Date: Thu, 29 Nov 2001 19:53:39 +0000
From: Jeffrey Fletcher <jeffyrks@hotmail.com>
Subject: Countrymen Part 6

This story contains descriptions of consenting sex between adult gay men.
If such stories are illegal where you live, or distasteful to you please
surf elsewhere.  Otherwise I hope you enjoy.  All characters are ficticious,
  and if there is such a company as Arbroath and Co,  that is purely by
chance,  and no way intended.  All comments etc are gratefully received and
replied to.  Email me at jeffyrks@hotmail.com


This section of the story introduces Tom,  and I am confronted with a
problem.  Tom is a Yorkshire man,  who has spent all his working life on a
farm, and speaks with a strong Yorkshire accent.  My problem is how far to
introduce these Yorkshire  mannerisms into the dialogue.  Tom drops some of
his aitches,  and occasionally puts aitches  where none should be.  For
example,  a horse would be pronounced orse;  but sometimes an operation
would become a hoperation.  But one of the most interesting characteristics
of those who speak with a strong Yorkshire accent is sometimes to reduce
'the' to just 't' before the noun.  So 'down to the mill' becomes 'down to
t'mill', and 'in the barn' becomes 'in t'barn'.   I hope the proliferation
of apostrophes is not too much of a hazard to smooth reading.  I have also
occasionally retained 'ee' for you,  a relic that still occassionally
appears in northern England speech for thee.   I think those of my readers
unacquainted with the idiosyncrasies of spoken English accents will soon get
the hang of what is being said.  In previous parts I have introduced some
Yorkshire dialect where possible  i.e.  goosegob for gooseberry, and clarty
for muddy.   It would be a shame if these dialect words were lost,  too many
have disappeared already.  If this is all too much let me know  and I will
cut it out or reduce it in the main Tom section.


Resume:-  Phil,  a retired man in his 60s  met Colin a farmer in his 40s.
They  began a close sexual friendship.  Colin is a member of a gay group
calling themselves The Countrymen.  Colin is wanting Phil to become a
member.  He has already met Kevin in his 20s and the youngest member of the
group.  They enjoyed a threesome.  Kevin has also visited Phil and told him
some of his story.


The Countrymen Part 6.

It was Thursday afternoon that I made my way out to Loftend again.  It was a
warm day and there was an increased feel of spring in the air.  Daffodils
were providing their splashes of bright yellow in some of the gardens in
town.  Loftend was in the hills and higher than the town where I lived, so
the daffodils were still in bud.  But there was a warm feel in the air,
with the promise of better days to come.

I drove into the farmyard,  and round to my usual place, which was hidden
from the prying eyes of passers by.   When I got out of the car,  an  older
man came towards me.  I realised that it was almost certainly Tom,  who I
knew was one of the Countrymen,  and did some work for Colin.

We approached each other.  "Tom?" I asked.

"Aye.  And you must be Phil."

The  man I shook hands with was considerably shorter than me.  I reckoned he
was about 5foot 4inches in height.   He was thin, but there was a sense that
he was strong and muscular.  His face was a weather beaten brown.  The
result of working outside for most of his life.  He had a shock of white
hair.  I was immediately conscious of the sparcity of my thatch.  But what
stood out were his eyes,  which were a bright piercing blue.  There seemed
to be a wealth of experience and humour behind them.

"Colin told me to welcome you.  He's had to go into the bank and do one or
two other things.  He'll back as soon as he can get.  So I've got to
entertain you."  He grinned broadly.  "A cup of tea?"

"A good idea."

We made our way back into the house,  and he filled the water jug and began
to make a pot of tea.

"When are you going to join us Countrymen?"

"Whenever you will have me."

"Colin,  and now young Kev,  'ave been saying what fun they've 'ad with
you."

I remembered what Colin had said about Tom.  That he had the biggest cock of
all the Countrymen.  My eyes must have looked down at his groin.

Tom burst into laughter.  "I know what you're looking for.  Colin must have
told 'ee.  You're wanting to see if  I've actually got the biggest cock of
'em all.  Let's 'av our tea,  and then I might show 'ee."

We both laughed,  and both our hands went to our cocks to make some slight
adjustments.  We stood in the kitchen drinking our cups of tea.

"I gather we are about the same age,"  I said.

"I'm 66."

"I'm 65 My birthday is in July."

"Mine is in January.  Damn!  That means I'm still the oldest."

"But I'm sure the wisest."

"I doubt that.  Not with educated chaps like our Vic around.   July you
said?"

I nodded.

"Then we must make you a member  as a birthday present.  It would give us a
date to work to.  Vic's the difficult one.  Need to get  date in 'is diary
about six months before."

"I gather you're married?" I said.

"Aye, for many years.  Three kids.  I'm a grandfather six times over.   Our
Colin tells us you was married."

"Yes.  For about  twenty odd years.  My wife left me when the kids left
home."

"Did she find out you was gay?"

"Yes.  I told her.  But I think she felt all along that there was something
wrong with the marriage.  She just told me she was leaving.  That marriage
had not given her all she wanted.  We didn't fall out with a big row or
anything.  In many ways we parted quite amicably.  Does your wife know you
like men?"

"No.  Though I sometimes thinks she guesses.  As you probably know I've
liked men all along.  I'll tell you how I came to get married sometime.  But
she did not want any more children,  and didn't really like the sex part, so
I just stopped fucking her after the third kid were born.  I stuck with her.
  There were the kids to bring up. She's a good woman, good cook,  good with
the money,  keeps house good.  Doesn't ask too many questions.  I sometime
thinks she might guess what I do.  But she never asks.  I can have my fun as
always,  so where's the harm?"

"So you've had gay sex since you were a youngster?"

"Yes.   Never stopped.  And there are many married men who prefer it with
another man.  Many 'ave given up 'aving it with their missus'.   I think
only men know how to give pleasure to another cock.  But I'm no expert on
women in sex."  This was said with a laugh.  "That's what a lot of married
men say."

"Yes.  I've heard that as well."

"And Colin's first sex was with you, I gather?"

"Yes.  I watched 'im growing up.  I'm not really into youngsters,  but there
were something about him.  He's always been a sexy devil.  'is Mum would be
'orrified to hear that.  She were an old battleaxe in many ways.  'is Dad
were great."

"I gather it took place in the barn?"

"Yes,  in t'hay loft.  It were a day I'll remember for the rest of my life.
It was important for both of us.  We 'ad a bit of a special relationship
before,  but that day sealed us together.  His special to me.  I am closer
to 'im than I am to my sons,  and I think I'm special to him."

"He's never shown me where it all took place," I said.

"Come on then.  I'll show you."

We put our empty cups down in the sink,  and Tom led the way over to a gate.
   When we got to the gate we looked over into a small area between two
buildings with a some fencing,  and another gate the far side.  "This is
where t'bull was always put to t'cow.   I were standing over there by
t'fence,  and our Colin was looking over the gate.  He could just look over
the top of it in them days.  Though thinking about it,  I think 'e may have
been standing up on t'bottom rail of the gate.  Watching a bull screw a cow
always made me horny.  Always got a 'ard on.  I looked at our Colin,  and I
thought I could see a bulge in 'is trousers.  Sure enough, when his father
led t'bull away,  he got down from t'gate,   and 'e started getting 'is
prick comfortable.  I 'ad to do the same.  So I walked over to 'im.  'Got a
'ard on then, Colin,' I asked.  Cor you should have seen 'im.   He went
bright red.  Like a beetroot.  'Its nothing to be ashamed of.  I'm the
same.'  I stuck out my crotch so as he could see the bugle of my cock.  He
looked shocked,  and then grinned at me.  'I always likes to toss myself off
after bull has served t'cow.   Like to join me?'    He looked even more
shocked,  adjusted 'is cock again,  and nodded.   'What about Dad?' he
asked.  So I said, 'He always goes into the farm office to enter the details
of which cow, when and where.  Paper work!  I know somewhere he rarely goes,
  and we'd hear 'im if he came into t'barn."

Tom looked at me and grinned.  He then led the way over to a door in one of
the farm buildings,  opened it and went in.

"I led the way.  Shut the door firmly.  Put a bit of wood so as it would
make a noise being forced open."

Tom led the way up a steep ladder to the hayloft above.   It was quite
large,  and ran the length of the barn.

"It were like it is now.  Some hay for t'beasts.  I led over to far end,  to
give us more warning if 'is Dad came looking for us."

We walked over to the far end.

"When we got to about here,  I unzipped myself and got my cock out,  like
this."   As I watched, Tom unzipped himself,  and pulled out his cock.  Even
in it half hard state, I could see it was a big one.  His long uncircumcised
cock hung like a piece of hose.  There was a full foreskin,  that was just
beginning to reveal the head.  It is not a articulately thick cock,  but it
certainly is long.

"Go on.  Get your'un out.  Our Colin says you've got a good un."

I felt like a naughty schoolboy as I unzipped myself and pulled out my fully
hardened cock.  As I watched, Tom's cock hardened and grew even longer.

"I see you're cut.   That's make two cut and three uncut," said Tom.

"So Vic's cut then."

Tom took the one step necessary to get before me,  his hand was immediately
on my cock.  I took hold of his monster.  I immediately began to wonder what
it would be like to be penetrated by it.  I was glad the not inconsiderable,
  but yet smaller cocks of Colin and Kevin, had blazed that way.

"I ain't got no french letters on me today,  so we cannot have a good fuck.
But never mind. We can still enjoy ourselves."

He knelt down on the floor in front of me,  and began to lick my cock,  and
when he had lubricated it to his satisfaction he put it into  his mouth.
His lips formed a soft ring round my penis as he moved his head up an down.
The amount of friction was just right,  tight but not too tight.  It was
most enjoyable.  Before I came I pulled him up onto his feet,  and we
kissed.   Then I knelt in front of him and managed to take as much as I
could of his monster into my mouth.

"That's good Phil.  We must certainly make you one of the countrymen.   Our
Kev said you gave a good blow job."

He undid his belt and loosened his trousers.   I got my hand in and felt his
balls.  To my surprise they were quite small,  certainly when compared with
his cock.  I fondled them,  thinking again of the wide variety of cocks and
balls that you find.  He purred appreciatively.

"That's great, Phil.  Anytime."

I continued,  enjoying giving pleasure to Tom.   Then there was the sound of
the door being forced open down below.  I stopped sucking.

Colin's voice came up,  "Are you two at it up there?"

"Come on up," called Tom.

I tried to stop,  feeling embarrassed at the prospect of Colin finding me
servicing Tom.  But when I tried to move,  Tom's hand held me firmly in
place.  "'E won't mind," whispered Tom.

I heard Colin climb the ladder,  but could not see him come up and join us.

"My word!  You two don't waste anytime.  My back is turned for a couple of
minutes and you're both at it, like a couple of randy rabbits.  But carry on
enjoy yourselves."    He undid his trousers and got his cock out,  and came
and stood next to me.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Tom get hold
of Colin's prick.

"And how is this old friend of mine today," said Tom as he began to wank
away at Colin.  "You've found a treasure here.  He's as great as you said.
'Is birthday's in July,  I think full membership of t'Countrymen would make
a suitable birthday present.  What do you think?"

"Good idea.  We'll fix it."

I tried to stop and join in the conversation, but Tom's hands held me firm.
"Just you carry on mate.  I'm really enjoying this."

I too was enjoying it.  Tom began to leak copious quantities of precum,  and
it tasted good.  Then Colin gave me a slight push.  "Now let me have a go.
Its been over a week since Tom and I have got together.  That's a very long
time for both of us."

I stood up,  and Tom promptly got hold of my cock and started tossing me
off.  Colin got on his knees and continued work on Tom.  This went on for
several minutes,  and then Colin looked up at us both.  "And who is going to
fuck who?"

Tom and I looked at each other.  Neither of us had any condoms on us.

Colin must have seen that we were not equipped by the look on our faces.
"You're a couple of silly buggers coming up here without the necessary.  It
wouldn't have been like that if young Kevin had been with us."   He paused.
Then with a broad grin reached into his pocket and brought out a handful of
condoms and lube packets.  "When I found you weren't in the house, I popped
upstairs and got the necessary. Lucky I did."

"'Is a good lad, our Colin.  Thinks of everything," said Tom.

"Yea.  I'm more than just a pretty face," replied Colin.    He stuck his
tongue out at Tom. "But seriously,  who's going to fuck who?"

"Let's have a Phil sandwich," suggested Tom.

"Good idea," responded Colin.

"What does that involve?" I asked.

"I'll fuck you,  and you can fuck our Colin. We'll do it standing here.
You'll be in the middle."

"Does it work?" I asked.

"Sometimes better than others," replied Colin.  "You'll have to stand as
still as you can.  Tom and I'll have to get synchronised. He must push the
same time as I push back on to you.  Then the same time we both move out.
If we don't get it synchronised  you get pushed one way and then the other,
and cocks'll slip out."

"It sounds as though I'm going to be some sort of gear box," I said.

"Yea,  you're going to 'ave my gear in you." said Tom

" And you, Tom," said Colin, "will need to get something to stand on, else
your cock will be between Phil's knees."

"Cheeky bugger!  I'm not that small."   But Tom bent down and removed his
trousers which we round his feet by this time.  Then in just his shirt,  and
with his cock sticking out proudly in front,  he disappeared down the
ladder.

Colin and I both removed our trousers to give us more freedom to move.  It
was not quite warm enough to remove what we were wearing on our tops.  Soon
Tom came back up the ladder carrying a small seed box and some pieces of
wood.  He made me stand by them,  and then worked out what was necessary to
make him stand at the right height.  We then got ourselves ready.  Tom put a
condom on his cock and lubricated it.  Colin prepared his arse for my prick.
  I put on a condom,  and then began to prepare my bum for Tom's huge tool.
Colin then lubed my cock.

"All kitted up and greased?" asked Colin.  "You first Tom."

I bent slightly forward,  and felt Tom's cock against my puckered portal.
He pushed,  and I relaxed and tried to push out.  He was soon in,  and
without much pain.  My bum was getting used to being penetrated again.  Very
slowly,  with the experience of many years Tom began to push in.  He clasped
my hips and pulled.

"That's about reached my liver."

"There's a lot lot more of it is go,"  said Tom,  as his cock continued to
enter.

"I think it is beginning to tickle my tonsils."

"Just about there."   I felt Tom's pubes against my bum,  and his prickly
hair.  "Docking complete, Colin."

I stood up as straight as I could.  Colin backed up to me,  and reached
round to hold my cock.  When he had got it positioned as he wanted it,  he
pushed back,  and I felt it go  in.

"It feels back home," I said.

"Now for the difficult part," said Colin.

It took several goes before they got synchronised.  Tom's cock slipped out
once and mine out of Colin a couple of times.  There was much laughter at
each failure.  Eventually I discovered just how still I had to stand, as the
other two got their movements synchronised.

We must have made an amusing sight,  if there had been any one to watch.
The three of us, with shirts and pullovers on our tops and nothing on below.
  Perhaps it looked like some primitive war dance, or pagan fertility rite.
I cannot say it was my greatest sexual experience.  I am not particularly
eager to try it again.  But I suppose there are ways of learning from a
slightly negative experience as well as from the positive.

I came first,  and soon afterwards Tom.   Colin seemed to have missed out
again.  As we broke apart I told him,  "I'll make it up to you later."

We got ourselves sorted, and stood chatting for a moment or two.

Tom looked at his watch.   "I must be going,  Jenny will be expecting me,
and I'll need a shower when I get in."

He gave Colin a farewell hug and kiss.   Then he turned to me.  "I look
forward to you joining us proper like.  And getting to know you."

"Do you ever come into York alone," I asked.

"Not very often;  why."

"When you next come in, come and look me up.  Like Kev did on Monday."

"Good idea," said Colin.  "I know,  I'll have to find a reason to send you
into town, so that you'll be able to call on Phil for some refreshment."

"Okay, then boss.  All sorts of refreshment sounds good," said Tom, rubbing
his crotch.  "Till then."  he gave me a kiss and hug and went down the
ladder.

I turned to Colin,  "So this was where it first happened for you?"

"This hay loft has a special place in my story.  Not just that first time.
There were many times up until Mum died.  Then we had the warmth and comfort
of the house."

Colin and I then followed Tom down the ladder  taking the debris of our
activity away with us.

We walked over to the house.  As we walked across,  Colin caught hold of my
hand.  That simple act meant a lot to me.

I squeezed his hand, and said, "Thank you."

"What for?"

"Just that.  Holding my hand."

We stopped half way across and gave each other a kiss.  "Be damned if anyone
sees," said Colin.

"Especially your aunt!"

"Aye.  Especially my aunt."

We went into the house.  First, we had a shower.  We soaped each other,  and
just enjoyed our closeness.  I offered Tom some further attention but he
declined,  saying that he wanted to save it all until later.  We dried each
other,  and went down to get the meal.  I now knew my way around and was
able to be a positive help.  Soon we were sitting down at the kitchen table
eating our food.

We had the usual review of the day and events since we had last been
together.

"I look forward to getting to know Tom better."

"Yea.  I'll send him into town from time to time.  I don't know why I hadn't
thought of letting him do some of those sorts of errands before.  The fact I
sent him will not worry Jenny."

"What she like?"

"Good sort.   Hard working. Excellent Mum to their bairns.  Devoted to them,
  and now to the grandbairns.  Tom is looked after and finds his sexual
fulfilment elsewhere.  She doesn't want it, it seems.  Tom gives her
security."

"All very convenient for them both."

"It wasn't like that for you and your wife then?"

"No."

"Did you have a lot of gay fun before you was wed?   You told Kev and me
about your school days."

"Well!   In those far off days we had to do National Service.  I opted for
the army."

"So did Tom.  He had to do it.  You must have been in the army about the
same time."

"I more or less went straight from school into army for my National Service.
  Two years it was at that stage.  The Korean War had made it longer.
Immediately after the war National Service was just for a year,  and then
eighteen months, and finally two years."

"Tom is full of stories about what he got up to in the army.  You'll soon be
hearing them all."

"Sex goings on?" I asked.

"Yea.  What did you get up to?"

"Nothing in that line. For one thing I was scared stiff of getting caught.
I knew it was a serious matter.  Dishonourable discharge and all that.
Also, I got a commission,  so as an officer as well, I had to be doubly
careful.   Saw some nice looking guys.  Several times some nice looking guys
taking showers.  But just didn't dare risk it.  I put the 'no go' notices
up."

"Did you find that difficult?"

"Yes and no.    Yes,  in the sense that I missed having it off with a nice
guy.  But no, in the sense that being an officer life was very different,
and so incredibly busy.  I did however meet up with John Ducat each time I
was home on leave."

"Didn't he have to do National Service?"

"No. For some medical reason or another he was exempt.  He got a job up in
London,  and got his own place away from his home.  Often when I got a short
weekend leave I'd stay with him rather than go home.  We used to spend most
of the time in bed.  Sleeping and sex,  I needed a great deal of both.  This
went on for the first eighteen months of my army days,  and then he was
offered a  job by the company he worked for over in Canada.  Big thing to
get in those days.  So off he went.  We corresponded for a while,  and then
drifted apart.  Don't know where he is now."

"So what did you do after National Service.  Go to University?"

"No I hadn't done well enough at school for that.  Like many of my school
associates I got a job in the city."

Colin looked mystified so I explained.  "Sorry,  a 'job in the city' is
southern speak for working in the City of London,  usually in something to
do with money."

"What? In a bank or something?"

"Bank, or insurance, or the legal side to do with both."

"But to get back to what we were talking about.  Were you still wanting men
after the army.  Did you have any other guys?" asked Colin.

"No none until well after I got married."

"Did you not want it then?"

"Yes,  I think I did want it.  But having gone without it for a while and
living a different sort of life, a working life,  it was all very different.
  I was not sure about how or where to go about it.  Remember it was still
illegal in those days.  The police operated agents provocateurs, so cruising
was dangerous.  There weren't any gay pubs and clubs like there are now.  At
least I did not know of any.  But I knew that if I was sexually attracted at
all it was really to men."

"So why exactly did you get wed then?"

"A good question!  I have thought about it a lot over the years.  Variety of
reasons.  When I stopped having it off with John Ducat I had to manage on my
own.  I tossed myself off a lot,  but  I did begin to wonder if all that
school activity, and with John, was not just a passing phase.  I thought I
might be growing out of it.  Remember it was all pre Wolfendon days. Gay sex
was still very illegal,  you could go to prison for it and all that.  Then
all my friends seemed to be getting married.  After the army I seemed to be
going to a wedding almost every month.  Friends began to ask me when I was
going to get married.  Once a guy finds a woman he becomes a match maker.
These friends were always trying to introduce me to one of their wife's girl
friends who would suit me.  They'd ask me round for a meal, and there would
be this unattached friend of the wife there.  My parents were obviously
hoping.  My Mum, like yours,  wanted to have grandchildren."

I looked at Colin.  "I think things were that bit different when I was in my
twenties and when you were.  As  they are different again for young Kevin.
In my young days is was rare for a man not to marry.  In your time it was
just unusual.  Today it is quite common to find men who are not married.  It
is quite acceptable for a straight man to be unmarried."

I paused for a moment.  "Then I met Sue."

"How did you meet her?"

"At a party organised by one of those friends. Sue and I were introduced.
Things were still done proper like in those days.  We talked,  and obviously
had a lot in common.  We both worked in the financial sector.  We both liked
serious walking.  Travel on the continent was just opening up after the war
years.  I had been walking on a couple of holidays in France and Italy.
She'd been to Switzerland once,  but had done a lot in the Lakes and
Scotland.  I hadn't been to Scotland but had done quite a bit in the Lakes
and Wales.  Then a couple of weeks later we were both at another party.  We
almost greeted each other like old friends.  Relief I think that there was
somebody we knew apart from the hosts.  One of us,  I forget who made a
tentative suggestion about going for a walk in Epping Forest.  And that's
what happened."

"A friendship based on walking boots?"   said Colin, and we both laughed.

"We had a great day walking from Chingford station to Connaught Waters  and
on to High Beech and then over to Loughton.   We got on well together.  So
we fixed up to do it again.  Then we started going to the cinema or to the
theatre together.  Soon we were being invited  to parties as a couple.  We
were recognised as a couple.  We did get on well.  So ten months after first
meeting we were engaged.  Looking back on that,  I think we more or less
drifted into it."

"Do you regret it?"

"You're asking some difficult question tonight, Colin.  I must give a yes
and no answer.  Yes,  if I'd known myself then as I know myself now,  then
I'd certainly not have got married.    I say that for my own sake,  but also
for Sue's sake.  Marrying a gay man did not make life easy for her.  But
there is a no also to your question.  I cannot regret being the father of
children.  They are a great joy to me,  and now of course,  there are the
grand kids.  Sometimes I feel guilty that I have had the best of both
worlds."

"I don't think you can say that.  You had to work it all out in yourself.
And as you say there is your wife.  There is an element of feeling guilty
about the suffering that you've put her through."

"That's true.  There are very few gay men that have not suffered in some way
or another through being gay.  It may be like Kevin at school.  Vic's been
through a heck of a lot."

"He's now the one I haven't met."

"Yea.  He'll tell you his own story I am sure, if you ask.  But my suffering
has been slight compared with those two.  But it was there in having to keep
the truth about myself hidden from my parents,  and dealing with the
pressures to get married.   I think of all the Countrymen Tom, strangely
enough, has suffered least."

"Yet he's married."

"True.   But Tom is such a positive guy.  He's never felt guilty about his
sexuality.  Never felt guilty about going with men, even in the sexually
active days in his marriage.  It is all a natural fact of life for him.  Yet
he's not a shallow superficial man.  There is a lot of sound common sense in
Tom.  Not education.  He's not like you or Vic in that respect.  But there
is a sort of wisdom in Tom."

"I felt that just meeting him today.  You were very lucky to have him
around."

"He's been many roles in my life, - friend, - counsellor, - father figure, -
teacher,  as well as lover."

"It is very rare to find a gay man who has not guilt or self pity lurking
around some where in their make up.  Especially in older men.  One of the
good things of the present is that there is less of it for the youngsters.
It is more acceptable to be gay."

"Unless you are caught up with some form of hard line religion?" saaid
Colin.

"Don't mention that to me."

"Before we start discussing that interesting area,  let's get back to your
marriage.   How soon did you begin to regret it?"

"I think fairly soon.  Within  the first two or three years.  I realised
that getting married had not dealt with my desires for gay sex.  They were
still there.  The novelty of sex with a woman was strong during those early
years."

"Did you have any sex before you were married?  I hope you don't mind me
asking these very personal questions."

"No.  Not at all."   I reached across the kitchen table and squeezed his
hand.  "You're my friend.  I want nothing to hide from you.  Ask away.  Some
of your questions are making me think.  That is always good for one.  My
little grey cells could do with some exercise!  But to get back to your
question.  No our first real sex was on our honeymoon.  Went up to the
Lakes.   We had gone some way towards having sex during our engagement.  I
got to feel her breasts.  I took her hand and made her hold my cock.  She
was very reluctant about it the first time.  She actually tossed me off
once."

"And you enjoyed it?" asked Colin.

"Yes, I did.  I enjoyed her breasts.  Just touching them and kissing them.
But she did not know really how to deal with my cock."

"So how do rate your married sex life?"

"Quite good to begin with.  I think we both enjoyed it.  It was all
absolutely straight sex.  Usually missionary position, only occasionally
some other position.  I think she was a bit uncertain about the morality of
doing it other ways."

"Was she a church goer?"

"No,  she was not.  Though her parents were, and had a very strict and
narrow view on sexual matters.  I think that had rubbed off on her,  and
that was the reason we didn't get very far before we were married."

"Did she ever give you a blow job, for example?"

"No way.  I once raised the subject,  and she was absolutely horrified.
'How revolting!  Do people really do that?  I could never do it.'  So the
subject was closed."

"When did you begin to realise the gay side of you was still around?"

"After  a year or so.  I found an old gay book tucked away among my things.
I glanced at it,  then started  reading it,  and my prick hardened,  and I
began to wonder.  Looking back at it,  the book was very mild stuff compared
with what is around today.  Then I found myself looking over guys again,
like I used to before I was married.  I should think by the time both
children had arrived I was pretty certain that I preferred gay sex.  Though
it was sometime later that I started being active again."

"And she never knew?"

I hung my head for a moment,  before looking Colin in the face.  "I am
afraid I think I told you a lie when we first met.  I think I told you that
she never knew.  I am sorry.  Yes,  she knew.  I told her."

"You told her?"

"Yea, I told her.  About a year before our daughter, our youngest offspring,
left home to go to University, Sue told me that she thought the marriage was
not working,  and that when Melanie left home, she was going to leave me."

"Did it come as a shock?"

"I was surprised.  I didn't think she'd got that far in her thinking.  But
deep down I knew she was right,  and I was glad.  I would be free."

"So did you tell her there and then?"

"No.  Our separation was very amicable.  Legally we are still just living
apart.  She has never asked me for a divorce,  and I have never asked her
for one.  We were very civilised.  Originally we decided that I would buy
out her half of the house,  and divide things equitably between us.  She had
been going out to work and had got some money,  I had some too.  We agreed
to go halves between us.  The financial side was the easy part.  It was a
little more difficult over the goods and chattels.  You know, this table,
that picture,  and of course, the photographs.  They were really hard to
divide.  We both wanted the same ones.  But then just before we did the
paper work, I was moved in my job.  Up to Nottingham.  So we did it the
other way round,  she kept the house,  and I bought a smaller place in
Nottingham. "

"So when did you tell her?"

"It was about three weeks before the final break.  We were sitting having
coffee in the kitchen.  We had been clearing out things,  and it had been an
amicable session.  Sue suddenly said,  'I have long thought there was
something wrong with our marriage.  In some ways we got on well.  I suppose
we have been good friends.  But in another way I feel I have never got to
know you.  Often,  from quite early on,  especially when we were having sex
you seemed to be absent.  You seemed to be elsewhere.  I wondered where was
the real you.'  I was silent for quite a while.  'Do you want to know the
reason why?' I said.   She looked up at me quite sharply, 'You know a
reason?'  'Yes, I know the reason.  I'm gay1  I'm a homosexual!'   The word
gay was being used by then.  'You're what?' she said in surprise.  Then she
thought for a moment,  before saying very softly, 'Thank you for telling me.
  That makes a lot of difference.  For years I have blamed myself and felt
guilty about our marriage.  Your telling me makes me realise it was not all
my fault.'   'No Sue, in no way is it your fault,  it is my fault.'    We
then talked it all over,  and reviewed our marriage in the light of that
information.  She asked me when I knew,  and I told her the story.  All of
it,  school days,  National Service and John Ducat.  How when we'd got
married I'd thought and hoped it had been just a passing phase.  A teenage
thing that so many boys went through,  and how that for me it seemed
different,  it had not gone away.   I told her the whole story,  much as I
am telling you.  I didn't go into the details, like I expect you'll want me
to."   I said that with a grin.

"Are there some sordid details coming?"

"Yes, if you want them."

"Then get on with the story, man.  What was her reaction?"

"She said, 'Phil, it must have been very hard for you.  Why didn't you tell
me before?'  'Sue dear, it is not easy to tell your wife that you'd prefer
sex with another man rather than with her.  I think we are doing the right
thing.'   She put down her coffee cup on the table,  and came round and put
her arms round me. 'Thank you for telling me.  Thank you for the kids,  and
thank you for all the good times,  there have been many of them.'   I
started crying,  and we stood there hugging each other.  I realised just how
much she had suffered because of my sexuality.  I still bear that, Colin."

I began to weep again with the memory of that day,  and the pain I'd caused
Sue through those years. Colin came round the table and put his arms round
me.

"Thank you for telling me.  I am sorry if my questions,  my poking my nose
in, has hurt you.  I wouldn't have asked if I'd known."

I put an  arm round him.  "I'm glad I've told you.  It is an important part
of my story,  of my past.  I'm glad you know. That's what friends are for."

I sat at the table my head in my hands and the tears running down my face.
Colin was kneeling at my side,  his arms round me.  Eventually the tears
ceased to flow,  and  I took that deep shuddering breath that so often marks
the end of tears.   He kissed my neck.   "Coffee?"

"Yes, please."  He got up and went across the kitchen to make some coffee.

When the coffee was made we adjourned to the sitting room,  and sat down on
the settee close together.

"Sorry I probed," said Colin.

"I am glad you did.  You now know the truth.  You know too there is still
some guilt there, about what I did to Sue."

"Do you ever see her?"

"Oh yes,  from time to time.  Family parties, grandchildren's naming
parties,  in place of the old christening, you know.  We exchange Christmas
cards."

"Does she ask about your sex life"

With I laugh I said, "No."

"Has she had any affairs, do you know?"

"I  think from what Melanie said to me once that there has been at least one
other guy with whom she had more than a platonic friendship."

"Can I continue the grand inquisition?"

"Yes, fire away.  I don't think there is anything you would ask that I
wouldn't want to tell you.  I don't have a criminal record.  I have never
been inside."

"Except in the closet!" interjected Colin quickly, and we both laughed.

"Oh I was once had up for speeding, years ago!"

"How terrible,  I don't know that we can continue our friendship then!"  We
laughed again,  and then had a good hug and exchanged kisses.

"You asked about sexual activity after getting married.  Well, I discovered
that gay book and read it.  I got a real hard on.  It was an important
moment when I realised I was still attracted to men,  the story I read
turned me on.  I put it away in the bottom of the box of things where it had
been for years.  But I found myself going back to read a bit of it from time
to time.  I then starting tossing myself off while I read.   I felt guilty
about that.  I felt that I was depriving Sue of something that was
rightfully hers.  I began to realise that if ever the temptation came I
would find it difficult to say no."

"So did you go out looking for it?  Cottaging.  Or going to gay bars etc?
There must have been some by then,  certainly in London."

"No,  I didn't go looking for it.  It came to me."

"How?"

"It, or rather he, came to me at the office.  As I have told you I worked in
the City.  In one of those new tower blocks that were beginning to go up.
As I have said I was in a merchant bank. It was quite big.  Several hundred
employed,  lots of departments.  I worked in a particular office with four
other guys.  In those days they were a staid respectable lot.  It was all
dark suits and neatly rolled umbrellas."

"No!   You in that gear!"

"Yes, it was like a uniform."  We laughed.  "Then a new guy started working
in another department.  There was something about him,  the first time I saw
him."

"Tall,  slim,  muscular, blond, a real tasty hunk?"

"No not at all.  He was short.  Probably just a little taller than Tom.
Slim yes, dark hair, that was always untidy.  He wore quite thick glasses,
which he kept pushing back up his nose.  His nose was large,  and ears
stuck out from the sides of his head.   He was certainly no oil painting."

"So what was special about him?"

"His smile.  I was dealing with some matter,  and I wanted to know who was
dealing with a particular firm's business in that department.  The guy who
had done it for donkey's years, had just retired.  So I went into the room,
and asked aloud, "Who's now dealing with Arbroath and Co's affairs.  This
guy turned round  and with a smile said,  "I believe I am.  Can I help?"  It
was the smile.  It transformed his face.  His weak eyes,  rather long nose,
suddenly brightened with his smile.  I thought, he looks a good chap.  He
wasn't able to much help, and I had to do a lot of work finding out things
his predecessor would have had at his finger tips.  I suppose about once a
week on average,  he'd come to me about something,  or I'd to go to him.  It
was a purely business relationship."

"What was his name?"

"Steve."  I paused.  "Then something rather silly happened."  I felt
slightly embarrassed even telling Colin.

He must have detected my hesitation.  "And?  What happened?"

"We were both in the gent's toilet.  Standing next to each other at the
urinal.  There were no others there.  We both tried to get a glimpse of each
other's cock.  At the same time both realised the other was doing it as
well.   Steve leaned across and whispered,  "Just like dirty little
schoolboys trying to find out who's got the biggest one."

"I'll bring a ruler along next time," I said,  and we both laughed.   "It
became a sort of standing joke between us.  One would say,  'Have you
brought the ruler?'   or 'I've forgotten that ruler again.'  All very silly
really."

"Not at all,  private jokes are a part of life,  and part of a
relationship."

"We then really started to getting to know each other.  Most days we would
sit together for our midday meal.  There was an office canteen.  We would
talk about all sorts of things.  I soon found out he was not married.  He
knew I was.  We'd talk about work,  holidays,  politics,  almost anything.
Then we started going out for a pub lunch about once a week.  It cost more,
but we could talk more freely,  certainly about some of the old fogies in
the office."

"Did you think he was gay?"

"I did wonder once or twice,  but at that stage I just wasn't interested in
him in that way.  There didn't seem to be any sexual magnetism about him."

"So you were able to build up quite a friendship then?"

"Yes, it was a good foundation for what followed."

"And what did follow?" asked Colin.

"The next stage started in the middle of a Thursday afternoon when one of
the great white chiefs, one of the directors, came down with some important
rush job.  Arbroath and Co it was again.  He said that he was afraid it was
going to take us until into the early evening,  but it was essential to get
things into the post that night.  No faxes even then.  Not that it would
have made much difference, the paper work still had to be done. The great
white chief said that his secretary would do the typing and he naturally had
to stay to sign the documents before posting.  This meant Steve and I
getting together.  I rang Sue to tell her to expect me when she saw me.  We
had to find out a lot of information.  In those days it was not all on
computer,  and the question of pressing the right keys and all the
information there just as you wanted it.  It was files and masses of paper.
Sometimes we had to sit together,  often we were doing separate jobs.  I
remember once when we were having to sit close together feeling the warmth
of his leg against mine,  and just for  moment thinking that feels nice.
But I was too busy to dwell on the thought.  Then the office began to empty,
as the other guys went off home.  There was a certain amount of running up
and down stairs with pieces of paper as we slowly got the work done.  The
boss's secretary was kept busy at her typewriter. I remember once I had to
reach for a piece of paper in front of him,  and to steady myself I put my
arm round his shoulder,  we looked at each other and grinned.  About 7.30pm
we were done and there were the final papers to take up.  To make sure that
we were indeed through with the job we both went up to the great white
chief's office. While his secretary typed it out and he read through it for
a final time.  He offered us a glass of sherry.  Steve and I thought we had
deserved it.  At that hour there was no porter to take the post,  only the
night-watchmen and a few cleaners around.  The secretary asked, 'Do you want
me to take it to the post?'  'No, you've done enough and its late.  I'll
take it round to the sorting office.'   Then Steve speaks up,  'I've got to
go that way on my way home,  I'll take it if you like.'  This was accepted.
We all trooped down to the mailing room,  where it was weighed,  and put in
the franking machine.  For some reason or other I said to Steve,  'I'll walk
round with you, its not far out of my way.'   So we did just that."

"No sordid sex in the empty office then?" said Colin.

"No!  You're  just a dirty minded man with your tongue hanging out for the
hot bits."

"Not my tongue.  Another part of my anatomy maybe."  We laughed.  "Get on
with your story."

"When we had posted it.  Steve suggested a drink.  I accepted and we went
into the nearest pub.  It was still early evening and the place was nearly
empty. We took our drinks to a table in a corner and sat down.  We chatted
about the work we had just done.  I asked him where he lived.  'I live
alone,  in a rather grotty attic.  Not far from here'  He asked me what it
was like living out in a London suburb.  I told him about Walthamstow where
we were then living.  It was strange in some ways,  it was one of those
small tables.  Our legs kept touching.  To begin with it was not deliberate
for either of us,  because we had both pulled away when the other's leg had
touched.  Then I realised that had stopped, and  our legs remained touching.
  I have often tried to remember exactly what happened next,  and who did
what and when.  There were those delightful slight movements,  deliberate
now, with our legs.  Then our hands touched,  and they remained touching.
Steve with a finger lightly stroked my hand.  We looked at each other,  and
that wonderful grin spread slowly across his face.  It was a moment of
truth.  We both knew, though neither of us said anything.  We just looked at
each other.  He gave a slight cough clearing his throat,  'Can you come back
to my place?'   I looked at my watch.  I remembered what I'd said to Sue.
In a rather husky voice I said, Yes.'  We smiled again.  Stood up and
finished our beers, and quickly left the pub.  It was only a ten minute walk
to his place.  We had walked to the sorting office well appart,  the walk to
his place was different.  We really hurried and walked close to each other.
Our arms kept brushing each other."

"You didn't hold hands or anything?"

"Good Lord, no.  No way.  We may have been near the end of the dark ages,
but no way would any two men show affection to each other in public.  He
lived at the top of one of those narrow houses.  His flat  had been
converted out of three servant's bedrooms.  It was a small flat,  very
small.  Tiny bedroom, tiny sitting room, and a bathroom and kitchen half the
size of each of the other two rooms.  He had led the way up the stairs.  The
final flight was very steep and narrow.   I stood on the stairs just below
him as he unlocked his own front door.  He led the way into his sitting
room.  He turned to face me as I followed him.  There was just a moment of
hesitation and then we were in each others arms.  Overcoats were discarded
so we could get closer.  We kissed,  real passionate hungry kisses.  I felt
my old man stiffen.  Soon felt his the same.  He pulled his face away from
me, and we looked into each other's eyes. He had a questioning look on his
face.  I nodded,  and he took me by the arm and led me into his bedroom.  He
  started to take of my jacket, and I did the same to him.  Coats off, then
we whipped our own ties off.  We unbuttoned out own shirts,  and for both of
us our fingers became all fingers and thumbs.  As each garment came off it
we flung it aside in haste.  We stood there bare chested looking at each
other.  I briefly saw a man with almost no body hair,  but still slightly
bronzed from seeing some summer sun.  We again hugged each other,  both
enjoying the warmth of our chests and arms together.   I reached down to
start undoing his trousers, but he took over from me.  So I undid my own and
lowered them to the floor and kicked them to one side.  We stood there just
in our socks and underpants for the briefest of moments.  They were the old
fashioned white underpants that have disappeared with the ark.  Both of us
were showing a bulge where our penises were very erect and pushing the
fabric out.  Then as if by a starter's gun we both bent down at the same
time removing our own and yet both eyes fully on the other."

"And who had the biggest cock?"

"Do you know, we never worked that out.  I think we were much the same.  We
continued to joke about getting a ruler, in the months that followed.  But
we had no time for that sort of thing that evening.  We fell again into each
other arms,  kissing,  hugging, feeling each other's buttocks,  and our
cocks pressed close together.  We couldn't get close to each other enough.
It was a wonderful few minutes.  Then he began to push me towards the bed.
I felt it on the back of my legs.  He kept pushing and I fell backwards on
to the bed, and he was on top.  We somehow got further on to the bed,  with
him still on top.  Our movements together were hurried and passionate.  We
just could not touch each other enough. It was all quite frantic, hands,
feet, legs and arms moving against each other.   We were both thrusting our
cocks at each other.  Suddenly I realised I was fast approaching the point
of no return.  'I'm going to shoot,' I said.  'So am I,' said Steve.  My
cock throbbed and I felt what seemed gallons of spunk pouring out in great
gushes.  As I began to cease Steve reached his peak and I  felt his whole
body stiffen,  and then his cock jerked and it seemed gallons of hot cum
poured out of him.  There seemed masses of it,  it all mixed together with
mine.  I felt it run down my sides onto the bed below me.  We lay there,
panting and exhausted for several minutes.  Slowly we came to.  'That was
something!' said Steve. 'Thank you,  thank you,' I said pulling his head
down for yet another kiss."

"That sounds as though it was something," said Colin.

"It was.  I don't think we'd been in his flat for much more than five
minutes when we both shot our loads.  We lay there with the spunk cooling
and drying on our stomachs.  We just lay there,  exhausted,  deliriously
happy.  It was totally fulfilling.   We did talk a little.   I know I told
him that it was my first time with a man for nearly ten years."

"As long as that.  How did you feel about it?"

"I felt wonderful.  I felt as though I had come home.  I felt as though I
had really discovered myself.  This was what was being true to myself.  I
realised I had always really wanted sex with men."

"Did you feel guilty?"

"Not immediately.  I did sometime afterwards, when I got home.  But it was
so wonderful.  They talk about the earth moving,  I think that for both of
us the earth moved that evening.  We'd done so little.  We'd both come so
quickly, like a couple of inexperienced schoolboys. We hadn't even touched
each others cocks with our hands.   There was no real sex in the sense of a
good blow job,  or some good screwing.  We talked very little and then he
said,  'You'll have to be going.  You've a wife and family to get back to.'
We cleaned ourselves up, got dressed, and I was soon on my way."

"What happened when you got home?"

"The journey back home was a mixture of elation, doubt and guilt.  Those
three emotions swirled around in me.  I felt as I'd never felt before,  I
realised I'd fallen head over heels in love with Steve.  I tried to tell
myself I was stupid.  But there was that in me that wanted to get the train
in the other direction and to go back to him for more.    Then there was
doubt.  His words 'You'll have to be going...a wife and family.'  Was he
wanting to get rid of me?  Had I failed?  Sexually it had been a strange
experience,  more like a couple of school boys than a couple of grown up
men.   Then there was my wife and kids,  what had I done to them.  I loved
my wife, to quite a large degree.  I certainly loved my children.  I knew I
couldn't ever just walk out on them."

I paused before continuing.  "Sue was surprised at how late I was.  But I
explained that we'd had a big last minute job to do."

"Cor!  You certainly had some problems!" said Colin.

"Yes!   What was I to do as a married man with two wonderful children who
had just had sex with another man,  and had fallen in love with him."

Author's note:-  When I started to write this I thought it would consit of 4
parts!   Now I can see that it will gt into double figures.  These
Countrymen are taking over.  Thanks for comments.  Jeff  at
jeffyrks@hotmail.com