Date: Sat, 01 Dec 2001 11:16:04 +0000
From: Ben nobody <ben_sc@hotmail.com>
Subject: David Chapter 4 -Beginnings
This is a true story and it is very close to my heart. It tells
about the one guy that I would use the term "lover" to describe. I am
opening my soul, here and I know that that can be dangerous. As always your
coments are welcome. ben_sc@hotmail.com
David Chapter 4
David and I were scheduled to meet at his apartment again on the
following Wednesday. That morning, David called me and told me that he had
to go shopping with his mother. We talked for awhile and he told me more
about his relationship with Howard and Joey. He got rather emotional and I
finally realized the depth of his pain and his feelings of being
humiliated.
BEN,
I AM SORRY IF I MISLED YOU ABOUT MYSELF, JOEY, & HOWARD.I JUST
FIGURED IF I BURIED IT DEEP INSIDE THAT IT WOULD NOT HURT
ANYMORE. NOT TRUE!!! I DO LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! MORE THAN CAN BE
EXPRESSED IN WORDS! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT
HAPPENS BETWEEN US.
IIII LLLLOOOOVVVVEEEE YYYYOOOOUUUU,
DAVID
Hey Baby,
I'm sitting here putting myself through a personal hell this
afternoon. I am obsessing Very badly and I need to get this all out so I
can gain some kind of control. I need to be with you, but I can't. 20
minutes of holding you would make all of this unnecessary. I have been
thinking over our entire conversation this morning.
While I am so glad that you trust me enough to share with me the
feelings that you had with Howard, I have been driving myself crazy with
questions. Why didn't you tell me how very much you loved him-enough to
leave your wife for him, apparently. You loved him for 8 months and then
you found out that he and your brother were going behind your back.
I hate that it happened. I hate that they hurt you like that. I
weep for your pain, yet if it hadn't happened, I would never have been with
you to love you and feel your love for me. I hope that you can eventually
get over the whole thing.
I am so screwed up with my own self-esteem problems that I ask
myself if Howard were ever available to you again, would you choose him
over me? Even though you were hurt by him, even though you nearly lost your
marriage from it, there must be SOME feelings for him for you to hang on to
the hatred and embrace the pain for all of this time.
And if it wasn't Howard, could it be somebody else? I have no
delusions about myself- my looks, my age. The only way that I can hold onto
you is to love you. Is that the reason I fell so hard and so fast? I saw
right away that you were what I wanted in my life. You are a pearl of great
value, a literal dream come true for me. I feel so inadequate to be with
you. In short, I don't feel that I am good enough for you and I am so
afraid that you will realize it sooner or later. For right now I'm going to
hang on and love you and whatever happens, happens.
I also ask myself why you asked me what my children would say if I
told them about you and our love for one another. I have to be honest with
you. I will always try to be. I have thought about this a lot. A part of
me, a very large part of me, wants nothing more than to leave my wife, my
family, my life and just be with you. I love you and need you so much.
The practical side steps up to me and slaps me in the head and
says, "What are you thinking? Are you out of your mind? How can you give up
everything and hurt so many people and relationships for your own selfish
needs? "I'M NOT WORTH IT!", I say to myself.
Then the scared side of me says. "What if I do it. What if I leave
it all for David and he can't do it for me, or if he does and it all falls
apart, then we both have nothing. What if he becomes unhappy with me or
finds somebody he likes better, a younger or better- looking man? How can I
compete with that?
What about you? Do I really want to be complicating your life this
way. Can I stand to be the cause of deception between you and your wife,
after all you have been through in this area? Do I want to cause her pain
if this relationship moves in a direction that you want to leave her for
me. It happened before and I feel that it could possibly happen again.
I now know that MY marriage was an impulsive mistake. I was
actually in pursuit of a homosexual relationship with a guy from my first
submarine when I met her. I didn't get far with the guy (not even a kiss)
and then I was married 2 months later. Did I love her? Yes, I think so. Was
it the easier, more acceptable course of action for my life? Absolutely!
Do I love her now? Yes, but there is no passion, no need, no desire, no
attraction. It's more like a sister or daughter thing, now.
It's hard to describe, really. In a sense, I ceased being "married"
when the woman I married went wherever she went and left this shell behind.
I am obligated to her. She simply cannot make it without me. She is
totally dependent on me and I resent it. The more she leans on me the more
I want to push her away.
Is that the reason I turned to men? I guess that's partly true.
The rest is that I have always been attracted to men, sexually, and
although there has been great sex between me and my wife, it shames me to
say that there have been fantasies of men going on in my head while I was
having sex with her. There were times when I could not get through it
otherwise. I guess that would make me "gay" wouldn't it?
I have many regrets. I have done things that you would be shocked
by, and perhaps hate me for. The number of men I have been with is
STAGGERING and you probably would think I was exaggerating if I told you. I
am no GQ model but I never had problems finding partners for sex. Some were
nice, others less so. I regret that I didn't meet you three years ago and
that you weren't with me all of this time.
I know now that it was you I was looking for when I was with all of
them. So why are YOU the one? Honestly (don't you hate honesty sometimes?)
you are not the youngest, the best looking, the most endowed, you don't
have the best technique, you're not the most exotic, or the most available.
But where are THEY? They're gone. All of them. Not one of them
cared for me, loved me, allowed me to love them. I didn't compare you to
them to hurt your feelings, but NOBODY is the "be-all-do-all" ultimate man
in every sense.
Let me set the record straight. I REALLY DO find you handsome,
sexy, and VERY attractive. You excite me in ways that I can't begin to
describe. The things you do to me are phenomenal! You sir, are ABSOLUTELY
THE BEST OVERALL MAN I HAVE EVER BEEN WITH. It's you and ONLY you I want,
okay?
You're more than a superficial 2 dimensional cardboard cutout. You
have depth, you have life, you have feeling, you have love, and you give it
to me freely. Now that I know how vulnerable you are and how trusting it
is for you to open your heart to me, I am so deeply touched that I can't
even express myself.
Here's the bottom line: Either I believe you or I don't, either I
trust you or I don't. I have so many things to work out. You said that you
are not jealous. I can't say the same thing for me. I actually resented
your Mom for taking you away from me today. I'm sorry. I have to let you
have your life and be content with the time that I can be with you.
As far as the rest, I think we need to see how things work out. You
said you feel good about us, but I don't really know exactly what that
means.
Do you want a long-term "affair" where we both stay with our wives
and be secret lovers for years to come? Do you envision, at some point in
the future (When my kids are grown? What if YOU have kids by then?) that we
make a break from the past and live with one another? I have all of these
things going through my head, all of the time. Is this just a short-term
romance? Oh, I hope not. I can't imagine being with out you.
All I can do is be thankful for the here and now. To love you and
live in your love. To treasure whatever time we have together, and accept,
graciously, the time we don't. I don't know where it's going, and for a
controlling person like myself, it is absolutely terrifying.
I do know this, I love you, truly, truly more than I have ever
loved another human being. I care what affects your life. I grieve for
your loss and pain, find happiness in your joy, I am in wonder at your
sweetness and generosity, I am confused by my lingering doubts and feelings
that I don't deserve you and so can't believe that this will all last.
Please be patient with me, my love, I'll move with you through this
and try not to push you. I know that there is a lot of turmoil for you
right now as well. I hope with all of my heart that I can be near you on
Friday. I need so badly to hold you and see the love in your eyes when you
kiss me. As you can see, I am a blubbering wreck when I am not with
you. I'm trying really hard to keep "both oars in the water". I can survive
almost anything if I know that you love me, and I do.
I'm sorry for being such a baby,
Ben
MY SWEETNESS,
FIRST OF ALL DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOU GETTING DUMPED FOR ME TO
TAKE HOWARD , WITH ME, YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO
HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AS FAR AS OUR RELATIONSHIP I AM WILLING TO REACH WHATEVER
HEIGHTS YOU WANT TO EXPLORE. I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.
PLEASE DON'T BE BITTER AT MY MOM SHE'S JUST LOVING ME. DON'T
WORRY ABOUT US I'M THERE UNTIL YOU GET TIRED OF ME. YOU HAVE
NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS OF ME IT IS YOU AND ONLY YOU THAT I
WANT.
AS FAR AS ASKING YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR FAMILY I WOULD
NEVER DO THAT, I DON'T GIVE ULTIMATUM'S . IF YOU LEAVE THAT IS
YOUR DECISION!!!!!!!
BUT JUST KNOW THAT I DO LOVE YOU FOR YOU! NOT WHAT YOU LOOK
LIKE OR WHAT COLOR YOUR HAIR IS OR EVEN HOW OLD(young) YOU ARE.
AS FAR AS CHILDREN , IT WOULD HAVE TO BE AN IMMACULATE
CONCEPTION (gift from GOD) FOR US TO HAVE CHILDREN .
I DO LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART , AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU THE
REST OF MY DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE ALWAYS,
DAVID
I called David when I got to school and we talked for a short while"..
Hi Honey,
I'm okay now that I got to talk to you. I just missed you so much
today. Gotta go. I love you!
Ben
You are so good for me. I love you. Have a good night and maybe we can talk
tomorrow.
I really do love you!!
Ben
HI HONEY!
I DO LOVE YOU SO MUCH I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE PAUL REVERE,
"I LOVE BEN"I LOVE BEN" etc.............
LOVE YOU,
DAVID
PS SEE YOU AROUND 8:30 FRIDAY...
I went to David's and brought him a valentines present and a card
that I had designed. It even had original poetry!.
I know your love
I wear it daily, everywhere I go. It fits me to
perfection and is always very flattering on me.
It is perfect for any weather. Your love keeps me
warm in a cold gray world, yet is never too heavy or
cumbersome for the brightest summer day.
It is always fresh and clean and as comfortable as
my favorite jeans, though never tattered or
threadbare. It move with me and is never binding.
Snug but too tight. Your love is wrapped around
me, shielding me from harsh biting winds, and
blinding light. It is insulating and reflects the love I
give to you.
I wear your love proudly, like a shiny new medal or
grand prize blue ribbon (though I'm not sure why I
deserve it). It makes me stand taller, my shoulders a
little straighter. I walk with more confidence and
grace. I am a better person because of your love.
I Love You
Ben
Hey Darlin', I love you!!
I hope you won't be offended by what I am about to say. I noticed today
that you weren't really "into" the sex thing. That's okay. I told you
that things would probably "cool off" in that regard. Sometimes you or I
or both will simply not be in the mood. That's fine. It's normal. It
can't and won't ALWAYS be as hot and passionate as the first time.
Could you please tell me, in a loving way, that you just aren't wanting
to make love, if you are not? I know you are afraid I will freak out and
fly off the handle and send you long, cry-baby messages, and pout and
make you feel guilty. I really need you to be honest and let me know,
okay? I can be with you and not make love with you every time.
We don't always have to have sex when we are together. It isn't as
good if we aren't BOTH ready. I just want to be with you, no matter
what we are doing. I want to do other things together, too. I want to build
memories and interests with you. Let's go shopping, let's go to a
movie, let's go to lunch, let's walk on the beach, let's go horseback riding
(is there any other part of a horse that people normally ride on?),
let's you and me "rastle", let's just relax and have fun, let's be
friends as well as lovers.
I want to listen to you play, to sing with
you (if you can stand listening to me), to hold your hand and listen to
music, or even watch TV, look at pictures with you, draw you or
photograph you, show you some easy ways to do things on your computer,
maybe even (it pains me to say this) run with you (please, oh please,
don't take me more that half-seriously about the last one).
I want to be involved with you-in your life as much as you will allow
me. I don't want our love to be locked up and dark and secret (although
I understand that we need to be discrete). It cheapens it and soils it
and I just can't stand that. Our love is fresh and alive and bright and
shining. It needs to be in the light of day.
I know we can't walk in the mall or down the beach holding hands. I
honestly wouldn't mind, but I know you would be too uncomfortable for
that. I wonder how you would feel about that if we were both free. Do
you think you could ever kiss me in public? I'd love to know your
thoughts on that. I am not at all ashamed of our love I am so proud that you
love
me. On the other hand, (you have different fingers!) I know that we
have to keep it quiet in order to not hurt other people.
I don't want it to just be about sex. I love you too much for that,
and it's just to fragile a thing to last for long with out a lot of
nurturing. I love holding you and kissing you and touching you, but it
doesn't mean that we have to end up in bed. If that's what we BOTH
want, then it's great. It's REALLY great!! We make beautiful and passionate
love together. We move together so well to make each other feel loved
and stimulated. You know my body well and I know yours. When it's
right, it's SOOOO right!
I want to know you, to find out where we are alike and where we
disagree and love each other anyway. I love the way you laugh and tease
me. I love to hear you sing every song that comes on the radio. I want
to learn ALL of your tickle spots as well as help you heal those areas
of pain in your life. I want to find out SOMETHING you are "good at"-there
has to be at least one! I want to fill myself with David. Everything
that you are willing to share. You are so special. I love you so much!
What do you think? I hope I didn't read things the wrong way, because,
if I did, then I just hurt your feelings a whole bunch. I KNOW that you
love me, in spite of my whiny, reactionary, cry-baby,
looking-for-something-wrong-in-everything attitude. I feel your love,
and see it in your eyes. You try to reassure me all the time and I seem
to need more and more. I know you aren't looking for anybody else. I can
feel that you are telling me the truth, and I really do trust you not to
hurt me.
Let's plan to get out and do something on Wednesday and THEN, if we
wind up upstairs in your bed, it will be because we BOTH need and want
to be there, okay?
If you ever need to get in touch with me and I'm not at work, you can
leave me a voice mail there anyway. I check it from home frequently. If
you ever want to meet me somewhere, just leave a voicemail, or email
message and I will be there whenever or where ever you tell me, if it
is possible for me to do. If you need help with anything, or just want to
talk, I'll try very hard to be there for you, I promise.
You are my lover, be my friend, too or I'm afraid that we won't last
until the forever we both seem to desire so badly. We love each other,
and now we need to know each other better so we can like each other more
and more. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
I love you, my baby. More than I can possibly express to you.
Ben
HONEY,
THANK YOU I NEEDED THAT . I WANTED IT I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE IN
THE MOOD . "SORRY" . I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO STAY IN THAT IS WHY
I NEVER ASKED YOU TO GO ANYWHERE . WE CAN DO WHATEVER YOU
LIKE . GOT TO GO FOR NOW .
I LOVE YOU
DAVID
PS: DON'T FORGET DILLARD'S 3:00 IN THE SOCKS . I'LL HAVE ON A PINK DRESS
SHIRT & GRAY PANTS.
DAVID HAS SENT YOU A GREETING CARD!
TO PICK UP YOUR CARD, COPY AND PASTE THE URL INTO
THE ADDRESS BAR ON YOUR BROWSER. MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE ALL THE
CHARACTERS BELOW, OR THE CARD WON'T WORK.
Hey Baby, I love you! Happy Valentine's Day!
You know this mall thing isn't working out very well for us. I was
at Dillards from 2:40 - 3:20 but I didn't see my sweetie, no pink shirt, no
gray pants. Some how I missed you again.
I miss you a lot. The thought that I can't see you until Wednesday
or probably even talk to you until Tuesday is maddening. I wish I could
spend tonight with you in front of the fireplace. I'll bring the fruit and
COOL WHIP (see I did remember!) You bring the quilt.
Do you ever take a day or a weekend for yourself to just get away?
A complete change of pace? I do it about every 6 months or so. The last two
times I spent most of my time cruising and meeting guys. This time I'd love
to spend an entire weekend with you. Maybe I can work it out to coincide
with your training, unless you think you could get away for a weekend
before that without raising questions or causing problems at home.
I guess there is the question of if YOU want to do that. I'd like
to know what you really think about it. It doesn't have to be right away or
anything, just think about it, okay?
About Wednesday, I need you to help me think what we can do. By the
way, I'm not ruling out sex altogether. I adore making love with you. If
that's what you want to do all day, then let's go for it! I just want to
build other things into our relationship as well. As long as I am with you,
that's all that matters to me. I'll see if I can't come up with a couple of
suggestions for you.
I'd love to drive to the beach with you and just walk and talk,
look for shells, whatever. I'd love to hold your hand and kiss you if
nobody was around and you felt comfortable enough about it. I haven't been
to the beach in a very long time.
Maybe we could go downtown and walk around the market. I'm sure you
can find SOMETHING to spend your money on! I don't know. What do you think?
Any suggestions? I'll talk to you about it soon.
Have I told you lately how very much I love you? How special you
are and how great I feel when we're holding each other and you look at me
with your beautiful bedroom eyes. You are the most fantastic kisser and
you make love to me like nobody else ever has. But the thing you do the
best is to love me.
I miss you so much. I'll talk with you as soon as I can. Until
then, keep my heart with you and take good care of it until we can be
together again.
Long, wet, tongue kisses and full-body naked hugs, (you are so hot!)
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
Ben
Hey Baby,
I got this message from a guy in Florence and I told him I would
have to talk to you about meeting him for coffee, etc. whenever he is in
town. I also told him that I didn't want him to wait around for me because
you and I were in love and he would just be wasting his time. I didn't
check my message in time to meet him yesterday. I had printed all of this
up to give you at the mall yesterday but...
Anyway here's the message. I wanted you to know because I always
want to be honest with you. You know how important that is to me.
In-Box
From: Perry
Hey Perry,
Great to hear from you. It's nice to know you still remember me. I do
need to tell you something, though. I have met someone and it's getting
kind of serious. So much so, in fact, that I have promised him I
would not see anybody else. It kind of took me by surprise. I intended to
just have a good time and it's really turned into love. I would like to
keep writing back and forth with you if you aren't too upset with me. Be
happy for me, I sure am.
Later, Ben
HELLO BEN,
I WILL SAY THAT I AM SUPRISED. I AM HAPPY FOR YOU THOUGH. LET ME
SAY I AM NOT UPSET WITH YOU NOR WAS I EVER UPSET. IF ANY THING, I
AM A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED TO KNOW I MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO BE
CLOSE TO YOU INTIMATELY AGAIN. I WOULD ENJOY BEING YOUR FRIEND
AND STAYING IN CONTACT WITH YOU.
I HAVE GROWN TO CARE ABOUT
YOU WHICH YOU MAY FIND A LITTLE SILLY. THE TIMES WITH YOU MADE
ME FEEL SOMETHING I HADN'T FELT IN A VERY LONG TIME. YOU MADE
ME FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO EXPLORE MY INNER PASSIONS. I
WOULD LIKE YOU TO MAKE ME SOME PROMISES IF YOU CAN.
FIRST, STAY IN TOUCH WITH ME OFTEN IF NOTHNG ELSE BUT
SAY HELLO. SECOND, I WOULD STILL LIKE TO SEE YOU WHEN I COME DOWN.
FOR COFFEE OR BREAKFAST. FINALLY, IF FOR SOME UNFORESEEN REASON, THINGS DO
NOT WORK OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIEND, THAT YOU WOULD
CONSIDER ME TO BE THAT PERSON TO HELP FILL THAT VOID IN YOUR
LIFE. I WISH YOU THE BEST AND PLEASE STAY IN TOUCH.
YOURFRIEND, LOVE,
PERRY
PS: I AM COMING TO CHARLESTON THIS FRIDAY(12TH) FOR THE WILDLIFE
EXPEDITION. IF YOU DON'T HAVE PLANS, MAYBE WE CAN HAVE COFFEE
TOGETHER SATURDAY MORNING.
HONEY,
I APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY , IT REALLY DOESN'T BOTHER ME IF YOU
WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM (FRIENDS ONLY!!!) . BUT JUST DON'T
NEGLECT WHAT WE HAVE TOGETHER. I WILL CALL YOU TOMMORROW.
"YOU'RE ALL I NEED MY LOVE, MY VALENTINE".
I LOVE YOU ALWAYS,
DAVID
Hey Baby, I love You!
You don't have to worry about me. I'm not even sure I want to spend
any time with him, because if I have the time I would MUCH rather spend it
with you.
I hope I didn't embarrass you Monday. You kind of were looking at
me like I had grown a third eye or something. Did I look THAT bad?
Another thing. I know that you kid me about stalking you, but I
feel like there is some uneasiness there. Am I bothering you? Do I call and
show up too much? I guess I just need to be near you and need to hear you
more often than you need those things from me. I don't want to drive you
away by being too clingy. I sense that it may be what I am doing. Would you
really tell me if I am driving you crazy, or would you be to concerned
about hurting my feelings?
I need your help in deciding what to do this Wednesday. I am a bit
concerned about my car. I really wanted to walk on the beach with you and
just be alone and talk. But, I don't want to run the risk of my car dying
and being stranded with both of us having to answer a lot of awkward
questions. I would use the other car, but my wife has to go see her shrink,
so she'll have it. If my VA check gets here tomorrow I could even rent a
car so it wouldn't be a problem to go that far.
I could really use some input from you. We could just be alone and
talk just about anywhere. We even talk quite a bit while we make love. Do
you want to pick up a movie and watch it at your place, just sit and listen
to some music? I could bring a movie or CD from home. Go get some lunch?
Spend the whole day in bed making love? Take the dogs for a long walk. I
don't know. I just want to be with you, no matter WHAT we do. As long as I
can be with you, I'm happy.
We can cook (bake?) something. Go to the store and buy some stuff
so you can teach me how you arrange flowers. I could bring the camera and
we could take some photos of WHATEVER. There are so many things we could do
that I am overwhelmed with the possibilities. So you see, I really do need
your help.
Is there something that you need to do and would have to get
somebody else to take you. I can do that, you know. All you have to do is
ask me, okay?
I really wanted to talk to you today, but circumstances prevented
all of that from happening. Maybe I should just keep writing you
"novels". There is so much inside of me that I want to tell you. I just
hope I'm not boring you. Although I know you love me, some times I feel
that we don't have anything to talk about when we are together.
There are, occasionally, long silences on the phone as well. It
really kind of scares me because if we can't even carry on a conversation,
how in the world are we going to keep our relationship going long term? Is
that still what you want? I'm not doubting your love for me, nor am I
doubting that you and I are very sexually compatible. I guess it just takes
time to get to all the rest. Maybe I am just too impatient. I'm just
worried that you might not LIKE me all that much.
I know, I know, here I go again- looking for reassurance. I'm sorry
for being such a pain in the neck. I suppose I need to be content to let
you just decide when we talk, when we meet, when it's okay for me to call,
when I can come by. I'll try to be good, but I miss you so much!
I'm going to go now. I'll wait for you to call me. Please know that
I love you, and that if I had my way, I would always be with you. I'm not
sure you could take that much of me, though.
Call me when you're ready to,
I love you,
Ben
Hey Sweetie,
I'm writing this to you just in case you don't get home in time to
call me before I leave. I know that you have to go to the DMV tomorrow and
that usually takes a long time. I also know that you have only one day off
this week so you may have other things to do. Please don't feel rushed to
get everything done. Do what you need to do. I want to see you very badly,
and IF YOU GET DONE EARLY ENOUGH, I'll come see you Even for a little
while, it's better than nothing. Of course, after you've spent a decade in
line at the DMV you may not be in the best of moods when you get done.
I did check out the hours for the DMV for you. The Leeds Avenue
office is open from 8:30-5 The phone number there is xxx-xxxx. There is an
"express office" at Ashley Landing Mall. It's open from 9:30 -6. I don't
know what services they have there but the phone number is xxx-xxxx. That's
what I was calling you about and why my work number is on you caller
I.D. box. I did try to reach you at work, but you had already gone, sorry.
Anyway, I hope the information helps you out. Maybe it will even
help to get you home and in my arms sooner. Another thing that may help is
you get into two separate lines: One for the tag and the other for your
I.D. Card. Just a thought, and I know you're smart enough that you probably
thought of doing that already.
I PROMISE I won't stalk you at the DMV tomorrow or be waiting for
you when you get home. I'll wait here for your call and then come and be
with you whenever you are ready for me. Please don't bother about fussing
around cleaning up your house before you call me. As particular as you are,
I can't imagine that it gets too bad at any time. You probably don't let
it. Besides that, I NOT THERE TO SEE YOUR HOUSE ANYWAY!
If we have the time, I'd like to bring a movie (No, not that kind!
Unless that's what YOU want!)or some music. What would you like to see?
There is a 70% chance of rain tomorrow. My VA check was $100 less than I
expected, so I won't be able to do the rental car, sorry. Did you have any
suggestions? I'll be happy to hold you, and kiss you, and touch you, and
undress you, and kiss and lick your body everywhere that it feels good to
you, and make sweet, slow beautiful love to you... can you tell that I'm
horny? How 'bout you?
I do love you, my baby. Whatever time I have to be with you will be
cherished and precious to me. It always is. I am complete when I am with
you. You are my love. You are my heart. You are my happiness. You are my
sunshine.
I love you,
Ben
I went to David's the following day (Wednesday) and we had another
wonderful day together.