Date: Thu, 03 Apr 2003 19:46:53 -0500
From: m yonge <myonge@hotmail.com>
Subject: Arthur and Joe
Hi folks : this is just a (I think) nice little love story between two men.
No sex, just a love story. I hope you enjoy it. Appreciate any comments -
myonge@hotmail.com
Arthur didn't think that he had ever been so lonely in all his life. It was
finally starting to hit him. With all that had happened and was happening
to him in the last few months he hadn't had time to really think about it,
but now that things were slowing down it was hitting him like the proverbial
"ton of bricks"
About four months earlier his wife of 33 years was killed in a car accident
on her way to work. With the grief of the moment and the whirlwind of
activity that followed, arranging for his family to come home, arranging the
funeral and then the things that followed immediately after the funeral,
trying to catch his breath. He had not had time to be lonely.
Not two months after that he was able to retire and following the funeral he
had to seriously consider what he was going to do with the rest of his life.
One of the things that he had had to do with the death of his wife was to
talk to his kids and tell them some things about himself that he and his
wife had kept from them. He felt that it was time and that they would
probably find out now somehow. He would rather they get it from him than
from other sources.
So after the funeral the evening before they were to leave for home, he sat
them all down. The rest of the family (his in-laws and his own sister),
had left the day before. Hesitatingly he said he had something to tell them
that he wished he didn't.
"I want you to know that I loved your mother very much, and I want you never
to forget that in spite of what I am about to tell you, you kids mean the
world to me." With that the emotion of the days past and this moment of
truth, the tears started to flow. He bowed his head wishing this would go
away. His children just sat there staring at their father wondering what he
was about to tell them
By now Arthur was shaking with fear, whether he would still have a family
after tonight depended on how his daughters and son reacted to this news.
He wished he could just disappear. He wished he didn't have to tell them at
all. He tried to reassure himself that they would still love him anyway,
but it wasn't helping much.
"There is no easy way to do this." He started with a deep ragged sigh.
With his head bowed down, he said. "I'm gay"
He heard his son-in-law breathe out "Oh my God" and then take hold of his
wife's (Arthur's' eldest daughter) shoulder. There was a deathly silence,
and then Arthur heard the soft sobbing coming from his youngest daughter.
"You have to understand, I never wanted this, I tried for thirty years to
overcome it but I couldn't"
"Did mum know?" It was his eldest daughter Joanne.
"Yes, she knew" Arthur didn't dare raise his head to look at them.
He heard someone get up, and glancing up he saw his son, Jarred, striding,
almost running across the room toward the door. "I don't believe this!" he
shouted in tears. "How could you do this to us?!?!?" With that he ran
out.
Joanne looked at her husband and he left as well to go after Jarred.
"Dad?" asked Melissa "how did this happen? How can this be? You're a
Christian how can you be gay??"
Arthur was now crying softly "I wish I knew sweetheart. I wish I knew."
"I never meant to hurt your mum or you kids, you have to know I love you
more than anything in the world" He sobbed. "I prayed and struggled for
years and years and never found any victory, and I couldn't understand it.
Why was God not giving me victory over this?"
"Are you still saved Dad?" Asked his youngest daughter
"I believe I am, I think that the Bible really doesn't have a prohibition
against homosexuality per se... but more against certain homosexual acts the
same as it speaks against certain heterosexual acts. " he answered "But
that doesn't help right now, It doesn't take away the pain today does it?"
"I just want you to know that I love you all so very much, and I wanted you
to hear it from me not from anyone else"
Arthur let out a deep sigh
"I will understand if you don't want me around anymore, I hope you won't
reject me but I will understand"
His eldest daughter got up and walked over to him and gently put her arms
around him and kissed him. "Dad it does hurt but I can only imagine how
much it has hurt you all these years and Mum, I love you Dad and you will
always be my Dad."
Melissa got up at the same time and hugged him as well. "I don't understand
Dad but you are still my dad and that will never change."
Arthur broke down in long ragged sobs as the three of them cried together.
It was some time before they heard a car in the driveway and they realised
that Jarred and his son-in-law had returned.
Arthur's great worry now was for his son, where had he gone and what would
he do? Would he reject his father? It was still very uncomfortable with
his daughters but at least they said they would try to understand and they
were not going to reject him. But what about Jarred?
Barry ran after Jarred when he ran out of the house. He found Jarred in the
back yard, sobbing.
"Jarred?" He said softly
"wanna go somewhere to talk?"
Jarred nodded and they went to the car and drove off to nowhere particular
Neither one said anything for several minutes, absorbed in their own
thoughts
"How could he do this?!" Jarred finally said almost shouting. "After all
his preaching and teaching us to tell the truth and being honest ... and ...
and.. HE"S GAY!!"
"How could he do this to Mum and to us?"
Barry really didn't know what to say, finally as if just to say something,
he said quietly "How could he do what Jarred?"
He continued "I don't know much about homosexuality but I don't think it was
something that Dad chose to be. I don't think he even wants to be gay, I
think he just is and that is what he has realised"
If he doesn't want to be gay then why is he? Why didn't he just choose to be
straight if he didn't want to be?" Asked Jarred.
"I don't know Jarred, somehow I think it isn't as easy as that, we didn't
choose to be straight, we just were, somehow I think it is the same with
being gay."
They both were quiet for some time again. Jarred started again. "But the
Bible... Sodom and Gomorrah... what about what the Bible says? Is that all
a lie then? Is everything we have ever been taught a lie???"
"I don't know" replied Barry "but I think Dad might"
"I can't talk to him again, I don't know if I can ever see him again" Jarred
sobbed suddenly overcome with his pain again.
"Jarred I understand. But you know, from what I know of your Dad, the last
thing he ever wanted to do was to hurt you or any member of his family. I
think you need to talk to him and ask him to explain, but don't just reject
him without letting him explain, I think you need to give him at least
that."
They drove and talked as they drove for many kilometres. It was a good hour
later when Barry suggested that they go back. Jarred sighed in emotional
exhaustion, nodded. They headed back.
About a half-hour later they drove into the driveway. Arthur met them
outside.
Jarred spoke first. "Dad... I need to understand. I need to know about
everything you taught us about God and the Bible and what happens now. I
need to know Dad how you can do this and just throw all that away, and how
you can turn your back on us too." He started to cry again, tears streaming
down his face.
Arthur started to put his arm over his son's shoulder, feeling his pain, but
Jarred pulled away. The walked down the driveway together but apart, Arthur
putting his hands in his pockets. Barry watched sadly as the two men walked
down the driveway.
"Son I know it is hard for you to understand. I don't understand it
completely myself, but I will explain it to you as best I can. But if you
believe nothing else that I tell you son, please believe that I love you
with all my heart, with all my being"
"How can I believe anything you tell me Dad? Your whole life is a lie to
me!" Jarred replied bitterly.
Arthur felt the words go through him like a knife.
"That may be what it seems like, but when could I have told you? I was
afraid that you would hate me. I've been living with this all my adult
life, and longer. I couldn't explain it to myself never mind to you guys.
It wasn't until just a few years ago, that I even began to understand why I
couldn't be free of this. What would I have told you?"
"So everything you ever told us about the Bible and God is a lie then?"
"No son. The Bible is true. Whatever I taught you about God is true. It
was my understanding of what the Bible taught about this that I had to come
to terms with.
When you look in the Bible and the things it says about homosexuality, there
is nothing definitive. You have to look at the language that is used. For
Sodom and Gomorrah you have to go to Ezekiel to understand why God destroyed
those cities... and it was not because of homosexuality. When Moses talks
about homosexuality or what seems to be homosexuality in Leviticus, there is
a argument that he is not talking about being gay as we understand it but is
talking about the Canaanite cults and the temple prostitution. It is the
same in the New Testament in at least some of the cases. In I Corinthians
the terminology that is translated as homosexuality is not an accurate
translation of the word or phrase that Paul uses, not to mention that the
passage again could be tied to temple prostitution as well. Even the
passage in Romans Chapter 1 could point to man's use of homosexuality in
cultic worship as a result of sin. But nowhere in the Bible is there a
clear defining statement about or against being homosexual. The fact that
for some thirty years I begged God to free me and deliver me from it with no
success says something. God doesn't free you from something that is sin...
"
Arthur stopped and took a deep breath
" I love you son. You know, I never asked to be gay, I tried everything not
to be gay ... but I am gay, and I don't ask you to accept it or my
explanation, I hope that you can at least still see me as your father who
loves you very much"
Jarred walked in silence for several moments, "Dad I love you too but this
is so hard" he said softly
Arthur put his hand on his son's shoulder. Jarred didn't pull it away.
They turned and walked back to the house.
Nothing more was said that night. Early the next morning Arthur put his son
on the bus. As he went to get on the bus Jarred turned and hugged his
father. "I love you Dad"
Arthur felt the tears start "I love you too son" They both turned, Jarred
got on the bus and Arthur went back to the car and waited till the bus left.
He drove back to the house.
Breakfast with his daughters and son-in-law was a quiet affair, and soon it
was time to drive the two hours to the airport to send them off. Joanne
asked him how the farewell with Jarred went, but other than that nothing was
said about the subject. They talked about what he was going to do, and when
he was coming out west.
At the airport both his daughters hugged him and told him that they loved
him. Barry gave him a hug as well and then they were gone, through the
security gate. He waited in the airport waiting room until he saw them
getting on the plane, then he went home again.
He was to follow a few days later and fly to the West Coast to look for a
new home.
He had a whole new life ahead of him now, decisions and options that were
open to him now that were not there before. He and his wife had talked
about moving after he retired but with his wife still working that was not
in the immediate future. So many things changed that day the officer came
to his office to give him the news of the accident.
It was after the grief and emotion of the funeral and having the kids home
for those several days, and the pain of coming out to them, was over, that
the task of preparing for retirement and what to do after that filled his
days. The house had to be cleaned from top to bottom. He rented one of
those large garbage bins to throw stuff out and have it hauled away. There
was very little left once that was done. What was left in the way of
furniture, with the exception of the piano and his oak desk and a few other
things, he was able to get rid of in a garage sale.
With that out of the way he was able finish a few renovations to make the
house at least presentable, and put it up for sale. He expected to take a
loss but he wanted to get rid of it before he left.
There wasn't much furniture left in the house but he decided to stay there
rather than rent a room or check into a motel.
In the weeks since the funeral a lot had happened to keep his mind occupied.
Because he had several weeks of holidays he didn't have to go back to work
before his retirement with the exception of going in for a couple days to
empty out his desk and office and clean up the files on his computer.
They threw him a party in the office, just a quiet affair in the coffee room
one afternoon shortly before he left town altogether. They had insisted
that they had to do something but in light of his recent loss it would be
just a gathering of the staff to bid him farewell. One of the gifts they
gave him was an oak chair that he had always used in the coffee room through
the years. No one that was in the know would "dare" sit in that chair. It
was a very fitting gift and he loved it. It was a tearful departure from
the office he had served in for over 30 years.
The house was sold. He didn't get as much as he was asking but he also
didn't loose as much as he was expecting either.
During this time ... a period of about 5 weeks he took a quick trip out to
the West coast to go house hunting. With the help of his son-in-law and
daughter he was able to find something on "The Island" near but not in
Victoria that would suit him just fine. It was a small modular home in a
mobile home "park". 2 bedrooms, a nice relatively secluded yard near the end
of a cul-de-sac with a view of the Strait. With the insurance he was able
to buy the place outright. He hoped that he would get enough money out of
the sale of his home in Ontario to be able to furnish the place and perhaps
buy himself a car once he moved out.
It looked like a quiet neighbourhood and he felt that he could be happy
there, near the ocean and near the forest that he loved so much, in a
climate that he could live with. His only regret was that he could not be
near all his children ... the nearest was his daughter who currently lived
in Vancouver with her husband, about two hours away by ferry. Arthur
resigned himself to the fact that he couldn't live his life following his
children. Perhaps in light of his coming out it was better that he was not
too nearby at the moment. It would allow him the freedom and time to settle
into a life and lifestyle that he would be comfortable with. Hopefully he
would be able to arrange for them to come and visit him on holidays and
different times through the year around. Once they all had families it
would be harder for them and easier for him to visit with them. All these
things were things that he was thinking about as the weeks sped by toward
his retirement.
When he returned he got the news of the sale of his house and while it
wasn't for as much as he had hoped it was enough to buy what he needed in
the way of furnishing and wheels.
Most of his severance pay went into RRSPs with enough left out to pay for
the shipping of what he was to take with him and his flight out to his new
home.
So the time had finally come, the truck was loaded and was disappearing
around the corner; the taxi was waiting as Arthur took one last walk around
the house and yard. He had walked the length and breadth of the "bush" and
had visited the beaver pond on last time in the days prior to this day.
There was a flood of memories that suddenly overwhelmed him. The images of
the children growing up running through the yard, the pets, the hard times
and the good times all came tracking through his mind.
The taxi driver loaded the suitcases for him and stood waiting by the car as
Art slowly walked across the yard to the cab. Tears were coursing their way
down his face as he got in. He glanced self-consciously at the cabby who
just smiled at him.
"Too many memories" he said softly
"How long have you lived here?" The cabby asked him.
"Thirty-two years" Art replied "Raised our family here, moved here the year
after we were married"
"Wow! That's quite a long time I guess there would be a lot of memories"
ventured the cabby
"My wife died this spring, the kids have all moved away, no reason left to
stay." By now the tears were pouring down his cheeks.
They pulled out of the driveway and headed down the road. Art stared at the
house through his tears, trying to fix the image in his mind one last time.
"Take me to the airport please" he said in a breaking voice.
The driver decided to change the subject and talked about the weather and
fishing and hunting, filling the time between the house and the airport.
Art whispered a silent farewell to his wife as they passed the cemetery. A
friend had driven him there the night before so that he could spend some
time at the graveside one last time.
They pulled into the Airport; the driver helped him bring his bags to the
checkout counter. Art paid the fare and gave the man a good tip. The Cabby
reached out his hand to shake Arts' and wished him well and left.
The short flight to Timmins took him right over the house and then on over
many of the places he had worked and mapped over the years. It was an
emotionally turmoiled flight thankfully short in duration.
At Timmins he was checked through right to Victoria. That meant he would not
have to go through security in Toronto he could go straight through to the
connecting flight. His brother-in-law had promised to meet him at the
terminal there (he was an airport employee).
They had a couple hours to visit before the flight to the Coast. It was a
good visit, as much as Art could handle at this time. His mother-in-law was
annoyed that he hadn't decided to stay over a day or two before moving on
but Art had to do this. There would be time for visiting later, now he just
had to get away. It was good to see his brother-in-law but it was enough.
As the flight was called they embraced each other and Arthur turned to gate
and didn't look back. Tears were once again streaming down his face. A
part of his life was over... this was the turning of the page to a new life.
His daughter in Vancouver had wanted him to stop over there as well but as
he explained to her, he needed to claim the house and settle into it by
himself, it was something he had to do alone. He promised that once he got
settled and found himself a vehicle he would come across and see them, but
he needed to do this alone. She understood and didn't press him any further
on the matter.
It was late in the evening that he arrived in Victoria, he rented a car and
drove to the motel he had booked and stayed there. He called the kids to
tell them that he had safely landed.
Then next morning he drove to the real estate agent to pick up his keys for
the house. Everything was in order and by noon he was in the house.
Wandering about and checking out the yard. His luggage would not arrive
for another two or three days. That gave him plenty of time to explore the
area, go buy some furniture, groceries etc., see if there was a gym nearby
he could go to, and check out about transportation, order his phone hook-up
and internet service.
The first afternoon he ordered the phone but other than going out for lunch
and picking up a few groceries he stayed in and near the house. He was able
to unpack some of his stuff but basically he was stuck until the truck with
everything else was delivered.
He had his blow-up chair and air mattress, which he took care of.
He was walking about the yard looking to see what plants /perennials etc
were there. He had already checked it out briefly when he had come out to
see the house to buy it but now he wanted to have a closer look. There was
a Rhododendron bush in the front that needed some trimming. The flowerbed
seemed to be overgrown and in sad need of work. Most of the yard was in
grass. So he would need a lawn mower, as well as some basic garden tools.
If he wanted a vegetable garden he would be looking at a roto-tiller too.
Then... it was then that he suddenly felt overwhelmed by it all. It
suddenly hit him how alone he was. He stood up from where he had been
crouching down looking at some plants, and with one hand braced himself
against the house. The tears welled up in his eyes and flowed freely down
his cheeks. What was he going to do? All of a suddenly all his plans and
hobbies and the excitement of a new home didn't interest him ... he was
alone. Tonight he would be sleeping alone. This was it. Up till now
everything had been a blur and now it was all coming to a screeching halt,
he now had time to feel the loneliness and it hit him hard.
He turned back to the house head bowed and went inside. That night he cried
himself to sleep, and for several nights there after. The days lost their
interest, the sea, the waves the trees and flowers that he had so looked
forward to enjoying, just had nothing for him. He went through the motions
getting everything unpacked and set up. He had one of the neighbourhood
kids come and mow the lawn, the grass was so tall and thick he had to have
the kid come back a week later to do it again before it looked reasonable.
For about two weeks he basically stayed inside and moped about. He was
depressed and sad and miserable. He managed to arrange for new furniture
and he got himself new wheels but other than that he kept himself to the
house and stared at the television, or really the TV was on but he was just
staring.
One weekend he went to the mainland and visited with his daughter and her
husband. On the Sunday Morning he had gone to a church in Vancouver that he
had heard of that was "gay friendly". He had spoken with the pastor there a
couple times over the phone but had never been to the church. His daughter,
at his insistence put him on the right bus to get there and gave him
directions to get back. When he arrived he slipped into a seat in the back
corner. While the Pastor was obviously a saved man, the format of the
service made Arthur uncomfortable not because of the homosexuality but
because of the Pentecostalism... Arthur was a Baptist. He did however enjoy
the service on whole. It was good to be in a service without fear and doubt
again.
That evening as he was to leave to catch the ferry back to the Island his
daughter sat him down.
"Dad what's wrong?"
"I don't know, I just don't know." He cried and the tears came storming out
as waves of sorrow came over him. "I.. I'm just so alone "
She hugged him close as he sobbed in his misery. "I didn't think it would
be this bad."
"You know you don't have to go right now" she suggested, crying softly
herself at her father's sorrow.
"I know love" he said softly "But I can't run from it, I'm just as lonely
here as there"
I need to pick up the pieces and move on. It's just going to be hard, and I
just didn't realise how hard it would be"
" In spite of everything, I loved your Mum so much"
"I know Dad, I know you did" she hugged him again "Maybe you need to find a
friend to spend some time with." She hesitatingly suggested
Arthur looked at his daughter trying to understand her meaning
"I think Dad, that you need someone" she said softly
"I can't... I don't ... I don't think that I could start dating another
woman again... He paused
"I know Dad but maybe there's another man out there, maybe another Christian
man... were there no men at the church you went to this morning"
"Dad" she continued "Barry and I " she looked up at her husband standing
there "Barry and I don't understand much about what you are going through or
where we stand, what we believe about this homosexual thing, but I guess you
have to answer for that. I just know we want you to be happy."
"Unfortunately these guys all live here not on the Island" Arthur replied
"Don't worry dear, I'll get over this hump. It's just a rough time right
now.
"We just want you to know Dad" Barry joined in "That we will support you, we
don't understand everything but we will support you and help you"
"That means a lot to me Barry"
"I guess we had better get out to the Ferry or you'll miss it"
"Yeah"
They chatted generally as they drove to the ferry.
Arthur hugged his daughter and even received a hug from his son-in-law at
the walkway up to the ship and then he both turned and walked away, tears
running down his face.
Arthur found himself a seat in the lounge at the front of the boat for the
hour and a half trip to Victoria. He sat for a few minutes and then
decided to take a walk and watch the lights of Vancouver and the Islands as
the ferry slide through the waters to its destination. The last thing he
wanted was to have the other passengers see his tears and agony. It was a
warm clear night and the night air and breeze seemed to lift his spirit a
bit, as he watch the lights of Vancouver and the Islands pass by in the
dark.
"Lord what is going on?" He prayed as if to the water surging below him.
He had prayed this prayer countless times before. He had never gotten a
direct answer. He had been away from active participation in church for a
number of years. When his wife had found him one evening browsing a gay
image site, she had demanded that he withdraw his membership from the church
where he had been an active member in the leadership among other things. He
still missed the preaching and teaching but knew there was nothing that
would change that now. He could never go back to that, or at least he
didn't think that it was possible. So sometimes in his frustration he would
cry out to God ... "Lord what is going on?"
He stood there for a while watching the lights on the various Islands as
they drifted by. They finally arrived back in Victoria, where he picked up
his car and drove home to his empty house. That night once again he cried
himself to sleep.
The next morning while he was working in the front flowerbed he was
interrupted by a voice calling him, or at least that's what he assumed.
"Excuse me? Excuse me?" It was a woman's voice. He looked up to see a
woman about his age standing on the sidewalk looking at him
"Yes?" He replied
"Uh... you are new to the neighbourhood aren't you?"
"Yes" he smiled "I arrived a couple weeks ago, just finally getting to the
flowerbeds" He laughed lightly and the woman smiled
"Well, welcome to the community I'm sure, I'm just coming by to see if you
are going to be attending our summer BBQ at the centre this year? It will
be this coming Saturday."
"Well ... I don't know"
"It would be a good opportunity to meet everyone, it is sort of a pot luck,
everyone brings a salad or something and you bring whatever you want to cook
on the BBQ. We always have a good time"
Arthur wasn't sure he was ready for this, but it might be just the thing to
get him going. "It sounds like fun " He said, "I'll bring my Western Rice
casserole"
"That would be lovely, we'll look forward to seeing you then, about 4:00 on
Saturday afternoon at the community centre."
"OK thank you for inviting me"
The woman waved at him and moved on to the next home.
It was almost a relief that came flooding over him as the lady walked away.
He actually spent quite a pleasant morning in the garden. After lunch he
decided to walk about the community and see what it was actually like.
As he strolled through the community that afternoon he was greeted by
several of the residents. There were quite a few well kept yards with
beautiful flower beds that he would like to inspect more closely for ideas
for his own yard.
By the time he got back home later that afternoon he was actually looking
forward to the BBQ and for the first time in many nights he slept peacefully
that night.
The next day he got a newspaper and started perusing the want ads for job
prospects. He followed up a couple ads, one for greeter at one of the local
department stores and another that was looking for a part time greenhouse
worker. While this one paid just slightly less than the "greeter" it was
much more to his liking and also offered more hours of work. After an
interview, he was surprised to be offered the job, to start immediately.
He would have to work approximately 30 hours a week, including weekends. He
would have to start a 7 AM ever morning and work till about noon on weekdays
and from 7 till 10 on Saturdays and Sundays, to water the plants. He was
going to love this!
The job was only about a mile from where he lived so he could walk there
everyday. So at ten to seven the following morning he arrived at his new
job. That day for the first time in several months he was whistling and
humming and singing while he worked. It was a great day! Even his boss
commented on his cheerfulness. While he was only there to water and clean
plants and sweep up the establishment he was able to also help several
customers throughout the morning as they wandered through looking for this
or that. Yeah he was going to like it here. It was with light step that he
walked home that afternoon.
As he neared his home about three houses down; he noticed a police car
parked and the officer talking to someone, a man in the yard. The man was
obviously in distress, and was crying. Arthur looked but kept on walking.
Later that evening he went for a walk in the cool of the evening. He
noticed there were several cars in the drive and on the street in front of
the house. As he walked by, he asked one of the visitors what was
happening.
"Joe's partner was killed in a car accident this morning."
"Oh no!" Said Arthur, as a flood of memories whelmed across his mind
"Please tell him I'm so sorry"
"Why don't you come in and tell him yourself?"
"Well I'm new to the neighbourhood and I don't actually know him, it
wouldn't be right, but I do know what he is going through and want him to
know how sorry I am"
"O... Ok we'll tell him, Thank you."
Arthur looked up at the house and then moved on, for his walk. When he came
back most of the visitors had left.
Arthur wondered if he should go over but decided that this would not be the
time. The next couple days went by very quickly. The house down the
street was fairly busy all week, the funeral was held on Thursday afternoon.
Arthur was thoroughly enjoying the job and had gotten several good comments
from his boss. He found that he was doing far more than just the watering
and sweeping he was originally hire for. Customers not knowing his position
of course would ask him for help and if he knew the answer, rather than
finding a salesperson he would help the customer out. The result was that
several of the customers had commented on his cheerful helpfulness. To the
boss, happy customers made him happy, although he did get a promise from
Arthur that he wouldn't overstep his position and forget his real job. This
was all said with a laugh.
One of the other chaps he was working with did tell him to slow down because
he was making everyone else look bad, but that didn't deter him. He loved
being in with the plants. He was learning what was available for his own
yard. The customers would often tell him what was working for them and what
didn't work. He was also learning a wealth of information about times when
planting was done and about the climate he had moved to. It was just great.
He couldn't seem to explain to his younger cohort in the greenhouses that
there was so much to learn. The kid was only there to make a few bucks; he
had no real interest in the plants or the job.
On Friday afternoon as he walked home, he met with "Joe" from the house down
the street. They passed each other, Arthur, nodded at the man and said a
soft "hi" but that was all. The man was the picture of misery. Arthur
wanted to take him and hold him to comfort him, but he didn't know him. How
could he? It bothered him the rest of the day.
That afternoon he prepared the casserole for the following evening, as he
put it in the oven he thought of how he could do something for Joe down the
street.
Later that evening, he walked down the street and knocked on Joe's door, A
little timidly but he was there now and couldn't turn back. There was
movement behind the door, which opened to present a young man, not Joe, but
a young man. "Hello?"
Arthur stepped back... " I ... uh... I heard about what happened and thought
I would bring something over ...uh..." he stopped, realising he didn't know
what to say.
The young man opened the door wider to let him in and called into the house
"Uncle Joe!"
"I didn't mean to intrude, I'm new to the neighbourhood but wanted to do
something, I'll just leave this here, it's a banana loaf, I hope you like
it" Arthur stepped back
"You're not intruding please come in, you're the only one in the
neighbourhood that has dropped by"
Joe had by now arrived at the door as well, his eyes were swollen, he looked
extremely tired. Arthur's heart went out to the man.
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to barge in, just wanted to let you know I'm
sorry for your loss, I know what you are going through."
"Please come in" repeated the young man, "please come in, I'll put the
kettle on."
Arthur once again apologised, but Joe gave him a hand and introduced himself
"Hi I'm Joe, thank you so much for coming tonight, and for the gift", he
motioned to the young man "This is my nephew Mark, he is here from Toronto
for a few days"
He was led into the kitchen where Mark was busy at the stove and counter;
putting cups and plates out.
Joe showed him a chair to sit in and as he sat Joe said: "You're the new
man just up the street aren't you? I've seen you walk by."
"Yes" Arthur replied "I moved in about a month ago now, I'm afraid I haven't
been much up to meeting people. You see I lost my wife of 33 years just
about 3 months ago and it wasn't till I moved out here that it hit me how
much I miss her." Arthur's voice had lowered considerably as he spoke.
Tears had set in his eyes, and were beginning to course down his face.
He continued, "When I heard about your loss, I knew what you must be going
through and I wanted to at least let you know you're not alone. My problem
is that I am so damn shy and unsure about if I should have come over or not,
especially since you don't even know me... " He paused then gave a little
laugh "And I see I'm rambling on, I'm sorry"
Joe now had tears streaming down his face. He came over to where Arthur was
sitting and put a hand on his shoulder. "It must have been very difficult
for you to come here tonight, but it means so much to me, I can't thank you
enough"
By now they were all crying, and then started to laugh through their tears.
It was almost refreshing. Mark put a tray with tea and Arthur's fresh
banana bread on the table and they all sat around the table. They talked
about Tim, Joe's partner of 23 years. Arthur talked about his wife and
their life together. They laughed and they cried together.
When Arthur happened to glance up at the clock at one point he was shocked,
it was already after midnight. He jumped up from his chair. "Good grief!
It's after midnight! I didn't realise I've stayed so long, you must have
been wondering if I was ever going home"
Mark and Joe both laughed
"You kidding? We have just been enjoying ourselves so much tonight." Said
Joe and in a more serious tone "I wish Tim could have met you, I know he
would have liked you. I know we probably have to call it a night but you
have made the week for me Art, thank you so much, I hope we can do this
again."
"I hope so too, I haven't had this much fun in a long time, it was good to
just sit and talk and laugh again. I'm so glad I came over tonight, I'll
have to have you to my place for supper soon. You are leaving tomorrow
Mark?
Mark nodded, "Yeah I have to get back to work on Monday, and I have a few
things to take care of before then, I'm glad that my uncle has found someone
that he can talk to, this community is a bit tight about who they let in. I
know Tim and Uncle Joe were only just acknowledged here, but never really
welcomed. We were wondering if he could stay or should find another place
to live"
"Well it has been a pleasure to meet you, I hope we will meet again
sometime, you will be back to visit again?"
"Oh yeah I'll be back again. We visit back and forth on a regular basis.
Arthur got up and headed for the door, "I guess I have to go to this BBQ
tomorrow night, I gather you are not planning on going Joe?"
"No I think I'll pass this year, it is too soon" Joe replied
"Yeah that's what I thought, well then how about you come over for dinner on
Sunday? Say about 4ish? Or am I being too pushy here?"
"That would be great Art, I would like that" They shook hands and Arthur
left.
Mark walked him out to the road, "Thank you for taking my uncle under your
wing, it doesn't bother you that he is gay? You know that the neighbours
will talk if you guys are seen hanging out too much."
"I know that Mark, but I guess they'll just have to live with that. Who I
choose as my friends is my decision. Your uncle and I have something in
common and I think we can help each other with our grief. From what I've
seen tonight I think we will be good for each other in that aspect.""
"I think so too Arthur, thanks again for coming over"
"And thank you for insisting that I come in tonight, you have a good flight
back tomorrow, bye"
With that Arthur turned and walked up the street to his house, he seemed to
have a lighter step in his walk, he felt better than he had for sometime.
The next morning he saw Joe and Mark drive off to the airport. Arthur was
working in his yard when Joe returned a couple hours later. Arthur waved at
him and then waved for him to come on up to the house. Joe came up and they
chatted for several minute outs in the yard. Arthur showed him around and
talked about what he would like to do with the flowerbeds and shrubbery.
"Actually Joe, I was thinking about talking to you for some advice about
this yard, you have such a beautiful yard, I think the nicest one in the
neighbourhood. I know what I like, but somehow between what I see and what
actually happens when I try to put it all together are two entirely
different things." He motioned to the Rhododendron at the corner of the
house; "I know that one needs some trimming but I really don't know how or
when to do it."
"Well I would love to help you do something here, this yard has a lot of
potential. Tim and I were looking at this property when we were first
thinking of moving here, but the people you bought from beat us to the
punch."
They talked as they walked around the yard. Arthur felt so at ease talking
to Joe. He invited Joe in for some lunch. They spent the rest of the
afternoon talking until Arthur realised it was time for him to head out to
the BBQ.
"You know you could still make it to the BBQ Joe if you like. It might be
good... just to get out for a bit. You don't have to stay long. You could
go with me, we can take my car, that way if you feel you want to leave I can
take you home and that will be a way out for me too."
"I don't know Art, Tim and I were planning on going, but I'm not ready yet."
"I understand, that's ok, I didn't mean to push"
Joe smiled a "not to worry" as he got up and headed out the door, leaving
Art to get ready for the BBQ. He thanked him for the lunch and visit. Art
reminded him of the invite for dinner the next afternoon.
Art smiled to himself after Joe had left. He had found a friend. He packed
up the car and left for the party.
Several cars were already there when he arrived and he could see a number of
people standing around the picnic tables that had been set up. He took a
deep breath, got the casserole and his things and walked over to the group.
One of the ladies took the casserole out of his hands, thanking him. He
found a place to put his things and then just stood there looking for a few
minutes before another woman came up to him.
"Hi, I'm Delores, you must be the new man that moved in to the Smythe
place."
"Yes I'm Arthur" he replied
She took him by the hand and led him over to the main group of men and women
that were standing there chatting with each other.
"Hey folks" she said, "This is Arthur"
He was greeted all around with several stepping forward to shake his hand,
but then going back to their conversations. A few asked him a bit about
himself and how he liked it so far.
One of the ladies said "I guess Joe won't be coming today"
One of the men snorted a laugh and mentioned something about "the queer"
that Arthur didn't quite catch.
He drew a deep breathe and said "No he won't be, I invited him to come along
with me but he said it's still too soon after Tim's death. I can understand
that, it must be a great loss for him"
There was almost a deathly silence that came over the group. It seemed that
everyone had turned and stared at him.
"You... uh you talked to him?" Asked Delores
Arthur had a sense of where this was going and figured he might as well get
hung for the sheep as the lamb.
"Yes I was in to see him and his nephew last night to see how he was doing.
We also talked today. Seems like a very nice man, but losing Tim I think
has really hit him hard. Though that shouldn't be a surprise they were
after all partners for 23 years. You don't just walk away from a
relationship like that."
Some of the people nodded but no one said anything. So Arthur continued more
softly
"I know how he must feel having just buried my wife of 33 years not 3 months
ago."
Delores came up to him "How terrible it must be for you, I'm so sorry to
hear that"
After that most of the people were a little friendlier with him and included
him into their conversations.
One of the men later in talking to him said, "So you were in to see Joe
huh?"
Arthur nodded
"Thought you were one of them, when you started talking there, you had us
worried"
"Why?" Asked Arthur, deciding to let the man bury himself.
"Well you know what those people are like."
"No, what are they like? Joe seems like an ordinary person to me"
"Well he may seem ordinary, but those queers you never know what they're up
to, probably abusing kids."
Arthur felt his anger rising, and struggled to bring it down. "Well now why
would you say that? Have Tim and Joe ever given you cause to think that?"
Sensing Arthur's change in demeanour the man backed off a bit, but felt he
had to explain himself. "Well no but that's what queers do, they go after
little boys to make more queers"
"Sir" Arthur said perhaps a little more forcefully than he had intended "In
actually fact the statistics on child abuse and molestation shows that the
vast majority of abusers are heterosexual men such as yourself.
Heterosexual men who abuse both little girls AND little boys, did you know
that?"
The man backed up a little; others were now looking over
"N..no I didn't know that" he said looking a bit uncomfortable
"Did you also know" continued Arthur, bringing his voice down to
conversational level, "that overwhelming evidence shows that most homosexual
people simply find that as they grow up through adolescence that they are
gay just as others are straight. In other words a person is gay simply
because they are gay, it is not either by choice nor by force, they just
are."
Everyone was quiet now as they listened to the conversation. The man was
now obviously embarrassed to be the focus of attention.
"You know rather than bad mouthing Tim and Joe with accusations and
suggestions and innuendo about what they might have done, for which there
is no support, and borders on slander, we should be giving Joe the support
that we give any grieving loved one who has just lost his or her partner. I
know what he is going through and it hurts a lot."
With that Arthur smiled at the man put his hand on his shoulder, gave it a
squeeze , turned and said, "So what's for supper?"
There was a sort of uncomfortable silence for a short while, until Arthur
asked the man he had "attacked" what he had done for a living. Then things
got more comfortable and relaxed. However most folks seemed to give him
wide berth most of the evening. He left about 7:30 and dropped in on Joe on
his way home.
As Joe poured him a cup of tea, he related the events of the evening.
"I don't think I made a very good first impression with the folks Joe. I
doubt I'll be invited out to tea anywhere soon" he laughed
"What did you do!?"
"Well I got onto a roll and had to set Bill straight, so to speak on some of
his ignorant assumptions. I couldn't stop myself once I got going"
"Yeah Bill doesn't possess a shortness of ignorant assumptions" muttered
Joe "He started a petition to have us evicted, a letter from our lawyer set
him and his little committee straight on that"
"It is unfortunate that in this day and age people can still be so mediaeval
in their thoughts and actions toward others" added Arthur
"I merely told him that rather than bad mouthing you and Tim they should be
showing you some kindness in your grief."
There was an awkward silence as each sipped at the tea, deep in thought.
"Thank you Arthur, you have been really kind to me in the last 24 hours"
"Well Joe I know what you are going through and frankly because of that it
is kind of selfish on my part because you know what I'm going through too
and it is a comfort for me to talk to someone who understands my pain"
Joe reached across the table and lightly touched Arthur's hand and then
withdrew it again "I want you to know then that I'm here for you"
"And I for you Joe"
The sat quietly for a while drinking their tea, Arthur put his cup down
"Well I guess I'd better be on my way, it's getting late. You're still
coming for Dinner tomorrow? Show up anytime you like, I figure we'll eat
about 4:30/5 but please come earlier. I will probably be going to church in
the morning but should be back by 12:30 or so."
"Sounds good" replied Joe... I'll show up sometime in the afternoon, I'm
looking forward to it, I don't think it's going to be much fun eating alone
for the next little while"
"You got that right man" said Arthur as he headed out the door... "See you
tomorrow then."
Sunday morning came, Arthur took his car to work and changed at work and
then made his way to a little church he had found nearby, He had tried a
couple different churches since he had moved into town but had not been to
that one yet. It was a small evangelical chapel ... something
non-denominational.
He was greeted at the door and slipped into his favourite place in a church,
a back seat.
He was one of the first to arrive so he was able to watch who was coming in.
He was a little surprised to see Bill's wife walk in and then Bill! They
seemed equally surprised to see him, but they greeted him non-the-less.
They seemed uncomfortable as they sat in front of him, obviously their
normal spot. Arthur chatted briefly with them, weather, and the good food
at the BBQ and other inane things.
It was by and large a good service, a lot of singing and good preaching.
Arthur quite liked it. "I think I'll come back here again" he thought as
the service ended. The Pastor talked to him at the door as he left,
welcoming him to the services and hoped that he would come back again.
Arthur thought he should invite the Pastor over some evening for a chat but
then thought better of it, for now. Perhaps a little later, once he decided
if he would continue attending.
He stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things he still needed for
dinner and headed home. He was quite happy. And now he was looking forward
to a pleasant evening with Joe.
While he wanted to come out to Joe, he didn't think it was time yet. Joe
might think that he was hitting on him, which, well, well he really wasn't,
but that was not entirely out of the question at some later date. Right now
Joe and he both needed just to have each other's comfort and company and
that made Arthur feel good.
Joe arrived at about 2:45. Arthur called him in, from the kitchen where he
was busy putting things together. Soon they were both working on dinner,
Joe just made himself right at home, and Arthur suddenly noticed that it was
as if they belonged there in the kitchen together. They were chatting and
laughing and bumping into each other as they went for this or that. Joe was
obviously not someone that liked to sit down while someone else was working.
At one point he suddenly stopped, looking totally embarrassed "I can't
believe that I have just barged in here and taken over helping with dinner"
he sat down "What must you think of me?" He put his hands up to his face,
and started to sob.
Arthur came over to him and put his arm over Joe's shoulder as he crouched
down beside the chair. "Joe, you want to know what I was thinking?"
"I was just thinking how natural it was the way we were working together in
here, I was thinking that it was like we belonged together here in this
kitchen, and it was a good feeling."
Joe regained some of his composure "It just suddenly hit me this is exactly
what Tim and I were doing last Sunday afternoon. Preparing dinner together,
talking and laughing just like this."
Arthur stood up and pulled Joe to him in a hug. Nothing more was said, he
was struggling within himself to hold back the tears. He went back to the
stove and continued putting the meal together. Joe sat for a moment longer
and then got up and went outside. Arthur could see him through the window
walking about the yard, looking at the flowerbeds. His heart went out to
the man in his grief.
When dinner was ready, Arthur went outside as well and went over to Joe and
gently told him that all was ready.
"I'm sorry " said Joe "I just ... " he paused "I don't know what
happened"
"Listen if you would rather be by yourself, I understand. We could do this
another time, maybe I was pushing you too fast."
"No" Joe smiled at Arthur "We , er You took the time to prepare this
meal I would like to have something to eat , if the invitation is still
open"
Arthur grinned in relief "It is always open Joe, let's go in and eat"
They enjoyed a rather subdued meal together, each in their own thoughts.
Joe left soon after supper, apologising. "I'm sorry about eating and
running Art... it's not you but I have to be alone, I'm real sorry"
Arthur could see the tears in the man's eyes, and telling him not to be
concerned saw him away. He spent a quiet evening by himself, first cleaning
up the dinner dishes, then just watching some television till the news when
he went to bed.
The next day was a workday so he was off to work early. Joe's house was
still in darkness as he walked by. Arthur had a great morning on the job.
Just being in the greenhouses with the plants seemed to lift his spirits,
and he was soon singing his way through the morning.
On the way home he thought he would stop to talk to Joe if he was out in the
yard when he went by. However Joe was nowhere to be seen so he just
continued on home.
Joe for his part, did not spend a good night and finally fell asleep about 3
AM, he didn't get up till 10:30 that morning. He felt bad about the
previous evening and hoped he could make it up to Art, that is if Art even
wanted to talk to him again.
He knew that the other man was struggling with his own grief and probably
needed as much comfort as he did.
Around 1:30 PM that afternoon he saw Arthur come up the street. He watched
him from the living room as the man came up to his drive, look into the
yard, pause, and then continue on home. Joe's heart was pounding, he wanted
to run out and call Arthur in, but he was afraid. Maybe later he could go
up and see if ... He just was so unsure of himself right now.
Just then his phone rang. It was his nephew Mark calling from Toronto,
asking how he was, and how dinner had gone the night before. Joe told him
what had happened, and how he had basically fled right after supper. They
talked for a long time about what was going on in his life. Often there
were tears as they talked. Part of what was going on was that Joe was
having feelings for Arthur and he felt guilty about it and ashamed and
totally confused. How could he have feelings for a man he barely knew,
that he had just met? He had just lost a man that had been his whole life
for the last 23 years, how could he be so unfaithful to Tim's memory. He
and Tim had been very much in love, he could believe how quickly he could
turn his head. All these questions were racing through his mind. Besides
Arthur was obviously straight, he had been married for 33 years, he had 3
kids, he obviously loved his wife and he clearly loved his kids. How could
he be thinking this way about this man?
Mark just let Joe talk himself out, adding a comment here and there. He
knew Joe needed to talk. He knew that Joe was going through some major grief
and needed to get it out, so that he was not bottling it up inside.
Finally Joe stopped as if to take a breath, then Mark heard a deep ragged
sigh. "What am I going to do Mark?"
Mark was silent for a moment, wishing so much that he could be with the
older man right now to comfort him. "Uncle Joe, what you are feeling is
normal. You are missing Tim, you are missing have him hold you and you miss
having him with you. Now this other man comes by when you are at your most
emotionally vulnerable, and so is he actually, but he comes along and
provides you the comfort that you are needing right now so you find that
your emotions are being attached to him somehow. That is just normal Uncle
Joe"
Mark paused, wondering if is Uncle was going to say anything but there was
just silence on the other end of the line, so he continued
"I think Arthur just wants to help you. He seems like a nice man, and
remember he just lost his wife not long ago and probably needs you as much
as you need him. Uncle Joe I wouldn't be too worried about him, you just
need to remember as gentle and kind as he is, he is straight but I'm sure
that you can be good friends all the same. I would invite him for tea and
explain something of what you are feeling, you can decide how much you want
to tell him but I would think you have to have someone to talk to and you
need a friend right now. I just wish I could be there for you."
Joe was weeping silently as he listened to his nephew. He was a good kid
and he loved him dearly. He was so good to talk to and bounce ideas off of.
And Joe knew that he could trust this young man. He was right of course,
Joe needed a friend right now and Arthur had presented himself as a friend,
so he should cultivate that. Mark was probably right that in his mind he
was transferring the affection and love he felt for Tim to Arthur, so he
would have to be careful there.
"Thank you Mark, it is so good to talk things out with you. You are right,
I'm going to talk to Arthur. I hope he still wants to talk to me."
"I'm sure he does Uncle Joe, I'm sure he does."
"I'm going to let you go now Mark, this is costing you a fortune, and you
don't need to be sitting there listening to this old bugger sobbing over the
phone" He gave a little laugh with that.
"Uncle Joe if I can help you I don't care how long the call is, I just wish
I could be there with you"
"I do to Mark " they talked for a few more minutes and then hung up. It
was about 3:45, they had actually talked for almost two hours! He would
have to remember to send some money to Mark to help him pay for the phone
bill.
He paced around the living room for several minutes, wondering what to do
and how he could talk to Arthur again, what would he say?
In the mean time Arthur had thought he had seen a shadow behind the drapes
in the Joe's living room as he walked by after work. He wanted to go in but
thought better of it, maybe later. He went home shower and changed into a
pair of shorts. Then he went through his mail and made himself some lunch
and a cup of tea.
What could he do for Joe, he wanted to go see if he was ok but at the same
time he didn't want to force himself on the man. To be honest he almost
thought that he was starting to have feelings for the man. Joe was actually
a rather attractive man, about his own age. Obviously he exercised and took
care of himself. Which reminded him that he had to go sign up at the local
fitness centre.
But Joe wasn't going to be interested in him, the poor man was going through
some heavy grief right now and he certainly couldn't come on to him in this
situation. That would be taking advantage of his emotional state. At the
same time he too needed a friend right now to help him over the grieving
hump that he was going through and the last couple days had proved that Joe
was just what he needed.
As he was thinking this there was a knock on the door.
Joe paced around the house for an hour after he hung up from Mark, trying to
decide what he should do. Mark was right of course, Arthur was a straight
man, he'd been married for 33 years! You don't stay married that long if
you are gay. And he knew it was his grief and loss of Tim that had him in
the emotional state he was in right now. He was imagining that he was
attracted to this total stranger.
What must Arthur be thinking of him the way he left the night before? He
probably won't want to talk to me again. But he seems like such a nice
sincere man. "He said that if I needed to talk to him that I was always
welcome" Joe thought half out loud. What should he do. Maybe he should
just go over there and apologise for his actions last night and see what
happens.
Arthur opened the door to see Joe standing there. "Joe!!" he almost
shouted "I was just thinking about you, I'm so happy you came" He opened
the door wide and gave Joe a hug as he crossed the threshold.
Joe was a little taken aback but returned the hug. It felt good to be on
the receiving end of a hug by another man. Arthur pulled back, he was
flushed, he had almost forgotten how good it felt to receive a hug from
another gay man. "I'm sorry" he stuttered "it was just so good to see
you"
"I ... uh I came over to apologise for last night, I was very rude" began
Joe
Arthur stepped right in "Don't think anything of it, I was not offended at
all, I just hope it wasn't anything that I had done. Joe I know you are
going through some horrible times right now, I hope I'm not being to pushy
for you making you think that you have to visit with me. I'm afraid I've
been in part at least a little selfish here, I've really needed a friend
that I can talk to about my own grief..." the words came out in a rush, and
then he paused, his thoughts had run out. He bowed his head
"It wasn't you Art.. I'm afraid I was having some thoughts that were
confusing me and I just had to leave, before I did or said something that I
would have regretted."
"well you're here now . how about a cuppa tea, it is a beautiful day we can
go sit out on the deck and take in a few rays, while we talk." He touched
Joe's arm "I'm so glad you came over" then he went and put the kettle on
The touch sent an electric shock through Joe's body.
"I uh... " regaining his composure " I talked to Mark this afternoon"
"Did you? How is he doing? The next time you talk to him you have to tell
him I said hi."
Joe smiled "I'll do that "
They carried their tea out to the deck and sat at the table there
Joe looked at Arthur "I have to tell you this, I hope when I am done you
will still want to talk to me, if not that' ok too, I will understand but I
have to tell you this, I hope you will hear me out."
Arthur nodded and Joe cleared his throat and started. "It 's about last
night, I talked to Mark about it today. Art I had so many things going on
last night. I guess I just miss Tim so much that when you hugged me last
night it was just as though it was Tim. I felt the same way. It confused
me, we had such a good time yesterday afternoon, preparing dinner, it was
exactly what Tim and I used to do. I suddenly had the feeling that I was
attracted to you because of it. Mark thinks it is just because of how close
Tim and I were. "
Joe looked over at Arthur "I hope I haven't offended you by this. I was so
confused. I couldn't believe that less than a week after Tim had died I was
already looking at another man. I felt so bad"
Art reached over and took Joe's hand "I fully understand Joe and I would
tend to agree with Mark, it was probably just your emotions finding another
place to associate you love for Tim. Don't worry I'm not offended, you're
feeling a lot of the things I myself have felt for the last couple months."
Arthur's' mind all the while was reeling, he had to be careful and choose
the right time to come out to this man. It could change the whole
friendship. Maybe he should talk to Mark himself. "It sounds like Mark is
a smart young man, maybe I should talk to him too? He joked "Seriously
though maybe I should. I want to help you as much as I can, because when I
help you I'm helping myself.
They sat quietly for a while and then just chatted about nothing in general.
It was good to just have company, and to have someone to talk to.
After a while Joe got up and announced he had to get home. They had had a
good time together and there was no discomfort at this parting.
The next afternoon he got a phone call. "hello Arthur?" he heard on the
other end
"Yes?"
"This is Mark"
"Mark??? Is everything alright? I didn't see your Uncle today yet but he
was fine last night when he went home."
"He is fine Arthur, he said you were wanting my phone number."
Arthur blushed in spite of himself, he gave a nervous laugh. I uh We were
just talking about how you had been so helpful to your Uncle that I should
get your phone number"
"Yeah that's about what Uncle Joe said" Mark laughed "well I thought I'd
give you a quick call and give you my number so that if you ever need it you
can give me a call .. any time Arthur, day or night. Uncle Joe was very
much relieved after talking to you yesterday afternoon, I'm happy that he
has someone there to be his friend,
"I can appreciate that Arthur. You two take care now." He then gave Arthur
his number and said good bye.
Arthur pondered the call for some time.
After supper that night after he had all the dishes cleared away and washed
up he took the chance and gave Joe a call just to see how he was doing. He
was fine and was going to make it an early night.
"Yeah so am I, for some reason I'm exhausted, I just wanted to see that
you're ok"
"I'm fine friend"
"thank you for giving Mark my number, he gave me his, it was very kind of
you, make me feel like part of the family almost"
They talked briefly for a couple more minutes, Arthur telling him about his
call from Mark.
After that they both said good-bye and hung up. Both men were smiling as
they got ready for bed that night. They both slept better than they had in
a week and for Arthur better than he had slept for a couple months.
It was good to have a friend to talk to.
The week went well for Arthur. At the greenhouse he was complimented on his
work and attitude. They had already gotten some comments from customers
saying how helpful he was. This was going to be his long week, 12 days
straight, but he was enjoying the work and it was only half days so it
wasn't that bad.
On Thursday afternoon he called on Joe and invited him to join him a
Buschart Gardens the following afternoon, just for something to do.
They spent a great afternoon together, just enjoying the glorious colours on
display. The setting and arrangement of plants and trees and landscaping
Arthur always found spectacular. This was his third visit over the last
several years. After wandering through the gardens for several hours they
decided to stop at Kelsey's, a Steak house in downtown Victoria for supper.
It was a wonderful day and evening for both of them.
The next two or three weeks moved along quietly. Arthur's daughter and
husband and kids came to visit one of his weekends off. They went up the
coast for a day up around Jordan River, and had a picnic. On Sunday they
all went to church and then Arthur took them out to dinner.
On the Saturday evening Joe came over and joined them for tea. Later after
Joe had left Arthur's daughter asked him if there was something they should
know about him.
"No, he's just been a friend to me. We both had lost someone we love and so
it has been good to have someone that understands what I'm feeling. That's
all, we're just friends"
"Ok Dad, I just had to ask. You know you do talk about him a lot when we
call you, and I noticed tonight that you both seem to pay a lot of attention
to each other."
"Do I really talk about him a lot?
"Yes Dad you do, Melissa and Jarred have both mentioned it as well, so it
isn't just me"
Arthur sat there, he hadn't noticed that Joe had become such a part of him.
"Well there is nothing going on that I'm aware of." He smiled at his
daughter and gave her a kiss "So you can tell the other two that this is
just an innocent friendship"
They both laughed, but Joanne wasn't too sure. She and her husband had both
noticed that there was some sort of bond between the two men. She was
happy for her dad that he had a friend to be there for him. However
although she had voiced to her dad that he should find himself someone, she
wasn't sure she was ready to think of her dad in any kind of close
relationship with another man.
Throughout the summer Arthur and Joe spent a fair bit of time together.
They often went for long walks along the "Galloping Goose Trail" that ran
through the Victoria and South Island region. They both took up roller
blading and by the end of the summer most of their scrapes and cuts and
bruises were healing and they were actually not doing too badly. They both
found they loved walking the beaches, which they often did, taking day and
afternoon trips up the coast.
They both found that their mutually shared pain had started to ease. They
also found that they were looking for each other during the day. Joe would
often find himself standing in his living room looking out the window down
the road watching for Arthur to return home from work.
Arthur for his part would look for the shadow behind the drapes.
They both found that there was a real friendship developing between them,
which both heartened them but also worried them both some
Arthur by now had been going fairly regularly to the church and was now
being greeted by several of the members. Early in September the church was
planning an end of summer BBQ to which the pastor had personally invited
him. Arthur asked the pastor if he could invite Joe. He explained briefly
that because they had both lost a loved one earlier that year that they had
been supporting each other in their grief and had become friends. Arthur
thought it would be nice for Joe to invite him as well. "Pastor there is
something else about Joe that you would hear if he comes with me; Joe is
gay, the partner he lost was his lover of 23 years" The Pastor looked at
Arthur, "He is still welcome Arthur"
Arthur told Joe about the BBQ and invited him. "Does your Pastor know I'm
gay" Asked Joe.
"Yes he does Joe. I told him right after I told him that you are my friend.
Bill I'm sure will tell the pastor when he sees us arrive, which was why I
told him."
"I don't know Art, I don't want to be the subject of a scene"
"If there is a scene we will both be the subject, I won't leave you to stand
on your own. Besides I notice that I wasn't invited to the Fall BBQ at the
community centre yet and I would like to go to the BBQ, and I would like to
have you there with me as my friend."
"Well..." hedged Joe
"C'mon, if it gets strange we'll leave as simple as that"
Joe finally agreed, he was happy to be invited, but it was like he needed
the assurance that he would be safe. That is what Tim had always done for
him. Tim was always there to stand up for him and defend him. Now here was
this "straight " widower doing the same thing for him.
Joe had made several phone calls to Mark during the summer telling him how
he and Arthur had done this and that , where they had gone. Mark was
pleased to hear his uncle's cheerfulness returning again. He also wondered
about Arthur, he wondered at times just how straight he really was. He also
worried that his uncle might come to a point where he would be looking for
more than a friendship from Arthur and then it would all be over. Arthur
knew that his uncle was gay, how would he react if Uncle Joe were to come on
to him one day? Mark didn't want his uncle to get hurt, he had had enough
pain this year. But should he do? Should he approach Art and ask him what
he thought?
The last time he talked with Uncle Joe he had told him about going to the
church BBQ. He told him what Arthur had said about protecting him. "You
know it is almost like Tim used to be Mark. I know Art is straight but he
is ... I don't know what it is .. I can't put my finger on it, sometimes
the things he says or does it is almost like he were .. well, gay himself...
I don't know, but I know I like to be with him, and I don't want to ruin
that. At times I would just like to take him and give him a kiss, but then
I would loose him wouldn't I?"
Mark could tell that Joe was almost just thinking out loud to himself.
"Uncle Joe, I would say just wait for now, I know I've been thinking some of
these same things. Would you like me to talk to him?"
"No, I think I should just let this ride for now, maybe later, but you gotta
know he has been the subject of many J/O sessions" Joe laughed
Mark laughed out loud at his uncle "I'll bet he has!, have you noticed if
he has had any lady friends around at all?"
"Not that I've noticed but I don't think he is looking. He told me earlier
this summer that he really wasn't interested in getting into another
relationship with a woman right now"
"Or maybe not ever" Mark suggested
"I don't know, there is always hope" Joe laughed "Mark? " He continued "If
someone like Arthur were to come around would you think it was awful of me
...well you know...?"
"Uncle I would be happy if you could find someone again as good for you as
Tim was for you, it would make me feel a lot better with you so far away and
alone"
"That's good, that makes me feel better as well, I didn't want you to think
that I had just thrown Tim out of my mind. I could never forget him, but I
sure could use some company in my bed at night"
"I know Uncle and if Arthur were that man I gather you wouldn't look much
further?" Mark asked
"I think I would certainly consider it, it's just he has a family and I
don't know how they would figure in this"
"Well Uncle Joe, right now it's just conjecture right? We can cross that
bridge when we get there."
"Yeah I guess so... Well I guess I'd better let you go, It is so good to
have you as my nephew you know that Mark, I love you my boy"
"I love you too Uncle Joe, you know I'm always here for you"
"I know , good night now"
They hung up, both smiling to themselves thinking about what might be.
Joe was not the only person struggling with his feeling. Just up the
street the object of his conversation with Mark was having his own
misgivings and confusion. He was obviously attracted to Joe of that there
was no doubt. He hadn't even gone on the internet to look for anyone. But
how to approach Joe? Joe thought he was straight, if he came out to him
now what would he think? Would he think that he was stalking Joe and that
all his concern and friendship was just sham? Had he allowed a long enough
period of time to pass before he could even think about this? He could
really see a relationship with this gentle man. They just seemed to be made
for each other. The fact that inspite of his age Joe was a very handsome
and well-built man didn't hurt either. That fact had been the subject of
many a session in the shower, throughout the summer. Maybe it was time to
talk to someone. But who could he talk to? His eldest daughter Joanne?
Maybe he should call Mark. He definitely had to talk to Mark at some point
in time but not yet. He couldn't talk to Joe yet, but he would have to talk
to him sooner or later and he as getting the impression that it would have
to be sooner rather than later. That of course meant that he would have to
talk to either his daughter or Mark even sooner. What was he going to do?
He didn't want to loose Joe, even if it was just as a friend. There wasn't
a day went by that Arthur wasn't thinking about this.
The following Saturday was the BBQ Arthur and Joe arrived at the church
fashionably late, actually most others were also just kind of arriving.
Arthur brought their donations to the meal to the table that was set up for
the purpose. Arthur had made his "Western Rice Casserole " and Joe
brought a large dish of "Eggs Benedict" Arthur had also made a Banana Loaf
for the dessert table.
Pastor met them at the tables and welcomed them both. He gave a warm
welcome to Joe and expressed his belated condolences. Joe was quite
impressed by him.
They saw Bill and his wife across the yard and waved to them. Bill
visibly blanched as he saw them and saw the Pastor in animated conversation
with Joe. The Pastor and the two men chatted for several moments before the
pastor was needed to welcome everyone there and say the grace.
After the prayer Arthur guided Joe in to the line up. What with the
casseroles and salads and the hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill, there
was plenty to eat. Both men were complemented on their offerings to the
meal. The complements were obviously sincere because later they both went
home with empty containers.
As they were eating the met with Bill and his wife Millie. Millie said hi,
Bill looked at Joe and said "What are you doing here?"
"I invited him" replied Arthur
"You might have asked someone if it was alright to do that" muttered Bill.
Millie nudged him and he glared at her. She moved away to join some of the
other ladies, but not before she said "It is good to see you both here
tonight" Bill scowled at her
"Well Bill when the Pastor invited me, I approached him about inviting Joe
as well, he did not hesitate to extend that invitation" Arthur replied,
smiling at Millie
"yeah but you probably failed to mention that Joe is a qu..."
"gay? That was one of the first things that Arthur told me when he asked if
he could bring Joe" The voice came from behind Bill... it was the Pastor.
Bill gave a start and spun around to face the Pastor. The Pastor actually
had to step back. I hope Joe, you are enjoying yourself, your egg "thing"
is excellent, I was sent over by my wife to get the recipe. He grinned over
at Joe
"I will see to it that you get it sir" said Joe, breaking into a grin after
the tense moments.
Pastor turned to Bill and said he wanted to talk to him for a moment. He
turned again to Joe and Arthur "Excuse us please"
Pastor took Bill aside "Bill, I'm disappointed, what you were doing was
rather rude. Do you think the Lord would approve of the way you are
treating this man?"
"Pastor" Bill almost hissed back "That man is a queer and I'm beginning to
think that Arthur is one too the way they spend so much time together. They
are sinners and it galls me to hear Arthur singing in the pew behind us as
though he was as one of us, and it galls me that he had the nerve to bring
that man here"
"Well Bill, actually it is not for you or I to make that call. What they
are doing, or not,, that is something they will have to answer to God for,
it is not my business. It is our business however to bring them to the
Lord and we are not going to that by making them unwelcome. "
Pastor continued "I understand they have both lost someone this past year.
Arthur lost his wife of 33 years and Joe there his partner of 23 years.
What I see is two men that have found something in common, their mutual pain
and they are healing together. Have you offered any comfort to either of
them Bill? You and Millie live on the same block don't you?"
"I will never set foot into either house, I will not be seen to condoning
homosexuality, and I would be careful Pastor that you aren't either. " Bill
looked hard into the Pastor's eyes, turned and called to Millie that they
were leaving.
This exchange of ideas was all made out of earshot of everyone else,
although a number of the parishioners could see that it was not a friendly
chat between Bill and the Pastor, it rarely was.
Pastor stood there for a moment, and watch as Millie ran after her husband
making hasty farewells to her friends. Several people shook their heads as
they left.
Joe and Arthur enjoyed themselves, Arthur making sure that Joe was not made
to feel uncomfortable. After Bill left most of the folk enjoined the two
men in conversation. The Pastor as well joined them and chatted for a
while. He mentioned that he wanted to get together with Arthur sometime in
the near future to chat. Arthur said that would be fine but made no
commitment to a specific time.
Arthur and Joe left earlier than most but not after receiving complements
all around from their dishes. Several people also invited Joe to services,
including the Pastor. Joe showed more insight than the Pastor expected, in
replying to his invitation. "I don't think that is wise right now sir,
though I thank you sincerely for you invitation and your kindness to me,
however I don't think that I want to have a split in your congregation on my
conscience."
"I understand" replied the Pastor "but I want you to know that there is an
open invitation for you"
"Thank you, and please tell you dear wife that I will have the recipe to her
soon. I'll print it out tomorrow."
The Pastor laughed and thanked him and they left.
Arthur went to church in the morning. Millie smiled and nodded at him, Bill
refused to acknowledge his presence.
The next couple weeks were quiet. Both men were busy in their gardens
getting many of the vegetables in and into storage and freezer. They were
both deep in thought as well about what this friendship was developing to.
Both were wondering how to solve the problem.
They met at least 3 times a week for roller blading and had started to take
up squash at the fitness centre. But both noted that the other was quieter
than normal of late.
One evening just be for the Thanksgiving Weekend in October (Canada), Joe
got a call from Mark to tell him that he would not be able to make it up for
the long weekend as originally planned. Joe was quite disappointed and made
mention the next day to Arthur as they were out for a walk, that Mark
wasn't coming over for the holiday. Arthur could see that his friend was
disappointed but that meant that he could have Joe over for Thanksgiving
dinner and invited him immediately "Well you're not going to be alone Joe.
You're coming over to join us at my place for dinner. All my kids and
their families are coming for the weekend and I want you to join us at least
for dinner on Sunday.
"There is no way I'm going barge in on your family Art.. Thanksgiving is a
family time. I'll just be out of place. "
Arthur looked at Joe.... Then to Joe's surprise, took him by the shoulders
and in just slightly above a whisper. "You are family Joe." Arthur turned
beet red, embarrassed at what he said and done. He let go of Joe and they
in total silence turned and continued walking. Joe didn't protest at the
invitation anymore, he was totally confused at the physical and verbal
gesture that Art had made to him. When they arrived back at Joe's driveway
. It was Joe's turn to surprise Art. He gave the man a hug. "thank you
man you are a true friend"
He turned and walked up the driveway and into the house without looking
back.
Arthur couldn't describe the feeling of the hug, but he had difficulty
keeping his composure as he walked up the street to his house. It was time
to do some talking. He got the phone and dialled his daughter's number.
"Honey we need to talk" He began when his daughter picked up the phone.
"Hi to you too Dad" she laughed. At the same time she was cringing thinking
about what her father was about to "talk" to her about.
Arthur laughed, at her and realised he hadn't even greeted her in his haste.
"I'm sorry, it's just that I have something on my mind and I need to talk to
someone about it. The thing is I don't know how or where to start. I'd
start at the beginning if I knew where the beginning was"
"Dad is this about Joe?"
Arthur paused then softly answered "Yes it is and I'm not sure what to do"
"Well Dad what do you mean by that, has something changed that you are not
friends anymore"
"we are just as much friends as ever... as a matter of fact I think we have
become more then friends... we just haven't said or done anything about it
yet."
"I know you are having trouble with my being gay, but this is not just about
being gay Sweetheart, this man has become a very dear friend. I find that I
look for him every day. We go for walks together, we play squash, go roller
blading, hiking., shopping everything. I love being with him. He makes me
feel comfortable. He has been a real comfort to me these last few months.
"Can't you just continue being friends then Dad?"
"We could, but I think that we are becoming more than just friends. I know
I'm sounding like some young lovesick teenager, but ... I don't know.
"I invited him to join us at Thanksgiving, his nephew was to fly in from
Toronto for the weekend but had to bow out. He was very disappointed. I
invited him to at least come for the Thanksgiving Dinner. He objected, but
I insisted. That's when he gave me a hug."
"He hugged you? Dad be careful"
"It was just a hug honey" Arthur laughed "but I felt it right down to my
toes, he may not think it more I don't know, but I know it is"
"The only problem, is that he thinks I'm straight. I haven't told him that
I am gay, so now if I come out to him what is he going to think? He might
just get angry that I've been deceiving him, lying to him, it might be
over."
"Do you really think that he would do that Dad? You describe him as a kind
gentle man, someone who is always concerned about the feelings of others.
And now you're afraid he will cut your friendship off because you didn't
tell him you're gay? That doesn't sound like the man you described before.
I think Dad that if you want this friendship to grow any further you have to
tell him and let the chips fall where they may. If he is anything like the
man you have described to me you might have to be prepared for another hug
or more when you tell him."
"do you really think so?"
"Dad I think at worst even if he is upset, he will come around and still be
your friend, if you want I can talk to him if he really gets upset with you,
but somehow I don't think he will. Tell him Dad."
"So you think that I should tell him then?"
"Tell me what do the other two, what do the three of you really think of
me?"
"Dad we all love you, Jarred is still having some struggles with it but he
is coming around, at least he is willing to accept that you are gay.
Melissa, well we both are still coming to terms with it as well, but Dad it
is your life and you have to live it the best you know how, just don't go
really weird on us" Joanne laughed as she said that
"What like going in drag? Don't worry guys I'm not a cross dresser"
They both laughed.
"You don't mind then that I invited Joe for dinner and maybe to join us at
some other times over the weekend?"
"No Dad, I'm sure he'll fit in fine, and we won't harass him"
"That's good, I guess I better call the other two and let them know that we
will be having a guest at the table"
"One more question Dad, does this mean I will be getting another father in
law, and what will the kids call him?"
Arthur laughed at that "Let's not jump the gun now we're only friends right
now"
"Yeah right now, but who know what may have happened between now and
Thanksgiving... bye Dad, Michael is calling for help have to go"
"bye lovie" Arthur hung up the phone, chuckling to himself.
He made two quick calls to the other two kids. Quick because they were much
like him, unless there was someone to keep the conversation going there
wasn't one. They did talk a few minutes though as he told them about Joe
going to be at dinner. He could feel his son's voice tense up as they
talked but he did say he was looking forward to the weekend.
Melissa had always been the more easy going of the three, when it came to
controversial issues. Whether it was because she was like him and always
tried to avoid confrontation or because she tended to look at the issue and
decide it wasn't worth worrying about, he wasn't sure. Whatever the case
she was just still as excited about flying out to see him with her husband.
She saw no problems that she would admit to anyway with having Joe as a
guest at dinner. Arthur could tell she wanted to ask if this was more than
just a friend and neighbour, but she held back and he didn't want to go into
it again if he didn't have to. He figured Joanne was already on the phone
with Jarred, and Melissa would closely follow him.
He had one more call to make, this was a difficult one but he knew he had to
do it. He got out the phone list.
The phone rang several times then a voice "Hello?"
"Mark?"
"Yes"
"Mark this is Arthur, you Uncle Joe's friend, do you have time to talk?"
Marks heart jumped "Is everything ok with Uncle Joe?"
"Yes he is fine, I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you, but I do have to talk
to you about him and about me"
Mark heard Arthur take a deep breath. "Has something happened Art?" he
asked cautiously.
"No, other than your uncle gave me a hug today..." he paused "But that was
not a problem, I wasn't mad at your uncle for doing that. I just am in a
dilemma, I don't know what to do, I haven't been totally honest with your
uncle, and I don't know how he will respond when I tell him. I don't want
to loose him as a friend"
Mark was trying to think about what this man was telling him. What could he
be hiding from Uncle Joe that ..."Art? Are you gay?" It all made sense.
Some of the things that Uncle Joe was sensing from Art. It made sense
There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Yes" sighed Arthur, and
then Mark heard the man start to sob. "I don't know why I didn't tell him
right away. There just never seemed to be a right time, I figured that if I
told him that he would think that I was stalking him or something and now I
grown to love your uncle, he is such a special guy..."
"Arthur!!! Art!!! " Mark shouted into the phone, trying to break into
Art's rambling and sobbing. He laughed "Art this is great!!! Uncle Joe
has been wondering about your for weeks, He thinks you're one of the
greatest. You take care of him the same way Tim did. He wishes you were
gay. He told me that his whole day revolves around seeing you. I think he
is in love too. "
"You think so?" asked Arthur
"I'm convinced of it. He called me tonight after you left him, and he told
me about the hug, and he worried that you might be offended. He also told
me about what you said to him, that he is part of your family. You can't
know what that means to him. With the exception of me his whole family
rejected him, disowned him completely. That was what the hug was all
about."
"Well Mark I was not offended by the hug at all, I felt it right down to my
toes, I haven't felt a hug like that for a very long time, no I was not
offended."
Arthur continued "So you think then that Joe won't be angry with me for not
telling him I am gay?"
"No he won't be" replied Mark and then he laughingly added "You might
consider going down there right now."
"Are you sure?"
"Positively... Uncle Arthur... "
A very soft voice replied "thank you Mark" Arthur hung up, Mark called him
Uncle
He ran to the bathroom and had a quick shower, and shave. Freshened up to
dressed in something a bit better than jeans and a T-shirt. Then shaking
from head to foot he walked down the street to Joe's home. Bill and Millie
drove by as he went. Millie waved, Bill only scowled at him. Arthur
thought he could see Bill shaking his head, the look on his face was
certainly one of disgust. He shrugged it off, the fear and shaking returned
as he turned up the driveway. The side door opened before he was halfway up
the drive. Joe stepped out smiling.
"Joe I think we need to talk"
They both went into the house, and sat in the kitchen where they usually
started when Art came to visit. This time however Arthur didn't sit down.
Joe looked at him smiling but a little puzzled.
"When I got home this afternoon Joe, I called my eldest daughter and we
talked for along time. Then I called the other two and told them about the
plans for Thanksgiving."
"I called Mark and told him" interjected Joe
"I know Joe, I called Mark too, he told me I should come and talk to you,
that he didn't think that you would be angry with me"
"I don't know how to tell you this so..." with that he stepped forward and
kissed Joe full on the lips, taking him into a full embrace. He broke off
the kiss and with his cheek against Joe's he said
"Joe? I think I've fallen in love with you"
They stood that way for several moments just holding each other. Joe simply
murmuring softly "Oh my, oh my"
"I know I should have told you right away Joe, but there never seemed to be
a right time and the longer I left it the harder it became to come out to
you. I am gay Joe, I've always been gay. I'm sorry I've kept this from
you"
Joe looked at him, tears streaming down his face "I can't tell you how
happy I am to have you tell me this. I was just telling Mark that even if
you aren't gay I want you as a friend and I would just have to accept that
there will be no more than just a friendship between us. I knew that I was
falling in love with you too, I was afraid that when I hugged you this
afternoon that you would be offended, I don't know what came over me but
when you told me that I was family, that meant so much to me. I haven't had
a family since I was in my teens. My family disowned me. When Mark
discovered that he was gay too he came and found me. He is the only family
I have. That is why we are so close"
Arthur held Joe closer "Well you have a new family now, I know I love you
very much, I have felt it growing throughout the summer, I know I want to be
with you all the time. "
They once more embraced and kissed
Arthur broke it off and stepped back. He was almost gasping for breath.
"but I have to go or I'm afraid of what I might do, and I think we have much
more talking to do. I want to do this right. " He gave Joe one more quick
kiss and ran out of the door and up the street to his house. He was shaking
both terrified and exhilarated all at once.
Joe stood there stunned at what had just happened and then a smile raced
across his face. He ran to the phone and dialled.
As he heard the phone being picked up he said. "And I love you so very much
as well" then he hung up and dialled again
As Mark fumbled for the phone beside his bed, glancing at the clock as he
did. It was 1:30! "Hullo?!" he mumbled
"He Loves ME!!!" came a voice on the other end of the line. "Oh Mark I'm
so happy, I had to call you!"
"Uncle Joe" was all he could say in his half sleep, but as the words made
themselves through to his brain he realised what he had just heard. And
grinned at his uncle's joy.
"I know Uncle Joe, and I'm so happy for you. Is Arthur there?"
"No he left right after he told me that he loved me, he said something about
wanting to this right and not trusting himself if he stayed any longer"
Mark laughed, this would work out okay. Arthur seemed to be a man with some
integrity. He wondered what he meant by doing it right.
They talked a few minutes, Joe obviously beside himself with joy. Finally
Mark called an end to the conversation. "Uncle Joe it is almost 2 AM here I
have to work in the morning, I'm going to have to let you go"
"I know Mark" Joe laughed "I was just so happy I had to call you"
"I'm real happy for you Uncle Joe, I think Arthur will be good for you and
you for him"
They hung up and Joe danced around the kitchen, he was so excited. He went
to bed but it was at least an hour before he finally drifted of to sleep.
The next few days leading up to the arrival of Arthur's family for the
Thanksgiving Weekend were both filled with preparation and excitement. The
two men were so in love, they were like two high school students. They went
and were seen everywhere together. They had however decided to wait the
consummation of their union until they could arrange for something that at
least the gay community would see and recognise as a legal union. They also
wanted to have Mark present for the ceremony.
The next thing on their plate though was meeting Arthur's family. Arthur
was both excited and frightened about it. He was not sure his son Jarred
would take to his lover.
The days leading up to the Weekend were divided between going to work in the
mornings and preparing, shopping, cooking and baking for the event.
The first to arrive was Melissa from Ontario late on Thursday evening.
Arthur and Joe went to the airport to pick her up. Joe could see her sizing
him up as they approached each other. This was not going to be easy he
knew.
Arthur hugged his daughter and then introduced Joe to her. She shook his
proffered hand and greeted him, then taking her father's arm they went to
get her bags. Arthur made a movement with his hand for Joe to walk beside
him. He would not be left out of the weekend or family.
Melissa was tired but also hungry so they found a restaurant downtown
Victoria that was open, and served delicious deserts. "Let the festivities
begin" laughed Arthur as the desserts arrived at their table. Melissa had
already by now warmed up to Joe and the three of them were chatting and
laughing together.
It was close to 2:30 AM before they finally arrived at Arthur's house. Joe
got out and wished them both a good night and went home. Melissa looked
after him and then at her dad who was also following the man's departure.
"Do you like him Dad? Is there more happening here?"
"I like him very much my dear" Arthur grabbed the suitcases and turned and
went inside, Melissa following close behind. Since it was so late they
didn't talk anymore that night. Arthur showed his daughter to the spare
room where she would be staying, at least for this night. They had not yet
figured out where they were going to put everyone.
Joe had insisted that he would not show up for breakfast the next morning.
"You and Melissa need some time to yourselves if she wants to talk."
Arthur protested but Joe just refused to consider it. The rest of the
family was going to arrive that evening. Jarred was driving in from the
interior of BC that day and going to meet Joanne and Barry and the kids at
their house and they were all coming over on the ferry together. Joanne was
going to call to tell Arthur when he could expect them to arrive.
So he had a full day to spend with his daughter. He had been able to swing
Friday and the entire weekend off.
Arthur got up about 9 AM and his daughter shortly after that. He made them
breakfast and they sat and just enjoyed each other's company. They talked a
little about this and that, "weather chat" as Arthur liked to call it.
Melissa finally broke the ice and asked "Dad? What's happening with you and
Joe?"
Arthur laughed nervously "Well dear we have become good friends over the
summer. He has been there for me and I have been there for him. His
partner of 23 years died suddenly shortly after I arrived here so we both
had something in common, but you know all that. However I didn't tell him I
am gay until last week. We haven't done anything together from that aspect,
but we have spent a lot of time together and I hope to spend a lot more time
with him."
"OK... but what is he like, what did he say when you finally told him, I
can't believe that you went this entire time without telling him. He seems
like a nice enough man"
That all tumbled out of her mouth in true Melissa fashion
Arthur smiled "honey he is a very nice man, he is kind and gentle,
considerate. Because he thought that I was straight there was never any
reason to put on false airs, we were just friends that needed each other in
our grief. He has been a very good friend. We find that we are really
quite compatible. I hope that you will like him too, he really is a very
nice man, I know it means a lot to him to be accepted "
They talked for a while. Mel wasn't sure what to think but her father did
seem to be quite happy. It was almost noon by the time they had breakfast
cleared away. Arthur announced to his daughter that they were going to go
the famous Buchart Gardens for the afternoon, the three of them. He called
Joe to see if he was ready and they were soon on the road.
Joe sat in the back while Melissa was in the front with her father. Arthur
made sure however that Joe was included in all the conversation, and Melissa
for her part, didn't leave him out either.
They had a great time at the gardens. It was Melissa's first time out and
she had never been there. She shared her father's love for plants, and as
it turned out that of her father's new love. She found herself chatting
about this plant or flowerbed with Joe as much as with her dad. The
afternoon passed quickly and quite pleasantly, finished off by a visit to
the restaurant for tea and the souvenir shop. It was close to 6 PM when
they got back home.
There was a message on the answering machine from Joanne saying that they
would be arriving about 9 PM. Joe decided to go home, to leave Arthur and
his daughter some time together as they waited for the rest of the family to
arrive.
"You don't have to go Joe." Said Melissa much to the surprise of both men
"I think Jarred and Joanne will want to meet you as soon as they get here
and I want them to meet you too" With that she walked over to Joe and gave
him a kiss. "I'm glad for Dad that he has found you" she said in a low
voice for only Joe to hear
"Thank you " he said softly back to her. He gave her a hug "I guess I'll
stay then, how about we make something to eat for the gang so they can have
something when they arrive" He said moving to the kitchen. Arthur could
see that there were tears in his friend's eyes from what had just been
exchanged between him and Melissa, he also saw they were not tears of sorrow
or pain.
Melissa went with Joe in to the kitchen "So what are we making?" Arthur
watched them go and sat there for several minutes, listening to them chatter
away. It was a pleasant sound that made him very happy. He got up and
joined them in the kitchen. Soon they were all laughing and working
together.
As the time progressed to 9 PM, Arthur got more and more nervous and he
began to pace. At one point Joe went to him and took his hand "Art, relax"
he said quietly "don't worry, ok, we'll just take it as it comes, if it
is too uncomfortable I'll go home, there will be no hard feeling"
"I'll be alright just nervous that's all"
At about 9:15 they saw a car coming up the hill and then pull into the
driveway Arthur turned white, and then taking Joe by the hand, calling
Melissa they all went out to greet the rest of the family. He picked each
of the grandkids up, hugging and kissing them, he kissed Joanne and Jarred,
and gave Barry a hug. Then he introduced Joe to his son.
Jarred looked at this man that was with his father. He shook the proffered
hand. "pleased to meet you" he said. There was an uncomfortable silence and
then Barry shook Joe's hand and said, "I could use a cup of coffee"
They got the luggage out of the trunk and trooped in.
"Joe and Melissa were cooking up a storm earlier, I hope you're hungry. We
decided to wait till you arrived to eat."
There was a platter of cheese and cold cuts, a plate of assorted crackers,
some vegetable and pasta salads. For desert there were assorted pastries
and fruit. These things had all been prepared for. Melissa and Joe had put
it all together before the family had arrived.
Soon everyone was eating and chatting. Jarred was joining in as well but
you could tell he was giving Joe a wide berth. Joe whispered to Arthur
"don't worry Art he'll come around he just needs time"
Joe stayed for about 2 hours after they arrived, Arthur walked him home.
"You don't have to walk me home" Joe said once they were outside "I know
the way" They both laughed.
"Well I know my kids, I want them to have a chance to talk about you and us
and me and what it all means. " Replied Arthur. "I'll give them a few
minutes, besides that will give us time to smooch for a bit. We haven't
been alone together all day."
Arthur took Joe's hand as they walked down the street, "You know I really
love you, you are quite special to me"
In the house Jarred stood looking out the window at his father and Joe.. he
shuddered as he saw his father take the other man's hand. "They're holding
hands" he said turning to the others.
Joanne and Melissa came to the window and looked as well. "Leave them alone
guys" said Barry from the couch where he was sitting.
"You know Joe seems like a real nice man" said Melissa as she walked back
to her seat, "And Dad and he really seem to like each other."
Jarred continued to watch until the two men were out of sight.
"I had a long talk with Dad this morning" continued Melissa "You know it
was just this past week that he even told Joe he was gay. They have been
supporting each other more in dealing with grief and loneliness. "
"I just don't know" said Jarred "This just makes me so uncomfortable, I
don't know how to act around this guy, when I think of the two of them..."
He left the last sentence hanging, and none of the others added to it or
rebuked him for what he was thinking because they were all thinking the same
thing.
"Well" said Barry finally. "I guess we'll have to let Dad do what he
thinks best, it isn't something that any of us can imagine or want to
imagine. But I do know this, when Dad first came out here we were worried
about him, weren't we Jo?" He looked at his wife. She nodded
"He was a mess" she agreed
"but look at him now, except for the fact that he is clearly nervous about
how we will all react to Joe, he is happy and relaxed and he is looking a
lot better then he has looked in along time. Being friends with Joe has
really helped him"
"and Joe says that Dad really helped him the last few months, if it hadn't
been for Dad he didn't know what he would have done" Added Melissa
"I think that we have to let them work this out for themselves, I know we
don't like it but Dad is gay and he is going to do things gay, we won't be
able to stop that, so let's not even try. What I think we need to do is
have a good time this weekend, make it a good time for Dad and for Joe. I
know it probably will mean a lot to both of them." Continued Barry "From
what I've seen in the fridge and cupboards they have been cooking for weeks
to prepare for us"
They all laughed. Jarred still looked worried and upset. His eldest sister
went over to him and hugged him. "It will be alright Jarred, we can't tell
Dad how to live. If he's been struggling with this all his life he is
finally in the position that he can do something about it, that has got to
be some kind of freedom and relief for him. And from what I've seen of Joe
and heard of him I think he will be good for Dad"
"But what does that mean about Dad and Mum? Did he even love her? What was
life like for her?" Jarred said, tears now set in his eyes.
By now they were all up and around the young man
Melissa spoke first, quietly "Jarred I don't doubt that Mum loved Dad, and
I don't doubt that Dad loved Mum. I don't think that they would have lasted
as long as they did if there wasn't love there"
"Maybe you need to ask Dad that Jarred, it is a valid question and I'm sure
he would want to clear that up with you" added Barry.
Just then they heard their dad come up the steps to the door.
Arthur and Joe slowly walked down the road to Joe's home. They talked about
the events of the day, about Arthur's kids and how they had responded to
Joe. Arthur was nervous. He knew that even now they were talking about the
two of them, he caught a glimpse of his son watching them as they walked,
hand in hand.
When they got to Joe's house they hesitated and then walked up the drive to
the back door and there in the shadows of the carport Joe drew Arthur to him
and they kissed. They kissed long and deep
"I've been wanting do this all day" said Joe
"Me too" replied Arthur "I hate to leave you"
"I know but that's mainly because you don't want to have to go back and face
your family" laughed Joe
Arthur punched him on the shoulder and laughed... and then more soberly "You
are right of course, I can only imagine what they are saying right now."
"I think you'll be alright, they strike me as a good bunch of kids that you
raised"
"It's Jarred that I worry about, he is having some real problems with this.
This is the first time that I have spoken to him since I came out to them."
"Art I think you have to give him time, if you are the father that I think
you are then he will come around. He may not like what you have done but he
still loves you and that will win out in the end, believe me. now go to your
kids they're waiting" He gave Arthur another kiss and went into the house.
Arthur walked home deep in thought and with a bit of fear about what he was
going to find there. He knew one thing for sure he could not loose either
Joe or his son. They were both too precious to him.
As he walked in the door he saw his daughters and son standing together in
the living room. Barry was sitting on the couch. Arthur just stood there
at the door for a moment not knowing what to do or say next.
"You know that man has been very good for me the last little while, and if
you're wondering we haven't done anything" He walked into the room and sat
in his easy chair.
Jarred took a deep breath "Dad I know I haven't ... well it was really hard
for me to... Dad, I miss mom and ..." tears were rolling down his cheeks.
"well dad it's just that what about Mom, didn't you love her?"
As Jarred started talking Arthur could see the struggle his son was having,
tears of his own well up in his eyes and over flowed. He got up and with
his arms around his son "Jarred, my son, I loved your mother more than
you'll ever know. There isn't a day goes by I don't think about her. Your
Mother was the best wife and mother a man could ever find" he bowed his
head "..and she didn't deserve what she got in me, but she loved me and I
loved her, and that son will never change. I miss her everyday, we were
s'posed to be out here together"
By this time they were all crying.
"Son when I came out here I was so lonely and feeling so empty, then Joe's
lover died and I don't know what happened I went over and offered my
condolences. We started talking and he is a bit of a gardener so he has
been helping me with the yard.
"We are both lonely and we have both been a tremendous help to each other.
You know I have had more help and concern from him than from the church I
attend or anyone else here. The other people in the community here are more
concerned that I might be gay. They refused to even send Joe any
condolences when Tim died. Even though the two of them had lived here for
several years. They attended community functions everything, and yet the
people here are so cold they couldn't even bring themselves to show him any
sympathy. Now they're worried that I might be gay as well. Well good for
them, I really don't care. Joe has been very caring. He didn't know I was
gay until about a week ago, so his concern and care are genuine. It is the
way he is, and I love him for that."
"I don't want to hurt you guys. I never wanted to hurt you. My biggest
fear is that you will not want me anymore. I don't know what I would do if
you rejected me" Arthur was now sobbing.
Jarred hugged him close. "Oh Dad, I will always love you, I will never
reject you, you're my Dad, it's just hard for me that's all, I need time to
get used to having another father" he laughed through his tears at the last
remark. It lightened the mood and they all chuckled a bit.
They decided to go to bed shortly after that, as though there just wasn't
anything else to say.
The next day after a leisurely breakfast they decide to go up the coast to
Jordan River to walk the beaches there and have a picnic, and just spend a
quiet day. Arthur called Joe about 11AM and they were on the road within
the half-hour.
The day was bright and sunny and warm which was unusual for that time of the
year but no one was complaining. They arrived at the picnic spot, managed
to get a table to claim for themselves and then they all just went for a
walk along the beach. The tide was low and Barry, Arthur's son-in-law was
in his glory showing and identifying all manner of little sea creatures that
were among the rocks on the pebble beach.
At one point Adelaide Barry and Jo's daughter came up to Arthur and Joe who
were walking alone together at that time, and took his hand and just walked
with him. Michael her little brother about two and a half years old saw his
sister and ran up as well and raised his arms up to Joe and in a clear voice
that everyone heard said "Other grampa, lift me up "
Joe stopped dead in his tracks and looked down at the little tyke that had
his arms up at him. He leaned down and scooped Michael up. Michael smiled
at him and then showed him some little thing he had picked up in his
exploring.
Joe glanced at Arthur. Arthur noticed that Joe had a huge grin on his face.
Barry said to his wife, I guess it's 'other grampa' then" Everyone
laughed, and Joe glowed with pride. It was one of the best days he had
enjoyed in a long time.
Arthur said softly to him "I told you you're family"
The next day was Sunday. They were up early and got the turkey in the oven,
and then readied themselves for Church. Arthur had insisted that Joe join
them at church. So shortly before it was time to leave he showed up and
they all piled into the three cars and headed for the church.
They arrived just as Bill and Millie pulled into the parking lot. Millie
came right over and greeted Arthur's children and Joe asking how he was
doing. Bill held back and finally and rather sharply called his wife and
they went into the building.
The Pastor and his wife greeted them at the door and welcomed them to the
church. The Pastor's wife had a few questions for Joe regarding the recipe
he had given her for his Eggs Benedict. Arthur could see them in animated
conversation. The children were brought to the basement to a Sunday School
class for their age group.
The then went and sat in the pews behind Millie and Bill. The service
itself was uneventful. The Pastor welcomed the family as visitors of
Arthur. He also made a point to welcome Joe ("Arthur's friend and
neighbour"). Several people turned and looked to where they were sitting.
It was after the service that there was a little unpleasantness in the
parking lot. Bill came over to them as they were walking to the cars. He
said to Jarred "You know of course that your father is consorting with a
man that is openly gay don't you?" Arthur's son turned red, and looked at
Bill.
They all stopped as though frozen in time. Arthur moved forward between his
son and Bill. No one said anything, Arthur and Bill just stared at each
other, then Arthur clearly shaking with anger, turned and they all walked
away leaving Bill standing alone, staring after them.
Arthur was seething, Jarred came to him and said "I'll drive your car Dad,
you go with Joe." He led his father to Joe's car.
Arthur got in and saw his son walking across the parking lot toward Bill who
was walking to his car. By now most of the congregation was out in the
yard, some having already left.
"Sir" Called Jarred to Bill, who turned around "Are you a Christian?"
Bill was taken off guard by the question and sputtered "Well. Of course,
I'm a deacon here!"
"Well then you probably know your Bible sir" Jarred continued. The people
had by now all turned to watch the exchange and listen. Arthur got out of
the car and went to join his son, but Joe who had also gotten out of the car
stopped him. "Let's just see what's going to happen" he whispered to
Arthur. Arthur saw his daughters and son-in-law also by their car watching.
Jarred waited for Bill to respond but he didn't.
"Tell me then sir, are my father, and Joe your neighbours or your enemies?"
Bill opened his mouth as if to answer, and then stopped and just stared at
Jarred. Jarred cocked his eye at him as if he was asking for a response.
He got only a blank stare.
"Well sir whether they are either one or the other, don't you think it is
time you do the thing that the Lord has told you to do as a Christian? Love
them. Treat them with the love and respect that Jesus has told us to treat
them with..." Jarred paused, he was shaking but he was on a roll, and
couldn't stop. "You asked me just now if I knew that my father was
consorting with a gay man. I know he is. We all know he is. So what? That
is ultimately between him and the Lord and none of your business or mine.
The Lord didn't say you only have to love your neighbour if he isn't gay.
He said to love your neighbour "period". I only just met Joe Friday night
and I'm glad my Dad has him as a friend because if you took the time to get
to know him you would find out he is a very good man. You have known that
Joe has been grieving for his loss of Tim this Spring. You have known that
my Dad has been grieving for the loss of his wife just as long. How many
times have you as a deacon of the church and a Christian been over to see
either of these men to offer them comfort? Well shame on you!" Jarred
looked Bill in the eye for a couple seconds then turned on his heels and
stalked to the car, he was by now shaking from head to foot and had to sit
for a few seconds before he could drive.
Arthur and Joe got back into the car and with the rest of the family drove
home.
When they got home Arthur couldn't get to his son fast enough and fold him
into his arms. "I am so proud of you" he said through his tears.
"I love you Dad" Jarred said
They all went in to the house everyone chatting at the same time about how
Jarred had put Bill in his place. A short time later the phone rang.
Arthur talked for a few moments and then hung up. "It was the Pastor, just
calling to apologise for what happened. It seems that one of the other
parishioners told him what Bill had said to you. He told me to tell you
thank you for what you said, Bill has needed to hear that for sometime from
someone other than him. Unfortunately Bill hasn't taken it too well" Arthur
smiled at his son "but that is nothing for you to worry about, I couldn't
be more proud of you."
The rest of the weekend was splendid. The next day they all went to
Victoria and spent the day at the Botanical Gardens and the Royal British
Columbia Museum. They also had 'English High Tea' at the Hotel Grand
Pacific
Then they all went to see Melissa off at the airport for her flight back to
Ontario. From there the rest of the family left for the Ferry Terminal.
Since they would not easily be able to do it at the terminal they said their
good-byes at the Airport. Jarred gave his father a hug and a kiss, "I love
you Dad, you know I do"
"I love you too son, don't ever forget that" They held each other tight.
Then Jarred said good-bye to Joe... They shook hands but then Jarred pulled
Joe into a hug as well. "Take care of my Dad OK?" Joe nodded, "I will
Jarred, I will."
Jo and Barry each gave Arthur and Joe a hug and kiss. Adelaide hugged Joe
and her grampa.
Michael not to be excluded got a hug from Grampa who had picked him up. The
little boy gave his grampa a kiss and then leaned out toward Joe, with his
arms open to him. Joe took him in his arms and received a hug and a kiss as
well "G'by Other Grampa"
"Good-bye Michael, you come and visit again ok?"
"ok bye" and he was down and back with his daddy
They all got into their cars and the weekend was over. Joe and Arthur
watched the family drive off, waving at them as they left. Joe took
Arthur's hand "Thank you" he said softly
"For what?"
"For a family" Joe replied softly.
Joe opened his door and got into the car, while Arthur walked around and got
into his seat.
In the other car with the exception of the children it was quiet. Each of
the adults was obviously nursing their own thoughts. Jarred finally spoke
up. "I think I like Joe, I think I'll be all right with this" Jo looked
back at here brother and smiled at him and nodded. But nothing else was
said, nothing else needed to be said.
They arrived home and parked Arthur's car. It was already getting dark.
They were standing beside each other leaning against the car. Joe said "I
should be getting home, you have to work in the morning"
"I know but it is still early, how about a cup of tea before you go."
Arthur took Joe's hand and they walked slowly up the drive to the house. As
they did, a car drove by. Arthur looked over his shoulder and saw a glaring
Bill looking at him from the car. By impulse he smiled and waved but kept
holding on to Joe's hand.
"Well I guess I'm going to have to call the Pastor and make an appointment,
that was Bill that just drove by."
Joe tried to pull his hand away as he looked at the retreating car.
"It's ok Joe he hasn't seen anything that he doesn't already believe about
us" They went inside.
"But what about church?" asked Joe as he got cups out of the cupboard while
Arthur put the kettle on.
"Well I think I need to talk to the Pastor and come out to him. I wouldn't
be surprised if Bill is on the phone right now with him. I've been meaning
to talk to the Pastor anyway, I just wanted to get through this weekend
first... I'm going to call him right now"
He dialled the Pastor's number ... it was busy. "Hmmm busy, any bets it's
Bill, ah let him rant, I'll call the Pastor tomorrow"
He turned and enveloped Joe in a hug. They kissed and stood there in the
glow of each other's love for some time. "I love you so much Joe, I need
you"
The sound of the phone ringing brought them back to earth.
"Hello?"
"Ah Pastor, I was just trying to call you" Arthur grinned at Joe who was
still holding him.
"I thought you might be talking to him. We need to talk Pastor, I've been
meaning to talk to you but with the family coming for the weekend I wanted
to wait till they had gone home. When would you like to meet?"
Joe released Arthur and went to make the tea.
"Well anytime if pretty much good for us, we're just making tea right now,
why don't you come over now , or is this too early?
"Great we'll see you in about five minutes then."
Arthur hung up the phone. "Well this is it Joe" he said looking
thoughtful. "Bill called him and gave him an ear full just as I thought he
would. I guess this is it"
"Bill must have called him on his cell while he was still driving" laughed
Joe
Arthur laughed, and then looked more serious "He is such a sad hateful man,
and Millie seems so nice"
"I know" said Joe "makes one wonder what is at the root of all that anger."
There was a knock on the door. Joe who was closest opened the door and
welcomed the Pastor in.
"hi Pastor, we had just come back for sending the kids off and were about to
have a cuppa when you called."
"Hi Joe, Arthur, I'm sorry I have to talk to you about this, like this"
"Pastor as I said on the phone, I was going to call you this week anyway, I
just wanted to wait till the weekend was over. To tell you right out, I am
gay, I told Joe here last week and my kids have know since this past spring,
after my wife died."
Pastor looked over at Joe surprised "You didn't know before last week?"
Joe shook his head and smiled "No. To be honest I wished he was many times
throughout the summer and fall but he didn't come out to me until last week.
So you see Pastor although Bill is right that Arthur is gay it was not an
issue with us until last week, and then he saw us holding hands this evening
here in the yard. We have done nothing other than holding hands and the
occasional kiss, and I believe even the Bible has nothing ill to say about
that"
The Pastor stood there for a few moments looking from one to the other.
Finally Arthur caught himself and offered the Pastor a chair at the kitchen
table. Joe poured the tea and put some cookies on a plate and they all sat
down.
"I don't know what to say or where to start" began the Pastor
"Well then let me start" said Arthur. "Pastor I probably should have told
you earlier when all this with Bill started. Perhaps I was too stubborn or
arrogant or something that I didn't want to give Bill the benefit of being
right, I don't know. I do know that last Spring I was still coming through
some serious grieving myself, and my meeting with Joe was because of his
loss. It was not to "get myself a man" We were both in need of a friend
right then so it didn't seem right for me to come out to anyone then.
I met Bill at a community BBQ last Spring the weekend after Tim had died.. I
had a mild confrontation with him then over Joe and Tim and his bigoted and
ignorant views on homosexuality. Pastor the man is a bigot and he is cold
and unfriendly. I was not about feed into his meanness. And certainly if
anyone was going to find out first it would be Joe not Bill.
Arthur stopped for a moment but held his hand up that he was not yet
finished, as he took a sip of tea.
"Before you say anything Pastor let me say this. I know that you have been
put in a difficult position here, and I apologise for that, I really didn't
see any other course. I was planning on coming to see you either this week
or next, and I was going to tell you.
"This is what I propose, Pastor: I am a Christian man as you understand
Christian, I am also gay and we can talk about that later. I like coming to
your church, I would like to continue to attend. However you can believe
that Bill will be telling everyone that I am gay. So I would like permission
from the church to attend. I can't tell you to bring it or anything to the
church, but I guess that is what I am asking you to do, ask the membership
if I may continue to attend knowing that I am gay. I will abide by the
decision of the church. I will not at any time ask for membership, All I
want to do is attend services. I won't even attend the special events. I
need to hear the Word taught, and I like the way you teach it. There."
Arthur stopped and took a breath and another drink of his tea.
Pastor looked at him and seeing he was finished breathed a "WOW"
"You have read Bill correctly, while I believe he means well, he is a bigot
and that gets him in trouble from time to time, not just with gays, but
others as well. As you guessed he called me as soon as he saw you two
walking up the driveway together. He demanded that you never be allowed to
set foot in the church again. He called you a number of things I won't
repeat here but he did mention that you had not been honest with us, and I
guess I have to agree with him on that point to some extent. I'm glad you
told me what you have just now and I think we probably should talk more
about it. I'm not sure I agree with Bill that you be denied access to the
church, but I think that the congregation will have something to say on the
matter. "
"Arthur I have always been taught that this is sin and if you are planning
on continuing in this sin then I don't know what we can do. It is one thing
to be caught in sin and repenting but it is something totally different to
refuse to leave you sin and in your case obviously you are planning to
increase in it. Until I've had a chance to talk to the board and church I
ask you to stay away. I would like to talk to you about it some time soon,
but I think that this is enough for one night."
Arthur bowed his head and nodded. "Pastor I will do as you ask, I would
request though that you mention that I am absent because I was asked to be
absent. I hope also that you at least study up on what the Bible really
says about homosexual relations."
"I will do that Arthur" With that he stood up and offer both men his hand.
"Thank you for your time tonight, I hope we can talk again and I hope we can
get some happy resolution on this matter "
After he left Arthur stood looking at the door for several moments. Joe had
put the dishes in the sink. He looked over at his friend. Arthur looked so
forlorn and disappointed. Joe went over to him and drew him into a hug.
"It will be alright Arthur" he whispered "I'll take care of you"
Arthur looked into his friend's eyes and lay his head on his shoulder. "I
guess I had hoped that the Pastor at least would have been more supportive,
I guess I should have known better"
They kissed and went into the living room and sat down together. Joe stayed
for another half hour as they just sat and enjoyed each other's touch and
warmth. Then he got up and went home.
"You need some rest, and so do I" he said "It has been a long weekend, I
have a new family and the love of a wonderful man, we are not going to let
Bill ruin that" He kissed Arthur once more and was gone.
Arthur sat for several minutes more and then slowly got up and went to bed.
Joe was right of course, at least in some things. They had had a great
weekend with the family and Bill, well why let Bill ruin what they had. But
he was still disturbed by the Pastor's visit, and wondered what would happen
out of that. But tomorrow was another day.
The next day after work rather than going home Arthur went straight to
Joe's. Joe let him in and they kissed, they kissed lovingly, it was no peck
of affection. "Ohnnn I needed that" said Arthur when they finally parted.
I've been thinking about us all morning. So I came right over, I think we
need to talk. I want to talk about our future, I want to know where you
stand, and when we want to get married. " He rattled as though he was in a
race.
Joe who was getting some things out of the fridge to make some lunch for
them, almost hit his head as he looked up at Arthur. Then he burst out
laughing. "Wow!!! You have been thinking!!!"
He moved swiftly across the room a jar of mustard in his hand, he threw his
arms around Arthur "I love you so much, I would be happy to spend the rest
of my days with you, I accept your proposal"
They dance a slow dance around the room in deep embrace and kiss. Both men
had tears coursing down their cheeks.
The next few days went quickly. Arthur saw Millie and Bill driving down the
street one afternoon as he walked home, but neither of them returned his
wave. Both he and Joe spent every free hour together, now that he was "out"
there was no longer any need to hide.
Joe called Mark and Arthur called his kids and told them that they were
planning on being "married" at Christmas. Arthur had gotten confirmation
from the Pastor of the church in Vancouver to come over to the Island and
perform the ceremony.
With a little working of the budget Arthur was able to get his family to be
there. They all said that they wanted to witness the event. Mark said he
was free and couldn't wait for the happy event.
By the end of the week Arthur had not yet heard from the church. Joe made
mention of it on Friday night has they sat to supper. "Do you think he (the
Pastor) will even get back to us?" He wondered
"Well if I know anything of church politics , it could take a bit of time"
Replied Arthur. "He would have had to call a meeting of the board to start
with, they would then have to make a decision as to whether to even bother
bringing the issue to the church which they well might not. I'm not a
member so they might think it is of no concern to the congregation. I have
no claim on them"
"I guess not but I would hope that at least he would come back and tell us
what the board has said or done." Said Joe.
"I think he will." nodded Arthur "but there may not have been a meeting
yet, so I guess we'll have to wait. If he doesn't call by this time next
week I'll give him a call"
"Besides we have other things to worry about, and plan. Like where are we
going to live, and what are we going to do about these houses? Laughed Joe.
"I know, I'm wondering if we should sell them both and move somewhere else
all together, where the neighbourhood is less hostile" Arthur snickered
"or sell one of the places and keep the other. I don't know. At least
neither of us have a mortgage to worry about."
The next day they went to the real estate office and checked what might be
available and what the options were for selling one or the other or both of
their homes. Because they had no mortgage to worry about it was not as
complicated to put either one on the market. Since Arthur had the home that
Joe and Tim had hoped to buy originally they had pretty much decided to keep
that house and sell Joe's place. It was sold in less than a week, for as
much as Joe was asking.
The house sold on the Thursday, with the new owners moving in, in the New
Year. Joe and Arthur planned it that way. They felt they should maintain
separate homes until they were married. And so it was.
Over the next several week though there was a flurry of activity and yard
sales trying to get things in order and extra stuff disposed of. Some of
Joe's furniture was to stay with the house, as he had decided to sell it
partially furnished. But there were many years of material that he and Tim
had collected that were difficult for him to part with. Arthur was very
sensitive to Joe's difficulty and helped him but at arms length allowing him
to grieve but being there when needed.
The first thing that Arthur brought to his house and put in a prominent spot
in the living room was a portrait of Tim and Joe. It was set right beside
the portrait of he and his wife. "Joe we will never forget either of our
spouses, Tim will always be a part of you and I just as my dear wife will
be"
When he hadn't heard back from the Pastor that weekend, or the next week, on
the Friday following Arthur called the Pastor himself. The Pastor
apologised and asked if he could come over to talk to him in person.
A few minutes later the Pastor and Joe and Arthur were sitting in Arthur's
kitchen.
"There isn't a lot to say actually but I felt I should say it face to face.
I met with the board, you can imagine Bill's views and they carried the day.
I must admit that I was not as well prepared as I could have been. But
this was the decision of the Board for the present Arthur. They would like
you not to attend church with us anymore. We are going to do this the next
two Sunday Evenings though. I am going to preach a two message series on
the subject of Homosexuality and the Bible. I've been in contact with a
Pastor Rick in Vancouver this past week. He says he knows you"
Arthur nodded "Yes, we met when I first came out to the West Coast last
spring. So the long and the short of it is that I am no longer welcome at
your church. I'm sorry to hear that though I am neither surprised nor
shocked. I understand where it is coming from. They see me in sin and
having no intention of leaving my sin, and to give me permission to continue
attending would be tantamount to approving of my sin. I have no hard
feelings Pastor, I wish it could be different"
"I'm sorry too Arthur, although I am still struggling with how the bible
deals with the subject" Replied the Pastor.
Joe piped up just then "By the way Pastor, Pastor Rick is coming to marry us
the Saturday before Christmas."
The Pastor blanched and looked from the one to the other.
"You know Pastor" Arthur added "I know that Bill thinks otherwise but we
have done nothing with each other but a few kisses, hugs and holding hands.
Joe has sold his house but will continue to live there until we are married.
We are not the ogres that we are being painted to be. We are just two men
that love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together.
That's all."
"I realise that Arthur" replied the Pastor "But it flies in the face of
everything that we have been taught and understand about the subject, it is
not easy to come to terms with. I'm afraid if we allow you to continue to
attend it will be seen as condoning your activity. I'm sorry Arthur, Joe, I
am real sorry, I never thought that I would be asking someone to stay away
from our church."
With that he got up and moved to the door. He looked defeated.
Arthur offered his hand. "Pastor, I've been in the church long enough to
know how it works. I've been on the board and I understand. I'm sorry as
well but I understand. I hope that when you do you series that it will be
an honest presentation of what the Bible has to say on the subject. It was
a pleasure to sit under your ministry, I will miss it."
The Pastor took Arthur's hand and then reached to shake Joe's as well, and
left.
Joe was angry , but Arthur understood, it was no less then he had expected.
He was disappointed. "The Pastor doesn't mean any malice toward us Joe, and
most of the church I think probably are just sorry about this, don't be
angry" he said softly to Joe. He kissed his man tenderly and they stood
for several minutes in each other's arms.
"I guess I'd better get home" said Joe presently. They kissed once more.
"I'll see you when I get back from work tomorrow" said Arthur as he left
The next several weeks raced by. While Arthur missed going to church on
Sunday mornings, he and Joe spent every waking minute together. They were
like any engaged couple planning for their wedding. They were an engaged
couple preparing for their wedding! And they enjoyed it to the full. In
the weeks between Thanksgiving and the wedding date the Saturday before
Christmas they made two trips to the mainland to meet with Pastor Rick to
make arrangements with him. They planned the whole day it seemed down to
the minute. There were invitations to be sent although they kept the guest
list mainly to family, and a few close friends. Arthur's children were all
coming as was one of his brothers. Since Joe was still in his house they
decided to use his place as a place for some of the guests to stay.
The ceremony itself was planned for the hall in the Community Centre. They
were able to book it surprisingly enough, what with the Christmas season and
all. There was some complaints in the community when it was discovered what
the hall was going to be used for, and they were asked if they could find
another place of move the wedding till after the holidays. Apparently the
complaints were no so much the reason the hall was being used, as those that
were complaining hadn't booked early enough for their Christmas party.
There was no problem when Joe told them that indeed they could not and would
not be making other plans.
They were not surprised to see a letter to the editor from none other than
Bill raising the issue that gay weddings were apparently more important than
Christmas celebrations at the community centre. He insisted that the Centre
cancel their booking. However that editorial was followed by a response
from the booking officer at the centre making it clear that the facilities
were for anyone that wanted to book, and was based on a first come first
serve basis, Joe and Arthur had been there in time for what they wanted.
The men decided to go with matching black tuxedos as well as all the
traditional music. Mark was thrilled to be Joe's bestman and Arthur's son
agreed to be his, much to Arthur's great pleasure and pride.
They were able to get a caterer to do the supper. He was someone suggested
to them from the local gay/les/bi association.
Much to their surprise the association threw them a "shower" at one of the
two bars in Victoria about two weeks before the big day. Arthur really
didn't know anyone in the gay community but Joe did and they had invited
several people to the wedding.
Throughout this time both men were received what they considered "hate" mail
in their mailboxes, Arthur's was in the form of a "Christian" pamphlets
condemning homosexuality and Joe a note, (with of course no return address)
telling him that he was going to Hell for being a 'queer' "
Joe was livid when he got his, and brought it to Arthur literally shaking
with anger. Arthur looked at the note and shook his head. He had gotten
his pamphlet the same day. He managed bring Joe down from his rage, who by
now was crying. "I don't need this !!" he shouted This is what they did to
Tim and I when we moved in here. It is nothing short of harassment and
hate. I'm not going to go through this again!!" Arthur drew him close and
held him, trying to comfort him. They both knew the source of the note
although of course it could never be proven.
"We are not going to go through it again." Replied Arthur, "but I think
that we will probably get a couple more of these before this is out. I
will take care of them."
The next day he went to visit the Pastor.
The pastor greeted him warmly and let him in, congratulating him and Joe on
their upcoming celebration.
As Arthur sat down in the study he handed the pamphlets to the Pastor. "We
received these in the mail yesterday, I hope it didn't come from someone in
this church Pastor or that somehow the membership here is being encouraged
to harass us. Joe was extremely upset yesterday when he brought me his, and
I can't say as I blame him. Apparently he and Tim suffered this kind of
abuse when they first moved into the neighbourhood. I think you know who
instigated that, at that time. I sure hope it is not starting again. If
you're folk are against homosexuality that is one thing, I can live with
that but this is unacceptable. Does not resemble loving you're enemy to
me."
The Pastor looked at the pamphlet and the note and shook his head. "Arthur,
I want you to know that we don't stock this type of pamphlet, I don't like
them because you are right, they promote hate, and this note is terrible,
you and Joe are right to be upset. You know where this church stands on the
matter of homosexuality but please be assured that I would never encourage
my congregation to do something like this."
Both men sat quietly for a moment as the Pastor re-read the pamphlet and
note. "You know the pamphlet is so typical of the organisation that
produces them, I can't do anything about that but I can do something about
how my congregation treats their neighbours. On behalf of the church please
accept my apologies. If this came from one of our members I am deeply
sorry, it means that I am not doing my job. You can be assured that this
will be part of the sermon on Sunday."
Arthur stood up "Pastor I know you well enough to know that this came not at
your instigation and I appreciate your apology and concern. I'll tell Joe
what you have said. I just know that last night he was very upset, not only
angry but hurt, very hurt. He is a gentle man Pastor and doesn't deserve to
be treated like this, and I will not stand to see him hurt."
Pastor returned the papers to Arthur. As Arthur got up to leave the Pastor
offered him his hand and assured him again that he would at least speak to
his congregation about love and their neighbours. Arthur knowing that there
was not much the Pastor could do about the deep-rooted bigotry in the
community was nevertheless encouraged as he went home.
The next week in the local paper there was a letter to the editor from the
Pastor! It stipulated very clearly that while his church didn't condone
homosexual behaviour that he also did not condone the harassment of people
who differed in their opinions from that of the church. He went on to say
that Christians were commanded by Jesus himself to love their neighbours and
their enemies and all people, and to treat them with respect regardless of
what they thought of their actions.
Joe mentioned upon reading the article "It must have taken a bit of courage
for him to have written that"
Through the grapevine they did hear that the sermon preached on the Sunday
following Arthur's visit made certain people squirm in their seats,
especially when the Pastor quoted what had been written on the note. He
apparently made it quite clear that there was no room in the church for
bigots and those that would harass others in the name of Christ.
Both men received on church letterhead that week a formal apology for any
discomfort any member of the church may have caused either of them because
of this incident.
No more mailings were received after that.
The week of the wedding finally arrived. Pastor Rick arrived the Friday for
the rehearsal . Arthur and his family as well as Joe and Mark were all
together decorating the hall for the following day. There was an incredible
electric excitement in the air. Arthur's only concern was for his family
and how they would react to some of the other friends who would be drinking
and making the comments that were likely for the newly weds.
The guests were gathered and in place in the hall. As the music began to
play the wedding march doors opened at each side of the hall and first the
best men slowly walked in followed by the two men in black suits with white
rose boutonnières. They clearly had eyes only for each other.
As they met before Pastor Rick they took each other's hands and smiled.
Both men had tears in their eyes. The Pastor lead them through their vows,
line by line. Arthur's voice wavered throughout. They exchanged rings and
with the conclusion the Pastor invited them to kiss as husbands. Arthur
gently took Joe's face into his hands and brought their lips together and
then into a full embrace. As they parted he whispered "I love you so much"
"And I you" replied Joe.
After they signed the register that Pastor Rick had prepared for them he
introduced the two men to the congregated guests. They walked through the
well wishers to the recessional wedding march.
It was a surprise to both men to see the Pastor and his wife there in the
crowd. The pastor winked at them as they passed. They went out into the
foyer of the centre, where they saw the only thing that caused them only the
slightest sadness. Out in the parking lot stood a group of people with
placards denouncing what had just happened inside. Bill was in the crowd
along with a couple of the other neighbours. Bill was holding a placard
that had something about going to hell written on it.
Jarred as soon as he saw them made sure that his father had his back to the
protest. Unfortunately not before both Arthur and Joe saw what was going
on. "We're not going to let them spoil our joy Art" said Joe.
"No we will not" Arthur agreed, then he laughed "they won't stay long it's
raining out there"
Later that evening when all the guests had gone home, they were finally
alone in a hotel room in the Hotel Grand Pacific.
Arthur could feel the excitement in his body as he looked at the man he
loved. He moved slowly across the room to meet his love. The embraced and
tenderly kissed, each man so taken with the moment, the incredible love that
flowed between them. They slowly danced in the rhythm of the music that
played through their minds as they slowly undressed each other.
Arthur had waited so long for this moment and now it was here. It was all
that he had anticipated and so much more, this was not just a meeting of two
men for the night or even to friends expressing their fondness for each
other. Joe and Arthur were two men that loved each other with their whole
being. They made love to each other with ever movement, with the
unfastening of each button, the removal of each item of clothing, with each
touch and kiss as their bodies were slowly exposed to each other for the
first time. It would be a time, a making of love that they would never
forget.
Arthur was lonely no more.