Date: Sat, 21 Dec 2002 20:18:42 EST
From: Draginacht@aol.com
Subject: Davids Initiation: The Recovery 01

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction and any resemblance to real
people or events is purely coincidental.  The story contains graphic
descriptions of sex between men. Anyone who is forbidden by law to read such
material must stop now.  This story is being posted to the Nifty Archive
solely for the enjoyment of its readers.

*******

David's Initiation: The Recovery 01

*******

Arthur stood beside the bed looking down at the pathetic situation that lay
before him. Dave sobbed continuously and muttered "No," from time to time.
Arthur walked over and sat down on the desk chair to continue his vigil; he
wasn't going to leave the room as long as Dave was awake, or at least, not
asleep. Eventually Dave stopped sobbing and Arthur was sure he was asleep so
he quietly left the room.

Arthur took off his suit coat and draped it over the back of one of the
dining chairs. As he was doing so he heard the sound of a key sliding into
the lock of the front door even though it wasn't locked. Turning his head he
saw an attractive Hispanic looking young man entering the house as though he
belonged there. Arthur quickly deduced the young man would not have a key and
would not be letting himself in if he didn't live there.

"Who are you?" Mike demanded. Looking around the room, he didn't see Dave.
"And where's Dave?" he added to his demand. Mike was on alert, ready for
anything. Getting home and finding a strange, good looking man wearing an
expensive suit and tie standing in the living room was more than just a
little out of the normal.

Arthur began walking toward Mike and extended his hand. "I'm Art Radford. And
you are?"

"Mike Sanchez..." Mike debated whether he should shake the man's hand, he
finally did, "and where's Dave?" Mike demanded again.

Art placed the index finger of his right hand over his pursed lips indicating
Mike should be quiet. "Dave's asleep and..."

"Is he okay, he never goes to bed this early!" Mike said with greater
concern, he knew it was only 10:15 PM, his normal time to get home from work
and Dave usually studied until at least 11:00. Mike walked over to Dave's
bedroom and looked in and saw Dave lying curled up in the fetal position.
Satisfied that Arthur was telling the truth, he turned and walked back to the
living room. "And what are you doing here?"

"I'm an attorney and Dave's my client. Now, before I can answer any other
questions I need to know exactly what your relationship is with Dave." Art
was very direct and forceful which intimidated Mike somewhat. Never the less,
Mike was determined to stand his ground but Art's use of the word
`relationship' triggered an unintended response.

"Look, Dave and I aren't having sex, if that's what you want to know!" Mike
assumed that's what Art meant by the word `relationship'. "Dave's committed
to a guy named Paul and he won't even look at another guy." At that moment
Mike realized that in his zeal to defend his friend he had just told more
than he had ever intended and wished he could take it back. However, those
comments contained a wealth of information that would help Art in his
evaluation of this situation.

Art got a puzzled look on his face and scratched his head for a moment while
he considered the best way to settle Mike down and get control of the
conversation. "Well, Mike, that's not exactly what I meant when I asked about
your relationship. What I really want to know is you are just rooming here or
are you a friend of Dave's? I gather by the way you're protecting him, you
must be a close friend. Am I correct?"

"Yeah, we were roommates in the Army for almost two years. But you still
haven't told me why you are here."

"Could I trouble you for something to drink, please, water, a Coke or
whatever?" Art's throat was beginning to get dry. "Then let's sit down,
Mike, and I'll give tell you as much as I can."

"Sure, have a seat and I'll bring us both something." Mike said, beginning to
soften his tone and act more like a host. "I'll be right back."

Art sat down on the sofa next to his briefcase and waited for Mike to return
with drinks. As Mike went about getting a couple of glasses and filling them
with Coke, he thought about the conversation he had just had and he didn't
like the feeling it gave him. He also began to accept the fact that Art
didn't seem to pose any threat and he'd better lighten up and listen.

"Is Dave okay... really?" Mike asked again as he sat the Cokes on the coffee
table between the sofa and the easy chair.

"I think so, Mike, he's just experienced a serious trauma." Art took a drink,
"Thanks. You already know that Dave was in a relationship and that makes it
easier to explain. Well, not easier, but I think you'll understand. The
reason I'm here..." Art paused, took another drink then started over. "It has
been my unpleasant duty to inform Dave that his... his best friend... his
partner, Paul Roehl..." Art took a deep breath, "...died in an automobile
accident two weeks ago." Art lowered his head hoping Mike wouldn't see the
tears that were forming in his eyes.

"Paul Roehl? You mean Captain Roehl?" Mike was sitting on the edge of the
chair.

"Yes," Art replied without looking up. He reached for the Coke and took
another drink. "Did you know him?"

"Oh, man, you gotta be shittin' me! I just saw him a little over two weeks
ago and you're telling me he's dead?" Mike collapsed back into the
overstuffed easy chair. "I can't fuckin' believe it! You're tellin' me
Capt. Roehl was Dave's partner, lover? Oh, man, there's a lot of shit that's
startin' to make sense." Then Mike's attention shifted to Dave. "Oh, Dave,
oh my god, he must be feeling terrible. What can I do?" Mike said as he stood
up from the chair and turned toward the bedroom door. He wanted to go hold
Dave in his arms and comfort him.

"He's asleep now, Mike, and that's probably the best thing for him. Can you
tell me how you know -- knew -- Capt. Roehl?"

Mike sat back down, realizing there really wasn't anything he could do at the
moment but silently he vowed to be there for Dave when he woke up.

"Okay. Here's the story. About three weeks ago the MPs caught me and another
guy in a... in uh... lets call it a compromising position. After the MPs rele
ased me a bunch of guys beat me up pretty badly. Well, Capt. Roehl helped
me get released from the Army a couple of months early and Dave asked me to
come stay with him for a while until I figure out what I was going to do. I
think the Captain was the legal officer for gay problems. I didn't know about
him and Dave. Now it makes more sense. They worked together to rescue my
sorry ass." Mike looked at the doorway to Dave's bedroom. "I can't believe
this!" he said again. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked as he turned
back and looked at Art.

"Dave may need a lot of help, Mike, and I think the best thing you can do
right now it to be here for him. Give him his space but try to be available
if he needs someone to talk to or needs comforting. I'm not going to leave
until I'm sure he's survived the shock he just absorbed. Say, I need to make
a phone call. Is there another phone besides the one in Dave's bedroom?"

"Yeah, I've got my own phone in my bedroom; you're welcome to use it. Local
or long distance?" Mike was just a little concerned about long distance
charges.

"I'll be using a credit card."

"Okay, right over there." Mike nodded his head in the direction of his
bedroom.

When Art walked into Mike's bedroom he couldn't help notice the striking
difference between the unmade bed, the dirty clothes strewn around the room,
and loose papers all over the desk compared to the very neat and tidy
condition of Dave's room. He removed a pair of Levi's from the chair before
sitting down then picked up the phone and began dialing.

Mike stood just outside the door to his room with the clear intent to eves
drop on Art's conversation. He listened as Art dialed a long string of
numbers, paused, dialed more numbers, paused, then dialed another long string
of numbers.

"It's me, Sir..." (pause) "Yes, Sir..." (pause) "Well, I'm convinced the
situation is as we were told; Dave is for real." (Pause) "I recommend we
proceed according to Paul's wishes." (Pause) "No, Sir, I plan to stay here as
long as I feel I'm needed." (Pause) "Well, Sir, he passed out but I was able
to catch him before he hit the floor. I think he hyperventilated; he should
be okay physically." (Pause) "Yes, the news hit him pretty hard. This is a
shitty job!" (Pause) "Okay, Sir, I'll see you when I get back." (Pause) "Good
bye." Art hung up the phone and sat for a moment, thinking.

Mike hurried back to the easy chair and sat down, hoping to give the
impression he had been there all the time. Actually, he learned almost
nothing from Art's conversation other than he would probably be here for a
while and he was reporting to someone else he called `Sir'. Mike also
learned that Dave had passed out and that bothered him. Again he had the urge
to go into Dave's room and hold him in his arms.

Art walked back into the living room. "Mike, will it be all right if I sleep
on this sofa tonight?"

"Well sure!" Mike couldn't answer fast enough. He knew Art was here to help
Dave and Mike wanted to help Art any way he could. "Say, let me get a sheet
and a blanket. It's not the most comfortable place to sleep but I doubt
you'd want to sleep with me."

"Thanks," Art said with a smile and a chuckle, "the sofa will be fine; it'll
remind me of my college days."

Mike got the sheet and a blanket out of the pantry and helped Art make up the
sofa into a makeshift bed. He showed Art where the bathroom was and then left
to go to bed. It was now past 11:30. Art stripped down to his boxer shorts
and T-shirt, draped his clothes over the dining room chairs, brushed his
teeth, and tried to go to sleep.


"Dave... Dave..."
"Paul? Is that you? Where are you?"
"I'm here, Babe. And you're going to be okay."
"I miss you, Paul."
"I know, Babe. I'm sorry. I miss you too. Remember the first time we met?"
"Yeah. I remember I couldn't believe a guy with a runner's body like yours
was adding so much weight to that bar, even though you were good looking."
"That was dumb, wasn't it!"
"Not as dumb as the look on your face when I caught you looking up the legs
of my shorts; I wished I had a camera."
"See, that's one of the things I liked about you from the start. You knew I
was in trouble long before I did. But I noticed you checked me out too."
"Yeah, I guess I did. Then you followed me into the sauna. I thought you were
so hot, and I'm not talking about the temperature in the sauna. I was just
lucky I didn't throw a boner before I got out of there."
"You? I had the same problem. When I saw that salami lying between your
runner's thighs my mouth began to water. If you hadn't left when you did I
might have jumped you. My self control was pretty weak."
"I guess I read you pretty well. I gave you my schedule hoping you'd be
interested enough to notice and you didn't disappoint me."
"Ah-ha, I knew you had an ulterior motive in telling me that information. And
I took the bait, didn't I!"
"Yeah, I sure liked having someone to run with. And I thought you were fun to
talk to also. I remember that Saturday morning after tennis when you invited
me to your BOQ room. You know, I decided at that moment that if you wanted me
for sex I was yours."
"You mean it was that easy? I wish I'd have known that, it would have saved
me a lot of nervous energy. To think the way I tip-toed around trying to
delicately maneuver you into my bedroom and you were way ahead of me."
"But you really surprised me when you wanted me to fuck you; I was sure I was
going to be the fuckee. At least I was ready for that if you wanted."
"No, Babe, I needed you inside me. And when I felt your spear penetrate my
hole so lovingly, you also pierced my heart. I was sure I couldn't live
without you. But the moment I knew for sure that I loved you was that morning
when we stopped for breakfast. As I remember, I slid in behind you while you
were trying to take a piss and got you hard so you couldn't, then I left.
When you got into the car and called me a `bastard' while laughing about it,
I knew I loved you. Not only did you have a great body you were also smart
and had a great sense of humor. Furthermore, unlike almost every other
enlisted man I'd met, you never backed away from me; you challenged me. I
really liked that; it seemed to make us equals and that's what I wanted,
needed in a lover. Well, Dave, I need to go, but I'm here for you. And Dave,
please try to help Art, he's hurting too. Bye, Babe."
"Paul, don't leave, please, Paul..."

Dave opened his eyes. He was sitting up facing the foot of the bed. His eyes
were filled with tears. He noticed the time on the clock was 03:18 AM. `Try
to help Art, he said. Art. Arthur... oh shit, Arthur Radford is Paul's boyhood
friend.' Dave began to remember the events of the previous evening.

As Dave swung his feet off the bed he realized he was still dressed so he
walked toward the bedroom door. Art must have put him to bed fully clothed.
Upon leaving his bedroom Dave noticed Mike's door was open and he was asleep
in his bed. In the living area Dave could see Art asleep on the sofa. Dave
realized Mike must have helped Art with the sheet and blanket. He could also
see Art's clothes draped over the dining room chairs. Dave approached Art and
tapped him lightly on the bottom of his feet. As Art began to stir, Dave sat
down in the easy chair to wait and turned the table lamp on the dim setting.
When Art opened his eyes and saw Dave sitting across from him he sat bolt
upright. Art used his fists to rub his eyes in an effort to wake them.

"How do you feel?" Art asked.

"Probably as bad as you, maybe even worse. You're Art aren't you, Paul's
boyhood friend."

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Paul told me about you. He said you were a great friend and he loved you."

"He said that?" Art was surprised that Dave knew anything about him. He was
also pleased because it reinforced his earlier judgement of Dave's
relationship with Paul.

"Yes. Can you tell me what happened? I need to know." Dave changed the
subject. "You know... when, where, how?" Dave sounded a little like a detective.

"Yeah! Sure! You deserve to know that," Art acknowledged. He sat back on the
sofa and realized he was only wearing a T-shirt and boxers. He knew Dave was
giving him the once-over, maybe the twice over. He didn't care. Then he
leaned forward again placing his elbows on his knees. "Paul was driving from
his ranch to the Post when he must have lost control of his car at a high
rate of speed. At least the driver of an 18-wheeler said Paul's car passed
him like he was standing still and he was actually going 75 MPH. Just as
Paul's car passed him, a shower started. The car's tires must have
hydroplaned because the car drifted off the road and flipped and tumbled more
times than the truck driver could count. Anyway, the truck driver stopped,
got on his CB radio and called the Police then he walked over to where Paul's
car finally came to rest. He was able to determine that Paul was still alive
so he ran back to his truck and updated his information. When he reported
Paul's condition the authorities dispatched a helicopter and airlifted him to
the nearest hospital. Dave, could I have something to drink, please?"

"Sure. Come with me." Dave got up and led Art to the kitchen where Dave
filled two glasses with water, added some ice from the refrigerator, and they
sat down at the kitchen table.

Art continued. "Well... the accident happened around 2:45 PM..."

"That's about thirty to forty minutes after I finished talking with him,"
Dave interjected.

Art looked up at Dave with eyes full of sorrow, then he continued. "Paul was
in a coma when they got him to the hospital. The authorities were able to
track down his parents through the license plate on the car and notified them
about two hours later that Paul was in the hospital. His dad called me and
asked me to meet them there. I've been Paul's attorney ever sense we
graduated from law school and his dad wanted me there if anything came up,
plus the fact that we've been close friends forever. Say, can we go back to
the other room?"

"I'll follow you. Would you like to top off that glass first?"

"Yes, please," Art replied. Dave refilled both glasses and added more ice.
Dave couldn't help remembering that time at the ranch when Paul educated him
about a glass being half full or half empty. At this moment he was sure the
glass was half-empty. Dave followed Art back to the living room and they sat
down as they had been earlier.

"Shortly after noon Tuesday, Paul regained consciousness. The doctors had him
pretty doped up but he was able to communicate. We were able to visit with
him until about 7:00 when he lapsed back into the coma." Art began to sob.
"He never came back. He died Wednesday morning at 2:18."

Art was now crying openly and so was Dave. Remembering Paul's request Dave
moved over to the sofa and placed his arm around Art's shoulders. He felt
Art's arm slide behind his back and they sat holding each other, their heads
together, comforting each other for their mutual loss. They must have been
sitting like that for better than a half-hour when Mike walked out of his
bedroom, awakened by the sounds of voices and crying. He walked over and sat
down on the now vacant easy chair; he was wearing only his white Hanes briefs.

"I'm so sorry, Dave, is there anything I can do?" he asked. The scene of two
grown men crying for the loss of their friend was breaking Mike's heart. Mike
didn't really know Paul Roehl but what he did know made him feel sad that
Paul was gone.

The two men released each other and sat up. "Thanks, Mike, but I wouldn't
have any idea what it might be." Dave answered.

"Well, you gotta be hungry, I'll make breakfast." Mike offered.

"Just Cheerios for me, thanks," Dave replied.

"That's fine for me too," Art added.

Mike stood up, went to the kitchen, started the coffee then poured three
bowls of Cheerios. They only had two bananas so Mike placed both of them on
the table for anyone who wanted one. If there were one left, he would eat it.
A few minutes later, Dave and Art walked into the kitchen and sat down at the
table. Art had put his pants on. Mike excused himself, went to his room and
put on a T-shirt and sweatpants. It wasn't unusual for him and Dave to walk
around the house with only their underpants on, and sometimes completely
nude, but now there was a guest in the house and greater modesty seemed more
appropriate.

"Dave, I told Mike some of what happened when he got home last night. You
were asleep and I was afraid he was going to assault me and throw me out of
the house unless I told him something. You have a damn good bodyguard there,"
Art said as he nodded his head toward Mike.

"Yeah, I pulled him out of a garbage dump and now he thinks he owes me
something. But he's okay, he's my good friend," Dave said as he took hold of
Mike's hand and squeezed it. Mike squeezed back.

The three men ate quietly, trying to comprehend the events that had just
transpired. When the coffee was ready Mike jumped up, poured three cups and
set them on the table. For some strange reason, sipping on a cup of coffee
seems to make people want to start talking.

Art looked at Mike. "Mike, thanks for the breakfast. Now, could I have some
time alone with Dave, there are some things we need to discuss between us."

"Sure, Art, I need to take a shower and get ready for work. I'm working two
shifts today." Mike collected the dirty cereal bowls, rinsed them out and
stacked them in the sink to be washed later, them he left the kitchen to get
ready for work.

Art and Dave sat quietly for quite some time. Finally, Art began to talk.
"Dave, there are a lot of things we need to take care of. First, I need to
know if you will allow me to continue on as your attorney?"

"Do I need an attorney?"

"Yes, I think you do. And you'll understand why when I'm finished."

"Sure." There was a tone of resignation in Dave's voice. "I can't think of
anyone I'd trust more than a good friend of Paul's. Yes, I'd like you to be
my attorney."

"Thank you, I'll try to repay your trust. Now, how much do you know about
Paul's net worth?"

"What do you mean, how much he made? He said he had lots of money but we
never discussed it. I never considered it any of my business."

"Well, it is your business now. You see, Paul inherited a great deal of
wealth from his grandfather. When he went into the Army he placed everything
into what's called a `Revocable Living Trust'. During those few hours when
he was able to communicate with us, his family and me, he directed that you
be made the first trustee of that Trust. Do you understand what that means?"

"No, not exactly."

"It means you are a very wealthy man. I would like for you to come to my
Dallas office in the near future so I can go over the specifics with you. In
the meantime, do you still have the American Express credit card, the Hertz
Number One card and the Cirrus card Paul gave you?"

Dave was quite surprised at first that Art would know about those things but
he quickly connected the PO Box number in Dallas where Paul said all the
bills went, and Art's office.

"Yes, I still have them."

"They are yours to continue using as much as you want. And don't worry about
the cost, it's not likely you could ever spend enough to make a dent in what
you are now worth. Is that confusing?" Art could sense some skepticism in
Dave's facial reaction.

Dave sat quietly for a few moments. "I don't know what to say. I want Paul, I
don't want his money." Tears began to well up in his eyes.

"I know, Dave," Art said compassionately as he reached out and held Dave's
hand. "I second that thought." Art paused for a moment then continued. "But
we can't bring him back. All we can do is carry on with his wishes."

"I guess," Dave sighed.

"I'm a little worried, Dave, do you think you're going to be okay?"

"You know what hurts most? Not being able to say goodbye." Dave had tears in
his eyes. "Why didn't anyone call me? I would have come," Dave pleaded.

"Dave..." Art paused, trying to think of all the things he might say, "quite
honestly, none of us knew you existed until Paul told us he wanted you to be
the first trustee of his estate. And even then we had no way of knowing how
to find you. It was only later when I was going through his things in his BOQ
room that I was able to find your address and phone number. As Paul's
attorney I had an obligation to validate what he told me and, I hope you can
forgive me, but I read a couple of the letters you wrote him." Art paused
again and Dave could see he wasn't finished. "Dave, I listened to every one
of your messages on Paul's answering machine. It tore me up to listen. I
could hear the love and concern in your voice. You two must have had some
wonderful relationship." The tears kept filling Art's eyes. "Tell you what.
When you think you're ready, I'd like you to come visit me in Dallas. I'll
take you to where Paul's laid to rest and you can pay your respects. Maybe
that will help you get some closure."

"Yeah, I like the sound of that. I want to do that. How long are you going to
be here?"

"Only as long as you need me... and I'm comfortable that you are going to be
okay."

"Yeah, I'm going to be okay, Paul tells me I'm going to be okay." Dave
smiled at Art with eyes still full of tears. Art smiled back with equally
tearful eyes. "Look, if you want to take a shower and get cleaned up I'll get
you a towel."

"Yes, I need to do that. I must be pretty rank by now," Art chuckled.

"You're among guy friends here, don't worry about it." Dave managed a soft
chuckle back at Art.

"Oh, one more thing. In my briefcase have some starter checks for your
account at a Dallas branch of the Bank of America. Now that I know your
address I'll have new checks made and have the account moved to your local
branch here. Again, I don't think you can run it dry. I that okay?"

Dave just nodded his approval.

"Hey guys, I'm off to work, anything I can do to help?" Mike announced as he
stuck his head into the kitchen.

"Just look after Dave, Mike, I'm going to leave him in your hands."

"Oh, goodie, just what I always wanted!" Mike retorted.

"You might want to rephrase that, Art, he's not to be trusted." This time
Dave was actually able to laugh at the humor.

Art walked to the door, shook Mike's hand then pulled him into a hug, "You
know what I mean, let's leave it at that. Oh..." Art said as he stepped back,
reached into his back pocket, pulled out his wallet and handed Mike a
business card, "if he gives you any trouble you can reach me at any of these
numbers. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir." Mike replied and executed a mock salute just like he was back in
the Army. He waved at Dave and left for work.

Before getting into the shower, Art called the airline and discovered there
was a flight leaving in about three hours so he reserved a seat. While Art
showered in one bathroom, Dave got undressed, brushed his teeth, shaved and
was ready to shower when he heard Art turn off the water on the other
bathroom. When Dave finished dressing and walked back into the living room
Art was fully dressed and ready to leave for the airport.

"What're you going to do today?" Art asked.

"Oh, I need to go to the library and do some research, that should take up
most of the day. I'll be home in time to make dinner for Mike and me."

Art stepped up to Dave and they held each other. A friendship based on
respect for each other and love for another was creating a bond between the
two men, the kind of bond most men wish they had but seldom found.

"I'll call you this evening." Art spoke softly into Dave's ear. "I want to
make sure you're all right. And if you need anything promise me you'll call
me."

"I promise, Art, and thank you for coming. I was on the verge of total panic.
I tried finding out where he was and if you hadn't found me I don't know
what I would have done. As bad as your news was, not knowing would have been
much worse. I'll call you and we can work something out about my coming to
Dallas."

They released each other and stood apart. Art picked up his briefcase and
Dave followed him out the door and stood on the front porch and watched Art
walk to his car. Art waved slowly before getting into the car and Dave waved
back, then Art drove away. Dave sat on the front porch for several minutes
until he began to get cold then went back into the house. At last, complete
privacy! Dave lay down on his bed and began to cry. He cried like never
before.

`Why?' he thought, `Help me understand, Paul. We had everything. We had
plans for a future together. It hurts, oh God it hurts! Paul, I didn't know
anything could hurt this much. I wish I understood,' Dave moaned. He labored
and wailed and yelled and rolled around on the bed. Finally, when he could
cry no more, he went to sleep. After about two hours he awoke, got out of
bed, picked up a book and some paper and headed for the library.

Dave managed to finish his research and complete work in another class before
returning to the house just before 5:30. Knowing Mike would be home soon,
Dave began fixing some canned tomato soup and set up to grill some sandwiches
later. About that time Mike came home, walked into the kitchen, and hugged
Dave for about a minute.

"How you doin', Bud?"

"I'm okay, I guess," Dave replied. Mike could clearly hear the sadness in
Dave's voice. "I had a successful visit at the library. Dinner's ready, you
hungry?" Dave changed the subject.

"Yeah, I'm glad you're cooking tonight, I can only eat so many subs. Say,
why don't you knock off this evening and catch a movie," it was a rhetorical
question, more a suggestion than a question.

"Oh, I don't know, I thought I'd just go to bed, I feel really tired."

"Now, come on! Do it for me. I need to get out and I don't want to do it by
myself. Whatta ya say?" Mike was not going to give in. He instinctively knew
Dave needed some kind of diversion.

"Okay, you pick something out." Dave gave in as he ladled out the soup, put
the sandwiches in the skillet to grill, and then sat down with Mike to eat
the soup. Half way through he got up and flipped the sandwiches.

"Ya know, that second run movie theater is showing the original Star Wars
movie, I can never get tired of seeing that! How's that sound?" Mike thought
a good action adventure movie where the good guys win in the end would be
good for Dave.

"Yeah, I always like that too."

"Then it's settled." Mike was relieved that they had settled on something so
fast. At that moment Dave could hear the phone ringing in his room. He rushed
to answer it.

"Hello? That you, Art?"

"Yeah, how did you guess?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about you. How was your flight?"

"Uneventful, thankfully. You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, as well as could be expected. Mike is gonna take me to see the
original Star Wars movie tonight."

"Good! I'll be checking in from time to time. Call me if you need anything,
okay?"

"Yeah, Art, bye, and thanks for calling." Dave hung up the phone.

They cleaned up the kitchen, Mike washed and Dave dried. There was little
conversation between them. Thankfully it wasn't too long before they had to
leave for the movie. Mike tried very hard not to let Dave see him watching
but Mike was a little concerned about Dave stability. Mike began to feel
better when he heard Dave laughing during some of the humorous scenes. The
rest of the evening seemed to go well and they went home and turned in at
their normal time.

Sunday morning Dave was up early and was sipping his coffee when Mike walked
in.

"How about some Sunday pancakes?" Dave asked. Mike thought Dave seemed more
normal but he wasn't ready to accept a complete recovery just yet.

"Sounds great. You had your juice?"

"Nah, not yet. I'll start the pancakes if you'll pour the juice," Dave
replied.

Mike got the glasses and as he was pouring he asked, "You goin' to church?"

"NO!" Dave snapped back. The quick, emphatic reply almost startled Mike.

`Okay, now I know not to touch that subject for a while,' Mike thought and
he let Dave's curt response just lay there unanswered.

After breakfast Mike decided to go to church alone. He had grown to like the
relaxed atmosphere and he thought the Rev. Fields was kinda hot. After the
service as Mike was leaving the church, Rev. Fields inquired about Dave. Mike
just said he wasn't feeling well and left it at that. Upon returning from
church, Mike found Dave in his room studying and decided not to disturb him.
About 12:30, Mike heard Dave leave the house; he hadn't said one word about
where he was going.

Dave walked the short two blocks to the church and went inside. He was
pleased that the place looked deserted. He walked toward the front of the
sanctuary and sat down in the second pew on the right. Bowing his head,
closing his eyes, and folding his hands in his lap, Dave tried to meditate or
pray. He was looking for peace of mind, comfort, strength, something, he just
wasn't sure. After about twenty minutes nothing was happening, his mind was
blank. He raised his head, opened his eyes and stared at the crucifix.

"Why?" He asked out loud and waited as if expecting an answer. "Why did you
take him? He was such a good person. Why didn't you take me instead? Please
help me understand. Is it my fault? Are you punishing me for something I did
or didn't do? We had great plans together." Dave's voice grew louder. "I
loved you, we loved you." Dave was now on his feet glaring at the crucifix,
the anger was building within him. "We trusted you. Now this happens." Tears
began to stream down his cheeks. "I CAN'T TRUST YOU ANY MORE! I CAN'T LOVE
YOU ANY MORE!" Dave was shouting at the top of his lungs. Then he stepped out
into the aisle, turned and began walking toward the back of the sanctuary,
faster, faster. By the time he reached the doors he was running. He stuck out
his hands and banged the doors open hard, practically ripping them from their
hinges. He sailed through the vestibule and his hands slammed against the
panic bar throwing the exterior door open. Dave ran down the street toward
home.

A lone figure stepped out of the shadows of the sanctuary wondering if he
would ever understand what he had just witnessed. Tim Fields had recognized
Dave and instinctively knew the young man was troubled but he had no idea how
to help him.

Once in his room, Dave, feeling lost, paced the floor trying to figure out
what to do. After several minutes he picked up a heavy jacket, walked over to
where Mike was watching TV and announced, "I'll be back," and left. He drove
to the airport, parked his truck in the short-term lot and walked to the
terminal. There weren't very many people at the ticket counter and he was
able to walk right up to an open station.

"I need to be on the next flight to (he told the pretty agent where he wanted
to go). She checked her computer then looked up at Dave.

"Sir, the next flight leaves in one hour and thirty-five minutes and the only
available seats are in First Class."

Dave thought for a minute. What should he do? He reached for his wallet and
handed the young lady his American Express card and his Cirrus card. "I'll
take it!" he said emphatically.

"Is that one way or round trip?" The agent asked.

"Round trip, leave the return open, please." `Thank you, Paul, for teaching
me how to function in this world.' Dave now knew how to make things work for
him. It seemed to take less than a minute before the agent handed him the
papers for his signature then his boarding pass and asked if he had any
luggage. He said no, took the boarding pass and headed for the Cirrus lounge.



Kate was sitting on the couch in the cozy sitting room in the front of the
house. Gloria had put the boys to bed, the house was quiet, and Kate was
trying to get as comfortable as an 8-month pregnant woman can get. The room
seemed to absorb the soft glow of the fire, which was augmented by the lowest
setting of one lamp. There was just enough light to read a magazine by. Kate
was sipping a hot cup of tea when the entire room illuminated then returned
to the normal comforting level it had been.

`Someone must have turned into the driveway,' she thought. `It's too early
for John, his flight won't arrive for a couple more hours. I'd better get up
and see who it is.' John's team had lost an away game earlier that afternoon
and he wouldn't get home until after 9:00 PM. Kate struggled to get to her
feet and was halfway to the door when the doorbell rang. She peeked through
the peephole but couldn't tell who it was so she opened the door.

"Davie? What a wonderful surprise!" Kate stepped aside to allow David to step
in out of the cold. "You're a little early, Honey," she said as she closed
the door, "Thanksgiving isn't for another two and a half... weeks" Kate
hesitated momentarily because with David's face now illuminated by the lights
in the foyer Kate could see he wasn't himself. "David, what's wrong?" There
was absolutely no question in her mind that he was in pain.

"He's gone, Kate." David said with more sadness in his voice than Kate had
ever heard. Dave stood motionless, staring down at the floor.

"Who's gone... Paul?" David just nodded his head. "Oh David, did you two break
up?"

"He's dead." That was the first time David had actually used that word and it
hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Hhhhhh!" was the sound of the gasp Kate made as air rushed into her open
mouth. "Ohmygod! Oh-my-God!" she said as she did her best to wrap her arms
around her brother. Her reach wasn't as far these days with the large
protrusion in front of her. Taking David by the arm she led him into the
sitting room, helped him out of his coat and sat down on the couch with him.
Kate picked up David's left hand, looked into his eyes and said, "Okay, tell
me everything." She hoped that by sharing his grief with her, David would
benefit from the cathartic process.

David began talking. Sometimes he sobbed, sometimes he laughed, and sometimes
he cried. Kate was sobbing, laughing, and crying right along with him. By the
time David finished he was lying down on the couch with his head toward
Kate's hip and she was softly stroking his hair. Eventually he went to sleep.
The one thing David did not tell Kate was the fact that Paul had left him
some money. He didn't know how much there was and, more importantly, he
didn't care.

Not long after, the room was again illuminated but the headlights of a car
pulling into the driveway. `That should be John,' Kate thought. She waited.

John couldn't help noticing the strange car in the driveway as he pulled into
the garage. He walked into the house moments later, dropped his bag by the
door to the laundry, and continued through the kitchen looking for Kate. He
stopped in his tracks when he saw Kate sitting on the couch with a man curled
up next to her. With his mouth he silently formed the words, "Who's that?"

Kate was expecting him when he got to the door of the sitting room and she
placed her finger up to her lips in a silent "Shhhh." Then she pointed to the
kitchen and signaled they should go there to talk. John, seeing Kate struggle
to stand, walked over and helped her up. After a brief hug Kate pushed John
toward the kitchen.

"Oh, John, you're not going to believe this," Kate exclaimed quietly as she
did her best to hug her husband one more time. "Sit down, I have a lot to
tell you."

They sat down facing each other across the table. "That's David in there on
the couch."

"What's he doing here? He's supposed to be in school!"

"Oh... Lord... where do I begin?" Kate was quiet for a moment while she pondered
how to start. "John, I'll tell you the whole story but first I have to tell
you something that David wanted to tell you himself." She paused again as she
collected her courage. John could tell by Kate's demeanor that she was about
to tell him something very serious and he gave her his total concentration.
"None of this will make sense unless you know that David is gay."

John looked at Kate in total disbelief. "You're pulling my leg. David's no
more gay than I am." Kate didn't say a word, she just continued to look into
John's eyes. John's mouth slowly dropped open, "I think you're serious,
aren't you!" He turned his head and looked toward the door and in the
direction where David lay sleeping. Then he turned back to look at Kate with
a rather stunned look on his face. "You're telling me that wonderful little
guy I think of as my younger brother is gay?" John stared at Kate for a
moment, looked back toward where David was, then looked at Kate again. "Whoa!
Whoa! I don't know what to say!" John was really shaken by this new
revelation. He had never given much thought to gays because he had never
known any. "Did he come here tonight to tell you that?"

Kate was trying to read John's reaction but wasn't having much success so
she continued. "No, I've known since he was fourteen, almost fifteen. He
never wanted to be gay, he often prayed not to be. But he finally gave in and
accepted who he was. He planned to tell Mother and Dad after Christmas and
then tell you after that because he met someone and fell in love. He was so
happy and he felt he owed his immediate family an explanation. He was
prepared for the consequences." Kate paused, waiting for some kind of
reaction out of John.

"Kate, it's a good thing I'm sitting down! Wow! What a shock!" If John had
been asked what he thought about gay men he probably would have come up with
some derogatory comment. He had even been guilty of cracking mean jokes about
gays. However, this was different. He knew David and he loved him. In an
instant his attitude toward gays was changed forever. "Tell me, why is he
here, something must have happened."

Kate began explaining everything she knew about her brother and Paul falling
in love and about what David had told her about Paul's death. She was just
finishing when both she and John noticed movement in the doorway. They turned
their heads to see David leaning against the doorframe. John stood up,
crossed the room, wrapped his arms around his brother-in-law and held him for
a couple of minutes without saying one word.

David was sure he could feel the love and compassion envelop him as he
disappeared into John's arms. If he ever had any doubt about being gay, the
feeling he got from being held by another man shattered those doubts. He
didn't cry. He didn't sob. He just relaxed. For the first time since
learning of Paul's death David felt safe, secure. He felt loved in the arms
of a man. And there was nothing sexual about it. Finally John released David
and guided him to the table and into a chair.

"Kate told me, David... I'm so sorry for you." For the first time Kate knew
for sure that John was going to be all right with David being gay. He was
more concerned with David's wellbeing than with anything else. "Would you
like to stay with us for a while?" Now David knew he was accepted and it
strengthened him.

"Thanks, John, thank you both," David said as he reached out and took hold of
their hands. "Just knowing I'm welcome and loved here means more than I can
ever say. I need to sleep on this. Can we talk again tomorrow?"

"Sure, Honey, would you like some hot chocolate before you go to bed?"

"Thanks, Sis, that does sound good. You sit still and let me make it."

"Yeah, I'll help," John chimed in as he and David got up from the table.
David got out the milk and Kate told him where to find a small pan while John
got out three cups and the Nestle's mix. As David stood at the stove waiting
for the milk to get hot, John stood beside him and placed his right arm
around David's shoulders. "If you ever want to talk, David, I'm here for
you. You can bend my ear as much as you need."

David looked up at John with a pleasant smile, "Thanks, John, I just might
have to take you up on that some day... when the time is right."

They sat at the table drinking their hot chocolate when Dave looked at John,
"Hey, I never thanked you for your help getting Mike that job."

"Oh, that. Well, thanks for thinking of it but I didn't have anything to do
with it. You see, I wasn't able to get around to calling until that following
Monday and by then he had already been hired. The manager said he was a good
candidate; he was really impressed."

"Well, thanks for trying, in a way I'm glad Mike didn't need our help." Dave
smiled at John sheepishly. Dave told Kate and John a little more about Mike
but left out the fact that he was gay, that was Mike's business.

When they were finished, John showed David to his room. Having been there
twice before, David knew his way around. As he was undressing he realized
he'd have to wear the same clothes home tomorrow. He found a new toothbrush
that he knew Kate kept in the bathroom so he was able to brush his teeth.

Dave awoke early Monday morning to what sounded like little boys arguing or
fighting, he couldn't tell which. He showered, dressed and went down to the
kitchen for breakfast. Just as he walked into the kitchen he saw Mark or Matt
hit the other with a toy which caused the other to retaliate by hitting back
with another toy. This was a side of the boys he had not witnessed before. At
that moment the boys saw him and ran over and wrapped their arms around each
of his legs.

"Me first!" Mark exclaimed. "No, me first!" Matt yelled back. And it went
back and forth a couple of times before David could bend down and take them
in each of his arms.

"Hey, guys, how you been. I missed you." David tried to change the subject.

"I miss too." Matt shouted. "No, I miss more!" Mark yelled. And that went on
for a couple of times until Gloria came to David's rescue and strapped both
boys into their high chairs. Dave wondered if he and Kate had ever behaved
like that. Kate and John came in at that moment and things seemed to quiet
down a little.

"How'd you sleep?" Kate asked.

"Fine, Sis, I feel a lot better this morning."

"Good!" John added, "We were concerned."

"Thanks. I knew you were; that's why I was able to sleep so well." Then,
changing the subject, "Are the boys always like this?"

Kate and John began to laugh. "Well," John continued, "enjoy this, David,
because it appears this may be as close to young ones you'll get." The brutal
wit of the male mind had reared its undiplomatic head.

"JOHN!" Kate was flabbergasted at John's frankness.

Dave laughed; he thought it was funny. "I guess he's right, Sis, but I think
I need to be heading back to school."

"You sure you're okay?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, you guys have been a big, no huge help. And seeing these little guys
has helped too," Dave said as he ruffled the hair on the top of the boys
heads. "I already called the airline and have a seat leaving at 10:05 AM. I
need to get back before I miss any more classes."

During breakfast David continued to marvel at the two little miracles sharing
the table with him. Afterward he thanked Kate and John, said goodbye to the
boys and left for the airport.



Sunday afternoon, back at the house, Mike was puzzled by Dave's sudden
departure. He decided there was nothing for him to do so he didn't. He was
troubled that Dave was still gone when it came time for him to go to bed but
what could he do? When Mike awoke early Monday morning the first thing he did
was check Dave's bedroom and found it empty. Now he was really concerned. He
paced the floor while he tried to figure out what he might do.

"Art!" he exclaimed, "I'll call Art! He'll know what to do." Mike went into
his room and began searching through all the papers on the top of his desk
looking for the business card Art had given him. "I gotta clean this up
someday!" he exclaimed out loud. "Ah-ha, here it is." He lifted the phone and
dialed the 800 number. When a sleepy voice answered Mike realized he's
screwed up; he forgot about the time difference.

"Hello?"

"Art? Mike. Dave's gone."

"What!" Art was suddenly awake. "Define gone."

"Well, he left here in a rush yesterday afternoon saying he'd be back but
he's still not back. I'm a little worried."

"Okay, Mike, think. You know him better than I do, would he have gone home?
Or is there someone he might want to talk to?"

"Nah, I don't think he'd go home, his parents don't know he's gay." Mike
thought for a moment. "Wait! His sister!"

"What about his sister?"

"She knows! Dave always seemed real close; maybe he went to her place. I've
got her number here somewhere... where is that card Dave made up?" Mike began
shuffling through the stack of papers on his desk again. "Oh, here it is."

"Call her, Mike and let me know what you find out."

"Yeah, Art, I'll call you back. Bye." Mike pushed the switch hook down,
released it, listened for the dial tone and dialed Kate's number.



"Hello?"

"This is Mike Sanchez, is Dave Baker there?" Mike had a knack for getting
straight to the point, no polish.

"Oh hi, Mike, he just left."

"Oh thank God! I had no idea where he was. He didn't tell me where he was
going when he left yesterday and, when he didn't come home last night I kinda
freaked. He's been through a lot lately."

"Yes, Mike, we know. He told us everything and I'm glad you called. David
seems much better this morning but I'd like for you to call me if you think
he needs any help. Will you do that?"

"Yes Ma'am," Mike responded. From somewhere came an expression of respect for
Kate that seemed almost foreign to Mike's personality. "Thanks a lot, I'll
be at work when he gets home but I'll sure look after him. I owe him a lot.
Bye."

"Bye, Mike, it's been nice talking to you." They both hung up their phones.

Mike immediately called Art and told him Dave was found and should be home
that afternoon.


*******

(To be continued.)