Date: Wed, 28 Mar 2007 13:06:51 -0700 (PDT)
From: MASTER bndmaster13 <bndmaster13@yahoo.com>
Subject: "I Had No Idea" - Part 24

                   "I Had No Idea" - Part 24
                   BY - BNDMaster13@yahoo.com

All rights reserved. Other than downloading one copy for personal
enjoyment, no part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted by any
means, except for reviews, without the written permission of the
author. Comments on the story are appreciated and may be addressed to the
author, BNDMaster13@yahoo.com. This story contains descriptions of
consensual sexual contact between adult males. As such it is homoerotic,
designed for the entertainment of mature adults. If you are not of legal
age to read such material, or if the subject matter would create
     unresolvable personal moral dilemmas, please exit now.

    I got a very interesting response to Alex's last journal entry. One
e-mail requested to hear more about Alex when he is left alone. It seems
that someone out there actually enjoys reading about how Alex
thinks. Usually, as I think most readers know, I attempt to edit out a lot
of Alex's wanderings. However, this time I have decided to indulge anyone
out there who desires more of Alex's thoughts. I am going to simply let him
talk, so to speak. I have picked a particular journal entry that I
enjoyed. Hopefully, you the reader will enjoy it also. Obviously, this time
I am not going to get to do as much writing as last time. Personally, I am
just a little disappointed. I enjoyed it so much. But for all you faithful
Alex fans, let me turn this over to him. The only thing I am going to do is
rearrange the order of this from the way he originally wrote it:

    God, sometimes my life gets lonely! As I sit here, I really wonder if
someone reading my story really understands that concept. If I know Rick,
he posts scenes with lots of action. But never really anything to express
just how much time I spend totally by myself. Well, I really can't say
totally by myself. I always have my hormones to keep me company. I know I
have told you about my cb3000. For the most part Rick keeps me locked in it
when he isn't home. Those are the days when I am allowed a limited amount
of freedom in my movements. But about a third of the time I am tied tightly
with no movement at all. Those days, I don't have the restriction of my
cock being locked away. Oh no, those days, Rick leaves my cock
free. Instead of the cage keeping me from getting hard, my cock spends the
entire day hard, but totally out of my reach.

    You see what keeps me company is my thoughts. I relive every session
Rick and I have ever had, while I sit there all alone. I fantasize over
what new tortures he will dream up to inflict on me. I even dream about
Rick torturing Jose. Because, quite honestly, it turns me on to watch Rick
abuse Jose. When I have my cb3000 locked securely in place, all my dick can
do is strain against it's plastic prison. I will admit it hurts, but I like
it, the pain keeps me sane. When the pain of my attempted erection gets to
bad, it forces me to think of something else. My cock slowly settles down,
the pain goes away, and time passes. This works for awhile, but then, as
always my mind slowly drifts back to Rick, my cock starts trying to get
hard and the process starts all over again.

   On the other hand, when my cock isn't locked away I stay hard all
day. The harder I get the hornier I get. The hornier I get the more my mind
will only focus on Rick. At the outset I can marshal my thoughts and settle
my cock down a bit. But eventually it becomes impossible. Soon all I can do
is think about my cock. How hard it is. How badly I need to cum. How turned
on Rick makes me. How hot I am for him. How badly I want his hands on
me. How much I want him to torture me. How badly I need to see him getting
turned on by abusing me. To see his gloriously hard cock waiting for me to
service it. But I can't see him! He isn't torturing me! I am all by myself!
Yet he is torturing me, because all I can see is my hard cock throbbing
uselessly between my legs. What earthly good does it serve? If only I could
stroke it, just touch it. It has been so long. So many months since I
touched myself. I find myself wanting so badly to cum.  Then my ass will
start twitching and I realize that what I really want is Rick. I want him
in me. I don't even care if he just stuffs my ass with a plug. I don't care
if he hurts me. I just want him using my ass. Then my tits will get so
sensitive that just the air on them sends quivers through my body. I want
Rick's hands touching them. I even crave clamps on them if it makes him
happy. All I want is Rick. I don't care what way. I just need Rick. I need
to serve him. I need to worship him. I NEED to be used by him. My ass, my
mouth, my tits, my entire body, they belong to him and I NEED him to use
me. He can whip me. He can torture me. I don't care. I just NEED him! But
even with this realization, all it does it make my cock harder which in
turn starts the train of thought all over again. I realize that I am only
fulfilled, only really happy when I am being used by Rick. My only purpose
is to serve him. I love him, I need him. Time slowly drags by as I sit
there in a perpetual loop of raging thoughts and hormones. Those are the
days I want to beg him to lock my cock away and never release it. But I
know he will never do that. He enjoys far to much, making me suffer, and he
will use any and every means at his disposal to make that happen.

    God, just trying to type this I start losing control. My cock is trying
to get hard, but thankfully today is a cb3000 day. If it wasn't I would
never be able to write and you would never be able to learn about my
suffering. In turn I know that would make Rick mad. He enjoys hurting
me. He gets turned on by it. But I think, anymore, he gets just as much
pleasure in reading what I have written and then sharing it with others. I
think he actually gets off on people knowing what a sadistic bastard he
is. Well, that, and as Rick puts it, "I own Alex and they don't. They can
only look on in envy. He is all mine and I am not going to share him."

    I have got to stop Alex here for just a minute. I know I said I would
just let him ramble, but is anyone tired of it yet? Isn't what he just
described, the whole point to a Master / slave relationship? The Master
uses the slave. The slave belongs to the Master. It isn't about the slave's
needs, it's about the Master's. In learning to concentrate on the Master
and put him first the slave has all it's needs fulfilled. Because being a
real slave, not just a pretend one, means that it needs to serve and be
used. It isn't just some game. The slave requires it to be happy.  However,
to be a true Master it doesn't mean that you just take this all for granted
and abuse your slave. No, this is a life that has been given to you. Yes,
you get pleasure from using it, but you know it has needs and wants. You
have to learn to know the slave better than it knows itself. You have to
learn to play those needs and wants to always bring out the best in your
slave. Always pushing and expanding, yet never taking it to far. People
look at the relationship and see how hard it is on a slave. Yes, physically
it can be hard if what your boy needs is pain and discipline, but it is
much harder to be a Master. The Master must be the one to take his slave
where he needs to go to be fulfilled.

    I know, what the hell am I talking about. Let me see if I can
illustrate it with a couple things that have happened with Alex and
I. First, has anyone ever noticed that Alex doesn't have a tattoo? I, as
his Master want very much for him to have a tattoo on his ass that says,
"Property of Master Rick." Why doesn't Alex? Because he is deathly afraid
of needles. Yes, if I ordered him to do it, he would. But it would scare
him silly. One day he will come to me and ask to be tattooed. When he does
I will know that he has overcome his fear. This doesn't mean I don't ever
force him to do things. You have all read how he hates to be used by other
guys and yet I forced him to do it. But with a needle he gets physically
sick and faints. So I know his limits and I know when and where to push
them.

    The other example is the first time I used a butt plug on him. I had
read how having a slave wear a butt plug took away their last but of
privacy. A person's asshole is their most personal spot. A slave might
regularly take their Master's dick up their ass, but being made to wear a
butt plug, permanently violating their hole, was different. Well I bought
one and started making Alex wear it all the time. He was still in high
school then. The first day I lubed up his hole and shoved it in he actually
cried and begged me to take it out. I didn't. In fact I forced him to wear
it non stop for a full week. Except of course for shitting and my fucking
him. I refused to talk to him about it, despite his best efforts, until the
end of the week. Then I tied him down and slowly tortured what he was
feeling out of him. He had felt exactly what I had wanted him to. When I
had slid the plug in he had felt totally open, exposed, and vulnerable to
me. I had taken every last private thing he had and laid it exposed. Alex
has always been rather private. I had wanted to take away his privacy from
me. He was already mine and I was going to fully control him. He actually
thanked me because it helped him make the next step he needed to make in
our relationship. In that instance, for his growth as my slave, this had to
happen. That is what I mean by the hard work of being a Master. You have to
know when you must force your slave, because it is what he needs and when
to let the slave learn it on their own. Sometimes it really is a balancing
act. But one that makes being a Master worthwhile.

    Good grief, here I am talking about Alex going on and on and what do I
do. Let me get down off my soap box and get back to our story. Alex has
just finished describing what his mind goes through when he is alone. Now
he is going to take you back to the day before and describe the scene that
precipitated this journal entry:

    When Jose had finished my morning bathroom routine he returned me to
the playroom where Rick was waiting. Jose was just about ready to leave for
work and Rick had morning classes.  That meant it was time for Rick to get
me ready for the day. I never knew what he would do until the last
minute. Sometimes, he would simply leave my hands cuffed behind me and lock
my collar to a chain set into the floor. Other than that I would be
free. Those were the days that he usually would let me type. Today, I
already knew, would not be one of those days. Rick had woken up in a bad
mood. He had a major test this morning that he was not looking forward to.
He had already gotten Jose ready for work. He had fitted Jose out with the
most uncomfortable things he could find. He had used the largest butt plug
Jose could wear all day, the most severe cock and ball harness he could
wear under his clothes, and he had forced him to wear the t-shirt Rick made
that had velcro strips at the tit level. With the hard velcro rubbing
Jose's tits raw all day, the straps of the harness digging into his hard
cock, and the huge plug filling his ass he was in for a miserable day. As I
had watched this, I knew, I too would not be enjoying my day.

    When Jose and I walked into the room Rick ordered me over in front of
him. I went quickly, not wanting to piss him off anymore than he already
was. I stood at attention in front of him. My head looking at the floor,
chest out, stomach in, crotch pushed forward, and legs spread allowing my
cock and balls to hang free between my legs. Rick grabbed my balls,
inspecting to make sure Jose had washed me to his specifications. When he
was happy he let my balls drop and slapped my cock which had gotten hard
from his touching my balls. "I'm not in the mood for this today boy. Your
cock doesn't interest me in the least. But maybe we can make it interest
you," Rick said, giving me a sadistic look.

    I knew right then exactly what he was planning. About a third of the
time he ties me up so my cock is loose. That, in turn, let's it stay hard
all day. Which, in turn, makes me regret the fact that I only get to cum
every fourteen days all the more.

    Rick pulled me over to the toy shelf and started by putting a cock and
ball harness on me. It would help keep my cock hard all day. Not that my
cock ever needed any help in that regard, when it wasn't locked away in my
cb3000. Next he pulled my cuffed hands up and locked them to my
collar. This, as always, succeeded in pushing my chest out. I don't know
why but when ever Rick does this it makes my tits just that more
sensitive. Don't get me wrong, my tits are always sensitive, but when my
chest is thrust, out even the slightest breeze can send chills through
me. Especially when my cock is hard. Which, with the, harness was probably
going to be most of the day.

    Rick then moved me out to the middle of the room. He sat me on the
floor and clipped my ball harness to a ring in the floor. This would keep
me sitting right where Rick had put me until he released it. Next he pulled
my ankles apart and stretched them out to the far walls. This ensured that
I couldn't bring my legs together and rub my dick on my thighs. After that
he attached my collar to a rope coming down from the ceiling and tied it
off. This kept me sitting in an upright position. I couldn't bend forward,
all I could do was sit there. Rick patted me on the head, then reached down
and started playing with my cock. I was shocked. It wasn't my day to get to
cum.  Rick studiously avoided touching my cock except to torture it any
other time. As he stroked, my cock sprang immediately to attention. He kept
this up until I actually thought he might let me cum. Of course, I should
have known better. He was only doing it as a means to torture me. He
brought me right up to the edge and stopped. He kissed my cheek and said,
"No Alex, you know better than that. I just want you to be in the mood for
what I am going to let you watch on tv today."

    Rick walked away from me toward the television, leaving me sitting
there wishing he would come back and just touch my dick one more time. That
was all it would take. Just one light brush of his hands and I would
cum. But instead he dropped a tape in the vcr and turned the tv on.  What
the hell had he put in there?

    I watched as the picture came on. What I saw was incredible. There was
a bright red ass staring at me from the screen. It looked like someone had
been beating it, the way it was glowing red. The camera panned back and I
saw Rick standing there, naked with a paddle grasped in his hands. As this
happened, the face attached to the red ass turned to look at him and I
realized it was me. It was my face looking at Rick. That meant it was my
ass that was being beaten. My ass that was glowing bright red for the
camera. Rick had taped one of our sessions! He had always said he wanted
to, but I didn't realize that he had ever actually done it. Rick walked
back over to me, looked directly at me, and said, "Alex, this is my gift to
you. I have made a tape of my torturing you over the last few months. All
the best parts are on it. I hope you enjoy watching it for the next few
hours while I am gone. I'm hoping it will keep you nice and hard, just like
if I was here doing it in person."

    With that he walked out. He was off to school to endure his test. I was
left here to endure, God knew how many hours of watching myself being
tortured by Rick.  I really didn't want to watch, as I knew it would turn
me on. There was no way, seeing Rick naked and abusing me, that I wouldn't
get turned on. I tried to ignore it as best I could, but despite my best
efforts my eyes were drawn to the television screen, if not by the scene,
then by the sounds of my screaming. I knew if I watched, I would get turned
on and be forced to sit there with my raging hard on driving me crazy. I
tried valiantly to close my mind to what was happening, but ultimately it
proved fruitless. My eyes were drawn to the screen so I could watch what
Rick was making me suffer.

    By the time I gave in and started watching, Rick was done whipping my
ass. He was instead applying clothes pins to my tits. He started with my
nipples and slowly worked down. As I watched each one being applied I felt
it on my body. First the right nipple then the left. I actually realized I
was flinching back, as each one was set home on the film version of my
body. I heard myself gasp out in pain on the film and then heard myself
doing it again in person in response to the movie. It was crazy, some how
watching the scene I was reliving it all over again in my mind.  My cock
throbbed like crazy. Watching myself getting tortured by Rick was turning
me on, it was driving me crazy. Just watching him doing it made me crave to
have him here really doing it to me. I wanted so badly to have Rick setting
those pins on me, rather than seeing him do it. I tried to slow my mind and
calm myself down, but it wasn't working. Watching myself suffering at
Rick's hands was almost as incredible a turn on as having him actually
doing it.

    Thankfully, the image on the screen changed. He was no longer applying
clothes pins to my body. He was just looking at my naked body and doing
nothing. I tried to catch my breath and get control. But before I could,
the scene changed. Now, once again Rick was torturing me. He was once again
beating me. This time he had a small penis whip and was slowly and
methodically whipping, first my cock and then my balls. As I watched, I
remembered the session and how badly it had hurt. He would hit me a couple
times, then quit and gently roll my balls in his hand, then hit me again
just when the pain had finally ebbed. It was incredible remembering how
badly it hurt and watching myself suffering through it on the television. I
watched as the whipping ended and Rick's hands slowly traced my body from
my tits to my balls. I watched as he loving stroked them. I felt my body,
just watching the scene, trying to respond to his actions being carried out
before my eyes. My tits ached for his touch. My cock and balls actually
ached for him to be whipping them. I watched as the whip was once again
applied and craved beyond belief to have Rick actually hitting me rather
than being forced to watched this. All through this my cock throbbed
violently, desperate to cum, but denied the blessed relief I so badly
needed. As I watched, it struck me. Rick knew how to torture me even when
he wasn't there actually doing it.  Right now the torture was NOT having
him use me, when I wanted it so badly. God, he really was a sadistic
bastard. But I also realized just how turned on I was and how much I was
enjoying it. I am the masochistic bastard that NEEDS him! We are perfect
for each other. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.

    I know you would just love to have Alex continue on , but tough shit!
You see I really am a sadistic bastard! I want to make you, the reader,
suffer just as much as Alex. Needless, to say Alex did not get to cum. He
sat there for over four solid hours while I took, and passed my test, rock
hard staring at the screen. When I got home he was desperate for me. He
literally begged me to use him. I happily obliged. I beat his ass until it
was hot enough to cook on, then I fucked him silly. Then I beat his ass
again and fucked his mouth until his throat was raw. By the time I was done
I had taken out all my frustrations. Alex, on the other hand was still
frustrated if his hard cock had anything to say about it. But then if I
were to have asked him he would have told me he was totally fulfilled and
happy because I had just used him the way he craved to be used. Alex
fulfilment comes from making me happy.

    As always if you have comments, requests, or ideas e-mail me at
BNDMaster13@yahoo.com.  If the e-mail is for Alex I might pass it on to him
and I might not. But just knowing people care seems to make my slave happy.