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Chapter 19 ended like this ……….
It only took a couple of minutes. With more gasps and muffled shouts, I felt Boy’s ass tighten and spasm around my cock. I realised he must be shooting off, hands-free, beneath me. The added pressure on my shaft caused by his contractions started to send me over the edge. The heat rose all the way from my very root. A charge of energy flowed from my balls up through my cock. I felt the first blast of cum as it erupted into Boy’s ass, closely followed by several more. He continued to squeeze me with his muscles to heighten the pleasure.
Boy turned lifted and turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. “Wow, that felt great. It was amazing to know you were inside me.” Tom must have been close because as soon as Boy lifted off, his hands went to grasp his freed cock. He was jacking it at high speed as his hips thrust up and down off the lounger. It took just a few seconds more for Tom to fire his seed up into the air. Thick white ropey cum landed on Boy’s chest and throat; more blasts followed and fell back onto Tom’s chest and abdomen until he was spent.
I slowly withdrew from Boy. He raised himself to a standing position followed a few moments later by Tom. “Thank you.” He kissed each of us in turn. “You boys really are hot. I’ve not enjoyed myself like that for ages.” We held and caressed each other, reluctant to let the moment end. Eventually, we needed to wash the sweat and juices from our bodies and Tom led us through to his bedroom for a communal shower together. It was so much fun to be with these guys.
Dear Journal!
There’s been so much going on I think I need a little time to sit back and take stock. Maybe I’m just becoming a slut. I’m only a teenager and yet, in the last few months since Dad and I arrived here in Bangkok, I just seem to have indulged totally in sex and sexual fantasies. Is this healthy? Do other boys my age do the same? I don’t know. Maybe it’s part of living in a different country and the rules here are all different. Back in England, I’m pretty sure that my friends weren’t doing what I’m doing now. If they had, I think they would have talked all about it. I mean, there was quite a bit of wanking going on – don’t all boys do that – and some playing around between us – but it wasn’t like what’s been happening here. Here, I’ve had massage boys playing with my cock, I’ve been sucking boys off and having other boys suck me off, and I’ve been fucking boys. I’ve been in a couple of three-somes. And I’ve been with a proper man, Tom, for the first time.
I don’t want to be regarded as a slut. I don’t think I am really. I mean, I wouldn’t just do it with anyone. I have to like the person I’m with. But if someone else was to get hold of this journal and read it, what sort of person would they think I was?
I’m going to see if I can go a couple of days without any kind of sex and try and make some sense of all these experiences.
oOo
Ok, when I flick back through all the pages of this journal, it’s obvious that I really like sex and that I’ve been discovering lots of new things about how guys enjoy it. I like my body; I like my cock; and I love it when my cock is hard and demanding attention. My cock seems to be hard a lot – several times a day – and I don’t have much control over when it gets stiff. My cock’s pretty big for a boy my age. Ever since I was about 12, everyone’s told me that I was large. Maybe it’s because I was circumcised when I was a kid. I don’t know why my parents did that to me, but my dad is cut too. I love the feel of that thick shaft in my hand. I seem to be bigger than every other lad I’ve had fun with - including Chakri, Tam, Panit, Nut, Boy, and Mack. Now I’m noticing that my balls are getting bigger. They’ve dropped between my legs and swing about there; the one on the right side is slightly bigger than the other. Altogether, it’s quite a package to keep inside my pants. Sometimes I can see people looking at my crotch in the street so I know it makes for quite a bulge. When I was teasing Charlie in his office I would always make sure my school trousers were tight so that he could get some idea of my size.
Now I wank myself at least once a day and often twice – sometimes even more. I don’t think I have any unusual techniques. I just use my right hand to stroke myself. Other lads have shown me new things that I now incorporate in my wanking sometimes. I like to put oil or gel on my cock to make it really slippery. I like to pull on my balls. Sometimes I play with my nipples, twisting them and squeezing them until I can feel a little sharp pain. Recently I’ve started to sit on something that will press along the line of my bum crack whilst I’m wanking – like the arm of a chair or a rolled-up cushion; I love the feel of something pressing against me there. I can wank off almost anywhere: in the cubicles at school; in the fitting rooms at a clothes stall; lying on my bed; sitting in front of my computer watching porn or chatting to someone. But I have two favourites places. I love wanking in the shower, covering myself in lather and firing off at the tiles. And I absolutely love wanking in front of a mirror, watching my whole body. I have to be totally naked to do this so that I can see everything. And it’s best when I can shoot my cum all over the mirror and watch it dribble down the glass.
I reckon now that I’m definitely gay. I only ever seem to think about other boys. I certainly only ever look at guys – never girls. Back in England I thought maybe this was a ‘phase’ and that it would all start to change as I grew up and got to know more girls. But there’s no sign of that happening any time soon. I only ever look at gay porn. I check out the other boys at school. And all the lads I’ve ever been with have been male! That tells me something.
What’s completely different about living here in Bangkok is that all this stuff seems more open. In England, when we talked about wanking and sex, it was all something to joke about. Here, it’s no joke. Maybe people start earlier. Most of the guys I’ve met are favourite private about their bodies. They don’t show them off. But the way they dress, their tight-fitting clothes, their slender bodies, the prevalence of shorts, the way they frequently touch each other – all these help to make them look so much more sexual and attractive. And then the really big difference seems to be that once you are in a private situation with someone, their inhibitions fall away. In private, boys seem to like showing off their bodies and their cocks and bums. They don’t seem to hold back. Like with Chakri – once we got together, he was very natural with being naked and horny.
I think this has really freed me up in my own attitudes. Once I started to get used to how open these guys can be in private, it made me a lot more relaxed. There’s much less game-playing and guessing. Once I get together with someone, it’s so much easier to get undressed and show them my body – in the changing rooms, the shower or the bedroom. Maybe I’m becoming more of an exhibitionist – like Boy – he always seem to enjoy showing off his great body. (And I love looking at it.)
Having had pleasure with so many different lads, it’s helped me to see what I prefer physically. I always want to check out a guy’s cock. I want to know that everything’s in full working order. I don’t mind whether he’s cut or uncut. A nice pair of balls is also good. Most of the Thai boys have very smooth bodies: no chest or belly hair, just light hair on their legs. Their smooth skin makes them look quite young. From what I’ve seen they rarely have any hair on their balls or their ass. Where they do have hair, it’s always very dark. I was surprised that Boy shaves off all the hair around his cock. He says that Tom likes him very smooth. I think maybe Tom enjoys fucking boys like that. For me, I’m going to keep my pubes. I want to look like a man! Maybe one day I’ll have big cock, big balls, thick pubes.
Even more than a nice cock, I get really horny thinking about a hot ass. That’s been an amazing discovery. I used to think that bums were dirty. Now I love looking at the bum on Chakri, Nut, Mack and Boy. I want to touch and squeeze a guy’s ass. I want to put my hands between his legs. And more than anything else, I want to put my big cock against his ass. I’ve already fucked two boy’s asses – Mack’s and Boy’s – and I really want to do a whole lot more of that. It just makes me hard now thinking about it. When I watched the length of my cock slide up inside them, it looked so hot. That’s what my cock was designed for .
Oh, need to go for another wank now. So much for my decision not to have sex for a day or two. I can’t hold out.
oOo
As I started to pleasure myself in my room, I saw there was a flashing message on my phone. I entered my code to check. The message is on GayRomeo. It made me smile to see that it was from PooChai. He’s back in touch after our meeting and exchange of messages. I suddenly felt quite anxious about what he was going to say. This could be the end of everything …. or the start of something new and exciting.
PooChai: Hello ‘Carl’. Thanks for your message. My holiday is still good. Probably going home in a couple of days.
PooChai: I think we need to talk. After what you said at that lunch, we can’t just leave it there.
PooChai: I have a responsibility towards you. We need to sort this out.
PooChai: And, I’ve been thinking about you a lot whilst I’ve been away.
Well that was still a little ambiguous and open to different interpretations. Was he wanting to just revert to a teacher/student relationship and pretend that I didn’t know about his personal life? Or was the ‘thinking about you’ comment at the end a reference to the possibility that he’d been imagining something more happening between us. I knew he’d been checking me out physically because I’d been deliberately teasing him and had caught him staring at me. I wanted to think that he might have actually wanked off thinking about me. What the hell! Take a risk, Toby. I fired off a couple of messages in reply.
Me: Hi there. No problem. Of course we can meet up again when you’re back.
Me: I’d like that :-)
Me: It’s the holidays. You’re not responsible for me now. Just two people sharing time together.
Me: Wonder what you’ve been thinking about me. He-he. Hope they were nice thoughts.
It took only a couple of minutes for Charlie to reply with another message.
PooChai: Hello Toby. OK, we should meet and sort this out so there are no misunderstandings. I’ll be in touch when I’m back in Bangkok.
Me: Great. I’m not sure there are any misunderstandings but happy to meet and talk with you. Like I said before, you can rely on my confidentiality.
PooChai: Thanks. You’ve always seemed like a good boy. I can trust you. But what you told me was quite a shock. I can’t afford for my position in the school to be compromised in any way.
Me: Your secret is safe with me Mr Steading.
PooChai: It’s not a secret really. All my friends know about my sexuality. But I’ve always kept it separate from school. You’re the first person to ever make the connection.
Me: It doesn’t change my view of you as a teacher and school mentor.
PooChai: Good. But I hope you can see the risk for me, Toby.
Me: Don’t worry! I’m not about to blackmail you. You’ve been very helpful to me and I’m grateful.
PooChai: Don’t even joke about that. Makes me very anxious.
Me: Now that we know about each other, I won’t have to flirt quite so obviously in front of you at school.
PooChai: Were you doing all that deliberately?
Me: Yes! After I found your profile online, I wanted to see whether you would notice me.
PooChai: Oh. Well you succeeded.
Me: I felt you were looking at me in your room.
PooChai: Difficult not to. Now I know you were doing it on purpose.
Me: And … did you like what you saw?
The online chat went silent for several moments as I waited to see Charlie’s reply.
PooChai: Yes.
Me: ;-) I was checking you out too. Especially after you sent me those photos as well.
PooChai: Now you’re making me feel embarrassed.
Me: Please don’t be. There’s no need. I guess we both enjoyed it.
PooChai: What did you think when I sent you the photos?
Me: Very nice. Hot young man. And what did you think when you were looking at me in your room?
PooChai: That you’re farang boy. And very good looking.
Me: You said that you prefer farang guys.
PooChai: Yes, usually.
Me: And how about me?
PooChai: What do you mean?
Me: Do you find me attractive Mr Steading?
PooChai: Maybe
PooChai: Shit, Toby – I can’t be having this chat with a student from the school where I work.
Me: I’m not going to tell anyone.
PooChai: It’s just feels too dangerous and risky. If we continue this conversation it has to be completely separated from anything to do with school.
Me: How do you mean?
PooChai: I mean that our school relationship has to have nothing to do with this conversation. Like we’re two strangers that met online.
Me: That’s what we did.
PooChai: Yes, so let’s keep it that way. I need to think of you as Carl – not the student I know in school. I need to talk only with Carl. That’s how I should know you on here.
Me: And how should I know you?
PooChai: Not as Mr Steading, that’s for sure. You can call me Kadri instead. That’s my family nickname.
Me: Hey, that’s cool Kadri. I can play it that way. Like a secret code or game.
PooChai: OK … Carl … that feels better. Keep the two situations entirely separate.
Me: Like we’re creating a new friendship.
PooChai: Yeah. I have a question for you Carl. Have you had much experience of this?
Me: You mean experience of gay guys? Yes. Probably more than you think. There are quite a few gay boys at school.
PooChai: Carl – we can’t talk anything about school here.
Me: Oh, sorry. But yeah, I have been around other gay lads here in Bangkok. Some my age and some older guys. I’m still learning. But I know what I’m doing if that’s what you’re worried about.
PooChai: I’m just interested. I did have a Thai boyfriend around your age for a time before he went back to his village. But I’ve never known a farang boy in the same way.
Me: Well I have some experience with Thai and European guys.
PooChai: I see. Well, perhaps that’s not so surprising. Given your good looks.
Me: So you do find me attractive then Kadri?
PooChai: Of course Carl.
Me: Am I sexually attractive? Is that what you meant when you said you’d been thinking about me?
PooChai: Shit Tob … I mean, Carl. You do ask some direct questions.
Me: Well, I’m looking at photos you sent me. You do look hot in them.
PooChai: Really? You think so? Well, yes, you are a very sexy looking boy.
Me: Thank you Kadri. You too.
PooChai: You’re teasing me again.
Me: No – just being honest and direct with you. But if you want to be teased ….
PooChai: Stop! You’ll get me more excited.
Me: Wow. You’re excited already chatting to me here.
PooChai: Mmmm. You?
Me: Carl is rock hard.
PooChai: Oh shit. I want to see.
Me: When are you coming back to Bangkok?
PooChai: In a couple of days.
Me: We can meet up then. I’d like to see you too.
PooChai: But it has to be Kadri and Carl.
Me: Yes. Carl wants to see more of Kadri.
PooChai: Ahh now you’ve got me excited again.
Me: Good! Enjoy it. I want to hear from you when you get back.
PooChai: OK, Carl, you will. We’ll meet up then.
Me: OK Kadri. Have fun thinking about me. See you very soon.
PooChai: I think I need to get in the shower. I’m too excited. I trust you to keep our secret. Talk to you soon.
Me: Bye
PooChai: Bye
Any thoughts I had of refraining from sex for a few days disappeared after my chat with Charlie. I kept imagining what it would be like with him. I looked at the photos he’d sent me before he knew who I really was. I wasn’t sure how this was going to work out but I felt increasingly confident that something was going to happen between us.
oOo
Back to my journal again.
I think most teen boys probably have sex with other boys around their own age. You tend to make friends with others in the same year group at school. It’s great fun playing with Chakri but if I’m really honest with myself, I’ve always been attracted to lads who are a little older than me. I suppose it started with the original Carl in my York school who I used to watch on the football pitch, and then I would hang around in the changing rooms to watch him. There was something about the way his body was developing. And he had such a great ass – firm, rounded, solid. That’s what I like.
Both Mack and Boy are older boys who each have so much of what I like. Mack was quite slim but he had a great ass and he was the first person I ever fucked. That felt so great. Just to watch myself entering his bum like that. The way his firm ass-cheeks held me and squeezed my cock. And now with Boy, it’s very similar. I’ve had more time to really get to know his body. He lets me explore everywhere. And he seems to really enjoy mine too.
One of the things I’m learning from Boy is about being naked in front of others. I think it’s called exhibitionism. Letting other people see your body and not being afraid if you’re aroused. That’s what Tom and Boy seem to do in their condo. That’s how I first saw Tom naked. And then last weekend Boy and I were naked together on his balcony when Tom joined us. That was so hot. It makes me horny again just to remember it. Wandering around naked in front of other people is such a turn on. I suppose that’s what nudist camps are all about – though when I checked them out on the internet they seem to have a lot of older people, not guys my age.
I wonder what it would be like to wander around our house naked. I’d love to do it – but I don’t think it’s possible. I’ve seen Dad naked before a few times, but not recently. In the daytime, Non’s usually around the house cleaning or in the kitchen and I can’t imagine doing it in front of her. A big part of me quite likes the idea of Dad and me hanging out naked in the evening. Then I remember about Chanita. Would she join in? Would Dad get excited in front of Chanita? I’ve never seen a fully naked adult woman before – except on the internet. I know that Dad and Chanita are sleeping in the same bed and must be having sex together regularly – but he never talks about this. What would it be like to see them doing it together?
Chanita’s worked out that I’m probably gay. She’s seen me with Chakri and with Nut. When she talked about her gay brother, was she trying to encourage me to have fun with other boys? I don’t want her to find me on the bed with Chakri or with Boy. That would just be too embarrassing.
Still, the idea of hanging around our house naked – like Tom and Boy in their condo – keeps coming back to me. Me and dad, like that ????????????
That reminds me of the way that Boy talked about Tom sometimes. He began by describing Tom as someone who had taught him stuff about sex. Then he said that Tom ‘took good care of him’. And then when the three of us were together, he referred to Tom sometimes as ‘dad’.
After we’d had sex on the balcony we all went for a shower together. We dried off and Boy suggested we rest together on the big bed for a time. Tom got on the bed first and Boy curled up into him. Both of them looked at me and Boy asked if I wanted to join them – just for a cuddle, not for more sex. I climbed on the bed as well and Tom opened his arm to hold me. Boy and I lay naked on either side of Tom as he held both of us. Boy asked something like: “How do you like it, dad, with two of us boys?” He was playing with Tom’s cock again at the same time, trying to make him hard again. Tom said: “It’s great being with both of you. You boys look really good together. I’m enjoying being here with you both like this.” Then Tom turned to me and said: “I hope you’re ok with all this too, Toby.” I couldn’t really speak – and I could feel my cock thickening again against Tom’s hip. Tom spoke again: “Boy has started to call me ‘dad’. Not to replace his real dad, but as a kind of adult figure in his life that shows him things and helps to protect him and take care of him. Seeing you two together, it’s almost like you’re brothers.” As he said this, we all held each other closely. Boy and I had our heads on Tom’s shoulders and chest. Boy whispered to me: “I know you live with your real dad, Toby. But it might be kind of fun if Tom was like an ‘uncle’ to you – like he’s a ‘dad’ to me. Then we could be brothers together. As he said this, Tom’s big cock was fully hard again and his cockhead was pointing straight up at me.
This was like a whole new game to me. Almost a role play of dads and sons. I could see that Boy and Tom were really into it. I was being invited to join in as another ‘son’ or ‘nephew’. I began to imagine us all being naked together in the condo and having pleasure with each other in different combinations. Tom would be some kind of experienced adult mentor instructing us. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I find it both very exciting – and also a little scary.
As we all three lay together on the bed, it reminded me of being a kid at home when my Dad used to hold me if I was upset, or when we were on the sofa watching TV together. It was his way of showing love to me. And here was another man doing something very similar with me. Except this time, we were more grown up – and nude – and aroused. It felt incredibly comfortable and safe to be lying together like that. We were touching each other and had access to each other’s bodies – and at the same time it was all very gentle and caring. I guess this is what it might be like to live with someone you love. I moved my head to kiss Boy on the lips. Then Tom moved to kiss both of us: “My two beautiful, hot boys.”
Now it feels like I’m getting into the adult world of grown-up sex. With Boy, Chakri and Mack it’s still boy-sex. But this new role-play with Tom and Boy is definitely different. He’s a grown man and we’re having sex together. He wants me and I’m fascinated by him. The stuff that’s developing with Charlie is different again. He’s clearly a man – a few years older than me and with more experience – and in one part of my life he’s also my teacher. But now he’s creating the Kadri/Carl role-play where we’re two guys who have met online and plan to get together. He’s definitely hot – and I want to do stuff with him. I imagine his body as being more developed. Yet he says he likes teen boys around my age.
This is all so much to take in. Maybe I’m still too young and inexperienced to make proper sense of it all. I’m just learning so much at the moment. Everything that’s happening – with Chakri, with Boy, with Tom, and now with Kadri/Charlie – feels so good. I don’t want it to stop.
*** To be continued soon in Chapter 21 of
Toby’s Secret Journal ***
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