Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 17:18:57 -0500
From: Jack Schaeffer <jack.schaeffman@gmail.com>
Subject: Forever - Chapter 10

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As always, comments welcomed: jack.schaeffman@gmail.com


FOREVER
By Jack Schaeffer
Copyright 2014. All rights reserved.

Chapter 10


I was nervous, my mind all over the place, and it showed in my driving. I
slammed on my brakes, narrowly avoiding rear ending the car in front of me.
Earlier, I had pulled out of the gas station into traffic and caused another
car to nearly swerve into oncoming traffic to avoid hitting me - I never even
looked! This Monday morning drive to work might very well be my last if I
didn't get a grip. What was my problem?

I had spent Sunday just chilling in my apartment. After a neighbor upstairs
helped with the Wi-Fi password for the apartment complex, I was able to get
my iPad going, and I spent hours surfing the internet and downloading music
on iTunes. I even did a little porn watching and the usual related activity
that goes along with that, just to pass the time. That was fun. But two
dimensional sex was losing its appeal - I had my heart set on the real deal.
Hopefully soon.

I also did a lot of thinking, which is something I like to do. My mind seldom
shuts down, even when I am doing relatively little else. It's always working
on something. Yesterday it was stuck on the nagging feeling that something
was missing in my life, beyond the obvious no boyfriend and no sex life. Sure
I had money now - more than I could ever spend - but that doesn't buy
everything that a guy needs. It was a deeper thing, and it was nagging at me
just beneath the surface.

As a guy, I can only really focus on one thing at a time. So when I started
getting frustrated with that problem, I shoved it into a mental box, and
decided to focus instead on something I had wanted to do my whole life but
never had the chance to before - travel. I had never seen the ocean in real
life - at least not since I was an infant, and I'm not sure even then - so
that held a real attraction for me. Plus, I was wanting some sun. Our Chicago
winter had been particularly harsh this year, with much colder than normal
temps and a crap load of snow. They were calling for possibly more tonight.
It was April 2nd, for crying out loud! I was cold and wet and I wanted out of
it for a while.

One of the great things about the internet is that you can find pictures of
whatever you want with a simple Google search. So I typed in "beach", "sun",
and "sand" and was taken to thousands of pictures of matching images. One in
particular leaped off the screen at me - Kailua Beach in Hawaii. That sparked
a search for best beaches of the world, and surprise, Kailua Beach was on the
list, though not the top pick. Most of the really high ranked beaches were in
other countries, and while I had the means to get there, I did not have a
passport so leaving the country was out of the question for now.

I was thinking differently about the money, too - and it concerned me a
little. It was starting to become almost like monopoly money in my mind. If I
didn't watch it I could see myself doing really stupid, wasteful things with
it. There is a thrill you can get when spending it, almost like what you get
on a roller coaster or something similar. There's a rush of pleasure in the
purchase. But then it's over, and you're left with whatever you bought, or
worse, nothing tangible to show for it at all. I needed to find the balance
between fearful miser and foolish spendthrift.

I didn't want to break the bank my first week, but I also wanted to live a
little, too. Sharon had said a vacation might be a good thing for me, and I
couldn't think of a reason to disagree, so I spent Sunday afternoon
researching options for a vacation in Hawaii. It's a tropical paradise but
still in the U.S., so a passport is not needed. There were lots of
accommodation options, but the ones that appealed to me the most were of
course the most expensive - private homes for rent. Some of them were
mansions, exquisitely beautiful with private pools and extraordinary views. A
few rented for as high as twenty grand per night! That was way too much for
just me. The one I really wanted to stay at wasn't cheap though - it was
$2,500 per night. I would have to ask Todd about that. I didn't feel
comfortable spending that kind of money yet. But I was craving the privacy
you can get with a private house set apart by itself versus a resort full of
people. I needed some time to think and process and figure out what my next
steps were going to be. And that house sure looked like a little bit of
heaven on earth on the website.

As I was getting ready for bed last night, I was reminiscing, too, about all
the events and people from Denver. I missed Sharon and Billy a lot, and it
had only been two days. There was already a sense of a hole in my life
because they weren't there anymore. I even found myself wondering about Clyde
and whether or not he had stopped to get flowers for Shirley like we had
talked about.

I sadly realized that I had had more fun and excitement and real
conversations about real subjects in the two days out there than I had had in
Chicago in over two years. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration, but things
in Chicago had really never happened for me. I was still in the same place I
was when I first moved to town. In every area of life.

That's when I had my epiphany - I knew what it was that was missing from my
life in Chicago. It was a single, simple thing - hope. Hope was missing. Hope
for a future, hope for a relationship, hope for a career, hope for a real
purpose in life. Not that my life was bad or totally pointless; it just
didn't have any energy to it anymore. And that's what hope provides - the
energy and drive to keep moving toward the things hoped for. Somewhere along
the way I had surrendered hope altogether and settled for going through the
motions to nowhere.

Which was why I was driving like a fool not in his right mind. I was fretting
over what in the world I was going to say to Marcus this morning when I got
to work. How much do I tell him about Denver and all that happened? And more
importantly, how do I tell him that I don't want to work for his company
anymore?

Because the fact is - I didn't. My job was a big reason for my sense of
hopelessness. I was a 24 year old guy with a college degree in Business
Management. The place I worked at was small and there was absolutely no room
for advancement or direction for me to grow in. I suppose I could go back to
school and become a certified accountant - that would have made Marcus very
happy. He'd been wanting an accountant on staff forever. But I had no desire
to be an accountant. In fact, I still didn't know what I wanted to be. But it
definitely was not an accountant.

When by some minor miracle I made it the office in one piece, I parked the
car and sat there for a minute, trying to collect my jumbled thoughts. I
didn't want to delay and not say anything to Marcus. I wanted to get on with
my life. But I also didn't want him to be mad at me for quitting. After all,
he's the one that gave me the job in the first place. And let's face it - it
was a gift. I didn't know crap about bookkeeping or running an office when I
started. But he gave me the chance and the time to grow into it. Finally a
semblance of a plan sort of gelled together in my mind. Time to suck it up,
cupcake.

My desk had several neat, short stacks of papers on it, along with the direct
deposit pay stub for my paycheck from last week. Ordinarily I check my bank
balance religiously every Friday morning to make sure that my paycheck made
it in there - I had usually already spent most of it. This week I had
completely forgotten about it. Interesting.

I was hoping I could talk with Marcus first before Mary arrived and started
her investigation into my non-approved activities. Unfortunately they walked
in together, Mary chatting up a storm and Marcus looking like he was well on
his way to a migraine. I wondered how they had gotten along last week without
me.

Marcus saw me at my desk and said quickly, "Hey Jack, could you come into my
office right away?" He had a pleading look on his face as if to say "Save me
from this woman!"

I got up and followed him in, lest Mary turn her sights in my direction next.
He closed the door behind me and bid me take a seat in front of his desk.

He sighed heavily as he sat down in his chair behind his desk. "Ahh. Peace
and quiet. Honestly, that woman is great at her job, but does she have to
talk a million miles an hour about absolutely nothing important? Exhausting.
And that's just the walk from the parking lot. Next time I'll pretend I have
a call and wait for her to go in first." I smiled and said nothing. Welcome
to my world, Boss.

"So Jack, how was last week? Get everything taken care of with your family?"

I had decided to tell him a very watered down version of the truth. I'm a
terrible liar - I can't ever keep my story straight. I figured if I sort of
followed the outlines of the truth I could stay out of trouble yet still keep
things fairly private.

"Yeah, I guess so. It was a lot more involved than I expected though."

"Oh, how so? What did you have to do?"

"Well, it turned out that I had a relative on my dad's side that passed away
and left me some stuff. I've never even met this person, so it was totally
unexpected. But the lawyer handling it all said it was legit so there it is."

"Wow, Jack. Big surprise. So, if it's not too personal, do you mind my asking
what did they leave you? You don't have to say if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay. Just please don't tell anyone else here, okay. I don't want
to talk about it." I sighed. Here goes nothing.

"It turns out they left me a house and some money. But it's out in Denver."

"Denver? A house?"

"Yeah, that's where I went. That's why it was so last minute. The lawyer had
a plane ticket for me to go out there to sign all the paperwork but I had to
go then or it wouldn't work, or something like that. Anyway, yeah, so I now
own a house in Denver." He had a very surprised look on his face, but then he
broke into a smile.

"Well, Jack, good for you. Good for you. I can't think of a better guy to
have that kind of good fortune fall on him. I'm really happy for you. So have
you decided what you're going to do with it?" Here it comes - the really hard
part. I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, but this is hard for me to say. I really, really appreciate everything
you've done for me here, Marcus. You and your wife and Fred. I mean, I was so
lost and you gave me this job and helped with the apartment. You keep giving
me raises and I know I don't really deserve them." He started to interrupt
me. "No, no. Please let me finish. What I'm trying to say is no matter what,
I will always be grateful for my time here, and for all that you've taught
me." I was nearly in tears. My heart was breaking even though my mind was
telling me to press on.

"But I've decided that it's time for me to move on from here. I've enjoyed my
job - a lot - and I've learned so much. But we both know there's no career
path here for me. I don't want to be an accountant, much as I would love to
keep working with you. And hey, I mean, I own a house out there. Not too many
24 years olds have a completely paid-for house." I stopped because I had run
out of breath. I couldn't read his face. I decided to be quiet and wait.

He processed it all for a few seconds, then looked straight at me. "Jack,
first of all, you don't have to be afraid I'm going to be upset with you for
leaving. I've known this day would come from the first night I hired you. You
are much too smart and mature to stay in this job forever. To tell you the
truth, I'm surprised you stayed as long as you have. I probably made it too
comfortable for you. But I knew when you were ready, I would lose you. And
I'm cool with that.

"I'm proud of you, Jack. It's a big step, moving across the country like
this. But I agree - you have an opportunity financially with having a house
already waiting for you, and I can understand the appeal for a young man such
as yourself to uproot and try something new somewhere else. Plus I'm sure
Denver is a damn sight more interesting than the Chicago suburbs. Have you
thought about what you will do for work?"

I was blown away by his reaction. Not what I had feared at all. I was really
struggling now not to lose it. This man had been so good to me - I thought he
would be upset I was leaving him in the lurch and instead, he was genuinely
happy for me. Amazing man.

I cleared the lump in my throat. "Yeah, I have actually. I've already lined
up an opportunity to work with a financial services group. They said they
would teach me the ropes, kind of like you did here. It's a chance to go a
little deeper I think and see if I want to pursue that as a career of sorts.
I can always go back to school and pursue an MBA, too. I've thought about
that as an option."

"Good, Jack. Smart move. Never leave yourself out of a job if you can help
it. Well, after working with you for the past two years, I'm sure whoever
gets you on the payroll will be very happy to have you. I know I'm gonna miss
you around here myself." That was the last straw. I could feel the tears drop
on my new blue shirt as I held my head down, embarrassed at my lack of
control. Why do I cry at the good stuff? This man loved me - or at least
really cared for me. I was going to miss him, too.

Thankfully, he said nothing more as I struggled to hold it together. I
finally managed to stop the water works before they got out of hand, and
looked up at him. His eyes were a little red around the rims, too.

"You gonna be okay, Jack?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Thanks for understanding. That was tough to get out." He
smiled, then laughed out loud.

"You thought I would be tough? You still have to run the gauntlet that is
Mary Ricketts."

I groaned. "Oh, don't remind me. I'm dreading it."

"Hey, Jack. It's your life. Tell her just what you want to, and leave the
rest out. She's a good person. Just a little too nosy for her own good
sometimes. But you were right, she can work, I'll give her that. She picked
up the slack with you being gone with no problem."

I stood up to go. "Anything else?" I needed some air.

"Nope, not for now. I suppose we will need to talk about transition and your
replacement, but we can save that for later. I want to think about it for a
bit. I may have some ideas that may make that easier."

"Okay, well I'm gonna get back to my desk then and get receivables going." I
turned to leave.

"Hey, Jack." I turned back around to face him. "I meant what I said. I am
really, really happy for you. I hope everything works out great for you out
there." I nodded and quickly turned and walked out. The tears started again,
so I headed straight for the bathroom to get myself in control.

When I got back to my desk, Mary was waiting to pounce. I had expected this,
and I was ready.

"So, Jack. Welcome back. Looking sharp there today, with the new do and the
new threads. What gives? Somebody you wanna tell me about?" Fat chance,
woman.

"No, Mary. Just needed a haircut and some new shirts. Most of my stuff is
pretty old." Short and simple. Short and simple.

"Well, you're looking good today. I like the new Jack. Very dapper. Makes you
look older, more mature. Good for you."

"Thanks, Mary."

"So, how'd it go last week?" I said nothing. "You know, with the family
stuff?"

"What? Oh, yeah, well it went fine I guess. Not much happened." Just my whole
life was flipped upside down - in a great way. That's all.

"Nothing? No stories to tell, no family drama?" Seriously?

"Nope. Nothing." I replied. But then I decided I might as well tell her I was
leaving. Her feelings would be hurt if she heard from someone else, and we
had worked together closely for over two years. It would affect her, too.

"Look, Mary. There is something I do need to tell you." She perked up at
that. "I've decided that I'm gonna leave here and pursue an opportunity
somewhere else."

Her mouth dropped open. "What? You're leaving? Why? When? What opportunity?"
Now I'd done it. She would fire questions at me until she had exhausted all
angles. I tried to cover it all as fast as I could.

"Well, I have a chance to work with a financial services group doing deeper
level finance stuff. They will train me so I can learn on the job. I already
spoke to Marcus and he's happy for me - says it sounds like a great
opportunity. And besides, Mary, I can't stay here forever. I need to move up
in a career path of some kind. And that won't happen here."

"Hmmpf. You got that right. Nothing much happens here. But hey, I get it.
You're young, energetic, you want the brass ring. I say go for it. Good for
you, Jack. So when are you leaving?" She was happy for me? Didn't expect
that.

"Not sure yet. I just decided to absolutely leave yesterday. Marcus and I
will have to talk about transition. I would assume two weeks though, at
least, unless he has a different plan." I really hoped two weeks would be
enough. Now that I had decided to go, and nobody was mad at me, I wanted to
get on with it.

"That sounds about right. Did he say what he was gonna do about your
position?"

"I don't know what you mean, Mary?"

"You know. Is he gonna find a new office manager or change the position at
all?" She was sounding weird again.

"I really have no idea, Mary. I assumed he would just replace me with someone
to do the same stuff I already do. But he did say he wanted to think about it
a while. Maybe he will change it somehow. You'd have to ask him."

"I just might do that, Jack." With that, the phone rang and she answered it.
Our day was off to a normal fast paced Monday.

At lunchtime, I decided to go out to my car and call Todd Martin. I had a lot
of questions, and I needed to see if he was okay with the money I had spent
over the weekend. I found his card in my wallet and dialed. He answered on
the first ring.

"Jack Schaeffer! How are you, man? Get back to Chicago okay?"

"Yeah, I did. How are you today, Todd?"

"Good, can't complain. What can I do for you, Jack?"

"Well, I think I did a not too smart thing. I went down to the Boeing
headquarters here in Chicago and toured a mockup of the new 747-8 plane. I
know you said that I shouldn't, but I couldn't resist. It was so beautiful
and I hate flying first class, you know. So I put a down payment on one. It
was only 117 million, and you have two years to come up with the remaining
250 million. You were right. They take that Centurion card everywhere. Is
that okay?" I was nearly choking trying not to laugh at my joke.

"Ha ha, Jack. Very funny, you little shit. Now tell me you didn't do that."

"Naw, man. I'm not that stupid. Besides, what could one person do with a
plane that big? But hey, I did spend some money. I helped a couple at the
airport on Friday get seats together on my plane. And I went on a little
shopping trip for myself and got some clothes and an IPad. I hope that's
okay."

"Sure, Jack. Of course. No problem. Unless you spend above a certain
threshold in a calendar day, I don't even get a heads up from the system. The
bills are just paid, no questions asked." Really?

"So what is that threshold?" I asked.

"No way, Jack. I'm not telling you. That's all I need, you spending a shit
load of money just to trip the system so I catch it. I can already see you're
gonna be a pain in my ass, aren't you?" I heard the smile in his voice. I
liked Todd a lot. He and I were going to get along great. Too bad he was
straight. Maybe I could talk to his wife and she would share him once in a
while. Ha! Fat chance of that.

"I'm just asking. It's not like I have anything I really need to buy right
now."

"Well, let's just say that it's in the high six figures and leave it at
that." Holy crap! Did he just say I could spend close to a million dollars in
a day and he wouldn't even be warned about it? I thought I was beyond shock
anymore with the money stuff, but I was wrong.

"Yikes! Okay, well...no worries. Not gonna happen, Todd. But that does answer
one of my questions."

"Oh, what was that?" He asked.

"I want to take a trip to Hawaii, and the place I want to stay is kind of
pricey."

"How pricey is pricey, Jack?"

"Like $2500 a night." I braced for his scream.

"Jack, that's not pricey. Sure, for the average guy, or even the average
upper class guy, that might be steep. But trust me, you can handle that. Go
and have a blast. Enjoy yourself. How long are you planning to stay?"

"I'm not sure. I was thinking a week. I wanna get out of Chicago and get to
some sun and just veg out and think about stuff, ya know?"

"I get it. Sounds wonderful to me, too. Go for it. You need any help making
plans on where to stay and getting there and all that? I'm pretty good with
all the little detailed shit. I'm here to help if you want it." He was
sounding too good to be true.

"I'm good for now. I'll let you know once I've made up my mind what I'm
doing. But there is that other matter we discussed when I was out there. My
student loan?"

"Oh, yeah. Right. You got the numbers for me? I'm ready when you are." I gave
him my current remaining balance - $16,374.22 and the account numbers and
contact information. He assured me he would have it handled before the week
was over. That was easy.

"So Jack, when are you coming back out to Denver? We should talk about some
stuff if you're up for it. Options and things. Plus my wife Margie would love
to meet you." Why, I wondered. I was nobody.

"Well, actually that was the other thing I needed to talk to you about. I've
decided to quit my job and move to Denver in a little while, probably right
after my trip. I really liked it out there, and I think I would like to get a
little more involved in the day to day activities with the trust. That is if
I wouldn't be a bother."

"Not at all, Jack. Are you kidding? It would be great to have you out here,
and I wouldn't mind walking you through everything we've got going on for
you, make sure you're on board with it all. Nothing too deep, just skimming
the surface so you get an idea." I knew I liked this guy. He knows not to
overwhelm me with too much information at one time. Smart man.

"I like the sound of that. Let's do it. Soon as I get back from my vacation."

"Hay, Jack, have you given any thought to where you are gonna stay if you
move to Denver? You know you have a house out here, right?"

"Yeah, I remember seeing that on one of Larry's lists. But I never found out
much about it. Is it nice?" I had no idea about real estate or owning a
house. Way above my previous pay grade.

"Uh, yeah. I would think so. I've never seen it, but it's out in Littleton,
maybe 20 minutes from downtown Denver. Sits on 700 acres on a mountain side.
Sounds pretty nice to me."

Crap! Crap! Crap! I was going from a one bedroom apartment to 700 acres?
Geez, how was I supposed to manage all that? I hated cleaning my little
apartment and that only took an hour. I could feel an anxiety attack
threaten.

"Jack, you there? Jack...where'd you go?" He sounded frantic.

"I'm here. Just give me a minute, okay." I tried to calm my breathing. This
emotional freak out stuff was getting old. "Alright. I can breathe again.
Sorry about that. It's just, I hear numbers like that and it gets
overwhelming real fast for me. I'm trying to get over it."

"Numbers like what, Jack?" He asked, with genuine concern in his tone.

"700 acres, high six figures, crap like that. I mean, I live in a tiny one
bedroom apartment. Now you're talking a house on 700 acres of land. How am I
supposed to take care of that? That's way more than I can handle. I was
thinking it was maybe a nice townhome or a simple single family home in a
subdivision somewhere."

"Nope, none of those. But you know, it's taken care of already by the Smyth
family - Charles and Maggie Smyth. He does all the landscaping and
maintenance and general labor, and she does all the cooking and cleaning and
household management things. So really, there is nothing for you to do. You'd
have live in help. If you want them, that is. According to Larry, they asked
to stay on and keep the place going until the estate got resolved. They've
been doing it for close to twenty years, I think. Phillip Franklin hired them
from a hotel he stayed at a lot. You'd have to ask Larry for more details."

"What if I don't like it? Or I'm not comfortable with live in help? What if
they don't like me or don't want to stay on? Then what?" I asked.

"I'm sure they'll like you, Jack. But, hey, if they don't, then we put the
house and land on the market and we sell it. And we get you a nice condo in
the city. Or whatever you want, Jack. You can live wherever and however you
want to, you know that right?" He was being gentle with me, which I
appreciated it. I needed that. I would get over being a ninny about the
money, eventually. I hoped I would, anyway.

"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to at least visit it and see what it's like.
I mean Phillip and Amanda loved it, I understand. So maybe it's great. I'll
check it out when I get to Denver later."

"Sounds good, Jack. Hey, why don't you give me the name of the place in
Hawaii you were interested in renting and let me see what I can find out for
you? Once you know when and if it's available, we can talk about flights and
rental cars and stuff." That would actually be a relief, as I had struggled
to figure out availability online when I was surfing yesterday. Maybe Todd
could call them directly or something. So I gave him the info.

"Alright, Jack. I'll get on this right away and let you know what I find out.
By the way, check out your bank balance today. I transferred some money to
you this morning. Gotta run. Bye." He hung up, leaving me staring at my
phone. What had he done?

My empty stomach pre-empted any further money business. I buzzed over to
Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch and got wings with my favorite flavors -
chipotle dry rub and spicy barbeque, 6 of each. I washed them down with a
large Diet Coke, and then used the wet napkin things they have on the table
to try to get the sticky sauce off my fingers. I finally gave up and hit the
bathroom to wash up.

I was standing in front of the mirror, soaping my hands, when a guy maybe a
few years older than me clearly leaned backwards from the urinal behind me
and scoped out my ass. I mean he looked right at it for several seconds, then
looked up at my face in the mirror and smiled. No mistaking his interest. I
smiled back, letting him know I appreciated his attention. He lifted an
eyebrow as if to ask, "Interested in getting to know one another a little
better?" But in a split second I realized I had just decided to leave
Chicago. What sense did it make to get involved with this guy, hot as he was,
when I couldn't really have a relationship with him? Sure, the sex might be
epic, but my heart would just get broken in the end.

So I dried my hands and when he walked up to the sink, I said, "Thanks for
thinking nice things about me. But I can't pursue anything right now. I hope
you understand."

"Sure, no problem. But kid, you got one hell of an ass on you. Be careful
with that thing. Somebody might get hurt. Wish it could have been me."

We smiled big at each other and I got out of there before I changed my mind.
As it was I mentally kicked myself all the way to the car. There was a part
of me that wondered if I was upsetting some kind of sex gods by always
turning down opportunities, holding out for true love. Maybe I would never
find love, and then I'd be too old or too whatever to draw any interest from
guys anymore.

I made it back to the office within my allotted one hour break time. Mary was
still out on her lunch, so I secretly logged into my bank online, something I
had learned how to do over the weekend, and almost fell out of my chair when
I saw the balance. It should have been less than $1,500. Instead, the screen
showed I had a little over $200,000 dollars in my checking account. Holy
crap! That Todd was totally messing with my head again.

I was still staring open mouthed at the screen when Mary walked in from her
lunch. I snapped out of it and shut down the web browser on the accounting
computer. No way could I let her see that!

Thankfully we both had busy afternoons and nothing more was said about my
impending departure until close to quitting time. Marcus called me into his
office and asked me to shut the door. "Jack, have a seat. This won't take
long. I'm sure you want to get out of here." He didn't know the half of it. I
could feel Mary readying herself for round two of the inquisition, and I had
said all I wanted to.

"I've been thinking about you leaving, Jack, and I have an idea I want to run
by you. I'm thinking of splitting your position into two. As you know, I have
been wanting a certified accountant on staff for a long time. Our numbers are
looking up and we have a lot more transactions and such to manage, plus my
time is being taken up with more strategic planning and the financial
management stuff is getting short changed. So here's my idea. I'll hire an
accountant to do all the bookkeeping part of your job, which I'm estimating
is like 75 percent of what you do for us, correct?" I nodded. That sounded
about right to me.

"The rest I'll merge into what Mary is already doing. The combined position
will be titled Office Manager, and I'm thinking of offering that to Mary.
She's proven she can handle the work load, and I can probably swing a raise
for her with the new responsibilities.

"Bottom line, Jack. You won't have to interview or train your replacement.
What do you think?" He asked.

"I think that sounds brilliant. Mary will be very happy. She hinted around
this morning that she might want a piece of my job. It's perfect. I know she
could use the money. And if you can keep her busier, she won't have as much
time to be a busybody." I smiled. I really liked his idea. Everybody wins. I
was feeling much better about my decision to leave.

"Great. My thoughts exactly. Now, have you given any thought to how long you
want to stay on?" I hadn't.

"Actually, no. I still have a lot to do to make the move happen. My
apartment, I have to figure that out. I'm thinking of selling my car and
getting something else out there. Not sure how much stuff I'll move either.
Most of it isn't worth a lot. I don't really know how long all that will
take."

"Alright. Well, for now, we'll proceed with this plan, and you keep me posted
with your progress on things. And if you need to take time during the day to
handle some of that, feel free Jack. Just keep payroll going, please. That's
all I ask." He was smiling is mock horror at the thought of payroll not being
done by Friday.

"Go on, Jack. Go home. Have a great evening. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night," I said, and then made my exit. Thankfully Mary had already left for
the day.

The next couple of days passed pretty normally. Marcus had told Mary his plan
to have her assume the full Office Manager role, and she was ecstatic. She
insisted on doing as much of it now as she possibly could so the transition
would happen quicker. I think she just wanted her raise faster, but I didn't
blame her. And she caught on quick to things. In just two days she had pretty
much mastered everything non-accounting related that I did.

Which was nice, because I had a lot to do in that arena. Marcus was right,
our sales had picked up and we were moving a lot more accounting transactions
- purchase orders, vendor invoices, sales orders, sales invoices, etc. It all
added to my work load. I didn't mind really. Being busy made the time move
faster.

On Thursday morning, Todd called to say he had some information about my
Hawaii trip. I said I'd call him back at lunchtime - I didn't need Mary
snooping and hearing about a big expensive vacation. That would set her off
with no mercy.

When I got to him, he was full of news.

"Jack, I called the place you wanted to stay near that town, Kailua Beach.
The family that owns it is willing to rent it to you, but they only have a
three week window open starting a week from this Saturday, and you have to
rent it for the full three weeks. You can't break it up. But if you take it,
I negotiated a much better nightly rate of $1,500."

"Wow, Todd. That's huge. How did you do that?"

"I just pointed out that requiring a three week rental when you only wanted
one was a difficult burden so they needed to meet me half way. I knew they
wanted to rent it. They don't have anybody waiting on such short notice to
snap it up, so it's yours if you want it."

"Yeah, I want it. Can I really stay for three weeks?"

"Yep, if that's what you want to do. You can make it kind of a home base, and
then if you get bored, you could branch out and see other islands on day
trips, or even some over nights. You can see a lot of the Islands if you give
yourself three weeks."

"Okay, I'll do it. I think I can get away from here by then. But how will I
get there? Did you work on that, too?" I knew the answer as soon as the
question came out of my mouth.

"Of course, Jack. It's what I do for you. I have a reservation for a non-stop
flight leaving a week from Saturday at about 10 am and gets you in to
Honolulu a little after 2 pm. I'll have a rental car ready for you, and
directions to the property management agent who will accompany you to the
house and help you figure out where everything is and how it all works. If
you want me to set up some kind of butler service at the house, for cooking
and cleaning, I can do that too."

"No, no. You've done plenty. Wow, Todd. Do you always think of everything?"

"Yeah, pretty much. It's what I do. I enjoy it, what can I say?"

"Well I'm gonna say thank you, thank you, for doing all that for me. I can
hardly wait to go."

"You'll have a great time, Jack. It sounds like an awesome place to hide out
for a vacation. Oh, by the way, I got confirmation back from the lender. Your
student loan has official been discharged, paid in full. You should receive a
letter stating that on official letterhead in about two weeks."

"That's awesome, Todd. Thank you again. But, that reminds me. If I'm leaving
here in a week, what do I do about my mail? I mean, I won't be here to get it
anymore."

"Go down to the post office and they will give you a forwarding address form.
You can have it forwarded to the address we set up for your trust. We do that
for every private trust so any correspondence has an official address to come
to. Gotta a pen?" Todd gave me the address, which I wrote down. I would stop
on the way home tonight and take care of that. He made everything so easy. I
hoped he was getting paid handsomely. He certainly deserved it from my
perspective.

We ended our call at that point as I needed to get back to work. My mind
started racing to all the things I still needed to accomplish before I could
leave Chicago. My apartment needed to be sublet - I had three months left on
it. And I needed to sell my car. I didn't want to drive it to Denver. I had
no idea how I was going to do either of those two things in a week's time.

That night I left a little early and detoured to the nearest Post Office. I
found the yellow cards that Todd told me about to have my mail permanently
forwarded, and I filled that out. As I was walking up to the counter to give
it to the clerk, I saw a sign advertising Passport applications. I wanted
one.

When it was my turn, I handed over the yellow mail forwarding card, and then
asked for a passport application. She pointed me at a side door off the lobby
and told me to knock on that and someone would help me. I followed her
instructions, and sure enough, 15 minutes later I had a passport photo taken,
my application filled out, and the fee paid. I used the Denver address. I
also paid for express processing - I wasn't sure just how soon I may need it.

Friday morning I arrived at work early so I could get a jump on the day. I
was in the kitchenette getting some water when Alex Newton, our newest junior
salesman walked in, visibly upset. He had been crying, I was sure, but I
wasn't going to say anything. He got some coffee, and was stirring his cream
into the cup with a ferocious circling over the brown liquid.

"Can I ask you something, Jack?" He asked.

"Sure, Alex, what's up?" I replied.

"How is that one minute a woman can tell you that she wants to be with you
for the rest of her life, and then like a week later, tells you she thinks
she's made a mistake? I don't get it?" Oh crap, girl trouble. I'm so not the
right guy for this. Help!

"Well, Alex, what's going on?" I figured I could stall by asking for more
information, and then maybe one of the other sales guys could rescue me with
some real advice for him.

"My girlfriend, Rose, and I just moved in together a few weeks ago. Actually
I moved into her place. My lease was up at the beginning of this month, so it
made the most sense. And I was great with it. Looking forward to living with
her. I mean, I'm thinking this is the girl I'm gonna be marrying soon. It was
serious.

Then, I get home last night and she's sitting on the couch with this upset
look on her face and I can tell somethin's up. So I ask, and she tells me
that she's really, really sorry. She doesn't want to hurt me, but she just
isn't comfortable with us living together unmarried. I mean like, you didn't
know that before I gave up my apartment? Now I have nowhere to live. Fuck!"
His coffee splashed a little on the table as he smashed the cup down on the
counter. He was getting very upset. I needed to get him calmed down. I kept
looking, but no cavalry on the horizon to rescue me.

"Alex, calm down and come sit down over here." We moved to one of the two
tables in the kitchen. "So what happened next? I assumed you moved out?"

"Yeah, I packed up my clothes and shit and split. I was too mad to talk so
thankfully she got out of there while I did that. I'm sleeping on a buddy's
couch until I can find a place to stay. All my stuff's in my car. Damn it,
man. I love her. Why did she have to flake on me like this?"

"Did she say she wanted to break off the relationship?" I asked. Scary
question, but it popped out. But it stopped him, and he sat there and thought
about it.

"You know, she never said that. She just said she didn't want to live
together until she was married. When she told me she needed me to move out, I
freaked a little and she took off, so no, we never discussed it beyond that."

"So Alex, what your saying is that Rose may want to still be with you, just
not live with you. So you have some choices to make. If it's not a deal
breaker, find a place to live in the short term, ask her to marry you, and
start making wedding plans. The faster you get her down the aisle, the faster
you get to live with her again."

"Damn, Jack. How'd you get to be so smart about women? That's good advice."
Oh, Alex, you have no idea how little I understand women. Or men, for that
matter.

"I'm gonna call her right now, see if she'll talk to me. Thanks, Jack. Hey,
you don't have any other miracles up your sleeves, like an apartment I can
rent quick, do ya?" And that's how my apartment got sublet in record time.

My Tumi luggage was delivered on Saturday morning right after I finished
laundry and cleaning, and I spent half the day admiring it, playing with the
zippers and loading and unloading my toiletries in the Dopp kit. I liked my
new toys, and I was looking forward to using them for real in a week's time.

I had decided to leave everything but my clothes in the apartment for Alex.
He had nothing, and there was no telling how long he might be there. I had no
use for any of it, and it made me feel good that someone would be blessed to
have it. I was giving back, like Laura Thompson, Marcus's wife, had
encouraged me to do. I was sure she would approve.

I still had to figure out my car, but I had an idea about that, too. I needed
to speak to Mary on Monday to see if my idea would work.

My final week in Chicago flew by. Marcus had hired Andrea Paulson, a very
intelligent woman in her 40s with a knack for accounting systems, to replace
me. She was nice, diligent, and best of all, she didn't require nor really
want any training from me. In fact, I learned a thing or two from her that
week about managing Accounts Payable that might have saved me many hours
every month doing the books. Marcus loved her.

The other person that loved her was Mary. She and Andrea got along from day
one like they were best friends. They were roughly the same age, and
apparently they had a lot in common in terms of personality and family issues
and other stuff that I didn't pay much attention to. I just know that the two
of them would many times a day be cracking up at some joke or another. I
think everyone in the office was relieved that Mary had someone to talk to
keep her occupied and not nosing into anyone else's business.

I showed Andrea how we did payroll - how the calculations were done and how
we uploaded the data to the payroll service. I showed her how to add herself
as a new employee and how to figure the payroll tax settings and other admin
things. We got the file sent off on schedule and Marcus breathed a noticeable
sigh of relief. I think at that point I could have quietly slipped out the
door and he would have been okay with that.

On Wednesday, I approached Mary with my idea for my car. I hoped she didn't
think I was meddling in her family squabbles.

"Mary, I have question." I started.

"Sure, Jack. What is it?" She replied.

"Your son Stewart runs an auto mechanics school in Addison, correct?" She did
not speak to her son very often. He was apparently still angry with her for
something she did many years ago, which she had never divulged.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure he still does. It's a decent size school, too. It's my
understanding nearly all the students are sought after by the better car
dealerships in the area." Still a proud mama, even if the relationship was on
the rocks.

"Well, Mary. I have my car that I need to get rid of. I was thinking of
donating it to Stewart for use in his school."

"Jack, you can't do that. You need the money, I'm sure. Can't you just sell
it outright?"

"The thing is, it's a used car and it's not worth very much. I'm leaving in
three days and I really just want to settle it now. It seemed like a good
idea, but if you think he wouldn't want it then I'll think of something
else."

What I was really trying to do was to get her to call him on the pretext of
me gifting the car, and maybe that would spark a conversation that could lead
to some healing of the rift. I really did care for Mary, despite how hard she
made that at times. And I suspected that her stubbornness and pride was the
real roadblock to Stewart relating to her again.

"No, no, Jack. Don't do that. If you really want to donate it, I suppose I
can call him and see if he wants it. When do you need to know?" Yes! She had
taken the bait.

"The sooner the better, Mary. It's the last big thing I have left to cross
off my 'Leaving Chicago' list."

"Fine, I'll call him at lunch time." Then the phone rang and she was on task
again. I really hoped he said yes. My plan was to leave the car there at work
and she would have to give him the paperwork personally. It was all I could
do. I hoped it worked.

Alex came up to me as I was putting on my jacket to go to lunch. "Hey, Jack.
Wait up a minute."

"What's up, Alex?" I asked.

"Listen, I was wondering. I know that you're leaving Saturday morning and you
said I could move in after that. Would it be possible to move my stuff in on
Friday after work instead? My buddy is having a big blow out party on Friday
and I really have nowhere to go. I'm sorry to ask - I really appreciate all
that you've already done for me." He was looking like a lost puppy, pathetic
and cute and cuddly.

"Well, Alex, it's only one bedroom and I only have the one bed. You'll have
to sleep on the floor for one night. Are you cool with that?"

"Sure, sure. No problem, Jack. I got the floor. No big deal. Thanks man, I
owe you one."

"Oh, Alex. I almost forgot. I have to go to a farewell dinner at some
friends' house on Friday, so I won't be home until after that. I can give you
a key on Friday and you can let yourself in. You know where everything is,
right?" He had come over on Monday after work to check it out and sign the
sub lease agreement with the management company running the place. He was
thrilled with the apartment, especially when I told him I was leaving all my
stuff for him. He nearly cried, but saved himself at the last second. It was
touching.

After I got back from lunch, the phones went a little crazy. We had
introduced an improved version of one of our systems a few weeks ago, and
suddenly we had orders coming in at a pretty good clip. I was happy for
Marcus. He worked hard to make the company a success, as did everybody else.
Mary fielded the phones and transferred calls to various sales guys and I
typed up orders as fast as they could write them. Even Alex, who was really
very new, had two sales that day. He was on cloud nine. His commission on
those two units would pay the rent for a month on the apartment. I was happy,
too.

When things finally died down around 4:30, I asked Mary if she had had a
chance to call Stewart at lunch. She had.

"Well, did he go for it? Can he use the car?" I asked.

"Yes. He wants it. Said it would be a big help. He's been looking to expand
his schedule of class offerings but hasn't been able to for lack of resources
for equipment and cars to work on. He's actually pretty excited about it,
Jack. Told me to tell you thank you very much." That sounded like it went
well, but she had a funny look on her face.

"Mary, are you alright? You don't look happy. I thought you would feel good
about helping Stewart with his business."

"Oh I do, Jack. I do. It was a really nice thing for you to do, and I
appreciate it, too. It's just that...he said something to me...on the phone
today...that kind of upset me." She looked like she could cry any second. Oh
boy. Now I'd stepped in it.

"What'd he say, Mary? Are you gonna be okay?" She reached for a tissue just
as the first tears fell.

"Damn it, Jack. He told me he missed me. That he had so much that he wished
he could tell me about his life, his school, he's met someone he thinks is
the one. Oh, Jack. I've been such a fool. I don't even remember why I've been
so mad at him. Do you think he could ever forgive me and give me another
chance? I do miss him. So much. I didn't realize how much until I heard his
voice." Now the tears were free flowing, with frequent nose blowing as well.

"Mary, I think that's great. Yes, he'll forgive you. Sounds like he already
has. He made the first invitation. Go see him. Let him tell you everything
and let him be excited like a little kid. And whatever you do, Mary Ricketts,
don't go judging his decisions and questioning his plans. He's doing fine
without all that from you. Oh, Mary, this turned out better than I ever
hoped."

"What? What do you mean by that, Jack? What did you hope?" Oops! My big mouth
strikes again.

"Oh Mary, nothing really. I just knew that you really missed him. I can tell
every time he comes up in conversation, you get this far away look in your
eye like you're remembering some good time with him and wishing it could be
that way again. I hoped that if you would call him about my car, maybe it
would spark a conversation and you guys could move past whatever pain there
was from the past. And it looks like it worked." I was smiling, genuinely
happy for her and her son.

"Oh, Jack. You did this on purpose? It wasn't just about the car? Damn it,
Jack, now you've got me crying again." She was smiling through happy tears
now, looking at me like I was someone special or something. I wasn't. I just
can't stand it when people refuse to get along, especially when they don't
even know why any more.

Mary blew her nose and got herself in reasonable order. We decided to call it
a night. As we were walking out to the cars, she stopped me with a hand on my
arm. "Jack, I'm really gonna miss you, you know that right? You are a really
special guy, and it's been a privilege to work alongside you all these years.
I hope that you get everything you ever wanted out of life. You deserve it,
Jack Schaeffer."

She turned quickly and walked to her car. I think she was trying not to cry
again. I didn't even try to fight my own tears. I just let them fall as I
started my car to head home. I was going to miss her, too.

Friday morning came. It was my last full day in Chicago, and I was a mixture
of happy and sad all day. One minute I was near tears thinking about the
people I worked with and that I wouldn't see anymore, and the next, I was
antsy to get going with me new life. I had spent the last two nights packing
and repacking everything I was keeping - which was really only my new
clothes, some papers, and my IPad. Oh, and my supply of shampoos and
conditioners. Can't forget those, Saint Nick would kill me.

Which set off another round of a sadness as I realized I would likely never
see him again either. Finally found somebody to cut my hair and make me look
good and I was leaving. I hoped I could find someone as equally talented in
Denver. My fear was that I would end up looking like some wild mountain man.

Around 4, I was summoned to the break room, where everyone was assembled.
They had gotten me a white frosted cake and decorated it with "Good Luck,
Jack!" emblazoned in purple piping. It was the gayest looking cake, and I
loved it anyway. There was some good natured back slapping and thank yous all
around, and then after everyone had a piece of cake and some coffee, Marcus
called it a day and sent everybody home. He didn't say much then - I was
going to dinner at his house later.

I hugged Mary at the door and she held on for a few seconds, as if she was
trying to absorb the memory of me or something. When she let go and stepped
back her eyes were glistening.

"Now Mary, remember. I will put the title and the bill of sale and the keys
to the car in your desk tomorrow morning and leave the car in the lot here.
You let Stewart know so he can come pick it up."

"I got it, Jack. He's going to do that tomorrow afternoon, then he's coming
over to take me to dinner. Just him and me. I can hardly wait, Jack. It's
been years. I hope I don't screw it up."

"You won't, Mary. You'll do fine. Just remember you love him. I'm so happy
for you guys. Take care, Mary."

"You too, Jack. Bye." And she was gone.

I gave Alex my spare apartment key as he was walking out a couple of minutes
later. He was all giddy with excitement at being in his new place. I was
starting to feel like a squatter in my own apartment. Oh well, it was only
for one more night. Then I was off to sunshine and paradise.

Dinner that night was to be a family affair - just the Thompsons and me.
Marcus has said Laura was fixing my favorite recipe of hers - a Mexican
inspired casserole of meats, cheeses, and peppers that was out of this world.
I had no idea what she called it. I just called it delicious.

I got there about six, and Fred greeted me at the door. I hadn't seen him
since I got back from Denver, so he did a double take when he saw me.

"Damn, dude! What did you do to your hair?"

"What? Does it look bad?" I immediately started flailing at it with my hands.

"No, no, dude. It looks great. It's just a shock. I mean, you took the time
to get it done right. Looks amazing on you. Should've done that a lot sooner.
Well come on in. The rents are waitin' dinner on us." He led me to the
kitchen table.

The smells in there were divine. In addition to the casserole, Laura had
spread the table with fresh tomatoes, chopped onions, jalapeno peppers,
cheeses, guacamole, three kinds of salsa, and several bowls of chips. It was
a feast! We gorged ourselves on great food and lasting memories. Laura told
the story of how she helped set up my apartment way back at the beginning and
I nearly cried when she looked at me across the table. I think she did,
because she jumped up and said, "Damn onions. Excuse me." She went running
off to the bathroom dabbing her eyes with her napkin.

Over the years I had been in Chicago, I had shared many meals with the
Thompson family around that table. They had remained true to their word that
I would always be welcome in their home. They really were my Chicago family.
I wished I had appreciated them even more than I did. It was bittersweet to
be leaving them now.

After dinner, Fred and I cleaned up the kitchen so Marcus and Laura could
relax a little. She had worked very hard to put that meal together. As we did
the dishes, Fred was goofing off snapping his dish towel at my ass, and I was
laughing hysterically trying to dodge his attempts. He got me once on the
thigh and it stung like fire. "Ow, you jerk. That hurt. You wait, I'll get
you back for that."

He took off running and I ran after him, swinging my own wet dishrag,
whooping and hollering like were six years old. It was a riot. I cornered him
in the hallway and popped him a good one, and we called a truce. We were both
breathing hard.

Kitchen cleaned, Fred and I headed to the basement, our usual hangout. We
fired up the Playstation and started a game of Combat. I am not good at video
games, which is why Fred always wants to play them with me. He knows he has a
better than 90% chance of annihilating me in the early rounds. Tonight was no
exception. I didn't care. I liked hanging out with Fred, doing nothing. He
made it easy. No pressure.

"So you're really gonna do this? Move to Denver?" he said, as he sat back and
threw his controller on the couch next to him.

"Yep. All packed and ready to go. Leave tomorrow morning."

"I'm gonna miss you, Jack. You know that don't you?" He looked a little sad.

"Yeah, I do, Fred. I feel the same way. It's been great to be here and hang
out with you, and the other guys on occasion. I'm gonna miss that. I have to
start all over out there." Now I was getting a little sad. Crap! Goodbyes
were hard.

Fred leaned forward and looked hard at me sitting my chair across from him.
"Jack, I need to say something to you. Please don't be mad at me, but I want
you to know that I hope you find a great guy in Denver and that you are the
happiest guy on the planet."

I dropped my controller on the floor and sat there with my mouth hanging
open. Anxiety and fear rose up along with a flood of bile and Mexican food. I
don't know how I willed myself not to throw up, but I did. I was shaking, in
near panic mode.

"Fred...I don't know...I mean how...you know? About me?" I was in shock. My big
secret was laying there out in the open. He just said it, like we were
talking about the weather or something.

"Relax, Jack. Take it easy. And breathe, man. You're kinda freaking me out
now." I did as he said and worked really hard to control my breathing. I was
getting better at recovery at least. I didn't know what to say, how to
respond. I was floundering mentally and emotionally. How could he know?

"Jack, listen. I've known for a long time. Probably while we were still in
college, but definitely since you moved to Chicago. It's no big deal, not to
me anyway. It never changed anything."

"But how? I mean, I was so careful. I never wanted you to know or make you
uncomfortable. I mean, geez, Fred, why didn't you ever say something sooner?"

"It wasn't my place, Jack. It's really none of my business. Except I wanted
you to be happy and I knew you really weren't. We'd go out with the guys and
they'd be cuttin' up, talking trash about the ladies and just bein' guys, and
you'd be sittin' there like you were lost in the woods. To your credit, you
hid it really, really well, Jack. Nobody else caught on, that I know of.
Which is surprising, seein' as how you have never once dated anyone or ever
even talked about a girl." Or a guy, either.

My head was still reeling, and I sat there rubbing my hands over and over
through my hair. What do I do know? What do I say to him?

"Jack, dude. Relax. It's okay. I didn't say it to upset you. I'm sorry if it
did. Really. I just wanted you to know that I get it. I know what it's like
to want to have somebody for yourself and watch everybody around you get it
and you're left out in the cold. I want you to have what you want, Jack, and
if that's a hot dude, then go for it, man."

"Fred, I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry, I guess? I didn't mean to
deceive you. I was just scared, ya know? I had no idea how anybody would
react if they knew. I just expected the worst. And I had no other friends,
Fred. Not after college. You and your family are all I have here. I couldn't
take a chance on losing you. And here you knew all the time. Crap, I'm such
an idiot."

"Jack, don't be so hard on yourself. Yeah, you should have told me. I could
have fixed you up with at least three guys I know from work. One of them is
this creative type in the marketing department. Jack, I'm tellin' ya, if I
swung for your side I'd make a run at this guy. Hot stuff. He intimidates all
the other straight guys at the office. And the ladies flock to him, even
though they know he's gay. It's like he's a magnet or something. Lucky
fucker."

"Well, it's just as well I guess, since I'm leavin' tomorrow." Another missed
opportunity. They were piling up in my wake.

"Tell me something, Jack. I'm curious. But only if you want to, okay?" He was
being very careful of my feelings now. I think I freaked him out a bit.

"Okay, Fred. What do you want to know?" I was scared to ask, but I felt like
I owed him for covering for me all this time.

"What's it like to be with a guy? I mean, I don't get it. I don't see the
attraction. I see a naked guy at the gym, I hardly notice." He really wanted
to know. Problem is, I had no idea.

"Fred, I would tell you, honestly, but the truth is, I don't know yet. I've
never actually had sex with a guy before." I can't believe I told him I was a
virgin. But what did I have to lose now?

"Seriously? You're 24, and you've never gotten laid? Not even with a girl?"

"Ewwww. No. Never. I feel about girls the same way you feel about guys. A
naked woman does nothing for me. Not interested. Now, I see a naked guy in a
locker room and I'm gonna be trying desperately not to pop a boner. High
school gym class was a nightmare."

He was smiling at me. "Really? I bet that would be tough. Plus I'm sure there
were plenty of assholes ready to pound you if it happened, right?"

"Probably. That's why I made sure it never happened. I took multiple music
classes so I could get out of gym class for that reason."

"So Jack, if you aren't having sex with anybody, how do you...uh...well, you
know...get relief?" He was serious. I laughed.

"The same way you do, dickhead. I jack off. A lot!" We both burst out
laughing.

"Yeah, I hear ya, Jack. Some nights my hand aches a little. The thing is, I
don't just want to get laid anymore for the sake of it. I want the real deal.
Would it shock you if I told you I'm thinkin' of calling Allison to see if
she'll go out with me again? I heard she was back in the area."

"Fred, are you kidding me? That would be awesome. I never understood why you
two didn't get married right after college. You obviously loved her."

"Yeah, I did. But I screwed it up. I started pressuring her for sex. And she
really wanted to wait. I got so frustrated I gave up on her. Really, really
stupid. I hurt her pretty bad. I only hope I can somehow convince her I've
changed and that I'm willing to wait as long as it takes."

"Wow, Fred. That's a big step. I hope it works out for you. You two would be
great together."

"So Jack, last question. How come you never made a pass at me? Am I not sexy
enough for you?" Crap! I knew this question was coming. It's just how he is.

"Fred, you are plenty hot for a guy, I promise. And if I didn't know you, and
I wasn't scared of my own shadow, and I met you somewhere, I would at least
try to flirt with you. If you were open to that, maybe - and it's a big maybe
- then I might be willing to explore further. I never have yet, but yeah,
Fred, you're hot enough. The thing is, Fred, once I know a guy, and I know
he's straight, he ceases to be an option for me. I'm not interested in trying
to change someone or make them feel uncomfortable. You are as straight as
they come, and I've known that since I met you. So it was never an issue
between us. We're friends. Period."

"Okay, that's cool. I get it. And we are friends, Jack. I hope forever. Of
all the guys I met in college, and even at work, I trust you the most. You're
that guy I know I can talk to about anything. And I may be wrong, but I think
you'd be there for me if I needed you. I know I would do the same for you."

"Fred, thank you. And yes, I've got your back. No matter where I am. So let's
try real hard to keep in touch, okay. I know we might not, but I hope we do."

We stood up then, everything that needed to be said had been said. We hugged
it out like brothers and then I went upstairs to say goodbye to his parents.

Marcus and Laura walked me to the foyer. She tried to give me leftover
Mexican casserole, and ordinarily I would have jumped at it. But I had no
place to put it now. I couldn't very well take it on the plane with me. We
hugged one another, and there were a few tears, even from Marcus. These were
very special people to me. I may be leaving Chicago, but I was determined
that I was not leaving their lives for good. They were too important to throw
away.

I got out of there feeling emotionally wrung out and exhausted. Fred's
revelation that he knew I was gay had rocked me. I was filled with regret for
having hid behind the mask for so long. What had I missed out on? Would I be
leaving Chicago if I had instead chosen to live as the gay man that I am, out
in the open. No way to know, but I decided right then and there, no matter
how hard it might be, I was not going to make that same mistake in Denver. I
probably wouldn't be dancing on table tops, belting out show tunes in a
feather boa, but I was going to be me - and my version of a gay man. I hoped
I could handle that. Do it afraid, Jack. Do it afraid.

I got home a little after 10 and Alex was sitting on the floor in the
bedroom, listening to his IPod with headphones, so he didn't hear me come in.
He jumped a foot when he looked up and saw me staring at him from the bedroom
doorway.

"Jack, you're home!" he exclaimed, yanking the ear buds in a single pull.
"How was your dinner?"

"Fine. I see you got in okay. Find a place for your stuff for now?"

"Yeah. I just have my suitcase here in the corner for now. I wasn't sure what
all you still had to pack or whatever. I can do my unpacking tomorrow. I just
needed a place to crash for tonight."

"Speaking of which, where are we going to put you tonight?" He was sitting on
a pallet of sheets and blankets, which I knew were not mine.

"I thought if it was cool with you, I'd just sleep in here on the floor. I
have my own blankets and shit, so is that okay with you?" It was.

"Sure, Alex, no problem. I'm gonna get ready for bed. I'm beat. I'll be out
of the bathroom in 15."

With that, I went in there and did my usual evening prep for bed. All my
toiletries were packed in my Dopp kit, so it was sort of like I was in a
hotel now, not really my apartment. I finished up and started to step out the
door when I realized I was naked. Force of habit. I fished around on the
floor where I had thrown my dirty clothes and put my underwear back on. I
figured that would be okay. I didn't have pajamas or sweats. And all my gym
shorts were packed.

I got back into the bedroom just as Alex was undressing over by his suitcase.
His shirt came off and I was struck by all the muscles in his back. They were
rippling as he moved about. He shucked his jeans, and his ass popped out,
naked and hard. Obviously Alex went commando. Interesting. And hot. My dick
was starting to rise. This could go nowhere. Get a grip, Jack.

Then he bent over to get his toothbrush and toothpaste, and I had to put my
hand over my mouth to stifle a squeal. I could see his puckered hole just
winking at me while he rifled through his suitcase. I was starting to sweat,
and my dick was now rock hard. I sat down on the bed and tried to cover it up
with the comforter.

Just then he found the missing toothpaste, grabbed a towel from another pile,
and then turned to head to the bathroom. As he walked in front of me past the
foot of the bed, I saw his cock in full profile. Had to be 6 inches hanging
soft, not too thick, but topped with a dense patch of dark black hair that
spread out up his torso and then across his chest. This was a hairy guy. He
had that swarthy, olive skinned Mediterranean look about him. Very sexy. Rose
was a very foolish girl if she let this man get away.

I heard the shower start, so I did what I needed to do. I ripped my underwear
down, and started stroking hard and fast. With the visual I had just feasted
on, it took less than two minutes before my cum was hitting me in the chin
and spreading down my chest and finally emptying on my pubes. I sat there,
trying to catch my breath and enjoying the after effects of a great orgasm.

I heard the water shut off, so I quickly cleaned myself up with my dirty
towel and hoped that the room didn't reek of cum. There was no way I could
have slept in that room that night if I hadn't done that.

Alex finally came out of the bathroom, still naked, still gorgeous, still
making my dick swell.

"Are you okay if I sleep naked, Jack? I don't really have any thing I wear to
bed."

"Whatever floats your boat, Alex. Good night. I'll try not to wake you in the
morning."

"No worries, Jack. I'll want to say goodbye anyway."

He settled face down on his pallet on the floor, and I reluctantly turned out
the light. I couldn't see him anymore, but I knew that there was an
incredibly hot naked man a few feet away. I almost had to go into the
bathroom and beat off again, but I finally managed to fall asleep.

The next morning I woke up with a raging hardon - nothing unusual - and a
roommate laying on his pallet beside my bed, also with a raging hardon - very
unusual. It was beautiful. Not much bigger than it was soft, maybe slightly
longer, a little thicker. But a whole lot harder.

He may have sensed me staring at him because he woke up. At first he was a
little disoriented, waking up in a strange place. But then he looked down at
his hard cock and that seemed to center him somehow. I understood that. He
then looked at me.

"Morning, Jack. I see we both have the same problem this morning." He was
smiling, and pointing at my crotch. I hadn't noticed the comforter was no
longer covering me, and my hard cock was clearly evident in my underwear. I
blushed all over.

He got up and headed right past me, his hard cock leading the way, straight
into the bathroom. I heard him pissing in the toilet, and then he popped
right back into the room, now somewhat less hard, scratching his belly and
chest absentmindedly.

"I didn't flush since I figured you needed to do the same thing. Saves water
that way." He smiled and bent over to find some clothes to put on. There was
his asshole, pink and shiny, staring at me. This guy was totally not self-
conscious at all. I had to get out of there quick before I made a total fool
of myself with him.

I hobbled to the bathroom and shut the door. It took a while, but I was
finally able to get my dick down enough to pee. I flushed, then started the
shower. I jacked off again under the hot water, hoping that would help keep
my mind off of Alex's body long enough to get dressed and get out of there
without causing real trouble.

Now back in some semblance of self-control, I completed my morning grooming
and repacked all my toiletries into my travel Dopp kit. I put on a clean pair
of underwear and hung up the dirty towels - I was leaving those for Alex.

I went back out into the bedroom, where Alex was now sitting on the floor,
fully dressed in jeans and a dark t-shirt, listening to his music. He looked
up at me and smiled, then went back to listening. Trying to not be self-
conscious myself, I got dressed and repacked my dirty clothes from yesterday.
I was all set.

When he saw me start to drag the suitcases down the hallway towards the front
door, Alex got up and grabbed the last one and brought it to me. I had the
large bag, the medium bag, and my brief case. The Dopp kit I put in the large
bag. There was nothing left to do but say goodbye.

"Well, Alex, this is it. The apartment is all yours now. I hope everything
goes well for you here, and you work things out with Rose."

"Already working on it. Oh, Jack. Wait one sec. I almost forgot." He trotted
back to the bedroom and came back a few seconds later carrying a personal
check.

"Here, Jack. I figured I'd just give you this now so you didn't have to be
worried about whether I was gonna pay up or not." He handed it to me with a
proud smile. It was a check for the full amount of his 3 month sublease. "I
had four really good sales this week, so between the commissions off of those
and some savings, I had the full nut."

"Alex, that wasn't necessary, but thank you. I appreciate it." I didn't tell
him but I had prepaid the remainder of the lease already, myself, so there
would be no issues with him having the apartment for the next three months.
After that, he could start his own lease if he wanted to stay. I folded
Alex's check and put it in my wallet. I'd decide what to do with it later.

He helped me get the bags to my car, we shook hands, and I drove over to the
office. I grabbed an envelope containing the title to the car, a bill of sale
for $1, and the keys. I ran all that inside and put it in Mary's top desk
drawer. Mission accomplished.

Back outside, I pulled my luggage from the car, locked it up manually, and
waited for my taxi. When it arrived just a couple of minutes later, I took
one good look around the lot and at the building where I had toiled for over
two years. I had enjoyed my time there, but it was time to move on.

I shed no tears as we drove to the airport. I was excited to be starting the
next chapter of my life. And this one would be lived with less hiding and
more confidence in who I was as a man - a gay man. I didn't know what all was
in front of me, but I had a new determination to face it, whatever may come,
with no fear. Or at the very least, I would do it afraid. Bring it on.




To be continued...

Author's Note: Thanks for sticking with Jack this far. From here on out his
life takes on some interesting twists and turns. And his forever love is not
too far away now. Stay tuned...