Date: Thu, 15 May 2014 21:52:01 +0100
From: Secret Writer <secret_writer@outlook.com>
Subject: Cal - 3

/*****

Cal - part 3


Notes from the author:

Hi there, this is my first story for nifty - so please let me know what
you think.  All constructive comments appreciated.  You can contact me at
secret_writer@outlook.com



All the usual disclaimers apply, if you shouldn't be reading this then
don't.  And if you don't like this kind of content, well really, wtf are
you doing here?



The previous episodes in this story can be found here:

http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/beginnings/cal



And don't forget, if you enoy this story (or even if you don't but have
found some other stuff you like) then think about supporting the site at
http://donate.nifty.org

*****/



The walk back to Davey's place was mostly silent and thankfully short.
As soon as he opened the door Scarlett was running towards us.  Fuck -
I'd almost fogotten about her.  But she wasn't really interested in me.



"Go and sit down Cal, I'll have to get Scarlett some more food."



I did as Davey suggested and walked in to the lounge.  Fuck Me.  It was
massive.  A big L-shaped room, with doors all down one side leading out
to the deck and garden.  I sat at one end of a sofa - there were three to
choose from - and waited.  Davey walked in moments later, carrying a
couple of beers.  He sat next to me, handing me a bottle.



"So tell me Cal - whatever it is you were trying to say earlier."



I though I had it, I thought I was back in control.  But I could feel the
tears building in my eyes almost immediately.



"Aww - come on Cal, it can't be that bad, surely."



He pulled me close to him, hugging me.  And I started to tell him.  The
honest, scary, tragic, sad truth about me.  For whatever reason, I
started to tell him everything.  The kind of person I am, the things I
do, and the things I have done.  He asked questions at appropriate
places, and was obviously paying attention, but I was doing most of the
talking.  An hour later, I stopped talking.  There wasn't much else to
say.  It actually felt pretty good, I don't think I've ever
told anyone most of the stuff I'd just told Davey.  But then I realised
what I'd done, and felt very scared.  I don't think I've ever felt so
vulnerable before in my whole life.  I don't let anyone in, no-one,
ever.  I looked up at Davey.  He was looking down at me.  And then it
happened.  He kissed me again.  But this wasn't soft and tender like
before, outside the bar.  This was hard, big, and totally fucking
awesome.  After several minutes of that, which I was totally getting
into, he pulled away.



"You're an amazing guy Cal, but I've got a busy weekend, so I'm going to
bed.  The spare room is made up, or you can come in with me, if you
want.  It's up to you."



Davey stood up, and walked off into his bedroom.  I sat there, slightly
stunned.  I tried to decide what to do, but struggled to make sense of
how I was feeling.  I could just leave and go home.  I could sleep in the
spare room - it's a nice bed.  Or I could sleep with him.  And what?
What was going to happen then?  What do I want to happen?  Do I even want
anything to happen at all?  But above all else, as much as I tried to
push it away, I knew that I wanted him to hold me again.  So I walked in
to his bedroom.



Wow.  And I mean - totally - fucking - stunned to near silence - knee
wobbling - wow.  Davey had started to undress, and was standing in just
his boxers.  His body was totally covered in hair, and he was actually in
pretty good shape.  Pecs nicely defined, no obvious six pack but flat and
hard chest and abs.  And his arms, big and bulging in all the right
places.  I'd wondered if he would just look 'big', but no, he looked
fucking fit.  Mmm - so apparently I really had been thinking about him a
lot.  He smiled when he saw me.  I smiled back, and started to undress,
watching him the whole time.  He was just starting to pull down his
boxers when Scarlett ran in.  She was apparently planning on sleeping
with Davey too.  Fucking stupid dog.  Davey crouched down, stroking her
head.



"Aww Scarlett honey, I'm sorry, but you're gonna be out in the kitchen
tonight."



I don't really believe that people can talk to animals and crazy shit
like that, but I swear she looked at him like she understood - and then
glared at me like it was all my fault.  Which I guess maybe it was.
Scarlett trotted off and Davey closed the door, flicking off the lights
too.  Disappointed at not getting to see him totally naked, I finished
undressing and climbed in to bed, as Davey did the same.  As soon as I
felt his body next to mine, I knew that I'd made the right decision.
Kissing him again, with renewed energy and enthusiasm, and just plain old
lust.  His arms around me, he pulled me against his body so that I was
almost on top of him.  Feeling him hold me so completely, I was immensely
turned on - and I could feel that he was too.  But somehow that wasn't
the most important thing.  I lay my head on his massive hard and hairy
(perhaps furry or fuzzy is a better description) chest, and closed my
eyes.  I felt safe.  It was amazing, and intoxicating, and exhausting all
at the same time.  I knew then that we weren't going to be fucking -
which was both unusual and a slight relief.  I've never slept with a guy
and not had sex.  But also, it really didn't feel like he was desperate
for me to be fucking him - which made me kinds nervous.  I've always been
a top.  Apart from in prison - which if normal rules applied would just
be called rape - no-one has ever fucked me.  And Davey, well, he's not a
small guy.  It was a scary prospect.  As these thoughts filled my mind, I
was also aware of feeling that it really wasn't going to matter that
much, things would be OK, and I drifted off to sleep.



I woke up on Saturday morning with a smile on my face and a hard-on that
just wouldn't quit.  But Davey was nowhere to be seen.  I pulled on my
jeans and went to find him.  When I got to the kitchen, there was a note
stuck on the coffee machine.  'Out with Scarlett, help yourself to coffee
and breakfast, back by 11.'  Checking the time, it was 10.45.  Wow - I
never sleep in so late.  Coffee seemed like a good idea, but who the fuck
owns a coffee machine that's this complicated?  I pressed a couple of
buttons that looked like they might be hinting at releasing coffee, but
nothing seemed to happen.  The third attempt resulted in a scary sounding
noise like it was about to explode or something, so I turned it off and
made tea instead.  The kettle was a whole lot simpler.  Sitting at the
kitchen table, my thoughts were all over the place.  I like it here - I
mean it's a really great apartment, but I liked being here too, with
Davey.  I started to daydream about how things might work out but didn't
get very far as there was a loud banging at the door.  I guessed it was
Davey getting back, so went and opened the door, pushing my jeans down a
little to expose my smooth body more.



Of course it wasn't Davey.  It was Kati.  We stood in silence for a few
seconds.  I was kinda embarrassed, not least because the only other time
I've met this woman was last night when I made a complete fucking idiot
of myself.  Bollocks.  And now she was here, expecting Davey, but getting
me instead.  For her part, she was looking me over with eyes like
lasers,  I swear she was trying to burn me a new tattoo or something as
she scanned over my exposed chest and abs, noticing the scars as well as
the ink, she was mega intense.



"Hey Kati."  I broke the tense silence.



"Hello Cal, I wasn't expecting you to still be around."  Not the warmest
of greetings I thought.



"Davey's out with Scarett, but he should be back any minute."



"OK, well give me a hand with these then, you may as well do something to
help."  She stepped to the side, pointing at three crates of champagne.
I looked at her, confused.



"They're for the party, tonight, you know?"  She obviously expected me to
know what it was she was talking about.



"Oh, right, sure."  I picked up a box and carried it in to the kitchen.
Kati followed me, carrying nothing.



"You do know about the party - right? I mean, presumably you haven't just
arrived here this morning dressed like that so you'll be coming?"



I walked back to the doorway and picked up the second box.



"I haven't got a fucking clue what you're talking about Kati, and not
that it's any of your business, but no, I didn't just arrive this morning
dressed like this.  Obviously."



I stacked the box on top of the first and headed back for the last one.



"Oh.  I just thought Davey would have said."  She sounded just the
tiniest bit apologetic.  If you listed hard.



"No, didn't mention it."  I stacked the last box.



"OK, well presumably you'll turn up anyway, you seem good at that.  We're
having a party for Davey's birthday, here, tonight."



"Oh, when's his birthday?"  Kati rolled her eyes at me.



"It was yesterday."  She was shaking her head a little.



"Oh fuck - is that what you guys were doing at the bar?"  It was stupid
question, of course that's why they were there.



"Yes, it was.  And the you turned up, which was surprising.  But I guess
Davey got a birthday present form you anyway?"  She was obviously amused
by her insinuation.



"Fuck you!"  it seemed like the only appropriate reply.



"Wow - you really are a sensitive little guy aren't you?"



"I just don't like people making assumptions about me."  I was mad at
her, but knew I had to try and restrain myself.



"And I don't like little kids trying to take advantage of Davey, not
after what he's been through, so either your serious about this, in which
case, make a fucking effort and don't even think about hurting him, or
your not and you should just fuck off now."



It's fair to say I was shocked by her blunt approach.  I felt my fragile
hold on this fantasy future life might be lost at any minute, my eyes
moistening at the thought.  What's happening to me?  I've cried more in
the last seven days than I have in the last ten years.



"OK, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was Davey's birthday.  And I don't know
what's going on between us, if anything.  Maybe you should ask him
because I haven't got a fucking clue.  I know that I like being with him,
and that my world seems like a better place when he's in it.  Am I
serious about it?  I don't even understand what it is I'm supposed to be
serious about.  I've never felt like this before, about anyone, or
anything, and you're attitude isn't fucking helping.  Maybe you should
just ask Davey, because I really have no fucking idea what's going on."



I walked back in to the bedroom, just wanting to be out of that
conversation for a few minutes.  As I was searching for my t-shirt, I
heard Davey returning.  I sat on the edge of the bed, listening to him
and Kati talk as I put my trainers on.



"Hey Kati - when did you get here?"  Davey was obviously a little
surprised to find here in the kitchen.



"Just a few minutes ago."



"And where's Cal?"



"How should I know?  He just walked off in a huff."



"What? Why?  What did you say to him Kati?"



"Me? I didn't say anything, he carried the boxes in for me, and we were
talking, and then he walked off."



"Oh really?"  Davey's tone was clearly sarcastic.  "So you weren't gining
him a hard time then?"



"OK, well maybe just a bit.  But really Davey - I mean - who is he?"



"He's a great guy Kati, and I like him, so be nice."



"But you don't know anything about him.  Have you seen all of those
scars?  Well of course you have.  But you don't get those from working in
sales do you?"



"Have you been perving over my boyfriend Kati?"



"Your boyfriend!?"  Kati's surprise was evident, matched only by my own.



"OK, so maybe not my boyfriend, not yet at least.  But yes, I have seen
the scars, and the very fit body they are on too.  And yes, I DO know
where they came from, no, it's not from working in sales, and no, it's
none of your business."



I felt kind of proud - Davey was defending me.



"But Davey..."



"No Kati.  I mean it.  I know what I'm doing and I know that you all just
look out for me, and that's great, but this is different.  He's
different."



My attention was temporarily taken by Scarlett, who had apparently come
in to the bedroom without me noticing.  She jumped up and sat next to me
on the bed, looking at me.  I looked at her.  She sat down on the bed,
resting her head on my thigh.  Great, the crazy fucking killer dog beast
now wants to be friends.  Very carefully, I stroked her head as I had
seen Davey do.  I still had my hand intact, and Scarlett seemed to be
happy, or at least, not killing me, which was good enough.  I returned to
listening in to Davey and Kati.



"...don't stress about it Kati.  I don't even know if he likes me like
that."



"What do you mean?  He was in your apartment half dressed this morning,
of course he likes you!"



"It's not like that Kati.  He spent the night, that's all.



"You mean...you haven't....you didn't...?"



"No, nothing happened.  Well, not nothing, but nothing that you're
imagining!"



"Oh."  Kati seemed shocked.  "Maybe I was a little harsh on him earlier
then."



"Well you need to make it better then, becasue he's staying - if he wants
to.  Maybe for a long time.  Maybe forever."



"Oh my god Davey - are you serious?"



"Yes, I'm serious.  I've got no idea of where it's going, but I could
very easily be in love with him.  He's totally adorable, and if you stop
being such a bitch for a moment, you'd see that he makes me happy."
Davey's tone was warm and gentle, but firm.



"Wow.  The "H" word.  It really is serious."  Gently mocking, Kati seemed
to take Davey at his word.



"Assuming that you haven't already scared him off that is."



I could hear Davey walking across the hallway, towards the bedroom.  I
turned my attention back to Scarlett.  I'd almost forgotten that the
killing machine was resting on my thigh, seemingly content.  Davey walked
in.



"Scarlett, leave the boy alone, you're just being mean doing that to
him."  Again, Scarlett seemed to understand, slowly getting up and
trotting off.



"Thanks Davey, but it's OK really."



Do I tell him that I've overheard his entire conversation with Kati?
That I know he might be in love with me?  Fuck.  I don't even know what
that means.  Thankfully, Davey doesn't mention it.



"So I guess you've heard about the party?  You're going to be here,
right?"  It was phrased as a question, but Davey was clearly expecting me
to be around.



"Yeah, Kati filled me in.  I'll be here for sure."  Even though a good
proportion of me was dreading the idea of meeting yet more of his friends
- that hadn't exactly gone well so far.



"Great."  When he smiled at me, I melted a little bit inside.



"But I need to get some stuff sorted this afternoon Davey.  I need to go
home for a bit, and then I'll be back later.  What time does it start?"



"I think we said from 7.00pm, but just come back whenever you're ready."



"Nice, I will."  I walked into the hallway with Davey.  Kati was stood in
the kitchen doorway.  Davey very cleverly left the two of us there as he
walked in to the lounge.



"So Cal.... about earlier..."  Kati spoke first.



"Hey, don't worry about it.  I'll be back later."   And off I went.



I got home and closed the door, leaning back against it, scanning my
bedsit.  The whole place would it in Davey's lounge.  I had some serious
thinking to do, and as will all serious things, weed was going to help.
Just one though.  OK, maybe two.  An hour later, I'm laying on my bed,
pleasantly buzzed, but no closer to knowing what to do.  I liked Davey.
I really liked him.  That was the first problem to solve.  I've never
really actually felt things about people before.  Ok, so not like 'ever',
but not for many years.  My emotions were going crazy and just doing
their own thing, no mater how hard I tried to keep them in check.  Even
now, I knew that I missed being with him.  But how could it possible work
out?  I mean really, look at me, I'm like a million miles away from
anyone in his world, why on earth did I think that I could be happy with
someone like him?



But that is what I was thinking.  I could be happy.  Be safe.  Be loved.
Oh god, I really wanted that.  The door to that place at the back of my
mind where I very carefull shut away those kind of thoughts was suddenly
seeming not so secure.  So I had to make a choice.  Probably many, but
just one at a time.  Walk away, and carry on as before.  Or do something
different.  That might sound like a stupidly easy choice - but it's not.
Thankfully - there's a significant part of me that has always been a
cocky self assured bastard, and it was ultimately that part which won
out.  I was going to do it.  Who knows how, or why, or even if it's
actually possible, but I'm going to do something different.  So I picked
up an old letter and a pen and started making a list on the back.  I'm
going to spend the afternoon cashing out.



Everyone who owed me anything, was gonna get a visit.  And then everyone
who I owed anything to.  I wanted to stop my life as I knew it, without
there being any 'unfinished business' to come back and bite me later on.
Then I was going to sell whatever I could.  After all, I've also got a
present to buy, and I'll need some more decent clothes if I'm going to
look respectable, no I want to look amazing.



So for the next couple of hours, that's what I did.  Settled scores.  By
the end of it, I had several hundred quid and three hours left before the
party.  Next problem - a present.  What the fuck am I supposed to buy
Davey for his Birthday?  I realised that I don't really know the first
thing about him.  I don't even know his last name, never mind what his
job is, or what he likes and doesn't like.  Bollocks.  Again.  I decided
that I needed to sort he present thing out first, and then I could spend
whatever I had left on myself, so I hit the shopping centre.



Too many choices!  Clothes - a bit weird, I hardly know him.  Music - no
idea what-so-ever what he's into.  Books - fucking hell, I've never been
in a bookshop, I don't think so.  Stupid shitty gift - well there's
plenty of options, but not the right tone.  I want to be taken
seriously.  I want him to know that I care.  Something for his apartment
- no way, what am I, his Mum?  Aaaaaargh!  By this time, I was just
wandering around, hoping that some kind of magic would happen and the
perfect present would just appear.  Temporarily I gave up on the gift and
went to buy myself some new clothes.  This was much easier.  Some new
shirts, smart enough to be smart, but still fashionable.  Jeans,
trousers, shoes, socks, boxers, t-shirts.  Mostly cheap but OK stuff, and
a few much nicer items.  In the last shop, I got changed into some of my
new stuff.  I didn't have time to iron anything, and also, I didn't own
an iron, so wearing them for an hour or two would hopefully help make
them look a bit less 'just out of the shop' new.  Dark blue jeans, deep
maroon all over pattern long sleeve shirt, open at the collar and then
another couple of buttons too, and shiny black shoes.  I also picked up a
new dumbbell bar for my eyebrow piercing with diamond like crystals on
each end.  A quick check in the mirror, yeah, I looked fucking good.



This obviously didn't solve the matter of what to buy Davey.  I was stood
at the wndow of a jewellery shop, looking at watches which I though
looked good, but for me, not for Davey.  My eyes flicked over the
displays, and I noticed a small tray of necklaces.  Apparently they were
hand-made, no prices.  But there was one that caught my attention, an
ankh.  Davey had a large screen print with the same design in his living
room, so that seemed like good enough evidence that the might like it.  I
walked in to the shop, and a very polite woman appeared in front of me.



"Is there anything I can help you with today sir?"  Wow.  Usually people
talk to me with that tone of 'I don't know what you think you are doing
in this store', but she was proper nice.  I asked her if I could see the
necklace in the window.  When she returned, I could see straight away
that this was really nice stuff.  It was heavier than I expected, and the
lady was telling me how it was all hand made solid silver, which was then
coated in platinum.  Fucking hell - that sounded expensive.  But it was
really nice.  I came on a chain the same colour, but that didn't seem
like it was something that Davey would wear.  The lady came back with
several different options, and in the end, I thought that it looked best
with just plain black leather lace.



"Is it a gift?" she asked.



"Yes, a birthday present."



"For someone special?"



"Erm...well, yeah, I errrr, I guess so."  I was a bit off balance by her
question.



"Well I think that he'll love it, he's lucky to have someone buy him
something as nice as this."  Fuck - how much was it going to be?



"About that, just how 'nice' is it?"  I had to ask.



"Well, the ankh on it's own will be... ", she checks some labels on the
back of the tray, "£350".



"Fucking hell."  My mouth not waiting for my brain to censor my thoughts.



"We do have some smaller..."



"No, sorry, it's fine.  Just didn't realise is all."  I might look like I
belonged in the shop, but I guess that my behaviour had betrayed me.



"Very good sir.  Would you like it gift wrapped?"



"Yes please."  I fucking hope the wrapping is free.  She threaded the
ankh onto the leather and arranged it in the box.



"And are you paying by card?"  I nearly laughed.  I haven't even got a
bank account, never mind a card!



"No, cash."  She didn't manage to withhold her look of surprise as I
counted out the money.



Back at my bedsit, I'm sat on my bed.  Next to me is possibly the most
expensive tiny little box I've ever legitimately owned, very nicely gift
wrapped.  And then there a holdall with everything else I own in it.  The
place is now as empty as the day I arrived.  I've been sat here for two
hours.  It's already nearly 8.00pm, the party will have started, and I'm
not there.  The only thing stopping me?  Fear.  Another relatively new
emotion.  I finally pull it together enough.  Standing up, the present
goes in my jeans pocket, and bag on my shoulder, and out I go.  Leaving
the key in to door, I know that whatever happens next, I won't be coming
back here.