Message-ID: <060309Z19061995@anon.penet.fi>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
From: an151170@anon.penet.fi (...Mercury....)
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sex.stories
Organization: Anonymous forwarding service
Reply-To: an151170@anon.penet.fi
Date: Mon, 19 Jun 1995 05:58:08 UTC
Subject: Coming Out (M/b, coming out)
Lines: 158
z Another erotic story extracted from the vast library of
z
z ... /\/\ e r c u r y ...
z
z I'm Very Hot...Always Behind Venus...And In Constant Motion !
z
z Notes :
z
z 1. I did not write this story and do not know who did.
z 2. Are you a biW/A m/f 18-24 looking for friends? Hmm? Write.
z 3. VOTE in the next election and run the Un-Christian Coalition out!
z 4. ENJOY life while you can, because you're going to DIE!
z
Coming Out in Love
by Steve Rider
This file may be posted on Electronic Bulletin Boards for
download, but may not be modified, printed for distribution,
or used for any commercial purpose without the author's written
permission.
Copyright (c) 1992 Stephen A. Rider, all rights reserved.
About a year ago I was living in Worcester Massachusetts and
operating my bulletin board there. On my board I had a Match
Maker door and I had always hoped that someday a gay person would
use it instead of all the "straights" that seemed to dominate the
thing.
From time to time I would enter the door myself and list all the
other users hoping against hope to see just one other gay person who
listed themselves. Then one day last summer a user entered the door
and described himself as "Bisexual". In looking at his description
I saw that he stated he was "Under 18". I remember thinking at the
time that this was probably a joke, but I sent this user a message
telling him how unusual it seemed to me to see someone his age who
chose to describe himself as bisexual. I also described myself to
him as a gay man.
Now this particular door allowed users to select a handle different
than the one they used on the bulletin board itself, so it tended to
give people a sense of anonymity. With that bit of privacy in mind
this young caller immediately showed a great interest in exchanging
messages with me, he was full of questions. Initially he was very
suspicious, perhaps thinking I intended to "Gay bash" him, but as time
went on I finally assured him that I was a real honest-to-goodness
gay person and I was willing to discuss gay related issues with him.
Since I was 43 years old at the time, and he was seventeen, I guess
I was sort of a wealth of knowledge for this young man. Day by day
the number and length of the messages we exchanged began to increase.
It seemed our electronic conversations were becoming very important
to him.
This was all taking place in Massachusetts remember, a state with
a reputation for liberal social policies, but one with a long history
of Puritanical influence as well. He was a senior in a high school
that he described to me as being very "Redneck". He was just
beginning to come out to himself about his sexuality. He was
intensely interested in everything I had to say about being gay.
Before long I began to feel I was spending too much time typing
and I suggested to him that I might give him my voice number so we
could speak directly to each other. He was very hesitant to say the
least. A week or so later he did ask for my number and he told me
not to be surprised if he called me and then hung up when I answered.
This happened a few times too, but eventually we did speak on the
phone. He still knew me only by the handle I was using on the board
and he seemed to prefer to keep it that way. Sometimes we would talk
for hours.
Part of what was going on in my mind I guess was remembering how
miserable my life had been as a seventeen year old gay youth. I
wanted to reassure him, I wanted to help him to feel at ease about
himself. I kept telling him that it did not matter if he was
bisexual, gay or straight - that this had no bearing on his worth and
dignity as a person. Soon we were forming a very unusual kind of a
friendship. I would come home from work and wait anxiously for him
to call. I really enjoyed talking to this young man. He was so
sincere and honest and full of a hunger to know and understand.
Early on he would ask me some questions that I'm sure would
embarass him today. Did I "look gay"? Did I walk like other people?
He was really full of a lot of fears.
He had mentioned to me that he worked in a record store. He would
tell me about guys who came into his store that he thought were
attractive. He told me about crushes he had on some of his friends
and classmates. Then one day he told me he was not bisexual at all,
that he was gay. I said something like "Yeah, so?" The point I kept
trying to make over and over was that it was OK to be whomever he was.
We would talk about religion, the (Catholic) church. One day I asked
him if he thought that God would make someone he hated ? I asked him
if it was wrong to love someone ? Gradually, bit by bit, he began to
understand.
Then one day he told me his real name. He told me the name of the
record store where he worked. He told me when he would be there. He
invited me to drop by. By the way, his name is Brian.
The night I went to Brian's store I could not understand why I was
so nervous. Looking back now, with the advantage of hindsight, I can
see that we had already forged a relationship of some sort. We had
exchanged descriptions of ourselves over the phone so it was easy for
me to spot him the night I went to his store. I hung around for a while
and watched him wait on his customers, trying to figure out just what
sort of a person he was - apart from being gay. I could see quickly
enough that he really liked people. He was very much at ease helping
customers to find the things they were looking for and he had obvious
skill as a salesman. More than that I could tell that he was a very
likable person, a trustworthy person and I also thought he was very
cute.
Until this time I had still been hiding behind the handle that
Brian knew me by through the BBS. Here I was, the urbane expert on
gay life, the "teacher" for this poor lost young man, and I was not
even "Out" enough to myself to tell him my name. Looking back it
seems pretty pathetic to me now. But seeing Brian that night in his
innocence, so open to life, well it did something to me, something
good. I rushed home and sent him an Email, telling him that I was in
fact the Sysop of the board on which we had "met". Telling him that
from now on he should call me STeve. We talked for hours that night
after he got home from work. It was another stepping stone in the
most unusual relationship I have ever had. I think that was the
night that I fell in love with Brian, but I didn't want him to know
that. After all, I was only a few years younger than his father.
The complicated webs we weave. The paths we set ourselves on.
The doors we open, never knowing what lies ahead. Life can be so
frightfully, awfully unpredictable. I love it.
Brian and I ended up being lovers ever so briefly. Just before I
moved here to California. I was totally, absolutely head over heels
in love with him. Then I just packed my bags and flew to san Jose.
We had agreed to stay in touch with each other. We talked on the
phone every so often. I would send him diskettes with capture
buffers from the great BBSes out here. One night he called my BBS
here in California and sent me a long text file he had prepared in
advance. In it he talked of what a dramatic change I had made in his
life, how he now was so happy. He talked about how amazing it was
that two people with so much difference in age could have clicked the
way that we did. Brian is out now to his whole family, his parents,
his siblings, his friends, the people he works with. So am I.
Somehow we both helped each other across the chasm of fear and
insecurity.
Earlier this month I made a trip back East. I wanted to see him
just one more time. I wanted to hug him for just a second and then
hold him at arms length and just look at that wonderful smile. I
wanted the tears to well up inside me.
Brian did not even return my calls.
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