Date: Sat, 30 Oct 2004 16:46:56 -0500
From: Gerald Simmons <umpire@columnist.com>
Subject: Busted for DUI

Once when I was driving home from a bar, I was pulled over by a cop.  It
was very late at night, and he pulled me over into an empty parking lot.
I had not been drinking that much, and I didn't really think that I was
at risk for a DUI.  In fact, it didn't occur to me.  I thought he was
pulling me over for speeding.  When he got out of his cruiser, I noted
that he had a nice body.  I admired guys who were fit, and this guy was
big but muscular.  This made him seem intimidating rather than sexy to
me.  At this time, I really was primarily into women, and I didn't think
much about guys beyond admiring their bodies.

He stood outside my car and began his normal routine.  His crotch was
level with my face, and so I couldn't help but notice that his tight
uniform forced his stuff into a prominent bulge.  Somehow his big package
seemed to fit with his big, muscular body.  I got nervous when it became
clear that he was going to test me for alcohol.  I had never had this
happen before, and so I wasn't sure whether I would pass the
breathalyzer test or not.  He had me out of the car walking a line and
doing some other things.  Eventually he started in his obviously
memorized speech about my rights to refuse the Breathalyzer test.
Without going into all of the details, I had no choice but to take the
test, and when I did, it turned out that I was over the limit.

This was very bad news, since it was mandatory for me to be taken to
jail.  My test was very close, so I reacted by trying to appeal to his
charity to let me go.  At the end of a rather pathetic plea, I said
something along the lines of "Just tell me what I need to do to get out
of this, and I'll do it."

He looked at me fiercely and said, "You better watch that shit.  I'm
not the type to take bribes, but I know some cops who'd take that as an
invitation for a blow-job."

I was sort of shocked, but also turned on, and before I knew it, I had
said, "Well, at this point, I'd probably tell them to drop their
drawers." I stopped myself and sort of looked at him sheepishly before I
tried to smooth over what I had just said.  "Look, I'm really
desperate.  Isn't there some way you can cut me some slack here.  I've
never failed one of these tests before."

He totally ignored me and said, "would you like to follow me down to the
station with you car, or do I need to take you down in mine?"

I was very upset at this point, but I was happy that at least he was
going to trust me to drive myself.  I wondered for a fleeting moment
whether somehow I could make an escape, but that was a really stupid
idea.  I told him that I would follow him.  He opened my car door for me,
and I got into my car.  Rather than closing the door, he stepped forward
facing my open door.  I thought he was going to say something, but
nothing happened.  There was a very uncomfortable bit of silence, and
then he did something amazing.  He reached down with one hand and
casually scratched/adjusted his crotch.  I realized that he was signaling
me that we has going to let me give him a blow-job in exchange for this
arrest.

I wasn't certain, so I tentatively reached out with my hand, and his
crotch met my hand so that it rubbed against his crotch.  I could see
something growing inside, so now I was sure, and I was getting excited.
I reached up and unzipped his pants.  It was so tight it was difficult
getting his dick out of his fly.  By this time, he was getting hard.  He
was not as big as I had imagined when I first saw his bulging crotch in
his uniform, but his dick was nothing to be ashamed of.  I put it inside
my mouth and I began licking and sucking on him.  As I continued, I
reached up to unbuckle his belt.  I wanted those pants down so that I
could see his balls and his muscled legs and stomach.  I wasn't
disappointed; his body was beautiful.  He let me rub my hands all over
him as I sucked on him.  I was having a great time, but it was all over
very quickly.  Soon I felt the cum coursing through the underside of his
cock, and he was exploding in my mouth.  He shot several loads into my
mouth.  After he was spent, I cleaned him up with my tongue.

As he was pulling his uniform back on he said, "This is the first
installment of your debt."

I feebly said, "Okay."  He had all of my license information, so he
knew how to get hold of me, but somehow I also knew that this was just
bluster to keep me intimidated.  He did not intend to bother me.  Even
still I find myself every so often answering the phone and sort of hoping
that I hear his voice on the other end.