Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2000 23:37:31 -0400
From: BBG <some1yuno@hotmail.com>
Subject: Lacrosse Lover  Chapter 9 (M/M, Coll, Mast)

*This story contains gay erotica in it, if you are averse to such things
you shouldn't read further. If you are under the age of consent in your
area you should leave this site. If you are not going to listen to me, I'm
assuming no liability for your actions.

*I retain all copyrights for this work, but I'm giving consent for this
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(including AVS) and that the text stays exactly as I've written here.
Individuals may keep a copy of this story for their own personal use.

*In addition I'm giving consent for this story to be reposted in the
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exactly as printed here and that the poster does not claim originality of
the work.

*This is entirely a work of fiction, the characters do not exist to the
best of my knowledge.  These characters are created purely as a work of
fiction and should be treated as such.  Any similarity between these
characters and real life people is unintentional.
*******************************************

Lacrosse Lover: Chapter 9
 By Mark (BostonBiGuy) some1yuno@hotmail.com


So far this whole story has been told from Charles's perspective.  All of
the events have been skewed by his perceptions, which are colored by his
personal feelings.  Now, you'll get to find out some of what's been going
on inside Rob's mind, how he feels.    Inside Rob's mind is the key to
unlocking a missing portion of the dynamic between the two main
characters.

Now on to the story, which is what you're really interested in anyway.

  *  *  *
When I woke up Charles was no longer in the room with me.  I wish we had
stayed like last night, against each other with his arms around me.  But
apparently one of us had moved.  Judging by the sheet twisted up around
me, it was I that had moved.  I untangled the sheet and sat up.  Charles
returned to the room just as I sat up and swung my legs off the bed.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Better, but still tired."  My muscles were still stiff and sore as well,
but I didn't mention that.

When I stood up I became aware of my morning wood.  Nothing I could do
would have concealed it, so I just tried to act nonchalant.

"Looks like you're feeling better today."

He just couldn't be quiet about it.  I was slightly embarrassed at having
him call attention to it, but I hid it between a cool veneer and shrugged
it off.  "It has a mind of its own."  I couldn't help but grin at the joke
between us.

I headed for the bathroom to take a piss, Rob went into the living room.
I could hear him talking to Matt.  As I walked into the living room, Matt
was saying, "You should sleep in Jeff's room tonight, he won't be in until
Monday morning. There's no reason for you to have to stay in the same room
since there's one free."

Damn him!  I could feel my jaw tightening as I looked at him.  If he'd not
brought that up it is possible that Charles would have stayed in my room
again tonight.  If he had chosen to stay with me in my room that could
have been a sign, but I'd never find out now.

Charles went to go take a shower, when I heard the bathroom door shut I
knew that he would not be able to make out what we were saying.

"Why did you do that?"
"It was for your own good."

"The hell it was."

"Rob, look, I know you like him, but that's no reason to take risks like
this."

"Matt, I just want to find out. "

"Yes, I know, but there may be nothing to find out."

"I know, but. "

"Rob, right now you don't know anything for certain, all you have is a
bunch of things which could be nothing more than a coincidence."

"What about all of the. "

"All of the what?  All you have is a lot of events that could be
coincidences.  It wouldn't be the first time that you were wrong about
someone.  You were wrong about Jerod; you were lucky then.  What if you're
wrong now?  What if it turns out worse than the last time.  You've
invested a lot more in your friendship with Charles now than you did with
Jerod - you've even asked him to be our roommate.  I think he's a nice guy
and I think he'll be a good roommate, but you could seriously louse this
up, you could lose him as a friend entirely."

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Look, I just don't want to see you get hurt emotionally or physically.
This isn't exactly a gay friendly area.  One slip-up and your time here at
school could become a living hell."

"I know you're just looking out for me and I know I'm probably letting my
feelings get the best of me but I just want it so bad."

"Give it time.  He obviously likes you.  If you give it time once he's
moved in you might be able to find out more.  You might find out just how
he feels about you."

"Yeah, you're right."

About that time I heard the bathroom door open and the conversation came
to an end.  I walked by the bathroom to find Charles in front of the
mirror shaving.

"Finished with the shower?"

"Yep."

I went into my bedroom to grab my towel and shower stuff then went into
the bathroom.  As I stripped out of my clothes I looked at Charles
standing there in front of the mirror.  His attention was focused on
shaving so he didn't notice my glance.  When I looked at him standing
there in that towel I wanted to walk up behind him and just wrap my arms
around him.  I wanted to hold him against me as I nibbled along his neck
and.

I cut the thought off midway and turned towards the shower.  Those
thoughts would cause me to betray myself.  There also seemed to be no
point in tormenting myself.

Throughout the day I tried to keep thoughts of him from entering my mind
but I wasn't successful.   That night I lay awake in my bed wishing that
he were with me again like last night, but I wasn't so fortunate.
Thinking about Charles holding me last night excited me, bringing with it
the realization that I'd had no sexual release in a few days.  While ill
I'd not felt up to it, before that I had stayed too busy and had been
unable to find time for it in a few days.

I knew that trying to ignore a hardon was like trying to ignore a
hurricane.  As I stroked I tried to think of anyone other than Charles, I
didn't want to torment myself.  Inevitably my mind kept returning to him.
I surrendered myself to the fantasy and let my thoughts focus on Charles.
Mostly I thought about the way he smiled and the sparkle in his eyes.  I
thought about that night outside his room when we had walked back from the
party and I was playing with his nipples.  I had been drunk then, it let
me do something that I would not have done otherwise.  He had never
brought it up so I don't think he suspected anything.  I thought about
that night that he had stayed here over Thanksgiving when I'd had the wet
dream.

His touch had been incredible in those dreams, it had almost felt real.
Those sensations of memory combined with the feelings flooding from my
groin as I stroked to bring me off.  I imagined him lying next to me, as
though we had just shared a night of passion and wished that he were there
now instead of in the next room.

I finally opened my eyes and stood up to go to the bathroom and piss.  I
didn't bother to put any clothes on since I was used to walking around the
apartment in the nude.  As I walked by Jeff's room I saw Charles in there.
I could tell he was staring out the window, he hadn't heard me and seemed
to be focused on whatever he was watching outside the window.  I would
guess that he was thinking about something while watching the moon.

I watched him for a while as his eyes drifted shut.  While I watched he
fell asleep and my heart skipped a beat watching him there.  I wanted to
go in there and lie next to him but instead continued on my way to the
bathroom.  I only stopped for a moment to watch him before returning to my
bed.  I had not expected to fall asleep quickly, but I guess being ill had
taken its toll and I was asleep soon after I closed my eyes.

  *  *  *

End of semester finals came all too soon and I had little chance to get
together with Charles apart from the occasional meeting.  Neither of us
swam very often and there was no practice until after we returned from
break.  Before Charles left I told him to give me a call when he returned
from his trip home.  Ostensibly to allow us to arrange for him to move in,
but in reality, I just wanted to hear his voice again as soon as possible.

Over the break I missed him, it was very quiet around the apartment.  Jeff
moved out and Matt went home to see his family.  I stayed there alone,
waiting.  When Matt finally returned I was happy to have company, the
campus turns into a ghost town during breaks.  Still, I was a lot happier
when Charles called.

I felt like an idiot for being so excited, but I knew that I was in love
with him.  He wasn't the first guy I'd fallen in love with so I could
easily accept my feelings, even though those two events hadn't turned out
well.  When he called after returning I had been in the shower, thinking
of him while I jacked off.  I loved stroking in the shower with the hot
water running over me.  I would guess Charles did too from that night he
stayed after the party and I found him in the shower with a hardon.  I
didn't say much that time because I didn't want to embarrass him but that
view had provided me with many fantasies.

Matt yelled into the bathroom "Charles just called to say he was back and
wants you to call him when you finish the shower."

I quickly cut off the shower and stepped out of the bathroom and ran down
the hallway.  I picked up the phone and dialed Charles.  I shouldn't have
rushed but I was so anxious to hear him again.

"Hey, you're back."

"Yeah."

Matt had been in the kitchen and came into the living room right then and
saw me standing there having just come from the shower. "Hey, stop
dripping all over the place, you could have at least toweled off first!
And put some clothes on damn it!"

"Hehehe, sorry about that.  So when are you gonna be ready to move?"

"Umm... whenever, I've already got all of my stuff packed."

"Ok, tomorrow good?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, why don't we get breakfast together at about 10, then we can get you
moved.  Do you think we'll need two trips."

"It might, but I really don't have a lot of stuff to bring with me."

"Ok, cool.  See you then."

I was almost reluctant to hang up the phone, even though I knew he was
gone.  I was excited that I'd be seeing him tomorrow though.  My boner
hadn't softened up a bit as I had been on the phone.

"Would you mind putting some clothes on now?"  Matt had to spoil my mood.

"Yes, I would mind.  I kinda have a problem here that would make it
difficult to get clothing on."

"Well at least go to your room, no one wants to see you naked."

"You know you like it even though you are straight."

Matt had traveled down the hallway by that time and grabbed a towel from
the bathroom.  He threw it at me and hit me in the head.

"Get the hell out of here and dry off."

"Yes mother," I said while walking down the hall to my room.  I just threw
the towel over my shoulder when I picked it up so I was still naked and
wet.  As I passed by Matt's door I suddenly had an evil thought.  Matt's
door was still partly open so I pushed it open the rest of the way and
jumped onto his bed getting it wet as I landed on it and rolled around a
bit.

"YOU SHIT!"

"No, I didn't but I could if you really want me too."  I walked out of the
room listening to Matt laugh, between cursing me that is.

I finished what I had started in the shower stroking off to my thoughts
about Charles.  When I finished I dressed and continued through the day.
That night I tossed and turned thinking about the next morning and seeing
Rob again.  Thinking that he was moving in with me and wishing that he was
going to be moving into the same room.  Still I was both excited and
worried about being so close to him.  I didn't want to ruin things like I
had with Jerod.

Jerod had been the second guy I fell in love with and I thought a lot
about him as I lay there.  We had met when I was a freshmen, it was just a
chance meeting at my orientation but it proved to be a good one.  We
quickly became friends and spent a lot of time together.  In fact, he was
the one who introduced me to going for a morning swim as a way to get my
day started.  I enjoyed watching him on those occasions, I enjoyed
spending time with him.

I quickly realized that I was falling for him.  I was cautious, but I had
never been one to put away my feelings.  I knew that I loved him and I
felt that he might be the same way as we became closer and closer.  On
those nights when we were drunk from a party we'd often stay together in
the same room, sometimes the same bed.  Normally we both slept in the nude
when we were alone and eventually he decided to sleep nude too and didn't
care if I slept nude with him.

Of course, we were drunk at the time but that didn't really seem to make
much difference.  I pursued my feelings, keeping them quiet as long as I
could.  One night we were sitting around talking, he looked like he was
about to say something and I thought he was going to kiss me.  I leaned in
and kissed him.

He recoiled away from me with a look of horror on his face.  My cheeks
flushed bright red as I realized what I had just done.  I couldn't believe
I'd been so stupid.

"Why did you do that?"

"I'm sorry, I. I didn't mean to. "  I could feel the tears start to run
down my face.  I wanted to turn and run but I just couldn't seem to move.
I could only sit there in terror of what would come next.  Jerod stood up
and I cringed away from him.  He was older than I and much better
developed.

When he saw the look of terror in my eyes he calmed down and spoke.  We
talked for about 30 minutes while I told him the whole story.  How I had
fallen in love with him.  He comforted me and told me that he had never
realized I felt like this.  I found out that he was straight, but he was
at least ok with my being gay.  I was lucky that he wasn't a homophobe and
didn't start beating my skull in.  This area wasn't exactly friendly to
people who didn't fit in and I should have been more careful.

Even though he was ok with my being gay our friendship was never the same.
He was no longer comfortable being nude around me or with me being nude
around him.  He soon started to avoid running into me in the locker rooms,
we stopped going to places together.  Eventually we drifted apart and I
got over it.  It took a lot though, not only did he not return my
affections but I had lost him as a friend too.

It was through him that I met Matt though and he turned out to be a very
good friend and helped me get through my depression though he didn't know
the cause of it.  Before we moved in together I told Matt that I was gay,
I didn't want to start off like that keeping secrets from him and I felt I
could trust him.  I told him all about my history with my parents, what
happened with Jerod, everything.  He still supported me just as he had
before and continued to do so now.

Where I was emotional and erratic Matt was calm and levelheaded, the
perfect balance for me and a great friend.  He never stopped caring about
me or turned his back on me, in fact we became even closer friends and
he's still watching out for me whenever he thinks I'm heading into
dangerous territory.

I drifted off to sleep at some point though I'm not sure when.  I woke up
well before my alarm clock went off.  I stood up and went into the shower
and dressed.  I felt pretty foolish to be spending so much time getting
ready, shaving and even putting on my favorite cologne to go pick up
Charles.  It was like I was getting ready for a date and I was only going
to go to breakfast with him and help him move.

I showed up early to pick him up and we grabbed breakfast before setting
to work packing.  Even though he said that he didn't have much stuff it
still took several trips through the dorm to get all of his stuff moved
out.  We took that back to the apartment and dropped it off to return for
the rest of the stuff and to let him check out of the dorm.

After returning to the apartment I helped him to unpack his stuff.  Of
course, I had to be a mischievous so when I was asked to unpack a box of
clothes I dumped them out all over the bed.

I laughed as he glared at me, "What?  You didn't say you wanted me to put
them up."

"Gee thanks asshole.  Could you please put them up?"

"Maybe.  I'll have to think about it."  But started putting them up
anyway.  As I was putting things away I saw some thing lying there that
surprised me.  A jock that I had thought lost in the locker room and a
pair of my dirty boxers that had been missing.  I could tell by the
crumpled state they were in that they were still dirty.

I wondered what he had been doing with them.  Especially considering the
other pair of my boxers that I had found that day while doing laundry.  I
had left them in the locker room as well and they finally turned up when
Charles was over to wash clothes.  I wondered if he was keeping them on
purpose or if they were just there accidentally.  I couldn't help but get
my hopes up, although I kept quiet.  I figured I'd talk it over with Matt
some time when we were alone together and see what he thought.  I
continued helping him pack his stuff up.

Things settled into something close to a routine around the apartment over
the next few days as we adjusted to the change in environment.  For the
most part Matt and I had gotten used to not having another roommate since
Jeff was gone.  The transition was probably more difficult for Charles
though, since he was used to having no roommates.

It took a couple days before I finally got a good chance to talk to Matt
about the underwear since I didn't want any chance of Charles overhearing
until I was certain about him.  In my mind I had pretty much already
worked out that I was right about him from what I'd seen.  Matt was not so
convinced by it though.

"It still doesn't mean that he's gay.  It doesn't mean that he has
feelings for you beyond friendship.  He could have seen the underwear in
the locker room and picked them up intending to return them to you."

"Then why didn't he, he had plenty of opportunities?"

"He might not have wanted to return them because you might think he was
gay and had taken them.  There was that pair that he returned while doing
laundry and another pair then disappears.  If you were homophobic that
would be more than enough of an excuse to beat the shit out of him.  You
see some of the bashers in this area, you know what they'd do in that
situation."

"But he knows that I wouldn't hurt him, I mean, he's one of my best
friends."

"Jerod was one of your best friends and you were afraid he was going to
hurt you when you kissed him.  To some people friendship doesn't mean
anything when you suddenly turn out to be someone they didn't think you
were."

"I suppose so."

The thought that he might have been afraid of me almost brought tears to
my eyes.  I'd never do anything like that to anyone, regardless of who or
what they were.  No person deserved to be hurt for being who they were, no
one.  I wouldn't be like my father.

"Look, you just need to be careful about it is all I'm saying.  I don't
know how he feels, I really don't know him as well as you do yet.  But
you've been hurt twice before and I don't want to see that happen again

I had to concede that Matt was right, at least on the need for caution.  I
suppose that somewhere in my mind I had decided that I needed to be
cautious about it anyway, otherwise I wouldn't have waited to talk to
Matt.  Still, now that Charles was living here there had to be a way to
find some definite proof.  I was thinking about the variety of items that
I had seen when he moved in and I came up with an idea that might help me.

I didn't know for certain if it would, but I came up with a plan.  Most of
the time Charles rode with me to the campus and then rode back with me
after practice so it made it very difficult to find time alone.

The next day I decided to take him to the campus, we'd go for our swim as
usual, but then afterwards, instead of going to class, I'd drive back to
the apartment.  My plan went as I'd expected.

We went for a swim and afterwards I said goodbye to Charles as usual.  I
think he might have sensed that I was anxious about something, but he
didn't say anything.  I waited for a bit to make sure he didn't decide to
get anything from the car.  He often left his afternoon books in the car
and would go back and get them.  After about 15 minutes I knew his class
would have started and he would be occupied for the next hour and a half
so I went to the car and quickly drove back to the apartment.

When I went into his room I cut on his laptop.  He had showed me how to
operate it and there were no passwords that I needed to fill in to get it
running.  I pulled up the browser and looked into the history, but it was
almost empty.  Apparently he had cleared it.  However, there were still
files in the cache of his browser.  He'd cleared out most of those too,
but there were still some cookie files from various sites.  Quite a few of
those were from porn sites and most of those were gay.  A few of the
cookies were from gay story sites, since they weren't pay sites I knew
that he'd have had to go to those sites to get a cookie from them.  And
there were too many to put it down to coincidence.

That afternoon I talked to Matt and asked him if he could be gone on
Saturday night.  I wanted to tell Charles but I didn't want to be too
presumptuous.  He might be gay, but that doesn't mean he's interested in
me.  There was also the possibility that someone else had viewed those
sites on his computer, but I didn't think so.  Some of those files had
been modified too recently, although I couldn't be certain.  Still, I had
more hope than I'd had in weeks for our potential future together.

I managed to control myself until Saturday night.  I don't know why I
wanted to wait those few days.  I did want to make sure we were alone in
the apartment and would be for a while, but Matt could have easily been
gone tonight or tomorrow night.  I knew that he wouldn't have a problem
with it.  It did give him a convenient excuse since he was going to visit
a friend.  I would guess that a major part of the reason was that I was
still scared.  I was afraid of what might happen when I told him.

On Saturday night Charles suggested a party that was on campus.  I thought
about going.   I could have something to drink and so could he, it might
make things easier.  But I was afraid that I'd end up chickening out.  So
I just told him, "I don't really feel like going out tonight.   Why don't
we just rent a video or something and hang out here?"

He agreed so we just picked up a couple of videos from a store along with
some pizza.  I didn't have much of an appetite since I was so nervous.  I
would look at him and would try to speak, but I couldn't tell him.  I had
decided to wait until after dinner to tell him, but then we started the
movie and he seemed to be enjoying it.  I just watched him trying to find
the words to say something.  But I couldn't, my tongue wouldn't move.  So
I decided to wait until the end of the movie.

I couldn't wait for the movie to end.  I knew that I had to bring this to
an end.  I reached for the remote, stopping the movie and cutting off the
TV.  I looked at him but still found myself unable to speak.

I had no idea what to say, so I said the first thing that came to me.
"Charles, we need to talk..

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That's Chapter 9.   Chapter 10 was posted simultaneously so please read on
for the conclusion.

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