Date: Sun, 13 Apr 2008 18:37:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: justinr_88@yahoo.com
Subject: Love is All that Matters chapter 8

Do not read further if you are not of legal age in your
country to do so. The usual disclaimers and copyright laws
apply.


LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS
~ Chapter 8 ~

From the Narrative of Harrison Ridgeway IV:

I smiled to myself as I drove home. Josh had been reluctant
to let me go home until I'd explained that I had to attend
dinner because my sister and her husband were coming over.
We'd parted with a goodbye kiss, which he'd given me on the
sidewalk outside the cafe. It had been dark, and hardly
anyone else was around, so it wasn't really as daring as it
might seem. But for me it was the first taste of freedom,
even though I was still a long way from coming out.

As I drove back, I noticed a black car in my rear-view
mirror. It looked similar to the one I'd seen outside Dean's
apartment earlier that day. Was someone following me? I
shook the thought from my head. Why would someone be tailing
me? I told myself I was being unnecessarily paranoid. When I
turned into the street on which my house was, the car
continued straight on.

Phoebe and her husband, Ronald, were already at the house
when I arrived. After how our last dinner conversation had
ended, I was nervous about seeing Dad again. However I was
sure there wouldn't be a repeat tonight, not with Phoebe and
Ronald also there. Phoebe has always been Dad's golden
child, so much so that he hadn't made a big deal out of her
falling in love and marrying a lecturer. While he wasn't
rich or influential (which is what Dad had hoped for),
Ronald was a very nice guy, four years older than Phoebe. He
lectured in economics, and since I'd done my degree in that
subject, he'd been an invaluable help during university.

During dinner I kept my conversation to a minimum. I didn't
want to give Dad any reason to explode or make threats at
the dinner table - it wouldn't be fair on the rest,
especially since we all only had dinner together once in a
while. Ronald asked me what I planned to do, in terms of a
job, which made me realize I hadn't thought about it at all.
I'd always assumed I'd handle the finances for Dad's office
and political campaign; but now I wasn't so sure how I felt
about that, or whether Dad even wanted me to.

I managed to get through dinner without making eye contact
with Dad, although I did notice him looking at me strangely
a couple of times. The jubilation I'd felt earlier faded
away; Dad always seemed to have that effect on me.


I wasn't going to be daunted by this, I promised myself.
Everything was going so well. As I drifted off to sleep, I
thought how things looked so much better today than they had
in a long time. So I went to sleep with a smile on my face,
dreaming of Josh.

I should have known better. This was only the calm before a
storm.


From the Narrative of Reid Emerson Scott:

I downed my fifth - or was it sixth? - glass and asked the
barman for another. He looked concerned.

"Haven't you had enough already? That stuff's strong."

"Look, I'm paying, aren't I? So your job is to keep pouring,
not offer unwanted advice," I snapped at him.

He shrugged as if to say "It's your funeral" and poured
another glass. Well, it's not as if I had a choice. What was
I to do when the guy I loved didn't love me back? The worst
part was he didn't even seem to know that I loved him.

Which left me sitting by myself in a gay bar. I wasn't
looking for anyone to pick me up, just trying to drown my
sorrows in alcohol. I hadn't done that in a long time, I
realized. Josh didn't like me to get drunk, so I'd cut back
on the alcohol intake. Yeah, well, he certainly did a good
job of straightening me out - before dumping my sorry ass
the moment he got his dream boy.

I swallowed the contents of the glass. Was it just me, or
was the room getting kind of blurry?

"Hi there, handsome." A guy came and sat down on the stool
next to me. He wasn't very attractive - about mid-forties,
beer belly and thinning hair.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Um, sure." I wasn't that drunk to not know he was trying to
hit on me. He definitely wasn't my type though. I was
distracted by the sound of a cell phone ringing. It took me
a moment to realize it was my own.

I snapped it open and stared at the display, which read
`Josh calling'. I rejected the call and put the phone back
into my pocket.

Next to me, the guy noted, "You've got nice arms." He was
eyeing my biceps which were exposed by the sleeveless t-
shirt.


"Thanks - I guess," I stammered. I barely noticed him
feeling my arm. It wasn't a bad sensation; it was kind of
nice to have someone pay attention to you, even if that guy
wasn't all that good-looking.

"So, can I take you home with me?" he asked.

"Wh-what?" I wasn't sure about that. "N-no, I have to g-get
home," I slurred. I tried to get up and stumbled. The guy
reached out and grabbed me by the arm, preventing me from
falling.

"Hold on there, buddy. You're in no state to drive home.
C'mon, I'll give you a lift."

"Uh, okay." He helped me out of the bar and into his car. I
fought a losing battle to keep my eyes open, and finally
gave up.

                            * * *

 I opened my eyes blearily and shut them again immediately.
   The bright sunlight managed to intrude even through my
   closed eyelids. My head felt like someone was trying to
        split it open with a sledgehammer. I moaned.

 "Good morning, handsome," I heard a stranger's voice say. I
       quickly opened my eyes. This wasn't my bedroom.

   "Where the hell am I?" I asked, sitting up in the bed.

    The guy looked confused. "In my house, of course." I
   recognized him vaguely from the bar, the night before.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" I realized that I was naked
        under the bedcovers. "What did you do to me?"

   The guy was evidently baffled. "Don't you remember last
                           night?"

  I tried to recall. But I couldn't remember anything after
 I'd left the bar and gotten into his car. "Not after I got
                       into the car."

             "Shit, you really don't remember."

        "Are you going to tell me or not!" I yelled.

"Okay, okay," the guy said defensively. "I tried to get your
address from you, but you were passed out. So I tried to get
your wallet out, to figure out where you lived. But then you
 grabbed me by the collar and begged me to take you back to
                         my place."


"I what?"

"Yeah, you rambled on about some guy who stole your
boyfriend away from you, how they were probably fucking at
that very moment. Then you said you wanted us to fuck as
well. So we did."

"I wasn't thinking clearly, you idiot! You took advantage of
me," I accused.

"Whoa . . . hold it right there," he protested. "You were
more than willing. In fact you were quite enthusiastic,
telling me to fuck you harder."

I was all confused now. That did sound like me when I got
really drunk. And I certainly was drunk last night, if the
hangover I was suffering from was anything to judge by. I
ran my hands through my hair.

"Okay, fine, whatever. Just tell me where my clothes are."

He pointed silently to the trail of hastily-discarded
clothing. I grabbed my boxers and put them on, wincing as I
felt my sore ass. I pulled on my jeans as I hopped towards
the door.

The guy called out to me, "Can I at least have your number?"

"No! I might have agreed, but you should've known better
than to have sex with someone who was completely drunk." I
pulled my t-shirt over my head as I opened his front door.

"But I swear, you wanted it!"

I turned to glare at him.

The guy looked pathetically guilty. "Look, I'm sorry. It's
just that, I don't get laid very often, and when an
attractive young man like you actually wants me to fuck him
. . ." He allowed his voice to trail off.

My anger cooled down a little. I guess I could identify with
him on feeling unwanted. "I'm sorry I leapt to conclusions.
I was irresistible, huh? That's nice to know."

He smiled uncertainly. "That's okay. Do you need a lift
home?"

"If it's no problem."

"None at all. Just tell me the address this time."

                            * * *

He dropped me off in front of Josh's house. I let him talk
while he drove, because I was too busy nursing a hangover.
He seemed to know I didn't want to talk about myself, and I
was thankful he didn't ask me anything. I somehow knew I
wasn't going to see him again, because he wasn't my type
anyway, but I didn't regret meeting him. I just wish I
remembered the sex we'd had. From his description, it had
been amazing. But if there was one thing I'd learnt, it was
not to hope for a relationship built purely on good sex.

I thanked him and watched him drive off before I went up to
the front door. Josh opened it almost immediately. He must
have been waiting for me.

"Where have you been all night? I was really worried. And
who was that guy?"

"Why, jealous?" I asked grumpily.

"No, it's not that" He scrutinized me closely. "Are you
drunk? You are, aren't you? You've got your t-shirt on
inside out."

"What do you care?" I mumbled. I had one hell of a hangover
and wasn't in the mood to listen to him. "Did you enjoy the
night with Harrison?"

"Reid! I didn't spend the night with anyone. That doesn't
seem to be the case with you. Where'd you meet that guy
anyway? What's his name?"

"Stop asking me all these questions. He did tell me his
name, but I can't remember it." I pushed past him and went
into the hallway.

Josh followed me, a stunned look on his face. "You slept
with a guy whose name you don't know?"

"It was more like two kindred souls finding each other.
Isn't that how you'd put it? It sounds perfect for you and
Harrison. While you two lovebirds enjoyed a perfect night of
loving, I had sex with another guy who was unwanted."

"Damn it, Reid! I just told you Harry and I didn't spend the
night together. And you're not unwanted."

"You could have fooled me. Just fuck off." I went into my
bedroom and shut the door behind me. I flung myself onto the
bed.

Josh banged on the closed door. "Reid, let me in."

"Screw you, Josh. My head feels like it's about to split
open."

Josh opened the door and came in.

"I thought I told you to fuck off."

He sat down on the bed. "Reid, you can't be like this.
Getting drunk and sleeping with random guys . that's not
like you."

"It was before I hooked up with you. So things have just
returned to the way they were before."

Josh stared at me. "I'm sorry I didn't understand sooner,
Reid. I thought you'd be okay with it. I mean, you were
always -"

"Someone who doesn't have feelings? Someone you could just
fuck around with? Well, here's news for you - I do have
feelings."

Josh's eyes filled with tears. But I wasn't going to
sympathize with him.

"Why are you crying? You have Harrison. I'm the one who's
all alone."

"Reid, don't talk like that. You have me."

I laughed bitterly. "I have you? Yeah, right. You belong to
Harrison, not me."

"Reid, there's someone out there who's meant for you too.
The guy who does win your heart is one very lucky man."

"Well if he's so lucky, how come you don't want to be that
man?"

"It's complicated, Reid. I've always been in love with
Harry. You knew that. I didn't hide it from you."

"Well, I thought it would fade with time. Shows what an
idiot I was."

"You're not an idiot, Reid. Just someone who fell in love
with the wrong guy. I'm still here for you."

I looked at him through bleary eyes. "You broke my heart,
Josh. And the pain isn't going away."

To his credit, Josh looked guilt-stricken. Yeah, well, he
should. He'd reduced me to waking up naked and hung over in
a stranger's bed without any recollection of the night
before.


"I'm sorry, baby." He tried to put his arms around me. I
pushed him away.

"Don't call me baby. Go away and leave me alone." I tried to
cover my face with the pillow.

"I'm not leaving you here like this. I know you're mad at
me, but please believe me when I say I care for you. Don't
ever doubt that."

I did want to be angry at him, for abandoning me. But for
some reason I couldn't. I guess it must be the effect love
has on a person.

"How do you manage to do it, Josh? Whatever you do, I can't
seem to stay mad at you for long."

Josh gave a watery smile. "So you aren't mad at me?"

"I guess not . . . I should've known better than to love a
guy whose heart already belonged to someone else."

"Reid, you haven't tried to have any other relationships,
except with me. If you did, you'll realize there are so many
available guys out there, who'd be much better for you than
me."

"Uh-huh." I wasn't convinced.

"Come on, Reid. You'll find someone else, I promise. Now
will you at least have a shower? You can't just go back to
sleep in those clothes."

"I'm too wasted to get undressed and stand under the
shower."

"Okay, I'll help you." And he started to pull my t-shirt up
over my head.

My eyes, which were half-closed, were suddenly wide open.
"You're going to undress me?"

Josh gave a laugh which never failed to send a tingle up my
spine. "It's not as if I haven't done it before."

"And then you're going to hold me up in the shower? In the
same shower where we used to exchange morning blowjobs?" I
asked in disbelief.

His smile faded. "Okay, maybe that wasn't such a good idea."

"Aha, now you're questioning your judgment. Should you let
me drown in the shower by myself, or risk what might happen
when you're in the shower with your naked ex-boyfriend?"

"You won't drown in the shower!" he protested. Then he
relented. "Alright, but my clothes stay on."

"You're going to wet," I warned.

Josh glared at me, but didn't say anything as he proceeded
to strip me naked. Then he pulled me off the bed and half-
supported, half-dragged me into the shower.

I yelped when the hot water hit my naked body. But I had to
admit, it was helping to clear my foggy head. Josh stood as
far away as possible from the jet of water. But I wasn't
going to let him off that easily.

Once the throbbing in my head had dulled, I splashed water
onto him.

"Hey!" he yelled, trying to put up a futile resistance. I
dragged him under the shower with me. He tried to fend me
off, but I held him tightly. He stopped struggling and
stared at me. I knew he could feel my hard-on poking him in
the leg.

"Reid, I can't," he said quietly. "Not anymore."

I released him and sighed. "Well, it was worth a shot.
Amazing what loyalty a little guy like Harrison can stir up,
huh?"

Josh was looking at me with pity. "You're going to be okay,
Reid. I promised you, and I'll make sure of it."

I smiled sadly. He looked so gorgeous, with his curly black
hair hanging down over his face and the wet t-shirt sticking
to his body.

"You can go now, Josh. Go and be with Harrison. I know how
happy he makes you."

"Someone will make you happy someday, too," he told me.

The only sound was the shower running. Then I said, "You'd
better get to the cafe."

Josh shook his head. "No, I told you I won't leave you like
this. I'll call Liz and ask her to handle the cafe for a
while. In the meantime, I'll see what I can get you for your
hangover. You'll be fine by yourself in here?"

"Yeah, I think I'll stay for a bit longer."

He looked at me uncertainly, but he seemed to be reassured
by my words. I leaned back against the wall and allowed the
hot water to wash away the pain as I watched him leave. And
my already broken heart shattered into even smaller pieces.

                    To be continued . . .

Let me know what you think of this chapter by emailing me at
justinr_88@yahoo.com. Thanks for all the feedback and the
next chapter is coming soon.