Date: Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:07:32 -0500
From: Retta Michaels <rettamichaels@gmail.com>
Subject: Can You Catch My Heart - Buckets Of Blessings - Chapter 012

Can You Catch My Heart


Book One
Buckets Of Blessings

Chapter Twelve

By

Retta Michaels

Disclaimer:
If your laws do not allow you to read this story, then don't. All the
rest of you people who read it, if you think it's true, boy, have I
investment opportunities for you!

Notes From Retta:

For those of you who've enjoyed this story, there's more to come. For
the releases of the next two stories, I'm releasing one chapter each a
week.

Read and enjoy.

Chapter 12:

When I came down the steps, I took a look around and saw everything
was in order. I went over to Gregg and said, "When the boys come down,
do what you can to show them the ropes out here".

Jake said, "Ok"

Gregg said, "He's looking forward to this like he's got two new little
brothers."

"Good, Lonny and him will get along alright. Lenny will squeeze every
last bit of information from him about Mark. There's a boy there
that's in lust with Mark if you must know."

Gregg smiled and said, "Mark's right in there. You should have heard
the amount of questions he had about them."

"Oh, did he seem interested?"

"I don't know what Mark's interest is, but I do know he was asking a
lot of questions."

"Let's hope he thinks Len's attractive. I've tried to prepare him so
his hopes aren't up. I told him I'd introduce him, but I don't know
what Mark likes."

"I think Mark likes what he sees." joked Jake.

"No, that's my other brother. He's getting over that." I said nodding at Gregg.

"Hey, I'm not that bad."

"Well, Lon's that bad so do what you can to keep his hormones in
order. He's planning on coming down and scoping for a girlfriend at a
funeral for chrissake."

Gregg said, "Oh man, he's desperate."

Jake blushed and said, "I don't know, I found mine here."

"Have you two talked?"

Gregg joked and said, "I think he's on the phone all the time with her!"

"Oh, good for you. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Yeah and you remember a rolling stone gathers no moss."

"OK, just be careful, you don't want to look too needy and too clingy."

"Oh, I'm not doing that, am I?"

"I don't know, but if  you suddenly cut it back to one or two phone
calls a day now, she'd think something is up."

"We have to stop talking a lot because she's in her lab doing
research. She's anxious to find your scent and give it to  you as a
cologne."

"When she does that, I'm going to drive her insane because those two
coming down the steps have their own scents too. Lon's is a bit
stronger all the time, but Len's is awesome. I can't wait to see how
many he pulls to him at a dance club when he's all sweaty."

Gregg laughed and said, "That'd be funny. You three out there with all
the girls near you."

"Yeah, Ty wouldn't be happy."

"Well, give them to Lon."

Lon said, "Give me what?"

"We were discussing our scents and talking about going onto a dance
floor and getting all sweaty and drawing in all the girls. I said Ty
would be upset because I'd get all the girls and they said to give
them to you."

Lon smiled, "I'll take everyone of them you guys draw in. Three times
the bait, who's gonna complain?"

"Ooh, here comes Cora. I'll go tell her you're the straight one Lon."

"Lance get back here!"

"Cora, you're a vision of loveliness today and how are the children."

"They're doing wonderful. Peepsie and Poopsie are the reason I don't
stay here with you. Who are the youngsters you've got over there?"

"You've not met my brothers! I'm sorry, I surely thought someone would
grace you with an introduction. This one here is Leonard. Don't call
him that. He prefers Lenny. You probably won't draw him into a
conversation because he's too shy. Lon here is Lonny. Now Lonny is all
conversation. Why, we were just speaking and I was telling him how you
thought my scent smelled so good. Take a smell of Lonny's and see what
you think of his."

She leaned into Lonny and I swear she copped a feel. She stepped back
and seemed disinterested.

"Lenny has his own scent too, but I'm afraid you won't find him a
challenge. He's like me and prefers the company of men."

She smiled and said, "Oh, the unobtainable ones are the ones I like."

She smelled Lenny and said, "I think I prefer you Lance."

Both Lonny and Lenny began laughing and I said, "Well Cora, I'll do
what I can to please. You know I'm a busy man."

She laughed and said, "They way that one's walking, I'd say you are!"

"Oh Cora, don't speak about the love of my life that way. You know
he's fragile still."

"Fragile my ass."

"Cora that's not been fragile for a long time."

The boys all laughed and I said, "I'm sorry, I spoke the first thing
that came to my mind!"

"You spoke the truth. Now, I've got to get back in there instead of
out here gutter talking with the fellas."

She left and each one of the guy's faces were red from repressed laughter.

Lon said, "I feel violated. She had Charlie pegged instantly."

"Charlie?"

"Yeah, Charlie Horse"

"Oh man, What's your name Len?"

"I don't have a name. Am I supposed to have one?"

"Well, Lon there apparently had as much fun made of him in the showers
as I have. I learned when I started calling mine a name, the guys who
were straight would back off. The gay guys would call it by name."

"What's yours?"

"Longfellow."

Gregg started laughing and I can hear it now, an announcer at a horse
race. Charlie horse comes around the bend leading by a length but
Longfellow is coming up from behind. The young fellow has it by the
neck and he's beating Charlie horse like he's never beaten him before.
>From out of nowhere comes cotton candy, you know cotton candy is so
sweet everyone wants some. Cotton candy might be a pony compared to
the Clydesdales, but he wins by a sudden thrust."

Len said, "I like the name of that. I'll call mine that."

Gregg said, "Too late, that's mine. Get your own."

Jake laughed and said, "Mine's named "After midnight."

"What?"

"You know Patsy Cline, she'd go out walking "After Midnight" and if
you hear the number of songs that have that in it, you'd be amazed."

"Well that's original. Have Nicole name you a cologne that."

"I think there's one called that already."

"Oh, see what I get when I don't wear the stuff?"

They laughed and I walked off into the chapel. There's one thing I do
on the day of the funeral service to alleviate stress. Those involved
and I get into conversations similar to this. Usually, not as graphic,
but it's to get a smile on the faces so the event about to take place
isn't so sad. I only do this outside of the chapel and as soon as I
walk in, it's all business."

The guys were busy escorting people in and out of the chapel. Those
wearing suits came in, those wearing beer tee's and biker tee's went
to the garage. This left the front vestibule open for whatever and
whomever came in late. When the service got started, I wasn't going to
have someone seen on camera sitting down and taking off their jackets
making a wall about six feet wide of nothing but them. We had a
viewing audience and we had a person whom I would have respected at
all costs.

I walked through and spoke with many asking how they were but
listening very unfocused. My brain had to be too many places and they
realized it. I saw someone had moved some flowers again and went over
towards it. Bright blue. I turned to Ty and said "Get everyone out of
here" loud enough to get everyone moving.

In the most professional voice, he said, "Ladies and gentlemen, if you
would please step back into the rotunda, we'll be making adjustments
and have you back in momentarily."

I turned and saw people sitting. "MOVE!"

I heard a few "Well I never!"

Finally, I said, "IF the person that brought the bright blue
arrangement might come up and collect it, I won't think it's a bomb.
So either move out of here or take the consequences."

That got people moving. The voices that "Never" were giving "My words"

I turned to Ty and said, "Get the casket out of here and hit that
panic alarm. We need the police here and I want a dvd of who placed it
there in a heartbeat."

He looked at me and said, "Which first?"

"I'll get the body. You get the DVD. I want that arrangement left
where it is, and I want whomever allowed that arrangement into this
chapel in my office now."

Ty looked at me and said, "I swear I never saw it come in."

"I know, you've been busy. This whole thing is about to be fucked up
over someone not paying attention and I'm pissed."

I went in and watched the video. I saw it was brought in by an elderly
man in black pants, white blazer and a white stetson. Now, do I lift
the arrangement, or do I wait? Finally, I made the decision to find
the man and see who he was and tell him the situation.

I walked through the crowd and said, "Will the gentleman wearing a
white blazer and white stetson please come to the chapel?"

Soon, the gentleman came forward and I said, "Sir, security here is
rather tight. All those people are out there in that vestibule because
your flower arrangement hasn't been screened. If you would please take
it to the garage, I'll make arrangements for it to be placed there. If
not, then the bomb and arson squad will be called in."

He looked at me and said, "I just brought some flowers for the little filly."

"The little filly appreciates them as does her family. Those flowers
are holding up the funeral now."

He said, "You must have strong security."

"I do when it comes to a funeral this big and all these people's security."

"I'll move my flowers. You just got my business. It tells me you don't
care who I am and it tells me you take the person up there first and
foremost."

"I do. I'm sorry about hurting your feelings, but I've got to."

He nodded and took his flowers to the rear. Ty came in the side door
and I said, "Please show him a place that's distinguished for that
arrangement?"

Ty took a look and smiled. "Sure"

He gave me a look like 'Do you know who this is?"

I gave him a look like, "I don't care and it doesn't matter."

As soon as the offending flowers were away from the body, I felt tons
better. Yes, there was only a matter of walls between it and the
arrangement now, but if it was directional, then it'd not blast out
towards the family.

When the man came back in, he smiled and said, "That boy knows who I
am. He wants you to know so I may speak a eulogy."

The man looked familiar and I tried to think where I knew the face. He
definitely wasn't local.

He came over and shook my hand. "My real name is Reb but a lot of
people know me as Porcupine McCactus. Back when I was on a different
show, that woman in that casket wrote me a fan letter telling me about
a character she thought would be great for me. I thought about it and
since my career was in the doldrums, I decided to give it a one shot
chance and went for it. My character was to be the most hateful person
on the planet. The goal was to put me in situations where normal
people would make me see the light of my errors and have me being
liked by the end of the show. So, I thought a beard and walked with a
limp and had my eye like this and suddenly, Porcupine McCactus was
born. Cactus because the spines will get you if you touch it, but
Porcupine because you don't have to even get close and I'd shoot them
at  you."

I stood there and smiled and thought. She played the part in business too.

He went on and said, "Suddenly, I was the lovable bad man in shows and
they had me on a lot of the shows in the seventies. That woman's idea
made my career."

"Sir, I will get up and introduce you myself. I'm not familiar with
you because I don't watch much television, but I will do it because
that woman up there I'm understanding more and more. You, sir, are a
huge piece of the puzzle."

"Huh?"

"She was a woman in business. The horror stories of how she treated
people that crossed her, or were perceived threats are many, but she
was respected. Now I'm understanding the part she was playing. She got
you a career, but she got herself respect with the same character."

"Oh, well, all these years, she's kept in touch and she'd send
pictures of her family and of her successes in life. It was like she
voted me in as a replacement for her dad when they died."

"Probably. I'm glad  you're here."

He smiled and said, "You have no clue who I am, do you?"

"No, and it shouldn't matter. It's her day, but when the time comes,
I'm not going to let anyone steal your spotlight either."

He laughed and said, "Point well taken."

"No sir, that's the way it has to be. If I start allowing others to
disrespect the body, then for me, it's time to get out of the
business. What I'll do is I'll sit you at this end of the brewery
segment. Please keep your hat off until you stand up. I'll be telling
anyone else that same thing who is in this area. Another thing, this
is being televised locally, so it will hit a local audience. I hope
that's ok because there's no forms to protect you."

He nodded and said, "Ok, I appreciate the effort."

Ty came over and shook Reb's hand. I'd like to thank you for coming.
My mom was a big fan of yours. She has scrapbooks of your pictures."

"Oh really! I'd like to see them. I had one and it got destroyed in
one of the many wild fires they have out in California."

Ty smiled and said, "After the funeral, I'll get you them and which
you can have. I know Gregg or I won't keep them up like she did, so
it'll be great if you have them."

I saw the old man begin to tear up and I said, "Sorry, but I've got to
go let these people back in. They're probably worried to death."

Reb said, "I'll give a bit of an excuse for you when I speak."

I nodded and went to go open the doors.

The first person through the door was the police chief. He looked at
me concerned and said, "I have the bomb and arson squad on standby."

"It's nothing. As you see, every flower in here is pink and it's been
scanned by others for security. I came in and saw a bright blue
arrangement and believe me, that stood out."

He chuckled and said, "I bet it did. It'd look like a blue M&M laying
in Pepto Bismol.

I laughed and said, "You got that, so as soon as I saw it, I rushed
everyone out and then went to find who had placed it there. That
gentleman up there did. His name  is  Reb and he's some sort of
television character. He's ok from what I summize. Ty instantly
recognized him although the face doesn't ring a bell with me."

He nodded and said, "If the guy had a beard and his face was scrunched
up, I'd say he'd look like Porky McCactus."

"That'd be your man."

"Really! Oh man, you don't remember his shows?!"

"No, I didn't watch much television when I was little."

"Oh man, that guy was tops. He's the reason I chose going into law."

I nodded and turned to Mitch. Mitch looked amused and said, "You threw
the blue flowers out!"

"No, they're in the back."

"I was trying to get to you to tell you, but you had everyone moving
out before I could get there. I recognized him as soon as he got
here."

"You should have gotten to me. I don't know many famous people's faces."

He smiled and said, "Then, you don't recognize any of the Brewery contingent?"

"No, they're all there because I saw the Tie tack of the  Falcon E.
They never spoke, so I didn't either."

"They'll be speaking to me afterwards. I have to have their blessing
to continue running the business in her stead. If they don't allow it,
then I'll have thirty days to sell it to someone suitable or the
franchise will be given to someone else."

"Hard way to do business."

"Happens all the time. The key is to have good numbers before and have
a plan to keep the numbers up. We've got that in place."

"Take them the double books and tell them that's what was done by the
old guard and tell them that's the reason you fired the others."

"Do you know where the other books are?"

"Yeah, ask Chance. His uncle had them in his office under something
that didn't make them look like books. Also, if you can, I want Chance
in your front office. He'd do good in his uncle's old job. He's honest
and he'd be a check and balance if anything was amiss."

"Ok. I trust your judgment and will do it. Does he have accounting experience?"

"No, but from what I understand, the guy in there didn't either. He
was doing it like the banker in monopoly and then putting transactions
he didn't understand in one pile and all the others in another and
shipping it to the accountant. I'm guessing he learned enough through
the years to make notations of the discrepant transactions because it
should tell where all the missing money is and where all the missing
items are on your books."

"Oh Ok...I should've thanked him."

"No, let his butt sit and rot where he is. He wouldn't have told you a
thing. Chance is the one that brought it to me. The uncle is the one
we just hauled out of here trying to kill me in the office"

"Oh, No one told me who it was. Everyone knew something was going on,
but I never got told who it was and only caught snippets of
conversations."

"We didn't want everyone worried.

"Ok, so Chance is a good kid?"

"Yeah, he's a keeper. I'll tell you more later of how he fits in."

"I've heard a bit, but this past day has been really filled."

"Yeah, that's why we take you out of it tomorrow and get you some
relaxation time and time to get your mind off things."

He nodded and said, "I've got to get some trucks in here and twelve
door trailers."

"Yeah, I've been thinking about that. You might ask the brewery people
where the best leases are gotten on them. They might tell you, or they
might tell you to shop, but I'd say if they can't tell you, you'll
find a scribbled message palmed to you. My advice it to use it. That
will get you a wink from whomever."

He nodded and said, "You need to be in here working along side me."

"Nope, the amount of beer I desire to sell wouldn't fill a thimble.
I'll tell you ideas, but that's really how far I care to have it.
Maybe later, but not now."

He smiled and said, "Just stay in my corner."

"I'm there. Have you seen or heard from that guy in Quincy?"

"No, no flowers and not a word."

"That's strange. When he comes in, I've got word to sit him with the
brewery contingent. If he doesn't show, do you think they'll take
notice."

"I'm sure they will. In order to not be here, he'd have to be dead or
dying and I don't mean terminal...he has to be in the process of
dying...all other infractions are really frowned upon."

"Well, I'll tell you when this funeral starts, I'm closing those doors
back there and no one's getting in."

He nodded and said, "Fine by me, you know what's best."

"It's more respectful for the television audience. I'd say this room's
going to be full and the back looks like a biker convention."


He smiled and said, "It's probably more fun back there."

"Maybe, but all I think it'd take for a bunch of girls to start
showing their tits is one beer and I hope no one had a cold one
stashed."

"No, that'd be too much at a funeral."

"We think it but some people don't."

"Don't allow it here."

"Ok, I'll get my spare police officer on it."

He winked and said, "You've had a busy day with them."

"Yeah, hopefully it's over."

He nodded and said, "I've had days like that. I've still got mileage
in me, but I know I'm on the last quarter tank."

"When you hit E, tell me and I'll get you privacy fast. Better than
that, when you get to a little above E, tell me. I don't want to have
to catch you when you're sputtering to a  stop."

He nodded and said, "I don't know when the contingent wants their meeting."

"I'd say it'd be extremely distasteful to do it over an open casket.
They'll probably ask you when you want to speak with them. My
suggestion is to familiarize yourself with the books and know the
damages you've incurred before you take it to them. Them finding out
at the same time as you could be very ill advised. Also, may I suggest
one other item?"

"Yeah"

"When you go in, you have to go in and have something that will catch
their eye. My suggestion is proposing a bar that is going to be very
similar to Fast Eddie's...volume...volume....volume... They know the
numbers that man sells and they know you've got location of a large
area screaming for cheap food. Your idea will be one better because
you can have drive thru service and be a classy bar where a fella can
take his girl and honky tonk without fights happening."

"Not gonna happen. Wherever beer is served, there's going to be a disturbance."

"Yeah, but you don't know how to do it. There's a place I know that
culls out disorderlies before they even occur. If they occur, they've
got a final warning. If it happens again, they're banned from the
place and prosecuted. It doesn't matter who it is...the best customer
or the worst....no one is treated more than another."

"How do you do that with drinks? There's always going to be a
bartender that slips a shot."

"You're not understanding the volume side of the scale. The bartenders
I'm thinking of that have actual contact with the customer is really a
drink server. The bar tenders are up making drinks by the five gallon
bucket. Those buckets are poured into those liquid slush machines so
they're chilled. Each person is given a cup at the door for the night.
They buy the cup and that's it...if they want another cup, they buy
it...and I don't care who breaks it, there are no freebies. Also, once
a person leaves, they don't come back for that night. It's too easy
for someone to go to another place and get tanked and come back only
to hold you responsible for the lives they take when they leave."

"So you're talking high volume."

"Yeah, your profit is there and people aren't used to that. The catch
is bottles. Let's say a guy comes in the door and he's drinking bottle
beer. He pays the same twenty dollar cover as everyone else. He can
give that cup off to someone, and drink bottles and you're screwed.
What I'd do is insist he hold out that cup and you put the bottle in
it. That's his drink. He'll hold onto that cup then."

He looked at me and said, "Tell my boys about this. I want in too but
it can't be at the hotel."

I nodded and said, "I've got a job to do. The key here is to have you
thinking about the future and not the right now. You've said goodbye
and that's what everyone else is here to say."

"A lot of people here."

"Yeah, we've got another half hour and this place will fill beyond capacity."

He smiled. "She'd love this."

"Do me a favor and listen to what that man Reb has to say. I think
it's going to speak to your heart. I know I understand her so much
more than I did before."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was like a huge puzzle piece falling into place. Can I give
you a bit of advice?"

"You know you can."

"When we start the eulogies, it's going to be a formal occasion and
then, it will be a bit bizarre because you're going to have people
telling the truth as to what sort of person she was. The first ones
will be respectful, but then, it'd going to be like a snowball
rolling. What I will do is I will get up there and I'll step in when I
think it's time by making an announcement that we've run out of time.
I'd rather have people thinking I'm the hard ass than someone get up
there and start talking about her going to that motel."

"Oh man."

"Yeah, so what I'm saying is we're walking a high wire with no net.
I'll step in and stop it politely when we've heard enough and believe
me, I don't care who's next in line. You and the boys will be first
and then the brewery officials. Then cactus whats his name and...."

"You know Ty said you didn't know Porky and he thinks its funny."

"No, I didn't' get to watch much television. Maybe his shows were on
when we didn't have cable or maybe it was when I started working in
the fifth grade because after that, all my spare time was full."

"Oh. You really had a hard life, didn't you?"

"No, that's just the first twenty. The next eighty will be a piece of
cake after what I've been through."

He smiled and said, "I'd think so too. Can I get a hug?"

"Pops, you don't ever have to ask"

"Yeah I do. People are going to look and as much I value you and
respect you, I don't want any wrong words to be said on my behalf."

"They won't. If anyone says anything, it'll be because I hustled
everyone out of here earlier."

"They won't because I'm going to mention that in my eulogy."

"Reb's going to state something too. If anything, it will be out that
I take security very seriously. If it had been a bomb, it was easy to
see which one it was because that blue stuck out loud amongst all the
pink."

"It did that."

"Well, are you about ready?"

"Yeah, when you are."

"What I'm going to do is start the music so people know we've got a
few moments before it begins. I'm also going to make an announcement
where the rest rooms are and tell people if they need to use them, to
please do because once someone leaves, they are welcome to sit in any
chairs in the rotunda, or the sitting room upstairs, but entrance will
not be afforded to them due to security issues."

He nodded and I went up and started the music. I made my announcement
and a few people gave startled stares. Then, hurried to go to the
restroom. Thankfully, there were enough stalls to take care of the
rush. I think they knew I meant business after rushing everyone out.

I then went back and told the ushers, Lenny and Lonny not to let
anyone in through the doors and to please step inside and lock them.
They stood by the door as sentries and I got tears as I looked at them
standing so proud. I had to stop a moment and go hug them and tell
them how much I missed them and loved them. We made sure the doors
were locked and then, I went forward and locked the side door.  I
began the service by introducing the pastor from their church.

The funeral itself was wonderful. I'm not going into the details,
because I think you've got a good idea, but when Reb got up to give
his eulogy, He did so with his eye winked and his walk like a pirate.
He hit his character voice and everyone gasped. He then stood up and
said, "Wendy, Family, Distinguished guest, and fans. I come here today
to tell you a story. A story that began back years ago when one little
girl wrote a fan letter telling me how I could be a new character and
be oh so much better. That person was Wendy."

He got tears in his eyes and said, "For a lot of people, no one knows
what that one woman taught me. She taught me one could reinvent
himself and become better than what I  was previously. She did so with
her business life and she did so by using the character she helped me
to develop. A crotchety old fool that hated life and had life hating
her. Through it all, she taught lessons and she did it with a
no-nonsense attitude. She'd tell you she hated you and she'd tell you
she could run your business better than you, but she also got into
your head and got you to listen to her. You might've hated her, but by
God, you weren't dismissing her because she was a woman."

He looked down again and said, "Through the years, Wendy wrote me
letters. She told me of her family and she told me of her successes
and failures. The saddest letter I got was just a few days ago when
she told me that by the time I received this letter, she'd be dead.
She felt she'd failed her family by not being able to turn off her
character and show the human side. She said the edges were blurring
and she had to get out of it. She didn't state how, but she said she
had to end it before she had more people hating her than she could
bear."

He looked up and said, "She loved you Ty. She said so in this letter.
She said, "I'm so proud of him because he gave himself presents I took
away from him. He gave himself love where I should have been. And,
that boy showed me strength I couldn't even show myself. I love him
and I don't know how to show it anymore."

A murmur went through the audience and then he said, "Gregg, she loved
you. She knows your strength and she said she was aware she didn't do
you a service by exposing your weaknesses. She too had her flaws and
she said she couldn't bear to go on hurting you as she had. Her own
words were, I embarrass that boy and publicly humiliate him and he
still come over to me and kisses me and tells me loves me before he
leaves to go to school."

The murmuring continued and he said, "Mitch, she gave a discounted
effect of what she'd done to you , but she said, "There was a time I
couldn't love anyone more. Through the years, I was afraid I'd hurt
him the worst because of what I had to become to be a success in this
business. People take weakness for failure and I can't even show it to
my husband anymore. I've pushed him away all too often I fear, and I
can't tell him I love him without jabbing a spear into his heart at
the same time. When I've gotten to that point, I've got to get away
and go away. I hope people don't hate me, but I really think there's
no other way. Your fan until the end, Wendy

When that man finished speaking, open sobbing was evident everywhere.
Boxes of tissues were being passed around and I knew I had tears
streaming down my face too.

One of the contingent from the brewery got up and came to the side
door. She said, "Tell everyone there I'll send the limo back. Tell
Mitch business as usual. I've got to go home and apologize to my
family. The woman said this with tears in her eyes and as soon as she
cleared the door, she really let loose.

We continued with the eulogies, but not many got said that had the
effect of what Reb conveyed. The man might have been an actor I never
recognized, but he sure gave a performance if what he said wasn't from
the heart.

When I got to the point where a count of five couldn't get another
eulogist, I went over and made the announcement this ended the service
and a private family service would be held at the crematorium

The pallbearers stood and I requested everyone please remain seated
until we could get the body taken to the hearse. We did without
incident and I chirped the casket into the Escalade.

When I went back inside, I said, "The family will be up by the door
greeting everyone and any final memorials can be made through the slot
at the lectern I nodded and the boys opened the double doors. I saw
the cameras red buttons go off and knew they were down.

When I led the brewery contingent back, I said, "The woman who left
said she would send the limo back and to tell Mitch "business as
usual" and that she had to go home to her family."

The others nodded and inwardly, I thought to myself, that bunch is
more reserved than a bunch of morticians, but sadly I thought, "If
that woman isn't the boss, then she's probably left her job behind."

I went over and stood by Ty. He turned to me and gave me a huge hug
and kiss. He held the hug and said, "Babe, that was wonderful. She'd
been so proud."

Tears came to my eyes because he didn't know it, but every line got
crossed in this one and I was wondering if he now thought those lines
weren't sacred anymore.

We stood there until the final person that wasn't family went through
the door. I locked it and said, "Well, are you guys ready to go? Or,
do you want to wait?"

"Mitch came up to me and said, "Let me drive your Escalade and take
her up. She'd want that. It will be like our first date...just us
alone."

I gave him a hug and said, "Mitch, that gurney will work if you want
to do it alone. Otherwise, the casket will be too much for one."

He thought for a moment and said, "Ty knows how to do the thing with
the casket, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then Ty and Gregg. You two come on."

Ty looked at me and smiled. Tears sprung into my eyes because their
family was going for it's last ride together as they could ever
possibly know.

"Guys, they'll ask you if you want to wait for the ashes. Ty, as a
member of this funeral home, you can receive the ashes if you wish to
wait that long. My advice is to wait until Friday to receive them. It
will be too hard otherwise."

Mitch nodded and said, to Lonny and Lenny, "Boys, I promise you in the
future, anywhere I go, you get to go. This one is the only one I'll
withhold from you."

He winked and then went back to the back.

I looked around and after everything, the place looked blank. That's
the only word I can use which best describes it. It's like after a
party and no one had fun...that sort of blank. It had happened at
other funerals, but most of them, I didn't get that feeling anymore.
This one up to date, had been a milestone for me and I now knew it'd
be hard to top.

The boys came up and I said, "Ok, we've got a few things to discuss
and then I've got to know something."

The looked at me and I said, "This job you did today. Did you think it
was gross or too strange?"

"No, It was cool" said Lon.

Lenny smiled and said, "That's all there is to it?"

"Well, no, but that's one part of it. The next part will be putting
all these chairs on the racks in which they belong and then, we've got
to get out the carts in the basement and start taking the long stemmed
roses from the arrangements. What we're doing with them is some are
being used for a wedding and others are going to their church and the
rest are going to be bundled up into bundles of a dozen and we're
going to go to nursing homes and give them to the elderly. If there's
any left after that, we'll use  them here, but I doubt if we'll use
them."

A knock came at the door and I went to answer it. It was a guy from
the brewery contingent. He smiled and asked, "We were wondering if she
said how long it would be?"

"No, I've not clue. You're welcome to go upstairs in the sitting room,
but all I ask is when we take the chairs down, please be patient
because we'll be getting the original furniture back in there."

"We can help if you'd like?"

"I looked around and said, "Sure, in the garage straight down that
hall are the racks for these chairs. It shouldn't be hard if you use
the elevator to take the racks which are white up there. If you've not
used the bathroom, take a look at that one as it's the best."

"People outside were talking about the restrooms."

"They were talking about those. You'll appreciate them and if you ask
the maid upstairs, she'll show you the women's as it's just as
elegant, but different. Over across the hall up there is the gallery.
You should be able to open those double doors and the maid will show
you where each piece of furniture goes. You'll be amazed at  how fast
this place turns back into a funeral home."

"This was quite a funeral, wasn't it?"

"The biggest one I've ever done."

"I have one question I need to ask and please tell me if you can't tell me, ok?"

"Sure, let's go get those racks and then I'll speak with you. But,
let's go back here so I can get everyone moving. "

He smiled and followed me. When we got to the back, he said, "My
question is if you had any phoned excuse from our distributor in
Quincy?"

"Not a one. I do know Mitch expected him as they're partners, or so I
assume, but I know Mitch hasn't heard a thing."

"You are close with the family?"

"Yeah,"

"I asked because I noticed you and Mitch hugging and then their son
kissing you."

"If I answer that truthfully, are you going to hold that against them?"

"No, of course not."

"Ty and I are lovers. He's half owner of this funeral home."

"Oh man, that had to be hard."

"Very hard, but I handled the most of it and he helped with what I was
comfortable with him handling. There've been patches here that I've
never dealt with in a funeral, so if it looked a bit rough around the
edges, then please forgive me."

"No, it was wonderful and this place is awesome. In fact, I know
several of my people were all looking at this place and wishing it was
closer to the city."

"Maybe someday, but right now, we're concentrating on getting the new
one in Quincy built and then if my brothers show interest, we'll go
that route.  I think it'd be a challenge to find that amount of space
in the city and then, build one that would hold the volume of people I
think it'd need."

He looked at me and said, "How are they going to run the distributorship?"

"You should ask them. But, you asked me and I know enough to tell you
first hand. The first thing they're doing is firing everyone . There's
embezzlement and double books out there and all I know was it wasn't
the owners' doing it but it was upper management. So, when the cow has
mad cow, it's better to kill it and start over.  What they did in
regards to that is they've went to Quincy and hired every driver from
a bakery up there. Those guys are familiar with all the same locations
basicly as far as convenience stores and grocery. They're not familiar
with bars except in ones that have food.

The guys are giving an awesome package that even unionized crews would
envy. The way they're doing it is if one gets it from the company,
everyone gets it from the company. That's company leased vehicles to
drive home to cell phones, and insurance coverage. The guys will wear
uniforms that typify the original delivery route drivers from the
early days of the brewery and the drivers will immediately be known
whatever business they enter.

We still haven't gotten twelve door or twenty door trailers leased or
the semis to pull them, but they were hoping to get a heads up on
who's the best to lease them from in volume and speed. "

"How many do they need?"

"They were tossing around twenty eight but wanting to split the routes
which would make thirty nine."

"Tell them the company will spot them the trucks because they're going
to be getting the entire distribution at Quincy. That man has our
condolences, but he's let business slide and his numbers are clearly
stated in a memo from Wendy. She's went out and built up business on
her own and stated she found sloppy business practices everywhere she
turned. She said she invested twenty million in and we're not sure if
that's gross or if that's what she paid. We were hoping the family
would have the figures."

"Well, I can help you a bit there. "

He smiled and said, "You know quite a bit."

"My partner inherited seventy million. His brother inherited that much
too.  Mitch got screwed, but he did get tangibles like that
distribution center. To say there was no love lost for the woman when
we started this was an understatement. But, what's strange is I
understood her. You might not, but I do because I'm gay.

Here's what I mean. In order to be in business, I have to have things
ultra nice so that when people get through judging me, the fact I'm
gay doesn't make that much of a difference. Yes, there are still
rednecks that think they're pecker dead means more to me than my
lover's live one, but I wasn't going to get that business anyway, so
who am I fooling?

But, she was the same way as a woman. She inherited it from what I
understand and then threw Mitch's offer to share it out. She did it
alone all-the-while  becoming super cunt to anyone and everyone.
That's where she and I differ on business.

With me, I ask people politely the first time, The second time,  I
asked them if they think they ought to get their arses into gear and
the third time, I'm out there doing it myself thinking about who I can
get to replace that person.

With her, it might be sexist to say this, but she had to be tougher
than even a gay guy because of what she had between her legs making
her fight from a disadvantage. She went in like banshee woman and
fought using every weakness the opponent showed."

Now, getting to the answer of that question, she bought that place out
there  for twelve million. She probably put eight million into the
business, but I've not seen the books, so I can't tell you."

"Tell Mitch, I'll tell that guy up there he's taking it for five
million. There's no way I can sit down at the table and negotiate with
the guy if one partner paid twelve for half of it and the other sat
and didn't do a thing. Then, there's no way I'm going to split the
added increase of the worth when I know one partner did the investment
and the other didn't.  She invested twenty million in a twenty four
million dollar company. My sources say twenty five.  So, I'll sell the
other part of the distributorship to Mitch for that five million."

"How can you sell the center out from under the guy?"

"It's in the contracts. If we think you're that much of a fuck up, for
lack of better terms, and I have to come in, I'm not going to want to
jack with you how much the chicken costs. All I want is the eggs to be
sold. So, we put that into the contracts. It's all there and legal and
none of them don't have it in it. We don't have a distributorship
that's older than the nineteen thirties.  Before that, the brewery
owned road houses which sold the product and those were ran by some
very interesting characters. "

"Ok, so tell me this. If I chose to invest in a center, could I?"

"The quick answer is no. The franchises are awarded and it's done in
such a way that only family and friends are awarded the new
franchises.  Those are dependent upon sales. I'll tell you now, the
biggest cities aren't the ones that have the biggest sales. That man
over in Alton is easily leading the pack. "

"Are you, the brewer, going to have a problem if the family, the
distributor do what they're doing over there?"

"I won't have a problem with it, but the federal government will. They
have a law that was designed to put the roadhouses  out of business.
However, what I see as a possibility is an exploitation of you and
Ty's relationship. You are just the same as a family member, but you
don't have that blood, or legal ties. To me, you're the same as an
in-law and that would disqualify you if you dared to make it legal. As
long as it's NOT legal, you can be a business with "most favored"
status and get the product at a reduced rate.

Now, here's what I'll tell you now, if you do this, you have to have
your sales surpassing others who have the "most favored" status.  That
means you go into competition against them for that status.  If you do
not surpass their sales, then your wholesale price goes up and the
advantage stays with that most favored business. The disadvantage of
this is that other business has to have a concession that you as a
person will never attempt  to compete for that most favored status
again.  You are banned for life of achieving that sales bonus.
However, if they lose that status, then they'll never hold it again."

"Ok, let me think on this.  What businesses can get most favored status?"

"It's hard to state. It might be a grocery store for packaged beer by
the can, It might be a liquor store for packaged by the bottle, and it
might be a bar that has it by the keg.  It's hard to state because I
know a place down on the lake that has the keg locked up off their
Summer volume. "

"WOW!"

"Yeah, that means he sells that many kegs and it basicly has to beat
out the competition three to one for the day because he's operating on
a one hundred and ten day season. After that and before that, he's
shut."

"So, what you're saying is to size up the opponent and then see which
way is best to take him on. "

"Yeah, My advice is to sell really good food and do like he does and
make that profit through the volume, and then undercut the wholesale
price of putting the beer out the door. Or, low ball it at cost."

"So, throw quarter beer nights year long for draft and fifty cent beer
nights for bottles and then once it's sewn up, gradually raise the
price."

"No, keep the price where it is and use it as the draw to make up the
profit on the food."

"Oh, but that's exactly opposite of what I've heard the profit is in a
 bar. I heard sell the food low and the beer high."

"You can do that and make it back , but it's going to take a while."

"Well, let me think on it because I'd like to do something like that,
but maybe I better stick with funerals."

He smiled and said, "You do throw a helluva funeral. At first, I saw
all the pink flowers and thought," Oh my god, it's a fucking pink rose
explosion!" And then, I saw her and thought, "Wow, she really is a
woman! and I bet when she was a little girl, she wanted little girl
things like "My Little Princess" and "Barbie"," but her reputation is
such she was referred to as a 'man's bitch'....you know like guys will
talk about a manly man being a man's man, that's how they described
her."

I smiled and said, "I can't say she was Mitch's and that's what the
shame of it is."

We got done folding the chairs and putting them on the rack and then
began to scoot out the furniture to the sitting room. He said, "Man,
this is nice."

"Yeah, go take a look in those bathrooms if you want to see nice."

He went in and then came running back out. He said, "Man, that's
awesome! Let me go see the ladies and then I've got to run down and
get those guys. They'll die."

He came out and said, "You heated the seats! I saw the gold toilet and
said, "I've got to sit on one of those and sat and it was warm!"

He ran downstairs and came running back up with the guys. They took a
look at the room and then his excitement insisted they see the
restroom.  They didn't come out for a while and when they did, they
said, "Dude, that bathroom needs to be copied and put into the
executive tower at the brewery."

I smiled and said, "Copy away, but bring me your business when you die."

The guy I spoke with came over and said, "You don't know who I am, do you?"

"No, I don't. Does it matter?"

"No, it shouldn't if you build friendships the way you do your clientèle'."

"Good, then I take that as a compliment."

"It was given as one.  That woman that rushed out was my business
partner. My name's Pete. "

"Good to meet you Pete. Care to go downstairs and fold some more
chairs and then we can sit and talk? "

"Sure, but I'll forewarn you now, they've about gotten everything all
done down there."

"Ok, we'll have the big screens and I'm not sure where I'm putting
two. The one is staying in the chapel because it's sound proof and I
can listen to my music in there really loud."

He smiled and said, "You're just an average guy, aren't you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, I was thinking someplace in there was a guy that's really
demented and sick."

"Oh, you're referring to the Funeral Director part of me. Yeah, I'm
average there. I try to give my customers the best bang for their buck
and leave it at that."

"You tell me you run around in here with twenty thousand dollar suits and....."

"Hold up Pete, this suit isn't twenty grand. I know why you think they
are, but I'll tell you I bought about twenty two suits on Monday for
that price ."

"What! Where! You gotta tell me!"

"Oh, there a guy I know that works up in Quincy that cuts the suits
and sews them himself. He is really talented and he's a great guy.
Now, someone like you, I imagine he'd have no problem fitting. He'd
probably have you a custom made suit in three hours.  His price is
around six hundred."

"Oh man, get me his card. My partner is gonna shit. She thinks I
should wear a suit in order to do business. I tell her I don't, but it
doesn't make sense to me to pay as much as a house for a suit."

I gave him Frederique's phone number and said, "We're going up on
Tuesday of next week to get ours, you could go with us and get
fitted."

"I will!"

We walked around and Lonny and Lenny were still putting flowers
together.  When we got near, Lenny said, "Oh hi! We've got the three
thousand done up the wedding people wanted and then, we've got six
hundred dozen of them for the old people in the nursing homes and
we've got all those to do and those out in the back room to do."

Pete smiled and said, "You recycle the flowers?"

"We donate them to churches, old folks homes, and then, I don't know
what else.  Guys, would you mind some help and we'll go ahead and put
them into the  dozens like we are and then, we can take those to the
nursing homes in Quincy.  I don't know how many we'll have left over,
but I bet we can get one nursing home at least over there. At least
those old women will smile."

 "You do it to see them smile?"

"Yeah, if you knew our stories, you'd know smiles mean a lot to us."

He looked at me and said, "You look normal and healthy so what's up?"

Lonny said, "Dude just because someone's normal and healthy don't mean
he ain't had a fucked up life."

"Lon, chill hon, he doesn't know, so don't beat him over the head.
He's a friend and he's trying to become a better friend. How about if
you put it into a warmer tone and tell him where you came from earlier
today and then, maybe he will know."

Lonny looked at him and said, "Man, we just got out of a foster home.
Our parents died and it wasn't until recently Lance could afford to
have us. We haven't even seen our new home yet and I'm sure it's going
to be nice because Lance wants us to be happy more than he made
himself."

"Thank you Lon, that was a whole lot better."

Lenny smiled at me and said, "You never introduced your hot friend."

Pete smirked and I said, "This is my other brother Lenny. He's got
hormones that burn like a house on fire.  He's gay and as you can see,
he's into older guys." I paused and said, "Guys, this is Pete."

"Pete what?" asked Lonny.

"Lonny! Why are you being so pushy?"

"Because if I waited on you to get Lenny laid, We'd be old men by now! "

Pete laughed and said, "Guys, My name is Pete Stein."

"Oh" said Lenny.

"Better try next time." said Lonny.

" Guys, don't you think you owe Pete an apology?"

"Why? We had to find out if he was single?"

"Guys!"

Lonny looked up at me and said, "Pete, he thinks we owe you an
apology, so we're sorry."

"That was the sorriest excuse for an apology I've ever heard." I said,
both embarrassed and upset.

Lon looked at me with a really angry look. "Lon, why don't you and Len
go upstairs and we'll talk about this later."

"If you're going to be pissed, we can talk now!" said Lon.

"Lon, listen to me. Go upstairs and we'll talk later. I don't want to
speak out of anger and it's not best you do so either. We'll discuss
this later when we can do so rationally."

He looked at me and said, "I don't think I'm going to like living here."

"Why? Because you think you can say what you want in front of
customers and I won't let that happen?"

"You're putting others in front of us."

"Lon, that will never happen, but you are putting something that
wasn't called for in front of us and I don't really care to discuss it
now."

"Len, come on. We'll decide if we want to live here anymore."

"Lon, that's not an option. We'll work through this, just don't apply
so much pressure."

I went back over to Pete and said, "I"m sorry. They've been in foster
care for the past six almost seven years. What you just saw happen
wouldn't have happened if they'd had our parents raising them."

Pete smiled and said, "I understand. Why were they in foster care exactly."

"Our parents were killed in a plane crash. Because I was under
eighteen, I couldn't keep them. Then, a busy body aunt of ours chose
to call DFS. Two days after the funeral, before I could get someone
responsible to care for us all, they came in and took them. Until
early this week, I had no clue where they were. Then, today before the
funeral, I got them back. What you're seeing is me dealing with them
even though I don't know them."

"Oh, what are their ages?"

"Lon's fifteen and Len's seventeen. Lon's really outgoing as you can
tell and apparently, he's the one who spoke up for them both. Now,
he's not the little man anymore and I'm guessing he doesn't like it."

Pete smiled and said, "For our family, my brothers and I were really
spread out. My dad had four wives and four groups of kids. My brother
that is left is the oldest. He and I haven't spoken in a long while.
He's nearly sixty. There was another brother between he and I who was
in his forties and passed away from a boating accident. Then, there's
me and I'm forty one. The two youngest and their mother died about
fifteen years ago."

He paused and looked at me. Then continued. "My business partner
doesn't trust another soul. I think she ran out of  here because she
realizes she's got a wife at home that she treats more like a servant
than someone she should be intimate with."

"Me, I was married, but I'll be honest enough to tell you we divorced
after a lot of infidelity on her part. It wasn't ideal, but divorce
was a better option."

"Oh man"

"Yeah, on paper, I'm worth billions of dollars but just now, I'm
starting to get my life back on track. My younger siblings and their
mother dying was really devastating. Now, we've got the company with
me running it and I'm trying to get it taken back to privately owned."

"I understand completely. If something happened between Ty and I, he'd
have to be bought out and it'd be a real mess."

"Why'd you let him buy in?"

"He didn't feel like he was entitled to share anything. Everything was
mine and he wasn't committing to the relationship."

"Oh"

"Yeah, so we did it that way.

"Interested in selling beer?"

"No, not really, but there are a few things I think your company could
sell which you've not done."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a history lesson I'm sure you're aware of, but when prohibition
happened, your company as did all brewers had to go into other
markets. Some went into cheese, some went into malts, yeast, and
others went into other forms of liquid beverages as did this company.
I'm sure someplace out there, you've still got the recipe for the
drinks."

"I think we do, I'm not sure where, but I remember seeing the bottles
on the tour."

"You have all that bottling capacity and you've got a company name and
marketing know how that surpasses most brands. What I'd do is I'd go
in and resurrect the drinks and put your name on them."

"What do you mean?"

"Ok, now bear with me because I'm going from old memories, but the
soda pop was the same name as the beer, right?"

"Yeah, but underneath the name was Cherry flavored, Orange flavored,
and Grape flavored.  I think we had Ginger Ale and we also had Root
Beer."

"You also had near beer and ice cream, cheese, and chocolate malt
flavored drinks."

"Oh yeah, what was the name of the Chocolate flavored one? Man, I
should know this because they made it for us every Christmas! Let me
think on this."

"Well, what I'm saying is you've got bottling capacity. You've got
distribution and you've got trucks and dealers that could get them
into stores. What I'd like to see is you getting back into that
market."

"It'd be neat. I think we could got with clear bottles or we could go
with colored plastic that looked like the original glass. One thing I
could do is test it through you guys up here and then, we'd see how it
would go."

"No, you're not getting what I'm saying and then, as soon as I tell
you, you'll shit."

"What?"

"Take a look at your markets you can't break into over in the
countries that won't let you sell alcohol. Take a look at markets here
which won't buy alcohol. Take a look where you'd know a high syrup
drink would sell and aim at those...like the Asian markets and the
Arabic countries. What I'd do is use a label very similar and use the
logo of the Falcon E and you might even do a commercial with the draft
horses pulling out a different wagon to promote it."

"My brewery won't go for that at all, however, they might go for us
pulling the beer wagon in front of a bunch of semis all with different
painting on them."

"One thing you could do is go for the water market too and even low
calorie flavored waters."

"It'd have to be a whole other bottling company. But I think we could
do that as we're planning on closing four breweries and bringing
everything back to the original three."

"I wouldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"Labor costs. If you keep those employees on, you're going to be way
over what your profit will be initially."

"You're correct."

"One other thing and that's cola drinks. Not one of your drinks back
then was a cola flavored one. I'd go with one that was cola but taste
market it so you didn't have one but four to compete with the others.
If you attempt just one, the others will hop on it and taste test the
hell out of them. If you have four, then they're going to attempt it
and everyone will say, 'But hey, that's not the one that even tastes
like yours, that's the one that going after Coke, or Pepsi."

"One thing we're not thinking about here is the cost of shelf space.
To get a product off the ground now, it takes billions in payouts just
to get the shelf space."

"Yeah, you're right, but what you're doing is your missing the boat here."

"What?"

"What's  your war chest look like?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Ok, so I'll guess because I know you've got one. Every company has
one in case they've got a buy out offer."

"Yeah, we have one but that's closely guarded. Not even the board of
directors knows that. I know it, my partner knows it, but no one
else."

"Well, I know you've got one because my first lover's family had one
and they weren't even in this market."

"Who are they?"

"Other side of the state, and probably bigger in the billions than you."

"Really!"

"Yeah"

"Tony wouldn't have happened to be your lover, would he?"

"Yeah"

"Then I know who you are and what happened. My wife was his cousin."

"Which one?"

"Brook."

"Oh man, I can see why you're split up. Nose up so high they invented
the space shuttle to get her oxygen to her."

He laughed and said, "Yeah, she's a snob."

"She's a whole new level of being one of those. Heck, she looks down
on the snobs with that little click she ran around with."

"Yeah, they all married corporate heads and all are split with them."

"Oh man, how you could afford her, I'll never know."

"Let's just say she got out of the marriage what she put into it. Very little."

"How'd you get hooked up with her?"

"It wasn't hard. She is a nice girl when she smiled and turns on the
charm, but as fast as the ring went on, the charm got turned back
off."

"Ok, well let's say your war chest is in the billions of dollars."

"You'd be a little below market on that.  It's in the mid hundreds of billions."

"Ok, so what are your corporate guidelines in regards to the war chest?"

"Man, you know I can't tell you these things!"

"Ok, I know you can spend into it but you've got a set number of years
you have to have it repaid."

"Yeah, you'd be correct. How'd you know this?"

"When Tony's family bought out my stocks in his trust fund, they had
to get into their war chest. I know this because he told me about the
war chest and I knew what they had on hand. His trust fund was in on
the company books as being part of that war chest, so when they had to
give it to me, they had to do a lot of finagling."

"How'd you know what they did?"

"Let's say I had a very good friend that was over there and he had
fingers in more pies than you'd imagine. When they were doing all
this, they were trying to be discrete, but they had to get board
approval. My friend had two people on the board that were reporting to
him all their moves. Over one quarter of their stock was in that trust
fund and they had to liquidate it without making the company's stock
go down."

"Oh man, that'd be a mess."

"Yeah, and what you don't know is I sit on that money and don't spend
it. It's collected and it's accrued and I figure some day, they're
going to need money and I'm going to go in and buy out that company
and sit on it like a mama hen. The only requirement I'll have is they
can not have a family member sitting on the board."

He smiled and said, "They really screwed you over didn't they."

"They killed my parents."

"Oh man!"

"Yeah, I can point the fingers and I can show you how they did it, but
if I told you they actually did it, I'd be telling you something I
couldn't directly prove. IF I ever find out the direct proof, believe
me, there will be heads rolling."

"That'd be hard to prove."

"Yeah, so what I do is I sit and wait patiently and if it doesn't
happen in this life, then I know it wasn't meant to be."

"Why don't you make it happen?"

"If I do that, then I am seen as the aggressor and that'd inflame the
war to restart."

"That's probably true. His dad is a dick."

"You telling me! But, the grandma was where all the venom was in that snake."

"She's gone now, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she died."

He looked at me and said, "They know you did something, but they can't
prove it."

"They could be right, or they could be wrong."

"So, why'd you ask about our war chest?"

"Ok, here's why. You're going to wonder where I've come up with ideas
to spend your money, but trust me on this."

"Ok"

"You remember Boston Market restaurants, don't you?"

"Yeah, they're still around, I believe."

"Yeah, but nothing like what they used to be after they imploded. What
I'm thinking of is stand alone restaurants that's like those which you
could have in parking lots of Wal-Mart stores everywhere. "

"Ok, but why?"

"For the same cost you'd pay for shelf space in all those Wal-Marts,
you could guarantee yourself prime shelf space in all those stores.
Now, what I'd do if  you want is we could go in together and do those,
but what I'd want for my investment is a guarantee you'd not just try
the soft drink market and then pull out or sell out."

"I don't know if I could do that. It'd be up to my partner too."

"Well, I'd like to know because in on my desk is the money request
from Tony's trust fund. What I've been thinking about doing is
splitting it up five ways and making my brothers and Gregg's three
kids some trust funds. Rather than doing that, what I'll do is I'll
invest with you if you'd like and we could go in with the soft drink
part of it."

"What I could do if you'd like is I could get my partner to allow you
to license the soft drinks from us."

"No, because licensing won't get me your marketing and licensing won't
get me the use of your distribution network. I'd get that if we were
partners."

"Let me bring this up with my partner. I don't think she's going to
want to do it as she wants to tap out the global beer sales."

"And then what? Because once you get it tapped, you're tapped and
you've told me you've got corporate responsibility to your share
holders."

"That, we do, but that's a huge investment. Are you sure you have that
much money?"

"You know as well as I do what I've got. I'm not running around
telling everyone what I've got and once I do, then Ty's going to
wonder why the hell I'm singing the blues about money. He knows I
refuse to touch Tony's money, but I'll do it for this. My personal
thought is you should look into it for looking at the future of your
beer sales."

"How?"

"You put those soft drinks out there in the same bottles, albeit
plastic bottles that are identical to you beer bottles, and you get a
market that when they get the feel of a bottle in their hand, they're
going to expect that same feel for when they get drinking age.

Where you'll have a leg up on your competition is you'll have a ready
made market in all those store fronts. Not only that, but it gets your
company diversified into something that's not alcohol related.
Personally, people can stop by any number of fast food restaurants on
this planet, but here in the states, we're looking for places where we
can stop by and pick up something to feed a whole family that's not
fried PepsiCo products like Long John Silvers or KFC. Their food is
fried and not exactly something that you can reheat in the microwave.
If there's something like rotisserie chicken, or some other already
cooked and reheatable en tree's that can be bought through a drive
thru window, then you've got a market that will wonder why no one else
has thought of it."

"Oh man, I'm seeing what you're saying."

"Yeah, and here's the other side of that. In fast food, you're going
to never get that market share of having someone drinking your
products from their fountains, but in this that's all they'll have a
choice."

"What do you think about pricing of it?"

"For which? The food? Or, the drinks?"

"Well, let's discuss both."

"For food, I'd make it so it's inexpensive enough that the option
isn't an option. If you have John Q out there thinking he can either
stop at Wal-Mart and pick something up for the family, or he can go to
this restaurant, then you want it so it's less than twenty dollars to
feed a family. I mean, he can go to Domino's for fifteen and get three
pizzas."

"Ok, so everything less than fifteen?"

"Let's hit a price of ten and then by the time we get done driving it
up, it'll be there You know how everyone's going to drive it up."

"Ok, ten dollar cap. That will make John Q's thought of going to get
that super king sized meal at the burger joints, or he can spend a
couple dollars more and get a good meal."

"Yeah, now, here's the other side of the coin, you ready?"

"Ok"

"Have gallon jugs...not milk jugs, but a jug that's it's own reusable
jug that can be filled under a fountain head. Then, sell that gallon
for like a buck fifty. That way John Q when they have the option of
going to Wal-Mart for the latest canned 12 pack of sodas for five
bucks, or he can go get the same for a buck fifty out on the parking
lot."

"Oh man, that'd have people pulling in just for that."

"Yeah, but it'll also have people walking in and sitting in too."

"You're in there, that's awesome, but those restaurants are going to
be expensive."

"Nope, that's the part of it you're going to love."

"Why?"

"I figure there's manufactured homes out there that are selling for
eighty grand. We can talk to those places and get a restaurant turn
key for that price. Maybe a hundred and fifty for the equipment and
everything, but I'd be willing to bet we're not going to be far off.
Now, you think of those and you think that two thousand of them will
be about three hundred million."

"A whole helluva lot of change."

"Yeah, but that's about what I've got in there laying on my desk."

"Wow!"

"Yeah, give or take a couple hundred million."

He looked at me and said, "Give, or take?"

"My paperwork in there says I'm at five hundred and seventy."

"Oh, you sure you don't want to buy into the brewery?"

"Nope, not unless you're doing something different. Right now, I'm
making money off your brewery about ten times a year sitting here
without investing."

He looked at me and said, "Oh man, you didn't just say that."

"Why the hell not? It's true."

"I don't like to think about that side of our business."

"Dude, you've got all sides of a business. You've got the side that
over indulges and believe me, our rotisserie chicken is going to have
some stupid ass out there that's going to just over indulge in it.
They'll sit and eat those things every day and one day, they'll not be
able to fit through the door, so they'll wheel up to the drive thru
until their ass is so fat they can't waddle over to get their billfold
out of their back pocket, then they'll die of that heart attack and
roll off the edge of the parking lot where I'll have to come get him.
Now, believe me, you want to invest in something, then invest in a
casket manufacturer. People are dying to get into those every day."

He chuckled and said, "You handle it with a smile, don't you!"

"Yeah, because the options if I think about it are too depressing."

"You are aware we're planning on a different setup on our
distributions, don't you?"

"No, what do you mean?"

"Wendy and I were in discussions about having that center up in Quincy
be a regional distribution center."

"No, no one's made them aware of it. How much is that going to cost?"

"Seventy million altogether, but what she's bringing to the table is
the investment she has and the brewery is matching. That's why I can
front the trucks to them without worrying."

"So, her twenty million investment and the other five and another ten
gets their share paid?"

"Yeah"

"Ok, how much of a region they getting?"

"What they'll get from that investment is seventeen states.  Montana,
Louisiana, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa,
Michigan, Minnesota, North and South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas,
Wisconsin, and Missouri. We were in discussions about giving the
Denver distributor six of those states so he'd sign on.  What we want
is everyone to see the investment as something they'll want to do.
Without incentive, that investment isn't enough to put them over the
top."

"Oh man, they had no clue, but Ty and I will front the money to Mitch
if he doesn't have enough."

"She left him that bad off!"

"Let's just say the boys got over seventy and she left Mitch with
around ten. Hell, she left her boyfriend with a bigger portion than
Mitch!"

"What!"

"Which part are you surprised about?"

"Run this by me again, when did she have time for a boyfriend?"

"Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays all afternoon long is when she was
going to lunch and getting desert at the Motel 6 here in town."

"When would she be done because I was getting phone calls at 3:30 on
those days."

"Be happy she didn't sink her hooks then because she had that
distributor in Quincy on the line somewhere in there too."

"Oh man. I sure never knew that! Mitch has to be so disappointed in her."

"Mitch was planning on leaving her when Ty graduated college. You
might not know it, but their marriage was done."

"I sure didn't know it. I'm guessing she wasn't telling me these
things due to the morals clause in her contract."

"Probably not, but until Monday, Mitch wasn't aware he was in
partnership with that guy in Quincy."

"Oh man!"

"Yeah, that kind of got sprung on him."

"If I was him, I'd been so pissed."

"No, he took it with a grain of salt. He was worried more about what
the boys thought of him than he was for himself."

"Oh man."

"Yeah, the way she hid money from him and the boys was they had an
agreement she wouldn't bring home anything more than what he did
plumbing. She had it down to the penny. Everything else got socked
away into an account someplace."

"That had to be quite a bit."

"Yeah, we're still unsure because she had twelve million in an
account, and then another four hundred thousand in an account and
somewhere in there, she came up with twenty million for the Quincy
center up there. I'm not sure what else there is."

"She was planning on buying into a distribution center in Fon Du Lac.
I'm not sure if she got that done, or not, but I do know she was in
talks. Let me do some checking there. It might be still open and if
so, I'll tell that family you guys are still interested."

"What's up with that purchase? She wasn't screwing someone up there
too, was she?"

"No, the distributor up there passed away and the family's interested
in selling."

"The whole thing?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, how much was it?"

"It's a smaller one, so I'd say it was around ten million."

"Ok, Now, I've got another question and that's about Kirksville."

"Oh the infamous little town on our roles."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Kirksville's like a thorn for us. It sells enough it should be it's
own center, but it's too close to everything to not be. We've got a
center in Ottumwa which it could be a part of, but because it's closer
to Wendy, she was servicing it."

"Ok, Is there a way we can spin it off separately and keep it in the family?"

"Yeah, you can always do that. You've got a section that's basicly
I-70 North and 63 East, so what's in that area is yours."

"Where's that line fall?"

"The line falls at Wentzville. Columbia is in Columbia's area, but
anything north of that city limits is Wendy's, or I should say Mitch's
now."

"Ok, So Kirksville, Macon, and Moberly are able to be serviced by a
new one then."

"Yeah, that'd be the smart way to go. Moberly is a growing town again,
but Macon is for all intents and purposes a dry town."

"By ordinance?"

"No, those people over there just don't drink. Not enough of a German
influence when it was founded, I would say."

"Well, that's probably why there's only one funeral home that's
snatching all the business."

He smiled and said, "You really don't like this business, do you?"

"I can't help but hate it. Between alcohol related deaths and poor
highway design, I'd be out of business if both of those weren't a
factor."

"Tell me about poor highway design."

"Oh man, what do you want to know? I can definitely tell you which
intersections to be careful of that's for sure, but there's whole
stretches here which are death traps. They're fixing that by making it
four lane, but "Tax Man" Carnahan's promises of the early nineties
really stung a lot of people. The man got that pulled off when he was
running for Governor and then switched all the promised highway
spending for that tax over to building the prisons. If we'd gotten all
the highways promised, Missouri would be in the top five in the
nation, instead we're still at the bottom three. Because of that, my
funeral home thrives."

"You don't sound too thrilled there."

"I could show you an intersection not ten miles away that there's a
huge ditch next to it, not for rain water, but to catch cars so they
don't go cartwheeling out across a field. There's another intersection
not four miles away from that they built a huge pile of dirt so the
emergency personnel wouldn't have to go hunting through the woods for
bodies. It's a whole lot easier to pull them from that pile of dirt."

"Gross."

"Yeah, but look down there at the city at that intersection by Six
Flags. How many people have to die there a year for it to be
redesigned? Because I'll tell you now, the body count there a year is
horrendous."

"My step mother and my sister died at that intersection. I was asked
not long ago to go speak to those in Jefferson City about redesigning
it."

"I'd say! It's close to fifty a year at that one off ramp."

"Yeah, but what's bad in the city is shootings."

"Yeah, drug related deaths. It's just now trickling up here. What
you've got up here is a no man's land of interstates leading in and
three cities, St. Louis, Kansas City, and Chicagoland gangs all
pulling their meth from here. What you've also got is counties here
that can't afford but one cop on at night or on the weekends and some
towns not even having police, so everyone in those gangs are heading
here. Last year, the funeral home down the street had twelve drug
related funerals. "

"And people want to condemn booze."

"No, people aren't condemning booze. What they're condemning is the
"Jack and Jill" effect. Where one is, the other is. It's not your
fault, but I'll tell you now is you went in and saw the number of Malt
Liquor bottles used as bongs, you'd be amazed and if you saw the
number of metal bottle caps that got used for freebasing, you'd be
amazed."

"What!"

"Yeah, perfect little cook 'em up pan. All you have to do is grab it
with your hemostats and a Bic lighter and you're shootin' up dude. Who
needs a spoon when they've got your bottles laying around?"

"Oh man, if we went to all plastic caps, that'd stop that wouldn't it!"

"No, look at it as advertising. While someone's frying their brain,
you're getting advertising!"

"Dude, don't tell me that shit."

"You might not want to hear it, but those are the realities. I could
tell you things for all sorts of things, but don't get down on
yourself over it."

"Well, we were talking about metal caps on the way up here and phasing
them out. I was wanting to hold onto them because of the machinery
cost. Now, I'll tell them to go ahead and switch over."

"Whatever serves your purpose. The other guys aren't going to stop."

"Oh yeah they will! As soon as I get on the phone with them and tell
them that tidbit of information, they'll all be going over to plastic.
Sometimes all they need is a nudge."

"Well, anytime they want to know the truth, tell them to go ask a cop.
He can take them to the crime scenes and you'll see shit that will
amaze you."

"Like what?"

"Aluminum cans being used for all sorts of things. If I were you, I'd
go to all plastic packaging. Get rid of the separation of aluminum
cans and bottles. Go to one identifiable package and shrink wrap the
packaging rather than going for all that cardboard."

"If I did that, the environmentalists would all be on my ass like you
wouldn't believe."

"Tell them to stay away from the trees because you've got people
wanting to wrap their cars around them. They'll back off."

"Oh man, that was cynical."

"Man,  you just attended a funeral where your distributor did it
herself. Yeah, she ran that car off a cliff first, but where she ended
up was at a tree."

"Oh man, I never thought of that."

"Yeah, but it's not really your fault. If you really got concerned,
you'd sell those packages in packages of four at the most. Instead,
you're selling party packs to John Q so he can get that babe you're
showing in the commercials."

"We don't show women in commercials anymore."

"No, but if you'd thought about it, you could. You could have women
sitting around and talking about how booze makes their love lives
better. Imagine the scene, four skanky old broads that have teeth
missing and look like death warmed over. Then, have the guys sitting
there throwing the beers back and showing guys looking at them like
they're awful and then later show the guys walking out with them.
Sales jump by forty percent because it give us all hope we'll get laid
tonight."

"Oh man, that's funny."

"No what'd be funny is to take an off take of those damned frogs and
showing some really skanky frogs with their frogs on their backs."

"Oh that's funny!"

"Yeah, you want to hear another because all you'd have to do for free
advertising is to go to a college fraternity party instead of paying
all those millions of dollars. Where they show some Clydesdales
playing football, have them drunk and missing that kick and staggering
all over the field."

He smiled and said, "Oh man, that's good too. But we couldn't use it.
Our draft horses are too close."

"Ok, so let's see. You want another commercial. Have a doctor in a lab
coat come out holding the other guy's bottle and announcing, "Your
horse has diabetes." And then holding up your bottle and saying, "But
this here is good beer!"

He laughed real loud and said, "Oh man, that's a Super Bowl commercial."

"No, what I'd do is I'd not advertise then and put up a blank black
screen saying, "This is our Super Bowl add. This is what you'll see
when they slam that coffin door if you over indulge." Then open it and
show a really lively party going on. Then have the announcer saying,
"Stay the life of the party, don't drink and drive."

"From My Keyboard To Your Heart",
Retta

RettaMichaels@Gmail.com
Copyright Notice - Copyright (c) 2008 by RettaMichaels
The author, RettaMichaels copyrights this story and retains all
rights. This work may not be edited, changed, or duplicated in any
form, media [ known or unknown ], without the author's expressed
permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. RettaMichaels does
NOT give editorial consent in order for this to be published. If it is
deemed unpublishable in it's context, permission much be granted
before publication or changes occur.
"From My Keyboard To Your
Heart","'Retta","RettaMichaels"."Retta","Rhett", and "Rhette" are all
trademarks of RettaVonnMichaels LLC. None of these trademarks may be
used, or authorized without consent.

Disclaimer: All individuals depicted are fictional, and any
resemblance to real persons, locations, or incidents is purely
coincidental.

Here is a list of stories I've written and where to find them:
With Love - Nifty - Beginnings Section
Rural Love - DeweyWriter.com
Write Me A Love Story - DeweyWriter.com
To Love Him - DeweyWriter.com
Military Zone - Nifty - Military Section
Evan - Nifty - Beginnings Section
Jordan - Nifty - Beginnings Section
Can You Catch My Heart
Buckets of Blessings
Chains of Love (Completed & Coming April 2008)
Dead Air (Completed & Coming Soon!)
Prayers of Thanks (Completed & Coming Soon!)
With This Ring (Coming Soon!)
Tree Trim Man (Coming Soon!)
All On http://www.DeweyWriter.com or http://www.Nifty.org