Date: Wed, 1 Dec 2004 18:17:23 -0800 (PST)
From: Jake K <sublawyer1965@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Real Me Part 5

This is a work of fiction. It involves sex between two men, including some
non-consensual acts. If such would offend you, or if reading such is
illegal for you due to location or age, please do not continue.

Please note this is a fantasy -- the characters engage in unsafe sex
practices but in the real world, always use a condom, and make sure in very
rough scenes you establish a "safe word" to stop the game. Always always
make sure both partners are being responsible, and enjoying the scene. All
comments to sublawyer1965@yahoo.com

*****

I woke up at noon, a bit tired and with a still sore ass. I rolled out of
bed, slowly, and made my way to the shower. I stood under the hot water,
letting it wash over me and loosen up my bunched muscles. As I came fully
to my senses, I replayed the previous night in my mind.

There was no denying it happened -- one light brush to my buttcheeks and I
knew it had happened. But what did this mean to me? Was I really going to
flip overnight from being the boss to being a boytoy? And for an 18yo kid,
at that?

I walked down to the kitchen, without putting on clothes. But that had
nothing to do with his orders, I just like to be naked in my own
home. Yeah... sure, Jake.

I went out to the deck, and ate my sandwich. Midway thru it, my mind
focused on the image of Scott in the playroom, standing over me, naked, his
cock spraying piss all over me -- and my own cock leapt to attention.
Remembering how he spoke to me, treating me like a slut for his
amusement... I could not help it, it got to me.

But that just meant I liked it both ways right? I mean, I was good at being
a top, and I enjoyed it, a fucking LOT! So this just meant I could enjoy
being a sub too. That was fine, I could deal with that I suppose -- keep it
quiet at the bar, of course, no need to advertise. But having Scott come
knock me down some would be okay, just had to control it. No need to go
beyond part-time at best.

Even as I said it, I thought back to the library, when he had thrashed me
with his belt. I could have fought back, easily. I am 6ft4in tall, I
weighed 183 pounds at my lat weigh in at the gym. I work out 5 days a week,
and took boxing and karate classes. Hell, I was a purple belt, ready for my
brown belt -- I was not a pushover. Add to that the fact that he was
5ft8in, weighed probably about 145 or 150 lbs (though it was all muscle),
and at 18 probably did not have much experience with fighting -- and it all
amounted to my being able to thrash his ass without trying.

But something in me held me back. Hell, it made me cower from him. He made
me see I was not like him -- I am not a true dominant male. He exuded it,
and he KNEW what he was. He did not ask me things, he did not find out how
I felt -- he just did what he wanted and made me go along. When I tried to
argue with him, he simply punished me -- no bargaining, no questioning,
just putting me in my place. And I accepted it -- no, looking back I
realize I needed it.

I decided I needed to work out some of my thoughts of where I had come
from, so I could decide where I was going to end up. And I decided to kill
two birds with one stone, and write down all my thoughts in email for Scott
-- I might not end up agreeing to be his bitch, but at least until I
decided I could string him along, right? So here is what I told him in that
email: ###

Scott --

You wanted to know what I thought about this, so I am going to write it
down. I am starting at the beginning, and going to work my way
forward. Please understand I am going to end up referring to you in third
person -- this is not to be disrespectful -- I just need to put this down
and not going to edit the mental narrative, and I am still working out
where I can go with this. Here goes...

In high school, I had come out to myself with some difficulty. I grew up in
a smaller town that was very southern -- read, prejudiced against anything
new or different. You did not admit to being gay unless you wanted your ass
kicked over and over again. I was not stupid enough to be open, but I did
find a few guys like me, and we messed around. But I never -- and I mean
never -- even thought of being the bottom. I sucked dick -- even in my
warped view on it, I thought sucking dick was not too queer, not as much so
as taking it up the ass. I felt the need to prove I was a man even though I
was fucking around with the captain of the soccer team. And I did not care
that he might want to prove his own manhood -- we did it my way or we did
nothing.

That was the beginning of my interest in domination and submission. I
started out the boss, and it just grew from there. Even at 17, I found my
way into bars and such, where men quietly hung out with other like minded
men. At first it was hard to get them to accept me as anything but a mascot
or another boy to play with, but the night I decided to fuck the gay police
officer who hung out there, and to make him get on his knees to ask me to
do it, that was the night I both joined their club and decided this was the
game for me.

Throughout college, I worked hard on classes, and I hid my identity out of
fear. But I kept my learning curve up on being a leather man. I bought
magazines, I saw movies, and I got toys -- man did I get toys. My
collection today seems large, but the funny thing is I had most of it by
the time I left for law school. And I fucked men, all the time. But looking
back, I can now see it through different eyes, thru the eyes Scott opened
for me.

All along, I was concerned with making the other guys happy. I might be the
boss, but I was trying to please them. And I never really took on guys who
stood up to me, not after the cop -- he was the one time I truly took down
a man who was more dominant then me, and that was solely on basis of being
taller then him, and looking back, probably I was the more desperate to
prove myself. After him, I stuck to guys who simply saw a 6ft4 guy and
assumed I was their leader.

But it always annoyed me thru college and law school, then on with work,
that I was being called upon to make choices all the time -- not just
sexually, but socially and professionally. I set myself to be the leader,
but I was never comfortable with telling people what to do. It got so
tiring, showing people what to do or deciding how to handle their
problems. Until last night, I played it off as simply being annoyed that
people were not like me, not able to stand up and say "THIS is what I
think, so fuck off."

I graduated from my college near the top of my class, and I got into a top
tier law school. I worked my ass off -- I could not stand to be less then
the best. And I always wanted people to acknowledge me for that -- I needed
their approval, though at the time I thought of it as getting my due
recognition. I finished law school as the number one student, and I had
offers from all over the southeast, and a few from other areas as well,
though it never occurred to me to leave the region in which I had grown
up. I settled on a large firm in the same city as the school, but one that
had offices in five of the neighboring states as well -- it was a major
player in the field.

I had a few friends through college and law school, guys I thought of as my
equals. Arrogant, tough, assertive -- exactly what I thought I was. But now
I can admit that though I fit in with them, I was never the leader I always
saw myself as being. Now I can see I was attracted to those guys for their
decisiveness and their energy -- not sexually, perhaps (though a couple of
them were fucking studs), but attracted to their leadership, and that I
could hide my following their lead within the cloak of the "collective
decisions" we all made. I never fucked any of them -- I always said I
wanted to keep friendships away from playmates, but I also was never sure I
would be the boss with them, so I avoided risking my carefully built
self-image.

My whole life I have been athletic, and I loved that I had a great body. At
age 17 I already had hair across my pecs, and my dick was my pride and joy
-- at 8 inches long and almost 6 around (my Beer Can, I used to call it
until that got too childish), it always made the guys I fucked whimper in
pain and pleasure.

I got into spanking early, of course, but it led to rougher stuff -- tit
play, cock and ball abuse, verbal abuse, name it I tried it. I was always
searching for new ways to show *I* was the man. I did some stuff in college
I would never do again, things I look back on now and just grosses me out
that I even did it -- all I can say is alcohol made me stupid at times,
which is not an excuse just what let me go in directions I normally would
not.

I found the idea of dog-training a guy fun as hell -- turning a macho stud
into a pet was fun, and I loved to humiliate him like that, making him
bark, collaring him, one guy I even chained up to a pole out back of the
cabin I rented. Left him there for half a day. When I got back, he was
furious, but when I puffed out my chest and acted tough, slapping his ass
and telling to stop whining, he folded -- and ended up begging me to fuck
him. I did, and took some pics of him sucking my cock, then tossed him out
the door. Never spoke to him again.

I loved to suck cock, though, which confused some of the guys. I would tie
them down, get them all ready to be rammed by my dick, then I would go down
on them instead. But only when they were restrained -- it was my choice to
do it then, see -- they had to lay there and let me do it (like most guys
would refuse a blow job, anyway -- man I was stupid). And when I discovered
the joys of water-sports, I loved to lick the piss off their chests when I
was done -- tasting my own piss. But the one time a guy, who saw me getting
into cleaning him up, said he wanted to piss on me, I whipped his ass until
he cried, and made him beg me in front of a friend of his to fuck
him. Again, when I was done, I tossed him aside, but it worked out for him
-- his friend ended up claiming him as his bitch, and they are still
together to this day.

Once I started at the firm, I quickly made a name as a risk-taker and a
hot-shot up and comer. I quickly earned jobs working on contracts for some
of our bigger clients, under the supervision of one of the senior
partners. Lucky for me, it was a woman, since it made sure I never took the
sexual path -- even in work, I know I would have tried to show power if it
had been a man. I did fuck several of the other associates, and kept them
in line, often thru sheer intimidation. One guy regularly comes into my
office, closes the door and drops to his knees. He crawls to me and undoes
my pants, fishes my cock out, and drinks down my piss. What he really wants
is for me to cum in his mouth, but I do that rarely -- instead I use him
for a urinal then make him jack off and cum in his shoes, so he walks
around with the feel of wet cum in his shoe all day.

Not sure what being a bitch to Scott means to all this, but I know I need
to figure it out, and fast. So that gets me to the beginning of things, and
I am going to end this email here. I will work on figuring out what else I
am thinking starting with tomorrow's email, and I hope this is what you
were wanting.

J

###

I sent it off at about 7 PM, and around 9 PM this is what I got in
response:

###

Boy --

First of all, you are going to be punished for addressing me as anything
but sir or master -- and no whining, you knew the rules, no matter your
reasoning. Second, I did enjoy getting a glimpse into where you came from
and where you went so wrong -- and I notice thru this you admitted a few
times you know it was not quite right.

But now, what do you think about it -- knowing you are now my bitch?

###

When I read his question, all I could think was -- oh fuck...

*****

Many of you have expressed some ideas of where you want this to go, and how
you want the characters to develop. I appreciate the ideas, and some of
them fit perfectly with where I am seeing this going. The hardest thing is
ideas for Jake, since Jake is me -- and I cannot change certain things. But
I am trying because I know this is fiction, so patience and I will try to
work some of them into this. Also, please keep up the feedback -- I really
am enjoying it, and even getting to email with some of you (particularly
the fellow writers who have written!!!) and I still have about 7 more
chapters planned, so ideas are still welcome.

Jake ( Sublawyer1965@yahoo.com )