Date: Sat, 8 Apr 2017 17:11:47 +0000 (UTC)
From: Ian Wycim <ianwycim@yahoo.com>
Subject: Secretly ('Til Now) Recorded and Transcribed for His Amusement, by ian wycim

Secretly ('Til Now) Recorded and Transcribed for His Amusement, by ian wycim

God, i can't receive any text messages or send any text messages. i'm so
sorry i asked You to use me on Sunday. i won't ever do that again, i swear
to You. i am in a very homophobic area, and i can't give my number. things
like me are bashed and killed here for being faggots. if this means You
have to throw me away, i will have to understand and accept, again, and i
will never bother You again. if You do decide You are finished using me,
thank You so much for not disposing of me sooner...i know i am worthless,
nothing, without Your cum in me. if You still use me, i will be grateful
beyond words and pretty confused (nothing new there). Your worthless faggot
(maybe?), meat

***************

God,

Will You please use me very late tonight, Sunday night, for Your amusement?
i will do all i can to have all my homework finished by then, so if i am
lucky enough for You to use me, then i can empty my brain of all but You. i
so crave Your Masterful abuse, Your absolute understanding of my total
worthlessness except for my role to worship Your complete and utter human
perfection, by amusing You so You can shoot Your babybatter (= my food)
wherever You see fit...if i am lucky, into me, a lot, again and again. i
think about Your cream way up up up deep inside me AND into my skull, and i
fantasize that the two streams -- from skull and cunt -- will meet,
actually touch, for real, in my core, making You my Owner in every way one
person can possibly own another...i've heard of TPE, total power exchange,
but i've never WANTED it with anyone else until now. i picture myself
hearing the doorknob turn every night as You come home so i instantly slide
on my knees across the floor into the position You ordered, with arms
flexed hard and mouth stretched, gaping open with head up, so You can use
me as You see fit, if i am lucky. Your holes present to You in this way
because this is how Your Life is supposed to be, when a Being looks like
You. i present to You in this way because i know what i am, i know my
place, i know my purpose: i exist ONLY 2 receive You, and there is no other
purpose. Each time when You leave again, i will work out more and more so
You are pleased with Your piece of meat enough to continue to use it as
Your receptacle (= my purpose, my life worth living).

Your worthless piece of meat
ian (= meat)

P.S. If You are busy late tonight, then maybe late on another night instead
will please You more? If so, i will totally be Your human cumwipe and/or
punching bag and/or toilet on that night instead.

**********

i hope my disobedience did not displease You....it's just that i was
trained by my only other partner (was also my owner/dormmate for 1 year
before He graduated) to NOT cum until after He was pleased, if permitted at
all. I know if You are willing to not give up on me, i can be retrained, i
swear...so please, i beg You not to throw me away before i can learn to do
what You want when You want as You want, and no other way...i know there
can be no other way, and i know that Your way is all that matters. Could
You maybe put me under again later? I feel so safe when You take me
over...i have no words. i am not playing about this...since You know what i
am thinking, then You know i'm not lying.

*********

use me again to get off?

**********

i was put on Earth only to wash Your ball sac and suck on Your penis for
more and more food. if i am lucky enough 2 receive Your penis way far up,
up so deep in my hole, that's more than i deserve...even though i crave it
constantly.

**********

Are You finished using me, God?

**********

Sir, Do they live with You, Sir? They must want to, unless they are
incredibly stupid! Do You often use 2 or more at 1 time for Your amusement?
Did the guillotine work? I couldn't do that because deep down,  even though
i know for sure i was born to be controlled by Someone like You (can't
believe i just typed that), i'd be way too afraid there is a hidden blade
in it and i would be killed...because You could always just replace me with
another of the countless boycunts who crave You. If ever given the chance,
i would do one thing Your other boycunts did NOT do...i would beg for Your
slaps and thank You for them, too. Earning Your Penis inside them
(anywhere) must have been amazing. You are amazing. i can't work on stuff
for work tomorrow because i can't stop thinking about the total control You
take, and i imagine You fucking me like You OWN me, hard and fast or slow
or whatever You want for Your pleasure...You also know a lot about how to
position boys for Your comfort; it's all so impressive to me. Do You ever
put Your arm around their necks and squeeze so they can feel Your pressure
from Your biceps on their neck? i ask because i admit to fantasizing about
that. i appreciate You explaining how to use the link. Do You ever control
their cum? i fantasize about someone playing me so skillfully that i come
to learn to shoot only when He says the word "cum" with force; i imagine
that takes a long time to know. learn about a person's sounds and stuff
like that. Maybe it's not even possible. Part of me thinks i dreamed of
You, but the other part says You are real because dreams don't send email
messages. Thank You for wasting Your precious time on me.

-your stupid worthless boycunt, ian

**********

feels like end of my world with no contact from You

**********

If I had one wish, I would be one of Your testicles, so (1) I would be
surrounded by Your silky ball sac, (2) I would be near Your Penis at all
times, (3) Your cum would fill me constantly. Please use me to get
off...You are the only one who even tried to control my cum, who
understands what i need to hear, and knows with certainty He is Human
Perfection, deserving of worship.

**********

i need Your Penis so bad. i can't take it anymore. Please i beg You to let
me suck on It until my food shoots out. Please, God. Please............

**********

God, The solution to all my problems is inside Your Penis. i wish i was
there now to worship Your Penis, so You could see in my eyes that It is my
universe. if You allow me to bathe Your Ball Sac with my tongue, then Your
Penis will flap hard against my forehead while i do, and i can fantasize
about Your Penis pumping into my throat or way far deep up up up way far
up, past what I thought was my boycunt. So much warm, sweet, creamy
babybatter, so much semen, worthless to You, a priceless gift to me. -In
total awe, Your stupid worthless piece of meat

**********

Your blithering idiot property here...i just shot for the first time in a
week, thinking only about You pounding into me again and again and again
and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again
and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again
and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again, beads of sweat flying from Your head onto Your biceps as Your head
rocks, grunting and telling me more and more of what i crave to hear, all
while You tower over me, raising Your head...then You suddenly close your
eyes, open Your mouth, lick Your lips as U tell me (Your lucky worthless
boycunt) to take It ALL like the total bitch i am, and then You shoot what
feels like a quart of Your smooth, hot, sweet, creamy babybatter so way far
deep up up up up inside me (i think: is this safe --- can anything go this
far up and a person still live?), i will be leaking Your essence down my
legs for at least a week. my eyes stop flitting, i take a few too-deep
gasps for air as i stop clenching and bucking, and mercifully i pass out,
knowing with total certainty: i found my only purpose...to receive You into
my body and mind and soul. now -- finally -- i can do homework, Sir. Good
night.

**********

i am grateful You are patient with me. i'm not sure why i can't obey...You
said to cum about 10 times and i couldn't. i can't explain it, maybe i'm
not supposed to understand now. i guess i have to accept, like You r
modeling for me.

**********

i will try, i promise. You will know. i want to make You happy SO SO SO
much, for real. please imagine me on my knees looking up at Your
magnificent penis and giving it the worship and prayer It deserves. thank
You (!) for letting me talk to You another day. I beg You to maybe order me
to call when your roommate/other boycunt is gonna be away a while so i get
as much time as You want to use me so i get to make You happy and please
You. When You are in charge, everything is so good and happy and special,
like You.

**********

i can't believe i am admitting this to U, but i haven't cum since i last
heard Your voice many days ago. i'm sad and confused and kind of scared
about all this. i hope Your other boycunts have an easier time without You,
'cuz i wouldn't wish this (i.e., a little bit, then nothing) on anyone. i
will try to do what You command. i just don't know if i CAN.

**********

God, if You have some kind of hold on me with Your voice, would You
consider please (!) letting it go, maybe temporarily? Release me somehow,
just part way? i'm having trouble making my inferior penis shoot its load
because i am craving Your voice uttering all the abuse and then the word
CUM loudly. 

Does Your roommate worship Your penis and serve it too? if so, he is SO
lucky. i sure wish i were there now instead. 

Good night, God.

I love You, and i DO know what that word means.

**********

God, Please i beg U to let my call go through..or just let me know it
amuses U this way (not letting me get through) and i will have to learn to
accept it, somehow. -your piece of meat

**********

God, i got Your voice mail so i left a message. i wish i was there now so i
could beg You for Your perfect silky cream and take it wherever You want it
inside me, and then i could function or sleep or just go on feeling healthy
again...i am having trouble just getting only a few minutes of Your voice,
and i know You have plenty of boycunts who want You, but YOUR voice is the
only voice i am craving. Maybe i have to learn to wean myself off it...i
don't know why it's so difficult...i went days since our last talk, but
it's very bad tonight when You start and suddenly stop speaking to me. i
don't know what to do. please God help me. it's not a game for me, and i'm
kind of confused because it would be a lot easier if it was.

**********

i called like 10x, God, and i can't get through...i will keep
trying...sorry i am such a fuck-up, God. i thought u were finished using me
and that's why You hanged up on me. i am so sad, God, which i know doesn't
matter, sorry. Your stupid worthless boycunt, ian.

**********

[Given to me, source unknown:] You are superior to me in so many ways, I
almost don't know where to begin. First of all, You're straight and I'm a
faggot. Gay guys pretend to be just as good as straights, but we secretly
know that deep down we're inferior when compared to a Real Man like
You--that's why we're homos. Besides, You'd probably rather fuck a chick
any day than just use a queer's mouth as a pussy or his face as a sperm
target, so I realize right from the start that I'm at best a second-rate
choice for dumping Your Load and so I know that I will have to work
especially hard to get You to make it worth Your while to come back again.

Guys like me feel lucky if You treat us mean, if You call us names, if You
show no respect for us. In fact, I feel lucky that You even responded to
someone as submissive and masochistic as me. The main thing for You is
showing and feeling Your dominance and power, while at the same time it is
both laughable and disgusting to think of a guy with as little apparent
self-respect as me down there slobbering all over Your Cock, sniffing out
Your sweaty nuts, groveling at Your feet, working so hard for Your pleasure
and getting nothing back except insults and orders; and even though I'm
making You feel real, real good with my mouth and tongue, You never let me
forget for a minute that I'm do much less of a man than You, and always
will be.

For the dominant partner this power play is very straightforward and easy
to understand: dominating a masochistic cocksucker gives vent to His
frustrations and feeds His innate need to assert power and control and
mastery over his surroundings. It is a very primitive means of relief, but
it makes perfect sense. When encountering a masochistic submissive, these
tops often take advantage of the fact and use this kind of submissive gay
guy shamelessly for their own amusement and kicks, getting them to do all
sorts of humiliating shit for them. It is much more common than most people
think. And I'm not talking about anything non-consensual. With primarily
heterosexual men, it is, in fact, perhaps only with submissive gays they
meet in anonymous settings that they allow themselves to express these
domineering, sadistically-tinged desires, even though they would probably
prefer to enact these kinds of scenes with women (but just try to call a
woman a cocksucker while she's blowing You!). For the masochist the reasons
for the sexual excitement in being humiliated are not nearly as apparent.

The truth is, cocksuckers like me realized from childhood that we would
never be like the other boys--not real boys, not into sports, not accepted
as one of the guys, but instead were picked on and humiliated by bullies,
and were too scared to fight back. By seeking out humiliation as adult
masochistic queers, -- essentially the victims seeking out the bullies --
we are just reenacting the patterns we established back then, to submit to
the desires of another, more aggressive guy's sadistic whims in order to
somehow merge with him in the blow job, thereby "importing" a degree of
virility from a Real Man -- a Man like You, whose masculinity is not
diminished but rather enhanced by letting a sick fuck like me suck your
cock and obediently follow Your perverse and degrading orders -- things You
would never do for any man. I need to capture, steal or "pirate" another
guy's manhood in order to make up for my own masculine shortcomings.

[End of Given to me: source unknown]

**********

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Copyright 2017 ian wycim.