Date: Sat, 10 Oct 2015 06:37:47 +1100
From: maxwell dowling <maxieplus@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Deepest Cut

The Deepest Cut

By Maxieplus


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; any resemblance to persons living or
dead is entirely coincidental.

You may not copy it or transmit it in any way except in its entirety and
with this disclaimer and of course my permission. This story features
descriptions of sex between males:

So if you're under the legal age to read such material, please DO NOT
READ. A big thank you to my editors David and Duncan for fixing my
mistakes. And thank you all for your past comments on my other stories,
they are most welcome.

All comments are welcome and gratefully received Thank you.

maxieplus@hotmail.com <mailto:maxieplus@hotmail.com>


The deepest cut came too soon. I wasn't ready for the knife to rip through
my heart. To kick start the terrible bleeding that was a constant throb
inside my chest, as it pumped the living daylights out of me. I fell to the
bed and curled myself up in a ball, squeezing my eyes, and waiting for the
screams I knew would arrive seconds later. I tried to breathe as my stomach
spasmed. Surely this will kill me; put an end to the pain inside. The note
said,

"I can't do this anymore. I love you but I have to say goodbye." It slipped
through my fingers and fluttered in slow motion to the covers. It now lay
somewhere beneath my body. I managed to pull a cushion to my face, and then
I screamed and screamed. My tears flowed like a waterfall; my body was
wracked with pain. My time is now, I just want to die. I don't want this
pain anymore. I can't take it, I am alone, I am beaten and I am cut to the
heart.

______________________________________________

Chapter 1.

I showered and dressed my shorts and Tank will do today and the team
meeting won't take that long. Thank god, they can get a little repetitive
sometimes. I parked my car and smiled at Paul, one of my team mates, who
had just retrieved his bag out of the boot of his car.

"Ready for another wank session Ben?" He laughed; I lifted my finger in
salute. That's how we see coaches' talk, nothing new, just talking the club
up and trying to cram positive thoughts into our brains. I never took much
notice. Playing football for me is an anger management pastime, it goes
like this; I get angry and then try to manage it, but being a leading goal
kicker helps. I allowed myself to chuckle, but it feels false because the
bleeding hasn't stopped inside. It's been four months since my agonizing
night where I realized I had been defeated and sentenced to a life of
misery, on my own.

Coach's talk was all about playing as a team, as a club, proud and strong,
blah, blah, blah. I nearly went to sleep.

He looked up and said,

"Mr. Chambers I know this is all boring stuff to you but at least have the
decency to open your eyes." I sat up straight, like a naughty school boy,
then slowly slid down the chair to a more comfortable position.

"Nice of you to join us Mr. Denver, I'm pleased you could fit us into your
busy schedule, sit down anywhere."

"Sorry,Coach, my bus was late." I lifted an eyebrow to look at this new
player that catch's a bus, what's with this dork. Oh shit he just tripped
over his bag, great now he's going to sit next to me. The meeting droned on
and on, I thought again, about going to sleep, but that's not a good idea
because the coach will have me running laps, and I needed to get away as
soon as possible.

"Now that's it for today, everybody I want you to meet Jay Denver, he's
playing in his first senior's game this Saturday. Some of you will know him
and the rest of you get to know him, he's one of the pack this week, so we
wish him well."

"Hi guys." He lifted his hand and sort of waved.

Another tryout, from the list of guys that play in the second's. I have
watched him at training he's good, a runner for sure, but I don't know what
his kicking skills are like. I do know he's a hot looking dude, maybe
Italian extraction, but it's hard to tell. There are so many different
cultures on the team I get lost in it all.

"Ben got a minute?" Coach mentioned my name.

"Yes coach."I was annoyed, he disturbed my rest.

"I want you to feed off Jay this Saturday. He will get the ball to you so
keep an eye on him. He's quick and a dead straight kick so work with
him. That's all guys, see you at training tomorrow."

"Jay by the way." His hand went out to me, I shook it then grunted and
walked off out the door to my car, the last thing I need is friends.

"What a hottie that Jay is hey?"

"Yeah fucking sizzling John." I am a man of few words. I have to keep it
all in check. John was at a party I went to ages ago. He was with his
boyfriend; it seems he's got the hot's for the new kid. I wonder what his
boyfriend would think of that. I actually didn't like him much, it's
because of him and Kevin that Pete met Chris. I never went to their parties
but Pete did. It was about then he stopped being my boyfriend. John has
shut up about me being gay, I think that's a two way street, he knows I
would never out him. The least I see of him the better, there's just
something about him I detest in a man.

Starting my car and slipping the seat belt on I slowly steered it towards
the exit. I had wanted to get to the supermarket before the school pick up
traffic started. Those mums are ruthless on the roads after three.

Turning out of the footy club car park I threw my car into second gear and
gunned it. There at the bus stop I saw Jay waiting for a ride. Get a
fucking car mate. He was leaning on the Bus stop shelter, his bag slung
over his shoulder looking as hot as hell. I drove straight past and headed
for the shops.

After finding a parking spot, I then grabbed a trolley. Some kids saw me
and started to talk footy so I talked as I shopped, I had a list today
because I don't want to miss anything. I hate it when I have to drive
back. The kids' mum pulled them away just as the thirtieth question was
asked. Thank God, leave me alone. I paid for my stuff signed an autograph
for the kid behind the counter, filled my boot, then drove home.

Closing the door behind me, I dropped the shopping bags on the floor, went
over to the couch and flopped down. I pulled the cushion to my face and
once again cried my heart out. I still feel the same emptiness inside; I am
alone with no one to talk to, no one to hold at night, no one to share my
life with anymore. I have to act straight at the club, so the guys don't
get even a hint I'm gay. But fuck its so hard. I wish I could just sit with
someone and pour my heart out but there's no one. There was only ever my
Pete.

An hour later, after getting the sad's out of my slashed heart, I started
putting the groceries away. Pushing my demons to the backburner, I started
thinking about what to cook. I had made a list of things I could cook and
was scared to try new things; because I have had more disasters than a
Kardashian's butt job.

While chopping the tomatoes I thought about the way my life was heading. I
have to stay focused on my career, that's the main thing. When I'm on the
ground I feel fantastic, free, and the butterflies in my stomach lift me to
a higher plateau. It's been four months now and no sign of Pete. He didn't
even come back for the rest of his things. I will toss the suitcase out one
day, I keep telling myself that, but the `things' in it were the things I
had bought him; except for that very expensive gold chain he wore around
his beautiful neck. He wouldn't leave that, of course he wouldn't. I
reached up to my cheek and tears had started to drip down and get caught up
in my dark five o clock shadow. Reaching over I pulled out yet another
tissue to wipe my face; I should buy shares in that company.

I lit the barbeque on my small balcony, and then sat in the afternoon sun
waiting for the grill to heat up, my mind went back to the meeting and Jay
Denver. How much I would give to fuck that kid; he was gorgeous, in an
innocent sort of way, and he looked as soft as silk waiting at the bus
stop. His dark brown curly hair framed his perfect face, his olive skin was
just waiting to be licked. Well no time to reflect on who I want to fuck
because it's not going to happen. I noticed I had thrown a chubby. For a
long time I couldn't get an erection didn't matter how hard I tried. But
then I wasn't concentrating on sex anyway. I managed a few rubs but all I
saw was Pete's face so I ignored it. I didn't want to invite him back to my
bed, even though it was only an image, but I did have some awesome wet
dreams.

I wondered where Pete had gone. When I had rung his office, to beg him to
come back, I was told he had left the company and they had no forwarding
address. Another gut wrenching moment in the life of Ben Chambers,
superstar of the Melbourne football club; all round good guy, up for
anything that makes him feel good. Yeah right, up for anything; only media
hype. I wish I did get up to half the things I was supposed to be
doing. But alas I'm pretty boring that's if you call my six three frame
boring, I think not, you have a powerhouse of pure muscle standing over you
waiting for the next insult from an opposition player and dying inside for
a lost love, what a combination.

My steak was as usual, great, thanks mum for teaching me how to cook one. I
didn't do a salad there was only me so I had it with some oven fries, and a
chopped tomato. It will be my 25th birthday soon. I guess I will be
celebrating on my own. Pete took me out to dinner last year but I really
wanted to stay at home and fuck with him. He was so distant that year and
when I found out about Chris that knife started to make its way between my
ribs. It had finally ending up slicing my heart eight months later. You see
Pete fell in love with Chris, and they continued the relationship while I
was desperately trying to save ours; until one cold night, he couldn't take
it anymore, and left.

Two years of sleeping in the same bed meant nothing to him. And Chris. Well
good luck with that one, he's never been a one man person; I hope Pete
doesn't get too hurt. I don't know if I would take him back now, not after
all that's happened. But I do know I have no one, not that I didn't get
offers. Its just they were not Pete's offers, sorry...no that's wrong. I
don't get offers because I don't go anywhere.

I watched some TV, the usual stuff, like the footy show and shit like
that. I didn't get a mention this week but the new recruit did. Jay Denver,
an up and coming star, the viewers were urged to watch him play this
Saturday.

A photo flipped onto the screen and I gasped, it was a professional club
one he was fucking gorgeous. I could only dream of fucking him. For fuck's
sake Ben get over it. You're probably the only gay player in the league
apart from John. His face and body haunted me while I lay in bed, he's so
fucking awesome looking, his body isn't as big as mine but it certainly
rocked me as I stretched my powerful legs and spewed my load over a hand
towel.

Thinking back to our club meeting he looked like he had a weight on his
shoulders, a bit distracted, even tired maybe. I hope he doesn't end up
like the other rough nuts in the team, and no I don't want him as a
friend. I have no friends, especially at the club. Yeah I have mates but
none of them know about my private hell. If they did I would be out of a
job quick smart. The club preaches tolerance, but at the end of the day,
the guys can't help themselves with the insults; and if the opposing team
found out my number would be targeted relentlessly.

At training the next morning Jay was out and about in his shorts. His
powerful legs were awesome and yes he was quick on the field. He could out
run me. But anyway all I have to do during the game is a little elbowing
and kick goals. Most of the hard work is done by the runners like
Jay. Don't fuck it up mate, if you make me look bad I will come after
you. Just kidding, I haven't a mean streak in my body; I just like people
to think I'm a dick. I can't let the guys get too close to me. I don't want
to be lured into the macho bullshit so I act mean and they leave me alone;
if they only knew how I felt inside.

After running around the oval I started to do some handballing, then some
goal kicking practice; one went over my head so I chased it down. As I was
about to pick it up Jay walked by and nodded. I nodded back but that was
all; keep it cool, its business as usual. He practiced his goal kicking
then the whole team did handballing. His ass was screaming to get outa his
shorts. It's been ages since I have had a fuck, shit; think of something
gruesome, Ben, now, do it.

When we all left the club he was at the bus stop again. I did think about
picking him up but passed by knowing I had to get home; and I don't want
any friends. I saluted him as my car sped up the road. Surprisingly I
didn't cry into my cushion today. I actually slept on the couch until the
sun went down, great, now I'll be up all night.

We are not allowed to go out on the town the two nights before a game and
it's frowned on if the players make a scene at a pub or get drunk in
public. I'm not a big drinker and I usually drink alone because I enjoy a
beer or two every now and then. It had been months since I let loose, so I
made a decision, it was time to greet a new world, a world away from Pete
and Chris. I wanted drinking and dancing to happen and the new bar that's
opened up around the corner sounded right up my alley. It was within
walking distance of my place so I hit the shower and started my
routine. The one thing I had going for me was the nine inches that hung
from my lower body, nice and long and beautifully thick. Pete had loved my
dick, he sometimes fell asleep still sucking on it long after I had cum.

My muscles bounced around as I splashed aftershave over my clean shaven
face, my blue eyes and sandy hair glistened in the light, and the thin matt
of hair that travelled from my collar bone down to my pubes was, as Pete
said, perfectly in tune with the curves of my body; adding shading that
highlighted every muscle. He used to love sleeping on my stomach and would
play with my pubes for ages until we fell asleep.

With my baseball cap on, and a warm jacket, I strolled up the street and
around the corner to check out the new bar. It promised go-go boys and drag
queens for my entertainment. If it all doesn't work out I didn't have far
to get home. After ordering a drink I found a quiet table in the corner
away from the dance floor. It wasn't a busy night and my cap did afford me
some privacy. I sipped my scotch and coke and my feet tapped away at the
music.

The go-go boys were in full flight, all three were dancing in golden
cages. An older guy with an awesome body, a younger twink skinny as a rake
and a handsome cowboy type, were shaking their asses to the beat. Up on
stage I spotted a pole. I guess its there for the Dag show, sorry drag show
later. A guy came over and tried to talk to me but I was unresponsive,
because I had my eye on another guy that had just come in. He was beautiful
and right up my alley; great body, six foot tall and white teeth that shone
in the strobe lighting. What I wouldn't give to be firmly planted in that
ass. An equally gorgeous hunk in leathers appeared by his side and smooched
him. Well there goes that idea, not that I thought I would have a chance in
hell, my pick up skills haven't been used in a few years. But when push
comes to shove at least I can go into the dunny and get my dick sucked by
someone desperate.

I turned my attention back to my stalker. He was gone but had been replaced
with an equally annoying queen that wanted me to buy him/her a drink, I
ignored his/her pleas pretending the music was too loud, which it hadn't
been.

The stage lights went on and a new very raunchy dance tune started
playing. This brought my attention back to the pole. My jaw dropped when I
saw him; the best looking body I have ever seen was up on stage, he wore a
black leather loincloth and a mask in the shape of an eagle's beak. The
contours and shading of the lighting were making his body even more
insanely hot.

Black hair tied back showcasing his long neck, he had begun his routine on
the pole it was awesome. I immediately got a hard on. His ass was covered
in the lap-lap but every now and then I would get a glimpse of his tan
line, which was enclosed in a pair of black briefs. He took my breath away
as he turned upside down, his tight ass crack gripping the pole. He was an
artist not a go-go boy; he really was perfection plus. I really don't know
much about dancers, but the few times Pete and I went to see a live show I
sort of got it. The pure gymnastics, the energy that goes into every
routine, must be murder on the legs and upper body. This hottie was making
it look like a walk in the park. I know every muscle was straining and
hurting; that olive skin was free of any blemish.

I felt the hand on my crotch first, then he felt the back of mine in his
face, he fell off his seat and bounced on the floor. I didn't look at him
as he skulked away with embarrassment. At least I was alone now, just me
and my beautiful pole dancer, only four meters away from my table; so close
but yet so far. I think I was dribbling from mouth to dick.

I was getting rather hot and sweaty watching this show. I imagined it was a
private dance just for me, but when I tore my eyes off him the whole room
had gone quiet everybody was watching. When I looked back I stared straight
into his eyes, I took my cap off to scratch my scalp, he slipped and
fell. I jumped up to help him but he was too quick. He took hold of his
pole and finished his routine, and then he was gone, just like that.

He had enchanted me holding onto my heart for a moment then he cut me down
when he coldly left the stage; without so much of a thank you. I wanted to
own him. I needed to own him.

I moved around the two rooms for the next hour hoping he would come out for
a drink or something, but decided his boyfriend must have whisked him
away. I again felt empty, opting out on that visit to the men's room to
find a willing mouth, I headed home alone.

My dreams that night were full of him. I didn't even know his name and the
venue posters didn't mention a pole dancer let alone a name. His image put
me to bed and as I raised my legs to widen them they cracked, and my balls
emptied their juice over my tight abs, but in my brain I was buried deep in
his hot tight ass. I felt worn out in the morning, but had to toughen
up. It was Saturday, game day,and I had a full four quarters to do, twenty
minutes each quarter, we were playing at home so the MCG wasn't that far
from my place, I had better get going I needed a massage and my ankles need
to be taped. Last year I twisted my right one, it sidelined me for two
games, two precious losses for our team, I couldn't help. So to make sure
that doesn't happen again the club insists I get them wrapped before every
game.

Most of the boys were already there. Some had been rubbed down and I hailed
George to let him know I needed one. He was working on Jay's legs. I
couldn't help but notice he only had his underwear on, and the Physio's
hand was stretching up under them to his bum cheeks. I didn't notice it,
until it was too late, but my chubby arrived and it was going for gold by
the time I caught it then willed it to go down. I was good at doing that in
these change rooms. The amount of bum I have seen in here was plenty; I
likened it to a closed cream cake shop.

There are plenty of good looking blokes on the team. All they talk about is
pussy and kids, mowing the lawns, some barbeques with the mates. I never
went when I was invited. I don't do the blokey bit, it's not my style. I am
here to play football not win hearts in the change room. Jay was finished
and George slapped his butt as he got up my heart raced my breath
shortened, I had to look away you can't stare to long at the other guys
they might think you're a poof.

"Good morning Ben." Jay said as he walked, no glided by.

I grunted dropping my shorts to the floor and laying face down on the bench
so Georgie could get a good go at my legs.

I nearly went to sleep. I was certainly in raptures by the time George
finished because Jay's locker was directly in my eyesight and I got a good
look as he pulled his briefs off to be replaced with a jock strap and
shorts. Now I am in big trouble, my chubby has turned into a raging
hardon. My towel came in handy with this one. He shouldn't have shown me
his creamy ass cheeks with two fucking hard dimples, and he shouldn't have
bent down, even my tongue tried to get hard.

After dressing I started my warm ups, psyching myself up for the game. I
thought Jay would only be played for a couple of quarters. The selection
committee only let the new kids play about that much because they want to
ease them into the game gently. I looked over at him he was stretching his
legs. When I was about to turn away he did something you wouldn't expect
from any of us, he did the splits then leaned down and placed his forehead
onto his knee. I can only dream my body could do that. He moved his leg
back and did the same with the other one. Now that's a position I could get
to know a whole lot better.

The five minute siren went and we lined up to enter the arena, I noticed
John was talking to Jay. What's he fucking up to? The game started well,
Jay handed me three balls and he jumped in the air when I turned them into
goals. He was merciless with his body. The other team tried to knock him
down several times but he was to fast for them. This kid knew what he was
doing and no one got in his way. He dodged, out ran and kicked straight to
me and when I couldn't get to it there was John he kicked to also; who had
also lined up and kicked two goals for our team. Jay was taken off after
fifteen minutes for a rest, but back again in the next quarter where he ran
rings around his opponents. At one stage no one was playing on him because
he was too fast for them to catch up.

At half time in the change rooms he was on the floor doing stretches and
cool downs.

"You haven't taken your eyes off him all day John what's up?" I whispered.

"Eh?"

"Jay, you keep looking at him is everything okay?"

"Yeah sure it is." He went red, I growled and walked into the toilet room.

When I got back John was in line and ready to go play. Jay was in his track
suit and was ready to sit on the sidelines. I ran out onto the field
picking up my shadow from the opposition, I made him follow me. I'm not a
follower.

Another three goals and woops a point, but it wasn't my fault. We won the
game and twelve thousand supporters started to leave the ground. I got
George to take my strapping off, then showered. When the coach did his talk
he praised Jay for his outstanding work today, I thought he did well; and I
thought he looked spectacular too.

I ran my hand over my pec's and squeezed them, my nipples were standing out
and begging to be sucked on. The guys were going to celebrate at the
clubrooms, I was going to find my pole dancer, and had decided if I have to
drag him off stage I will be fucking him before midnight. My small waist
fit my Levis snugly and my ass stood firm. After I tucked my tight tank in
I noticed my nipples popped out the sides. I didn't change, I liked the
idea of my pole dancer looking at them and lusting, maybe. In other bars
like this, usually the dancers are available, like I mean available for
sex, usually money exchanges hands, but because this bar is more
mainstream, it's probably not happening here. I will have to rely on my
charm and charisma.

The place was alive tonight my now new favorite table taken. I did think
about upturning it scattering the queens that gathered like chooks around
it. Instead I stood at the bar but even that was uncomfortable because my
ass was pinched, groped and rubbed by persons unknown to me. One or two
hands got crushed in the process. It's nice to be wanted but I only want
one person tonight and I won't take no for an answer. I'm a hard assed
prick, you say. Well, try being hurt to the core and see if you don't
harden up quickly; walls appear everywhere solid and cold.

After having a light bulb moment I asked the barman what time the dancers
come on. He said in about fifteen minutes. I also asked what the pole
dancer's name was.

"James mate, he's new, some sort of dance student and hot as hell but no
one knows what he looks like. He wears that bloody mask to work and home
apparently. Says he's

Straight, but I think he just doesn't want his boyfriend to know he's
working here." He smiled then added,

"Man what I wouldn't give for a bit of that ass. It's perfect, he's
perfect." I growled under my breath said a sort of thanks instead of
punching him in the face; then went towards the stage. Finding a clear spot
to the right I sat on it leaning up against the wall. I had a great view
from here. An older man looked like he had won the prize until I scowled;
he fled, probably going to make a cup of tea.

Music, where's the music? Everything had gone quiet. I heard a lot of
shushing about the room then a very slow song came on to shake the huge
speakers into life. He was there, a different mask, simple and black to
match his fucking black tights that hung low off his hips. He was doing
some sort of modern dance. His poise was perfect, his body smoldered under
the lights, as he pirouetted across the stage finishing up two feet from my
face. He looked down and smiled. My heart melted for this awesome piece of
ass, he danced across to the other side, so fucking sexy.

The music tempo changed to thumping dance music and he began a sort of bump
and grind dance. I didn't care, my eyes were on his ass and that bulge he
was sporting. Suddenly his tights disappeared and he had nothing on except
a dance belt.That bulge was real and I nearly ran on stage to cover him
up. I found myself standing I was actually swaying to the beat of the music
and I was totally by now in love with James my dancer. The music died and
he was drenched in sweat, as he exited the stage he grinned at me again, I
thought I'm in I don't care if he's a slut or a money boy, I want some and
I want it soon.

My thoughts were on last night I didn't see him in the club after his act
then, so I decided he had left by the back stage entrance. I ventured
outside to find it, and it didn't take me long.The lonely light that hung
over the black doorway shone its dull glow into the alley way. I waited to
snare my prey. It took ages until the door finally flew open. A lone figure
walked out with a bag slung over his shoulder. He stopped in his tracks
when he noticed me.

"You are so fucking good." I said.

"Thanks." He replied.

"Can I walk you to your car?"

"No I catch a train."

His deep voice danced with my dick, I so wanted to push it in between those
full pink lips.

"Can I walk you to your train?"

"Sure you can, but before you do mate, can I have your name?"

"Martin, and your James?"

"Martin, I see, nice name." I detected a smile.

"Well are we ready to go?" He said.

"Yes."

We had only gone a dozen steps when I spun him around and kissed him, I
couldn't help myself I had to have him and I don't care if anyone sees us.

"What, what was that all about mate?" He was shocked.

"I had to kiss you, I want to fuck you, you are so fucking achingly
awesome." He looked scared and his face changed to anger.

"Oh you want to fuck me?"

"Yes."

"Well I hate to disappoint you but I don't fuck mate, see you later."

He walked away into the night. I wanted to chase him, another slice at my
heart. Where the hell did that come from? Ben your not that crass. Settle
down a stupid, stupid thing to say idiot, you fucking fool, that's no way
to pick up a god, shit you blew it.

My tears began as soon as I turned the corner they didn't stop until I
flopped onto the couch, he doesn't fuck. I have to get to know him, maybe I
was too eager maybe he's a top, I can do that, I will do that for him. I
can't let my guard down, not again. I have to stay positive, and I can't
let anyone walk all over me. But Ben, settle down, ease into it. Fuck me
he's in my head now. I tried to think about Pete, but my brain said whose
Pete?

I regretted bitterly saying that to him because a walk to the station would
have been so wonderful. I needed to be by his side. I wanted to get to know
him. I can wait for sex, I can do that. But no, I will get hurt again,
cutting stabbing crushing pain. I was up at three am sitting on my small
balcony contemplating having a smoke, but I don't smoke. So I started
again, I spread my legs and cupped my balls, I imagined my dancer sitting
down on my lap, then my left hand played with my nipple while my right took
care of business spewing the contents of my balls onto the concrete
floor. I went back to bed and wished it was night time so I could wait in
our alley to maybe walk James to the station.