Date: Sat, 01 Jan 2005 17:35:33 -0800
From: Teh Genius <stories@tehgenius.com>
Subject: Beginnings/Another Rainy Monday Chapter 4

Legal Note From The Sarcasm Department

Do not read this story if:

You are not over 18 years old (or the legal age where you live).

Reading this story will land you in jail (unless you're into that type of
thing).

You don't want to read about men touching other men in somewhat
inappropriate places.

You are prone to masturbatory spraining.

This story is completely fictional.  It is not meant to represent or
reproduce any person or situation. If this seems to mirror your life in any
way, you're a lucky bastard.

Enjoy!

Aftermath Of A Shower
=================

      While you might expect that crying your eyes out in the shower would
be an immensely cathartic experience, it mainly left me emotionally drained
and led to my ass getting numb.  I slowly levered myself up into a standing
position and dunked my hair under the water for a final rinse.  Finally
realizing that the temperature of the water had dropped precipitously
during my crying jag, I turned it off and grabbed my towel.

      Once I had mostly dried off, I began drying my hair as I wandered
into the much warmer living room.  The TV was still on, and my Tivo had
begun to automatically record some inane Japanese samurai soap opera.  I'm
still not sure why my Tivo thinks that I'd like that crap, but I have never
been able to train it properly.  I plopped down on the couch and started
idly flipping through the channels.

      After coming to the not-so-startling realization that 300 channels
did not necessarily mean that something worthwhile was on, I flipped off
the TV and finished drying my hair.  I tossed the towel in the laundry
basket and ran a comb through my mane.  My hair was still a bit wet, but I
didn't have the energy to mess with it any more.  I grabbed my well thumbed
copy of Magic's Pawn and sat down to read it for the umpteenth time.

      While I was reading, I heard a knock at the front door.  I almost
immediately dashed to answer it, but thankfully remembered that I was stark
naked before I got to the door.  I ran back into my bedroom to find my
bathrobe.  I threw the robe on, hurried back to the door and opened it to a
very odd sight.

      Right before my eyes was a very nice and very male ass.  Tearing my
eyes away from the gorgeous ass, I realized that the ass belonged to
someone who was playing with Stealth Kitty.  He turned his head toward me
and then stood up.  At that point I was fully convinced that my Erik
hallucinations were a giant sign that I had completely lost my mind.  I
blinked my eyes a few times in the faint hope of clearing my vision, but he
was still standing there.

      Disbelief quickly gave way to confusion.

      "What... what are you doing here?"

      "Uhhh... hi.  I stopped by to bring you this.  You dropped it this
morning when your wallet went flying."

      As he was talking, he handed me my driver's license.  I had been
completely embarrassed this morning, which was bad enough, but now he was
giving me a concrete reminder of my stupidity.  I felt my cheeks get hot as
I tucked the license into my book as a bookmark.

      "Th... thanks."

      "No problem.  I live nearby anyway, and I'd hate to see you get
pulled over without your license."

      The thought of the focus of my masturbation fantasy living in close
proximity brought an even deeper heat to my face.  My discomfort grew as he
introduced himself.  When he shook my hand, he held on for what seemed like
an eternity.

      In a feeble attempt to mask my discomfort, I withdrew my hand and
tried to make a gallant offer.

      "Hang on a sec.  Let me give you a reward or something."

      I practically ran to grab my wallet out of my pants pocket.  I knew
that it was silly, but I figured that giving him some cash to make his trip
worthwhile would help assuage my guilt caused by lusting over a happily
married man.  I collected myself, grabbed my wallet and headed back to the
door.  Almost immediately, my prior embarrassment was replaced with a
feeling of immense stupidity.

      "Aw crap... I don't have any cash on me."

      Mentally, I was smacking my forehead.

      "Look, you really don't have to do anything.  I'm glad I could help
you out."

      "Well, I'd really like to do SOMETHING..."

      God did I ever!  Something told me, however, that I should keep just
WHAT I wanted to do to myself.  He ran his hand through his hair and
smiled.

       "I'll tell you what.  If you're not doing anything on Thursday, come
check out my band at The Stone."

      OK, OK, I admit it.  I perked up like a cat that heard a can opener.

      "In all fairness, there's an ulterior motive behind inviting you..."

      "Really?"

      Alright Terryn, keep breathing.  Slow breaths, calm nerves, no
hyperventilating...  HYPERVENTILATING!!

      "Yeah, the band gets to keep the cover charge for everyone that
comes.  At least this way, you'll get to hear us and repay me for bringing
that back to you."

      Well, that was a waste of a breathing difficulty.

      "Oh..."

      Saved by the phone!

      "Hang on one sec, ok?"

      I dashed down the hallway to grab the phone.  As hot as Erik was, his
being at my house really wasn't helping my thought processes.  I prayed
that a voice of sanity would be at the other end of the line.

      "Hello?"

      "Well hello my sexy rock star!"

      "Oh, hi babe!"

      Jeff's timing couldn't have been more awful.  As badly as I wanted to
talk to him about Erik at that moment, I didn't think it would be prudent
to do so with Erik standing just a few feet away.

      "Hmmm... I'm starting to think that you've been avoiding me, you
little shit!  You haven't called me in weeks!"

      "I know we haven't been able to spend much time together lately!"

      "LATELY?  I bust my ass to find you a decent assistant so that you
can finally relax a bit, then you suddenly decide that work is more
important than your best friend!"

      "Awww... come on, Jeff... don't be like that.  Look, let me grab a
change of clothes and I'll stay over there tonight.  I really need to talk
to you anyway.  It's...  important."

      I could almost hear Jeff's eyebrow arch over the phone.

      "Oh really?  Is your next ex-wife in earshot or something?"

      "Don't I wish!  I'll be there in 20 minutes, OK?"

      "Only 20 minutes?  I obviously still have much to teach you, young
virgin Jedi!"

      "Bitch!"

      I laughed as I hung up the phone.  I turned around to see Erik
walking away without so much as a goodbye.  I was sure that I hadn't been
on the phone for THAT long, but the gracious host in me was furious.
Hoping to correct my faux pas I called his name, but he just gave a
halfhearted wave and walked off.

      I sagged against the door frame and frowned.

      "Bye Erik..."

Sadeness =======

      I managed to keep a slow anger simmering until I reached the car.
Once I allowed the thought of the prospect of leaving this man behind for
good to enter my head, however, I completely lost it.  I fumbled with my
keys trying to open the door, and finally they slipped from my hands
completely and clattered to the ground.  I knelt down to pick them up and
felt all of the strength leave my legs.  Before I realized what was
happening, Sarah was already out of the car and running around to the
driver's side.

      No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't cry.  All I could do was sit
there, slumped against the side of my car, staring off into the distance.

      "It's over."

      Even with that whispered confession, the tears wouldn't come.  I
wasn't angry any more, I wasn't really sad... I just felt hollow.  Hearing
Terryn talking to his "babe" had taken the wind out of my sails like
nothing else.  I couldn't shake the feeling that I had just made a complete
ass of myself, when all I wanted to do was to take Terryn in my arms and
show him just how long I had waited for him.  Sarah knelt down next to me
and stroked my arm.

      "I'm sorry, hon."

      Upon hearing that, I slumped even further and let my head rest on the
car door.  My hand finally found my keys and I toyed with them idly.

      "He's got a boyfriend."

      Sarah momentarily stopped stroking my arm and muttered something
under her breath.  As zoned as I was, I barely noticed it.

      I don't know how long I spent next to the car, but the developing
cramp in my leg finally prompted me to move.  As I stood, Sarah gave me a
hug.  I halfheartedly hugged her back and handed her my keys.  I really
didn't feel that I was up to driving, so I slouched into the passenger seat
and closed my eyes.  As Sarah started the car, the Enigma CD that I had
been listening to kicked on.  What an appropriate song for such a shitty
evening.  Sarah started off toward home and I sighed heavily as I stared
out the window.  Not fated to just drive away from my pain, the last thing
I saw before we left the complex was a beautiful red Mustang speeding away
from me and off into the night.

Riding On Fire ===========

      Once Erik had left, I dashed back into my bedroom and quickly
changed.  I stuffed a change of clothes for the morning in a garment bag
and locked up the house.  I was still somewhat mystified at the way Erik
had just wandered off, but the opportunity to spend some long overdue time
gossiping with Jeff balanced those thoughts out nicely.  As I was walking
up to the car, an errant thought chose an opportune moment to crowd its way
into my brain.

      Out of the corner of my eye I had spotted the faded sticker that was
affixed to the rear bumper of my car, and I couldn't help wondering for the
millionth time where it had come from.  The sticker had been in the same
spot for years, ever since I had received it in an anonymous Valentine's
Day card.  When I opened the card, the sticker slid out of the envelope and
went fluttering down to the ground.  I'm still not sure how long I stood in
front of my office mailbox staring at a sticker and a card without a
signature.  My first impulse was just to throw it away, but something made
me hold onto it.  Discreet questions to several of the girls in the office
had turned up no leads, so I slipped the sticker into my pocket and went
about my business.  On my way out that evening, I reached into my pocket
for my car keys and brushed my hand against the sticker.  I pulled the
sticker back out of my pocket and stared at it for a while.  On a bizarre
impulse, I ripped the backing off of the sticker and stuck it on my rear
bumper.  And so, from that day forth, I rode around town with a green Care
Bear sticker staring silently behind me, wishing luck and joy to anyone
behind me.  Time and the weather had not been kind to him, though.  What
had once been a vibrant green sticker was now just a bleached, faint
outline of a smiling little bear.

      My impromptu ruminations about the sticker over, I tossed my bag into
the trunk and drove off toward Jeff's place.  I hummed along with the radio
as I drove, for some reason in an unusually bouncy mood.  I pulled up to
the curb in front of Jeff's house, grabbed my bag and ran up to the front
door.  The wide grin on my face fell as soon as Jeff came to the door.
Though he was doing his best to hide it, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy
like he had been crying.  He barely glanced at me before turning around and
walking into the kitchen.  I dropped my bag in the living room and followed
after him.  He was standing in front of the fridge, staring blankly at its
contents.

      "Bro... what's wrong?"

      I saw his hand tighten momentarily on the fridge door before he
sighed heavily.

      "Nothing... just me being stupid.  Want a beer?"

      I crossed my hands over my chest and glared at him.

      "Oh no, you're not wriggling out of this one Jeff.  20 minutes ago
you call me and sound perfectly normal.  Now, when I get here, you've
obviously been crying and you won't tell me why.  What the hell happened?"

      He snorted as he grabbed a beer from the fridge and shut the door.

      "You happened."

      I must have looked as confused as I felt because he walked over and
gave me a hug.

      "Don't worry bro, you didn't do anything."

      He walked into the living room, set his beer on the coffee table and
flopped out on the couch.

      "When I called you earlier, you sounded so excited about... what's
his name.  Just from the sound of your voice I could tell that someone had
gotten you all hot and bothered.  After we got off the phone, I started
thinking about how long it had been since someone had made me feel that
way.  I guess when you're me any excuse to be bitter is a valid one.  I
mean, look at me!  I'm a nice guy.  I'm not THAT ugly.  Yet I sit here day
after day, alone, all because I don't want to fuck some random guy I met in
a bar.  I'm in a prison of my own making, and the saddest part is that
faced with the other alternatives I can't honestly say that I'd have it any
other way."

      Jeff sat up on the couch and frowned as he looked at the mirrors that
comprised one wall of the room.

      "Every day I look into this mirror, and every day I like what I see
less and less.  Sometimes I just stand here for ages, looking at myself and
saying 'Don't worry...  you've got a lot to offer.  You can get back in
shape!  You can get out more!  You'll meet someone wonderful and finally
give all of this emotion that you've kept bottled up inside to someone who
will appreciate it!'... and every time the me looking out says 'You know
better than that.  Who are you kidding?'"

      "Sometimes, like tonight, I cry.  Sometimes I just sigh and admit to
myself that he's right.  Sometimes I get angry and curse the mirror-me for
being such a terrible liar.  But in the end, I always walk away feeling
less attractive and less complete than I did when I walked up.  I tried to
avoid it for a while, but it's like a train wreck.  I don't want to look,
but I have to."

      He threw his hands in the air and sighed.

      "Look at what a sad sack of shit you call a best friend."

      In my own personal caring way, I reached down to the chair in front
of me, grabbed a small pillow and hucked it at him as hard as I could.
Amazingly, Jeff just reached his hand out and grabbed it in midair.  As I
turned to look for something else non-lethal to throw at him, a small
titter was all the warning I had before the pillow smacked me in the back
of the head.

      "That's it Jeff, you're a dead man!"

      I grabbed the pillow and ran toward the couch.  Jeff's late attempt
to get off of the couch proved to be his undoing as I held onto the pillow
and beat him unmercifully with it.  By this point, both of us were laughing
so hard that we could barely breathe.  We ran around the house, each of us
trying to cause as much playful harm as possible to each other for nearly
15 minutes.  When all was said and done, Jeff had me pinned to the floor
with a fistful of my hair in his hand.  I, on the other hand, had both of
his nipples in a truly savage grip and I knew at that point that I had
"won".  As was our custom, we both looked at each other and said, "Truce?"
at the same moment.  Thus, with neither person's pride wounded, we lived to
fight another day.  After knowing someone since preschool, it's amazing
what you can get away with.

      After we had disengaged, I ran to the kitchen to grab a glass of
water while Jeff grabbed his beer and sat back down on the couch.  I
noticed as I walked back in the room that his face had taken on a
semi-gloomy tone once again.

      "You're an idiot, you know that right?"

      Jeff stuck his tongue out at me and flipped me off.  I hopped on the
couch lengthwise and draped my legs over his.  He just looked at his beer
and sighed again.

      "I know Terr, but you know me.  I just get this way sometimes.  I'm
glad you came over though... kicking your ass really made me feel a lot
better!"

      "Oh, kicking my ass eh?  If that's what you call that then please
don't ever pick a fight with anyone.  You'd die, pansy boy!"

      Jeff just laughed as he shouted, "I am bleeding, making me the
victor!"

      I giggled and looked him dead in the eyes.

      "We purposely trained you wrong... you know, as a joke."

      At that moment it didn't matter that we were both gay.  It didn't
matter that we were both single.  All that mattered was that we were idiots
and we loved every second of it.  After some idle chit chat and a ton of
terrible movie quoting, Jeff finally asked the question that I thought I
had been doing a very good job of avoiding.

      "So, what's this guy like?"

      It was my turn to look away.

      "I... I don't know."

      I filled Jeff in on every detail of the day, met now and again with a
raised eyebrow but no snide comments.  Jeff was being unusually reserved in
this conversation, which went against every fiber of his being.  Once I had
gotten him up to speed, he just looked at me quizzically.

      "So what you're telling me is that this guy not only flirted with you
at the coffee shop, but he came to your house and asked you out, and you
said NO?"

      "Hey, hey, hey!  He didn't ask me out, per se.  He just told me to
come see his band.  And I didn't get a chance to tell him no, because he
walked away while I was on the phone with you.  He's freaking married, man!
What am I supposed to do about that?"

      "But he came to your house.  To your HOUSE.  You know, the place
where you live?  How many people do you know that would hand deliver a
license to someone without having an ulterior motive?"

      "He could just be a really nice guy!"

      "Or he could want to get into your pants.  Why do you always rule out
the hot stuff?"

      I pinched his arm and glared at him again.

      "Just lay off, will you?  If nothing else, at least I have a really
cute excuse to get coffee in the mornings!"

      "Yeah, and in a week you'll be calling me and whining about how you
can't stop torturing yourself and how it's driving you crazy.  I love you,
man, but I have enough shit to deal with without listening to you being a
big namby-pamby baby about men."

      "Yeah, yeah, yeah... so you say.  You know you love hearing about my
man drama!"

      "Well, it gives me hope... hope that you'll weed out all the terrible
men on the planet before I get around to dating again!"

      After that comment another round of wrestling commenced.  In the
twenty-plus years we'd known each other, not a single get-together had
occurred without some kind of silly altercation.  Throughout our long and
sordid history neither of us had ever been willing to capitulate on just
about anything.  Part of why we remained such close friends is that we gave
each other a great outlet for our competitive instincts.

      We watched a little bit of TV then headed off to bed.  As we lay in
Jeff's bed, back to back as always, Jeff turned over to face me.  He gave
me a quick hug and a brief peck on the shoulder.

      "Thanks for coming over tonight, Terr.  It's been way too long since
we've hung out.  I was beginning to think that you'd replaced me!"

      His mock sobbing was interlaced with giggles.

      I grabbed the hand he had flung over me and kissed his knuckles.

      "You may be irreplaceable Jeff, but I think I can rent a pretty good
facsimile of you!  Now go to sleep or I'll get the bedbugs to bite your
nuts off!"

      He laughed and rolled back over.

      Before we dropped off to sleep, we quickly counted to three and
performed our own favorite ritual.  When we hit three, we both
simultaneously said, "Think about us having sex.  Eww! Eww! Eww! Eww!"

      With a few more giggles and shifting in the bed, I fell asleep almost
immediately.

================
Author's Note #4
================

Happy New Year's!!  May 2005 bring more happiness and more luck than 2004!

This story is dedicated to the perfect man in an imperfect situation...
here's to hoping that the future brings better tidings.

Copyright 2004 by TehGenius. Comments and constructive criticism
welcome at stories@tehgenius.com.