Date: Fri, 13 Feb 2004 22:45:39 -0500
From: Krys T <liljademoon@msn.com>
Subject: Dealing With It 10

Don't read if you're not suppose too, and thanks to everyone
who has written to me.


10

Zane

I spent the next week trying to figure out how to fix what I
had done.  There didn't seem to be anything I could do or
say to take back my actions and I wasn't sure he'd listen
even if I tried.  Each day in class, I would look toward him
and watch him look away as if I had slapped him.  It became
routine for the week and I felt ashamed each time it
happened.  Desperate I approached Jeff, hoping that he could
give me a clue.
"Talk to him," he told me.
"I can't!" I cried.  "I don't know what to say, what to do!"
"Talk to him," he repeated.  "Just tell him why you ran."
Tell Cae why I ran. I didn't think I could do that.  Telling
Ci, Anthony and Jeff was one thing, telling the object of my
desire was something very different.  Still, Jeff's words
stayed with me for the next couple of days and by the
weekend, I had decided what to do.  I needed help though, so
I went to the logical source.
"Why should I help you?" Ci asked when I approached her
Friday morning.
"Cuz I'm trying to make things right.  I know I screwed up,
Ci.  I didn't mean too, but I did and now I have to fix it
but I need your help," I told her.
"You made him cry, did you know that?  Anthony found him
just sitting there crying," I could hear the anger in her
voice.  "My brother doesn't cry, Zane.  He doesn't just
break down."
I sank down on the bench beside her my shoulders slumped in
defeat.  This wasn't going to work, Ci was too angry to help
me and I doubted that Cae would even listen to what I had to
say.  Everything was falling in shambles around me and as
hard as I tried, I couldn't seem to pick up the pieces fast
enough.
"Are you serious about this?" Ci asked, staring at me
intently.
"I know I hurt him.  I want to fix it, shit I need to fix it
but I need help," I admitted.
I heard her sigh.  "What do you need?"
"Cae, alone for a while so I can talk to him.  Somewhere
that he won't run," I stated.
There was silence for a moment as she thought about my
request.  I could almost hear the gears in her head turning.
I still wasn't sure if she was actually going to help me or
not.  During the past week, she had barely spoken to me and
I was sure she was close to hating me.
"Tomorrow is Saturday and I have a date with Anthony.  We'll
be gone until midnight.  Cae finishes work at nine so he'll
be home at nine thirty.  That'll give you two and a half
hours to fix this," she finally said.  "If it isn't resolved
by the time we get there, then it won't be."
"Thank you," I whispered.
"Just fix it."
It seemed to take forever for nine thirty to roll around
Saturday night.  I waited by the clock, watching the minutes
tick by slowly.  Anxiety seemed to wind my body tighter and
tighter and when nine twenty five hit I was out the door and
on my way.  I walked slowly, trying to perfect what I was
going to say to Cae when I got there.  All too soon, the
familiar front door loomed in front of me and I mounted the
stairs on shaking legs.  I rang the doorbell and waited.
Cae answered the door, still in his uniform of white dress
shirt and black pants.  His long, dark hair still in a thick
braid with strands coming loose and fallen into his eyes.
He looked beautiful and I so wanted to touch him, but the
carefully blank look on his face made me keep my hands to
myself.
"Ci's not home," he stated as he began to close the door.
"I'm here to talk to you, Cae," I told him before he could
close it completely.
He opened the door up enough for me to squeeze through.
Once I was inside, he shut it and turned to face me, his
arms crossed over his chest.  He obviously wanted me to
speak my piece and then get out.
"Can we go downstairs?" I asked, not wanting to do this in
the foyer.  Cae stared at me for a moment before turning and
heading toward the basement.  I followed him, hoping I was
doing the right thing.  Once we were downstairs, Cae sat on
his couch and waited for me to sit and start talking.
"I don't know if I can do this," I whispered to myself as I
sank down on the couch.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw
Cae flinch and realized he had heard me.


Caelum

When Zane showed up at the door, my first though was to slam
it in his face.  However, he said he wanted to talk to me,
and courtesy dictates that I at least listen to him before
telling him the fuck off.  I stood there and waited for him
to speak but instead he asked to go downstairs.  Again,
courtesy raised its ugly head, I was forced by manners to
take him down to the room Ci and I share.
"I don't know if I can do this," I heard him whisper.  The
words sliced into me and I concluded that he was here
because Ci made him come and talk to me.
"You don't have to do this if Ci put you up to it," I said,
trying to give him a way out.
"She didn't," he laughed bitterly.  "In fact I had to argue
with her just to get a chance to come talk to you."
"Then why did you come?  You didn't have too," I was
beginning to get confused.
"Yes I did.  See, last week a friend of mine told me
something, something he thought I knew but didn't.  And I
did the unthinkable and ran."
"It was und-" I started.
"No it wasn't and let me finish, please," he said, cutting
me off.  "I ran, but no quite for the reason my friend
thinks.  I was afraid and. . . ." he trailed off.
"Zane?"
He looked at me out of those amazing green eyes, eyes that
were shimmering with unshed tears.  "I fucked up, Cae.  I'm
trying to make things right, but I don't know what to say.
Nothing seems right, nothing seems to fit."
"Say what you think is right," I told him.
He just stared at me a moment before he stood up.  I had
been surprised he had stayed seated that long.  A nervous
Zane is a moving Zane.  He crossed the small space between
the couches and stood in front of me.
"Words won't work," he murmured after a moment.  Before I
could consider those words, he leaned down and pressed his
lips against mine and the world halted for a moment.

Zane

I don't know what possessed me, but the second the thought
to kiss Cae occurred to me, I was on my feet.  I stared down
at him for a moment before leaning in and kissing him
softly.  The kiss was brief, but sweet.  I pulled back, my
pulse racing and moved quickly back to the other couch.  We
sat in silence for a few minutes and I wished I had the
courage to look up from my spot on the floor to see Cae's
face.  He called my name softly, but I didn't look up, too
afraid to see what was on his face.  He waited a moment
before coming over to my couch and sitting beside me.  I
heard my name whispered again, but I shook my head.  Cool
fingers lifted my chin, forcing me to meet silver eyes.  Cae
peered into my eyes for a moment, searching for something
before moving closer.  I held my breath as he moved in, his
face so close to mine.  Once, twice, a soft brush of his
lips over mine, almost as if asking permission.  When I
didn't move away, he deepened the kiss, his lips firm and
soft on mine.  I moaned and he deepened the kiss again, his
tongue sliding across the seam of my lips.  I opened my
mouth; let him inside where I wanted him.  Time seemed to
flow different and I lost track of the amount we spent
locked together.  Finally, Cae broke away and buried his
face in my hair.  Our breath came in ragged pants and
reality filtered back in slowly.  I became aware that we
were now lying on the couch, Cae partially on top of me.
"I think we need to talk," Cae said after our breathing had
returned to normal.  I laughed lightly.  "I'm serious."
"I know," I replied.
"Are you staying the night?" he asked, propping himself up
on his arms.
I felt a moment of fear as I wondered what he thought would
happen if I stayed.  As much as I wanted him, I didn't think
I was ready to go that far.  My fear must have shown on my
face because he stroked the side of my face lightly.
"Nothing will happen that you don't want to happen," he said
quietly, staring down at me intently, his silver eyes
serious and I knew he was telling me the truth.
"I'll stay then," I answered, "if you want me too."  A
bright smile lit up his face and he leaned back down to kiss
me softly.
"Good.  First thing though, I need a shower," he said,
getting to his feet.  He disappeared into the bedroom and
came back out with the clothes I normal slept in when I was
here and some for him.  "We'll talk some more when I get out
of the shower, okay?"
I nodded and watched him walk into the bathroom.  When the
door closed I sat there for a few minutes, shock still
coursing through my system.  This was not the outcome I had
in mind, but I wasn't going to complain about it.  I
changed, folded my clothes up and waited for Cae to finish
his shower.
Ten minutes lapsed before Cae came out of the bathroom, his
hair loose and damp framing him.  I had never seen his hair
down before, and the sight was more beautiful than I though
was possible.  He smiled as he walked over to me and I felt
my heart flip in my chest.
"Do you want to talk now, or watch a movie and talk in the
morning?" he asked as he sat back down beside me.
"Movie," I replied.  Cae laughed and we started discussing
what to watch.  After we agreed on a movie and set it up to
start, Cae began brushing his hair.  I watched, fascinated
for a moment before stopping him.
"Let me," I whispered as he looked at me curiously.
Realizing what I wanted, he hand the brush to me and turned
so I could pull it through the dark thickness of his hair.
I brushed his hair for a few minutes, making sure all the
tangles were out before he asked me if I knew how to braid
hair.  I did, I had done my sister's hair since I was older
enough too and I quickly braided Cae's hair into its normal
thick braid.
"Thank you," he said, turning to look at me.
"My pleasure," I told him, leaning in to brush my lips over
his softly.  "Let's start the movie."
Cae grabbed the remote and my hand and stood up.  He headed
over to his couch, which had a better view of the TV
bringing me along with him.  Sitting down with his back
against the arm, he pulled me down to sit between his legs,
my back against his chest.  I settled against him, once
again surprised at how right it felt to be in his arms and
pressed to his body.  The movie played, but I didn't watch
it, I dozed instead, listening to Cae's heartbeat and the
rhythm of his breathing.  When the movie ended, it was
almost midnight and he led me to the bedroom before shutting
off most of the lights in the living room.  I was surprised
he remembered my fear of the dark, and touched that he cared
enough to make sure I was okay first.  I climbed into the
bed, my heart racing a little.  I know he said nothing would
happen that I didn't want, but it was the things that I
wanted that made me flush and made my breath coming in short
pants.  I forced myself to relax knowing that I could trust
Cae.  Moments later Cae came in, shutting the door behind
him.
"I think I like you there," he laughed, and I felt my face
heat up.  He shut off the lamp beside the bed and climbed in
behind me.  I felt him move around a bit before he reached
out and pulled me against his body.  "Go to sleep," he
murmured against my ear.  Snuggling into his arms, I let the
tension in my body slip away and let my mind drift off into
sleep.  I was content.