Date: Mon, 1 May 2017 21:16:38 +0000
From: Max Dowling <maxieplus@hotmail.com>
Subject: Aydens Eyes 2

Ayden's Eyes 2
Maxieplus


We loaded Ayden into the car then secured his stroller in the boot of
Evan's car which is a Ford SUV; not the top of the range but still very
nice. My car was still sitting in the garage and I haven't used it for
months but Evan drives it to work sometimes just to keep it going. He
carefully drove us up to Richmond where we found a secure car park then got
Ayden who was still fast asleep and settled him in his baby ride.

After looking in three shops we still hadn't seen anything we liked, that
was until we walked into what looked like an interior decorator's dream
warehouse. All Aussie made goods from candles to enormous candelabras,
solid wood furniture and glass top tables. The guy behind the counter
looked familiar to me, maybe I had met him somewhere; but the shop name was
unfamiliar. He looked up firstly at Evan then me; his face changed into a
large smile then a slight frown like he had remembered something.

"Good morning Den, good to see you again." He held his hand out.  "Sorry
mate my mind is a mash today, have we met?"  "It's understandable you don't
remember me, Tony Gable, we shared space at Louise's gallery in Prahran
last year, you sold heaps, I sold a coffee table to your wife." He managed
to sort of laugh.  I remembered him then. He was an artist and most of this
stuff was his own work, for a young gun he was bloody brilliant.  "Of
course Tony, now I remember, this is my mate Evan Spicer." They shook hands
and it was then that I noticed something maybe had clicked with them.

"I am sorry for your loss Den, a terrible accident, I won't go on but if
there's anything you need just let me know." He was genuine.  "Thank you,
it's been tough lately but I'm moving into a more kid friendly place and
need furniture, could you help me by showing us your amazing stock." I
managed a smile and I knew I would buy something from him, Carol had loved
our coffee table so I won't leave it in the apartment I will take it with
me.

"What exactly did you need?" He looked at me then Evan, who took up the
conversation.  "He needs a dining room table and chairs, two large sofas,
maybe a sideboard, bedside tables and several lamps and we will see after
that. I notice you don't sell beds but we can get them elsewhere."  "I have
bed sets and I'm an agent for the mattresses if that will do?"  "Perfect."
Evan was staring at him and he was by all standards better looking than
Evan. I don't blow my own horn but I'm not too bad in the looks department
either and maybe I was a bit put off he didn't fancy me so I laughed under
my breath. At least some humour is returning to my life.

I admired an amazing ten-seat red gum table that had a mirror shine to it,
and in the knots there were bugs that had been captured by the lacquer that
set them suspended in time. What a talking piece and at four grand I
thought it was a bargain. Evan then chose the two bulky four seater sofas
and dining chairs which were mismatched, but they will look awesome and a
nice sideboard was added to the bill. I wanted something contemporary for
the bedrooms and chose the modern art deco bed heads, the matching deco
side tables were sleek and went perfectly with the wrought iron bedside
lamps.

I ordered the king size mattress and base making sure it was the softest
one. We spent a small fortune with Tony and he gave us a very generous
discount with a promise to come to dinner after I had settled in. He will
get his movers to deliver and set up everything, and then he will come by
and help style it.

"He likes you," I leaned across and whispered to Evan.  "He doesn't you
know Den; he likes your money better."  Evan smiled but I sort of knew he
liked Tony. I walked off with Ayden and left them to talk addresses and
such, maybe Evan and he will date. I felt a little uneasy but nothing I
could pin point, just a familiar knotty feeling in my stomach. I tried to
analyse it but came up with almost nothing, just a nothing feeling that
maybe my friend will find love in this quiet shop in Richmond.

Ayden started to stir and if I don't find a change room soon I will have to
change his nappy in the car park.  "Evan we better be going, Ayden needs
changing and feeding."  "You can do it in my office Den, there's a
microwave to warm his bottle with too, do you both want coffee?"  "Thank
you Tony that's a great help and coffee is always a welcome bonus." I
smiled at Evan.

I changed my boy who by now had decided he was hungry and was singing his
hungry song at the top of his lungs, but he soon settled down when I put
his milk bottle in his mouth. He sucked away like there was nothing in this
world better than his milk, then his eyes drooped and I thought if I don't
keep him awake to finish he would be hungry again in a few hours.

Evan and Tony talked non-stop about his business and workshop; at one stage
he took him out the back to his warehouse to show him more works. They were
a while and I contemplated going to find them but Ayden decided to burp up
most of his lunch. I found the bathroom and cleaned myself as best I
could. By this time my little ball of fat was asleep again; that kid is
always one step ahead of me and gets me every time, never misses.

"He asked me to go on a date with him tonight."  "Are you going to go?"  "I
suppose so, he's kind of cute and fun to talk to."  "As opposed to grumpy
old me eh?"  "No Den, I don't see you that way, there's been a lot
happening in both our lives lately and you have an excuse to be moody." He
laughed.

He carefully drove us home and I planned the next thing I needed to do but
will wait until I move in; then go to the supermarket to stock up the
kitchen. All my linen and household goods were still in storage so I will
get them delivered tomorrow. Evan gave me the number and I organised with
the storage man to have the pod dropped off in the driveway so I can unload
it at my leisure, they will pick it up when it's empty. Today has been a
monumental day for me, I have laughed more that I have in months, gone
shopping and actually talked to a stranger on the phone, thank god, I think
I'm starting to heal.

"It's Saturday tomorrow so I can come and help you." Evan smiled.  "No it's
okay Evan, sleep in and relax for the day, you've done enough for me and it
won't be hard to do." I was thinking of his date and wanted him to feel he
can sleep in if he has company and not to rush because of me, but again I
felt alone.  Later in the day he went for a shower and changed into his
jeans and t-shirt and looked amazing, in his casual dress he looked like
any other good looking guy that's going on a hot date.

"You have fun tonight mate, if you want to bring him home I will be out of
the way by ten okay?"  "That's not going to happen Den, we are just going
to a pub he knows in Chapel street and only for a few beers that's all."
"Okay but you kind of like him don't you?"  "Of course I do but..." He
didn't finish because my boy had started his, `I'm hungry,' routine again.
I knew this would happen, being left alone on a Friday night. Susan had
gone out to organise a few things and she really will be missed at my new
place but I have to start doing this on my own. It's what I'm supposed to
do, just my son and me and peace and quiet is all I want for now.

"Sorry, got to feed the little monster again."  "It's okay Den, I will see
you around ten."  "Sure you don't want to fuck him?"  He blushed and
stammered, "Of course not... no!" I didn't believe him and again I felt a
sort of loss.

By this time, it was seven thirty and he had to go meet his date while I
saw to Ayden and we sat in front of the television and chilled. I'd brought
his bouncer out and placed it on the floor next to the sofa but the next
minute I was being shaken awake.  "What time is it?"  "Just after eleven
Den."  "Aiden?"  "In his cot, time to go to bed buddy." I was still half
asleep but remember I was a little put out because he said he would be home
by ten.  "Who do you think you are coming home so late? Go to bed young
man," comes to mind, but I think I dreamt it.

I half woke up and stretched and sensing I wasn't alone I turned over and
came face to face with Evan who was staring at me. I lifted up on my elbow.
"What, what the hell am I doing in your bed?"  "Umm you headed this way
last night and by the time I got to you, sleep intervened and I didn't want
to wake you." He smiled that bloody beautiful smile again.  I laid back and
rubbed my face.  "How was your date, did he get lucky?"  "No, he didn't but
he tried. I told you Den; I'm not looking for a quickie." My hand had
snaked down into my jocks and I started scratching an itch that had
appeared in my pubes.  "Tell me you're not masturbating Den." He laughed at
my confused face.  "Fuck off, if I was, you wouldn't be in this bed with me
while I was doing it."

He laughed again and threw the covers back then headed for his en suite but
I noticed a big bulge threatening to pop out his fly. He turned around and
said before he scooted out the door,

"Oh and sorry I was late home daddy; we ran out of petrol." He laughed and
I blushed. I didn't dream of telling him off but it was good to hear him
laugh, it warmed me but when I thought of it I was still slightly pissed
off he was so late.  I heard the shower and because he mentioned it, I took
my member in my fist and started stroking but I had to pull the plug
because I didn't want to get my jizz all over his nice sheets. Following my
cock out to the kitchen I willed it to go down while I put the kettle on.
I actually had to cum in the shower because I had a flash of both of us in
bed pulling ourselves off; it kind of turned me on. It's been months since
I've had a fuck, even when Carol was with me we didn't do it that often,
too tired, too sleepy, got a headache all that, she was a wonderful mother
and wife but not very sexual.

I unloaded in the shower and for a moment, just a fleeting moment, I
wondered what it would be like to have Evan's mouth on my dick. I have had
thoughts like that before but usually put them down to being inquisitive
that's all, or maybe to be honest... desperate.

"What time are you going to the house Den?"  "As soon as I get Ayden's toys
and clothes into the car. They are dropping the pod off this morning so I
can get started on that and if Susan is going to be around I can get her to
babysit." As if on cue, Sue emerged from her room and said, "Susan's around
and tired, Ayden's been changed and fed and he's gone back to sleep." She
walked out with her hair all over the place. She is a gorgeous girl and my
loins did stir when I was around her but it's a no go zone, everything is
still too raw for me to be thinking of moving on.

"Thank you Sue, will you need a lift to the airport when you fly?"  "No
thanks Den, Patrick is taking me out and I'll let you know when I'll be
back but in the meantime I want photos of Ayden, I am going to miss him and
you guys so much." She sat at the table and had her toast and coffee and
when I looked up, Evan was staring at me.

"What's the matter?"  "Nothing Den, nothing at all." He went to dress for
the day and I watched him walk away.  "He thinks you and I have a
connection going on," Susan said out of earshot.  "What?"  "I think he's
maybe a little jealous." She was being serious.  "Jealous of what, there's
nothing to be jealous of." I was confused.  "Don't stress Den, he's a great
guy and he loves you to death."  "I love him too Sue, he's been so good to
us and without him I would have gone completely insane by now. God only
knows where Ayden would be without him too."  "I don't think he's liking
your move; can you do me a big favour Den?"  "Sure anything."  "Can you try
and keep him in your life after you move? I know he will be lonely again
and I sort of worry for him."  "What do you mean, of course I could never
forget him, he's family, my family and what do you mean by lonely again, I
didn't know that?" I was shocked she said that, of course Evan will always
be in my life. I had wanted him to move in with us.

"He's been on his own for years Den and they were lonely years, he's
waiting for Mr. Right but he doesn't seem to exist for him. I'm worried he
will be lonelier than he was before you and Carol moved in."  "How? How do
you know all that?"  "We talk Den, just talking that's all, like you do
with me."

I was more confused than before; Susan was talking in riddles. Evan was
being off handed and Ayden needed my cuddles because I can hear him
stirring again.  I went and picked up my now chubby baby before walking him
out to sit in the lounge room. He was squealing and smiling at my antics
and ugly faces I was pulling and it was such a joy looking into his
trusting, blue eyes. Evan went out without saying anything, I wanted to
chase him but thought better of it, I really don't want to ask him
difficult questions.

I arrived at the house with a carload of stuff and parking out the front I
checked the storage pod was in the drive, it was. After ten trips into the
house I finally emptied the car. I opened the sliding door at the side of
the house then used my code to open the pod. Everything was packed in
perfectly, boxed and labelled so I knew which room to put each box in. A
quarter way through Evan arrived with Ayden but Susan had to go out and he
thought by now I would like a coffee.  "I'm pooped and coffee is just what
I need, want to sit out the back?"  "Sure Den." He seemed in a better mood.

He took Ayden's basket and popped it on the bench and sat facing him and
blowing on the coffee because it was scalding hot. I looked down at the
table and saw it. Among the dust was a heart with, `Evan loves ...',
written in it. I remembered Evan doing that earlier this week. Evan loves
who? Who does Evan love? He never told me he was in love and I haven't seen
him with anybody except Tony, I should know these things.

"So who do you love Evan?"  "What?"  "Here you wrote Evan loves. Who?"
"Just silly doodling Den, it means nothing mate."  "Okay but you'll tell me
if Tony's the one won't you?"  "Sure but I don't think he's the one and
only Den, I might not even date him again."  "Why, he's nice?"  "He's not
me, he's not...the one." He left it unsaid and sipped his coffee.  I
thought about it for a while. In my head I was secretly pleased, but why?
That's what I couldn't understand.

"Will you change your mind about moving in with me Evan, there's plenty of
room and it is your place?"  "No Den, you need to get back to some
normality in your life and me being around will be a distraction. I would
like you to start painting again, I used to love watching you create
something wonderful out of nothing."  "Well if it's ever going to happen,
it will be in this place, that attic is perfect."

He helped me get the rest of the stuff out of the pod and then we started
opening boxes to put linen and towels away in cupboards, bathroom products
and kitchen stuff emptied out and put where they lived. By the time we had
finished it was late and Ayden needed feeding again so we locked up and
went home. Evan changed the baby while I made up his formula. He was
pulling faces at him and I could hear baby giggles, he's growing so fast he
will be crawling soon. Evan fed him while I watched the news but the
slurping made me look over. Evan had a tear dripping down his cheek so I
put my hand out to turn his face to mine.

"What's up, please tell me?"  "Nothing, just getting a little down that's
all."

I had realised that I wasn't the only one grieving, Evan must have been
hurting so much yet he was looking after me. Maybe it's time we had a good
talk, maybe it's time I looked after him for a change?

"It's okay Evan, I understand."  I rubbed his shoulder.  "Do you?"  "Yes my
friend, I forget sometimes that you are family and you loved Carol as much
as me. I'm sorry I get a bit self absorbed sometimes, do you want to talk
about it?"  "No Den, but it's not Carol; one day I will tell you but for
now I'm good. It's just every now and then I get a bit down and start
feeling sorry for myself, everything's okay though, it passes quickly."

He placed a towel on his shoulder and started burping bubs. He was smelling
and kissing his head until he let out a noisy ripper, no milk, good!  After
that chubby bubby was put to bed, his night-light was switched on and we
both kissed him goodnight.  "Why don't you move in with us Evan, please?" I
thought I might make a last ditch effort.  "No Den, you need some space and
you need to get back to your work. I think the house is ideal for you and
Ayden, nice and quiet."  "But we will miss you, think about it again will
you, there's plenty of room?"  "I won't be in Melbourne for the next few
months Den, I have been ordered to the Sydney office to work on a major
class action." He played with his cup.  "What? When were you going to tell
me, you can't go, we need you, Ayden needs you, I need you."  "And you need
me because?" He opened his hands.  "Because I do, you're family, you're my
only friend and we have lived through some terrible moments and some good
ones, you can't go."

I was getting mad because I knew he had to go and there wasn't anything I
could possibly do about it.  "I'm leaving Thursday next week Den, don't be
mad, it's work but I'll be back. Maybe you both could come to Sydney for a
weekend or I could come home? Time will fly by."  "But you can't go, I
won't let you, I need your help," I almost begged.  "No you don't Den, you
need to start a new life and there's a big world out there for you and
Ayden. Make a new path, meet new friends and maybe just maybe you will find
someone to share it with again."  "No chance of that ever happening, I just
want my son and you in my life, you make everything feel safe and calm. You
helped stop the screaming in my head and somehow you dulled the hurt in my
gut."  "I'm glad I could do that for you, you deserve to be happy again."
He didn't say anything else and I was mad at him, pretty selfish of me but
he should stay here with us.

I got up to check on Ayden around one am as Susan wasn't expected home and
as I changed his nappy I thought about the cold void Evan's leaving will
bring back again. Just then I felt a hand on my shoulder and he said,
"Everything okay in here?"  "Yes Evan, looks like he will sleep through the
night, why are you up?"  "Can't sleep, too much going on in my brain."
"Want some company?"  "Sure if you want."

I didn't say but I hadn't slept so well myself, I felt lonely and
considering our set up these past months it was becoming natural for us to
have sleepovers.  I jumped into bed turning the light off on my side. Evan
moved to his side away from me so I moved closer to him throwing my arm
across his shoulder, we are friends after all and if he hurts I hurt and
vice versa. I was almost asleep listening to his even breathing then I
heard him whisper almost silently, "Evan loves Den." Then his gentle
snoring started, I must have dropped off because the next thing I heard
was, "Coffee sleepy head?"  I stretched and thanked him. It doesn't matter
where I sleep I will always feel safe when he's there. I slept like a log
last night and for once in a long time I was alert and smiling this
morning.

"Did you sleep well buddy?"  "Yes Den, I must have died as soon as my head
hit the pillow, I can't understand why I couldn't do that earlier." He
smiled.  "Probably you needed some male testosterone to lull you into night
nights."  "Maybe." He again grinned. He sat on the bed and we chatted about
Sydney while we drank our coffee but he wasn't very forthcoming about his
work and I thought maybe it was because of secret lawyer's business.

I loaded the car again and headed for the house and Evan had to go into
work today to finish up something or other. Ayden and I had a great time,
he rolled around on the floor trying to get himself co-ordinated and his
giggles were warming my heart. Tomorrow the furniture arrives and this
afternoon I have to go buy some white goods which hopefully will be
delivered tomorrow. I really need a washer and dryer, my son loves to mess
himself ...often. Then after I do that all I have left is my workroom and
getting Ayden's baby stuff sorted.

I hauled us into Harvey Norman's as they have heaps of stuff. I collared a
helpful salesgirl and started in the electrical section. Washer, fridge,
microwave, a very nice mirror and assorted other things and the girl
assured me they would be delivered and set up tomorrow. Ayden is due for a
feed so instead of doing the supermarket I drove us back to Evan's.

Nobody was home so I set about settling Ayden by firstly giving him a
bath. I loved him like this, all clean and smelling of baby powder. I blew
raspberries on his tummy and he laughed, then as he slept. I went into my
apartment and started packing up my paintings. Most I will send off to the
galleries but will keep the portraits and in future they will only be seen
by me. I rolled up the big tarpaulin that protected the carpet from the
paint and washed and boxed the many mixing jars leaving not much else to do
except clean, but that can wait until the builders have finished.

Susan was there when I got back and was packing to leave in the morning,
she was spending a last night with her Aussie boyfriend then she will be
gone. We sat and talked about her future for awhile but Evan still hadn't
arrived home and I was getting a little worried about him, he's never
late. He didn't answer his phone either, but that's nothing new; he hates
talking on the phone he once told me. Eventually he rolled in around nine
looking the worse for wear, he said he had a work do and had caught a taxi
home. I've never seen Evan drunk, he's usually the sober one yet he opened
a bottle of wine and I had a glass, we toasted Susan then she had to go. It
was a sad goodbye and she promised she would be back in Australia very
soon. We are going to miss her so much and Ayden maybe will fret.

We discussed what I'd done today and then I changed Ayden, gave him some
more milk and he was out again for the night. I will leave his door open
just in case he wakes, in the recent past that was Sue's job. After saying
goodnight to Evan I crawled into bed and I read for a while then turned the
light out. I was exhausted and my sleep came fast. I woke during the night
and checked on Ayden then when I was drinking a glass of water by the sink
I remembered what Evan had said just before he went to sleep last night,
`Evan loves Den.' Did he mean me or someone else? He was late getting home,
maybe he's getting sick of my company, maybe he's seeing a client or
workmate?

It did cross my mind a long time ago that Evan was very drawn to me, he
always encouraged me in my art and even had bought two paintings. One was a
Melbourne scene with bright trams and trains in it while the other was a
self portrait, the only one I have ever done of myself. It wasn't that
good, I didn't like it but Evan did, he got it at mate's rates and it hangs
in his bedroom. I wondered again if what he said was true and getting back
into bed I cupped my balls and started stroking. I was actually thinking I
was screwing Evan's firm round ass, it wasn't gross to me but felt natural
and I blasted out a thick wad. it's a shame Evan can't have babies; he
would make a wonderful daddy.

Maybe he does love me? I know he does and I love him in my own way, I
couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I drifted off again and the
nightmare I had was horrible; I again woke up in a cold sweat. It was
almost dawn so I checked bubby and found his nappy needed changing
again. While I gently did that he woke up so I put some milk on and fed him
on the sofa, he gurgled and slurped his way through three quarters of it
but wouldn't take anymore. I burped him again and he wasn't sick this time
so I wrapped him up neatly and held him in my arms, just staring into his
crystal blue eyes. Carol's eyes were blue, mine are green. I couldn't make
love to Carol after Ayden was born, she had turned right off sex and blamed
having a baby. It didn't seem to worry me because I was never over sexual,
anyway my fist was just as good in the shower, well the next best thing.

"Your up early." Evan walked out in his jocks looking like he had slept
well.  "Yeah had a nightmare but it's all gone now and this little roll of
fat wanted up so I've just been giving him lessons on life's important
things."  "And what are they Den?"  "Eat, shit, sleep and giggle." I
laughed.  "Coffee?"  "Yes please mate that would be nice."

I placed Ayden in his bouncer and he played with the rattles that were
strung across the shad.  I then took my pad and pencil out and started
drawing his eyes, I wanted to remember what they looked like when he was a
bub. My pad was full of dark thoughts, that was the result of when I felt
down. I sometimes drew something about then but never went back to check if
they were any good or not.

"Eyes, beautiful eyes Den, the house is going to be so good for you, I can
see an improvement in your work already."  "You've been peeking?"  "Do you
mind?"  "Not really."  "Someone has to check on your improvement." He
placed the coffee on the table and I put my pencil down and said,

"Tell me."  "Well I'll only tell you about the last five. The first ones
are too dark but then I noticed you had taken your black coat off and had a
blue t-shirt on and you were standing in a meadow in number five. The
fourth you drew was of Susan and some London landmarks, your Big Ben will
be amazing. The third is your new house and you are in the backyard
drinking coffee with a mate and the second is of me I think lying on a
beach. You got my skin tone right, now this one is of Ayden's eyes and I'm
thinking when you put colour to them it will burst into life."  "That's
very observant of you Evan, and the rest?"  "Don't go back there Den, it's
a place none of us want to re-visit anytime soon."  "Thank you."  "It's
okay, the last five have more colour than I have seen for months, keep it
up."

I flipped back a few pages to look at the one I had done of him and he was
magnificent, the glow from the sun on his face was ethereal.  "You made me
more buffed, or is that the way you see me?"  "It's real Evan, it's how you
look, do you want me to paint it for you?"  "I would love you to paint it
Den but let's leave it for now, do the eyes first, even from here I can see
their amazing depth."  I looked at him, no I stared at him, he dropped his
eyes. I didn't want to embarrass him so I put the book down and got up to
make breakfast.

"What time are the deliveries?"  "Around lunchtime."  "Do you want me
there?"  "Of course I do but if you have work I'll understand."  "No, day
off today, got to get ready for Sydney."  "Don't go Evan," I whispered.  "I
have to," he whispered back then coughed.  "Then hurry back to us please."
I needed him to be around.