Date: Fri, 14 Mar 2008 09:18:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris
Subject: Twelve And Nineteen, Part Seven

			    Twelve And Nineteen
				Part Seven
				    By
				   Chris
      _______________________________________________________________

I found this chapter hardest to right, second only to the post script.  And
the reason it was the hardest is because I decided this would be the last.

I hope you will understand. It is just too painful.  My thanks to almost
three hundred and fifty emails I recieved about my and Nathan's story.
(Before this installment).

Someone once said that history is almost always written by the winners.
The losers rarely get the press. And so their side of the story is lost to
eternity. It isn't right. It isn't fair.  But those that remain carry the
weight of evidence in remembrance.

I know that this story is my story. I am the one still alive some forty one
years later.

We were both winners in the most wonderful sense, wrapped in a forbidden
love, we found solace and love in each other...for a few moments.

Would Nathan have written it differently?  Perhaps he would have.  Maybe
some of the things he valued in our relationship was somewhat different
than what I valued. I don't know.  But I know, maybe more than any other
how he felt about things.

But I am the one telling the story. And I hope he would bless the telling.

I dedicate all of this too you Nathan.  I love you still!

      _______________________________________________________________


Nathan was a Senior Patrol Leader when I first met him.  I began as a
Tenderfoot. And he was my tutor in more ways than one.

After my new beginning at Gary and Nathan's Grandfather's pond,( where I
lost my cherry while camping), I found Nathan's attentions helpful at
Scouts. I began to progress as the weeks went by, through various badges,
(including swimming...ha)and soon moved from tenderfoot to second class
within weeks. We loved the camping and all the activites.  Everyone saw we
were the best of friends.

(As far as I know that is all they saw).

And the days and weeks went all too quickly.

We were practically inseparable. He was either at my house or I, his.  Both
of our Mom's claimed the other boy as her own. We ate our weight in food,
pop, candy bars (Three Musketeers for a dime) and pop corn.

We loved comic books, and read of the glorys of 'SuperMan' and 'SpiderMan'.
'Thor' was Nathan's favorite comic book character. ( He loved Thor's
muscles and that massive hammer...what would Freud make of that?.  I have
all those issues that I have been able to find through the years, by the
way).

I had recieved a little black and white television for Christmas, and we
watched whatever was on at the time, from three channels I managed to pic
up from an antenna.  (Two channels were often so snowy you couldn't see
what was on the screen).  I found it so comfortable to be at his house, and
I think he obviously liked my home too. Things were so cool that way.

On Friday nights we stayed at each others homes.  I remember it well.  The
schedule that is.  Everyone was a sleep in our home by ten or so.  Nathan
and I would wait till about ten thirty (when the news ended).  By then
everyone would be soundly asleep.  Then our adventures usually began.

We locked our door.

At times we stayed up till late in the night watching scary movies on a
local channel.  Those usually included Frankenstein, Dracula, the WereWolf,
and assorted outer space aliens or 'The Creature From The Black Lagoon'.
(All this while cuddling under our covers, getting scared, having sex, or
just laying in each others arms).

Sometimes, if it was a warm night, we would open my window and ride the
antenna pole down to the ground and go to a local river, where Nathan and I
would set on a bank, he smoking his cigarette, and me throwing rocks in the
passing water.  When he finished his 'fag' (we called them that then...
hehe), we usually ended up making out and it always ended in a fuck fest.
I was always the sub in our relationship, accept for once.  Nathan got
regularly fucked by his brother, so its like it really wan't his favorite
thing to do.  And I never asked. But he loved his brother, and they were
close.

For months we kept a similar routine, which included anything and
everything a thirteen to fifteen year old might do.  (Who was gay...ha) We
did not do drugs, we did drink some, if we could sneek it.  Nathan smoked,
of course.

And we sucked, and fucked.

A lot.

      _______________________________________________________________


Some sixteen months after we first met, my Father came home and made an
announcement.  We were around the dinner table (most people ate 'supper'
together in the evening as a family then).  And Dad told us that his
schooling had ended on his Master's degree and that he had accepted a new
job in Illinois.  We were in Ohio.

It was obvious that he was so proud of his accomplishment and that my
Mother was all smiles over it.  She had hated this place from the
beginning.  It was away from her family, friends, and all she new.  Many
days had gone by while she was the perfect homemaker, raising all four of
us children, while Dad was gone to school and work. She wanted this more
than him.  She wanted to go back home.  Now she had that chance with my
Father's new position.  We would leave in two weeks.

I couldn't even begin to tell you how I felt.  I was the oldest child, a
boy at that.  I had just graduated from the eigth grade last month, and was
looking forward to High School (yet nervous, but I knew I had Nathan to
watch out for me).

I could not beleive my ears!  And I started crying.  I had to leave and go
to my room.

Since my father and I were not close, obviously it was my Mother who came
up to my room.

I was laying on my bed with my face down in the pillow, trying not to be
too loud.  And I could hardly control the tears and sobs.  I was shaking,
(but almost silently, if that's possible).

I could tell my Mom was standing there.  Then Mom sat down on the side of
the bed, and ran her fingers through my hair and didn't say a word, until
she leaned over, kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, 'I know you love
him, but it will be alright, you'll see!".

 And walked out.

(It was the only acknowledgement my family has ever given me of who I am.
My family, too this day, is super religious and homosexuality is a 'gross'
sin).

      ______________________________________________________________

It was Friday when Dad told us, and after i recovered a little, I left the
house and went over to Nathans.  He immediately asked me what was wrong.
(He saw my swollen and red eyes).  I said, '"Can we go to the river? I have
to tell you something".

We left, took a small pup tent and told his Mom where we would be.  My
family was use to me being at Nathan's on Friday nights, so they wouldn't
even call.

I didn't say anything at all, but just kept crying the whole way.  And even
Nathans' persistent questions couldn't pry it out of me. (Well, a lot of
that was because I knew i would start sobbing, and not be able to stop, and
I didn't want to do that..yet).

We got there, put up the tent, fiddled with a fire and sat down on the
bank.

And I told him.  At first I couldn't tell what he was doing cause his long
hair had fallen down on the sides, to cover his face.  And then he started
to cry.

And we cried and cried.
 
And Nathan held me, and his tears fell on my cheeks, and we didn't talk
much.

There were just no words.

I don't know how long we sat there. But it started getting chilly, and the
fire had died of its own consuming passion.

At some point we became aware that we were sore from setting, and chilly.
And we moved into the tent.

And we tore each others clothes off and made love, like there was no
tomorrow.

And it was that night that Nathan asked me to fuck him. It was the one and
only time that he wanted me to do that.  And it was my first time....and I
loved it!  He wanted to do it facing each other, so he spread out his long
beautiful fifteen year old smooth legs and invited me in.  He was not
really all that tight, (I know that now..he got too much from his brother),
but what did I know?.  It felt awesome!  Hot and warm, and it was so easy!
And I cum in him.

And I cried on his neck. And we kissed each other for the longest time.
And we lay together and fell asleep holding each other.

      _______________________________________________________________

Two weeks later we moved.

 I think I told you previously what happened after our parting.

 I lost touch with Nathan.  I went into a very serious depression, for
almost two years. (Despite my symptoms and request for help, I recieved
none.  I don't judge anyone for that. Back then mental illness was
percieved differently).

Only the years, new friends, new circumstances, some counseling, have
allowed me to move on.

And of course,I appreciate so much this forum for the telling of this
story.  Now I make a yearly visit to Nathan's grave.

It makes it possible to live, and see the beauty in those moments in time.

And to learn to appreciate the moment.  Because it may not come again.

Thank you for listening to our story.  Chris And Nathan