Date: Wed, 7 Feb 2007 19:07:18 -0800 (PST)
From: brittany martinez <you_r_always_in_my_heart_rmw@yahoo.com>
Subject: For Reasons Unknown

Ziip... ziiip...ziiiiiip...

I fidget with the zipper of my sweater as I sit outside on the top of the
cement school sign. School got out twenty minutes ago so there's really not
that many people left here on campus. I take a deep breath and look up at
the dark grey sky as a rain drop lands on my shoulder. The late February
air makes me shiver slightly as it starts sprinkling. I close my eyes as
the water splashes against my skin, I can stay here forever if I could. I
keep my eyes closed, clearing my mind and try to concentrate on the sounds
around me; the wind ruffling the leaves on the nearby tress and the rain
hitting different surfaces as it starts to come down more rapidly. I open
my eyes when I hear the sound of an approaching car -- a black sedan -- my
mother's car. I stand up and walk towards the car as I pull my sweater
tightly around me; it wasn't until I got into the car that even realized
that I'm shivering. My mom looks at me and smiles until she notices my wet
hair and sweater -- That quickly makes her smile disappear. "Wyatt Isaac
Larson! Are you crazy?" He voice takes on that worried, protective mother
tone.  I cringe slightly because I don't like hearing her yell but don't
respond. "You know better than to be outside in the rain like that, you
could get sick." She says worriedly as she turns to look at me as she pulls
the car away from the school.

I lean my forehead against the window and watch as a drop of rain makes its
way down the cold glass. I know she's upset with me for staying outside
while it was raining, but I can't help it -- I love the rain. "Sorry..." I
manage to say in a whisper as I start twirling a strand of my dark hair
between my fingers. I let out a heavy sigh as I pull my backpack close to
my chest.

My mom glances over at me and I hear her let out a sigh as well. "I'm sorry
I got so upset honey, it's just... with your condition..."

"I'm fine okay?" I snap cutting her off. She slowly shakes her head and
stares down at the steering wheel. I can tell she's hurt -- that she's only
doing this because she cares about me but for Christ's sake, does she have
to be so damn over protective? "I wish you wouldn't worry so much... I'm
old enough to take care of myself." I say not trying to sound angry but I'm
in a bad mood as it is.

"I worry about you, that's all. You can't expect me not to Wyatt. Okay? If
something happened to you I'd -- I don't know what I'd do." She says; her
voice cracking as she tries to hold back her tears. I feel her hand on the
back of my neck, I force myself to relax and all my tension goes away. I
don't know what to say to her so I don't say anything at all. When we get
home, I throw my backpack over my left shoulder and follow my mom into the
house. "Oh, before I forget." She says right as I start walking towards my
bedroom. "You have an appointment with Dr. Perez tomorrow afternoon." She
looks at me and smiles softly -- I force a weak smile just so she won't
think I'm angry with her, because I'm not.


I walk into my room and close the door behind me, Dr. Perez is my
psychologist, I've been seeing him every week for the last four and half
years. My mom says it's to help me with all the problems in my life. You
see, I was born with congenital aerotic stenosis, a Narrowing of the aortic
valve opening, which causes obstruction of blood flow into the
circulation. The condition causes my heart to work harder and the muscle in
the wall of the left ventricle to thicken. Of course, we didn't find out
about my heart condition until I was about 6 years old but ever since my
mom has kept a close eye on me. My father walked out on us after they found
out about my condition, my mom doesn't really like to talk about it. She
says they just didn't belong together... but I know the real reason dad
left. Because he couldn't handle the trouble of having a sick child. I lay
down in my bed, pulling my pillow up against my chest.

"Hey queer." Logan says as he walks into the room and throws his bag on his
bed, we share a room. He quickly unzips his backpack and digs around for
something. I roll my eyes. Logan and I used to be close, but for some
reason that all changed when my heart problem started to get a little more
serious. We began to drift apart. Some days it feels like he hates me,
maybe he does. Because of me, we've moved 4 times in the last 6 years so
I'd have better doctors and cardiologists. "What's wrong with you?" he asks
as he stuffs a piece of paper into the back pocket of his jeans. I pull the
pillow closer and don't answer as I stare at the dark blue painted wall. He
rolls his eyes and shrugs as he walks out of the room -- obviously annoyed
by my very presence.

I slowly sit up and start messing with the sheet on my bed when my mom
walks into the room. "Hi honey." She says with a warm smile as she walks
over to me with a glass of water and a small plastic cup -- probably with
my meds. She sits on the corner of the bed and hands me both cups.

"I hate these." I say as I pop the pills into my mouth and swallow them
down with the water.

"I know Wy, but they help." She says taking the glass from me. I nod
because I know she's right. She looks down at her apron and starts slowly
brushing the wrinkles out of it. "Logan's been going out a lot lately, you
don't happen to know where he's been going do you?"

I shrug my shoulders. "He doesn't tell me anything anymore -- not since the
last time we moved anyways..." I answer as I look down at the bed.

She looks at me and gives me this worried look before pressing the palm of
her hand to my forehead. "Do you feel alright sweetie?" she asks
apprehensively. "You look pale."

I push her hand away. "I'm fine."

She gives me a look then lets out a soft sigh. "Okay." She says as she
stands up and ruffles my hair with her hand.

Later that night Logan sneaks back into the room, trying not to make any
noise as he crawls into bed. I slowly sit up and turn the light
on. "Where've you been?" I ask half asleep.

"Out." He answers agitatedly.

"Obviously. Mom's been worried." I say as I look at him.

He rolls his eyes and shoots me a dirty look. "Really? She actually had
time to worry about someone else besides you?" he asks pulling the blankets
up over him.

Ouch, that really hurt. "She doesn't-"

"Don't even try to deny it Wyatt. You're all mom ever has time for now,
we've moved so many fucking times all because of you -- did I ever get a
say in anything? No... Because mom puts you first before everything." He
says angrily, his eyes burning into mine.

"It's not my fault." I say feeling guilty. I didn't ask for this heart
problem, nor do I want it. It's just something I have to deal with.

He rolls his eyes again. "Whatever. I wish dad was here."

I take a deep breath and start fidgeting with my blanket. "Dad walked out
on us when mom needed him the most." I say, I can hear the anger in my
voice starting to rise.

Logan looks at me furiously. "He left because of you Wyatt. You. It's your
fault he's gone." He says pulling the blanket over his head and turning
over.

I reach a shaking hand over to turn the light off, slowly rolling over on
to my side as a tear runs down my cheek. I can feel my whole body shaking
as I try to hold back the urge to cry, to hold them back but I can't -- so
I cry. I cry because I'm weak, because my brother hates me and because no
matter how much I want to get better I simply can't -- because it's not
that easy.

                                     ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dr. Perez is tall thin guy with blonde hair, brown eyes and thick rimed
glasses. He sits at his desk with a notebook in front of him as I sit in an
arm chair across from him. "How are you feeling today Wyatt?" he asks
calmingly as I picks up a pen and rights down today's date. I don't answer
because I'm not really in the mood to talk to him. He looks at me
concerned. "What's up buddy? You're never this quiet." He says setting the
pen down. I let out a heavy sigh and lean back in the chair as I start
playing with a strand of hair. "Are you not talking to me because you're
upset or you just don't want to be here?" he asks as he crosses his arms
over his chest. I slowly look up at him and then at the wall, there's a
picture of him and his wife with their 4 year old daughter, pictures of
just his daughter, various certificates and awards. I hear him clear his
throat as he leans back in his seat. "Wyatt I can't help you if you don't
talk to me. If there's something bothering you, you need to tell me okay?"

I look at him again and shake my head as I stare down at my
shoes. "n-no... there's nothing." I answer as I stand up and walk towards
the door.

"Uh... Wyatt, can you have your mom come in here please?" he asks standing
up behind his desk. I look at him curiously and then slowly nod my
head. He's probably going to tell her about how I wouldn't talk to him but
to be honest, I don't feel like it. I'm sick of having to count on doctors
to tell me how I should live my life. Isn't it my life? Don't I have a say
in anything anymore? I walk out into the waiting room to find my mom
sitting in a chair reading one of her romance novels; I tell her that
Dr. Perez would like to have a word with her. She hands me the book and
walks back to his office. I sit in the chair she had been sitting in and
open the book; I've always liked reading Mom's books. I guess it's the
whole idea of people being in love. Something that I want, but find no use
for. Who would want a boyfriend who had a heart problem like it do?  I let
out another sigh and put the book down on the chair beside me. I wish I was
like everyone else, normal, healthy. But that's asking way too much because
it's something that will never happen.

                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~

July 22, 2002

It was nearly six o'clock; the sun was setting making the sky turn a
purplish red color. I sat on the front step staring up at the sky as a
couple birds fly over me. I wonder what it's like to be a bird, to fly and
just be free. I let out a soft sigh and watch as the wind blows the leaves
on the trees "Wyatt honey, are you outside?" my mother asks as she walks
out on to the porch. She sits beside me and wraps her arms around
me. "Sweetie you're freezing." She says taking her sweater off and wrapping
it around me.

"Ma, when is my heart going to get better?" I ask looking up at the clouds.

She looks at me and takes my hand into hers. "Soon sweetie, as soon as the
doctor says you're old enough to have the surgery." She answers kissing me
on the forehead. I look down at my hands and start fidgeting with her
sweater. "What's the matter Wyatt?" she ask, I can hear the concern in her
voice.

I slowly look up at her and take a deep breath. "Am I going to die?" I ask
in almost a whisper as I bury my head in her side.

She quickly wraps her arms around me and holds me tightly. "Who told you
that you were going to die?" she asks looking down at me.

"N-nobody..." I lie. Logan had told me a few weeks ago that I was going to
die if they didn't hurry up and have the surgery.

She cupped my chin and made me look into her eyes. "You are not going to
die okay? You're going to get better, I promise." She says forcing a
smile. I lean into her arms and let her hold me close. A few minutes later
Logan got home from a friends house and mom followed him inside, I stayed
outside but I could hear them fighting.

"Did you tell him he was going to die?" she shouted angrily at him.

"So what if I did?"

"Don't ever say anything like that to your brother again do you hear me?
Nothing is going to happen to him, he's going to get better and he's going
to leave a normal life just like everyone else." I could tell by her voice
that she was getting even angrier.

I stand up and walk towards the front door.

"I wish he would. Then we wouldn't have to keep moving." Logan shouted back
at her as I walk into the house, my head lowered, staring at the ground.

My mother looks at him in disbelief, then reaches out and smacks him. In
the thirteen years I've been alive I had never seen my mother hit anyone.
"Go to your room. I cannot believe you said that! You wait until Chris gets
home!" she shouts furiously.

Logan rolls his eyes and walks towards our room. "Whatever, he's not my
father."

"No but he's your step-father now go!" She says crossing her arms over her
chest as Logan goes into the bedroom and slams the door shut. My mom lets
out a heavy sigh and I can tell she's about to cry so I walk slowly over to
her, giving her a hug. She wraps her arms around me and hugs me back. "I'm
sorry your brother is acting this way." She whispers softly.

"It's okay..." I say softly.

"No... honey, it's not. He has no right to say stuff like that to you." She
kisses my forehead. "God I wish you had it better, I hate what this is
doing to you."

			*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 At school the next day I'm looking through some papers, my transcripts,
SAT results, stuff like that. I'm sitting in my desk in my English class,
Ms. Perkins lets me since it's raining out and I know how mom gets when I'm
outside in the rain.  Ms. Perkins walks over to me and smiles warmly at
me. "How are you doing Wyatt?" she asks sitting on top of the desk beside
me.

"Fine." I answer returning the smile. "Just organizing some papers."

"Do you need any help?" she asks.

"Nah, I got it. It's just for graduation and all." I answer as I tuck the
papers away in my binder.

"Graduation... oh, you're graduating this year right?" she asks standing
up.

"Yeah, a year early."

"I bet your mom's very proud of you, you're a very smart young man." She
says placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"She is, it's just..." I let out a heavy sigh and look down at the desk. "I
want to go to college. I want to be able to do something with my life, but
my mom she doesn't want me too far away from her because she's so afraid
something's going to happen to me. And I just, I don't need to have to
always have to depend on her. I need to live my life." I say as I look up
at her.

Ms. Perkins runs a hand through her hair and thinks for a second. "I agree
with you Wyatt, but I also understand where your mom is coming from. She
loves you."

"I know she does. It's just complicated." I say as I put my binder in my
backpack as the bell rings.

"Well, maybe you two can find a way to work things out. You can go to a
community college or something, stay close to home. I'm sure she wouldn't
mind that."

I think about it for a moment and then smile. "Thank you Ms. Perkins." I
reply as I walk out of her classroom. Maybe my mom will let me go to a
community college, that's something I'll have to talk to her about
that. Suddenly as I'm walking down the hall I accidentally trip over
something making me fall face down on the floor.

"Oh god, I am so sorry." Says someone, I turn around and see a tall dark
haired guy standing in front of me. I can feel my heart pounding in my
chest as I look up at him, he has gorgeous green eyes and black hair (which
is obviously dyed but still looks great on him) "Are you alright?" he asks
as he holds out his hand for mine.

"Yeah I'm fine." I answer taking his hand and allowing him to pull me on to
my feet.

"I'm sorry about that; I should have had my bag right there." He says
smiling, showing off his pearl white teeth.

"I-it's fine." I say trying to hold myself back from stuttering.

"Um... I'm Mason." He says holding out his hand to me.

I take his hand and shake it. "Wyatt." I say blushing.  Oh great, I'm
making a total fool of myself.

"It's nice to meet you."


A/N- Well that's it for now.

Feel free to e-mail me and let me know what u think. So I know what needs
improved

You_r_always_in_my_heart_rmw@yahoo.com
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