Date: Wed, 1 Feb 2012 01:08:04 -0500
From: Jesse Jesse <gmmac1987@hotmail.com>
Subject: Before Ross 3

	I spent the rest of that evening on pins and needles. I couldn't
explain why I felt so nervous. To have already been so intimate with Ross,
my stomach churned and twisted. The other guests sitting at the dinner
table all commented on my lack of appetite. Though the roasted highland
venison was delicious, I just couldn't stand more than a few bites. In
fact, I found myself wanting nothing more than to simply go to bed and be
by myself. Ross seemed to notice this as well. Though he said nothing, all
during the meal I caught him watching me intently, his steely eyes seeming
to try and see what my heart was feeling. Finally our meal came to an end,
and I was ready to go to bed. The only problem was I couldn't go to bed,
not my own anyway. I'd already agreed to spend the night with Ross, but the
closer I drew down the hall toward his room the more I wondered if I really
wanted what I'd told him that afternoon or not. Oh, for goodness sake! I
was being absolutely foolish. There was no sense in being so childish, so
training my face in a smile I felt would hide how I really felt, I knocked
on the door. But when Ross answered he didn't smile. He wasn't standing in
underwear, as I'd imagined. He didn't even give me a wink. In fact, I was
caught totally off guard by his look of worry. His strong hand wrapped
around mine and beckoned me in. "Ah, come in. I've been wantin' tae talk
tae ye again. Ye've had us all worried this evening. Are ye sure ye're all
right?" I stood gazing into his eyes, those steely blue eyes that seemed
more and more to peer into my soul, and I knew I couldn't hide the truth. I
felt my face grow crimson as tears began streaming down my cheeks. "No. I'm
not okay, but the terrible part is I don't know what's really wrong." Ross
pulled me into his chest. "Then why dinna ye tell me what ye're feelin'?"
	Though some would tell me I am a hopeless sap, I have to admit that
I am a romantic, and nothing, to me at least, was more romantic than that
evening I spent with Ross. Though I'd really only known him just a couple
of days, he was proving to be the most considerate, caring, loving person
I'd ever met. Truth be told, I'd walked the hall between my room and his
that evening with a feeling of obligation. After what he'd done for me
today, I felt as though I owed him something, "turnabout being fair play,"
and all that. But I suppose that is what truly endeared me to Ross, he
didn't expect return favors or pleasures. He seemed quite content that
evening for us to simply curl up on the sofa together and stare out the
window at the distant ship lights that glided across the bay leading out
into the North Sea. We sat in silence for the longest time, not feeling the
need to talk. Occasionally one would stretch their limbs, only to cuddle
all the closer back. Finally when the silence was broken, Ross's voice was
kind and almost fatherly. "Ye weren't ready. When the time comes, ye'll be
ready, and ye'll know it." I turned to face him, feeling a slight tinge of
anger. "What do you mean? I was ready enough for what happened on the bus
today." His eyes shown with sincerity and compassion. "Jesse, take it from
someone who know's. Only you can know fer sure when ye're ready tae
surrender yer body that fully tae another person. Me goin' doon on ye today
is one thang, but actual intercourse is another." So caring and gentle. How
could I argue with him? Whether I cared to admit it or not, I knew he was
right. But suddenly a rather embarassing thought crossed my mind. For all
I'd told him about my life, I knew nothing of his. "Ross?" "Yeh?" "Tell me
about your life."
	He stared at me for a while as if I'd grown another head and then
laughed hysterically. "Why the fuck do ye ask a question like that fer?"
"Well, in once sense, it's not exactly like we're strangers, but in another
I realized that I don't really know that much about you." He grew
serious. "Are you serious aboot this?....................Well, all right."
"Well, how about your last name? I mean, most of the time, when you've had
somebody suck you off, it's nice to know their name." He laughed again,
almost uncontrollably. I so enjoyed hearing him laugh. "Well, fer starts
then, my full name is Ross Alexander McBride. I am twenty two years old,
and I was born and live in Cairnryan." "Where's that?" "It's a port town on
the shore of Loch Ryan, a sea loch. It's served by a ferry that travels
from Scotland to Ireland." "Ross?" "Yes love?" "Can you answer another,
more serious question for me?" "What is it?" "What did you mean about
knowing about surrendering your body?" ............He stared at me for what
seemed like hours, his eyes becoming almost glassy as his memories
transported him to some place I could not see. "I tell ye that because I
know it tae be true. I've not always been given the choice of whether I
gave my body to someone." My mind tride to wrape around such a
statement. "What do you mean?"
.................................................."Jesse, I've never told
anyone besides me own parents aboot this, but when I was fifteen I was
raped."...................I could have, and nearly fell of the
sofa. "Raped?! Oh, Ross......." It was his time to shed a few stray
tears. "I've never told anyone else. When I was fifteen I ran away from
home, wanted tae get away from ma parents and what I thought were strict
rules. I had a friend who lived in Glasgow, so I went up 'an lived with him
fer a few days. .........One night we decided tae go tae a party he knew of
ootside toon. Jay got shit-drunk and passed oot, so I was left
alone. Eventually I got a wee bit drunk meself, but not anythin' like
Jay. After a while this guy I'd never met started hittin' on me. Eventually
he found me alone in a room away from the other people at the party and
started comin' onto me. I fought him off as much as I could, but he was too
strong fer me.........................I screamed and did everythin' I could
tae get someone's attention, but they were almost all passed
oot........................................"