Date: Wed, 8 Aug 2012 04:04:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jenny Tian <azulasn@yahoo.com>
Subject: Curious About Rape

I was standing at the other side of the street, waiting for the traffic
light to turn green while I watched my bus driving away. It wasn't one of
those situations where I would curse at the stupid red light and ask myself
why I hadn't left the house one minute early but I just stood calmly,
glanced at my clock, wondered why I still had so much time and decided to
buy a coffee before the next bus arrived.

There was a small market right behind the bus station and I got myself a
coffee latte -- not one of those wonderful fresh ones, but one with tons of
milk and sugar but it was alright. I sat down on the bench and sipped my
coffee. There was another man there, sitting next to me and he was smoking
but the wind was blowing from the other side so I wasn't bothered.

A woman with a kid came to the station, they sat down at my left side and a
couple of minutes later the bus arrived. I got up and someone caught my
eyes. A guy, a handsome guy was looking at me and... for some reason I was
feeling courageous and instead of going to the back door, which was in his
back, I went to middle door, entered the bus, turned my back to the man,
finished my coffee, dropped the cup into the wastebasket and sat down where
I was at the other side of the door but facing the man.

He had tanned skin and short dark hair, his face was very manly, very
handsome and I could see that he was built. He wore a shirt that didn't
hide his muscles at all and his left arm was tattooed. I never was good at
guessing ages but he was probably around 25, I wasn't sure.

The man glanced at me once but then he didn't look at me anymore and I
thought that I had probably only imagined the whole thing. Besides, what
would a gorgeous hunk like him think of someone like me? I was rather short
at 5'6'' and there was not much muscle definition. I loved sports but I was
the slim kind of guy. I was of mixed race, half Chinese, half European and
I wasn't bad looking but not great either, just average, not really
standing out, not handsome but cute. And there was my baby face.  I looked
nothing like my eighteen years, I had to show my ID if I went to buy DVD's
that had an age restriction of 16!

I turned to look outside the window but I couldn't get over how good the
guy looked and how his eyes had bored into me... or at least how I had
imagined them to. And as my thoughts wandered I couldn't help imagine how
he'd follow me when I got off the bus, how he'd just grab me from behind,
drag me somewhere and have his way with me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that I should be shocked about
my thoughts.

I grew up in a Christian home and my parents taught me that I should wait
before having sex until I met my woman. Well, they had no idea that I had
no intention of marrying some girl but I was not going to come out to them
yet. Maybe after I finished with college and lived away from them... That
was the reason why I thought that my first time should be important but
until now... I hadn't gotten any action except for my right hand and I felt
like I was constantly horny. I jacked off several times a day and it was
making me go crazy, especially if I read how other people had hot sex
wherever and whenever they wanted. But until now I had been too scared to
approach someone and I really wanted it to be good.

And here I was, looking at some random, if hot, guy and thinking that he
could have his way with me and I didn't care at all. I felt myself swell a
little and was glad that I was wearing briefs. I could almost see how his
strong arms wrapped themselves around me and how he stood behind me,
pressing his crotch to my ass... How he took me to his place and I would
just comply, I'd just follow him blindly, let him take the lead... In my
head I saw how he undressed me, probably wondering what to do with hands
and then just let them hang and...  He took off his shirt and I imagined
his six pack but when I reached out to touch it he grabbed my wrists and
led me to the bed where he pushed me down.

I could almost feel how his hands explored my body, how he turned me around
and spread my legs and my ass cheeks, how he grabbed the lube and how for
the first time something entered me down there.

From where I sat I could see that his hands were big, big and beautiful and
I wanted to feel them, I wanted to feel them inside me. I was sure that he
was experienced and a great lover. Maybe a little forceful and rough but
great. He'd be able to bring me pleasure...

Or maybe he'd just take me in some dark corner... I probably blushed a
little as I imagined him dragging me there, pulling my pants down and I'd
feel scared but excited. It was weird how I almost felt how he pushed my
mouth open with his fingers and shoved them inside. My heart beat faster,
knowing what was coming and when he pulled them out I leant a little
forward and he pushed his finger inside me. I moaned and he told me to be
quiet. A second finger followed and when he thought I was ready he opened
his zipper and the monster between his legs was positioned between my ass
cheeks, the head pressing against my tight entrance and I prayed that he
didn't damage me down there and then the head entered me, his big cock slid
slowly inside me, filled me up and stretched me like never before.

He put one of his hands in front of my mouth to stifle any sound and the
other slipped under my shirt and caressed my body, calmed me down while I
was in pain. And then he started fucking me, sliding his monster out and
back inside, and again...

I snapped out of my daydreaming when the bus made a sharp curve and I
realized I was almost at my destination. I had to get off at one of the
bigger stations and wondered where the hunk would get off the bus.

The automatic voice announced the name of the station and I saw how the man
got up and damn... thousands of thoughts rushed through my head when I saw
it!

He wore blue, rather loose working pants and damn... there was this bulge,
a little to the left side and it was fucking huge! He was at least half
hard and it looked like he really had a monster between his legs.

I'm not sure how long I stared at it but the man walked towards the door
and I was doing the same and when I managed to look up I saw his intense
eyes looking at me. Instead of looking away I managed a small, really,
really small smile and then the bus stopped, the doors opened and I went
outside.

I walked slowly, still thinking that maybe he'd follow me but it was early
evening, it was still bright outside and there were so many people
around. Besides, he probably had to go somewhere, as did I. And so I walked
away but when I looked back after a minute I thought I saw him looking at
me and I stared back. It was hard to tell but right then I wished... I
wished for a lot. That he'd talked to me or that I had walked even slower
or made some sign or... just something.

Well, the man didn't get out of my head and I hung out with my friends the
whole evening. It was fun and we decided to go to the city where we ate and
laughed and talked and made a lot of nonsense. We caught the last tram and
only one of my friends had to go the same direction. She soon left while I
had to drive longer.

At the last station I got off and saw that there were no more busses
driving so I had to walk home. It wasn't all that far, only four stations
and took about twenty minutes.

It was almost one am and peaceful. I always liked the quiet night. It was
nice to be outside, watch the moon and the stars and just think or do
nothing.

I was only one station away from home when I saw the small, white car
slowing down and then stopping next to me. I could see three guys inside,
maybe in their early twenties, and just continued walking. It made me feel
uneasy and one of them waved with a stupid face.

Then the door opened and one of the guys stepped outside with his hands
behind his back. I wondered if he had something in his hand, like a knife
maybe and just continued walking, while my heart started beating faster.

The car continued driving slowly and I knew I was in big trouble. These
guys... they were no good and I was not going to let them have my first
time. I didn't want to be in a gang bang or something and even if I had
sometimes wondered what it would feel like, right now I just wanted to get
away from them.

Running would be useless, I knew that much and so I took my cell, dialed my
father's number and started talking to him in Chinese. Meanwhile the car
had pulled up in front of me, the two guys inside were grinning at me and
there still was the one behind me.

He probably heard the word `baba' and cursed. "Shit, this guy called his
father." And with that he got inside the car and they drove away.

My heart was still racing as I walked home and I looked over my shoulder
several times. Back home my father was pissed but I just wanted to get to
bed.

I rarely slept in my pj's but today I felt like it and I snuggled to my
cushion and wrapped myself in the blanket. My heart hadn't really calmed
down yet and I wondered what would have happened if I hadn't called my
father, if I hadn't been as calm.

The whole thing had scared me and I wondered if this was some sort of a
sign or a lesson to teach me that I didn't want to be raped at all... Maybe
if I had a boyfriend and we played games but like that it was horrible.

Reading about someone being taken forcefully always got me off but those
were only fantasies and now that I had almost gotten to know how it was if
you were in that position and I knew that it was just horrible and I knew
that I would have been a mess if these guys hadn't left and instead taken
me with them.

But as I closed my eyes I couldn't help but wish that the guy from the bus
was lying in bed with me, his strong arms wrapped around me and his body
warming me.

I know I'll probably never see him again but I can still hope, right?


-------------------------------


I hope you enjoyed this short story. Everything I wrote in there really
happened a couple of days ago. Well, a few things are different, like the
fact that I'm not a guy and that I was not alone when I walked home. I was
with my younger sister and there was no way I was going to let anything
happen to her again. But I know we were both itching to kick them between
their legs =)

I'd be interested if anything similar ever happened to you or if you're
also fantasizing about rape or something...

You can contact me at aszulasn@yahoo.com
Best wishes