Date: Sun, 11 Jan 2004 13:04:16 -0500
From: Krys T <liljademoon@msn.com>
Subject: Dealing With it 7

First off, apologies for taking so long to post these next
two chapters.  Truthfully, they've been written for a while,
but my editor had a few minor crises and I had to wait for
them, so you did as well.  I want to thank everyone who had
written and say I'm sorry for not replying, but my computer
was acting up and wouldn't let me send email.
If you want to resend, go right ahead, I love the feed back.


Normal legal B.S., don't read if you're not suppose to, or
don't get caught.



7

Zane

I awoke confused but comfortable the next morning. I had no
clue where I was, but the strong arms wrapped around me
proclaimed without a doubt that I wasn't alone. Slowly, the
events of the night before began to trickle back into my
sleep-starved brain, and I realized that I was in Cae's bed
and those were his arms wrapped tightly around me. Not that
I was complaining, but I felt odd. Last time I had, sometime
in the night, moved closer to Ci, and we just naturally
cuddled together. This was different. Cae definitely felt
different than Ci, and the hard warmth of his body was a
comfort next to me, but I had a feeling he'd be freaked if
he woke up with me in his arms. I tried to move away from
him, but he just tightened his grip and mumbled something
against the back of my neck. I shivered softly from the
sensation and resisted the urge to press back against his
body. After a few minutes I began to relax again and I
slipped back into sleep.

The next time I woke up, I was alone in the bed, the covers
tucked carefully in around me. The lamp on the nightstand
next to me was on, giving the room some soft illumination.
Ci and Anthony were still asleep in the other bed, Anthony
snoring softly, and Ci spread across his chest. The two
looked right lying there together. Ci had confided in me
that she had had a crush on Anthony for years, but he always
looked at her like a sister. Personally I didn't believe
that. I had seen the way Anthony watched her. Even asleep,
he held her as if he would never let her go. Smiling, I
watched them until my bladder let me know that it wanted
relief. I pushed back the covers and stood, pausing to shut
off the light, and then headed toward the bathroom. When I
reached the living room, I noticed Cae sprawled out on the
couch watching cartoons.

"Morning," he grunted, not looking up.

"Uhg," I replied, continuing on to the bathroom. With my
personal business attended to, I went back to where Cae was
and flopped down on the other couch.

"Sleep well?" he asked me, still staring at the TV.

Oh yeah, I though to myself. "Pretty good. Was really
tired."

"Me too," he replied. "What were you going to tell me last
night, before Ci and A came back?"

I looked at him from the corner of my eye, debating whether
or not I should tell him. Everything I knew or had heard
about him told me that he was a good guy, and it wouldn't
matter. Shit, he had to know about Rick and Jeff, and he was
still friends with them. But neither of them had spent the
night in his bed with him. That put a different twist on
things. So I chose the safe road and kept my feelings to
myself.
"Don't remember."
"Oh, okay then. If you do I'll listen," he told me softly,
almost too soft to hear. I grunted my assent and went back
to watching cartoons.

Caelum

As always, morning came too soon for my liking. As my mind
slowly became more alive, I became aware of a warm body in
my arms. Over the years, Ci had climbed into my bed on
numerous occasions, but this wasn't the small, soft body of
my sister. This body was lean, warm, and hard and seemed to
fit perfectly in my arms. My face was buried in a mass of
hair that tickled, and my lips were touching the back of a
smooth, soft neck. I pulled back slowly, unwrapping my arms
from around Zane. After turning on the light, I surveyed the
sight that had been lying in my arms. He was turned on his
side; facing the other bed, his face relaxed in slumber. The
shirt he was wearing had risen up, exposing the creamy skin
of his stomach. I probably would have lay there forever,
watching him, if he hadn't made a small movement in his
sleep that jolted me back to reality. Sighing, I forced
myself out of the bed and into the living room, away from
the temptation still asleep on my bed. On my way, I noticed
Anthony and Ci, curled up together, arms and legs entangled.
Both had a thing for each other, but neither would admit it.

I lay on my couch, watching cartoons for around an hour
before I heard someone stirring in the bedroom. I turned and
looked over my shoulder to see Zane push back the covers and
climb off the bed. Startled, I turned back to the TV,
keeping my eyes planted firmly there as he walked into the
living room.

"Morning," I said, stilling staring desperately at the
screen.

"Uhg," he answered. I stifled a laugh as he went into the
bathroom. Obviously wasn't a morning person either.

"Sleep well?" I heard myself asking him. I wanted to see if
he knew I had held him while we slept; to see if he would
say anything.

"Pretty good. Was really tired." I couldn't tell if he was
hiding something or not so I decided to change the subject.

"Me too," I told him. "What were you going to tell me last
night, before Ci and A came back?"

There was silence for a few moments, and I could feel his
eyes on me. I wondered what he was thinking.

"Don't remember," he told me.

"Oh, okay then. If you do, I'll listen," I said softly,
turning to look at him. Zane only grunted and kept watching
cartoons.

Zane

The night I spent in Cae's bed was pushed to the back of my
mind as the day of the first swim meet approached. I found
myself too stressed over being a starting swimmer to even
think about the way I had felt that night. Everyone kept
telling me that I had nothing to worry about, but I still
couldn't relax. The day of the meet, dawn came completely
opposite of my mood. The sun was shining brightly, and there
were no clouds in the sky. Morning practice had gone by
smoothly with Medun and Henderson giving us the "do your
best" speech before sending us off to class.

"You'll do great," Ci whispered to me as she paused by my
locker. Her curly hair was pulled back from her face, making
her grey eyes look larger than normal. "Anthony says you're
one of the best swimmers on the team. And he should know,
considering he's the captain."

"I know. I'm just scared. I didn't think I'd make starting
line. I'm the new guy, and it's not supposed to work that
way." She only laughed and threaded her arm through mine as
I walked her to class.

The end of the school day came too quickly for my taste, and
I found myself in the locker room getting ready before I
knew it. I was surprised to find the room somewhat silent.
Some part of me thought that the team would be rambunctious
and rowdy, trying to cheer each other on. Instead, everyone
was subdued and quiet, immersed in their own personal
thoughts, fighting with their own fears of what was to come.
We all changed quickly and made our way to the pool for warm-
ups. I could see the stands filling with spectators, and a
shudder of fear swept through me as I remembered that a lot
of people would be watching this meet. I had asked Ci to be
there, and I could see her sitting high in the stands waving
at me. I waved back. A few days before, I had even worked up
the courage to ask Cae to be there. I had been nervous, my
stomach knotted by the future meet and by the prospect of
having Cae there. I had been surprised when he said yes.
More than surprised. Now I stood scanning the crowd for any
sign of him, but I couldn't see him. He probably wasn't
coming.

We were going against our rival school, and every year it
was a toss up for which one would win the championship. Of
course, we were rooting that it would be us this year, but I
was sure that the other team was thinking the same thing.

The categories were called as well as who would be competing
in them. I started when my name was called for the free
style, I hadn't been prepared to hear it over the speakers,
and the sound of it brought reality crashing down on me.
There was no way I was good enough to win, no matter what
Anthony and Ci thought. I hadn't swum competitively for
years, and I didn't think I was ready to start it back up
now. But I had no choice, I was here, and there was no way
to back out now. My race was third, and the first was
getting ready to start.
The other team took the butterfly, and I could hear the soft
groans from my team-mates as Jamie, our swimmer, dragged
himself out of the water to sit dejectedly on the bench.
Anthony handed him a towel and sat beside him, speaking soft
words of comfort. My attention was captured by the call for
all backstroke swimmers to enter the pool. I watched as Rich
lowered himself into the water. He dunked his goggles and
then himself. I stared in amazement at the sight before me.
I was always so desperate not to look at the others while we
were changing lest I give away my secret. Now, staring at
the rivulets of water sliding down the muscles of Rich's
chest, I wish I had looked, because a Speedo doesn't hide
anything. When his race began, I looked away, hoping my
erection would subside some before I was called up.
Thankfully, it did, and when the free style was called I was
able to stand without embarrassment.

I stepped up on the diving block, goggles snug and ears
straining for the first shrill sound of the whistle. A
sudden urge made me look up, and I could see Cae sitting in
the stands staring at me with those intense eyes. A shiver
racked my body as that gaze seemed to sweep over me, but I
passed the look off as my imagination. When the whistle
sounded, I arched my body through the air and sliced into
the water cleanly. As soon as the water closed over my head
I became lost in the world of water, a place where only I
exist in the weightless environment that cradles and
smothers. But breathing was the farthest thing from my mind.
All I knew, all that mattered, was me and the water, was the
way my body slid through, the way it caressed. When I
reached the far wall, I flipped and pushed off, heading back
the way I had come. I heard nothing when I surfaced for the
occasional gasp of air. I saw nothing but the water and the
far end. I knew nothing. My hand hit the wall with an
audible smack, and I broke the surface gasping. And there
was silence. I didn't understand it at first, not until I
turned and looked to see I had beaten everyone else by a
fair distance. The silence was broken by a loud cheer and
the sudden sound of dozens of hands clapping. I hauled
myself out of the pool and made my way, on shaky legs, to
where my team-mates sat, identical stunned expressions on
their faces. Ci was grinning widely up in the stands,
screaming at the top of her lungs, and Cae was staring at me
still, but now his look was assessing, questioning.

The rest of the meet went by quickly and smoothly, the rest
of the team energized by my performance. Where they had been
quiet before, they were now loud and happy, it was as if
someone had cranked the volume up on a stereo. Everyone was
laughing and congratulating each other, or giving tips on
where there could be improvement. And everyone one was
congratulating me. It felt strange, but it let me know that
I was a welcome addition to the team.

Caelum

Somehow, I managed to patch things up between Ci and myself.
It took a lot of pleading, begging, and even tears, but
eventually she forgave me after telling me exactly what she
thought of my behaviour. I was so beyond happy that Zane's
constant presence at our house no longer bothered me. Or at
least it didn't bother me as much. It actually became a
comfort, albeit a painful one, to see him everyday in my
room, stretched out on Ci's bed. I had decided that if I
couldn't have him I could at least have him near. As the
date of the first swim meet approached I noticed a new
tension in him.

"Will you sit down?!" I finally snapped as his pacing began
to grate on my nerves. He had been moving back and forth
across the room for half an hour, and it was beginning to
get to me.

"Sorry, can't help it," Zane apologized as he flopped down
on the couch. There was a moment of stillness before his
hand began to twitch, and he shot to his feet again. I
sighed and tried to focus on the screen, but the sound of
Zane's motions was just too distracting.

"Zane!" I finally shouted. He stopped and stared at me, his
green eyes full of shock. "Sit! Down! NOW!"

He sank slowly down this time, his body easing down on the
cushions. The tension in his body seemed to radiate out into
the room, and I could feel the waves of it from where I sat.
I knew something more than the swim meet was bothering him,
but I doubted he would share whatever was wrong with me. As
often as he was over, he always seemed to avoid me, not as
if he was repulsed by me, but rather as if he was afraid.
Since I had met him, Zane had spoken few words to me. As
much as his distance bothered me, I let it be, content to
just have him near. This time though, I couldn't take it,
something was eating him up inside, and it was tearing me
up.
"What the hell is wrong with you today?" I demanded. Zane
just continued to stare at me. I sighed and tried again,
"You can talk to me, you know. I don't bite."

The shock left his face as a small smile crossed his lips.
"Sorry, I'm just a little jumpy about Thursday."

"You'll do fine. Anthony says you're one of the best they
have." I looked closer at him. "That's not the only thing
bothering you, is it?"

There was silence for a moment as he stared at the space
between his feet and when he finally did speak it was so low
I had to strain to hear him. "I. . ." he started, his voice
trailing off at the end. Taking a deep breath, he began
again, "I was wondering if you'd come watch the meet. I need
all the support I can get."

I didn't laugh at his joke but studied him for a moment. His
face was a little red, and his hands were clenched tight
together, as if he was afraid I would say no. He still
hadn't looked up from the floor, and I knew he wouldn't
until I answered.

"Yes," I told him, "I'll be there."

All the tension seemed to flow out of him for a moment, and
he slouched down on the couch. Then, as he remembered why he
had asked me, he stiffened again and sighed.
Thursday approached quickly, and I could see the stress in
all the guys. Good-natured Jeff even snapped once at his
love, Rick. It was always like this, but neither of them
ever took it seriously. The swim meets always took place
after school, and this one was at our school and against our
rivals, St. Marks. I arrived late at the pool, but I was in
time to watch Rich pull himself out of the pool and hear
Zane's name called over the system. I watched as he made his
way over to the starting blocks; that black scrap of
material generously called a bathing suit moulded to his
ass. After adjusting his goggles, he glanced around the
crowded room. His eyes stopped on me for a moment before he
turned back to look out at the water in front of him. The
whistle sounded loud and clear, echoing through the room and
before the first of it faded all the swimmers were in the
water. Zane slid through the water and gained a good lead on
the other swimmers. The lean sleekness of his body gave him
an advantage, and I could tell the water was his element.
When he reached the wall, he did an underwater flip and used
the wall for leverage, giving himself an extra rush of
speed. He was halfway back across the pool as the rest hit
the far wall, and he reached the finish before they made it
half way. He rose out of the water with a loud gasp for air
and was rewarded by a stunned silence. No one had ever swum
like that in the history of our school. Whether he knew it
or not, Zane was a new school hero.

The rest of the meet went by quickly, our team winning over
St. Marks.

Zane

A few weeks passed, as did my embarrassment at my newfound
popularity, and one day at Lucas', Ci announced, in that
disarming way of hers, that we were playing Secret Santa
this year. The guys groaned and tried to bargain their way
out of it, but Ci, like always, was set in her decision.

"It's gonna be different this year. There will be two
presents per person. One will be whatever you want, a gag
gift or the real thing. The second has to be a meaningful
present. We'll draw names and exchange the gifts at Mom's
Christmas party, okay?" Ci smiled at everyone before pushing
to her feet and heading out the door.

"Shit, she gone done it again!" exclaimed Rich with a laugh.

Two days later, we were gathered together at Ci and Cae's
house to pick the names. One by one we drew the small pieces
of paper out of a bowl and read the names silently to
ourselves. I wasn't sure if I should have been relieved or
disappointed when I didn't draw Cae's name. Part of me was
glad that I hadn't. I didn't want the task of trying to buy
a present for the person I had a crush on. At the same time,
I would have loved to have given him something meaningful,
even if he wouldn't understand the meaning behind such a
gift, but I had pulled Rick's name instead. I had no problem
thinking of a gag gift to get him, but I had no clue what
the other gift should be. Finally, I gave up and asked Ci.

"What do I get him?" I begged, "I don't know him well enough
to pick out a thoughtful gift."

"You have three weeks to think of something. That gives you
time to find out what he likes," Ci stated. "Watch him, pay
attention, and you just might find out."
It was at that point that I decided I hate Secret Santa.