Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2008 06:35:03 -0500
From: Jonathan Matthews <jonafunu@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Untellable Truth about Jake (Chapters 8-12)

****AUTHOR'S NOTE****

Not that I feel I need to keep reminding you, but don't read this if it's
illegal where you are, if you're underage or if you don't like the man boy
love scenario. I wanted to once again thank my royal readers for their
compliments, I am more appreciative than you know. There are so many things
that have resonated with me, especially one reader who has found himself
within Jake. If my story is in some small way capable of helping someone,
then I feel the expectations I have for my words have been far exceeded.
Please keep the comments (and criticisms) coming, I have replied to every
email so far and hope to continue. Jonafunu@hotmail.com

***********************

Chapter Eight

                As the door stood open between us, it became immediately
apparent that hiding my hangover was going to be impossible. The smile on
Colby's face had vanished instantly, being replaced with a quizzical
expression, "What's wrong? You look like my Dad..." His final words kind of
trailed off as he seemed disturbed by the concept.

                I sighed a little, looking down at his face with as much
enthusiasm as I could muster, "Nothing's wrong, I've just had a bad night
is all."

                Colby cocked his head to the side, taking a few steps in
allowing his messenger bag to fall to the floor, "Are you sick?"

                I shook my head, "Nope just sad."

                He frowned a little, Colby was extremely adorable even when
he was concerned, and it warmed my heart a bit even if I didn't feel like
rehashing the events of the past couple of days.

                "Do you want to talk about it?" He queried.

                I laughed a little, rubbing the back of my head, "I think
you're a little young to understand."

                I watched Colby's face turn to one of frustration, "I'm not
that young, I thought we were friends."

                I sighed and relented, this wasn't an argument that I would
soon win, "Very well, have a seat."

                Colby nodded and walked over to the loveseat, he sat on the
edge and never once let his eyes lose their grip with mine. Those deep blue
eyes, almost the same color as mine, held so much about his soul. They were
the window to seeing what he felt; his concern, his love, his joy, his
sadness... I had spent more than one day looking into them for as long as
was humanly possible.

                "Well you know Susan went off to college in Massachusetts?"
Colby nodded, letting his feet deposit his shoes in the floor before he
wrapped them beneath him Indian style.

                "Well I was working the other day and Marcus... or
Marco... well he wants to go to college too."

                Colby smiled a little, "That's cool, and why doesn't he
just stay at the same college as you?"

                I hesitated a moment, he apparently didn't understand the
differences between community college and an actual university, not that I
expected it. "Well the school we go to is a community college, which means
anyone can go. They can only teach you so much before you go on and do
something else, or just get a paper saying you can do something and make a
little more money than you usually could. At any rate, he wants to go to a
school called Brown and it's a really great place like Harvard."

                Colby nodded, still looking a tad perplexed by my remarks.

                "It's really hard to explain why I'm sad, I know that you
don't know this about me but I just don't have a lot of ambition, do you
know what that is?"

                Colby nodded, "It means you don't want to do anything
important."

                I nodded back; I was impressed he knew the meaning. "Yeah
like I love playing video games and I don't like to work a whole lot. I
mean I want to go to a better college one day but I just don't want to go
now. I want to enjoy what I'm doing and spend time with you." I smiled at
Colby gently as he giggled in return.

                "Then I like that you don't have any ambition."

                I sighed a little and smiled warmly at him; I couldn't help
but do it. "I like it too but everyone that's my age tends to go off and do
adult things and they expect me to do them too. I really don't want to,
well I do, I just don't think I'm ready."

                Colby nodded and began to speak, immediately shutting his
lips. He looked up at the ceiling trying to think of something to say. I
was about to tell him that it was alright, that I understood that he didn't
completely understand my dilemma, how could he? Then he suddenly began to
speak himself.

                "It's kind of like my Dad though. He really likes to work a
lot and he never wants to spend anytime with me. I don't care, I don't like
him. I think that he has too much ambition though, and maybe you don't have
any but that makes you cool. I think you maybe need to have a little so
people can think you are a good adult but you don't need to be as serious
as everybody else. If you were as serious as my Dad I wouldn't like you."

                I stopped and stared at him, every word he said made sense
to me and he really understood what I was trying to say. I had begun to
think of Colby as an enabler, being around him made it easier for me to be
immature and I liked that. He understood though that I was different, that
I lacked ambition and what having too much ambition meant. "You're right;
you are a very smart kid Colby."

                Colby giggled, "Thanks." I smiled at him "So I maybe had a
few too many drinks last night so that's why I look like this. I drink
whenever I'm sad."

                Colby rolled his eyes, "Beer is so nasty you shouldn't
drink."

                I laughed heartily, it amazed me that kids always felt that
way, I included hated beer as a child the few times I managed to sneak a
sip. It always amazed me how much ones taste buds develop over time, "After
the pain I've been through this morning I don't think I ever will again."

                Colby grinned sheepishly and tapped his head to which I
nodded, "Yeah, big headache."

                I felt the need to break the conversation, it felt very
good to get that off of my chest but I wanted for Colby to enjoy himself
and not become bogged down with adult worries, "Want to play a game?"

                Colby shrugged and looked out of the window behind him, "Do
you want to go for a walk?"

                I smiled and nodded, "Sure."

--

                As we made our way down the sidewalk, I was grateful to
have a coat with me finally.  The cold air actually seemed to be finishing
off my headache and I watched as Colby kept a few paces ahead, skipping
occasionally and allowing his eyes to dart across the various lawns covered
in Christmas decorations. "Are you looking forward to Christmas?" I asked,
trying to break the strange silence between us.

                Colby turned and nodded, continually walking backwards as
he spoke, "Yep I like looking at all the decorations and I think I'm gonna
get a lot of presents this year."

                I smiled, "So you already wrote Santa?"

                Colby's nose scrunched up, "I don't believe in Santa
anymore."

                I mouthed an `oh', looking at Colby's expectant face, "You
know I still believe in Santa."

                Colby looked perplexed, "You do?"

                I nodded firmly, twisting my finger in a circular direction
so he would turn around and not fall over the curb that was fast
approaching, "If I didn't I wouldn't get any presents."

                "Cause you don't have a Mom and Dad?" Colby asked,
decreasing his pace a little so we were walking next to each other. I
nodded in response.

                "I remember once when I was twelve, I hadn't believed in
Santa for a few years and I really wanted a bicycle for Christmas. I kept
leaving hints for my Mom, notes under her pillow, ads under her coffee mug
on the counter; I would have done anything for a bike. One day she sat me
down and told me that we just couldn't afford it. She didn't want me to be
disappointed and she told me that I probably wouldn't get much for
Christmas that year. I wasn't happy about it but I understand, she never
had a good paying job like your Mom and I have and I made a decision, I
figured that I would write Santa about it."

                Colby looked over at me, his face was fairly mellow as he
listened intensively, "Well sure enough Christmas came and the exact bike I
wanted was sitting there. Now I don't know if Mom managed to get the money
at the last minute or what, but I've written Santa every year sense."

                Colby's expression was one of delight, I appeared to have
struck a cord with him, "You mean really? You aren't lying to me?" I shook
my head.

                "Nope, not a single word of that is untrue, so if you
choose to believe in Santa or not is up to you, but as for me I still
believe."

                Colby grinned and grabbed my hand, we rounded the corner of
the sidewalk, "I think I'll write him then."

                I nodded as we continued on, one of the many parks in the
city coming into sight.  A group of boys around the same age as Colby were
playing and Colby was becoming torn.

                "If you want to go play you can, don't worry about me."

                Colby smiled appreciatively, "Cool! Thanks!" He ran off to
join the others boys who accepted him immediately. I sat on the bench and
silently watched, enjoying the wisdom that youth doth impart or something
like that.

Chapter Nine

                Within a few hours I found myself negotiating a box of
macaroni and cheese. I never really had any talent when it came to cooking,
which made Susan's departure much more stressful. It was easy to go out and
eat by myself, and relatively cheap, but when I had Colby over I knew that
I couldn't just load him down with fast food and expect everything to be
okay. I bloated my cheeks, deeply concerned that no measurement for the
water was provided.

                I pulled out a pot and filled it to the top, nearly
dropping it on the way to the stove as water sloshed out onto the floor and
more importantly onto my feet, I let out a yell to which Colby quickly came
to investigate, "Are you okay!? Why is there water all over you?"

                I groaned a little, "Sorry I just spilled some water..."

                Colby giggled a little, "Isn't that a little much?"

                I shrugged "It doesn't say how much I needed so I figured
the more the better..."

                Colby shook his head and took the pot from me, depositing
half of the water into the sink and putting the pot on the stove. His arm
barely reached, but he managed to turn the burner from low, where I had
placed it, to medium-high. He looked up at me and shook his head, "Even I
know how to cook macaroni and cheese."

                I groaned and stomped out of the kitchen to change my
pants, watching Colby laughing intensely as I did so. He had bested me at
something finally much to my dismay, although I supposed it was alright for
him to feel he had accomplished something. By the time I managed to slip
into a pair of pajama bottoms and walk down the hallway towards the
kitchen, Colby had already exited to inquire about the location of a
strainer.

                Upon handing him the strainer and watching him deposit the
now cooked macaroni into it, I was amazed at what speed he managed to
apprehend the margarine and milk, placing them, along with the macaroni,
into the pot and mixing them into what appeared to be the same concoction
on the box, "You sir, are a chef." I commented as he giggled, spooning some
into a bowl and handing it to me.

                As we sat and watched television I was perfectly contented
eating the macaroni, it was better than anything I could have made. The
idea of taking a cooking class or two suddenly wafted into my mind, not
everyone was a natural of course and I could use all the help I could
get. Colby sat on the floor watching television, visions of my Mother
telling me to back away so as not to ruin my eyesight ran back to me. I
pushed my glasses up on my nose and silently grumbled to myself, although I
wasn't entirely sure that was the reason for my bad eyes.

                Colby turned his head as he deposited the last of his
macaroni into his mouth, swallowing hard. "Do you want some more?"



                I shook my head, staring down at the bowl below me, "This
is more than enough, but REALLY good thank you."

                He smiled, "Can I come sit in your lap?" I nodded in reply.

                As he climbed upon my lap, I reached my arms around him so
I could still have access to my bowl and eat. I carefully took each bite,
reminding myself that his head was neither a table nor a catch all for
carelessly handled food. He watched through me, not seeming to care,
giggling at whatever show was on. There was little more than him that I
could concentrate on whenever he decided to sit there.

                As I swallowed the last bite and placed the bowl next to us
on the sofa, I wrapped my arms around him and rested my chin atop his head,
"Thanks for the dinner."

                He nodded but never broke his eyes away from the
television, apparently deeply enthralled in whatever was occurring. My hand
managed to find his stomach as I slid inside of his shirt, gently caressing
it.

                "BRING!"  came the doorbell as we were both shocked from
our moment of pleasure (although both were for completely different
reasons.) Colby slid off of my lap and groaned a little, "I didn't get to
write my letter yet." I smiled and ruffled his hair before standing next to
him.

                "There's always tomorrow."

                As I approached the door and opened it, the vision of
Stephanie wafted inside, her bright white shirt tucked into a pair of black
slacks and even blacker shoes that still bore traces of spaghetti
sauce. Stephanie's second job was as a waitress, and she seemed to make a
very good living at it. Mind you I have no affinity for females, and thus
do not consider myself an expert on what makes a woman sexually attractive,
but I assumed Stephanie would be considered thus.

                "Hey guy, have fun?" She smiled at me sheepishly and walked
in. I closed the door behind her as she groaned, holding her back. Colby
hugged her tightly as she did, causing her to stumble a bit before finally
returning it.

                "Were you good for Jake?" She questioned, as Colby broke
the hug and looked up at her with his pearly whites filling the room with
their luminance.

                "Yep! I even made dinner, Jake can't cook at all!" He
laughed hard from his belly, making him look a bit like the man he wanted
to write to moments before.

                "Yeah Jake isn't exactly Susie homemaker, what did you
make?"

                "Macaroni."  He commented with a look of pride and personal
accomplishment.

                "There's still more if you want some." I commented,
standing by the door and watching the two interact with mild amusement.

                "Oh I'm fine; I had a little something at the restaurant
earlier." She yawned and stretched, trying to maintain consciousness
despite the many hours she had already put in that day. "I guess we better
get going."

                Colby began to pout, to which Stephanie replied with a very
stern Motherly expression.  Colby's protruding lip quickly found its normal
place and he nodded begrudgingly, "Yes mam."

                As he found his coat and I helped him slip into it,
Stephanie smiled at me gently, "Do you want me to help you start packing
this weekend?"

                I shrugged, "Fine with me I guess. When does Colby go on
Christmas break?" Colby chided in.

                "Friday is my last day!"

                I smiled down at him, "Well I guess you're just going to
have to come help me pack this weekend huh?"

                He giggled a little and rubbed the back of his own head,
emulating me for the first time, "Guess so!"

                Stephanie smiled first to Colby and then back to me, "Well
we're off, and he'll be here tomorrow at the same time."

                I nodded as the two escaped into the cold night air, Colby
gripping his messenger back tight against him. As they walked out into the
night I saw a taxi waiting, an expense that Stephanie rarely utilized but
one definitely required on a night like this. As we waved our goodbyes I
watched them crawl inside and hasten away down the road. The whole
experience reminded me a bit of the moment Susan had left. Thankfully this
taxi ride wouldn't leave me so empty.

                "It's stopped raining." I commented and smiled, the air was
brisk but not a cloud could be seen. Truly miracles still happened.

Chapter Ten

                As my alarm sounded loud and clear the next morning, I
began to regret having swapped shifts with Marco. I had completely
forgotten about taking the Tuesday shift, something I was now forced to do
to make up the rent money I lost because of Susan's departure, and as usual
was going to work a night shift. I didn't feel much like spending time with
Colby at work, as enjoyable as it was, and wanted to be able to spend the
entire afternoon with him at home.

                Marco had called me the previous evening after Colby's
departure begging that I swap shifts with him; it was a win-win. "Please
Jake I'm begging you!"

                I laughed a little to myself, I wasn't necessarily a
vindictive person but I enjoyed watching people squirm, or hearing them
squirm as the case had been, "Very well I'll do it. Just know that if Rob
gives me any issues I'll blame it all on you."

                He laughed in response, "Thanks you're a real life saver."

                So here I was, the consequences of having relented and
desiring to spend time with Colby had left me awake at this ungodly
hour. The fact the sun had yet to rise made it even worse. The smell of my
automatic coffee maker downstairs gave me hope as I nearly fell out of bed,
walking slowly down the stairs and into my kitchen.

                After apprehending my favorite lavender coffee cup, the
only keepsake I had of my Mother's, I poured it nearly to the brim and
mixed my traditional packet of artificial sweetener into it. As the cup met
my lips and I swallowed the hot liquid greedily, I looked out of the
kitchen window into my neighbor's lawn. My neighbor, whom I've rarely
spoken to, was happily married and a smoker. He spent the majority of his
time outside inhaling in quick succession of the tubes that made his
existence bearable, and I was in a very rare charitable mood.

                I slid open the back door and poked my head out, the frigid
air enough to turn my coffee into an ice cube, "Hey! If you want to smoke
in here you can, I have fresh coffee!" He waved, his arm shivering in the
cold as he made the hasty journey to my back porch and inside.

                "Th..th..thanks!"  He said with teeth chattering against
the cold that pervaded his every limb.

                I nodded and handed him a coffee cup baring the image of a
cat, watching as he deposited another eighth of my morning brew into it and
quickly swallowed it to warm himself.

                "That's great." He remarked as he closed his eyes.

                I guess I should explain a little about my neighbor so this
doesn't seem so damned weird. He is a little older than me at twenty five
and as I said happily married. He graduated from college about a year ago
with a degree in engineering and found himself out the door at seven every
morning. On the rare occasion that I actually spoke to him, it was your
typical `hello' or `have a great day'. I never paid him very much attention
beyond that until one fateful night about three months ago.

                Susan and I were out for a night on the town, on one of the
rare occasions she made me go, and we were hopping back and forth from bar
to bar along `Vaseline Alley' (the area containing the collective of gay
bars in downtown Portland) and we came upon a little hole in the wall and
walked in to buy a beer. There is a lovely outside patio area where we
found a table and sat, remarking on the array of different twinks as they
passed, no doubt going to find Mr. Right Now.

                One man in particular got our attention, a man that didn't
really fit the typical mold of the ones that hang around this area. He was
rather tall and awkward in a pair of three inch heels and a strange almost
church lady like dress draped over his broad shoulders. His fake breasts
were lopsided and his makeup looked as though it were applied by a drunken
monkey. There was something about him that seemed somehow familiar to us,
but I was unable to put my finger on it.

                Susan, in her typical boisterous fashion, was first to
figure it out, "Oh my God!  SAM!" She yelled out, causing the drag queen to
nearly trip and turn. He stared at us with his eyes large, and a look of
fear. As soon as he looked it became apparent which Sam she was talking
about. I mouthed an `Oh my God' as well and he ran up to the patio to plead
with us for confidentiality.

                Sam was, as you've probably ascertained by this point, our
neighbor. Mr. Straight and Narrow Sam was far from what one would see in
Vaseline Alley and definitely not someone you'd ever see in drag. Susan
invited him up to the table to have a drink with us and in a drunken stupor
he explained himself.

                "It's hard man! I try so hard to make enough money for her
and that kid, I just can't do it! I had to do something! One of the guys at
work told me about the competition and I lost. What a fucking joke."  He
slammed his head on the table a couple of times, looking both defeated and
forlorn.

                Susan in her typical comforting fashion slid next to him
and wrapped her arm around him, "Look we're not going to tell anyone I
understand that raising a family is hard. Hell, I watch you every morning
outside smoking like a zombie."

                He sniffled a little and raised his head, "Promise not to
tell?"

                Susan nodded to which they both looked at me. I stared down
into my beer with a mischievous expression on my face, this was too
much. "WELL!?" She asked with a threatening tone in her voice. I blew a
little and rolled my eyes, "Yes, fine."

                He smiled at me, "Thanks guy I really appreciate it."

                From that moment on, he had come over on the early mornings
Susan had class to enjoy a cup of coffee and a cigarette with her. She had
become his venting post, and she was more than happy to do it. Although I
was never up at that hour and never really heard any of their
conversations, I understood what that relationship meant to Sam and how
much it hurt him when she had decided to go to Massachusetts.

                He hadn't made the attempt to come over at any time since
and I assumed that it was because we never had that relationship, and was
well aware of my avoidance of being up at this ungodly hour.

                "Why are you up so early?" He asked as he offered me a
cigarette, to which I grabbed one and lit the tip.

                "Swapped shifts with a guy at work, I'm trying to make some
extra money so I can still afford rent."

                He nodded, "Yeah with Susan being gone, damn I miss her..."

                I smiled supportively, "Yeah she was pretty great, so how's
work?"

                He sighed a little, "It's getting better, I finally got a
raise so no more drag competitions." He laughed nervously to which I
snorted into my coffee, almost dropping my cigarette.

                "Yeah you were truly a vision of beauty, no idea why you
gave that up."

                He smiled at me and tipped his coffee cup over depositing
the last few drops into his mouth, "Good to the last drop."

                "That's what it says on the label." I inhaled another drag
of my cigarette.

                "So who's the kid that keeps coming over?" He asked
suddenly, causing me to break from my moment of self satisfaction.

                "Oh, well, his name is Colby I'm taking care of him for a
friend of mine."

                "That's nice of you." Sam commented, running a hand through
his messy red hair.

                "Yeah...  he's... great..." I commented, not really sure
what to say.

                "Yeah little Mike is great, keeps getting bigger every
day. It's hard to believe he's two already."

                I nodded, little Mike was Sam's son and what a bundle of
ginger energy he was.

                "How's the ball and chain?" I asked teasingly, trying to
get the conversation away from Colby, a subject I wasn't entirely
comfortable talking about.

                "Oh Meredith? She's great I guess, she is taking care of
some kids after school.  You two have a lot in common." He laughed a
little.

                I just groaned silently to myself, beginning to regret
having invited him over. I wasn't exactly good at conversations with
straight men. "Ah look at the time."  I remarked as I deposited my
cigarette into an ashtray that sat on the edge of the counter.

                "Oh yeah, I need to get going too, thanks for the coffee!"
Sam said awkwardly with this strange sort of half wave, have thank you
thing that he did. I nodded and watched as he escaped back into the yard,
darting back into his and inside to doubtlessly masturbate about his
perfect job, wife and son.

                I put my empty cup in the sink and walked up the stairs to
take a shower. "What the hell did Susan see in him?"

Chapter Eleven

                As I pulled into the parking lot with only minutes to spare
until opening, I was shocked to find that Rob's car wasn't there, and
equally as shocked with what would happen next. As I stepped out and went
to the door to unlock it, the somewhat unfamiliar sound of a sports car
pulling into the parking lot reached my ears. I had turned in time to see a
red Peugeot park and the formidable presence of the owner step out into the
cold air.

                He wasn't an unattractive man, reminding me very much of
Sean Connery during his time as James Bond, and his disposition was one of
a very intelligent and very well intentioned gentleman. His blue Armani
suite seemed to perfectly match his Dior tie and a look of both exhaustion
and self confidence was plastered across his face.

                "Sure wish you wouldn't have swapped shifts this is awfully
early for a man like me to be awake."

                I stood back a bit, not entirely sure what to say. He was
the sort of man that women drooled for and the sort of entrepreneur that
even Donald Trump envied, there was an air about him that made him seem
presidential, and I wasn't as skilled at being a snide asshole around him
as I was with others, "Sorry?" I mouthed with little confidence in my
voice.

                "Oh it's all the same; I do have a very important
conversation to have with you though."

                I swallowed deeply, fumbling with the key to try and unlock
the front door, I wasn't sure whether to be hopeful or dismayed. I managed
to unlock the door and invite him inside, locking it behind me as I
disarmed the security system and stood there, trying my best to will away
the wrinkles on my pants.

                "Come sit, come sit young man." He held his arm out,
pointing at a table in the far corner. As I sat down I began to feel very
much like a criminal in an interrogation room.

                "Now I'm sure you're wondering why I came here to talk to
you today."

                I nodded, completely incapable of speech.

                "Well I made the decision to let young Robert go, and while
he didn't take that very well it certainly has opened possibilities for
other baristas."

                I blinked, I never really liked Rob but he had an intense
devotion to this place.  This place was meant to fail; this place was meant
to be a joke. He was the only one that ever really cared about it. It
somehow seemed unjust to me that the most devoted among us would be tossed
away like trash.

                "It was almost a year ago to this day that I had a very
similar conversation to the one I'm about to have with you, with our young
Robert. He has both failed and disappointed me greatly. He cared a lot
about numbers and had ambitions, but he did little to realize them. I know
that I don't come around a lot but I know a lot about you all. I know what
you think about and how you feel. Don't think for a moment that I am not
just a step away from any of your lives and that you work here under the
delusion that I don't care or value your contributions."

                I swallowed a little, this was tremendously different from
my original interview with him where he explained the restaurant's purpose
and that it was meant to be a failure.

                "I remember well when you first came to me and I told you
about this place, you had spirit and absolutely no ambition. Now that Susan
is gone, and you have been here for so long, I know that it's time that you
made a change in your life. I think that you are good and well ready to
take on some responsibility now aren't you?"

                I mouthed a silent yes, lying through my teeth simply
because I was curious to hear what he had to say.

                "I'm going to make you the exact same offer I made Robert a
year ago. He was always full of ideas and was very good with the money and
the product, but apparently I was wrong about his ability to turn this
place around. I think what we need is the opposite, a dreamer, a visionary,
someone much like you."

                He poked me in the chest with that last word,
`yourself'. It actually hurt a little, apparently he was a tad stronger
than he realized. I must admit I was happy that he considered me the
opposite of Rob, that was always my ultimate ambition, but I knew what he
was about to offer me and I wasn't happy about it.

                "I want you to turn this place into a great coffee house,
sparing no expense. I want to see this place thriving; I want to see this
place turning out customers like you wouldn't believe. If you can succeed,
then you will become my general manager and will have a nice paycheck to
show for it."

                I blinked and sat back, I had expected to be asked to be
manager but not the profit making ideal that he suddenly spoke of. I now
knew why Rob had gone from being a fairly laid back, push button nerd into
such an ass. I finally felt regret for picking on him.

                "But sir, this place is supposed to be a joke."

                The man nodded in understanding and laughed a little,
running his fingers through his salt and pepper hair, "Indeed it was. There
are a great number of other businesses that I can use for my own tax
purposes, I'm tired of seeing such a great set up go to waste. I think you
can really do something that Rob never could."

                I gently grasped my hands together under the table, unable
to effectively put what I wanted to say into words.

                "Then it's settled? Do you accept?"

                I shook my head.

                "Then you don't?

                I shook my head again, opening my mouth slightly and
fighting for something to say, "I don't think I can do it, I mean, I don't
have what it takes sir." I said in a very squeaky tone.

                "Doubt is a funny thing my son, but not trying is selling
yourself short." He commented, his hands animatedly following his speech on
the table top.

                "Can I be level with you?" I asked, managing to gather some
confidence. He nodded. "I know that what you are doing is great, and anyone
here would be thrilled to accept it but I just am not the person you should
be talking to. Sir, I have spent the last week or so analyzing my life and
accepting that I'm a slacker, that I've not done anything meaningful. I
just finally decided yesterday to begin THINKING about going to a real
college. I know what you're offering me is well intentioned, and I
appreciate it, but I need to work on me before I start handling turning
around a shit hole, no offense."

                He nodded and sat back, rubbing his chin slightly with a
look mingled in both sadness and deep thought.

                "I can't afford to lose this job; it's just me alone
here. I really can't do it without it. I promise you that if you find
someone that can turn all this around that I'll work hard for you, but
please don't put me in a position where I have to decide either or."

                He laughed uproariously, his face turning a bizarre shade
of red that usually followed prolonged exposure to the sun. "Fire you? That
is far from what I'm going to do. Very well, you've convinced me, you
aren't ready to take on that responsibility. As long as
you... entertain... the idea of going to college you can still work for
me. I do however have a favor to ask of you."

                I nodded, "Sure, anything."

                He sat back so that the front legs of his chair came off
the ground, "I want you to pick who I make this offer to."

                I nodded, it was still a tad bit more responsibility than I
wanted, but it was certainly better than being the chief himself.

                As he rose to go, providing me with a bone crushing
handshake, he patted my shoulder and smiled a little, "Make up some posters
that I'm hiring a new general manager and to turn all applications into you
for consideration."

                Before I could protest he had already escaped through the
front door and back into the blistering cold. As soon as he drove out of
sight I buried my face in my hands and groaned, "THIS SUCKS!"

                I managed to brew coffee into the carafes and set out some
frozen pastry selections in the front of the kiosk after regaining my
composure. I unlocked the door, a full thirty minutes after it was supposed
to be (not that it mattered) and crawled back into the kiosk to pout a
little. My assistant would be arriving at eight although I wasn't entirely
sure who that would be.

Chapter Twelve

                I utilized those last thirty minutes of relative silence to
take a small nap, my hat pulled in tight over my face. I liked to think of
myself as resembling a cowboy in an old western whenever I did this,
although I'm almost certain the ball cap didn't provide the same effect.

                I was struck awake by the jingling of the bell above the
entrance door, as an odd sort of fellow walked in, "Benjamin." I said
without showing I had been sleeping.

                Benjamin, or Benjamin Alexander Gross as was his full name,
was the most conflicted individual I had met in my entire life. He had a
thick head of blonde hair, enough pimples to win a sausage pizza look alike
contest and was rather rotund and low to the ground. If one could personify
a geek, the exact definition of what one pictures when that word is
uttered, Benjamin would fit the bill entirely too well.

                He had worshiped the ground that Rob walked upon and was
the perfect candidate for General Manager if I was a masochist. He did his
best to fit in with everyone, even going so far as trying to befriend Colby
who quickly set about hiding.  When he got around to me, he confessed he
had been curious about his sexuality for some time and wanted to "bed"
me. Needless to say I let him down gently, with the slow and even
temperament that I always displayed to those I adore.

                I believe my response started as a giggle, then a laugh,
then a side splitting guffaw and ended with me nearly ending my life on a
pickle that was on the hamburger I was eating at the time. I felt it was
smooth anyway...

                "Jake, we meet again." Benjamin spoke in an even tone,
pushing his taped glasses up onto his nose.

                "Indeed we do." I commented, smiling from ear to ear and
attempting to forget the fateful day that I dashed his hopes of "bedding"
me. Benjamin rounded the counter and walked inside, pulling on an apron and
tying it tight against him.  I stared in utter disbelief that Marco would
put me in such a position.

                "Where is Master Rob?" He asked in a curious tone,
squinting to make sure the expiration dates on the pastries were many days
beyond the current one.

                "How should I know? He was canned the other day."

                A look of pure delight crossed over Benjamin's face as he
threw his fist into the air in a way that resembled some sort of ancient
tribal expression, "Excellent!" He proclaimed.

                My eyebrow rose to an arch, "I thought you adored the
ground he walked upon?"

                "Merely part of my ultimate plan to procure the acceptance
of upper management. He was a feeble minded fool, incapable of running this
establishment in the same manner that I could."

                I swallowed a little; I could already tell that accepting
the applications for general manager would return the same awkward
relationship we once shared.  "Yeah so, do you mind if I step out I have to
get some office supplies?"

                He pushed his glasses up on his nose again, squinting in my
general direction, "What sort of replies young master?"

                I sighed, "Not that it matters but I need some markers and
poster board to do a...  project for the owner."

                "A project for the owner? Well why didn't you say so! No
need for him to waste our dwindling cash on something so trivial, I have an
entire collective of, as you say, "office supplies" in my trunk." He
laughed heartily to himself, apparently enjoying whatever verbal gaffe I
had just made.

                "Yeah fine, whatever, where are they?" He smiled exposing
his brace covered teeth and led me outside to his Scion, unlocking the
hatch and revealing an array of Magic the Gathering card, discarded
computer components, paper, poster board and yes, even markers.

                I nodded and took a piece of poster board along with a
single black marker, and raced back inside the restaurant. I set the items
down on an empty table and went into the back searching for a pair of
scissors.

                "What are you looking for? And do you require assistance? I
am most skilled at the fine art of calligraphy."

                I shuddered a little at the sound of his voice, managing to
locate a pair before I had to ask him for something else. "Got all I need
thanks." I pushed past him and went over to the table, planting myself
firmly and setting to work on cutting the poster board in two.

                Benjamin walked over and stood over me, examining my
cutting skills apparently, "You realize that's not a perfect cut right?"

                I groaned and held my temples between my thumb and index
finger, "Perfection isn't the goal."

                "So are you going to tell me what said project is?"

                I slammed my fist down on the table, causing him to step
back a little, "The owner wants me to find the next general manager and he
asked for me to make signs so everyone knew about it."

                A look of befuddled surprise crossed Benjamin's face as he
scrambled to straighten his hat and tuck his shirt further into his pants,
"I see..." He grew suddenly silent and quickly ran behind the kiosk,
waiting for an imaginary customer to arrive.

                After cutting the poster board in half, I began writing on
one piece in my own handwriting, simply to annoy Benjamin. It read: NOW
HIRING GENERAL MANAGER.  GIVE YOUR APPLICATION TO JAKE. I nodded in
approval and set forth on replicating the text on the remaining piece.

                Upon completing the other piece and reaffixing the cap to
the marker, Benjamin quickly appeared, removing his hat and bowing to me
deeply, "I apologize for my previous manners, would you like for me to hang
this for you Master Jake?"

                I shrugged, "Sure, put up this stuff while you're at it."

                He nodded in vigorous enthusiasm, setting forth on the task
assigned to him as though it were a life or death situation. I was fairly
certain that if one measured the angle at which he laid those scissors on
the desk in the back office, it would be in perfect relation to the wall. I
took the opportunity to walk behind the kiosk and pop an iced coffee open,
drinking it and sighing to no one in particular. "Silence." I mused.

                The rest of the day was uneventful, the two customers that
came in were quickly greeted by Benjamin and whatever time I wasn't
spending watching his bizarre attempts to serve our customers with,
"prodigious grace" as he put it, I was watching him scrub the floors
intensely or dust the myriad of fixtures and bizarre paintings lining the
violently purple walls. It didn't exactly come to me immediately why he
felt working his ass off would make a slacker chose him for such a job, but
I found mild amusement in it at least.

                By the time three-thirty had arrived my replacement hadn't,
and I felt the need to leave anyway, "Can you keep an eye on the place by
yourself?" Benjamin stood stark upright and placed his right fist against
his heart, "Your challenge is accepted and I will do so with all my heart!"

                I rolled my eyes, depositing the apron onto the counter,
"Whatever excites you."

                By the time I turned into my driveway I could see the
outline of Colby sitting on the porch, his bus had arrived early for some
reason. I stepped out and waved but Colby said nothing, his head perched on
both of his fists, a thoughtful expression emblazoned on his face. I locked
the door behind me and joined him, sitting next to him and placing my hand
on his shoulder.

                "Sorry I'm late, I worked the morning shift so we could be
together and you usually don't get here this early."

                "S'ok, I walked." He replied with a muffled tone to his
voice.

                "Are you mad at me?" I asked, becoming increasingly scared
of what the reply may be.

                He reached both of his arms around me and hugged me
tightly, "No." He said with his face buried deep into my side.

                "Well there has to be something wrong with you. I told you
what was wrong with me yesterday." I ran my fingers through his hair to
coax him into speaking. He looked up from my side; it became obvious that
he had been crying.

                "A boy picked on me today for being friends with a girl..."
He said with limited enthusiasm. I smiled a little, trying to be
supportive, but never once did his gaze meet my own.

                "Kids can be really mean; I got picked on a lot when I was
your age."

                Colby wiped his eyes, removing tears that didn't seem to
want to come anymore. "He called me gay, why is that so bad?"

                I sighed and wrapped my arm tightly around his shoulder,
drawing him close. "Well that's kind of a long conversation to have; do you
want to go inside?"

                He nodded as we both stood, walking up the stairs. I
unlocked the door as quickly as I could, watching as he deposited his
messenger bag and sat on the loveseat in the same place he had the day
before. I sat on the sofa and turned so I was looking at him. He looked me
in the eyes for a moment before looking away, I wasn't exactly sure why he
was reacting in this manner, and it was a side of Colby I'd never seen
before.

                "Well Colby..." I began, sighing heavily. "Do you know what
gay is?"

                Colby nodded, "Yeah it's what you are; you like boys."

                I nodded in return and reached inside the chest, trying to
find a much needed cigarette.

                "That's very true and you are very right Colby. Being gay
is, well, it's not what everyone is. Most boys like girls and most girls
like boys, but every now and then someone's born that only likes people
that are the same sex as them, like me."

                Colby looked at me finally, a look of curiosity growing on
his face, I smiled as I managed to grab a pack of generic cigarettes and
slammed one in my mouth, lighting the tip and inhaling as deeply as I
could.

                "It wasn't that long ago that people like me weren't
allowed to talk about it at all, there are still people today that think
that being gay is really bad or that God doesn't like it."

                Colby nodded a little, I inhaled again, depositing an ash
into an errant ashtray located on the same side table as my laptop.

                "Does he?" Colby asked, referring to God.

                "I don't know sweetie but I think that God wants us to be
happy. I like boys and that's what makes me happy."

                He smiled a little, a bit of his confidence about my
identity returning apparently.

                "Those people that think its bad like to make fun of gay
people, or people that act gay. Acting gay is, well, it's different for
everyone. It can mean that you act more like a girl, or like pink things,
or, well, it's really difficult to explain."

                "So because I hung out with Lisa he thought I was gay?"
Colby remarked.

                "I don't know if he thought you were gay but because you
are a young boy and want to hang out with a girl he probably thought that
was something only a gay person would do."

                Colby nodded, I couldn't tell if he completely understood
or not but he acted as though he did.

                "I hope that you don't think being gay is a bad thing, but
you are always going to meet someone that thinks it is. It's not really
easy being like me I'll never be loved by everyone, but it's just reality."

                Colby smiled deeply, "I know it's not wrong because you are
cool, nothing about you is wrong."

                I smiled and blushed; I had more than a small amount of
appreciation for the fact he felt that way.

                "Am I gay?" Colby asked suddenly, causing my smile to
lessen and my blushing to intensify. How the hell do you answer a question
like that?

                "That's not, that is, that isn't a question I can answer
for you." I laughed nervously, rubbing the back of my head.

                "Why not?" Colby asked, his eyes growing large in surprise
that I couldn't actually answer a question that he asked.

                "It's complicated, it's not just that you like boys, or
rather you do, I mean... I don't know what I mean!" I shook my head and put
my hands over my face, trying to hide my frustration the best I could. I
had never become flustered around Colby before and if ever there was an
admission I wanted to hear from Colby, this was it, but I wasn't about to
guide him to believe he was something that he wasn't.

                "That like, I want to kiss boys?" Colby asked.

                I removed my hands from my face and turned to look at
Colby, a look of general confusion covering his face, "Yes and other
things..."

                Colby smiled a little, "I like kissing you."

                I blushed and felt my crotch stir a little. The words he
had spoken were adorable, but his knowledge of what sort of kiss he needed
to desire, was severely lacking.

                "It's a different kind of kiss..." I muttered silently.

                "Like what? The kisses in movies?"

                I bit my lip, fighting intensely to control myself at this
point. Childhood curiosity was one thing, and lord knows I've been asked an
array of questions covering a breadth of topics before, but this was
uncharted waters to say the least.  "Yeah." I said simply.

                "I might like that; you can kiss me if you want." Colby
said, his legs swinging over the side of the love seat. My heart caught in
my throat as I sat there, my blood felt as though it was flowing a million
miles a minute. My penis had grown completely hard and was pressing against
the confines of my black pants.  I swallowed deeply, staring into those
blue eyes that haunted me.

                I stool gently and walked over to him, each step seeming to
last an eternity. Colby was smiling from ear to ear and looked up at me
expectantly. I allowed my left hand to fall onto his shoulder, my gaze
never once leaving his. I bent over gently, eyes barely open. "Close your
eyes..." I whispered into the obvious silence of the room. I watched as his
blue eyes closed quickly, his long eyelashes standing there as erect as I
was.

                I bent down more, staring at each detail of his face, his
pink lips moist and ready for mine. I approached closer, my lips barely
within inches of his. I blinked and shook my head. I gently kissed his
cheek, "You aren't old enough."