Date: Sat, 6 Apr 2002 19:53:28 -0500 (EST) From: Josh <josh_wills@excite.com> Subject: Confusion 3 It has been quite a while since I've written anything, but I got an email requesting more, so I thought I'd have a crack at it. Here goes... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Confusion: Part 3 Last time:- ' I'm not just trying to get into your pants you know ' I said with a half angry half confused look on my face. ' Okay, so maybe I'm being a little too forward, but everytime you push me away...well...its confusing. Look, its pretty late and we're both tired. You can have the bed and I'll take the couch here. We'll talk in the morning ' Something was up, and I didn't want to push it. I was hurt, but figured that rather then end up confrontational and risk losing him, I'd let us both sleep on it and talk when we were both fresh. ' I am such an idiot. He's mad at me, and I'm going to lose him if I don't say something quick ' thought Adam. 'God help me..I don't know what to do' ' No...can we talk now for a bit? ' whispered Adam. to be continued. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I turned away. I wasn't sure if talking tonight would be the best thing for the both of us. A lot had transpired and I was both physically and emotionally drained. I was trying to figure out what to say, and I assume he interpreted my silence as a no when he said: "I understand. We'll talk tomorrow." I was about to stand up when he grabbed my arm, "Mark, please believe me when I say I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you." He said this to me almost pleadingly. I was now properly freaked out. When else does anyone say that to you? A million things started running through my head. It was obvious that he had something serious to tell me, something that was going to upset me, make me question his feeling for me. Don't say it -- I over analyse thing, and I'm paranoid. Maybe I am, but what was I to think. Did I really want to know? No, the question wasn't whether I wanted to know it, rather it was whether I wanted to know it now? I was truly knackered and in spite of everything I probably would have fallen straight to sleep the moment my head hit the pillow, but the wave of emotions that were drowning me since the revelation of his love for me, him pushing me away from him, and now impending ominous confession...I needed to know. Lost in thought I was completely oblivious to Adam, "Mark...Mark..." He kept on repeating while gently stroking my arm. "Adam," I shifted my gaze to his eyes, " I...I..." What was wrong with me? I'd become such an emotional wimp. I was so afraid of losing him that I couldn't bear to hear him out. Adam pulled me into his arms and cradled me. Feeling his arms around me was so reassuring. I felt a sense of security wash me and he wrapped his arms around my body. "I love you, I love you," he kept on repeating this to me. Repetitive, yes, but the soft lulling of his voice was so comforting that I soon fell asleep. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- You're probably thinking that there's going to be a dream sequence here now, I thought about it, but decided against it. Dream interpretation isn't one of my forte's and I'd hate for it to be interpreted in some warped fashion. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The feeling I had when I woke up was...strange to say the least. I think I slept well, but there was of course this strange air of dread which I couldn't shake. I was slightly disoriented for a moment. If you recall, I didn't quite make it to my bed and so was obviously perplexed as to how I managed to work my way back to my bed, disrobe my self, and dress myself in my sleeping attire. As unbelievable as it sounds it took me a moment to realise that there was someone behind me. I jumped a little on to realise that it was Adam. I must say it is a beautiful feeling waking up being spooned by such a beautiful man. My shuffling in the bed woke him up. His slowly opened his eyes. "Good Morning sweetheart," he said, his voice slightly raspy. He blinked several time, and then smiled at me. He looked absolutely magnificent. His blue eyes sparkled as the sun rays bounced of his face. His dishevelled hair looked oddly in place, very bed head, and of course the sight of his bare chest was enough to rouse the dead. I returned the smile, but then it hit me. The `I have something to tell you' thing of last night. My smile dropped and I must have had a look of complete anxiety on my face as Adam smile almost fell and was replaced by a rather crestfallen expression. His eyebrows were strangely arched, his eyes strained, and his lips slightly pursed. There was a strange silence, but neither of us knew what to say. As in films, both of us were just about to say something, but each realising this, we both stopped. Silence again. Then the simultaneous attempts to say something, and again the simultaneous stopping. This went of for a while, and eventually we both broke into fits of laughter. Eventually I offered to make some breakfast and before he could respond scuttled down to the kitchen. Best talk on a full stomach I thought. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To be continued That wasn't altogether deliberate. I do know what I want to happen, just that I haven't quite refined it yet. And it's late! Next one will be out soon, promise. Hope you enjoyed this one -- don't say it. Not much happened, it's short, and nothing happened. It's meant to set the scene, you know, give you a feel of whats going on in his head. Email me with whatever, comments, suggestions, insults (tons of grammatical errors, I hate proof reading, besides you're all clever people, you know what it's meant to be anyways.) Josh x Josh_wills@excite.com Don't be shy!