Date: Thu, 25 Jan 2001 18:34:45 -0800 (PST)
From: Wishus Teglin
Subject: "Why Not Me?" Chapter 2 M/b

Why Not Me?
A Boylove Romance

Chapter Two

by Teglin



FOREWORD:

Dedicated to the boy who sat apart, ignored by all the
men, as they lavished attention and praise on his prettier
friend.  I've always wondered how he felt, and if I would
have done the right thing, had I been there.

Copyright 2001 by Teglin.  You may freely copy this
boylove romance and distribute it.  Please have the
courtesy not to alter it in any way.


WARNING:

This boylove romance contains descriptions of sexual acts
between
men and minor boys.  If such a story is illegal where you
are, or for your age, or the concept of a man/boy
relationship offends you, don't read further.


Chapter Two


"Stop that giggling! It tickles my neck!" Kallen admonished
Trav, then laughed along with the boy.  He had to hold the
boy a little tighter as he felt his belly bouncing the little guy
on top of him.

"I can't ... help it!" Trav rasped out right into Kallen's ear,
screeching like an unoiled hinge.  That sent shivers up the
pilot's spine too!  "You quit tickling me!"  Trav
commanded.

"I'm not doing anything!" Kallen protested gleefully.  "I'm
trying to massage your armpit."

"I don't ...quit that!  I don't think ... I have any muscles in
there!"

"Oh alright.  I just thought it needed some attention too,"
Kallen said, as he slipped his fingers up a little higher and
kneaded Trav's little shoulder.  He felt Trav's contented
sigh, hot against his neck.

They always had fun after their nightly bath.

The laughter helped Kallen forget those first days, when
he was so cruel to the little boy.  He hoped it allowed  Trav
to forget too ... or at least, to forgive.  Kind of like the
healing balm he always spread on Trav's old bed sores -
holding him so close, caressing him, massaging him -
even the occasional tickle - helped heal them both.

For a moment, they both lapsed into a contented quiet

Kallen continued to caress and massage his little
companion, loving the touch - sometimes he imagined
himself sculpting, imagined bringing to life the perfect
figure of a boy.  Trav's body was ravaged by neglect and
immobility - hardly what one might normally envision as
the perfect form of a boy, yet in the last few days Kallen
had come to know this boy's body better perhaps than he
knew his own.  Every soft curve, he had molded with his
own hands.  Every little bony joint, he had worked back
and forth.  Every shrunken muscle, or flaccid tendon, he
had massaged.  There was no spot on Trav's body,
however private, that Kallen hadn't bathed and lotioned.  If
not THE perfect work of art, he certainly was Kallen's very
own special little boy.  He certainly was the most
cherished.  Robbie ... Robbie had been that ideal, yet
Kallen admitted to himself with some sadness, that he
had never been this completely intimate with his lover.

Trav was his baby.  He lowered his head, and kissed the
boy's bare shoulder, resting against his chest.

They both felt the unexpected stream of hot urine spilling
between their bodies at the same time.  Neither moved.
Trav couldn't.  Kallen wouldn't.

The pilot deliberately acted as if nothing out of the ordinary
were happening. He just continued to hold Trav
outstretched on top of himself.  He didn't even pause, but
just kept gently caressing, running one hand, then the
other so very slowly over Trav's back, and along his limbs,
kneading, rubbing..

It felt so hot down there now, where Trav's little penis lay
pressed between their bodies, as the fluid was released
with such force, then spread gradually between them, over
Kallen's belly, seeping down to wet both their dicks, and
their balls, mixing in with Kallen's pubic hair, warming
Trav's smooth, hairless flesh.  As the flow continued, it
seeped further down between Kallen's legs.  He felt it's
slight sting as it trickled across his anus, then gathered in
a pool where his flesh touched the fabric of the recliner.  It
soaked into the chair, then was gone, leaving only its faint
but pungent odor to scent the air.

Trav couldn't stop it.  He hadn't consciously started it.  He
gasped meekly and in a wounded tone said, "I-I'm sorry,
Kall, I ...."

How quickly the mood had changed.   Kallen sensed the
boy's sudden tension, felt his quickened breath, heard his
halting words.  He was getting better at reading Trav's
emotions, in the way he held his head, or how he used his
eyes, or in the tempo and tenor of what he said.

Trav's words trailed off feebly, and Kallen could feel by the
sudden rigidity in the boy's neck, that he was trying to will
his bladder muscles to constrict, to stop the flow.  Trav
caught his breath, as if he wanted to scream out, to
screech out his anguish.  His cheek was suddenly hot
against Kallen's skin – flushed with embarrassment, or
anger, at himself?

Even as Trav strained, forced to once again acknowledge
that terrible breakdown between his will and his body, his
lips started to tremble, as they pressed into Kallen's neck.
The man knew that tears would follow not far behind.
Tears Trav had in abundance.  He sometimes couldn't
control them, either.

Kallen was indeed learning to read Trav's emotions, but
he still had to learn how to deal with each situation like
this.

He knew Trav couldn't pull his body away.  He knew the
boy couldn't stop his pee from spilling out between them.
Knowing all that didn't stop the hurt, as he sensed the
boy's mighty struggle.  Trav unconsciously raised his head
off of Kallen's shoulder, trying to edge away from the
man's neck.

The man responded in the only way he knew how.  He
gently, lovingly tightened his hold beneath Trav's
buttocks, and raised his other arm from Trav's back to cup
the boy's head and pull it back down into the hollow
against his neck.

"Shhhhhhhh, Little Traveler," he muttered softly.

He decided to confront the situation, rather then trying to
ignore it.  This was something too embarrassing to cover
up with senseless chatter.  "You know what?

"What?" Trav answered glumly.

"I think you've just anointed me," he said solemnly.  He
didn't want to make a joke of it.  Trav wasn't ready for that.
He didn't need to be laughed at.

Silence.

He wondered how Trav would react, so he just waited.  He
kneaded the boy's neck, feeling how stiff and taut the
muscles were there.

Finally he was rewarded.  Trav finally let his head lay back
down onto Kallen's shoulder to nestle there, and he let out
a little sigh.

"I peed on you, Kall.  That's what I did," he said, sounding
resigned.  He sniffled, but successfully held back his
tears.

"You did?  It feels like a soothing balm, to me.  I thought
you were anointing me, for sure.  There, it's all over now.
Felt so warm," Kallen said, as Trav's bladder finally
emptied itself.  "We'll clean it up in a while.  Let's just lay
here a bit more, ok?"

Trav breathed in long and deep, then let his breath out in
one quick sweep, as if he couldn't muster even one more
ounce of strength.  "Ok,"  he answered so despairingly,
his spirit seemingly crushed.

They lay silent once again.  Kallen removed his hand from
Trav's neck and started kneading the boy's shoulders.

"What's anointing mean?" Trav finally muttered.

Kallen felt another involuntary shiver wash through his
body, from his neck on down.  Trav's hot breath there
often triggered such a reaction, but he knew it was more
than that.  He felt an almost palpable thrill, at times, when
they would talk like this.  It was just so intimate - the boy's
head resting comfortably and confidently, upon his
shoulder, speaking just inches away from the man's ear.
In turn, Kallen spoke almost as closely into Trav's ear.  He
could actually feel their chests and throats vibrating with
their words.  It was like having Trav living within his mind.
Teaching him, caring for him, BEING with him - a part of
him.  Sometimes, he couldn't bear for these moments to
end.

"Anointing is ... pouring something ... precious.
Something holy, or valuable, or very special ... you pour
that on someone, to ... ummh ... to bless them, I guess. "

"I blessed you with pee, then," Trav responded in disdain.

"Yeah, I know, it was pee.  But ... how do I explain this,
Trav?  I'm not trying to make this sound weird or
anything.... it's not that it was pee, Trav... it's that ... oh
man ...  how do I say it ... well ... it was boy pee.  It was
YOUR pee.  Those two things make it precious to me.  It
was something that I can only get from you.  That I would
only accept from a boy.  Something I would only accept
from you.  Does this ... make any sense at all?"

Trav didn't answer immediately, but when he did,  as was
sometimes his wont, he answered with another question,
as if leaving all extraneous issues by the wayside, to go
directly to the important stuff.   "You're a boylover, aren't
you."

Kallen wasn't too shocked.  He had left himself open for
that one.  "Yes," he finally answered, in a hushed voice.

Neither of them spoke, then, for a while.  Trav continued
to rest his head on Kallen's shoulder, and to breathe now
more evenly.  Kallen felt like he was being anointed,
again, this time with the very breath from the boy's lungs,
heated within that little body, expelled next to his very
skin.   Trav's lips actually pressed against his skin ... the
gentlest little kiss, so light, so soft.

The pilot had no idea how to answer further, but there was
certainly no reason to try to hide the facts.  Trav had
already  said he knew all about boylove.  Did that mean he
knew about a boylover's devotion to everything about a
boy?  He knew that some men wanted sex with boys.
But did he know about ... a man's reverence for a boy?
Did he know about a man giving himself to a boy,
worshipping the very ground he stood on.   About a man
living for a boy?    How to explain that to Trav?   How to
explain, that precisely BECAUSE he was a boy, receiving
his pee like that was nothing short of an honor.

With Robbie, it had been like that from the first moment
Kallen saw him.  He had worshipped the 12 year old then,
from afar, with an immediate and total reverence for
Robbie's very boyhood – all the perfect lines of form and
figure, that seize a man's soul, and bring him to awe.   It
was only after they met, that to his reverence for that
perfect image of a  boy, he added devotion to the actual
spirit and being, that was Robbie himself.   Then he
added love.  THEY had added love, together.   They had
added a union of their souls and bodies.

And now ... with Trav?   Kallen couldn't explain what he
felt for Trav.  It almost seemed that he was following the
same path, but in reverse.   They shared such incredible
intimacies, as now.   Such physical closeness that only
lovers might share.   Strangers don't whisper deep
thoughts into each others ears!  Strangers don't grow
hard, their erections straining between their bodies – even
as now,  Kallen felt his own penis, lengthening, growing
rigid, and he felt Trav's little cocklet stretching out against
his own!  Was that a union of their spirits?   And their
bodies?  It happened whenever they lay together like this,
or when they bathed - sometimes Kallen grew hard simply
sitting in the chair beside Trav's bed at night, watching the
boy sleep, knowing that he felt safe and secure.

With Trav ... was there love?   Perhaps ... a sort of love?
One that took nothing away from his memories of Robbie?
Kallen certainly felt a devotion for the boy that uplifted his
own soul with every instant he served the little guy.  It
wasn't pity.  That much Kallen did know.  Pity was what
kept him coming back, during all those first days, when he
was so cruel to Trav.    No.  Trav never even asked for pity.
So was it a devotion to the beauty he now saw within
Trav?   The boy had none of the classic lines that had
inspired artists from time immemorial to sculpt and
enshrine the image of boyhood.  He wasn't perfect.   He
wasn't ... beautiful ... yet he deserved reverence ... for his
will, his goodness, his courage and strength ....

Yeah, being pissed on by this boy was an honor.
Worship for what was within this boy, made Kallen a MAN!
The erection he felt now, and every time they were close
like this, was like a symbol of that worship.

He wondered what made Trav get hard too.

Not knowing what to say in words, Kallen could only try to
say it with every soft stroke of his hands across Trav's
slight body.   With every ministration.   With every step in
his rites of devotion to the boy.  His heart pumped blood
furiously to his steel-hard dick, as he passed on to the
next sacrament in their nightly ritual.  "Here,  Little Trav,"
he finally broke the silence.   "We have to ... get your hair
combed," he strained, as he lifted the both of them up,
and very slowly, carefully repositioned Trav in his lap.
Trav's little dick popped upright as Kallen turned the boy
over, it's delicate skin livid all around his circumcision
scar, and even more scarlet, deep within the flesh of his
swollen little glans.  His skin glistened with the still undried
urine.

Kallen's penis was crushed sideways during the turn.  He
reached between the boy's legs, grasped his tool, and
levered it up to stand mightily rigid right there between
Trav's little legs, pressing into his tender ballsac.  The
contrast hit Kallen like a hammer.  He felt more aroused
than ever in his life, as if his dick were going to grow and
grow, it's enraged flesh darkening against the pale olive
cream of Trav's thighs.  Three inches of his manhood rose
above the Trav's legs.  The girth of his penis dwarfed the
boy's little tool – but together they symbolized something
... they were man and boy.   A man, and his boy.

Kallen made a kind of backrest of his left arm and
shoulder, and leaned Trav back against it, sitting him up
almost straight.  He saw Trav's eyes wide with wonder,
gazing down at their rock-hard dicks.  Almost without
thinking, feeling an irresistible urge to grasp it, he let his
right hand seek his own shaft.  He grabbed it full-fisted
and squeezed tightly against the unyielding hardness of
his tumescent flesh.  His glans molded to his grip, and
squeezed up tautly, pulling his foreskin down a bit, letting
his own inflamed, almost scarlet colored meetus peek out.
There was already a drop of clear pre-cum there,
presaging a sex act that Kallen knew was never to be, but
he did feel the growing ache in his heavy balls.  He
thought of the noodlenode, and Robbie.  `I'll cum for you
Robbie, soon ... just ... please, don't begrudge me what
I'm feeling now, for this little boy!'

He shivered, feeling the electric shocks coursing through
his body from his tortured penis.  He released it with a
sigh, then again, without even thinking about it, he let his
palm graze forward.  Slowly he slid it down and across the
underside of Trav's own little penis, pressing it down
against the boy's pubis.  He heard the boy gasp as he slid
his palm on up, giving the edge a brief nudge downward
just as it crossed the tip of Trav's glans.   Trav yelped, a
meek and piteous little peep, inside his throat, his mouth
closed.  He was still staring down at his penis, wide-eyed.

Trav lifted his eyes, looking almost fearful, and gazed at
Kallen.  His voice rasped a bit more than normal, as he
asked,  "Kall ... wh-why do you get hard ... sometimes?"

This question was indeed like a shock.   Kallen jerked
away his hand, and shook the daze out of his eyes.
Again he wasn't sure what to say.  Could he explain it?!
Even to himself?

Hurriedly he reached over to lower the foot rest, and
leaned towards the table to grasp a brush.  He took a
deep breath, "Well, men and boys get hard when ... when
something arouses them ...."

"No."  Trav muttered, huskily.  "I know all about that.  Why
do YOU get hardons sometimes, when we take a bath?
I've felt you get hard.  Or ... like now, Kall?   I know why
I'm hard now.  Why are you?"

It was like the boy had issued a challenge.  Kallen
wondered what Trav meant, when he said that he knew
the reason he himself got hard.  He held the brush
momentarily in mid-air, then remembered what he was
supposed to be doing.  For a moment, he avoided Trav's
eyes, and concentrated on bringing the brush up to the
side of the boy's head.  Gently he started untangling the
soft tresses.   They lifted to each stroke, straightened,
then lay back upon themselves –fluffed up and curling at
the ends.  Trav's hair was so soft.  Kallen liked to part it in
the middle, so it lay rather flat on top, but the curls gave it
so much body on the sides.  When combed properly they
made a halo of beautiful curls about his thin face.

Finally he let himself look again in Trav's eyes, and saw
the unanswered question still waiting.  He swallowed, then
said. "Well, you and me, Trav.  We have something
special here.  Do you feel it?  When I hold you, or wash
...."

"Do you love me?"  Trav broke in.

Kallen stumbled, but couldn't swerve around that one,
"Well ... surely yes, Trav ... I do love you, in a way ...."

"But not like ... the way I'm starting to feel about you,"
Trav said it without accusing.   He had that way of his, of
stating a question, rather than asking it.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, I didn't know how to feel, at first.  After you started
being nice to me.  You're the only person, besides Serg,
who was ever nice to me.  Serg was my best and only
friend.  And ... now, I guess I have you.  You said things
would be different, after that night when you got really
mad at me, and ... well ...."

Trav paused and looked away pensively, his eyes
narrowing, as if looking far away.

"I hope I have proved myself a bit, Trav.  I'm sorry for the
way I was at first.  Every day since then, I've tried to make
it up to you."

The little boy turned his head back towards Kallen.  He
looked straight into the man's eyes, then Kallen saw the
boy's gaze move slowly about his face, as if recording it,
examining it.  Trav almost whispered then, "Yeah.  You
wouldn't hold me so close, if you didn't care, would you
Kall?"  He closed his eyes, and his face looked so
peacefully at rest.  "No one ever held me so close."

"I do care, Little Traveler.  Very much."

Trav opened his eyes again, and breathed in deeply.  "I
loved Serg," he said.  "I guess I ... love you, too."

He briefly looked down again, at their dicks still standing
erect.  "That's why I get hard, Kall.  I feel you, and think
how you really do care, and I want what other boys have.
I want you ... to make love with me.  But I don't know why
you get hard, Kall ... I've thought about it a lot, but ...  you
never cum, when you get hard with me?  We don't have
sex.  I wish we could.  I never had anything like that,
except with Serg. And we just played around a little,
before .... So, why do you get hard, if you don't feel like I
do, and ...."  Trav's words drifted off so winsomely, his
raspy voice even more broken than normal.  His brows
were raised high, his forehead wrinkled, questioning,
wondering.

"There are ... reasons for that, Trav,"  Kallen answered
hoarsely, his voice choked from hearing Trav's halting
declaration of love.  Kallen wondered exactly how to
respond.  He met the boy's pleading gaze briefly, but then
concentrated for a moment on the combing.

"What reasons?"

Yeah, what reasons, Kallen asked.  And how to express
them!?  Especially, how to tell Trav in a way that wouldn't
hurt him so much.   Certainly his dick wasn't helping -  it
started to grow soft immediately, shrinking down between
the boy's legs in striking contrast to the boy's still rigidly
upright shaft.

"I ... had  a boy once," Kallen managed to say, his voice
still quiet and husky.  He couldn't go on, for a moment.
He pursed his lips tightly, trying to fight back the emotion,
and letting just the corners of his eyes grow moist.   "He's
gone now, but Trav, I ... remember him so ...."

"But you get hard when you're with me," Trav said, not
understanding.

"I know I do, Little Trav, but ...." Kallen exhaled.

"Are you thinking of him then?  When you get hard with
me?"

"No.  Not that, Trav.  Not that at all, it's just that ...."

"I know I'm not pretty or sexy, but you do get that way
every night, with me, so I just can't understand everything,
Kall."

The pilot didn't say anything for a moment.   Again he
avoided Trav's questioning gaze, focussing on brushing
the boy's hair, on either side of his head.   "Look, I need to
... lean you forward now, Trav, to get at the back of your
head.  I'll ... uh ... prop your chest forward, on my hand,
like this," he said, as he placed his left arm across the
boy's chest, and then spread his fingers wide.  "Can you
lean your head down a bit?"

Trav lowered his head, and Kallen started brushing again.
The boy's head lolled up and down, with each stroke, his
neck muscles offering all the resistance the little guy could
muster, against falling forward totally, like a limp,
stringless puppet.

His head down, his words muffled, Trav said sadly,  "I
guess I do understand.  No man could  ever truly love me,
like I am.  Like this.  I can't even sit up straight.  I know I'll
never make love with any man, much less you."

Kallen wondered at his own cowardice.   True, he couldn't
yet completely understand his own feelings for this boy,
but did he have to cop out totally?   Deprived of a family, a
home, even his own body – was Trav also to be deprived
of all hope, for any happiness at all?  And what the two of
them were sharing here, on this voyage, was it a mere
fantasy?  Something that should or could ever be
forgotten?

He finished brushing and fluffing Trav's hair in silence,
trying to muster the courage, and the right words, to give
the boy some hope.  He thought of Robbie, and felt such
infinite sadness – each moment with Trav, each thought
of Trav, was a moment lost to the memory of Robbie.  So
was that the way of the world?  Did he have to forget
Robbie, in order to grant this little helpless boy in his lap,
just a taste of love?

`Are you with me, Robbie?' he prayed silently.  `Is it alright
to do this?  I don't like it, when people tell me `you have to
move on, Kall,' or `you have to get on with your life,' or
worst of all, `time heals all wounds'.   They mean
forgetting, don't they?  I don't want to forget you, Robbie.
Can't I build my own world?  One where there's an infinite
supply of love.  Where I can always remember you.
Always love you.  Where I can also give this little boy here
some of my heart too?'

In the end, he knew he had to build that world.  Whatever
he owed to Robbie, it could never change what a man
owes to all boys.  What this man owed to this little boy.

Kallen laid the brush back down, then wrapped both of his
arms around Trav very gently and slowly, and hugged
him, pulling him closer, being careful not to hurt his fragile
frame, feeling every little bone in the boy's emaciated and
limp body.    He just held him then, for a long, long
moment.  Trav's head fell over to rest under his chin.  The
pilot bent his head and pressed his lips into Trav's curls,
and kissed him there, making sure Trav could feel it,
making sure Trav could hear and feel him sniffing in his
hair.

Finally he spoke.  "It doesn't ... have to be that way, Trav."

"Yes, it does.  No one ever loved me before.  It's even
worse now.  All I ever wanted was what other boys had,
but now I know it's imposs ..."

"Look here," Kallen interrupted firmly, but still gently,
softly.  It was so silent in Trav's cabin, with just the faint
background hum of the engines.  He didn't need to raise
his voice.  He just wanted the boy to concentrate all his
attentions on what he had to say now.  He leaned back,
and put the tips of his fingers just under Trav's chin, and
lifted his face up.  "I'm not going to let you limit yourself
like that!"  He shook his head no, looking directly into
Trav's tear wet eyes.     "There's no reason you can't find
love in your life, Trav!   You can have sex, too, if that's
what you want.   You can have it all, Trav.   Being
paralyzed, or not being pretty, doesn't take any of that
away."

"How do you know.   You just said you couldn't love me.
Why would it be any different with any other man?"

"I meant ... Trav, I meant ...."

"Yeah, I know what you meant.  Not you and me.  Simple
as that"

"I ... got too much baggage, Trav.  But ... look, you said
no one could love you now, but I ... I do love you, Trav.  I
don't know how to define it, little guy, but I can't help but
love you.  And damnit, I get hard every time I touch you.
What does that say?  There's all kinds of love, Trav.  I
don't how much I can give anymore.  I don't know if I can
ever have sex with another boy again, but damnit, there it
is.  I'm not going to let you say you can't have it all,
because you can!   If things were different with me, who
knows ...."

Trav shook his head from side to side, and responded,
"things aren't different, though, and they never will be.  I'm
the boy who's always been left behind, remember?  I
know the truth, Kall.  Nothing you can say can take away
from what I know.  Look at you.  You're the only man –
just about the only person, period – who's ever been nice
to me.  I know you love me, in a way.  I can feel it, the way
you take care of me.  But even you – you practically said it
yourself, you could never MAKE LOVE with me."

"If things were different, maybe, Trav.  It's not you, it's ...,"
Kallen couldn't continue.  He wanted to cry from
heartache.  The memories rushed in again - the love he
had given so freely to Robbie – losing Robbie – dedicating
his life to cherishing that boy's memory.  Yet wanting so
desperately now,  to prove to Trav that he needn't be
hopeless

"Yeah." Trav muttered again, knowing that Kallen had no
answer.   He sounded totally defeated.

Silence again.  Kallen knew he had to prove to Trav that
he was wrong.  He didn't yet trust himself to be strong
enough to do it.  He had just proved how crippled he was
himself, emotionally.    Still, he had to give Trav some
measure of love.  The means was at hand.   If he couldn't
give of himself totally, right here, right now, then he could
let Trav live that love in a different way – through the
simulations.

"I can prove it to you, Trav,"  he said.

"Prove what?"

"That you're wrong.   You want to experience what Serg
had, then so be it.  I can show you.   And prove to you
that you can have it all, someday."

"What do you mean, you'll have sex with me, like Serge
had?" Trav said.  Again it didn't sound like a question.
More like sarcasm.

"I didn't say that.  I mean ...."

"Then what?!"

Kallen had painted himself into a corner.  "Did you ever
use a noodlenode?' he blurted out, without thinking it
through.

"Yes."

"Then ...," Kallen paused, the thought suddenly hitting
him that the simulations he had been creating were very
personal and private.  Something he had made to keep
Robbie with him always.  Besides that, there were
technical problems – he couldn't just reprogram overnight,
what had taken him months to create.  There were a
thousand parameters specifically initialized for he and
Robbie.  Many hundreds of thousands, millions of node
points taken directly from Robbie's own bio-scans.  And
his own.

He couldn't back down now, though.  "I can set one up for
you, Trav.  I want to show you what it can be like for you,
someday.   At least you can feel some things.  I don't want
you to ever limit yourself, Little Traveler."


-------------------------


"Are you ready, Trav?"

"Yeah!  Ready!" the little boy answered excitedly.  Kallen
had never seen him so happy, grinning, but with his
mouth closed in anticipation, his lips taut, waiting.  He lay
in Kallen's own bed now, in the pilot's cabin.  They had
placed a pad beneath his bottom, but took the diaper off.
If this worked, as intended, the last thing Trav would want
was to have his little stiffie confined inside a diaper!

"Alright, here we go.  Now, remember, at any time you can
break out of the program.  Just tell Tommie to stop it.  Or
me."

"Yeah, I remember."  Trav said, confidently.  Oh, he hadn't
let Kallen forget for a moment, since waking up this
morning, about his promise last night.  He was ready,
alright!

"Ok, and I'll be sitting right here the whole time,
monitoring, watching," Kallen realized that he was saying
it more as reassurance for himself, than for any doubts
Trav had.  It didn't hurt to go over all this, though.

"Yeah, now I'm not going to interrupt the game, unless
you ...."

"Kall!"  Trav spoke out, then chuckled.  "I've used
noodlenodes before, remember?  Just not for ... uh, well
you know, for sex!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know,"  Kallen gave in.  There really wasn't
that much cause for concern anyway.   The worst that
could happen was sensory overload, in any node
simulation.  Temporary unconsciousness.  Still ....
"Alright, I can see you're ready, indeed," he ended
sarcastically, seeing that Trav's dick had suddenly started
to pulse and rise off his pubis.

"Yeah, you never knew I was such a horny little boy, did
you?" Trav giggled.

"That didn't escape me, actually," Kallen countered.  "Ok.
Your call, Little One.  Go for it."

He watched as Trav grinned again, so broad that his
upper lip popped up over his two protruding front teeth.
Such a little scamp!  he thought.  Horny, hormones raging
inside that little paralyzed body.  His little penis was
standing up now, at a forty-five degree angle from his
tummy.  It looked like his engorged glans was about ready
to pop!  His balls were drawn up tight in anticipation, his
ballsac outlining the two little bird's-egg shaped testes
within.  His chest was rising and falling faster now, and no
doubt his heart was starting to race.

"Tommie.  Noodlenode.  Trav.  Patio Party." Trav spoke a
little more loudly than needed, his voice edgy and almost
trembling with his anticipation.  Exactly the words Kallen
had taught him, to get the nodegame started.

Kallen forced himself to sit back, and take a deep breath,
then relax.   This could take a while.  He sure hoped it was
exactly what would bring Trav a little happiness.


-------------------------


"Where is this ... place?" Trav wondered out loud, as he
looked around, wide-eyed.  Obviously a very well-to-do
country home – weathered stone faηade, vines trailing all
over.  "Must be twenty, thirty rooms."

"Twenty-eight, not counting the servants quarters," he
heard Kallen say, from off to the side.

"How ... how do you know, Kall?" Trav asked, his head
craned, taking in the huge green, manicured lawn, the
towering trees all round.  He gripped the smooth polished
edge of the glass-topped patio table that he was sitting
next too, as if seeking something firmly planted in reality to
hold onto.

"Haha," Kallen laughed.  "Well I did create this little
fantasy.   Actually, it's my parents' home.  My home, I
guess.  When I'm not off onboard Ganymede."

"Oops," Trav lowered his voice, and brought his hand to
his lips.  "Who's that?" he said, pointing to a man and a
boy who sat huddled together at another table.

"Oh.  Couple of friends of mine.  Don't worry, they know all
about us.  You've been here many times before."

"Oh, I have?"

"Yeah."

The other two seemed to be watching.  And mumbling
something to themselves.  Whatever it was, it seemed to
amuse them   Trav was starting to feel a little self-
conscious, when suddenly the man looked directly at him,
gave him a friendly wink, and smiled.

Sheepishly, Trav lowered his hand, and smiled back.

"Just ignore them," Kallen said a little too loudly, the
humor evident in his voice.  He obviously wanted to two to
hear.  "They'll be too interested in each other to bother
with us, before long."

"Oh, alright," the men called out, laughing.  "Ignore us,
you two.  We won't stare too much."  Both of them
purposely turned their chairs a bit away from Trav and
Kallen, chuckling with their own private jokes.

"We're just having a little get-together, Trav," Kallen said
reassuringly.   "A few friends.  Marcin and Red are just the
first to arrive.  So, what do you think of the place?"

"It's ... late afternoon.  A very early Spring, I see."  Trav
said matter-of-factly, looking about again.

"How can you tell that?" Kallen sounded surprised.

"Hmh!  My turn to laugh," Trav said sardonically.  "What
do you think I did when Serg was off in my Dad's tent, on
that campout.  Great time to study the stars.  Actually it's
one of my hobbies.  Astronomy.  Look over there. The
Little One is low on the horizon, south of the Sun.  That
only happens just after the Winter Solstice.  So this is
either a very unusually warm winter day, or a very early
Spring.  The trees are budding out.  So ... it's Spring.
Earth 2221, to be exact.  I was eight years old, that year."

"Oh well, pretend you're eleven," Kallen said.  "But VERY
impressive, Trav!  You surprise me.  I wonder what other
hobbies you've indulged in.  By the way, you want this, or
not?" he urged forcefully, seemingly offering a challenge.

Trav finally twisted around in his chair towards Kallen, and
almost fell back out of his chair!  He heard raucous
guffaws from Marcin and Red.  No wonder they had been
so amused!  Kallen was standing beside him, wearing
nothing but a little apron that barely covered his chest,
and hung down narrowly to below his waist.  It was
pushed aside but the man's jutting cock, standing straight
out from his crotch!  God, it was hard!  His foreskin was
stretched taut about the fiery glans, pulled back enough
that Trav could see Kall's piss slit, with pre-cum already
seeping out.  The magnificent dick swung just inches
before the boy's wide-eyed face.  Beside it, Kallen held out
a plate, with a burger and some chips.

Kallen laughed too.  It made his dick bob up and down.
Trav felt dizzy, staring at it!

The boy was quick to recover, although he turned beet
red, feeling everyone gaze at him.  However, he was
willing to play along.  He propped himself leaning back,
looking straight at Kallen's massive tool, and a little too
loudly himself, said, "Hmmh, put some ketchup on it, and
I might just eat it!"

Their audience laughed louder than ever.  Trav glanced
over quickly at them, and saw that the two were groping
each other's baskets.  Must be ... like him and Kallen, he
wondered, amazed.  So that was the kind of party this was
going to be.  He smiled knowingly, sweetly, and looked up
at Kallen.

Kallen met his gaze, and smiled back, nodding up and
down.   Slowly he put down the plate on the table, and
then he quickly lifted off the apron, from over his neck and
tossed it to the ground.  He stood still then before Trav,
his hands on his hips.

Trav took his man in, from head to foot.  Tall, slim, blonde
and beautiful, everywhere!  Even around his dick and
dangling balls.

"Forget the ketchup," Trav managed to squeak out
huskily, as he leaned forward.  He grasped Kallen's shaft
with one hand.  With the other he hefted the man's
testicles, and played them gently one against the other.
He opened his jaw as wide as he possibly could, and took
Kallen's hooded glans into his mouth, his tongue going
directly to the piss slit, to lick off the pre-cum.   It was
tantalizingly, but oh so faintly sweet, fluid, and smooth.

He couldn't believe this!  Something he had dreamed
about for so long!  All the reading he had done on the net.
All the longing!  And now he had a man's dick in his
mouth!  Kallen's dick!

He felt his own little cock standing up now, tight inside his
pants.  He wanted to wriggle out of them!  Otherwise he
was just going to die, right here, feeling that excruciating
... pain?  Whatever it was.  Oh god, his balls felt like
someone were gripping them, squeezing them!

He breathed in through his nostrils, smelling Kallen's dick!
Smelling Kallen's man scent!  He tested the strength of
his fingers around the man's steel-hard shaft.   It was just
like his own, when he was hard.  So soft, yet indeed so
hard inside!  It seemed that no power in the universe
could bend such a dick!  And it was hot to his touch!  He
felt the blood within it, beating, pulsing.  He felt that tube
running down the bottom side of Kallen's dick – the tube
that would carry his sperm.  Trav wanted that sperm!

He knew what to do.  He started slipping the tip of his
tongue inside the edge of Kallen's prepuce, trying to force
it back, so that he could start tonguing the man's glans
directly.   He wanted to suck it all in, and let the man fuck
his mouth, and spill his seed there.  He wanted to drink it
all in ... just like Serg had said!!

He stabbed his tongue in again, making it firm and hard.
Kallen yelled out, and jerked back suddenly. "Oh T-Trav!"
he blurted out, then tried desperately to breathe in,
haltingly.

Trav felt the man's hands on either side of his head,
pushing him back.  "No!  Let me suck you ...."

"Wait a bit, sweetie.  I don't want ... to cum too quickly.  I
need to see you too, Trav.  I want your dick too!  I promise
you can take all of me.  Just let me see you, first."

"Ok." Trav acceded quickly, and stood up.  He started
stripping off his clothes wildly, while Kallen laughed and
tried to help where he could.

A high voice called out, from across the patio, "You're just
greedy!  You just want to suck him first, Kall!"

"Yeah, look who's talking!" Kallen responded sarcastically,
prodding Trav to look over at their two party companions.

The boy – obviously the one named Red, with that mop of
red hair -  was down on his knees now, between the
Marcin's legs.  The man's cock was pulled out from his
pants, and standing upright just like Kallen's.   It was
glistening too, wet from Red's mouth.  Red just laughed
and turned back to his lover's dick.

The sight just fired Trav even more.  He flung his clothes
here and there wildly, not caring where they fell.  He
watched as Red's head bobbed up and down on Marcin's
pole, and knew that was exactly what he wanted to do with
Kallen.  Seeing those two together aroused him even
more.  It thrilled him, to think that Kallen wanted him, a
little boy.  Kallen didn't want that other boy.  He didn't
want Red.  He didn't want anyone else.   Trav felt so
beautiful, so desirable.  No man had ever wanted him
before, but now Kallen wanted to see him naked!

Suddenly it dawned on him – he was moving about freely!
When he told his hand to stretch down the elastic of his
undies, it did it!   When he told his foot to lift up, it lifted!
He was moving his own body!  It was all so real!  He just
felt overwhelmed with the joy of it all, and started hopping
around like a little rabbit.

"Look Kallen!  I'm jumping!"

"That you are, Little Traveler.  You can do anything here
that you want."

Trav looked down, feeling his little dick flapping against his
tummy.  For a moment he was shocked – his dick was ...
intact!   His foreskin still intact.  That ugly red scar was ...
gone!   His heart skipped a beat, remembering for an
instant the cruel shock after the operation, when he had
awakened to find himself circumcised.  Against his will.
The pain where he had been cut was nothing to the
anguish he had felt in his spirit.   He had know all about
what a foreskin meant to a boy, or a man.  And now, to
have it back!!  Truly, as Kallen had said, anything was
possible inside a noodlenode.  His dick even looked a little
longer, and his balls felt heavier, and hung a little lower.
Oh well, all the better!

"Now, Kall?" Trav pleaded, turning back to his man, and
reaching out to grasp his eight inch erection.

"Ok, Little Trav," Kallen said, then looked around.  More
guests were arriving.  He turned back to Trav, and looked
down at him with such longing in his eyes.  His face was
suddenly pinched with lust.  He gulped, then said, "let's ...
let's go to our bedroom, ok?  For some reason, suddenly,
I want you all to myself."

Trav saw the yearning in Kallen's eyes, in the man's
labored breathing, in the tautness of his outstretched
hand.  This must have been what Serg felt like, when the
men called him to their tent!

He placed his little hand in Kallen's, and they started
running together towards the house.

"Well, look at that!" Marcin called out to the other guests.
"You're not going to share your boy with us, huh, Kall?"

"Not this boy!" Kallen yelled back, laughing.  "Not MY
boy!"

Trav held on for dear life, as they reached the porch, and
Kallen took the steps two at a time.  He lifted Trav bodily,
his hands on the boy's waist, and pulled him to him.  Trav
wrapped himself around the man, smashing his little
cocklet into Kallen's stomach.

Kallen rushed through the hallways and rooms, towards
their bedroom.  Trav didn't even bother to look about.  His
eyes were glued to the visage of his man, thrilling in the
maddened look in Kallen's eyes.  The man wanted him so
much!

Kallen laid him down on their bed, and said, "let me do
you first, ok?"

"Alright," Trav acquiesced, already feeling Kallen's hands
on his thighs.  The warm touch was electrifying as he felt
the man prying his legs apart, so that he could crawl
between them to suck his little dick into his mouth.

His whole body cried out with just overwhelming joy.
Kallen was caressing the soft flesh of his inner thighs, but
it felt like he had a grip around his heart!

Never before had he felt so completely alive and complete!
Never before had he ....

Trav suddenly focused his eyes, and looked up, directly
above the bed, into the mirror affixed there, on the ceiling.
Just as suddenly, his blood ran cold, and he felt his body
start to shiver with dread, fear, dismay ... and awareness.

The mirror didn't lie.  He saw a boy there, laying on his
back, on the bed, as naked as the man who knelt
between the boy's thighs, lowering his head to suck the
boy's dick in.  The man was Kallen.  The boy was ... well,
he wasn't Trevor Seamon.   The boy he saw in the mirror
had long blonde hair, that spilled about his beautiful head
in splendid disarray.   No buck-teeth, no flopping ears ....

Trav had used noodlenodes many times before The
Crash, playing games.  Now he steeled himself to place
the simulation into stasis, and started searching the file
system deliberately.   Just work backwards, from `Trav.
Patio Party' to the `noodlenode' folder.  And there it was.
A crosslink to Kallen's own `memories. noodlenode.
Robbie. Patio Party.'

So.  That was Robbie staring at him from the mirror.  This
was all about Robbie.  Robbie's party.  Robbie's dick.
Robbie's ... man.

`Oh Kallen,' Trav thought.  `For a while, I thought you
really wanted me.  I'm so ... sorry ... it ....'

Trav coldly willed the node to turn off, not wanting to even
finish his thought.  There was no escaping it, however.
How stupid of him to have ever thought otherwise!


-------------------------



Kallen could swear that at one point during the simulation,
he saw Trav's hand twitch, as if he consciously raised it,
but for the rest of the time he could only sit there and
monitor the nodestatus.

He knew one thing.  Trav was enjoying it!  His little dick
remained rock hard, and his lips were formed into a
perpetual smile of pure contentment.

Then suddenly he saw the boy's penis soften rapidly.   He
wondered.  Did that mean that Trav had cum in his
fantasy?  Kallen was feeling pretty good about that, when
he noticed that Trav's smile was gone too.  Replaced by a
rather dead-pan expression, lips compressed, in a straight
line – not quite a frown, but certainly no evidence of the
pleasure the boy was experiencing before.

He glanced at the nodestatus, and clicked to the biostate.
Trav's heartrate was a bit elevated, but his oxygen transfer
was pretty much normal.  He started to sit back, and just
wait it out, but at that instant he saw the tell-tale quivering
of Trav's jaw.  The boy was crying!

Quickly Kallen reached out and started slipping the node
off Trav's head.  Sure enough, his cheeks were stained
with little trails - cold, wet streaks from his tears.

"Trav," Kallen called to him, as he slipped the node
completely off the boy's head, and started brushing his
hair back into place gently.  "Trav, what's ... what's the
matter, honey?"

"Oh, nothing's the matter, really," Trav answered softly,
opening his eyes, his tone nasal with the tears.  "I just ...
got a little sad, I guess."

"Well ... why, Trav?  It was supposed to be kind of a fun
party.  Did something go wrong?  I know it was an
untested routine, but all my others have gone very well,
and ...."

"No. No, there wasn't anything wrong," Trav said, his voice
still soft with some kind of sadness or remorse, or
something.  Kallen was perplexed, and worried.

"Dang, I'm so sorry if ... ah ... anything in it, wasn't right
for you, Trav ... I just don't know what to say, Little Guy.  I
wanted it to be so good for you."  Kallen scrunched his
lips together in dismay, and shook his head in regret.

Trav looked at him through his film of tears.  He shook his
head weakly from side to side too.  "No Kall, I don't think it
was your fault at all.  It's just ...."   He closed his eyes for a
moment, and turned his head back up straight.

Kallen pulled the cover up over the boy's body, sensing
that he needed some warmth.  He dabbed the tears out of
Trav's eyes, and dried his cheeks, with a tissue.  He was
about to turn down the lights, and let the boy sleep a little,
when Trav spoke again.

"I met Robbie there."

"What?' Kallen was shocked, but tried to keep his tone
down.  "How could you ...."

"I don't' know," Trav answered wearily, softly, his hoarse
voice barely above a whisper.  "I guess something did go
wrong in the node.  I don't blame you, Kall.  It's just that
... well, I looked in the mirror, one time, and I saw ... your
boy.  Not me."

Kallen drew in a deep breath through his nostrils, his jaw
clenched tightly, grimly.  Of all the things he had
considered, to let something obvious like that slip by.    He
hadn't even thought about Trav looking in a mirror at
himself.  If he had, he would have at least uploaded some
nodepoints from Trav's own body.

"I'm sorry, Trav.  Really, really sorry.   It's not what I meant
...."

"Hmmh," Trav let out a weak little chuckle, and one corner
of his lips pulled up.  "Ironic.  And I thought I had foreskin.
It was Robbie's, wasn't it.  After all, I'm cut.  Those ...
people ... cut me ...."

He couldn't hold it back any longer.  His lips started
trembling again, and the tears came just as quickly,
streaming down his cheeks.  Trav closed his eyes, and
again started moving his head from side to side – the only
way he could express his grief.  This boy couldn't stamp
his feet, or clench his fist – he hardly had the strength to
shout out his anger and grief.

Kallen just sat there for a moment, feeling so helpless, not
knowing what to do.  Obviously the simulation had
triggered some bad memories, instead of giving the boy a
glimpse at what was possible, in his future.

The man clenched his own fists, and wrung his hands
together, watching his little companion cry.   Finally, he
stood, and grabbed up the boy and the thin blanket all in
one swoop, and just held him close, cradling him like a
baby.  He swayed from side to side, and muttered cooing
noises.  Then he sat down, still cradling Trav, and just let
the boy cry there in his arms.

He felt like he had to do something. Say something.

"Look Trav, I'll uh ... I'll ... I'll fix the programming.  Dangit,
I just blew it.  I'll make it better.  I know just how to ...."

"You can't fix everything, Kall," Trav suddenly muttered,
his words muffled against Kallen's shoulder.

"Well, I can try.  And instead of using my ... memories, we
can use yours.  You know, take the time to ...."

"I know you mean well, Kall, but there are some things
neither one of us can ever change.  Are you going to put
my dick back together?  You can make me dream, you
can give me all kinds of fantasies, but nothing anyone can
ever do would put back what they took from me.  How
many boys, or how many men, you know who are cut,
Kall?!"

"Well ...," Kallen didn't want to answer it, but he knew he
had to.  Trav wanted some serious answers now.  "I don't
know of any, besides you, Trav, but so what?  They used
to do that all the time in the old days, and  ....."

"Yeah, but it's ugly and it hurts, and ... it just gets back to
what I said before, Kall, no man is ever going to love a boy
like me.  No man's ever going to want to have sex with a
freak!  Admit it!   You don't, do you?"

"That's not what I meant, Trav, when I said I didn't know if
I could have sex again.  It has nothing at all to do with
you.  It's all about me."

"Look," Trav interrupted defiantly.  Kallen didn't think he
was even listening to his protests now.  The boy was
letting it all out.  "You touch my dick all the time.  I even
get hard when you do it, but it's nothing to you.  A boy's
dick is supposed to be ...." Trav stopped suddenly, almost
shouting.   When he resumed, he was almost whispering
again.   "Let's just forget it, Kall."

"No!" Kallen answered, fiercely.  He felt himself wanting to
suddenly take up the boy's protest.  "We can't just leave it
alone, Trav!   Don't you see?  I'm not going to let you
doubt yourself, just because I happen to have some
emotional hangups myself!  I'm going to ... I'm going to
...."

Kallen paused too, just as Trav had.  He had come up
against a wall, just as the little boy in his arms had.
Facing reality, that's what it was all about.

The reality was that he once had a lover.  He once had a
boy.  He once gave himself completely to that boy.  That
boy was no longer here.  He was but a memory.  A
cherished, honored, beloved memory.  Yet, but a memory.
That's what noodlenodes were good for – reliving
memories.

The reality was that he now had another boy.  This boy still
lived.  Still breathed.  He was a boy with memories still to
be made.  Not noodlenode fantasies.  Real, live
memories!

The reality was that he could no longer ask Robbie's
permission for this.  The reality was that he had to give
himself completely to this boy, right now, if THIS boy was
going to make all the memories he deserved.

And finally, the reality was that loving Trav was a wholly
good thing.  Love, boylove, encompassed all sorts of
giving.  Nothing held back, if it served the needs of the
boy!   That was the reality that THIS MAN must face, head
on, for THIS BOY.   Part of that good, and Kallen
understood this now, like never before, was that in serving
his boy, a boylover served himself.  In helping to heal the
wounds of his boy, the man healed himself.


----------------------------


Into the silence, deep within the great spacecraft, isolated
from all the rest of the universe by trillions of miles of
emptiness, Kallen whispered about their reality, to the little
boy who lay in his arms.

"Little Traveler.  Trevor.  I ... met someone.   One day, I ...
don't know what ... Fate, or Providence, or mere
happenstance, caused it ... but I met someone special ...
who gave me purpose, who gave my life meaning ... after
I had lost all purpose and meaning.

"I didn't recognize it at first, I even fought against it for a
while – well, you know how people can be – we resist
change, when we've become a little comfortable with the
way things are.

"My special someone wouldn't let me ignore him, though.
Not for long.  You see, he had kind of lost all purpose and
meaning too, and he needed me, just as I needed him.

"Well, gradually we got to know each other, and out of that
need, and that renewed purpose and meaning, we started
to depend on each other.  I know he depends on me,
every moment of the day – I talk to him, give him advice
... hey, I even feed him ... I've been known to wipe his
butt, too.

"Oh man, how I depend on him.   I'd rather hear his
scratchy little voice, than hear the music of the heavenly
spheres.  I'd rather see his little elfish smile, I'd rather feel
his hand in mine,  I'd rather just BE in his presence, than
to have any other riches imaginable. When I'm in his
presence, I feel complete.  There came a time, soon after I
met him, when every moment I spent away from him, was
like missing a part of myself.

"Yeah, I've grown to love him.  IN EVERY WAY.   I want
to give myself to him.   IN EVERY WAY.

"Let me show you, Trav.  Let me show you who I'm talking
about.  Will you let me show you?"

All the time Kallen had been speaking, Trav lay with his
head down, his chin upon his chest, his mouth held
closed, his eyes staring at ... his blanketed knees, his feet
... perhaps nothing.  Kallen knew the boy felt drained and
defeated, but hoped his words would gain him another
chance.   All he wanted now, was one more chance.  If
this too failed, then he'd beg for another, and another.
"Will you, Trav?  Please just let me ...."

"Yes," Trav conceded, breaking in softly, his head still
lowered, but he raised his brow and looked up into
Kallen's eyes, looking so hurt, so weary, yet once again
daring to hope.  Kallen drew immediate strength from that.
The boy would never give up, no matter how many times
fate had knocked him down!

"I WILL show you," Kallen affirmed, solemnly, then he
stood again, lifting the boy's feather-light body easily, still
cradled in his arms.  He laid Trav back down upon the bed
so very gently, still wrapped in the blankets, his bottom
first, then slowly stretching out his legs, then letting his
shoulders down upon the mattress.  Finally he let his
hand slip from beneath Trav's head, laying it upon his soft
pillow. Trav lay there looking up at him questioningly, his
brow furrowed.  He was wrapped in the blankets like a
baby in  swaddling clothes.

Looking directly into Trav's eyes, Kallen intoned,
"Tommie.  Dusk.  No music.  Then leave us."

It was so much more than a mere command to the
computer.  Trav understood.  His eyes grew suddenly
wider, and he drew in his breath deeply.

Tommie dimmed the cabin lights slowly, as if night were
falling, setting a mood that Kallen fell into naturally.   It
was totally quiet as he walked slowly around the bed,
keeping his eyes on Trav's, smoothing the sheets,
removing the noodlenode.  He felt like he was falling into a
trance, hypnotized by the connection between their
unfaltering gaze.  They could still see each other clearly,
as twilight gave way to dusk.  Colors were muted, melting
to softer shades in the transient light of a late evening.

Kallen returned to stand just at Trav's shoulder, beside
the bed.   He heard the little boy breathing, as his fingers
sought the clasp holding his pants closed.  Trav could
hear the faint brush of metal upon metal, as the man
slowly unzipped his pants.  He looked down at Kallen's
mid-section, as the pants slipped to the floor. The man's
flaccid dick dangled, so long and thick, to the little boys
eyes.  Trav could see Kallen's swaying balls, looking so
powerful and huge.

Kallen removed his shirt next and tossed it away, and
slipped his shoes off without bending to them, then sidled
up the bed, closer to the position of Trav's head.  "This is
... what I want to show you, Trav," he said quietly, as he
cupped his balls in his left hand, and brought his right to
his soft penis, and hefted it too.  "This is what being near
you does to me."

With languid motions of his fingers, he fondled his heavy
balls, pushing them out, so that Trav could see them
clearly, lifting first one, then the other, so the boy could
see their contours – egg-sized ovals, potent with his man-
seed.  With his other hand he pulled on his penis,
elongating it, showing it off as it became erect quickly,
lengthening, thickening, becoming rigid, till it jutted out
straight out from his body.   He let go of it, and released
his balls to sway beneath his organ, then stepped even
closer to the bed, so that his thighs brushed up against
the sheets.  His eight inch erection rose over the mattress,
over the boy's outstretched form.  "You make me a man
again, Trav," he spoke huskily, his arousal starting to take
control of his being, feeling the truth of what he was
demonstrating to Trav.  This was for the both of them.   A
healing of both their spirits.  He realized that he wanted
this boy very much.  He needed this boy.

Still in slow motion, he stepped down the side of the bed
again, shifting sideways, keeping his jutting penis in
Trav's view, then walked forward around the foot of the
bed to the other side.  Trav watched all the way, following
the man's bobbing dick, examining his naked form, so tall
and straight.

When he reached the opposite side, Kallen placed both
hands on the bed, his fingertips just touching it.  "May I ...
join you?" he asked, his head lowered but his eyes still
seeking Trav's, as if supplicating before the boy.

"Ye ...," Trav tried to answer, but seemed suddenly to
have lost his voice.  He too lowered his head a bit, and
looked up, from lowered brow, towards the pilot.  He
nodded `yes' almost imperceptibly.

Kallen  crawled up onto the wide bed on his hands and
knees, his dick now swaying down and forward, ramming
forward as he drew closer.   It stabbed upward mightily
into the air, when he sat back on his heels, his left knee
just touching Trav's blanketed arm.  The tip was wet with
the clear, silken ooze of his pre-cum.

He leaned forward a bit, and placed one hand on Trav's
thigh, as if seeking their first connection, letting Trav share
in the act, as he then very deliberately fingered just the
head of his penis with his other hand, slowly swirling the
pre-cum around the tip of his glans, then just as slowly
widening the circle, slipping his foreskin back, and back..
His glans was fiery pink - almost red -  engorged,
glistening.  Another drop of seminal fluid gathered at the
tip, presaging the release which he knew he would no
longer deny himself, with this boy.

His foreskin lodged behind the coronal rim of his spear-
like glans.  His dick head was sleek, yet full, sweeping
back from the frenulum like a helmet.  Now he looked just
like the boy would, when he pulled down the covers.  He
wanted to look like Trav.  He wanted the boy to see that
they were essentially the same - all male, gloriously male,
bared and visibly longing each other!

"I want to ... see you, Trav," the man uttered so softly that
it was almost a whisper, as he let his penis go, and
extended both hands towards the opening of the blanket,
below Trav's chin.  There he paused, frozen in entreaty,
on his knees before the boy.  It was a request that he now
felt to the core of his being.  He had seen and touched
Trav's naked body countless times, but now, it was if he
had never before been granted that gift.  "May I?" he
begged, his breath coming faster, in anticipation.

"Y-yes," came the boy's meek reply, not much more than
a whisper as well.

Again, they gazed into each other's eyes, exchanging
acknowledgment that they both desired the other.
Kallen's features suddenly softened, as he felt the boy's
own desire.  It was a desire that he felt so blessed to be
able to meet.  This boy would no longer ever have to ask
`Why not me!"

Kallen parted the folds of the cocoon encasing Trav's
shoulders, slowly revealing the boy's delicate form.  Trav
was waif-like, every bone clearly outlined under his
smooth, translucent olive skin.  The fine tracery of bluish
veins swept in an alluring web beneath the boys skin,
giving the impressing that to touch him, would almost be
to touch his very heart and soul.  Kallen leaned forward
even more, wide-eyed now with wonder.  He had caressed
and washed Trav's shoulders and chest so many times -
now he realized that his love for the boy, his worship for
this boy, had been growing day after day, for he knew
each line of the boy's form by memory.  Should he mold
his fingers to the curve of Trav's narrow shoulders first?
Or let then wash across his fragile ribs, hoping to feel his
heartbeat beneath?

He closed his eyes for a second, and lowered his hands to
touch the boy.  For that moment, his whole being
centered on the heat of Trav's flesh - he knew Trav would
feel his own life force as well - they would share it together.

The silence was complete.  He thought that for a moment
both of them had stopped breathing.  Then he opened his
eyes again, to follow his fingers as they glided lovingly,
just grazing Trav's tiny nipples, dipping into his tender
armpits, then out along the sleek lines of his arms.

He felt, rather than heard, the soft heave of Trav's breath,
and looked up.  "You're ... crying, sweetheart," he
muttered softly, wondering why.   "What's the matter?"  He
said, as he let one hand drift tenderly up along Trav's
cheek, then to his brow, to brush stray curls into place.

"You do want me to ... go farther, don't you sweet?  You
know I'd never do anything you didn't want."

"It's ... it's not that ... I do want you to go on, Kall," Trav
answered, "It's just ...."

Kallen followed the boy's gaze, as he looked down his
body, looking almost ashamed, or worried.

"What is it, Little Traveler?  I'd ... I'd never hurt you, you
know.  I just want to ... show you ...."

Trav's voice rasped again, and Kallen could hear the fear
in it.  "It's just that, a while ago, when you ... got so hard, I
... I got hard too, but now, when you touched me, I ...
Kallen! I always wanted a man to love me, but now I don't
know what to do, and ... I was hard before, but ..."

"It's alright, honey!" Kallen immediately realized what the
boy was worried about.  "My first time, I got scared too,
Trav.  And I got soft, just at the wrong time.  But it was ok.
Trust me, little one."

"I want to, Kall.  I do, but ... and it's so ugly now, since
they ...."

"Shhhhhhh," Kallen put his index finger to Trav's lips.  He
gave just the slightest chuckle possible, and looked so
tenderly into Trav's eyes.  "I think mine's hard enough for
both of us right now, sweet.  But don't worry, I know just
what to do."

"You do?  But ... you won't like it, Kall, it's so ...."

"Shhhhh, now.  Just let me show you, Trav.  Let me show
you."

Kallen unconsciously licked his lips, as he slowly parted
the blankets even more, pulling the edges apart, revealing
the little whorled hole of Trav's belly button, the jut of his
pelvis, then the slope of the boy's lower belly.

In anticipation, he scooted a bit farther down the bed, and
reversed his body angle.  He wanted to be able to see
Trav's face, to look up along the boy's slim body, to share
in the eagerness and the wonder that he felt building
within him.   He laid down beside the boy, propped on his
own forearm, his head over the boy's thighs.  His cheek
touched the fabric of the blanket encasing the columns of
Trav's legs, just inches below that magical conjunction,
where a man could see and touch and taste and smell his
boy.   Kallen could smell Trav's private scent even now,
through the think blanket.  There was no air movement in
the room, to disperse the heat rising from the boy's flesh.
He smelled clean, yet musky - his body, like every boy's
body, a furnace of energy and potential, always in heat,
emanating  that residue, that essence of boy, that was like
an aphrodisiac to any man.

 "I can almost see it, Trav," he said, amazed at himself,
that he felt such excitement and tension.  He looked up
from the little triangle of Trav's pubis, still hidden, but
clearly outlined beneath the fabric, to seek Trav's eyes
momentarily, and smiled.  "I ...," suddenly he had to catch
his breath. "I've seen it so many times before, Trav, but
now I feel like I'm seeing it for the first time.  Like ...
maybe ... it's the first time you wanted me to see it."

"I've wanted you to see it for a long time, Kall.  I mean ...
to want it ... but I don't know ... when they cut it ... it ..."

Kallen swiveled his hips, lifting his own turgid penis off the
sheets.  "Yours will look just like mine, sweetie.  We're the
same," he said, as he flexed his legs out straight, making
his long, hard dick stick out even more, letting the boy see
everything, from the bared glans, down the long veined
stalk, to his balls, hanging down across his inner thigh.

He returned his attention to the hidden treasures just
before him, and started peeling the blanket apart more.

"But ...."

"You'll see.  I'll show you, we're the same."

Trav's breathed in haltingly, deeply.  He looked down at
his own midsection too, now, but there was no way he
could fail to see the man's surging dick just beside him.
His eyes flitted from the one, revealed completely, to the
other, still hidden.

The boy's tender little tool was indeed soft.  Not
slumbering, just waiting, unsure.  It lay curved upon the
satiny smooth, hairless flesh of his pubic mound.  As
Kallen pulled down the edge of the blanket, he saw first
that curve, the thick, wormlike tube, rising from it's base,
curving impossibly around and down, to still hide it's head
beneath the covers.  The circumcision scar was quiescent
- not the raw red that it so often was, but its crinkled and
swelling folds were the same cream-brown color as the
rest of Trav's perfect flesh.

He pulled the covers down more, and involuntarily drew in
a breath of astonishment.   It was so utterly beautiful!!
The bluish-tinted head of Trav's little cocklet was just so
gorgeous, contrasting with the pale cream of the rest of
the short tube.  Tiny blue veins were visible just beneath
the skin of the inch and a half long dick.  Around the base
of the little cock, the folds of Trav's scrotum formed a little
trough, then gathered below, hanging down, encasing the
two little marble-sized, elongated testicles.  The tracery of
veins and capillaries were both red and blue within that
precious little pouch.

For a moment, Kallen wondered how this sight could be
so utterly, stunningly, arousing and beautiful.  What was it
about such a small tube of flesh and some folds of skin,
that could make him shiver now?  He knew it was primal.
MEN WERE MADE TO LOVE BOYS!  Some lucky few
realized it, reveled in it.  The rest might repress it.  But
every man alive was drawn to dick -  boy dick!  It was
genetic.  The phallus was THE symbol of mankind.  The
species couldn't survive without women either, but it was
the penis and the testicles that poured out the life-giving
seed!  In a boy, every bit of that was combined!  The
phallic power, the effeminate lines of a girl.  Life, itself!

He soaked in the beauty of Trav's dick and balls - it was
so intense that it was almost painful, this sudden
awareness that the flesh he had cleaned and handled so
often, was just so incredibly beautiful and exciting.

Why now?  Why only now did Trav's little dick fill him with
such wonder?

Soft like this, the circumcision scar tissue was all
scrunched up beneath the glans, just a shade darker then
the skin along the shaft below it.  Here and there within
the folds, tender and reddish, infinitely thin-looking tissue,
still raw from the surgery, made the remnant of his
foreskin look so delicate.  Kallen wondered now that he
had ever been bold enough to touch it - how uncaring he
had been before!  When he touched it tonight, he would
show such loving care.

And there was the answer.  He knew it.  He now saw the
beauty that had always been inherent in Trav's little penis,
precisely because he now intended to touch it with such
love, precisely for the purpose of showing Trav his care!

The organ lay there unmoving.  The blood that so often
had pumped within it when he washed Trav, or when he
changed his diaper, was now withdrawn.  Kallen stared at
it, his eyes just inches away, wondering at it's latent
potency.  Trav was so sensitive that he got hardons more
often than not.  Now that potency was held in check by
doubt.

Kallen looked up again, past the curve of Trav's lower
tummy, past the little vale of his belly-button, across the
narrow confines of his rising and lowering chest, past the
lips that parted in worry, past those nostrils that flared
infinitesimally with each rise of his chest ... to his eyes.
He met Trav's gaze again.  He could see the doubt in
them, even fear.

He smiled, just letting the very corners of his lips upturn,
to affirm what he knew Trav needed to hear.  "It's so
precious, Trav," he nearly whispered.  "I'm ... literally in
awe.  I don't think ... I've ever seen anything more
beautiful."

Trav's eyelids fluttered, and he closed his mouth, at the
same time as he drew in a deep breath.  He held it,
looking back at Kallen wide-eyed again, then let it out
slowly.  Kallen could see that the boy was still struggling
with the idea – he wanted to believe, but he still doubted.

"I want to touch it, Trav.  Can I?"  Even as he said it, he
saw the little penis start to twitch.  Trav might still be
doubting, but he was listening.  He had to hear to truth in
the man's words.  It started to stretch out and straighten
simultaneously, the glans sliding at first imperceptibly,
then faster and faster across the silk-smooth pad of Trav's
pubis, then it started lifting, pulsing!

"Yes," Trav whispered immediately, and nodded his head
once, ever so slightly.

"My god!  Look at it!" Kallen muttered, his eyes now again
transfixed on Trav's genitals.   "Your scar, Trav!  Look at it!
It's ... it's simply ... look at the way the folds are stretching
out!  It's a marvel, and SO beautiful!"  And Kallen meant
every word.  He had rarely seen a circumcised dick, and in
all the time he had been with Trav he had never before
truly allowed himself to really look at this one.  For the
briefest moment, the image of Robbie's dick flashed into
his mind.  So utterly beautiful too, and intact.  Was it
indeed more perfect, for that reason?  Yes, no doubt.  Did
it offer him a special pleasure that Trav could never know
again?  Yes.  But was Trav less male, less a boy, than
Robbie?  No!  And the true beauty was that Kallen knew
he could say that truthfully now, without guilt, that he
could love both boys with all his heart, could see and
appreciate the beauty in both of them equally, without
taking away from either of them.

"I haven't even touched it yet, Trav, and it's growing!"

Kallen leaned in and planted his first kiss right at the base
of the boy's little hardening shaft, right on the very top of
his scrotum, above the twin dangling balls.  He felt Trav
gasp, but didn't look up.  He just reared back again, over
Trav's thighs, and boldly brought his free hand over to fist
the boy's erection, wrapping it completely within his
fingers, but making his touch ever so light.  The whole
length of the boy's erect two inches was within his grasp –
he made sure Trav could feel it, from the tip of the glans
all the way to down to his balls, as he once, twice, then
three times stroked the boy's tumescent flesh.  Then just
as quickly, he let the straining shaft go, releasing it with
one last swipe of his thumb right at the underside of the
glans.

Trav cried out at the sudden intensity of the pleasure he
felt!  His chest rose mightily, then crashed down.  Kallen
knew that if the boy could have moved them, he would
have brought his own hands up immediately, reflexively, to
cover and protect his little penis.

"Now look at it!" Kallen called out excitedly, staring intently
at the little shaft.  "Your scar is flaming red now, Trav!  I
just touched it, ever so lightly, and now look at it!  It must
be incredibly sensitive!"

"It ... i-it is!" Trav tried to answer and catch his breath at
the same time.  "Wh ... what did you ... do, Kall?!"  It
almost sounded like the boy was going to cry.

"Did it hurt, sweet?" Kallen forced his eyes away from the
boy's dick, to glance again into his eyes.

"No!  It felt ... incredible!"

"Can I touch it again?"

"Yes!"

"Alright," Kallen said, as he repositioned himself slightly,
moving his body closer in, letting his own rigid dick come
in contact with Trav's pillow.  He had to steel himself to
keep from starting to hump against it.

"Tell me if it ever hurts.  OK?"

"Yes.  I will."  Trav managed to say, his breath still coming
haltingly.

"Oh god, look at your dickhead too, Trav.  It was kind of
bluish before, but now it's more ... reddish, kind of
purplish?"

"It feels so tight, Kall."

Kallen brought his hand up again, but this time he ever so
lightly took hold of Trav's shaft with his thumb on the
underside and his middle finger on the top of the shaft,
just below the glans.  He levered it downwards, till it was
pointing more at his than at Trav's face."  You have the
tiniest little pee slit, Trav.  It looks so delicate – couldn't be
more than an eighth of an inch long."

He let the pad of his index finger just brush across Trav's
little slit.

"Mmmmm," Trav moaned.

"Your dick couldn't be more than a ... it has to be not
much more than a half-inch thick, Trav.  Well, maybe Ύ of
an inch – not much bigger than when you're soft.  But
look at the length of it!  You grew an inch, at least!"

"It's ... it's kind of small, isn't it," Trav said deprecatingly.

"Just perfect, if you ask me," Kallen answered.

"Right here, Trav  - look, right here at the base of your
dickhead," the pilot lowered the shaft down almost onto
Trav's pubis.  "See where my thumb is, see that little ridge
of your scar?  That's where your foreskin was attached
right to the base of your glans – your dickhead.  That's a
really sensitive place, on any boy's dick.  I know, because
I used to rub myself there with just the smooth surface of
my thumbnail – it would take me an hour, but I could cum
just with that, on that one spot."

"Are you ... are you going to do that to me," Trav asked.

"Not this time, honey.  We have plenty of time if you want
to try that.  Right now I just want to jack you off, ok?  I
want to be able to feel my fingers on your dick, and I want
to feel it when you cum."

"Oh, ok," Trav answered.  He didn't sound at all
disappointed.

Kallen started lightly stroking then, in earnest.  First he
just let his thumb and one finger glide up and down the
boy's pole, making sure to graze the edge of his glans.
He glanced up every few seconds to see how Trav was
reacting, loving the way the boy was concentrating, staring
at his own penis, drawing short breaths in through his
open mouth now, as if he couldn't get enough oxygen
otherwise.

"Your circumcision scar is soft, Trav.  I never felt anything
so soft, even your bottom!"  He shifted the pads of his
thumb and finger around on the shaft as much as he
could, letting the boy feel the soft glide along the sides of
his dick for a while, again brushing the flared, coronal
edge of his dickhead.   The boys glans was growing
darker and redder by the second.  With every touch of his
thumb and finger along it's rim, it would become white
and bloodless for just an instant, then the blood would
rush back in.

Trav started to moan again, and every once in a while he
would let out a kind of anguished yelp.

"Are you sure it's ok, sweet?" Kallen asked, wondering if
this were too early after Trav was cut, to be masturbating
him like this.

"Yes!  Keep ... keep doing ... it ... please!" Trav
answered, again sounding as if he was feeling as much
pain as pleasure, his voice rising in pitch, and rasping
even more than normally.

"But you sound like it's hurting, honey,"  Kallen
responded, still concerned.

"You just ... don't know, Kall ... we used to ... jerk off, me
and Serg, but ... ooohhhh God!" he ended with another
cry, and jerked his head back into the pillow.  "I've ...
wanted to do it again, Kall, but ... ever since ... I can't
even touch it!"

Kallen saw that the boy was starting to cry, and for the first
time it dawned on him – what boy didn't spend half his
waking moments with his hand on his own dick!  Kallen
could remember when he was a boy, and wondering at
that fact, himself, that his hands always seemed to
wander there, to finger and fondle his own penis, even
when it wasn't hard.  Now here was a boy who couldn't
even move his arms, couldn't do the simplest things for
himself ... couldn't do even the most natural and personal
things, that all other boys could do without conscious
effort.

Jacking Trav off was more than a sexual act.  It was like
letting him reclaim THE most vital part of himself!

Kallen slipped his thumb and finger back around, then
added one, then two more fingers, and tightened his grip.
No longer did he merely glide his finger tips along Trav's
shaft.   He pressed into it, forcing the sensitive but elastic
skin to glide with his fingers – the soft outer skin rising
and falling along the hard inner column of his dick.  Nerve
endings that were merely tantalized before, were now
screaming out with his every stroke.  Trav's moans rose
right along with Kallen's increased pressure.

And now the tempo!  He started pumping up and down a
bit faster, and faster, till the edge of his third finger was
pressing hard into the boy's pubis with each downstroke.
The fleshy, helmet-like dickhead was stretched down,
opening the boy's piss slit wide over the rock hard,
unyielding hardness within.  The boy's balls were drawn
up, then fell back again, flailing about wildly inside their
pouch with each stroke.

The sight was dumb-foundingly, gloriously beautiful!  His
hand was pounding, pulling, stretching the boy's tender
flesh – the feel of Trav's hardness was exhilarating!   The
sound of his labored breathing, his cries of pure pleasure,
his sobs of joy, made Kallen's own blood boil within him.
He didn't even know when he started it.  He didn't even
realize he was doing it.  But as he continued to pump up
and down on Trav's dick, he started humping against the
boy's pillow.  Faster and faster went his hand, faster and
faster his own hips moved, forcing his penis deeper into
the fabric of the pillow.  Trav was already thrashing his
head about, exerting a Herculean effort, keeping pace with
the pounding at his midsection – and now Kallen was
bashing it from side to side with each smash of his dick
into the pillow.  Trav felt it.   He tried to push back against
the pressure purposely, trying to meet each of Kallen's
strokes with resistance, wanting Kallen to feel that even
though he couldn't move his own hands, he was taking
part in this consciously.

Both man and boy were like maddened robotons,
relentlessly inflicting the same, repeated, endless motions.
Kallen joined his own guttural moans with Trav's, and their
voices worked with each other in a kind of shattering
chorus.  Neither ever lost sight of their purpose, both knew
at every second exactly what their intent was ... they
made love with an abandon that indeed did shatter every
barrier that ever had stood between them.

Their explosions came at practically the same time.
Suddenly Trav shrieked out, and his midsection heaved
involuntarily, instinctively, slamming into Kallen's fist.
Kallen felt it, and had enough control of his faculties to
immediately stop his pumping action.  He grasped the
boy's dick tightly, squeezing, making his glans bulge up.
Trav screamed out again and again, till Kallen let go and
the boy's head collapsed back into the pillow.  He
breathed in and out loudly, momentarily lost to the world,
until he finally felt Kallen's own penis pumping and
pounding into the pillow again, just beside his head.

Kallen barely missed stride, with Trav's orgasm.  He
wanted his own.  He wanted release, finally!  He wanted
his release as a part of this act with Trav!  Now he laid his
head directly down upon Trav's thighs and wrapped his
arm across the boy's stomach, and started pounding his
dick into the boy's pillow.

"I'm .. cumming ... too!"  He called out just seconds after
grasping the boy to hold on for dear life.  His dickhead
extended down beyond the pillow, over Trav's shoulder,
and shot out his cum along the length of the boy's torso.
The first glob hit just below Trav's navel, splattering
against the man's arm,  then another right on his
stomach, and another father up on his chest.  Kallen's
dick jerked again and again, till Trav's chest and shoulder
were dripping in the accumulated cum of a week.

He had just enough strength to look up at Trav again.
The boy was laying back firmly against the pillow, but his
eyes were wide open, staring astonished at the pools of
sperm all over his chest.  He glanced down at Kallen, looking
awed.

Kallen smiled weakly, almost apologetically, then
collapsed back onto the bed.

"Sorry ... about that ... Little Traveler.   I just couldn't ...
help it!'

"Don't be, Kall!" Trav protested.  "I never felt so wonderful
in my life."

"Oh yeah, me too!" Kallen responded.  "You were
incredible.  But I kind of made a mess on you!"

"I want it ... there ... I want it to dry there ...." Trav said,
sounding sleepy all of a sudden.  He smiled dreamily, his
eyes half-closing.

They both lay still then.  Kallen listened through his own
recovering breath, as Trav slowly relaxed.  He watched as
the little boy's penis softened again and lay back down,
sliding sideways again, to rest as he had found it earlier.
His own manhood grew flaccid too upon his own pubis, a
little pool of semen forming at the tip.    He wondered if
Trav saw it, as well.  Wondered if they should talk about
what had happened between them.  Or perhaps they had
already said it best, and like their quiescent dicks, should
just let the matter rest

He knew he would have to get up soon.  At the very least
get Trav's cum-splattered chest cleaned up!  Then get
some supper and get them settled for the night.  Plenty of
time to talk, then.  Perhaps they should just lay here for a
while more.  He was about to tell Tommie to lower the
lights for a little nap time, when finally Trav spoke.

"Hey Kall," he called out softly.

"Yeah, sweet?"

"If I'm not mistaken, I think ... uh ... I think you just
anointed me too."

"Yeah, sweetie.  I think I just did."


---------------------------


"When can we do it again, Kall?" Trav said out of the blue.

Even though they were on their morning walk, making the
rounds,  Kallen knew immediately what his little boy was
talking about.  He felt the stirrings in his groin at the very
thought, his dick starting to lengthen and harden down his
pants leg.

"Haha, well we just did it an hour ago.  You wouldn't even
let me get breakfast first!"

"You said boyprick tastes better than any breakfast.
Especially mine!"

"Too true, Little Traveler.  Hmmh," Kallen looked around
speculatively.  He reached down to adjust his straining
tool.  "It might be a little awkward right here in the
passageway, on your sleigh."

"Oh come on, there's plenty of room up here.  I can see
you want it too."  Trav urged, slyly nodding down to the
man's crotch.  He sat like a little prince, resplendent in his
robes, cushioned and comfortable within the chair that
Kallen had affixed for him to one of the cargo sledges.  It
hovered just inches off the floor of the passageway.
Kallen had yet to setup voice guidance for the makeshift
conveyance.

"Yeah but I doubt the gravcompensators would be able to
adjust fast enough to keep up with my mouth!  That thing
wasn't designed for moving cargo, you know.   I guess we
could settle it on the floor."  Kallen grinned, raising his
eyebrows naughtily.

Trav looked up at him and returned his grin coyly.  "I just
like it so much, Kall.  You think I'm over-sexed?."

"Yeah, well if you're oversexed, then so am I.  I'd spend all
my time between your legs if I could figure out how."

"You really like it that much?  I mean ... my dick?"

"Oh yeah!"

"You really think it's pretty?  You always say that."

"Gorgeous!"

Instead of the beaming smile that he expected to receive,
Kallen was taken aback when Trav suddenly lowered his
head, looking down into his lap, where the pilot had
crossed the boy's hands when arranging him onboard the
sledge.  Trav seemed to be considering something.  He
seemed quite serious all of a sudden.

Kallen just kept walking, guiding the sledge manually
beside him, glancing with concern to the side occasionally
at his little companion.  His erection started to subside just
as quickly as it had started.

Finally Trav looked up at him, and said tentatively, "I
guess you couldn't say that about the rest of me, huh?"

"Wh - what do you mean?"

"You say my dick is beautiful.  I guess ... you couldn't say
the same about ... uh ...." Trav looked down at his hands
again, and fell silent.

"Oh.  That,"  Kallen said.  He pursed his lips, glanced
sideways at Trav a couple of times, and thought about
how to answer the boy.  It was something he had
wondered about too.  He wasn't about to lie to Trav - no
way he could say that the boy was the typical boylover's
dreamboat - yet ... well, there it was.  He didn't know why,
really, or how - perhaps familiarity?  Whatever it was, he
knew that he caught himself looking at Trav, thinking,
redefining his own sense of beauty.

"I'm going to have to show you something, Trav," he finally
said, speaking softly, seriously.  "I've been saving it.
We're not quite far enough out yet, but I guess it'll have to
be now."

"Oh?" Trav said, looking sideways at the man.  He
seemed a bit sad.  Kallen knew the boy had to be
disappointed. Even as realistic as he was, Trav had to be
hoping that Kallen - of all the people he had ever known -
might find him attractive.

"Yep.  Just follow me, young man."

They walked on slowly, in silence, with the sledge locked
onto the man – wherever he strode or turned to, the sled
followed and stuck to his side.

Trav took on that resigned, defeated look that he
sometimes wore, when he was feeling like he wasn't good
enough.  Kallen felt so bad for him.  He prayed that what
he had in mind would make a difference.

"Where are we going?" the boy finally spoke up, his
curiosity getting the better of his deflated ego.

"Well, have you noticed that I never took you to the port
side before?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I've been saving that.  We've been getting closer and
closer to a special sight that I wanted to show you, just at
the best time.  Well ... I'm thinking maybe now would be
the best time."

"What is it?"

"Oh, you'll see!"

They walked on a bit more, then Kallen stopped abruptly
just before coming to an intersection. He turned to Trav
excitedly, and reached out to grasp the covers that had
bunched around Trav's shoulders.  "Here!  Now ... here,
put your blanket over your eyes," he said, a rather smug
smirk on his face, as he lifted the covers and draped them
around the boy's head.  "You have to promise me not to
look until I say so!"

"How am I going to breathe in here!" Trav's muffled protest
sounded less than anguished.  Kallen just chuckled.
"You'll be ok.  I'm going to have to carry you the rest of the
way.  We could never get this sled into bubble."

"Like the one we've been to before." Trav suggested, as
Kallen reached in to gather him carefully into his arms.
He lifted the little boy effortlessly, and held him cradled
against his chest and stomach.

"Yep, just that this one is on the other side of the ship."

"What is it you want to show me?"

"You'll see," Kallen said smugly.  "Just ... one ...
moment."  He added as he stepped around the corner
and directly into the portside observation bubble.  He knelt
down onto one knee, and gently positioned Trav against
the wall, so that he would have just the right vantage.
Then he sat down beside the boy, and carefully slipped
his arm behind his back, to hold him upright and steady.
"There.  Feel ok?"  he asked as he pulled a wrinkle in the
blanket out from beneath Trav's thigh, then smoothed it
over his legs.

"Yeah, but what is it!"

"Haha, ok, you can open your eyes now," Kallen said, as
he pulled the folds of the blanket apart, and let it fall from
Trav's face.

"Whoa!  Wha ....  Kall!  It's ...," Trav stumbled for words,
his mouth dropping open, dumbfounded.  Kallen watched
the boy's face.  It was painted by a pearlescent glow of
many colors – all the colors at once!  Trav's eyes were
wide, reflecting the many-hued wonder before them, that
brightened the otherwise infinite blackness of outer space.

"It's mag ... nificent," Trav finally completed his thought in
a hushed voice, his tone filled with awe.  "But ... what is
it?"

It's your first nebula, up close and personal," Kallen
answered, feeling quite self-satisfied.  "Well, within a few
light-years up close and personal, anyway, although it's
hard to tell where a nebula actually ends  – we're probably
in it, actually, and we're just seeing the bright core."

Trav just stared and stared, his mouth still hanging open,
speechless.  Kallen kept quiet too.  The whole bubble was
painted in the glow of the nebula's rarefied gasses – so
were their bodies, their faces, their eyes – and the whole
broad expanse of the ship hull, in all directions.   They
could look deep into the gargantuan swirls and cavities of
hot gas, energized by the stars within.

Kallen had to shake himself from a kind of stupor, the
visual grandeur of the scene deadening all sense of time,
purpose, reality.  He did remember his purpose in
bringing Trav to see this.  "You think it's beautiful, Trav?"
he asked quietly, solemnly, not wanting to cut too harshly
into the mood of wonder that had overtaken them both.

"Beautiful.  Majestic ... Kall," Trav answered.

"What do you think gives it that majesty?  Is this
something greater than the both of us, greater than life
even?"

"It's certainly ... bigger than life."

"Is it?  Or do we, you and me, sitting here looking at it,
bestow that majesty upon this sight?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"It's the proverbial question, Trav.  Can there be anything
majestic or beautiful about a bunch of gas molecules
scattered throughout space, without someone like you or
me to see it?"

"I ... guess not," the boy answered, tentatively.  "I guess it
depends on what you call beauty."

"Yeah," Kallen agreed.  He let Trav ponder the thought a
bit, then asked, "You know what they call this?"

"No.  What?"

"This is the Horse Head Nebula."

"Oh!" Trav exclaimed.  "I've seen pictures of that!  But this
... doesn't look at all like the pictures I've seen."

"No, it doesn't, from here.  But it surely does from Earth!"

"You mean if we were on Earth, this would look like the
Horse Head I've seen in the astronomy books."

"Yep.  It's all a matter of perspective.  Who's looking, and
where from."

Kallen felt the boy's head nodding up and down against
his upper arm, as he considered it  "Makes sense," Trav
finally agreed.

"Well, that's why I wanted you to see this now, Trav.  It
proves something very important for you."

"What's that?"

"Remember you  said I could never call you beautiful?
Like I said your dick was so beautiful?  Remember how
you're always saying that you're ugly?"

"Yes," Trav answered, his voice falling to a subdued hush,
sounding ashamed.   "I know I am."

"Ahh!  I don't think you can say that anymore, after seeing
this, Trav."

"Why not?  It's true," he answered dully.

"No, Trav.  Your face, your body – they're just like this
nebula.  Is your face, is any boy's face, beautiful
without someone to say it is?  Isn't beauty, as they say, in
the eye of the beholder?"

"I .... "

"I'm looking at you, sweetie.  My gaze tells me you're
beautiful beyond measure.  Beautiful beyond all the stars.'

Trav just sat there, looking askance up into Kallen's eyes,
then he turned out towards the starlit nebula.  For the
longest time, while Kallen studied him, the boy stared,
unblinking.  The pilot followed his companion's gaze, and
wondered – did the boy believe?  Did he want to believe!?
It was so important that he accept the truth, that he
understand how infinitely desirable he was to Kallen, in so
many ways!

He tightened his grasp around the boy's waist, and pulled
him gently closer.  Trav was feather-light - Kallen easily
gathered him in, snuggling, feeling the boy's bony
shoulder pressing into his side.

They were sitting so close, and Kallen could look right
down and see Trav finally let his lids fall, and then the boy
just sat still, in silence, his eyes moist, hooded, looking
out into the heavens, as if considering something.

The man closed his own eyes momentarily, just letting
himself sense the marvel of this moment.  He was alone
with a boy, in the depths of outer space – where distances
were so immense, that for all practical matter, they were
the only two beings in existence.  Only the very warping of
reality would ever bring them back into contact with other
living creatures.  So for this moment, in this time and
place, truly the universe was theirs – his and little Trav's –
to define.  Beauty was as they would see it.  Love was as
they would share it.   He hoped that Trav sensed all this
too.  That Trav would allow himself to accept this truth.

"Kallen?"  Trav whispered.

The man's heart stopped beating for a second. This
moment was done.  Now Trav would define the next.
What would he say?   "Yes, Little Traveler?" he answered,
opening his eyes, and looking down to his side again.

Trav met his gaze.  A faint, winsome smile drew up the
boy's lips just at the corners.  His eye-lids were still half-
lowered, but he looked up from beneath them.

`He's smiling!' Kallen wanted to shout it out, feeling the
rush of blood rampaging through his system, electrifying,
energizing him.    That smile alone was sufficient answer!

"You really do love me, don't you, Kall?"

"Yes, I really do love you. With all my heart," Kallen said,
then bent his head to kiss the boy on the top of his head.
Trav's hair felt so soft against his lips, and smelled so
sweet and clean.

Trav took a deep, deep breath, and looked up at Kallen
with a mixture of wonder, and acceptance, and gratitude
in his eyes.  A tear formed and fell from the corner of one
eye.  Then one from the other.

He sniffled then, as more tears began to well up and fall.
His lips trembled a bit, but he just pressed them harder
together, trying to maintain that little smile.

Kallen reached across his body and dabbed the corner of
the blanket in Trav's eyes and cheeks.  His heart was
beating so fast, that his hand trembled.

"Tell me, Kall," Trav whispered.

"Tell you ... what ... dearest?"

"Tell me ... what you see ... here ... that's beautiful ...."

Kallen could see the reflection of the nebula glistening just
on the lenses of Trav's dark, auburn eyes, but he knew
instinctively that the boy didn't want to hear of stars and
galaxies – not even of all the wonders of the universe – he
wanted to hear about one little boy. He didn't want to hear
about his spirit right now.  He wanted to finally believe that
he could represent a very physical, desirable BEAUTY in
the eyes of at least one man.

"What I see before me is so very beautiful, Trav.   I'm not
even sure ... where to start ...."

"Did you ... can you imagine something so smooth and
perfect and soft, that to touch it is like being in a dream?
Never being quite certain that it really exists?  Well, that's
like I feel when I touch your cheek."

Kallen turned a bit, pulling his arm out from behind the
boy so very carefully.  He settled Trav back against the
wall, then reached up, so that he could place just the
pads of his two middle fingers on Trav's cheek.  There he
let them glide in an arc just over his cheekbone.  Then he
lifted them, and reached farther back, and placed them
behind Trav's ear, gently lifting it out.

"Your ears stick out more than most boys'.  Did you know
that?  I love to see the whorls within them, the way the
edge so gracefully curls in.  Your skin there actually
shines – a creamy, pinkish color that literally gleams.  The
tip of your little nose is the same way."  He released Trav's
ear, and touched just the tip of his index finger to the tip of
Trav's nose.  Then he let his finger traverse the spine of
the little boy's nose, all the way up to his eyebrows.  He
traced them both ways, with his finger, from the middle.

"How soft your hair is too, and your eyebrows.  So deep
and rich a brown, an auburn brown more vivid than the
colors in that beautiful nebula behind me.  Everything
about you is fine and delicate and so ... precious, Trav!"
Kallen exclaimed.  He felt his heart tightening, felt the grip
of this boy's presence in his life, claiming him.  He had felt
it before, but saying it somehow made it so real.  This boy
was so very beautiful, as only he could be!  Every odd
shaped curve, never fit to the standard measures of
beauty, was a perfect work of art in itself!

"My God how beautiful you are!" Kallen suddenly called
out, his eyes roaming everywhere about the boy's face,
along the lines of his shoulders, seeking out the curve of
his arms beneath the blankets ... with a desperate
longing, he knew he had to hold this boy at this very
moment, to claim him just as Trav had claimed his man!

"I want to ... hold you, Trav," he pleaded breathlessly,
holding out his arms, as if he expected the boy to jump
into them.  He pleaded with his eyes too, and saw the
answer in Trav's eyes, in his tears, in his smile, in the two
little front teeth that slipped into view with his smile.  It was
all the answer he needed.  He almost lunged forward,
slipping his hands behind Trav's blanketed shoulders,
pulling him forward.  He kissed the boy on his forehead
over and over, then let one hand glide down Trav's back,
to cup his bottom, so he could lift him up.

He rose then, lifting Trav with him, and cradled him in his
arms, their eyes locked together.

"Before the very majesty of the heavens, Little Traveler,"
Kallen declared, twirling around so that both of them could
see the grand tapestry beyond the bubble of their little
island in space, "I tell you that in my eyes, you are the
most beautiful wonder in this universe!  I pray that you will
always see yourself as I see you.  I pray that you will
always grant ME the right to define the beauty that you
see in yourself."