Date: Wed, 18 Dec 2002 15:59:24 -0800 (PST)
From: Tim Mead <timmead88@yahoo.com>
Subject: Dr. Tim and the Boys, ch. 8

Dr. Tim and the Boys

timmead88@Yahoo.com
Chapter 8:  Chemistry

A question has come up about the suddenness with which Tim
accepts that, after living a straight life for 26 years, he
is actually bisexual.  One of the advantages of writing
stories like this is that the writer makes new friends, guys
who have shared their reactions to the story.  One such new
friend for me is Mickey.  On this issue, Mickey sent me the
following letter, and I share it with his permission:

"In real life, I still have trouble understanding those who
discover their sexual orientation late, who stumble upon it
and are surprised.  I've known so many guys who didn't know
they were gay until later.  As one who has always known,
long before I knew any words to label it, I am amazed that
anyone could go through adolescence, much less a portion of
adulthood, not knowing.  I remember being almost
uncontrollably drawn to the male body as far back as age 8.
By 12 I was `fooling around' with my friends and by 14 knew
I was totally `queer.'

"I never wanted to not like guys.  For a while during my
teen years, I prayed for bisexuality, so that I could at
least somewhat fit in with those around me.  But I really
liked guys, and I wanted to continue liking guys.  I never
wanted to be straight, to lose my attraction to males.  I
discovered a gay cruising area near where I lived when I was
17 and spent lots of time there.  In college, I dated a
couple of girls, actually double dated with my best friend.
But he was the one I wanted.  He was the first straight guy
I told I was gay when I started coming out at 19.  Turns out
he came out at 22, claiming he had no idea he was gay until
then.

"I guess some guys are so indoctrinated with how terrible
homosexuality is and how one must be heterosexual, that they
completely sublimate their true feelings.  AS repressed and
conforming as I might be, that is one thing I could never
have suppressed. . . .

"Back in my 20's, I knew a married grandfather who came out
at age 65.  He had always known he was gay, but had lived
the life expected of him, including becoming a . . .
minister.  Last weekend, I went to the 65th birthday party
of a dear friend which was thrown by his male lover of 19
years.  His ex-wife, 5 children, their spouses and his five
grandchildren were also there, along with straight neighbors
and gay friends.  He had always known he was gay, but again
had lived the life expected of him.  Up to a point I
understand these people.  I came of age at just the time it
started being (barely) okay to be gay.  Before that it must
have been very hard and the temptation to just fit in must
have been overwhelming.  What bothers me is that 30 years
later, when everything is so much more open and easier,
there are young people who are still living a lie, trying to
fit in, pretending to be something they are not.  In some
ways, things have changed so much.  In some ways, for some
people, they have not."

There it is: some guys recognize the "problem" early and
deal with it, others sublimate, and some just downright
refuse to admit it.  Mickey, I admire your honesty and your
clear-sightedness.  I'm grateful to you for sharing your
letter with us.

                              #

The following story is fiction.  It involves sexually-
explicit erotic events between males.  If you are offended
by such material, are too young, or live in an area where it
is not allowed, don't read it.  In the world of this story,
the characters don't always use condoms.  In the real world,
everyone should practice safe sex.

The author retains all rights.  No reproductions or links to
other sites are allowed without the author's consent.

My friend, editor, and occasional collaborator Tom wrote the
letter from Chaz to Tim in this chapter.  Thanks, again, Tom
for all your help!  I also want to thank Evan, Patrick, and
Ash for their great ideas and steadfast encouragement. -Tim

                              #

Trey took the towels from the dryer, put them in the laundry
basket, carried them into his bedroom, and dumped them on
the bed.  There with the towels was a pair of his roommate's
boxers.   He folded the towels and took them back into the
hallway, where he put them in the linen closet.

The boxers which had somehow gotten into the towel load had
yellow smiley faces on them.  Trey had always been amused
that his macho jock buddy had worn something that "cute."
They seemed inconsistent with the Chaz he knew.  He put the
shorts on Chaz's bed.  Turning to leave the room, he saw a
sheet of printer paper on the floor beside the bed.  He
stooped, picked it up, and was about to put it on his
roomie's desk when the heading caught his eye.  He read on.


Hello Dr. Mead,

Writing this, I wonder if I'll ever send this letter.  You
notice I addressed you as "Dr. Mead."  It doesn't feel right
to me, calling you "Tim."  I'm not comfortable with what
happened, either.  Not at all.  Not only with what we did to
you, but also what came after.

I screwed up bigtime.  I know that.  But I still don't know
what made me do it.  Trey and Mark got what was coming to
them, and they obviously learned something from their
experience.  They were SO relieved afterwards. They seem OK
with themselves and with you, too.

And what about me?  I got off easy.  Should I be grateful?
Yes, sure, I was worried all that night and the next day.
But I didn't have what Mark calls his "epiphany."  I guess I
didn't deserve one.  Instead, I'm feeling more confused than
ever.

Trey and Mark and Ced and me, we used to be friends.  Now I
don't seem to belong any more.  I wish I'd never come up
with that fucking plan.  I wish things were like before.

I never was one for brooding.  Now, though, I'm thinking and
thinking, and I've never been so unhappy.  I've always been
kind of a laid-back guy, but things are different.  Really!

Yes, I liked it when you sucked me off.  I got off on the
power I had over you.  But watching Trey fuck you was
different somehow.  I could see how much he was getting into
that, and I wanted to throttle you.  Trey is, or was, my
best friend.  Now I find out he's gay, and I don't know
where he and I stand.  I was looking forward to having you
at my mercy.  I wanted to humiliate you bigtime.  Yeah, I
wanted to make you scream then.  I still do, sometimes.

So you see, you and me, we can't be friends.  You have taken
my buddies away from me.

The university year will be over soon.  Going home for the
summer sounds really good to me right now.  Nobody will have
to worry about me any more.  Yeah, I saw you all looking at
each other, like I was your next charity project.  Well, you
can count me out.

Like I said, I'm sorry for what I did.

But please, just leave me alone!

Charles Greeley


                   *          *          *


Mark and Cedric had stayed after baseball practice to chat
with their coach, so by the time they had showered and were
toweling off, they had the locker room to themselves.

Pulling on his white briefs, Cedric observed casually, "You
know, Mark, Coach Barnes is one man even I don't find sexy."

"What?" Mark replied, smiling.  "You don't like hairy old
guys with big guts?  Tell me, is he the ONLY guy you don't
find sexy?"

"I'm gonna get you for that remark, Mason," Cedric answered,
also smiling.

By the time they finished dressing and left the gym, it was
dark.  They walked rapidly toward their apartment in the
brisk air.

"Uh, Ced?"

"Yeah, bro?"

"It's great to see you so happy."

"I thought you were going to ask me a question."

"Yeah.  Well, I guess I was."

"And?"

"Are you sure Tim feels about you the way you feel about
him?"

Cedric beamed.  "He says he loves me.  And he sure acts like
he does."

"True.  When you two are with the rest of us, he doesn't
seem shy about showing his affection.  Is he that way when
you two are other places?"

"Only when we're alone, and then is he a handful!  In class
he's still pretty much the `Iceman'.  But, see, Mark, he
trusts you guys.  You remember what he said the other night
about us ALL being brothers?"

"Yup.  I think he called us a `remarkable brotherhood'."

"So he doesn't have to hide anything from any of you."

"Well, you know him better than the rest of us do.  He seems
like a great guy.  I would just hate to see you get hurt,
buddy."

"Thanks, bro, but you don't need to worry."

"Tell me something.  Do you know if Tim's broken it off with
his fianc‚e yet?"

"If he has, he hasn't told me."

"And what do you make of that?"

"He's busy?  He doesn't know how to tell her?  How in hell
would I know?"

"Hey, Ced, don't get testy on me.  But that's what I mean.
If he feels the way he says he does about you, why hasn't he
broken off his engagement to what's-her-name?"

"Amy," Cedric added, absent-mindedly.

"OK, Amy."

"Look, Markie, I love Tim.  I mean, man, I LOVE Tim.  And
loving somebody means trusting them.  So I have to trust
him.  He'll deal with Amy when he's ready.  I know that."

"Well, I hope you're right."

Cedric popped Mark on the shoulder and said, "Thanks for
caring, my friend."

They arrived at the entrance to their apartment building.
"I'm gonna go on over to Tim's for a while," Cedric
announced.

"When will you be back?" Mark asked.

"Don't wait up, MOTHER!"

"I think I'll go call Pops.  I haven't talked with him for
nearly a week.  Is it OK if I tell him what's been going on
with all of us lately?"

Cedric smiled broadly and winked at his roommate.  "Now
there's a sexy older dude!  I could really get the hots for
Stan if I didn't have Timmy."

"Down boy!  That's my dad you're talking about."

"So, studly, you're seriously hunky, and you obviously get
it from your old man.  He's not only great looking, but he's
got the sexiest personality.  It's a shame he's alone."

"Yeah, I agree.  Wish he could find some great guy.  Hey,
it's getting chilly standing here.  I'll tell Pops you said
hello."

"No, Mark, give him my love, OK?  I happen to care a lot
about Stan, sex aside."

"I used to wonder if it was just because you're both gay.
But I think you guys do have something special."

"Believe it!" Cedric replied.

"OK, Ced, I'll see you tomorrow if not tonight.  Say `hey'
to Tim for me?"

Cedric was already running as he said, "Right, Mark. Later."


                   *          *          *


                            TIM:

When Cedric arrived at my door, I could tell he had been
running.  He wasn't sweaty, and he wasn't breathing hard.
He just looked rosy.  (Yes, it's possible with his
coloring.)

As is his custom now, he grabbed me by the butt and lifted
me into a kiss.  I put a hand on each of his nips and
squeezed slightly.  He moaned his appreciation without ever
breaking our liplock.  We stayed that way, me on tiptoes,
for a long time.

"You smell good," I said as we finally came up for air.

"It's gotta be bath gel or deodorant.  I just came from
baseball practice."

"What happened to the Eternity?" I asked, smiling.

"Don't keep that at the gym, li'l dude.  Markie says `hey,'
by the way."

"Hey, Markie," I said.  "Now, the little dude has a surprise
for you.  Come this way, please."

"I love surprises.  Can't wait to see what you have up your
sleeve."

Doing my best to leer at him, I said, "It's not up my
sleeve, dufus.  Now, come with me."  Taking him by the hand,
I led him to the bedroom.  Once there, I pushed him just
enough so he knew I wanted him to sit on the foot of the
bed.  When I undid the button on his shirt, he automatically
raised his arms so that I could pull it off.

Then I knelt and began to untie his sneakers, which I
removed, along with his socks.  Ced looked at me
expectantly, silently asking permission to stand.  I nodded.
When he stood, I unfastened his jeans and let them drop to
the floor.  He lifted each bare foot in turn to let me take
his jeans away.

And there he stood!  Magnificent, his white CK briefs
tented, a moist spot where he was already leaking.  I stood
back to take him all in, and he was breathtaking!

"Timmy, honey," he said, "whatever it is you've got in mind,
you aren't gonna do it with your clothes on, are you?"

"Well, I COULD.  Depends on whether you want me to."

"I ALWAYS prefer you with your clothes off, you hot little
fuck!"

I reached to take off my shirt, but he insisted on doing it.
Soon he had me standing before him in my silk boxers.  They
too were tented.  They too had a wet spot.  I had been
leaking ever since that kiss by the front door.

"Now," he said, "forgive the expression, but what's up?"

"Apart from the obvious, you mean?"

"Of course."

"Well, Ced, there's something I've never done for you."

"Oh?"  Then he must have realized.  "Oh!  You sure you want
to do that?"

"Yes, babe, I'm sure."  I pulled his briefs down, freeing
Sneaky.

"Lie down," I said.

He lay back on the bed.  I told him to scoot up and spread
his legs, which he did.  Sneaky was rigid, parallel to but
not touching Ced's flat belly.

I crawled onto the bed and went right to work.  Whatever I
had thought of having to do this for Chaz, I wanted Ced to
love it.  I began to slurp his balls.  They weren't as hairy
as Chaz's, and I found myself getting into it. Since he had
just showered, I could taste his shower gel, along with the
mantaste.  I began to lick and suck in earnest, excited in
part by what I was doing and in part by Ced's appreciative
moans.

This must have been a real turn on for Ced. He was wiggling
so hard I had trouble keeping his balls (well, ball,
singular, since I was taking them in turn) in my mouth.

"Ahhh, Timmy, that is SO fine.  Don't stop, baby!"

I didn't stop.  I just kept licking and sucking, making
occasional forays to slurp on his perineum.  He seemed to
like that, too.

Finally, he said, "Babe, Sneaky's feelin' neglected.  Could
you give him some attention, please?"

His balls were covered with my saliva.  When I pulled back
and gently blew on them, I thought he was going to jump off
the bed.

"OOOOOH! Tim, that's wild, man!  Francis never did that!"

"Francis who?" I asked, thinking of an exchange between us
not long ago.

Ced got the point immediately and laughed.

I began to give his shaft long, slow lion licks.  For me it
was marvelous.  It was different from doing it to Chaz.
After all, I wasn't on my knees in front of a standing man,
being forced to do it, and I wanted to give Ced all the
pleasure I could.

I worked my way slowly upward as Ced wiggled and moaned.  It
gave me a great feeling to see and hear just how much he was
enjoying what I was doing.  His cock was leaking copiously,
and I was enjoying the taste of the precum as it dribbled
down.  Then I licked some off the tip, tonguing the piss
slit as I did.  At that Ced - well, he screamed.  (I don't
know how to spell a scream phonetically.)  Then:

"Ohmygod, Timmy!  I can't stand it, man, PLEASE take me in
your mouth!"

Eager to pleasure this hunk who had turned my life upside
down by loving me, I hastened to oblige.  Gone were any
concerns I had about being a cocksucker.  I knew now I was
gay, that having Ced suck me had united us in a special way,
that I wanted to be on the other end of that union.  Most of
all, I knew I wanted to make him happy.

So, remembering to be careful about teeth, I began to bob
and suck on as much of Sneaky as I could get into my mouth.
I got carried away, however, and, as during my only previous
experience, with Chaz, I gagged.

"Slow down, honey," Ced urged.  "You don't need to take it
all the way now.  There'll be plenty of time for that
later."

Those were almost the exact words Chaz had used when I
gagged, except he hadn't called me "honey," and there was a
world of difference between the motives behind the two
statements.  Resolving that I WAS eventually going to learn
to deep throat Ced, I got back to the present task.

I sucked, taking as much of his dick as I could without
gagging, using lots of tongue, especially at that special
spot on the underneath side of his shaft, and lots of
saliva.  Ced was once more moaning and wiggling and
obviously appreciating my efforts.

"Tim, babe, that's fantastic!  SO good!  You sure you've
never done this before?   You're making ole Ced feel real
good, baby, real good!"

It was about then that I realized how connected I felt to my
lover.  Well, of course we were connected, mouth to cock.
But it was more than a physical union.  Having Sneaky in my
mouth was so right, such a turn on.  Junior was as hard as
he gets, leaking profusely and throbbing.  Thus I discovered
that sucking cock can be a fantastic experience for both
parties, especially if they love each other.

Before too much longer, I could tell that Ced was getting
ready to come.  His breathing was coming in short, quick
gasps.  He quit talking and moaning and seemed to sort of go
away for a moment.

Then, very quietly, he said "Tim, you'd better back off,
babe.  I'm about to come."

Back off?  No way.  I kept right on going.

Soon, he went rigid and arched his back.  My hand around the
base of his cock was the first to feel the cum coursing up
his shaft.  Then it filled my mouth.  Again, Ced cried out.
(Who cared about the neighbors!)  I tried to swallow it all
but couldn't, so some of it ran down my chin.  I kept my
mouth on his cock until it began to soften.  Then I took
both my hand and my mouth off of it, wiped his cum off my
chin, and licked my fingers.  So I hadn't wasted a drop.

I pulled myself forward and lay on top of him, with my head
on his chest.  He put his arms around me and held me there.
We lay like that for a long time, and it was a sweet moment.
I hadn't come.  I didn't care.  I had made Cedric feel good,
had made him happy, had shown him that I loved him.  That,
after all, was what was important.  I thought back to the
Sunday not so long ago when he had spent a whole day devoted
to my pleasure, to showing me that he loved me.  Although he
was six years my junior, he made me feel nurtured, loved,
protected, ultimately safe.  How could I not love him?  How
could I not want to make him feel good, make him happy?

Much too soon, Ced ruffled my hair, saying, "I could get
used to that, babe."

"Count on it," I responded.  "I'll try to learn to do it
better."

"You're off to a great start, li'l dude.  We have our lives
to learn to love and pleasure each other.  But right now,
I've got to go.  I have to hit the books."

I felt like whimpering and pouting to get him to stay, but I
couldn't in good conscience contribute to his falling behind
in his studies, especially since he had just gotten caught
up.

"See you tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah, I'll attack you sometime in your office."

"Can't wait.  And, Ced?"

"Yes, babe?"

"You're delicious!"

"And you suck dick like you been doin' it all your life.
Even if you do still have to work on taking it all the way."

"Just want to make you feel good, babe."

"Tim, you have no idea!  Now, I gotta run."

Regretfully, I watched him get dressed.  I pulled on my
boxers, noting that the wet spot had dried.

We had another of those wonderful kisses at the door, and he
was gone.


I brushed my teeth and took a shower.  I was just drying off
when the phone rang.  It was Ced.

"Hey, lover!"

"Hi, sexy.  Just can't get enough of me, huh?" I teased.

"Listen, Mark has some news."

"Oh?"

"Yeah.  I've told you what a great guy his dad is, haven't
I?"

"Yes."

"Well, Stan's driving over from Meadville this weekend, and
he wants to meet you."

"What's up?"

"He wants to take you to dinner.  Just the two of you."

"Sounds ominous."

"No way, Babe.  Stan is a neat guy.  Sexy as hell.  I wish
he'd take me to dinner!"

"Watch it there!"

"OK.  But you'll go, won't you?"

"Sure.  I'd like to meet Mark's dad.  I'm just curious about
what he wants."

"I don't know either.  But trust me, you're gonna love Stan.
Just go with the flow, babe."

"OK, Ced.  Tell Mark I'll be happy to meet his dad.  But
there's no reason why he should spring for dinner."

"Oh, yeah.  That's part of the deal.  He wants to take you
to Stefan's, his treat."

Stefan's was one of the most prestigious - and expensive -
restaurants in town, not the sort of place I could afford to
go to very often.  I'd almost be ashamed to drive up to the
door in my old Toyota.  What in the world was up with Stan?
I guessed I'd just have to wait until the weekend and see.

"Well, if he insists.  But now I'm really intrigued.  Will I
still see you tomorrow?"

"Sure will.  And Timmy?"

"Yes, love?"

"Thanks."


                   *          *          *


                            TREY:

I waited up for Chaz that evening.  I wanted to confront him
about the letter, but when he hadn't come home by 1:00 A.M.,
I gave up and went to bed.  The next morning, I knew he had
been there because there were dirty dishes in the sink that
hadn't been there the night before.  He hadn't bothered to
put them in the dishwasher.  But he was up and gone.

When I got home late that afternoon after tennis practice,
Chaz was in the kitchen.  He looked haggard.

"Trey, dude," he said.  "I've ordered a couple of large
pizzas.  I'm fuckin' starvin'."

`Uh, oh,' I thought.  Chaz gets really hungry when he's
unhappy.  I wondered if it was just what he was talking
about in that letter, or whether something else was wrong.

Sitting down at the table, I said, "OK, Chaz, you can't fool
your buddy.  What's wrong?"

"Jen has dumped me!"

"What happened?"

"Well, I forgot to call her and postpone our date Saturday
night.  I meant to, but I was so worried about Mead's
payback, I forgot all about it.  So Jen's pissed that I
stood her up.  Then she says all I wanted from her was sex,
that I wasn't `sensitive' enough.  Besides, she says I've
been acting weird lately."

"Weird how?"

"That's what I wanted to know.  She said I was moody, no
fun."

"Well, hoss, there's some truth in that.  I've noticed it,
too."

"Don't go there, Tiger," Chaz said.  "I've got enough to
deal with."

"OK, babe.  About Jen, you think she means it?"

"Oh, yeah, dude.  She made that clear."

I figured this would be a really bad time to bring up the
letter, so I kept quiet about it for the moment. The pizza
dude came.  I gave Chaz my share for the pizza and the tip.
He went to the door.  I heard him talking with the guy
briefly, and he came back with two boxes.

I've never seen anybody who could eat as much as Chaz,
especially when he's upset.  If I ate like that, they'd have
to roll me onto the court.  He ate a pizza and a half while
I ate the remaining half.  I had a Heineken's.  He had two.

When we were finished, he reached in the fridge and grabbed
an apple, burped, and began to gather up the pizza boxes,
napkins, beer cans, etc. I jumped up to help, but he said,
"Relax, man.  I got it."

Then we sat together at the table while he ate his apple.

When he had put the core down the disposer, I asked, "Chaz,
how big a deal is it that Jen ditched you?  Did you really
care for her?"

"She's OK."

"Just OK?  Then why are you so upset?"

"Look, man.  Women don't dump me.  I dump them."

"So it's more that your pride has been hurt than you being
really sorry about losing her?"

"When you put it like that, I'm not sure.  I can always find
another woman.  That's never a problem.  But Jen was sort of
special."

"Well, maybe there's still hope for you two.  Have you
thought about apologizing?" I asked.

He looked suspiciously at me.  "Again?  I already did that -
for standing her up."

"How about for taking her for granted, for seeming to care
only about the sex?"

"Fuck it, man.  I don't know.  I'm so confused."

"Chaz, is anything else bothering you?"

Again, he looked suspicious.  "No.  Why?"

"You're my best friend, man.  I can read you pretty well."

He continued to look warily at me.  "Yeah?"

"Yeah.  Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

`Well,' I thought, `here goes.'

"Hang on a sec," I said.  `There's no time like the
present,` I thought.  Despite my earlier reservations, I
went into my room and brought back the letter.  When I came
back, I said to Chaz, "I found this in your room yesterday."

"So that's where it went."  Apparent relief.  Then
suspicion:  "What were you doing in my room?"

"Chill, man.  A pair of your boxers got in the towel load,
and I put them on your bed."

"Oh, yeah.  I found them.  Thanks."  His face softened for a
moment.  "Jen gave me those."

Then:  "You read the letter!  That's why you're asking those
questions!"

"Well, yeah, Chaz.  I'm really worried about what you said
there.  Can we talk about it?"

"Man, you had NO RIGHT to read that letter.  Son of a bitch!
That's MY business.  Some friend you are!"

With that, he got up and stormed out.

I didn't know whether to go after him or not.  I decided not
to, thinking he'd probably be even angrier with me if I did.

I studied for a couple of hours.  Since Chaz hadn't come
back, I went down the hall and knocked on the door at Ced
and Mark's.  Mark opened the door and invited me in.  He
told me that Ced was at Tim's but that he was ready for a
break and offered me a beer.  That sounded good, so I
flopped down on the sofa while he went to the kitchen.

Mark came back with a couple of Coronas, a dish of salsa,
and some corn chips.  He put them on the coffee table.

"What's up, Trey?  You don't look so good!"

Here was a problem.  Markie is my friend, but Chaz is my
best friend.  How much should I tell Mark?  I decided not to
tell him about the letter or its contents until Chaz and I
could talk about it.

I dug into the salsa and chips.  It had been hours since I
shared the pizza with Chaz.

"I'm worried about Chaz.  He's been kind of freaky lately,
and I don't know what it is.  You know Jen dumped him?"

"No, what happened?"

"He says she was pissed because he stood her up the night of
his payback."

"And she broke off with him over that?"

"Oh, she had some other issues, too.  She said he had been
acting `weird,' as she put it, and, you know, Mark, he
really has been pretty moody ever since the whole thing with
Tim."  I decided that was about as much as I could say.

"Have you talked with him about all this?"

"I tried, man, but he just got mad and left."

"Well, you know Chaz better than anybody.  Don't you think
he'll get it out of his system and then be all right?"

"I sure hope so."

"If Ced or I can help, you know we're here, buddy."

"Yeah, I appreciate that, thanks."

Mark got a twinkle in his eye and asked, "So what did you
tell the guys on the tennis team about the pubes?"

"Oh, I'm glad you asked that.  Chaz and I cooked up a story.
We told everybody that we had lost a bet to you and Ced.  We
told them we had a bet on whether the Indians would have a
winning record in their spring training games in Florida.
They didn't.  We lost.  Everybody seemed to accept that."

Mark smiled.  "I'll remember that and tell Ced so we'll have
the story ready in case anyone asks.  You guys should have
known better than to bet against your baseball-playing
buddies."  He winked at me and continued, "I'll bet you took
some ribbing about the pubes, though."

"Bigtime.  There were a lot of smart-assed remarks from the
tennis team.  Basketball season's over, so I think Chaz just
had to explain to some of his buddies at the gym one day.
After that, he just stayed away."

"I assume they're growing back?"

"Yeah, they're about a half inch long, they still lay flat
against the skin, and it itches like crazy.  But in another
week, the itchy part should be past."

"Trey, can I ask you something?"

"Do you even need to ask, bro?"

"Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather when
Ced told me about your talk after class the other day.  You
are the last person I would ever have thought was gay.  How
long have you known?"

"Since puberty, I guess.  But with me, I got a hardon
looking at girls or boys.  Still do.  There weren't any
other kids my age near where we lived.  I went to Richmond
Country Day.  Saw guys in the showers after phys. ed.  Later
I saw my buddies on the tennis team in the showers.  Came
home and beat off every night thinking about them.  Are you
sure you want to hear all this?"

"If you don't mind telling me."

"Actually, Mark, it's good to be able to talk about it.  On
a field trip once in tenth grade I shared a room with a guy
I didn't know very well.  As soon as we were in bed, he came
over and without even asking, pulled my briefs down and
began to suck me.  Before it was over, we were sixty-nining.
He and I never had a chance to be together again, but that
one experience was enough to take away any doubts I had.
Forgive me, straight buddy, but I wanted to suck guys' cocks
and get mine sucked - and never again had the chance."

"When did you start dating girls?"

"Right away.  You know, that's part of the lifestyle.  And I
have to tell you, I think the word for me is `bi,' because I
enjoy straight sex as much as the next guy."

"And you've been closeted all your life?"

"Yup, except for Bruce, my sixty-nine partner in the hotel
room that night."

"Has that been hard?"

I smiled and said, "Constantly."

He threw a sofa pillow at me and said, "You KNOW what I
meant, smartass!"

"Yeah, Mark, it's been tough.  As I said, I enjoy the
ladies.  But being tight with you three has had its
temptations.  My big buddy Chaz with his big old dong keeps
me hard most of the time, and he doesn't even know it.  Ced
gives me a hard-on.  YOU give me a hard-on.  You remember
what Ced told us about you the night of the lily episode,
don't you."

Mark blushed and nodded.

"Well, studly, it's been the same way for me."

"Trey, why didn't you talk to someone about it?  You know
you could have come to me.  You and Chaz are pretty tight.
And I think Ced would have been really helpful and
supportive if you had talked it over with him."

"I could kick myself now for not doing it.  I have this
image on campus.  I think I had an image with you guys.  I
didn't really want to lose that, and I sure as hell don't
want to come out to the whole university.  But it does feel
good that you guys know."

Mark said, "If I get too nosy, say so."

"No, Markie, like I said.  It feels good to talk with a
friend about all of this."

He went and got us each another Corona.  When he got back,
he asked, "Was it Tim's class that triggered all of this?"

"Yeah.  I had things under control.  I've had them pretty
much that way since the episode with Bruce.  But then Ced
talked me into taking this class with him, and it was great
from the beginning.  I loved the things we were reading.
That stuff is much more interesting than the marketing
courses I'm taking.  And Tim was so cool."

Mark waited for me to explain.

"Well, I was impressed with the way the little guy had such
total control while he managed to encourage everybody to
speak up about the readings.  It was fascinating to watch
him seem to let the discussion go wherever it wanted to
while he was really steering it.  Ced and I knew what he was
doing, but I don't know how many others did.
And, you know, he never made anybody feel stupid for
something they had said.  He's patient, he's encouraging.
And he is absolutely in charge in that classroom.  I'm
really sorry I ever came up with that `Iceman' thing.  That
makes him sound cold and indifferent, and he's not really
that way at all."

"Right. He doesn't seem that way to me, either, now that
I've seen him with Ced.  But look at the way he made all of
us realize what we had done wrong.  There's a touch of ice -
or maybe steel - in the little guy.  But none of that,
Tiger, is what I was asking about."

"What, then?"

"I was thinking about the physical attraction.  In that
thing you wrote, you made it pretty clear that you really
had feelings for him."

"Oh, did I ever!  He's such a hot little bastard.  I
couldn't help throwing a freakin' woodie almost every day in
class.  I just wanted to grab him every time I saw him.
Then, after a couple of weeks, Ced told me he had had this
big crush on Tim since the beginning of the term.  What was
I supposed to do?  I couldn't see any way I was ever going
to connect with Dr. Timothy Mead anyway, and then one of my
best friends tells me he's in love with him.  So I just
backed off."

Mark nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Mark, when Chaz came up with the idea of getting revenge on
Tim for Ced's F, I jumped at it.  And I loved being able to
sit there and rub that hard little dick of his and have an
excuse for doing it.  I thought I was going to come when he
jizzed his pants.  And our circle jerk was one of the most
exciting things I had ever done up to that point.  Here I
was jacking off with two of my best buds, and there was this
hot little guy, lying there, still panting while we sprayed
him with spooge."

"Trey, man, I have to tell you the only way I got through
that scene was to tell myself, `you're doing this for Ced,
you're doing this for Ced.'  I felt so sorry for Tim."

"Oh, Mark, so did I.  When we were finished, I just wanted
to pick him up, clean him off, and hug him forever."

"Well, I didn't exactly feel like that, but I did feel bad
about what we had done to him, especially after he said he
hadn't gotten the memo from the dean."

"We should have called it all off right then."

"Yes, we should have.  But it hasn't been all bad.  Ced has
connected with Tim, and they both seem to be happy.  And I
liked what Tim said the other night about our
`brotherhood'."

"Yeah, well, Chaz may not be too comfortable with the
brotherhood.  I think that may be part of what's got him so
moody lately."

"Trey, do you think finding out his best friend is - what?
bi? -- may have had anything to do with Chaz's feelings?
You never told him, did you, before all of this came about?"

"You're right, man.  Chaz is so straight, not as laid back
as you.  I never wanted him to have any suspicions about me.
He obviously picked up on how much I was enjoying fucking
Tim that night.  And then, even though I tried to pretend I
didn't want it and didn't like it, I think he knew I really
was enjoying it when Tim did me.  Of course, Tim asked my
permission first.  He said he would never expect me to let
him do that against my will.  But, man, I was pretty excited
at the thought."

Again, Mark nodded, expecting me to continue.

"And it was great.  Hurt a little, but then I expected
that."  Mark began to look uncomfortable, so I knew to get
off that topic.  "And then the night of YOUR payback I made
it clear that I had enjoyed getting it on with Tim, and we
showed Chaz my `Iceman' story.  Voila.  I was out to my best
buddy."

"So, you have a macho near-homophobe for a best friend, and
you're wondering why he's - confused.  Maybe he feels
betrayed.  I think you two need to have some long talks,
Trey."

"Jeez, Mark, you're right.  Why wouldn't he be upset with
me?  I guess I've been so wrapped up in what has been
happening to me that I've neglected Chaz.  If the big guy
ever comes home, I'll apologize and see if we can find out
what's on his mind."

After that, we watched t.v. for a while, and then Ced came
in.  It was pretty late, so, after chatting with him for a
few minutes, I thanked Mark for the beers and the advice and
went back to our apartment.  I brushed my teeth and went to
bed.  There was no point waiting up for Chaz.  Since the
basketball season was over and he had no curfew, in his
current state of mind there was no telling when he'd be
back.

Normally I sleep like a log, but that night I slept lightly.
I heard Chaz come in about 3:00.  For all his bluster, he's
a pretty considerate guy. He closed the front door quietly.
I couldn't hear him walking because of the carpet, but I did
hear him go into the bathroom and stay in there for a while.
Then he went to his room and shut the door softly.  Knowing
that the big guy was at least safely home, I was able to
sleep until the alarm woke me the next morning.

After showering and dressing, I drank some o.j. from the
container, grabbed a donut, and went down the hall, where I
tapped on the door of my friends.  Ced slipped out, smiling
his brilliant smile.  I don't know how anybody can be that
damned cheerful at 8:45 in the morning.  I had to admit,
though, that I was looking forward to Tim's lit. class.

I didn't see Chaz until that evening.


                   *          *          *


                           CEDRIC:


I wonder if Markie knows something I don't know.  He doesn't
want to see me get hurt, he says.  He wonders why Tim hasn't
gotten around to breaking his engagement with Amy.  I know
Tim hasn't had much time since all this happened.  I suppose
he's waiting for the right time.  Maybe he's putting it off
because he's afraid she'll be hurt.  Or angry.  Most likely
both.  Yet Mark more or less implied that maybe Tim didn't
love me as much as he says he does?  I can't believe that!

Our sex is fantastic!  The sweet little guy also shows me by
his body language that he cares for me.  And, prof that he
is, he tells me in words - such beautiful words sometimes.

You know, though, I wish I knew just what Tim feels about
Trey.  I know Trey has feelings for Tim.  More than just the
hots.  Trey was really decent when he sort of backed out and
left Tim to me.  He's such a great guy.  But Timmy enjoyed
fucking Trey, even if he tried not to show it.  Hid his
feelings for my sake, he says.  He even admits it was a lot
better than he thought it would be when Trey did him.  Fuck!
If I hadn't been in Cleveland that weekend, none of that
would have happened to Tim.  But then, I suppose, I wouldn't
have him, either.

And another thing.  He really responded to me in a hurry
that Sunday morning when I showed up at his place with the
disk, resolved to take a huge risk and let him know how I
feel about him.  I'm damn glad he did.  That was what I was
desperately hoping he would do.  So why am I worried?  You
can't have it both ways, Ced!  He says there's never been
another guy before. He wouldn't lie about that, would he?
Of course not!  But even if he never had a lover before, I
can't help wondering if he would jump in bed that quickly
with some other guy who really came on to him in a big way.

I suppose it's too early to worry about it now.  But should
I stay here for law school so I can be with Tim instead of
going to some place a lot better?  And would I be doing that
to be with him, or just to keep an eye on him?

Thanks a lot, Mark.  Or should I say Iago?  That's not fair.
I know Markie was really thinking about my best interests
when he said that.  Anyway, I'm not going to be like poor
dumb Othello.  Love means trust.  And I am going to go right
on trusting my sexy little lover.

(Happy holidays, everyone!  I'll post chapter 9 early in the
new year.  --Tim)