Date: Thu, 31 May 2007 17:15:08 -0700 (PDT) From: Dan R <danrl1099@yahoo.com> Subject: Me & Justin 21 I brought my circle of friends up to speed about the Chris situation before classes started. As high school would have it, the whole school knew by lunch time. I think Chris was a little uncomfortable with the whole deal, but he made it through ok. We had hockey practice that afternoon and it went well. We drove home together talking about the days events and went down to my bedroom. "Chris, I really like you and stuff" I said sitting on my bed. "But I really think you should sleep in your own room tonight." "Yeah, I was kindoff thinking that too. I really like you Brian, but I know your heart is somewhere else right now. Plus, if we are going to be living together and stuff, we need to act like brothers or whatever." He said. I smiled. I really wanted another brother. Not that my own brother wasn't ok, but I always wanted another one. We exchanged hugs and we ate dinner and watched some TV, then went down to our rooms again. He asked me if it was ok that we left our doors open and stuff. I said that was cool. Plus he turned on the bathroom light from the hallway. He later told me that he was scared that his dad was going to break into the house and kill him. I stripped and laid down in my bed and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts drifted to Sean, as they always seemed to do. I wondered if I would ever have anybody in my life that I loved as much as I loved him. I wondered if the pain would ever really go away. I remembered back a ways when we decided to camp in our back yard and sleep in a tent. ----- "What are you doing?" Sean asked. "I dunno man. I have no clue how to get this fucking thing up." I replied, very frustrated. I was trying to get the big tent up back in the woods of our yard. We went way back so our evening noises couldn't be heard. We decided that we were going to try `camping' for the night. Which was pretty funny because my house was like 100 yards away. But we made a fire pit and were putting up this tent to make it seem real. We finally got the tent up and it was starting to get a little dark. We built a fire in the pit and we cooked hot dogs with sticks and then marshmallows. We were having a great time sitting next to each other talking and being close to each other. We were totally in love at 15 and it felt like we were the only two people in the world who were camping in some desolate area of the wilderness, not in a suburb of the twin cities. It didn't matter. After a while, it was getting late, like 11 or so, so we pissed on the fire to put it out. Then we laid back on the blanket and looked up at the sky. It was a really clear night. We could see every star. They were so bright. I leaned over and looked at Sean looking up into the sky and just concentrated on his face. He looked so peaceful. I loved looking at him, especially when he didn't know I was looking. I studied every freckle on his face, his lips, his nose, his eyelashes. I loved everything about him. I wondered what he was thinking in his mind. I reached over and put my hand on his chest. He looked over at me and smiled. I could feel him inhaling and exhaling. I could feel his heartbeat with my hand. I scooted over to him and whispered in his ear. "I love you more than anything in the world Sean.". He turned over to face me and he whispered back "Brian, I can't imagine being without you. I love you so much." With that, we kissed and grinded our young bodies together. I didn't want that moment to ever end. I looked at him in the eyes and I think I knew what he was thinking when I was wondering what he was thinking about. I just held him closer to me if that was possible. He was on top of me and he hugged me as tightly as you could. I rubbed my hands all over his back and legs. We would occasionally meet for a kiss, but what was happening was way beyond sex. It was love. True love. We finally made it back to the tent and made love as passionately as we ever had in our short lives. Everything about it was about loving the other. When we woke up the next morning, we were still embracing tightly. The feeling that I had in my heart would melt the icecaps. I never wanted that feeling to end. ----- But it did. I layed in my bed and felt tears going down my cheeks. Even though I had great parents and friends, I felt so alone laying in my bed at that moment. I grabbed the extra pillow and hugged it and sobbed. All comments are cool.