Date: Sat, 23 Feb 2002 18:06:57 -0500 From: Tom Cup <tom_cup@hotmail.com> Subject: Tommy Series (Returning Home - Revised) Chapter 2 Copyright 2000, 2001, 2002 by the Paratwa Partnership: A Colorado Corporation. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, except in the case of reviews, without written permission from the Paratwa Partnership, Inc, 354 Plateau Drive, Florissant, CO 80816 This is a fictional story involving alternality sexual relationships. If this type of material offends you, please do not read any further. This material is intended for mature adult audiences. Names, characters, locations and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. ************************************************************************ Tommy Returning Home By Tom Cup CHAPTER TWO Watching Brian sleep was the hardest part of that first night together. I didn't know how to act. I think it was clear to both of us that we were sexually attracted to one another. We were silent on the way home and as we got ready for bed that night. I guess I figured if he had a problem sleeping in the same bed with me, he would say something but he didn't. We both turned slightly away from each other and then slid silently in bed. I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling, begging him to say something, anything. I felt aroused but protective of this kid that was three years my junior. I glanced over at his curved draped body and felt my cock announce that it was paying attention also. I grabbed my robe and went into the kitchen, poured myself some ice tea, to try and cool down. I was absorbed in trying to understand my feelings. I never had to think about whether or not I should have sex with someone in the way I was thinking about it now. I was always with older guys or guys my own age. For the first time I understood the predicament I had put my older lovers in. I wanted Brian in the worst way and yet I was afraid that if I made a move on him he'd give in - just not to have to go home - and then regret it later. I would hate him to feel that way. I wanted to share my body with him because I cared about him. I hoped that he cared about me. I realized that I couldn't do anything with him until I knew that he cared for me. "Can't sleep?" he asked from behind me. I turned and he was standing not three feet away from me in nothing but his briefs. He simply looked delicious. I wanted to fold him into my arms and press his body into mine. He stood there, innocently, not caring the effect he was having on me. "Just a little trouble," I answered. "Was I squirming too much," he asked, "Bob said I squirm to much when I sleep." "Who's Bob," I asked. "Oh," he blushed a bit, "He was my friend; my only one really. He spent the night before he moved." I loved the way he looked at me when he told me that and I couldn't help but notice that his dick stirred. He noticed me looking and we smiled at each other. I was less nervous the night I lost my virginity than I was at that moment. I think that's strange. I opened myself to Keith and Mr. Steel without reservations and yet, with Brian, I was trembling. He reached out and grabbed my hand. "Come on," he said leading the way, "Let's go back to bed." ***** I hadn't imagined how erotic it could be waking in the morning with a beautiful boy between my legs. His hands were soft and tickled me as they lay upon my skin. His hair was a sweet and sour mixture of my Pantene PRO-V and pubescent boy. The warmth of his body fulfilled me like sitting in front of a fireplace, on a cold German January evening, sipping hot coco with marshmallows. I watched his head bob up and down on my chest - and listened to his contented sighs -- wondering if I had made a mistake. I didn't want him to get hurt. I didn't know what he was thinking. I would have to go home at the end the summer and so would he. I would think back fondly of him and the intimate nights we had together but I wondered if he thought more would happen -- like I was some knight in shining armor come to take him away from a life of peasantry. The thoughts frightened me. "What you thinking about," he asked. "Us," I answered truthfully. "Don't worry," he said, "I know it can't last. I just want to pretend that it can." I smiled and held him tight. I pretended also. ***** I was proud of the way we handled the first arrivals. I know they were surprised to find two kids running things but within a few days our ages were a distant memory. I told people that it was my family's place and that Brian was my cousin. Everyone accepted the fact and, because it was private property, we got no trouble from the local authorities. Brian was amazing. Within three days of the first arrivals he had set up an RV and Car washing business. He tried to give the money to me, saying it was paying his way, but in the end we decided we would just split the cost of food and gas -- stuff like that -- he would keep the rest. During the day we made rounds, checking on everyone and saying hello. Afterwards, we had fun swimming, boating, fishing or exploring the woods and surrounding land. It was on one of our explorations of the surrounding area that we discovered the farm Mr. Steel mentioned a few days before he died. "Well, well, so you're the Steel boy," James commented. I smiled at being called the Steel boy. Ron had told him about me - that we were planning to visit but of course we never made it - I was flattered that James remembered Ron's mention of me and knew that he must have guessed something about Ron's and my relationship. Brian wasn't happy and became really quiet. I made a special effort to let him know I really considered him my boy friend. This didn't go unnoticed by James. He smiled quite a bit at us and Brian seemed to relax. It was fun helping James let the horses in and out of one field or another. Brian was a little squeamish around the animals. I guess they looked quite a bit bigger to him than to me but even I thought they were huge. Seeing animals that you think you are familiar with, because you've seen them a hundred times on TV and in documentaries, is always startling. They are no longer some, three to six inch, cute figure on a scene. They are suddenly real -- breathing and snoring and flexing their massive muscles while turning to keep an eye on your movements- and you realize that they could bat you away as easily as one slaps a pesky gnat. We were cautious but thrilled. James told us we could come and visit any time. He also invited us to have dinner with him. I must admit I was a bit relieved that there was an adult that I knew nearby, just in case something came up that I couldn't handle. Brian didn't feel the same way however and I learned that my new lover, though bright and kind and helpful, was very insecure. I remembered some of the struggles that Keith and I had -- how difficult it had been for me to tell him about Mr. Steel and how difficult it had been for him to tell me about Randy. We knew we still loved each other but there was a fear that if we loved someone else we would lose each other -- but we overcame our fears. I knew that I still loved Keith and that if he came round the bend I would immediately fall into his arms again. Once I loved, I stayed in love But Brian didn't have those memories or their framework to help him make sense out of what I was feeling for him. He didn't know that, even if something happened with James, our relationship was secure. "Tell me about Bob." I said as we lay together before the rising sun, glowing in our own lovemaking. "I told you," he said, "He use to live on my block. He was my only friend until I met you." "I know," I said, "but you never told me how you felt about him." "Yeah I did," he responded, "He was my friend." I turned to look him in the eyes, brushed his hair from his forehead and kissed him. "Did you love him?" I asked. "Why do you want to talk about that?" he whispered. "Because," I said, "Talking is the only way to learn how each other really feels." "It scares me," he stated frankly. "Why?" I asked knowing that we were beginning to communicate. With my previous lovers, we had this open flow of verbal intimacy. That was what I missed the most -- the phone call from Keith before I went to bed even though we had parted only thirty minutes earlier. We would talk as if we hadn't seen each other all day and the last thing I would hear before drifting off to sleep was Keith's voice whispering, `I love you' -- the intimacy of heart to heart conversation. Sex was never the most important thing, though I loved sex, it was only part of sharing ourselves with one another. "Cause there's certain things you ain't supposed to say to another guy," he answered. "Who says that?" I asked. "Come on," he replied, "everybody knows that!" He laughed nervously and mockingly punched me on the arm. I understood what he was saying but I just didn't agree. I didn't want to live my life pretending to be something I wasn't. I was Brian's age when I decided that. I know that gays get beat up for thinking that way -- hell, my own father beat the shit out of me though he didn't realize that he was beating me because I was gay, it was the real issue, so what did I care if some stranger tried to beat the shit out of me? -- it didn't really matter to me. If someone did beat me up because of it, I'd still be gay. Besides, I think the scariest thing is telling your family. Mom knew, and accepted, that I was gay. I think dad figured it out before he died too. We never talked about it but I noticed that we spent more time together; and he was gentler with me, more patient, as if he was trying to learn who I was all over again. He had to figure out how it all worked. That was Dad's way. I smiled at the thought of him in the Base library looking up everything he could on homosexuality in youths. "No everybody doesn't know that," I protested, "and it's not true." He looked almost disappointed. I wasn't going to let him off the hook. He squirmed in the bed beside me, his naked thigh sliding between my legs to meet my groin. He wrapped himself around me and held on tight, "Please," he begged, "Do we have to talk about this?" "I want to talk about it Brian," I whispered sternly. "I just don't want this to end yet," he said. "Who said anything about it ending," I asked. "That's what's going to happen," he charged, "Just like Bob. We were having so much fun until I said that I loved him. Then..." His voice fell away and I felt him begin to quiver in my arms. Slowly the sobs began and I understood. Bob hadn't moved away. Bob was still around. He liked having sex at a distance. Brian had gotten too close with the words "I love you." Instead of finding love returned he became a "freak." Maybe it was a kindness. After all, being a freak is better than being a fag. Maybe it was all that Bob could give. It really didn't matter. The break up crushed Brian and he had to live with everyone in the neighborhood thinking that he was somehow not normal. I held him and let him cry in my arms. "I love you," I whispered in his ear. He looked up with shock on his face as he wiped the tears away. "Don't say that!" he ordered. "Why?" I asked. "Because it ain't true," he countered. "You can't tell me how I feel Brian," I replied, "If I say I love you then I do." "No," he cried, "Please don't say it." "What's the matter Brian?" I asked, "Tell me what's really the matter." "Don't you understand nothing?" he asked, "You ruined everything. Now, I can't pretend I don't care, now I can't pretend that you are just going to use me and leave me, now when you leave it'll kill me." Finally, I did understand. He was in love with me. ************************************************************************ You'll find my newest writings at http://tomcup.iscool.net. I also recommend visiting these sites: Boyztown - Gay Pictures and Stories http://www.boyztown.net Girlztown - Lesbian Pictures and Stories http://www.girlztown.net Eroscities - Featuring the writings of Richard Dean http://www.eroscities.com Alternative Lifestyles of Youth - Advice, commentary and Youth Related Stories http://www.anysexuality.com All my best, Tom Cup "Why is it that the words we write for ourselves are so much better than the words we write for others?" Sean Connery as William Forrester in the film "Finding Forrester."