Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 22:05:11 EST
From: SCASS3254@aol.com
Subject: The Great Matthew

				The Great Matthew
				By scass3254@aol.com

	George Michaels smelled the newness of the leather couch as he sank
into it and felt its rich softness as he made himself comfortable. His legs
were stretched straight out and his feet crossed at the ankles. He had his
arm folded across his forehead, the knuckles of his right hand pressing
against his brown hair that was just beginning to gray at the temples.  He
exhaled and looked over to where Dr. Benjamin Frost was seated.

	Sitting in an armchair was Dr. Benjamin Frost who smiled at George
like a parent at a child. He had his notepad securely in his lap and was
holding a pen with which he scribbled notes in what George perceived to be
hieroglyphics. Dr. Frost cleaned his glasses on his silk tie and waited for
the session to begin.

	"It was a beautiful day," George began. "I ran over the stone
bridge past the field of wildflowers along the creek." George closed his
soft blue eyes remembering. "I hurried as I wanted to get there, so I would
have a front row seat. I wanted to be right there so I could see it all,
all the action."  Images flooded his brain and he stirred uncomfortably. It
was so long ago. "Do I have to go there?" George said barely audible.

	"I know it's difficult for you, but I feel we are at a breakthrough
so continue." Dr. Frost was a tall, thin man with a full beard.

	"Maybe continuing is easy for you," George said sarcastically, and
Dr. Frost let it pass it with a benevolent smile.

	"I remember wearing my new gabardine pants and a blue shirt that
matched my eyes. I was wearing penny loafers that I had polished to a high
gloss. The fairgrounds were beginning to fill with people who came from the
farms and town and as I said, I wanted a good seat at the wresting
match. The fair came to town once a year. I stood on line and bought my
ticket and entered the cavernous tent where a makeshift ring had been set
up and hurried to a seat smack up front. Like a giddy kid, I sat there and
felt the excitement as the crowd began piling in around me. Most were men
and there was tension in the air, as some of these men would fight "The
Great Matthew". Hopefully, some might win the one hundred dollars offered
as a reward if they could last ten minutes in the ring with him. It was
bravado mixed with fear and the tent took on an aroma of sweating men who
laughed and cursed and were having a good time.

	George began to sweat and Dr. Frost handed him a box of Kleenex
that George held on his trim stomach and blew his nose.

	"Go on," Dr. Frost said as George sighed.  Dr. Frost looked at his
patient. George was a man around forty-five that had been referred to him
by a colleague. George was an eminently successful architect who'd been
impotent for a long time. His wife had divorced him and he suffered from
bouts of depression. He was a strikingly handsome man with soft blue eyes.


	"I heard the yelling and then the applause before The Great Matthew
entered the tent. He was over four hundred pounds and he was big. He
climbed through the ropes and postured like a peacock wearing a blue cape
that he wore around his broad shoulders. He wore matching blue trunks and I
remember how excited I was to be there and see this strong man who had
never been defeated."

	"How old were you?" Dr. Frost asked.

	George chewed on his bottom lip, a nervous habit and stroked his
chiseled chin. "I was eighteen."

	"What excited you about this man? You wore you best clothes?"


	The question surprised George and he moved uncomfortably on the
couch. He nervously unbuttoned a button on his shirt exposing a hairy
chest. His breathing became heavy and beads of sweat lined his forehead.

	"His strength, yes, his strength. He stood there against the ropes
and he was big and strong, something that I desperately wanted to be. I
remember him looking at me and waving his massive arm. He smiled and I sat
there happy."

	"Explain. Why was it about this man that made you happy? There were
rides and games and food at the fair but you wanted to see this Matthew."

	"Explain what?" George said annoyed and he turned to face the man
who was making him drag up the past and he resented him. George lay there
not saying a word wanting the hour to pass but finally said. "Is this
necessary?"

	"You tell me?"

	"Fuck you!" George screamed out. "Fuck you and the horse you rode
in on. You fuckers are all the same. "

	"Why are you so angry? What happened that day? Did something happen
that day?"

 	"I don't want to discuss it. Can I go?"

	"That decision is yours. But I think that you should sit here for a
moment and think about your leaving. It's tough confronting our demons but
I believe you have the strength and willpower to see it through. It's your
choice."

	George ran his manicured fingers through his thick brown hair.

	"Take a deep breath and let's explore what happened that day."

	"I remember the yelling and the screaming as Matthew took on all
comers and dispensed with them like they were small children. His arms were
muscled and his legs thick like the oak tree in our backyard. He had a
belly but he was strong and he threw not one but ten men across the ring
that afternoon. He flung them like they were pieces of kindling. People
laughed and I laughed with them. When the fighting was over, I just sat
there in the large tent alone remembering what I had just witnessed when
Matthew came out and walked towards me." George hesitated and closed his
eyes. There is awkwardness in silence as the ticking of a desk clock was
the only sound in the room. "He didn't have on his cape and he had a towel
over his massive neck. I remember looking into his eyes. They were dark and
mysterious and he winked at me."

	"Kid," he said and walked to where I was sitting. He smelled of
perspiration and he toweled himself. Beads of sweat ran down his bare
chest. He had a smooth, fleshy chest and I remember he had these big round
nipples.  "The fight is over and you have stayed too long at the fair. Your
mother will be worried."

	"I have no mother," I blurted out. "I live with my father and he is
out with his girlfriend and he thinks I'm staying with a friend. You were
awesome today," I said.

	He smiled and his round face and dark eyes stared at me in a way
that made me feel funny. "Have you had dinner?" He asked. "I'm starved and
would like some company and since you don't have to be home, how about we
going to the hotel dinning room and having supper. I hear the food is quite
good there."

	"I didn't know what to say."

	"Cat got your tongue?" He reached out and put his massive paw on my
shoulder.

	 "I felt the heat coming through my shirt. His fingers were large
and his hand calloused as he held it there. "I would like to have dinner if
it's no trouble. I don't know where I found the courage but I wanted to be
in the company of this big man."

	"Good. I don't like eating alone."

	"We walked out the fairgrounds and into town. He was staying at the
only hotel in our small town and we went up to his room. "

	"Get comfortable," he said and began to undress. He stood there in
his jockey shorts and then he slipped them off. "I'll only be a moment."

	"I couldn't take my eyes off his body. His belly was round but it
was hard and he had this huge cock and large balls that hung between his
legs. He was uncircumcised with this large blue vein that ran down the
length of his shaft. He had this hood covering the head and I knew that he
knew that I was looking at him. He went into the bathroom and I could hear
the water running. I sat on the bed. " George became silent once more. He
checked his watch.

	"You were excited about seeing him naked?" Dr. Frost asked in a
tone that was soft hoping to elicit a response. "Let's discuss this. You
said you were impressed with his strength but why his body? You said you
couldn't take your eyes off his body. You even noticed the blue vein that
ran down the shaft. Did that make you wonder?"

	The words were like a sharp slap in George's face. He reddened and
yelled out. Yes...............

	George lay there and didn't move. His lips moved and then the words
"Yes, I wondered." The words spilled out of him. "I was excited and thought
my penis would burst through my shorts. I wanted to run but stayed."

	"It's okay."

	"No, it's not."

	"Kindly explain. Why was it wrong for you to stay? You said you
were excited.  Let's discuss these feelings that were exposed within
you. Did you realize that you might be a homosexual and seeing this man
naked proved the point? If he had been a woman would you have been turned
on?"

	"Is this how you get off. Do you live vicariously through others?
You guys are all loser and for that privilege I pay you one hundred fifty
dollars an hour. "

	"Do you realize that you have been seeing me for over six months
and today is the first time that you have been truthful? Yes, it is painful
and you have kept it bottled up inside of you. What are you afraid to
reveal about yourself?"

	"I sure the fuck have kept it bottled inside of me until I'm ready
to detonate. I have lived with this guilt and pain since it happened. It
fucked up my life." He blew his nose with the Kleenex and looked at the
Doctor who sat there waiting.  "The Great Matthew came out of the shower
and stood in front of me naked. He handed me the towel."

	"Dry my back," he said.

	"It was a wide, massive back and I rubbed the soft cotton against
it. I looked at his buns and they were round and firm. I put the towel
across it and then down his legs. He turned and he was hard and my face was
close to his penis." George let out a cry of pain. "He took his hand and
placed it against my head and tried to place his penis into my mouth."

	"Did he force you? Was he threatening you in any way?"

	"No, but he was smacking my face gently with this big piece of
meat, enticing me."

	"And you were enticed?"

	"You know you want to suck it," he said. "You want to suck this
baby until it spurts heavy sweet cream into that pretty mouth of yours."

	"I tried to pull away but I couldn't. I wanted to run but my heart
was beating and I was sweating."

	"You want this cock of mine and you want me to fuck that lilywhite
ass of yours. Isn't that why you're here?"

	"I was terrified and didn't know what to do. I panicked and the
more frightened I became, the more aroused it made him."

	"Isn't what he was saying to you true?" The doctor said. "He wasn't
forcing you to stay, was he? Could you at anytime walked out of that room
and gone home? So why did you stay?"

	"Yes, I could of gone but I stayed."

	"So why did you?" Dr. Frost looked over at George whose eyes were
closed. "The truth is that maybe you didn't want to go? Maybe you wanted
that cock of his in your lilywhite ass? Is that what you wanted? What were
you feeling? What was going through your mind as he stood there naked?"

	"I can't."

	"Yes, you can. That is why you went with him and you have been
denying this your whole life. It's time to bring it out to free yourself."

	 George began to whimper but began to speak. His voice was
husky. "I began to suck his cock. It was big and I began to gag."

"He took his hand and held it on his shaft at a place that I could
comfortably suck him. I tasted him and the sweetness of the pre cum that
was leaking from the hood. He had a huge head that was purple as it became
exposed. Do I have to continue?"

	"Yes. This has been inside of you for all these years and has to
come out. You know that as well as I do."

	"I tasted the liquid and it was sweet. It was insane but I was
frightened, and yet at the same time I was excited as he fucked my mouth
with this huge cock. Then, he did something that surprised me."

	"What was that?"

	"He lifted me off the ground like I was a child and kissed me. It
was rough and he forced his tongue into my mouth. He held me close and
began kissing and undressing me until he had my shirt off. Then his kisses
were soft and loving and his tongue kissed me with a sweetness that I had
never known. He put those big thick lips on my nipples and began to suck. I
thought."...He hesitated. "I thought I would faint. I had never had
anything like that done to me and he took my belt and had my clothes off
and I was naked. He looked at me and smiled.

	"You have a wonderful body," he said.

	"He placed me on the bed and spread my cheeks apart. I knew what he
wanted to do and cried out that I was afraid that he would rip me apart."

"Did you want him inside of you? Did you want this big man with all his
strength and power to fuck you? Now, you're with Matthew and you were
having your fantasy fulfilled. Is this what you dreamed it would be like?"

"Oh, yes. It was what I dreamed about, what I jerked off over. I once
 watched my father jerking off and I came all over without touching
myself. Yes, I wanted him. I felt his huge cock pressing against my ass and
prayed to God that he wouldn't rip me apart. "

	"A young tender ass," he said and felt my ass running his hands
over them, kissing them and placing his tongue between my cheeks."


	"He was sweating and I felt his hands on my hips as he pushed the
bulbous head of his cock against my ass. I cried out in pain. It was like
nothing that I have ever felt. He put lubricant between my legs and placed
his finger into my ass. I winced but before I knew it he was inside of me."

"Did you enjoy this kind of attention?

"Once he was inside of my ass, he placed another finger and I was surprised
that I was able to take it. The pain had been replaced by this feeling."

"What kind of feeling? Was it a good feeling?"


"It was wonderful. Once again he took that massive tool and this time he
applied pressure and I felt him slip inside of me. It was only the head and
he held me close and was kissing me, whispering to me, telling me that he
wouldn't hurt me. Then he began fucking me slowly, inching his way inside
of me."

	"Oh, baby, it's good, really good," he said as he was fucking me.

	"He was big in weight and I could feel his belly against me as he
slammed that rod of his into my ass and every time it came out he rammed it
home harder."

	"Move your ass," he said. "Shake it, sweetheart", he cried out."


	"I moved my ass and he began to move slower now taking it easy and
something happened to me.'

	"Yes," the doctor scribbled furiously in his pad. "Don't stop keep
talking."

	"He had this huge salami inside of me and I was moving with him
taking his thrusts and bringing my ass up to take him. I began to enjoy
it. I was so ashamed. No longer did I feel pain but I wanted this big brute
in me, fucking me. I wanted him inside of me coming. I wanted his load and
began to call out his name as I felt his balls slap against my ass. He held
my hips and thrust his meat into me again and again, and the joy I felt
sickened me but I loved every minute of it."

	"That's it baby," he cried out.  "Oh, yes, move it for Daddy. Make
me cum with that beautiful, sweet ass and the candy that daddy is going to
give to you."

	"I knew he was going to cum in me and I was ready. I clamped my
butt down on his dick and felt him begin to shudder and them he cried out
like a wounded animal as he shot a load inside of me that I never thought
would end. When he went limp, he pulled it out. He grabbed me and kissed me
and cleaned himself off in the toiled and came back to the bed. He lay me
down on the bed and began to lick and suck me. I have never had a sexual
experience man or woman and he had his mouth on my dick and he began
sucking me. I knew that I couldn't last as his tongue moved around the head
of my dick and down the shaft. He took my balls in his mouth and sucked on
my dick until I came into his mouth. He took my load and swallowed it and
smiled. Then he kissed me."

	"Shower," he ordered and I did as I was told. My ass was sore but I
knew that I wanted him inside of me again. We did it for thirty hours. He
let me fuck him and we made love until he left town and I went home. Then
it happened."

	"What happened after he left town? Did you tell anyone what
happened?"

	"No! I was ashamed, for liking being fucked by this big fat man. I
became depressed of what I had done and became withdrawn. I never told
anybody until today. I never had another sexual experience until I met my
wife in grad school and we were married."

	"How long have you been impotent? Did it happen after the incident?
Were you able to perform with your wife?"

	"I became impotent during the honeymoon. We tried and we were both
virgins and thought that in time it would get better. It didn't. Sex was
something she wasn't interested in and it freed my guilt about not being
able to perform. I thought about seeing a doctor but we were married in
name only. Our marriage was one of convenience. I suspected that my wife
was gay but since I wasn't interested in having sex, I didn't care. When
she asked for a divorce, I was glad. It was amicable and she is living with
a lady journalist. I see them both from time to time."

	"So today for the first time, you were able to admit what you
always knew but were fearful, so you denied it, even to yourself."

"What's that?"

	"That you're gay and have been gay but refused to admit it to
yourself. You have been denying it and therefore created your
impotence. Tell me. Do you get excited now when you see a man naked?"

	George lay there and then got up. "Yes but I have tried to suppress
it. You're right. It is so crystal clear now that I have broken a silence
that has crippled me for all these years. My marriage was a sham and I did
it to hide from what I really wanted. I couldn't perform because it was
with a woman and rationalized it was because of that day with Matthew that
had made me impotent. For the first time in over thirty years I feel
free. I told somebody what I feared for all these years and you just
listened. I felt like a freak but you have made me realize that I was gay
all along and didn't want to admit it."

	"You just have admitted it. How does it feel?"

	"Not bad. It didn't kill me." He got up and smiled.

	Dr. Frost looked at his watch. "The hour is up."

	"I don't know how to thank you doctor."

	"You were the one who discovered who and what you are. Now live
your life for you and be happy. You're being gay doesn't change the man
that you are. Now live your life and find a man that will make you happy
and your impotency will disappear like morning dew in the sunshine."

	"I will."

	As George left, Dr. Frost sat there and felt the erection rising in
his pants.