Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 18:32:51 GMT
From: anthony williamson <ant0027@hotmail.com>
Subject: football beginning 2

Chapter two: Acceptance:

Stuart approached me putting his arm around my slightly shaking body. I
don't know why but his touch made me feel secure, as i leaned against his
shoulder i cried a little less, slowly forgetting why i was crying.  I
wasn't forgetting i was just pushing it to the back of my mind and not
realizing that it could do more harm than good. After a few minutes i had
stopped crying and was just lay with my head resting on his shoulders. He
looked at me for a moment then he moved his head forward. Suddenly our
mouths touched, I was so shocked all normal though left my body and as if
automated i started to kiss back. After only a few seconds i re-gained
control of my body and pushed him away. I stayed in my position just
staring at Stuart blankly.

Stuart looked into my eyes and smiled
"what's wrong Jesse"
he said rubbing his hand through my hair the feeling of this was amazing .
"err nothing is wrong"

"Listen Stuart, I'm not gay. Honest."
Stuart looked deeply into my eyes and
his smile disappeared. It changed into a look of disgust.
"How can you deny
who and what you are."
"I am not gay, so just leave me alone. ",
I said my anger building.
"Jesse, there isn't anything wrong with being gay. It's
perfectly fine. Just accept it like I have."
"I am not um.... uh..., get out
now. Just go",
I said angrily. How could he make me question my sexuality, how
could he try and make me think I was gay when I'm not. Am I?, I thought to
myself as he walked out of the room. I looked deep within myself into a part
of
me I had never thought of disturbing. As soon as I did, I jumped up onto my
feet and ran outside shouting his name,
"Stuart I need to speak with you."
He jumped round and looked at me surprised to see me.
"What do you want."
I looked at him surprising myself,
"listen you were right about what you said.
I'm uh.... ur.. listen not here, let's go back inside."
We walked back into my
house and ran up the stairs; we then went to my room. I sat down still
shaken
and scared.
"The reason I denied it was the fact that I felt like a stranger in
my own body. For the first time in my life I felt so alone. I really don't
expect you to understand it"
"but I do. You don't realize Jesse that I've been
through it all before."
I couldn't believe that I was finally telling what I had
so desperately tried to hide. For the first time in my life I felt that
there
was someone that did actually understand what I was going through.

I felt closer towards Stuart, on that one day, then I've ever felt before
towards anyone in my whole life. It literally felt like the weight of the
whole world had been lifted off my shoulders. We sat and talked for hours
about how we felt and how to cope with this situation. I had made the
biggest decision in my life ever in those very few hours. It was decided
that this was one thing that had to be kept between me, Stuart, and the
four walls.

That night I decided to asked my parents if Stuart could sleep over. We
needed to finish talking.  We both knew that this was one thing that was
going to change my life dramatically, and he was the only person I felt
that I could trust and talk to because we were both in the same
predicament. They agreed that he could stay since it was not a school
night. We went back up to my room. On the way there I felt that there was a
new closeness between me and Stuart that I could not explain. It was like
we had developed this bond that only we could understand.

When we got back in my room I closed the door. I did not want my parents to
hear our conversation.
"Stuart do you think I should tell my parents."
"I wouldn't if I was you."
"Why not?" I asked.
"You shouldn't worry about it right now. It would just be
too much for them at this moment on top of everything else that is
happening. It
could only make things worse."
"Look Stuart, I don't think I can lie to them. This is something I think
they should know."
"I know, but tell them in a while when things are working out better for
them. Besides you have to figure it out for yourself first. Realizing that
you are gay, and admitting it, are both very traumatic things for a person
to go through. Find out who you are first, and get comfortable with
that. Then when the time comes to tell your parents you will be a stronger
person, and you will be able to handle anything that is dealt you. Ok."

"Ok.", I agreed. "I will wait until the time is right."
There was a knock at the door,
"Its 11:00 boys. I think its time you were off to bed.
You've got training in the morning, and you don't want to be tired. You
both need all the rest you can get.", dad said walking away from the
door. I got up to lock the door and turn out the lights. On my way back I
turned, and looked at Stuart. I couldn't help but smile at him, and the way
he smiled back gave me a comfortable feeling. I turned to Stuart and said

"you have the bed and I'll have the floor."

"Why don't we just topsy-turvy like we use to.", Stuart
replied.

"Your right I suppose. I just thought that you would feel
uncomfortable....."

"Why? We both feel the same about this don't we."

"Yes your right. I was just being stupid."

We both began getting ready for bed, and as I turned round to get in bed I
saw Stuart just stand there. This feeling washed over both of us and, I
couldn't help what happened next.


Well that was chapter two sorry they are short but not much time also sorry
that i have put no sex in yet but i
hopefully will very soon. Any comments please email me at
Ant0027@hotmail.com.