Date: Sun, 27 May 2001 14:26:40
From: tim tim <noway16@hotmail.com>
Subject: chapter 14 of coach's assistant

Chapter 14 of coach's assistant


But it was not a good night's sleep. I woke up around 4 in the morning,
completely covered in sweat.  I knew I had had another dream. I just didn't
remember what happened in it.

I lay in bed thinking about David and what he said. He knew something was
wrong and he wouldn't let go.  I knew I had to go to school or David would
be all over me again the next afternoon and, in spite his good intentions,
there is no way I could tell him what had happened.

I continued to just lie on the bed until it was time to get up. I wanted to
be up early so I had plenty of time to get myself together and try to make
myself look presentable.

I was going to school but I didn't know what I was going to do there.

At around 6.30 I finally got up and went to the bathroom.  I looked in the
mirror and saw that my colour was still very pale.  I just knew I had to
get it together, so I showered, got dressed and tried to put some colour on
my checks by using a little powder that was still there from when my mom
lived with us.

It was around 7.30 when I came downstairs. Dad was already in the kitchen
and I greeted him.

"Hi, Dad, good morning."

"Good morning, Nick, and how are you feeling. Better already?"

"Well, good enough to go to school today, Dad.  I was planning on skipping
practice.  I'm not fit enough for that just yet."

"Ok, that's fine by me, son, just have a good rest when you come home
today.
  I've got a meeting again so I won't be home before 7 or so."

"No problem, Dad, I'll make dinner, which can be warmed up later in the
oven for you."

David overheard those last words because, when he entered, he said: "That's
a good idea because I won't be home until 8 or so.  I have to work on a
project for science with some other students after practice today."

We went to school together, David and me, but we hardly spoke. David tried
but he already found out that I was not into it that morning. Somehow I
managed to close down any conversational gambit he started very quickly.

My mind kept on wondering how I was going to deal with seeing Mike. I just
couldn't cope with seeing or talking to him at all.

I stayed at the far end of the school assembly hall, on the other side from
where we normally would be. I didn't know any one who was standing around
waiting for the first period to start.

I waited as long as possible.  I wanted to be the last one to enter the
classroom so there was almost no chance that someone was going to start
asking me questions.

That went OK, and I survived the first period.  The second period I knew
was with Mike, so I tried again to enter the classroom as the last one.

It worked , but when I entered I saw Mike looking at me.  He was sitting
two tables to the left so every time I looked in that direction I saw that
he was looking at me.  He had a worried look on his face.  When the bell
sounded I ran out of the classroom very quickly and went to the toilet.

I walked into one of the stalls and sat down on the toilet. What the hell
was I doing here?  I had been to two classes now and the only thing that I
had done was try to ditch all question about what I had been wrong with me
while I was sick, and if I was better already, and things like that.

I didn't hear one bit of what the teachers had been talking about and at
the same time I knew that both the first- and second-period teachers had
looked in my direction several times, as if they knew I was not listening.

It would be hard going around like this all day or even for a week.  I just
couldn't think about that.  I stayed in the cubicle for a long time.  I
didn't hear the bell ring for the next period and suddenly it occurred to
me that the last time I heard the door was some time ago, so the next
period must have started already.  Shit, I missed a class.

There was no way I could go out there now.  If I did, I would have to
answer questions for sure.

Most of the hour I stayed in the toilet, so there was no chance that some
teacher or other students would see me.  I just walked out when the bell
rang for the last period before lunch.

Again I stayed out of trouble there since I knew almost none of the
students in that class.  But my mind was more concerned with the hour after
that.  Lunch break.  Where would I go then?  It was almost certain that
David would try to talk to me during lunch.

I walked into the canteen, one of the last.  I knew that David and his
friends were normally among the first to enter, so maybe they would already
be finished.  When I walked by the cashier, I heard my brother call.

"Nick, we're over here. Come on."

"OK, I'm coming David." I knew there was no way I could get away from them
without looking suspicious.

"Hey, how are you doing?  You're starting to look like shit again."

Well that was one way of cheering me up.  "Well, I'm hangin' in, David,
just getting tired already."

"Mike has been looking for you, you know.  I think he wants to ask you if
you want to do some training at his house, as long as you are not attending
practice this afternoon."

"Well, I'm not sure about that, but I'll try and find him in a moment."

"He's sitting just down there so why don't you tell him that?"

I slowly walked in Mike's direction.  I felt some stares on my back.
Besides David, Francis had been sitting at the table with him, and I knew
that both of them were looking at me while I was walking towards Mike.

"Hi, Mike." I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. "I heard that
you were looking for me."

"Yeah.  Sit down, Nick, we have to talk, you know."

"Well, hopefully I made it clear the other evening that I don't want to
talk to you about it.  Didn't you get that?"

"But you need to talk about it, Nick. You can't keep everything inside
you."

"If I do talk it, it certainly isn't going to be to you."

"OK, I'll drop it then, but you're still welcome to do some extra workouts
whenever you want at my place."

I had no answer for that.  I wasn't sure if I could ever visit that room
again without completely losing it.  It had been terrible and somehow I had
hope I could let it go by now, but every time I'd talk with Mike, I knew
those awful memories would come rushing back.

"Nick, are you OK?  I just want to help you.  And I still have to give the
doctors some answer to their request for more slave/master activity, but I
think I can hold them off for another week or so. You don't have to worry
about that yet."

"Mike, don't you get it?  I can't talk about it, so please leave me alone
for a while.  Don't try looking for me either."  I knew I couldn't say any
more and I just stood up and walked away.  I had to get out of the canteen
quickly.  I looked around to see where my brother and Francis were.  They
were still sitting at the same table.  David was talking to one of his
friends, but Francis was looking directly at me and had a strange look on
his face.  It seemed as if he had some idea what Mike and I had talked
about, but that was impossible.

I walked out of the canteen and straight to the nearest toilet.  I didn't
look back to see if Mike was following me, but I sure hoped he hadn't.
Again I sat down on the toilet and I felt the need to cry again.  How could
all of this have happened?  Just as I was getting some friends in this new
town and starting to enjoy the gymnastics, everything turned upside down.

If I were going back to practice later that week, I would see all those
training facilities.  I would have to think again about the room where Mike
had all his fitness apparatus.

Once again I missed a whole hour.  I found that out when, after a long
silence in the toilet area, boys started to come in again.  I missed a
class of English but that was not the worse I could do.  I knew I'd better
try to get to class next hour.  Francis and Mike were both in that class,
so I had better show up or someone would tell my Dad. That was one risk I
could never take.

I slowly stood up and walked out of the stall towards the mirror.  Nobody
was there at the moment, so I quickly looked into the mirror and saw that
my eyes were red again.  I must have been crying more than I thought.  I
put some water on my face trying to get rid of the tearstains.

I turned around just in time when I heard someone come into the toilet
area.
  I slowly started to walk out into the hallway.  I tried to look at the
ground as much as possible so not too many would notice my red eyes.

When I entered the classroom, I saw that both Mike and Francis were already
there.  They were both looking at me when I came in.  I saw worry on Mike's
face, but Francis had more of a concerned look.

I sat down, and before either of them could come my way, the teacher
entered so I survived that one.

Nothing happened during class. I managed somehow to stay out of the line of
questioning from the teacher, and I didn't have to talk of any other
student.

When the bell rang at the end of class, I started to get up out of my chair
but I dropped almost everything that was on my desk.  I had planned to try
to be one of the first out, but I knew that was out of the question now.  I
put everything in my bag and before I was finished I felt someone standing
beside me.  I looked up to see who it was.

"Nick, do you need any help?  I missed you during the last hour.  Where
were you?"

"Mike, as I told you before, stop worrying and leave me alone."

"But I can't, Nick!  Look at you!  Your face is totally lacking in colour
and your eyes are red as if you've been crying for a long time."

"One more time Mike: leave me alone."  I said that rather loudly and I was
startled to see there were still some students in the classroom, but most
of them were gone.

"Nick, please, come on, let me help you."

"Mike, for the last time, leave me alone!  I will be fine if you do that."
I started to walk out of the room rather quickly, not looking back at Mike.

I knew I could not keep this up any more.  When I walked outside, I saw
Francis standing at the other side of the hall looking in my direction.
"Oh no," I thought. "I can't talk to him just now, the way I look."  I
turned around and there was only one place to go: out of here, back home
where no one would ask questions.  That would mean that I was going to miss
another hour but I just hoped the teacher wouldn't notice that.

I quickly started to walk out of the hall.  I thought I heard someone call
my name but I didn't look around to see who it was.  I had only one thing
on my mind: to get out of there as soon as possible.

Somehow I found my way home.  Still, everything that had happened was a
kind of blur.  I went inside our house and walked straight to the bathroom.
I entered it and looked at myself in the mirror.  Could I take this much
longer?  Would the pain and the memory ever stop?  I had hoped it would get
better if I went to school, but it just didn't.  It had only been a
terrible day with Mike talking to me again and me not getting through to
him that he should leave me alone.

I'd better try to rest a little bit.  I had another three hours before
David and Dad would be home, so I could take a little nap.  It would
improve the way I looked.

I went to bed, but after a half hour, I knew I would need some help to get
to sleep.  I knew Dad had sleeping pills in his medicine cupboard.  I went
to his bathroom and opened the cabinet.  There they were.  I took the
bottle out and looked at it.  Would it stop the pain?  Was it worth it to
go on like this for a long time?  I looked at the bottle and slowly walked
back into my room.

I lay down on the bed, still with the bottle in my hand.  It was more than
half full, so hopefully there was enough to end it all.  If it would help
to get rid of the pain I felt, that would be good, but I knew it meant
saying goodbye to David and Dad and Francis.  I also would miss meeting
Alexei.  I just stared at the bottle and a lot of pros and cons ran through
my mind.

I don't know how long it took me to do it, but I put some pills in my hand.
I guess there were 15 of them.  I just looked at them.  Should I do it?
Should I end it and be finished with everything?  It was not the first time
since what had happened on Sunday that I had thought about it.  But
actually having the pills in my hand made the possibility of suicide very
real.

I just laid there.  I am not sure for how long, but the next thing I became
aware of was someone yelling at me. I looked up to see who it was and at
the same time I could hear what he was yelling.

"No, Nick, don't take them. Whatever is wrong, that is no solution."

I looked at the face of the person who had walked in and realized it was
Francis who stood there.

"No, Nick, stop.  Let's talk about it.  You can't do that."

I looked at my hand and suddenly realized that there was more than a single
sleeping pill in it.  There were at least 10 or 15.

"Here, give them to me, Nick.  Let's talk, but promise me you are never
going to think of doing such a thing again.  I would not be able to stand
it if you left.  I would miss you."

I looked from my hand to Francis who had walked towards the bed and stood
beside it.

"Give them to me, Nick."

I slowly brought my hand to his and let the pills fall onto his palm.
Still I hadn't said a thing to him, but he started to relax a little more
when all the pills on my hand were in his.

"Give me the bottle too, Nick."

I did as I was told and gave him the bottle also.

"Were you really considering doing what I think you were going to do, Nick?
Is it because of something I said last night?"

I still looked at him and I felt that I was coming to my senses little by
little.  Had I really considered doing that?  I could hardly believe I had.
The pain I had felt just before I took the bottle in my hand came back to
life and I started crying again.  All the fears and anger of trying to hide
what had happened to me was running over my cheeks and onto my bed.

"Cry if that helps, Nick, cry as much as you want."

I didn't look at him from the moment I started to cry, but I felt how he
was touching my back and started to comfort me by slowly stroking it.  I
slowly turned around and I put my face against his shoulder and he started
to comfort me.  I don't know how long I cried but it was the first time I
could cry without being ashamed or embarrassed.  I just let it out all.
All the pain I felt from what had happened Sunday had driven me nearly to
suicide, and it scared me a lot. I was not normally a person to give up.
Or was I?

Francis was still comforting me and saying lovely sweet words to me.  "It's
good to cry.  Let it out.  I am here to help you.  If you ever need some
one to talk to, I am here for you."

Slowly I started to calm down and my crying turned into small whimpers.  I
leaned back and looked into Francis's eyes.  I slowly leaned forward again,
not towards his shoulder but in the direction of his head.  Our lips slowly
touched and we started to kiss a little bit.  But then Francis pushed me
back.  The first thing that went through my mind was, "see, he doesn't want
me."  But when I looked into his eyes, I saw that was not the case.  There
was pain in his eyes, but also compassion, and something I had never seen
in someone when they were looking at me.  Could that be love?

"No, wait, Nick.  This is not a good thing to do now.  I am here for you
and if you cry, that's fine.  But let's not get caught up rushing from one
emotion to another.  Your already upset, so let's not make things more
complicated."

"OK, Francis."

I was still not ready to tell him any more, so I just sat there, staring
into those lovely eyes and that sympathetic face of his.

"Let's sit back on the bed, Nick."

He slowly pushed me back into the pillow and he sat down beside me on the
bed.

"Will you talk to me, Nick, or do you want me to get some one else?"

"No, Francis, please, no one else."

"OK, it is all up to you, Nick.  Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know.  I'm not sure what I was doing."

He looked at me and said: "Well, I am not sure if you want to hear it said
by someone else, but you were trying to kill yourself.  Or did I see it
wrong?"

"Well, I don't know.  I just wanted to take one pill to get some sleep.  I
… I don't know how the other pills got into my hand."  I said that with
a slightly trembling voice.

"Ok, I won't go into that, Nick, but if you're ready to tell me, I'm here."

I just sat down against my pillow again, not looking at him any more.
Could I tell him what had happened?  Would telling the whole story to
someone help me?  I just hadn't realized what I was doing was dangerous.

"I am not sure what there is to tell you, Francis.  There are some things I
can't talk about, and others I don't want talk about."

"Did it have something to do with the talk you had with Mike?  I saw that
you were ashen when you ran out of the canteen."

"I'm sorry, but I really can't talk about it, Francis."

"Well, I think you have to, Nick.  You can't just let this continue without
talking to someone.  Can't you talk to David about it?  You told me
yesterday that he's pretty open about things.  Or your Dad?  He isn't a
totally strict father; I think you talk a lot about stuff."

"No, I don't want to talk about it with Dad, or even David."

We sat there just being silent for a few minutes, or it could have been
more.  Time didn't mean anything just then.

"Ok, I didn't want to do this yet, Nick, but I am going to tell you
something about me."

"Francis, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to.  You
know that."

"I know, but under the circumstances, it might help you to know that I also
tried to kill myself."

I looked at him in surprise and asked: "You did?"

"Yea, I did, so I know how important it is to talk about it.  Even when you
didn't actually do it, but you were really thinking about it."

"That is true."

"So just let me talk and save your questions until later, because otherwise
I'm not sure if I can do this. Besides my parents, I haven't told or talked
to anyone about this."

"OK, but if you don't want to, don't do it."

"It all has to do with what I told you yesterday.  Two years ago, I fell in
love with a gymnast on the team who was two years older than me.  His name
was Brian.  It was great!  We hit it off really well.  We could talk about
anything.  We became friends at first, but quickly we both felt there was
more than that.  We started to hang out almost constantly.  We exercised
together and it's because of him that I became a gymnast.  After a few
months together, he stayed over at my house one night.  Late that evening,
after a few drinks, we started to kiss each other.  It just happened and it
felt like everything fell into place.  We fell in love.  We didn't do
anything else other than feel each other.  Rubbing shoulders, backs, that
sort of thing, and we kissed a lot.  We tried to be as careful as possible
because I didn't want other classmates or my parents to know what was going
on.  But it became more and more difficult to pretend we were only friends
when others were around.  After a little more then a half-year, my mother
caught us while we were kissing in the back of the garden of our house.  I
didn't know she was already back from shopping.  That was the beginning of
the end."

Francis stopped for a while. He looked straight ahead and I saw that there
was a tear starting to run down his cheek.  I just waited for him to
continue.

He took a deep breath and continued: "My parents were furious about it.  We
tried to talk about it, but that didn't work.  They just didn't want to
listen to me.
  They were very mad at Brian.  They thought it was his fault because he
was two years older than I was.  For almost a week, I didn't talk to them.
I stayed in my room as much as possible.  I saw Brian each day at school
and we talked about what happened, but when my dad found out that that was
going on, he forbade me from going to school the next day.  The first day I
stayed home, I was completely lost but I managed to get through it.  That
evening dad told me that he was trying to get me into another school in the
city.  That night my life fell apart altogether, and when I was alone the
next day, I just couldn't go through with life if this was what it was
going to be like."

He had started to cry a little more and his voice was shaking a lot.
"Francis, you don't have to continue if this is causing too much pain."

He looked at me and smiled.

"I think, Nick, that it's helpful for me to tell you.  As I said before,
it's a good thing to talk about it instead of keeping it to yourself.  My
mom got me just in time after I had taken the pills and fell unconscious.
I was taken to the hospital and everything worked out OK.  I started to
have sessions with a shrink every day and after a week we had our first
session together with my mom and dad.  They still wouldn't hear of me
having an affair with Brian but they insisted that I have more sessions
with the shrink.  I think they hoped that I was going to talk about it and
become a heterosexual.  I knew from the beginning that that was not
possible but I didn't have the energy to fight them. At the end, just
before I left the hospital a month later, we agreed in a session with the
shrink that I was best helped in another environment. So that is why we
moved to this town.  Mom and dad still thought that, because of me changing
to another city, I could change the way I felt about other boys and men."

He was crying now and I took him in my arms.  It seemed my turn to comfort
him.  During his story, I had started to cry again, so we both held each
other sobbing.  After a few minutes we started to calm down again and we
sat back against my pillow.  We looked at each other and I asked him: "May
I ask you something Francis?"

"Yea, that's OK."

"Do you still see a shrink?"

"No, not any more.  I had my last session just before I left the other
city.
  But he was a really strange shrink because he listened more to my parents
then to me."

"But did he help you?"

"Yes, he did.  Somehow he made me get past my attempted suicide.  I
accepted it and I learned that suicide was not a way out.  I got stronger
with each session.
  Even though he didn't help me directly, our sessions cleared my mind.
Can you understand that?"

"I guess, but your parents still think the same as they did before?"

"Yes, and it is getting more and more difficult.  I just don't want to
argue with them about it, because I know exactly where we will end up.  I'm
not yet ready to go on into the world alone."

"You will never be alone, Francis, you'll always have me," I said with a
smile.  I just wanted to let him know that I was going to be there for him
whatever he wanted to do."

"Well, that is one of the problems, Nick.  When I saw you, I felt the same
feelings I had for Brian returning.  I just didn't want that to happen, but
at the same time I couldn't ignore them.  So I was a little bit shocked
when I kissed you the first time.  I didn't know what to do.  I asked
myself if I could get involved with you and deal with it openly so my
parents would find out.  If there is one thing I don't want, it's to have
to hide those feelings or be sneaky about it.  I had done that with Brian
and I can't do it any more.  So that is why I didn't want to talk with you
after what happened.  At first I thought `oh, no, not again'.  I didn't
think I wanted this to happen again so soon.  But I have learned that when
you fall for someone, you can't help it.
  Do you understand that?"

"Yes, I do."  His tears had started to dry up and I just swept my hand
slowly over his cheeks.

We just looked at each other for a while, without any words.

"So Nick, that is why I learned that it is important to talk about these
things.  If you don't do that, you get in trouble.  So I am not going to
push you, just know that if you want anything, I am here for you."

"I know, Francis."  I was thrown back to my own problems again and I knew
that Francis was right.  But where to start?  What to tell?  Knowing that
he was right was still quite different from confessing to him what had
happened to trigger my crisis.

"May I ask you something else, Francis?  Did you really mean it when you
said you had feelings for me?"

"Yes, I do, Nick, that was the reason I behaved the way I did.

"Would you want us to start something or…."

"Well, you put it very bluntly, Nick.  The only thing I can say at the
moment is, yes, I want to keep seeing you.  I want to get to know you
better and see where it leads."

"OK, that is fine by me, Francis.  I just know one thing now and that is
that I want you to hold me and if you don't mind, I want to kiss you."

Without any hesitation, Francis brought his face towards me and again our
lips touched each other.  I felt all kind of feelings going through me.  It
was as if my body came to life.  We started to explore the possibilities of
the kiss a little more and slowly we shared more and more of the contents
of our mouths.  I just didn't know what happened but I knew I had to stop
to get some breath.  Instead of going back to our places, I moved my arms
around him and started to hug him.  I felt his warm body against mine.  It
gave me a safe feeling.  It also made me lose myself again in all the
emotions of the past several days, and I started to cry again.

Francis just comforted me and didn't say anything.  When I finally stopped
crying, he looked into my eyes.

"Why did you cry, Nick?"

"Well, all the different emotions from despair to happiness came back again
and I just felt very happy when we hugged each other."

"That's OK, Nick, we need to be open to each other if we want this to work.
I guess I answered your question, Nick; I want to hold you and kiss you
too.  But I need you to understand that if we go on and if it starts
getting serious, I want our relationship to be public.  I won't try to hide
it from anyone, not even my parents.  Their reaction is up to them and I'll
do whatever I have to do then."

"I don't think I have a problem with that, Francis.  I couldn't lie to
David or dad about such a thing.  I think that David would feel it or see
it any way.  He always could read me like an open book."

He slowly started to touch my hair with his right hand.  He ran his fingers
through it and, when he reached the back of my head, he slowly pulled my
face towards him.  Just before our lips touched, he whispered, "I love your
hair.  It is so soft, so lovely."

I got no chance to answer because our lips were once again clinched
together.  We hugged, kissed and touched each other for a while.  Then we
slowly let each other go and sat back against the pillows once again.  We
didn't say anything for a while.  I guess we both were just getting in
touch with what we felt.

"I don't want to push you, Nick, but I know that a lot of things must be
happening in your head, so whenever you think you need to talk about
anything, call me and I will be here for you."

"I know, Francis.  I will …."  My voice started to tremble a little.
There was a part of me that wanted to talk about it, but I wasn't sure how
much to tell.

"I just can't talk fully about it yet, but what I would like to say is that
I had a really bad experience this weekend and I am having a hard time
dealing with it."

"Don't worry about it too much, Nick.  Whatever happened to you is not your
fault.  But maybe we should talk about something else.  I guess you want to
be back at practice by Friday when Alexei Nemov will be there.  What do you
think of him?"

I smiled at him and said, "I am very happy that he is coming.  I have
always had some kind of childish crush on him.  I have a lot of pics of him
on my computer.  Do you want to see them?"

"Yes, that would be great!  He is very good looking, but I heard something
about him getting married soon."

I started up the computer and during the next 15 minutes or so we just
looked around the net finding information about him and chatting a little
bit about him.

"I am very eager to learn from him.  It will certainly raise my level of
expertise," Francis said at one point.

"Yea, I know.  I hope he has some time to spend with me too, despite the
fact I am only the reserve and I am still only doing some start-up
exercises."

It had been a while and I started to think again about kissing him.  So I
decided to take the lead and I brought my head towards him.  He immediately
knew what I wanted to do and we started to kiss each other. This time we
kept on doing it for a while.  I felt turned around.  Instead of being
completely down, I was in heaven now.

Suddenly the door of my bedroom was opened and we both started and looked a
little embarrassed to see David at the door.

"Oh, sorry to disturb you two, Nick.  I am sorry, Francis.  I just wanted
to see how Nick was doing after he got home this afternoon."

"Ah …."  I tried to say something intelligent, but I could think of
anything to say.

"Ah, what?" David continued for me. "If you want to say something about
what I saw, I just want you to know that I am not surprised by it.  I
expected something like that to happen ever since I first saw you checking
each other out."

"So you are not angry or anything, David?"  I asked.

"No, you are and will be still the same Nick you were before.  As I said
yesterday, I will always be there for you, just as I know you will be there
for me".

"Well, then, I just want to let you know that I like Francis a lot."  And
while I said that, I took the opportunity to bring my face again towards
Francis's and started to kiss him.

"Sorry, guys, but can you do that in private for a while?  I just wanted to
see if you were all right."

I looked at Francis, hoping he would answer that question because I didn't
know what to say about it.

"David, I think that Nick will be fine.  We've talked about it all and I
guess we'll both be OK now."

"I'm glad, Francis, because I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with
you, too, after what happened during the last few days.  I guess I better
leave you two alone then.  I will be going in a minute or so and dad won't
be home for another hour or more.  I will be with Gladia and Lucia to work
on my project, so if you want anything, you know where to reach me."

"OK.  Thanks, David.  I'll talk to you when you get back, OK?"

"Yea, that's fine by me, Nick."  David walked out of the room and we looked
at each other.

"Well, that went well."

"I guess so, but won't he tell your dad or anyone else, Nick?"

"No, I don't think so."

"I just want to make sure about that.  I want to be sure that if my dad and
mom find out, it's from me and not through rumours or someone else.  I'll
be right back."

Francis walked out of the room and I just walked back to the bed.

In the meantime, Francis found David.

"David, I just wanted to have a quick word with you before you left.  I
won't be around when you come back, because I have to do some homework
tonight.  I just wanted to talk to you about Nick."

"So, is he fine now or isn't he?"

"Well, I am not sure.  He wasn't sick because of what happened between us.
There is something else.  He didn't tell me yet but I know that it would be
good if you could keep an eye on him."

"Oh.  Are you sure that's necessary?  He looked very happy when I was just
there."

"I know.  But there is more to it and he was very down when I came by and I
don't think that can be turned around just because we talked about our own
feelings for each other."

"You said you don't know what's wrong with him.  If there is something I
can do to help him, just tell me what you know, Francis.  I meant what I
said before.  I want to be there for him."

"Well, if there is anything to tell you, I'll make sure I do that.  But for
the time being, I have nothing yet.  And I'm not sure you should try to
talk with him.  Maybe he will talk with you about it.

"I'll see what I can do tonight when I come back."

"Thanks, David.  He looked really terrible when I arrived today and I just
don't want him to feel that way.  I'd better be getting back to him.  I'll
stay until your dad gets home so he won't be alone in the house."

"See you tomorrow then, Francis."

"OK, thanks, David."

Francis walked back to Nick's room.

"Ah, there you are, Francis, and did you find David?"

"Yes, I did and he promised me that he wouldn't tell any one."

"Hmmm, I thought so.  Come here, I've already started to miss you," I said.

Francis walked towards the bed and he lay down beside me.  I shifted myself
a little bit so that I could rest my head on his chest.  While I did that,
Francis put his arms around me and started to rub my chest.  I looked at
him and he brought his head towards me and we kissed for a while.

We just lay on the bed for a while with my head on his chest, sometimes
looking at each, at other times just enjoying each other's company.  It
really felt good and I almost dozed off.

Francis kissed me on the lips again and when he finished he whispered, "I
believe I heard your dad come into the house.  We'd better get out of the
bed."

"I guess you're right."  But I didn't make any move to get off him.  I felt
safe lying on his chest, enjoying his smell.

"Come on, Nick. I don't want to tell your dad anything yet and he'll be in
here soon.

I smiled at him and I slowly got up and eased myself out of the bed towards
the chair that was behind my computer.  Francis straightened his clothes
and then sat down on the other chair in front my computer.  He was right
because only a minute or so later my dad opened the door.

"Hi, Nick, how are you feeling?" he started to say as he entered the door
but he continued when he saw that Francis was there.  "Hey, Francis, you're
here.  I missed you at practice."

"I know, coach, but I saw that Nick had gone home early right before
practice started and I just wanted to know if he was all right.  He looked
pretty tired when he left."

"Mmm.  Well, I'm glad you did and you kept him company.  You can have an
extra- long session tomorrow if you want to catch up."

"OK, sir."

"And Nick, how are you feeling?  I heard you skipped one class today and
that you went home early, so I started to worry a bit.  Why didn't you come
by to tell me?  I want to know when you don't feel well.  I heard it just
before I left today."

"I'm sorry, dad, but I just felt a little more tired than I thought I
would.
  So I had to get back home halfway through the day."

"Well, I want you to stay home tomorrow again and I'll try to get a doctor
to visit you tomorrow."

"No, Dad, I think I'll be all right tomorrow after I have a good night's
sleep tonight."

"Didn't you think the same thing about today also?  I want to be sure that
there is nothing wrong with you.  Will you stay for dinner, Francis?  I
have to start making it anyway."

"No, thank you, sir, I have to go home.  I have to do some homework for
tomorrow."

"OK, and you Nick?  Are you hungry?"

"Yes, Dad, now that you mention it, I really want to eat something."

"OK.  I'll start in a few minutes and see you in a half hour."

"OK, dad."  He walked out of my room and I looked at Francis with a little
fear.

"Francis, can you talk to my dad?  I definitely do not want to see a doctor
and I want to go to school tomorrow."

"Do you think it would help if I talk to him?  Are you sure you want to go
to school tomorrow?"

"Yes, I certainly do, and I really want to go to school again.  I want to
see you, so that will get me through the day."

"OK, I have to go in a few minutes but I'll try to talk to your dad and see
what I can do.  But before I leave, I want to have something to remember
tonight and get me through until tomorrow."

When he finished that sentence he started gently to kiss me again.  First
just our lips touched and we slowly began to suck on each other.  Then he
opened his mouth a little and I felt how his tongue touched my lips and
softly pushed them apart.  I opened my mouth and an electric feeling went
through me when our tongues touched.  The emotions were overwhelming.  It
was the best kiss we'd shared until then.  We had to stop because we both
needed to breathe a little.

"Hmm, that will get me through this evening at least."

"Yes, I guess it will."

Francis slowly turned away from me.  "I will talk to your dad.  But you
have to promise me that you are going to be OK and go downstairs in a
minute instead of sitting here all alone."

"OK, I will do that, Francis, but only if I get one more kiss from you."

"Hmmm, blackmail but one I like."  He slowly walked back to me and kissed
me again.

Then, without saying anything, he left my room and walked downstairs.  I
waited until I heard the front door open and close again.  I think that
Francis had talked with my dad for a minute or two.  I slowly got up and
walked towards the bathroom.  I wanted to wash my face and then go
downstairs.

My dad was still working in the kitchen, so I just sat down in the living
room and put on the TV.

We had dinner together, talking a lot about the visit of Alexei, but he
didn't say anything more about a doctor.  I became very curious about what
Francis had told him.

I went to bed early.  I wanted to rest and be ready to go to school
tommorrow.