Date: Mon, 07 Sep 1998 19:19:44 -0400
From: "J.W. Martins-Bazinet" <3stix@concentric.net>
Subject: Axel

I don't know if any of you have shared the same type of obsession I've
had, but for those who have I hope it turns out to be as rewarding for
you as it as for me.

I first saw Axel Preston when I was a lowly freshman at prep school and
he was the student body president. He was one of those guys, obviously
blessed by the gods. From one of the best families, keen of mind and
wit, killer personality and graced with a body that made even straight
guys take a second look. He was 6'2", not an ounce of fat on his tight
muscular body. He looked every inch the star quarterback, which of
course he was. And his face, full and handsome, with soft sensuous lips,
light brown bedroom eyes punctuated by long curved lashes, chestnut hair
which fell gently to frame a countenance almost too beautiful to be
male, while at the same time too rugged to be female.

From the moment he walked to center stage during freshman orientation I
fell desperately in love. His voice, rich and deep with the unmistakable
lilt and tone of a New England aristocrat, gave me a hardon. Though I'd
never had sex with a man, except in fantasies, I knew I had to have him.

I did everything I could during that year to be near him. Since it was
an all male school I became a cheerleader so I could share the locker
room and travel with the team. I worked on the school paper, because he
was the Editor. I got a part in the Spring play because he was the star.
I volunteered to be on any committee he served on. He was always very
nice to me, friendly, kind, but I could never break beyond just polite
social contact. I was never priveleged to be invited up to his room for
one of his famous bull sessions.

When I learned he'd be going to Harvard the following year, I
transformed myself into a diligent student. Though I wouldn't see him
for three years I knew I wanted to be where he was so I made certain
that my grades were what they had to be so that I could follow him.

During my first year in Cambridge I managed to cross his path as often
as I could, but Harvard is a bit wider world than prep school and I saw
even less of him. It didn't matter. Close or distant I adored him. I was
fortunate in that he decided to go on to Harvard Law, so though it
didn't afford the opportunity to be any closer to him it kept him close
by.

I entered the Law School the year following his graduation. He took a
job with a Boston firm as I buried myself in Torts, Civil Pro and
Con Law. To the observer my life couldn't have been better, everyone
said I had a stellar future before me, but I knew the course of my life
was being driven by my obsession for the unobtainable.

In my senior year I was offered a number of jobs with some of the finest
law firms in the country and even the opportunity to clerk for a Federal
judge. I wanted only to work for Axel's firm. The Fates intervened to
allow the continuation of my mania. I was offered and immediately
accepted an associate's job with his firm. Axel, who'd just been made a
full partner was assigned to supervise me.

Of course he remembered me and for the first time acted as if I were
more than just a person passing through his life. Though he drove me
hard and without mercy, I was up to the job. I'd endured much more than
anything he could dish out now and my reward was to be close to him even
though it only made the torture grow. We spent hours together in the
office, I became his partner at racket ball, I even stood up for his
wedding. I knew I had no chance, but I'd resolved to lead a celibate
life so long as I could be near him. So it went for six long years.

It was sweet torment, I saw him at work, we played golf, tennis and
racket ball off work, we travel together (unfortunately never sharing a
hotel room); we'd become best friends. Then in March the bottom fell out
of his personal life. Out of the blue Sarah, Axel's wife, announced she
was seeking a divorce. She claimed that since he spent so much time at
work she felt abandoned; her grounds were mental cruelty. The real
reason was that she'd fallen for someone else and she wanted out so she
could be with her new lover. If I live to be 100 I'll never understand
how anyone would give up Axel for any reason.

Axel who'd never failed at anything slipped into depression. Of course
it couldn't have come at a worse time, we were in the middle of major
litigation with one of the firms biggest clients. Axel was the lead
partner on the case and I was his second. I did as best I could to keep
things together, but we needed Axel's expertise in order not to blow the
case. Slowly he started to climb out of his lethargy. We became closer
at work and off. I was relieved, the case was pulling together and Axel
seemed to be returning to his old self, still I felt that under the
surface things were still not right with him.

Then about six months after Sarah dropped the bomb, the divorce became
final, Axel was single again. Three days later we had to go to
Springfield, Massachusetts to take some depositions in our case. It was
a last minute sort of thing and there was only one room available in the
Springfield area, all rooms were booked due to the New England States
Exposition. As our travel department said we were lucky to get a room at
all.

We flew into Bradley Airport rented a car and drove up I-91 into
Springfield.  It was after 7:00 by the time we checked into the hotel.
It wasn't awful, the usual run of the mill room, but hardly the type of
accomodations we usually had. Axel said he wasn't in the mood to eat out
and said he'd order room service.

"But, don't let that stop you from having a decent meal. I wouldn't be
good company anyway. Go out and have a good time."

"Forget it. I hate eating in a restaurant alone. I'd rather have a
sandwich from room service than a steak alone."

"Don't like eating alone myself, but I'd better get used to it," he gave
a laugh containing no mirth. "I'm sorry you're stuck with me Jeff. I
know I'm shitty company. I thought I was over the rough part, but the
finality of the situation came roaring back with the decree. The worst
part is I'm not getting any sleep. I spend most of the night pacing.
I'll just lay in bed tonight, so don't worry I won't keep you awake."

"Don't worry about me. Once I'm asleep a heavy metal band could rehearse
next to the bed and I wouldn't hear it. So pace all you'd like, watch
TV, whatever you won't bother me. But listen Axel, if you'd like
somebody to talk it out with or even a shoulder to cry on I'm here for
you."

"Thanks Jeff, I really appreciate your friendship. Maybe talking about
it would help. I've thought about going to a therapist, but I just can't
imagine telling a stranger what I'm feeling. I'd much rather talk with a
friend, someone I trust. But I certainly don't want to burden anyone
else with my problems; of course, if your willing and volunteering, I'd
like to very much."

"Hell, what are friends for? I owe you more than you'll ever know. Though
I doubt you'd understand, I am who I am in large part because of you."

"Bullshit, you are who you are because you're one of the smartest guys
I've ever known. And you're a good friend. If I've helped in you're
career it's because you earned it. You're a damn fine lawyer."

"Thanks, Axel, from you that's a compliment."

"I mean it."

"Okay, pal. Let's talk. What, besides the obvious, is wrong?"

"Everything and nothing. I guess the hardest part is knowing that the
divorce was my fault. I was a piss poor husband. Oh I was a great
provider, Sarah had all the material comforts, everything that money
could buy. I just wasn't there for her in any other capacity. The only
time we spent together was during social affairs, otherwise we almost
never saw each other. I usually came home after she'd gone to bed and
left before she got up. We were seldom intimate, our sex life consisted
of one or two times a month and even those she had to initiate contact."

"Axel, don't be so hard on yourself, that's par for the course for a guy
with your resposibility. It couldn't have been a surprise to Sarah, her
dad had to be the same way."

"That's true, but knowing it and experiencing it are two different
things. The hell of it is that I liked things the way they were and I
assumed she did too. I was wrong, but I've faced the fact that I love my
job more than I did my wife. That's were my real guilt lies. I never
cheated on her, I just didn't care enough. I went into it with my eyes
wide opened. I got married not because I couldn't live without her, but
because it was time, it was like any other career move."

"That is a little cold, but Sarah's happy now, or says she is. You still
have your career and for your age your just about in the best position
anyone could be. There isn't any doubt that you'll be the senior partner
once the old man retires. That's still, what at least 8, 10 years away,
you have lots of time to get your personal life on an even keel. You've
learned your lesson, move on. Just don't make the same mistake over. I'd
say things have worked out for both you and Sarah."

"Intellectually I understand everything you've said, and I agree.
Emotionally I'm a basketcase. Me, who had sex more to please her than
me, I'm horny all the time. I don't think I masturbated as much when I
was a teenager as I do now. I stay awake at night wishing Sarah was here
so I could fuck her or shove my cock in her mouth."

"Yeah, so what's your point. In some way the divorce has released some
pent up sexual energy and you're horny. Listen pal, most guys are like
that most of the time. Maybe you're just a late bloomer. And speaking as
a single, mostly celibate man there is nothing wrong with masturbation."

"I don't know. It's not me. I've never been very sexual. Never had a
strong desire to pursue and seduce women like my peers. I was happy with
Sarah as my wife and sex once in a while was enough. Now I crave it."

"There's probably some deep seated psychological explanation behind it,
maybe you've repressed all sexual urges in your pursuit of career. I
don't know, but the fact is that you're horny now just like the rest of
us. I say go for it and enjoy it. You're young, you're good looking,
you've got status and money, getting laid should be the easiest thing in
the world for you."

"Right. I'm horny, but I'm not sure I want to go through all the
trouble. It's a paradox; I want sex, but I'm not motivated to look for
it. That's fucked up." He laughed again without humor. "Well, enough of
my dysfunctional life, let's order some food."

The conversation had been leading down a path I'd always wanted to take
but had been afraid to. So all I said was, "Sounds good to me."

We both decided on club sandwiches, french fries and iced tea. Twenty
minutes later a waiter was wheeling in a small cart that he efficently
converted into a small table for two. The sandwiches were actually very
good made with oven roasted turkey, crisp bacon, fresh tomatoes, a leaf
lettuce."  After we'd polished them off I took a long hot shower before
coming back to the room wrapped only in a towel. Axel followed me in the
shower and soon we were both sitting on each of our beds, still clad
only in towels. Of course I'd showered with him and seen him naked
countless times, but always at the club, this was the first time we'd
hung out in a state of semi-nakedness for any length of time. I was sure
I'd get aroused if I let myself think about it. I suggested having a
drink from the mini-bar. May a good buzz would prevent me from springing
a woody.

"Do they have scotch?" he asked.

I walked over to the small fridge, unlocked it and looked in. "You have
your choice of Dewar's, Jack Black or Chivas."

"I'll have a double Chivas," he said. "Is there enough?"

"Sure, there's four bottles. I think I'm going to try Dewar's."

"I didn't know you drank scotch, I thought you were strictly an Absolute
man."

"I am, but tonight I have a taste for scotch, it hits me every once in
awhile."  I poured us each a glassful of the the golden liquid and added
a couple of cubes to each.

Two doubles of scotch later and each of us were feeling no pain. We'd
engaged in meaningless, inane conversation, each of us for our own
reasons staying off the topic of sex and relationships. I was soon
nodding off, coming awake from the sound of my own snores.

I wasn't really asleep, more in an alcohol induced daze. When I came out of
it for about the sixth time I realized I must have been out for a longer
while than the others. I was lying on my bed on top of the covers, still
with the towel around my waist, but the room was in darkness and in the dim
light coming through the window could see Axel pacing the width of the
room. My mind was a bit dulled and I didn't have much energy so I just lay
there observing without his knowing it. He was no longer wearing the towel,
but was totally naked. I focused in on his penis. It was soft, but long and
thick, a real sausage of a piece.

Soon I was lost in my own fantasy. I don't know how much time passed, but
the next time I looked at Axel he was staring out of the window with his
back to me. I could just make out the hard muscles of his firm ass and was
about to slip back into a twilight dream of cocks and asses when he turned.
I almost let out an audible gasp, but managed to control myself, the last
thing I wanted was him to know I was awake.  His cock had grown rock hard,
protruding out a straight 8 inches. He fisted it, giving it a couple of
strokes, glanced toward me. I froze, making my breathing sound even and
regular. Apparently satisfied I was sleeping he gave his meat another
couple of tugs before moving away from the window toward his bed. If he'd
bother to look at me closely a second time he'd have seen that booze or no
booze my own dick was beginning to expand to its own full 7 inches pushing
the towel aside as it sought room to grow.  Fortunately he was too involved
with his own needs. I sensed that he'd kicked back on the bed and was
stroking himself in a solitary pursuit toward ultimate pleasure.  I waited
as long as I dared before turning over on my side as naturally as possible.

He froze again for a very long minute, but once satisfied that I was
still asleep returned to self-pleasuring. I had a perfect view of him
going at it with long, slow, sensual strokes. Light reflected off the
syrupy liquid pouring from the bulb shaped head and running down the
long shaft easing his the action of his fist. His legs were spread wide
apart, I could see his toes curling, his pelvis thrusting, his hand
pumping all syncronized in the beat of the male ritual.

I knew he was at his most vulnerable, that any advance now was less
likely to be rebuffed. I'd wanted this for so long, I might never have
such a chance again. The fog lifted from my mind, possessed as I was by
the hunger of years of waiting. In one quick fluid move I sprang up,
dove between his outstretched legs, pushed his hand aside and swallowed
his beautiful cock before anything registered in his mind. When he
realized what was happening he tried to struggle, but I held him down,
refusing to let him out of my mouth. After I'd swabbed his shaft with my
lips and tongue a few times the fight went out of him. He let out a moan
and then his hips resumed their forward thrusts.

"Jeff, I can't believe this is happening, it feels so fucking good. Oh
God, I had no idea--"

That's all it took for me. I went crazy on that cock. I sucked it like I
held the world championship in cock sucking, I'd waited so long, I'd
sucked it so often in my dreams that I knew exactly what to do. I'd been
born for this moment.

I felt him tugging at me, but I didn't want to break away from the cock
of my dreams. Only his strength and a sudden sense of what he wanted
allowed him to prevail. He pulled me up to him, face to face. We looked
into each other's eyes. I felt it and knew he did too. He lifted his
face to mine and our lips met. It was as if the world was moving in slow
motion. I felt his tongue pushing to gain access into my mouth, then our
tongues were locked in a dance of love.

Our passions were given full vent, the dam burst open. We made love, we
turned until we were coupled with him in my mouth and me in his. He
swallowed the length of my manhood until all of the shaft was buried in his
mouth. We came that way the first time, almost at the same moment he was
pumping his seed into me as I bathed his throat with my hot rich fluid.

We made love again and with my urging he took my virginity. I'd never
felt so filled, so complete, so alive.

"Oh, Jeff. Now I realize what was missing, why it hadn't seem worth
having. It was you, I've always loved you. Ever since that pesky little
freshman followed me everywhere."

"There's only been you for me. I have never even looked at another
person, now I never will."

"Oh God, I'm cumming inside of you. Oh, God. I love you."

"And I love you."