amazingly – Mack got me to fuck him at the same time. My first fuck!!! It
was awesome.

This weekend away had one final twist. I didn't have space to write it at
the end of the last journal.

We drove home from Kanchanarburi on the Sunday afternoon. Dad went to
Chakri's house first and dropped him off. We agreed to call each other in
the week and meet up some more. He'd winked at me as he said this. Then we
drove back to our house. I'd expected Dad to take Chanita back to where she
lived, but it turned out that she wasn't due at work until later on Monday,
and so they'd decided to spend another night together. Their `romantic
weekend' must have gone really well, huh!

I came down for breakfast on Monday around 9.00. Dad had already left as he
has to be at work much earlier. It was the first week of the school
holidays so I didn't need to be anywhere. I helped myself to juice and
cereal, and Non offered to cook my some fried food. I was just wondering
what to do with the day when Chanita appeared and took at seat at the
breakfast table. She was very friendly with me, asking how I'd enjoyed the
weekend, whilst Non set about making her a Thai breakfast.

"What are you planning to do today, Toby?" she asked, "Are in a hurry to
get off?"

"No. No plans for today. But tomorrow I've arranged to see one of my
teachers to thank him for all the help he's given me settling in.  We've
got him a small thank-you gift."

"Oh, that sounds very thoughtful of you. I'm sure he'll appreciate that.
That's the sort of thing that Thai people like." She drank some of her
juice and helped herself to some fruit. "If you've got a few minutes, there
were a couple of things I was going to mention to you." She sounded a
little more hesitant.

"Sure – fire away!"

"Well ... I'm sure you've noticed that your Dad and I have been spending
quite a bit of time together. And we both really enjoyed this weekend
together." She stopped and looked away for a moment. "I suppose what I want
to say is ... I don't know how you're feeling about that. You and your Dad
have lived together for so long, and then I just show up. He told me he'd
not really had another girlfriend since your mum left and that was a long
time ago. I guess it must be very strange for you to see your Dad, you
know, with someone else."  She stopped, clearly a little awkward at the
territory we were in.

"Um ... No, it's OK ... I mean, I'm sure Dad feels lonely sometimes. And he's
in a new country away from his old friends. Sometimes I've seen him looking
at other people. I think if he wants to start a new relationship that's
fine."

"Thank you for saying that, Toby. I know we've chatted and stuff when I've
come to the house before, but we've never really talked about me and your
Dad. I want you to know that I don't want to be any kind of `second mum' to
you. I hope we can be friends and that we can enjoy doing things together –
you, me and your Dad – but I don't want to do anything that will interfere
with your relationship with your Dad. And if you see me doing something
that's upsetting or inappropriate, I'm asking you to tell me – so I can try
and change my behaviour."

I nodded. "OK – I'll try. But so far, it seems OK to me."

"Good. And can I ask you one more question?" I nodded. "Do you mind it when
I stay here for the night? I mean ... when your Dad and I spend some time
together like that?" I think she was quite embarrassed to be asking this
question.

I'd thought about my Dad having a sex life. Sometimes when I'd been
wanking, I'd wondered about my Dad doing the same thing in his room. And I
knew that when they spent the night together – at home and at the hotel
over the weekend – they were probably having sex together. But it's not the
kind of thing you do too much – imagining your parents actually doing it.
To be honest, I was a bit uncomfortable in giving her an answer. "Err, I
don't mind. I mean ... if Dad has a girlfriend then that's what he's going to
do, isn't he? And you're very easy to be with. I can see you like spending
time together. If you stay over here with Dad, that doesn't bother me at
all."

"That's very adult of you Toby," she said, with some relief. "I don't want
to upset you or get in the way. I can see that you're a pretty mature boy."
By this time Non had brought her some coffee and a bowl of noodles. "There
was something else I was going to mention. This time it's me who's feeling
very awkward about it. And I may have got the wrong end of the stick. If I
have, please just tell me. I might just be imagining something that isn't
really there. Please tell me if I'm completely wrong about this."

As she hesitated, I got increasingly anxious. What was she going to come
out with? All I could say was, "What?"

"I have a younger brother. I love him very much. We grew up together and
we've always been close. He's a few years younger than me. His name is Lek.
Anyway, one day, when he was at high school, he came home and told me he
was gay. You probably know already that in Thailand, especially in the
cities, being gay is no big deal. Since then, he's had a few boyfriends and
I've met some of them."

I sat very still. I was very nervous about where this was going.

"Anyway ... Maybe one day you will get to meet Lek. I think you might like
him ... But what I'm really trying to say is ... I couldn't help noticing over
the weekend how Chakri was around you. I've seen something similar in some
of Lek's friends. Chakri really likes you. I could see him looking at you
all the time. And ... if I'm honest ... and this really is taking a big risk
to say it ... but you've not stopped me yet ... or walked away from me ... I
think you were looking back at him too. And I kind-of noticed how keen you
both were to go off to the bedroom sometimes.  I really don't think your
Dad saw anything. It's just that I picked up some little hints like I'd
seen with Lek." She stopped and looked at me directly across the table.
"And if I've got that completely wrong, I really apologise. I don't want to
upset you. You don't need to say anything. Whatever the situation, it won't
make me think any the less about you, Toby." Finally she went silent. The
ball was back in my court. Gulp!

`Shit!' was my first thought. `How do I get out of this?' was the next one.
My mind kind of froze. I couldn't find what to say. If I just left the
room, it would be really awkward in future. The silence dragged on. Even
Non had left to do some cleaning.

The longer I sat there, the more I realised I needed to say something. I
didn't want to lie to her. I was worried about what she might say to Dad,
and then what he would do.

"Um ... err ... I don't quite know what to say." It felt like a really weak
response. If I was going to get angry, it was too late now.  Ditto, if I
was going to deny everything. "I suppose ... well ... yes ... Chakri does really
like me ... and we have been playing around a bit together." I stopped. I'd
already admitted it. "We just had some fun together at the hotel. We didn't
think anyone would notice."

"I don't think anyone else did notice," Chanita offered. "I really mean
what I said – it doesn't alter my respect for you at all. I know that
everyone around your age is working out how they feel - about boys and
about girls. If you're attracted to other boys, that's great – honestly!

"I'm not sure," I said quickly, "I mean ... maybe I am. I've only ever played
around with boys. I don't really see myself doing anything with a girl just
now. But I don't know how I will feel in the future. It might all change!"

"Of course – and that will be fine too," answered Chanita, "Though in my
experience, I think most people get to be pretty sure when they're in their
teens." She reached out her hand to me across the table. "Thank you for
being so honest with me Toby. It can't be easy. And I want you to know
three things. First, whatever you do with Chakri, or with any other friend,
is absolutely fine by me – just provided you both want to do it together of
course. Second, I'm not going to say anything to your Dad about this
conversation. If in the future, you want to say more about it, I'm very
happy to listen. And if you decide to say anything to your Dad in the
future, I'm available to support you. And third, I mentioned about my
brother Lek. He's very easy to talk with. I'm sure he's got lots of useful
experience. I won't say anything about you to him, but if you'd like to
meet him at some time, I'd be very happy to introduce you."

"Thanks, Chanita. I wasn't expecting any of that! I'll think about what
you've said." I was getting up from the table to leave. Then a thought
struck me. I turned back to Chanita and smiled, "And by the way, it's
really cool that Dad has you as a girlfriend. I don't mind at all. I hope
you have fun together!" And a big grin covered my face as I left the
kitchen.

oOo

Monday was pretty much a day to recover from the `exertions' of the
weekend. With no school, I took the Skytrain for a mooch around a couple of
shopping malls and spend the rest of the day in my room. Maybe it was the
amount of sex I'd had with Chakri, but I only had one wank all day.

Tuesday was different. This was the day I'd arranged to meet with Charlie
Steading for lunch. My pretext had been that I had a small gift to give him
for all the support he'd given me settling into the school. But the
sub-text was that I'd been chatting to him online on the GayRomeo website,
where his username was PooChai, and my profile picture suggested I was
someone entirely different. By meeting him more socially and outside of
school, I had a fantasy that maybe I could bring the online and real
scenarios into line. I knew he liked the online Carl – the profile I'd
created for myself – and I suspected he quite liked Toby the schoolboy. I
knew I was playing with fire to even think about exposing his gay identity.
But hey – what the hell – he had a lot more at stake than me and I didn't
think anything particularly bad would happen to me. At worse, he'd blank me
in school; but he'd always be fearful that I would tell others.

As it turned out, my plan was blown out of the water before I had a chance
to put it to the test. Dad was working from home on Tuesday morning. He
asked about my plans for the day and I reminded him that I was due to meet
my teacher to hand over our gift. "Oh, that's great," he commented, "Since
I'm home today, I could come with you and buy lunch for everyone. That way
I could thank your teacher personally as well." There wasn't much I could
say in response to that. It just meant that I couldn't begin to implement
my plan to confront Charlie with his gay profile.

We left home around midday and Dad drove us to the shopping mall where
Charlie had suggested we have lunch together. We found the noodle
restaurant on the top floor amongst a row of other restaurants. Charlie had
arrived just ahead of us and was already sitting at a table. He stood up
when he saw us approaching.

"Hi, Mr Steading," I began, "This is my father. He decided to join us on
his lunch-break, if that's OK."

Charlie extended his hand in the western fashion. "I'm very pleased to meet
you Mr Thompson. You've probably seen several of Toby's class teachers
before, but I don't think we've actually met. It's been a real pleasure to
help your son settle into the school and find his feet in Bangkok. He's
been helping me with my English too. I hope to study in Europe soon. Toby's
showing himself to be an excellent student."

With the introductions out of the way, we all sat down. The waiter came and
took our order. Dad said we should order whatever we wanted as he was happy
to pay. I'd set up this lunchtime meeting to hand over our gift of
appreciation to Charlie. As we waited for our food, Dad suggested this
would be a good time. So I passed the box across to Charlie with a broad
smile – hoping that this at least might convey my willingness to be very
`friendly' with him. He undid the wrapping and looked inside the box. We'd
been to one of the upmarket supermarkets the previous week and found a
whole selection of English-produced food: biscuits, cake, jam, cheeses,
sausages, and bottles of fruit.

"We thought you might like something from Britain," said my Dad.

"Hope you find some things you like!" I added.

Charlie thanked us both very much, saying that it wasn't really necessary,
but he very much appreciated the gesture, and he was sure he would enjoy
tasting these foods. After that, as we ate our meal, the conversation
ranged over my progress at school, Dad's work for his company, and
Charlie's immediate plans for a few days visiting his family and his
longer-term plans to get a place at a European university.

I felt disappointed and frustrated that I couldn't proceed with my more
private conversation with my teacher. However, as the meal came to an end,
Dad's mobile rang and he was talking to someone from his office for a
couple of minutes. As he ended the call, he reached for his wallet. "I'm
really sorry Toby, but I've been called into the office. Can I leave you
this money to settle the bill?" He turned to Charlie. "I'm so sorry Mr
Steading but I'm going to have to leave you. I hope we get the chance to
meet again soon." He stood up. "Toby, will you be OK to make your own way
home?" I smiled and nodded. Suddenly, my plan just might be back on!

The waiter approached with the bill and I realised that Charlie might leave
before I had a chance to broach the subject with him. It was unlikely that
I would see him again before next term began.

"Err, Mr Steading," I began, "There was something I wanted to ask you about
– if you could spare me a little more time."

He settled himself back on the seat. "Sure, Toby, if you want. You know I'm
going to visit my family tomorrow for a few days and I need to buy some
things for them and do my packing. But I can certainly give you some time.
What's on your mind?"

"Well ... it's a little ... awkward.  Could we go and find somewhere a little
more private to talk? Maybe we could go to one of the cafes that's not too
busy in the afternoon, and find a quiet corner?"

He agreed. I paid the bill and we wandered around the mall for a few
minutes until we came across a drinks and pastry shop in an out-of-the-way
corner that didn't have any customers. We ordered a couple of drinks and
took the table at the back of the shop.

Charlie lay back in his seat, seemingly relaxed. "So, Toby, I'm intrigued.
What's on your mind? And I guess it's something you didn't want to mention
in front of your dad too." He almost laughed.

I looked at him trying for eye contact. "Well, I didn't feel this would be
quite appropriate for him to hear. And I thought – well – you might prefer
me to mention it in private as well."

"Now you really do have me intrigued! You know I've been very happy to help
you and talk with you over the last few months. Like I said at our last
meeting in school, even if I'm no longer mentoring you as a student, I will
always be available to listen to you."

"Well, that's really what it's about. About you and me."

"What do you mean, Toby. I don't understand." This time he looked somewhat
more serious.

"I'm wondering what you think about me. Whether you like me as a person?" I
felt my heartbeat jump dramatically. I was getting into territory it would
be increasingly difficult to row back from.

"I'm still not sure I understand you," he said, although I could hear the
edge in his voice this time. "You're a really good student. I've enjoyed
our work together. You seem a very nice ... `lad' – is that the right word
in English?" He stopped, obviously unsure how else to respond. Then he
added, "If I've done something to upset you, then I'm sorry, and you can
tell me what it is. Or if you think I've been critical of you, there must
be some misunderstanding that we need to clear up. I don't have any
difficulties with you like that." By now, he was looking at me carefully
and with some concern.

"No, it's nothing like that," I responded. "It's more personal than that
really."

"You'll have to tell me more then Toby, because I'm not yet making sense of
this."

I felt my face flush with blood. Now my whole body was pumping. For a
moment I contemplated running out of the shop. He must be able to see my
anxiety. "It's simple really ... I'm Carl."  There! I'd said it to him. I
couldn't take the words back or make them disappear. We were in completely
new territory.

Only for the moment, he didn't get it. His face looked puzzled. He'd not
made the connection yet. "What do you mean Toby? Who's this Carl? Is it
someone I know?"

"Kind-of, Mr Steading. You know another boy called Carl. On GayRomeo.
You've been chatting with him. But Carl is actually me."

Charlie froze, his mouth slightly open, his eyes dilated, one hand on the
edge of the table between us. It was completely silent in the shop. It felt
like the silence went on and on. It was as though his brain was doing
summersaults inside him and out of sight from me. Eventually I saw his
mouth open as he tried to speak. "What ... what ... I don't know anyone called
Carl." Still he looked at me with a face I couldn't read. "I don't know
what you're trying to suggest here, Toby. But someone must have been
misleading you or something. I think we need to try and pretend this
conversation never happened."

"I don't think either of us can do that," I said, in a surprisingly calm
voice. "We both know that PooChai and Carl have been chatting online. It's
all there in the chat box. And photographs. We've been chatting with each
other. You like farang guys, and prefer someone younger than yourself.
You've had a 16-year-old Thai boyfriend before, until he went back to his
village. I'm a white boy from England who happens to like guys who are a
little older and more mature than me. And by the way, your butt looks good
in a tight pair of nylon swimmers. You've been viewing a picture of another
boy at my old school who is a year-or-so older than me. His name is Carl
and I just borrowed it."

As I leant forward to say all this, Charlie slumped backwards in his seat,
his face draining of colour, his eyes staring at me. He must have been in
shock.

"Oh – and just so you know," I added quickly, "I'm not about to tell
anyone! I really like you, Mr Steading. The stuff I said in our chat is
what I meant. Honestly! I know you're my teacher in school and I'm not
bothered about that. You said you'd never done anything with a pupil at
school and I believe you. I'm not wanting to cause trouble for you in
school." Shit! How could I convince this guy that I wasn't going to expose
him or damage him?  "I like you Mr Steading – not just as someone who has
really helped me in school – but also as an interesting gay guy outside of
school. I just hope that you meant what you said to me in those chats too."
There! I'd said it to him. The `gay' word.

The moments dragged on for what felt like ages. We both just sat there
looking at each other across the table. I was determined to say nothing
more until I got some kind of reaction from him. Eventually, it came. "For
fuck's sake Toby." (I'd never heard him swear before. We definitely weren't
in school mode any more.) "I'm your teacher! Even if any of what you said
was true, I can't have anything to do with boys outside of school. My job
doesn't allow it. I mean ... what are you thinking of Toby?"

"Well ... I'm thinking that you did take me and some friends to play tennis
at the sports club outside of school. That we all got changed there
together and took showers. I'm thinking that you and I were both getting
quite excited when we chatted online. I'm thinking that I really like you.
I'm thinking that, actually, you probably do quite like me – that you've
checked out my body before when I've been in your room at school – that
maybe you may even fancy me a little bit – even if you do think my name is
Carl." Now I'd really said it. This was loading quite a bit of pressure on
him. I just couldn't see how this was going to end, but I wasn't prepared
to give up now.

"Shit, Toby, do you realise what you're saying?" His face had been buried
in his hands, but now he looked up at me.

I nodded to signal that I did realise. "Yes, I do."

"I mean ... you're a really nice ... boy. You're very good-looking. You're
intelligent and sharp. Maybe if things were somehow different ... or we'd
met somewhere else ... or ... I don't know." He stopped again. I could see the
confusion he felt.

"So you do like me?" I prompted.

"Yes, of course. You're an attractive young man. You'll never have any
difficulty finding boyfriends. But ... But ...   Oh shit! I don't know what
to say. I mean, if I were to do anything with you, I'd have to give up my
job. And I can't do that. This is all impossible." Then a thought seemed to
hit him. "And anyway, how did you discover my profile?"

I laughed spontaneously. "Oh, that's easy really. I was in school one
afternoon and went to the toilets. Whilst I sat there, I checked my phone
and opened GayRomeo to look for any messages. When I did a search for guys
in the local area, one profile came up nearby. It was so close that it had
to be someone inside the school grounds. I clicked the profile and read all
about PooChai – his age, his preferences, what he liked; then I clicked on
the profile photos. That's when I realised it was you. I guess you must
have left your app logged in that day." I paused, then added, "Oh, and
before you ask – I've not told anyone else, and I don't plan to."

"Thanks for that," he mumbled.

"So, if I recap where we're at," I said, taking the lead again, "You do
think I'm attractive. You've probably been checking me out when I've teased
you – like that time in your office when I stood on a chair to expose my
skin, or when I touch myself, or when I deliberately undid my belt and
shorts to tuck in my shirt." I looked at him to verify his understanding
that I'd been doing these things deliberately.  "If we'd met somewhere
else, you might want this to go further. You're feeling guilty that I'm a
student. And you're paranoid about your job and what would happen at school
if this was public. Oh, and you've just met my Dad which must complicate
things even more."

"Yeah, that about sums it up, Toby," he acknowledged grudgingly.

"Well then," I grinned, "That's not an immediate `No' then!"

He laughed at the joke. Then he turned serious again. "This has been a
pretty big shock, you know." I nodded again. "I've known the risks but I've
always kept my personal life entirely separate from my work. And now you've
just walked straight in and blown all that apart. I need to get my head
sorted around all that's happened today. It's a good job I'm going away for
a few days. I need some space."

"But you will be coming back I hope. You won't just leave your job or do
something stupid like that, will you. I'd feel terrible if what I've said
made you do anything like that."

"I need some time to think Toby. I'll let you know when I'm ready. Then we
can talk some more. But definitely not in school. Right?"

"Yes, right," I replied.

"OK, I really do need to go now. Please thank your dad for buying the
lunch. And thank you both for your generous gift of the different foods. I
suppose every time I take something out of the box, I'll be reminded of you
and this conversation."

"Hehe. Maybe you could just think of Carl instead and that would make you
happier!"

As he stood up and came around the table I thought he was going to put me
down for that, but he didn't. He just gave a little laugh. "Yeah, well,
maybe. He certainly looked pretty good."

"So can we part as friends still?" I asked.

"Yes – so long as you remember that it's just friends."

"And would a quick hug be out of the question, given that we're not in
school and there's no-one else here?" He stepped towards me. I put my arms
around his back and he reciprocated. I'd forgotten that despite the age
difference of five years, we were almost the same height. I deliberately
pushed into him a little. He didn't resist. This was the closest we'd ever
been. I thought I could feel the bulge in his trousers. Maybe that was
wishful thinking!

We left the shop and I made something up about going to check on another
shop. I watched as he walked away towards the escalators.

.......... to be continued in Chapter 17 of TOBY'S SECRET JOURNAL ........

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