Date: Fri, 3 Oct 2014 11:03:10 -0500
From: Jack Schaeffer <jack.schaeffman@gmail.com>
Subject: Forever - Chapter 11 (Beginnings)

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Comments welcomed: jack.schaeffman@gmail.com


FOREVER
By Jack Schaeffer
Copyright 2014. All rights reserved.

Chapter 11


I like flying. There's something almost magical about an object that big
becoming airborne, held aloft by constant forward motion and the invisible
power of lift, all to move people and things from one location to another
quickly. I sat on the plane in my seat by the window and looked at the clouds
spread out far below me, perfect white cotton balls suspended in the blazing
sunshine. My life was, in a sense, suddenly "airborne" as well. It felt like
I was finally moving forward, but to where I was unsure. I just knew that I
was on my way.

I had a very real sense of "lift" happening, as well. At first I thought
maybe it was just the money. Extra cash has a way of lifting burdens for
sure. But when I looked a little deeper, I realized the lift or elevation I
was experiencing was more in my thinking than in my wallet. I was seeing
myself through very different eyes now.

For nearly all my life I had lived below my potential. As a gay man, I did
not believe that I could be good or do good things, nor did I believe that
anyone would want me to. Better to just disappear and not offend. So that's
what I had done. I left my home, my family (such as it was) and any
aspirations of real purpose and just disappeared, before I could manifest as
the deep disappointment I was bound to be. I had carefully conducted my life
up to that time doing my best to avoid that one thing. I could now see how I
had mentally and emotionally suffocated my hopes and dreams, all in the name
of not disappointing others. Instead, I disappointed myself.

But that downward-focused thinking was slowly being replaced by a new point
of view. Yes, I was gay, but so what. I was still a good guy, and I was
capable of doing good things. Or so a lot of people were saying lately. I
just needed to believe it myself - I was starting to.

As I enjoyed my first class lunch served on fine china, I saw that meal as a
metaphor of how my life was different now. It was not because I had money and
could sit in the bigger seats up front in the plane. No, it was because my
thoughts about myself were now like fine china, instead of paper plates.

I could appreciate the utility of a paper plate. You use it once and you
throw it away - cheap and easy. Brilliant in its simplicity, but severely
limited. What happens to a man as he grows up and sees himself only as a
paper plate? He will wonder at what point in his life those around him will
realize he has served his limited purpose and should now be thrown away for
someone new.

I had been that paper plate. I allowed my fear of others to put so many
limitations on myself that I eventually accepted the inevitable trashing of
my life as the expected outcome. Pitiful and stupid.

Then I got Amanda's letter. Her real gift to me was in those words that
became the genesis of my new hope, and the lift that was moving me along a
different flight line now.

I was not a paper plate - I could be fine china - able to provide years and
years of reliable, re-useable service in a multitude of situations. I needed
to be tended to with care and safely stored away until the next opportunity I
could be of some use. I wanted to be treasured, never to be tossed out with
the left overs.

I smiled as I thought of young brides-to-be registering for china patterns in
the finer department stores, some spending more time and energy making that
choice, it would seem, than they did in picking a potential husband. Why at
that time of life did china become so important? There was something powerful
in the symbolism present in a china plate. It represented a stability, a
longevity, a lasting beauty that, whether displayed on a shelf or stuffed
away in a closet, could illicit a hope for a lasting marriage relationship.

Okay, maybe the cabin pressure was messing with my brain. I know I'm not
really a china plate. I'm a guy. And while I had improved my outward
appearance some, I was mostly the same guy on the inside. With one important
exception: I was gay, but I was now okay with that.

It may seem like a simple thing, but I had agonized over my same-sex
attraction for a decade - ever since Bobby Meyers had stripped down and stood
totally naked and unashamed in the gym shower after 8th grade P.E. class,
letting the water run down his amazingly muscled body with its large patch of
pubic hair resting on top of the world's most perfect teenaged cock and
balls. He was light years ahead of me and most of my classmates in the male
development race, and he set a very high standard to follow. At that time I
still looked every morning in hopes of finding a single pube to call my own.

I remember going home that night and jacking off to the images seared in my
brain of Bobby standing naked and carefree in that shower. Years later I came
to realize that what had turned me on so much that day was not just his body,
which was hot, but his confidence in who he was, which was hotter. I'm
convinced that the hottest guys, to girls and guys alike, are the ones that
exude the most confidence in who they are. Bobby had confidence in spades. I
had none. And never really found any, either.

Plus I was gay, which was strikes one, two, and three all in one. Hence I
never had a chance in the relationship game. I did eventually have the body
hair and musculature of a young man, but without the confidence, my outward
appearance wasn't enough to overcome the fears.

I was not a virgin because I was some super good guy who was above all the
evil sex stuff. I was a virgin because I had been too scared to not be. It
wasn't that I lacked desire - I was horny 24/7. Pretty much any guy who took
an ounce of care in his appearance could have had me by that point. Fear and
lack of confidence were my two most visible qualities, and still guys were
occasionally interested. I had even been flirting back a little bit.

Yes, I wanted sex. I needed it. But I had some deeper needs that were maybe
superseding sex. I also wanted true friendship - with people who knew I was
gay and still wanted to be my friend. I didn't care if they were also gay, I
just wanted to be gay and okay myself.

I also needed to feel safe. Part of the reason I never jumped at the first
dick that was available was I knew there would be no commitment in it. Most
of my relationships, especially family, had suffered in the commitment
aspect. And there is something so fundamental, so vital, in a commitment
between two people. I knew that I needed that to feel safe enough to take the
risk and be vulnerable enough to have sex.

I wasn't trying to be old-fashioned or be better than the average guy - I had
no points to win from anyone. But I knew me well enough to know that if I
felt a guy didn't like me for who I was, beyond how badly he wanted in my
pants, I'd never be able to go through with it. I could not do one night
stands or random hookups, no matter how hard my dick got. If that's selfish
and boring and lame, so be it.

That's the other thing about big airplanes - they fly at very high altitudes.
As I sat there, flying across the ocean at 38,000 feet, I hoped I wasn't
setting the bar too high for any future relationship. I didn't want to crash
and burn before I even got off the ground. But at the same time, I had to
believe that there was somebody out there who was worth the wait - someone
who would love me first, and fuck me second...and third...and fourth...

After nearly nine hours, I was so ready to get off that plane. The pilot came
on the PA system and announced last call for the bathrooms, and I was
fortunately in line with only one other guy in front of me. He was pushing
fifty, but was in great shape from what I could see. I had to go pretty
badly. I thought about asking if he wouldn't mind sharing the commode
together to save time, but even if he would have agreed, the flight
attendants would have nixed the idea, I'm sure. I wish Seth had been on this
flight. He would have understood. I passed my time in line thinking of him
and his twinkling blue eyes. I hoped he and Tim had everything worked out.

I got back to my seat just as the seat belt sign came on. I dutifully buckled
up and put my IPad away. I watched the approaching blue-green ocean getting
closer and closer as we circled downward toward Honolulu. The islands looked
so small from up there. I wondered if my forever love could be on one of
those islands, and if he would find me this trip. He had three weeks. Get the
lead out, man. My dick can't get much harder.

Since I was flying first class - thank you, Todd - I was one of the first off
the plane. I skipped the traditional Hawaiian lei handouts and headed to
baggage claim to collect my two bags that contained everything I currently
called mine. I might have been sad at such a thought, but at that moment I
thought it was the perfect state to be in. Open heart, open mind, and
travelling light.

I saw him standing there, holding the sign with my name just over his crotch.
He was my size, about my age, and dressed in khaki slacks and a traditional
blue and tan Hawaiian short sleeved shirt. He had a blue baseball cap on,
pulled low over his eyes, so I couldn't see much of his face. Crap! Why was
there a guy looking for me? I wanted to disappear in Hawaii. I sighed and
headed over to him.

"I'm Jack Schaeffer. Are you looking for me?" I asked him.

"Yes. Welcome to Hawaii, Mr. Schaeffer." He extended his hand, and I shook
it.

"Call me Jack. I wasn't expecting anyone to be here. What am I missing?"

"Oh...right. He said you might be confused...well, actually he said you might be
pissed. The guy said his name was Todd, and he set up a car rental for you
through my company. I'm here to get you to your car." I wanted to be pissed,
but how could I be? I mean, Todd thought of everything. This was just Todd
being Todd. I decided to roll with it.

My car porter friend turned out to be Aaron, and he helped me get my bags
from the carousel, which was moving at a pretty fast clip. He must have had
some serious muscles hiding under his flowered shirt, as he grabbed my large
bag and lifted it right off the conveyor like it weighed nothing. I caught
the medium bag and struggled to get it off loaded. I nearly fell on the
elderly woman standing next to me. Embarrassing.

We rolled the bags out the exit and I followed Aaron to a waiting van
emblazoned with some kind of exotic car on the side. The company was called
Hawaiian Luxury Rentals. Aaron opened the side door and hopped in, pulling in
my bags. I followed. He introduced me to Wes, the guy driving the van, and we
were off. I was the only customer.

Just when I was beginning to wonder if I had been kidnapped, we pulled into a
small parking lot. The trip from the airport had been maybe 15 minutes, and I
thought up a lot of scary scenarios in that amount of time. But it was all
for naught. We stepped out of the van into the most gorgeous sunshine and
soft breezes I had ever felt. I stood there and tried to soak it in.

"Okay, Jack. We've got you set up right over here." He walked away, still
pulling my large bag. He stopped at a sparkling white BMW convertible sedan.
It was gorgeous. Todd got me a white chariot to explore Hawaii in. Way to go,
Todd!

Aaron showed me how everything worked on the car, including how to take the
top down and put it back up. He wanted me to promise I would never try to put
it up while I was driving. I promised. I signed some papers, got instructions
on how to drop the car off and get a ride back to the airport when my time in
Hawaii was done, and then I was off. I had the address and directions to the
property management office from the airport, so I followed Aaron's
instructions to get back to the airport, and then continued on from there,
the warm wind whipping around me.

I got to the management office a little after 3. That made it 8 o'clock for
me. My stomach was grumbling as I got out of the car. I hoped the place I was
staying was close by. And that there was food nearby as well. I knocked on
the office door - it was locked. Thankfully a woman answered it shortly.

"May I help you?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm Jack Schaeffer. I am renting a house near Kailua Beach. I was told
I needed to stop here first so someone could show me the way and get me set
up."

"Oh my goodness! Was that today? I thought that was for tomorrow. Come in,
please. Here, have a seat and give me just a minute to see what's what." She
was clearly distraught. I was surprisingly not upset at all. Yet.

She was checking things on her computer screen. She was probably in her early
50s or so, very professional looking in her sky blue dress and pearls. Her
shoes matched the color of the dress, and had a sensible heel. Suddenly she
gave a small gasp, looked at me from the corner of her eyes, then grabbed a
cell phone and dialed someone. This was going to get interesting.

"Madge, this is Claire. Yes, I'm at the office. No, he didn't. Listen, Madge.
I have a Jack Schaeffer here. He says he's renting the Kailua Beach house
today. I thought that started tomorrow." She listened while Madge explained
something to her. I could see her face finally show some relief, and she was
smiling.

"Yeah, sure, Madge. I'll tell him. No problem. Yes, I can do that. The folder
is right here on your desk. Got it. See you soon." She hung up.

"Mr. Schaeffer, my apologies, sir. And please forgive my lack of manners.
I've been a bit flustered today. My name is Claire Hoskins. My business
partner, Madge Weinkoff, is on her way in. She will be handling your rental
and any help you may need. She wanted to stop and get some things for the
house before she took you up there. I think she thought you would be a bit
later in arriving."

"I hope I haven't caused any trouble, Ms. Hoskins." I said.

"Oh, fiddlesticks. Nothing of the kind. And you can call me Claire. No, it
just so happens I have a Mr. Shaftner coming in tomorrow to rent a condo down
by Waikiki and I was a bit confused by the similar last names. Madge has you
all set up and ready to go. In fact, I can get you started with the paperwork
if you'd like so you can get going as soon as she arrives."

We worked the papers, me signing a half dozen forms promising to not destroy
anything and to replace anything if I broke my first promise. I signed
another form that indicated Todd had prepaid the rental in full. Claire then
handed me a fairly large 3-ring binder full of information about the house,
its location, and the local environs. There were telephone numbers for
anything I could ever need. It would take two days to get through all that.

The little bell above the office door started ringing as another woman came
flying in, a bit out of breath. She was a larger woman, with an ample,
currently heaving, chest, and a face framed with a very large brown hair
helmet. She was not exactly unattractive, just a little large everywhere, but
it wouldn't have mattered to me anyway. I liked them a bit younger and a lot
more male.

She came straight for me, hands outstretched, pleading. "Mr. Schaeffer. A
thousand apologies for my tardiness. Please forgive me. Traffic is obscene -
obscene! - out there this afternoon." She grabbed my hand with both of hers
and shook my whole arm. Then she gave it back to me with a deep sigh.

"So, mahalo, welcome to Hawaii! Is this your first time visiting our fair
islands?" She asked.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied.

"Oh my, drop the ma'am thing, pronto, sweetie. I'm old...well, older...but I'm
not ready to be a ma'am yet." She laughed at herself, something I suspect she
did often. I smiled, hoping this conversation would eventually lead to the
house I was there to rent.

"Claire, did we get all the forms signed?"

"All right there in the folder on your desk, Madge. I gave him the book. He's
all set to go." She was trying to speed things along as well. We shared a
knowing smile.

"Alrighty then. Let's get going. I'm assuming that's your white chick magnet
out there, Jack. Am I right?" She was laughing at herself again. Little did
she know.

"Something like that," I replied innocently. And when did I say she could
call me Jack? Oh well, I needed her to help me find the place, so I kept my
mouth shut and followed her out the door.

Madge rattled off some instructions of where we were going, but there was no
way to follow them. I decided to just follow her the best I could. Hopefully
she would not forget I was behind her. We pulled out of the lot, Madge in her
dark green Nissan Maxima and me following in my white chariot - a dick
magnet, not a chick magnet, I hoped - and joined the "obscene" traffic. It
really wasn't that bad. Chicago rush hour was ten times worse. Madge would
have been doomed.

Three turns and we were on Interstate H1 cruising through Honolulu. It looked
like any other big city to me from this point of view, although every once in
a while I could see glimpses of the blue ocean to my right. There were lush,
green mountains to my left towering over the buildings and other
developments. Madge suddenly switched lanes and I heard honking behind me as
I tried to follow her.

We were now on HI-61, also called the Pali Highway, a four lane road that
started to climb up into the mountains. Everything was so green and
beautiful, with palm trees lining the road on either side, along with many
varieties of tropical plants providing the majority of landscaping for the
homes that we passed. Traffic was moderately heavy, and the speed limit was
posted at 45 MPH so we were not moving very fast, which was fine by me, as I
could see more of the scenery and I swear I could smell the most heavenly
scent in the air.

As we climbed higher, the air temp dropped a bit, but it was still pleasant
in the convertible. So different from Chicago. We went through two tunnels
near what I guess was the top of the mountain and then started a slow descent
on the other side. I could see the ocean again in front of us, with a good
sized town spreading from the water up into the mountainside.

An ambulance passed us, lights flashing and sirens wailing, and I saw it turn
into a hospital complex up on our left. At that same intersection, we turned
right onto HI-72, Kalanianaole Highway. So far I think I could remember how
to get back to the airport. I do have a pretty good sense of direction, even
when I'm in a new place.

About a half mile up the road, Madge signaled we were turning right, and we
branched off onto Old Kalanianaole Road. We were climbing up again, the road
running along to the top of a ridgeline against the mountain side. There were
gates across the driveways of the houses on my left, each one looking more
and more expensive, the landscaping getting more impressive the further we
went. I could no longer see the ocean beyond the trees.

Finally, Madge slowed down, and we turned left onto a single lane road marked
"Private - Owners Only". I followed her maybe 500 feet to a beautiful wrought
iron gate blocking further passage. I recognized the gate from the Internet
pictures. Madge got out of her car and motioned for me to join her by the
gate. She showed me the keypad and gave me the code. We got back in our cars,
this time with me in the lead. I entered the code at the gate and it swung
open, allowing us passage.

We followed a driveway lined with palm trees and dense, tropical foliage that
provided a natural fence-like barrier along the car path. It felt very
private and luxurious, like a hidden resort or something. Maybe 100 yards in,
the driveway ended in a large, open car lot. To the left was the main house,
a single story dwelling with a box-like modern architecture. To the right was
a matching four car garage with beautiful wooden garage doors done in a
carriage house design. Beautiful stuff.

I got out of my car and looked back at the main house. Behind a deep and long
covered porch stood two magnificent wooden doors with ornate black iron
handles and knockers. There were floor to ceiling windows everywhere, whole
walls made out of glass. If not for the boxy design, I would have thought
fishbowl for sure.

While unusual, for me anyway, the house was somehow very inviting. It felt
homey, even standing in the driveway. And peaceful. Very peaceful. I could
hear birds chirping many different songs. The landscaping was breathtaking.
There were hibiscus bushes everywhere, with flowers of different shapes,
sizes, and colors. Smaller palm trees stood as sentries up closer to the
corners of the house, surrounded by shorter trees and shrubs, many blooming
with vibrant colors. The plantings were dense and varied, and there was that
amazing scent in the air, almost like gardenias. My grandmother had always
worn a gardenia perfume. I never liked it on her. She was not a sweet woman,
so it never seemed to fit on her. But here, the aroma was perfect.

Madge was trying to balance her purse, keys, and a big box of stuff that she
had pulled from her trunk. I walked over and took the box from her, and she
motioned for me to come inside, so I followed. She showed me how to key in
the front door. There was a panel with metal buttons that you pushed in the
right order to unlock it. We entered and I stood there, taking it all in.

It was all much larger on the inside than it appeared from the driveway. We
were standing in the middle of a huge rectangular room. It must have been 50
feet wide and 30 feet deep. Above us, exposed in the vaulted ceiling, were
thick teak wood beams. Rich Bamboo wood covered the floors throughout. Here
and there they had placed expensive oriental type rugs arranged in furniture
groupings. The furniture was mostly leather and there were tables and
assorted other objects that worked together to divide the large room into
sensible zones. I could see it working really well for a large gathering.

I followed Madge across this main room and into an open hallway of sorts that
ran the length of the house to the left and right, essentially bisecting the
front and back of the house into two equal halves. I could see the ends of
the hallway on each side turned a corner and headed further back. I assumed
that the bedrooms were back there.

The back of the house was even more impressive. Again, it was one large open
space, divided by function. The entire back wall of the house was all glass,
separated every 8 feet or so with a slim teak wood vertical support beam. The
overall effect was that you were standing on a deep, covered porch. I could
see the space continued outside the glass walls for another 20 feet, and
there was a large pool beyond that, flanked on either side by covered
walkways fronting other "boxes" of living space.

To my right was a large, square dining table with seating for 16. The color
of the wood matched the color of the floor. It sat on yet another gorgeous
carpeted rug. An elaborate wooden chandelier hung above it.

To my left was an open kitchen fronted by a long, granite-covered island with
six stools place up against it. From where I was standing it was obviously a
gourmet style set up, with a huge, high end stove, three wall ovens, and
other stainless steel appliances I did not recognize. In the far wall there
appeared to be at least three large doors covering refrigerators and
freezers.

"Set that box down on the island there, Jack." I complied. "So. What do you
think of the place? Is this what you were looking for?" She asked, clearly
proud of the space.

"And then some, Madge. It's breathtaking."

"Yeah, this is our best property. We are fortunate to be the exclusive
representative for the family that owns it. They rarely rent it out anymore.
The couple has retired here. Took them 20 years to get everything just the
way they wanted it. Now they intend to enjoy it as much as they can. Their
granddaughter is getting married back in California, so you're the lucky one
to get it for the next three weeks. Come on, I'll show you how everything
works."

For the next 30 minutes Madge taught me all about the house. She showed me
how to work the lights and the temperature settings. There were three
different heating and cooling systems, so it took me a minute to get it
straight. The house was wired throughout with a sophisticated speaker system,
so I could select a radio station or even play music from my IPad and I could
hear it anywhere in the house, even outside.

The kitchen had more gadgets and appliances that I could ever use. I just
wanted to know where the refrigerator and freezer were, and how to work the
microwave. They were easy enough. I don't think I would need two dishwashers,
ever.

The house was shaped overall like a giant "U", with the main part of the
house as the base and the two side wings contained mostly bedrooms. Madge
lead me down each of these side wings so I could get the full picture. On one
side, there was large sitting area with a flat screen TV on the wall and some
very comfortable furniture. I came to call it the lounge. Further along that
wing were three bedrooms, each with its own full bathroom ensuite. The
bedroom wing on the other side of the house also had three bedrooms,
including a much larger master. The hallway on that side also branched over
to the garage. There was a large mud room and laundry room between the garage
and the main house.

The most amazing thing about the house was that the entire back wall of glass
opened up to the covered lanai - that's what Madge called it. The glass wall
sections folded in together and moved on tracks in the floor and ceiling,
like an accordion, then slid to the far sides of the house, out of the way.
It was all mechanized and with a touch of a button, the walls magically
disappeared. There were hidden air vents in the ceiling just behind where the
walls would be when closed, and they shot out a continuous volume of air to
discourage insects from flying into the house.

With the walls opened, the kitchen appeared to extend out onto the lanai.
There was an outdoor cooking station, complete with two sinks, another
dishwasher, two mini fridges and a mini freezer, all hidden in cabinets
underneath a matching granite countertop. In addition, there was a gas
cooktop and a propane powered stainless steel grill with six burners. It was
huge!

Across the lanai there were two groupings of outdoor rattan furniture,
sitting on solid color rugs made of some magic fibers that must have stood up
well to the elements. It all looked brand new. There was a large table with a
glass top and 10 matching chairs. Everything you could ever want for an
outdoor feast had been thought of. Above it all, in the high covered ceiling
of the lanai, spun three large ceiling fans with blades that looked like palm
branches.

About 8 feet beyond the covered lanai was a large, sunken hot tub big enough
for 10-12 people. When the air jets were turned on, the water from it would
also overflow like a short water fall into the swimming pool, which was set
about three feet lower in the ground.

The 30' by 60' rectangular pool and hot tub were surrounded by a rich, dark
teak deck. Together the pool and deck essentially filled the space between
the sides of the "U" shaped house. There were wooden lounge chairs with
cushions done in various shades of reds and oranges and yellows. Planters
with beautiful arrangements of tropical and native plants were placed around
the chairs. At the far end of the pool, there was an infinity edge backed by
a short wall of tropical plants and two smaller palm trees. It looked like
the pool ran off into the foliage

And beyond the pool, far down the mountain side and across the town below,
was the magnificent Pacific Ocean, of which I now had an unobstructed view.
There was a well-manicured lawn beyond the pool that sloped down the hillside
and ended in a hibiscus hedge of yellow flowers. Behind that the landscape
had been allowed to grow natural and wild.

Madge showed me how to run the hot tub, how to set the temperature, and how
to select the colors for the pool lights.

"Well, Jack. I think that's everything. You have our numbers, so if you run
into any issues, just call. The book Claire gave you has directions for how
to get into town and where to find things.

"Oh, I almost forgot. The gardener comes on Saturday mornings around 10. He's
usually here for maybe two hours. The pool maintenance guy comes Mondays and
Thursdays, generally around 3, but he can be late sometimes. If you have any
trouble with the hot tub or pool, he's the guy to ask. Now you don't have to
worry about being here or not. They both have the gate code and they can get
around to the yard and pool behind the garage. So they don't need to come
into the house. Any questions?"

"Nope, I think that's it for now, Madge. Thank you for your help," I replied.
I walked her to the front porch and she shook my hand weakly. She drove off
immediately after that and I finally had the chance to look things over
without her incessant chattering. She meant well, and I was grateful for the
instructions - the house was kind of complicated. But she clearly subscribed
to the belief of why use one word when fifty would do. Exhausting.

I wanted to jump in that pool so badly, but I was hungry. I checked the
fridge and pantry, but no joy. There was no food. Apparently the family that
owned the place cleared out entirely when they rented it out. Kind of odd,
but then again, I wouldn't want to be eating other people's food. Seemed
cheap.

I saw the box on the island that Madge had me bring in. She had completely
forgotten it. Inside were four rolls of toilet paper, three rolls of paper
towels, some dishwasher detergent, and two water bottles. Nothing to eat in
there.

I used one of the nine bathrooms in the place and then opened up the "book"
about the house. I found the directions for getting into Kailua, as well as
how to find a grocery store and department store. Good enough. So I grabbed
my car keys and headed out to find sustenance.

Back in the car, I steered down the driveway, pausing to let the gate open.
It happened automatically. I guess there was a sensor of some kind in the
dense foliage on either side of the driveway. I turned right onto Old
Kalanianaole Road and made my way down the mountain and into town.

I backtracked to Highway 61, which was now called Kailua Road. In less than
15 minutes I was passing Windward Boats on my right, crossing a small stream
and entering the main part of town. Following Kailua Road around, I found a
place to park and decided to get something to eat before I did any real
grocery shopping. Walking two blocks had me standing in front of a California
Pizza Kitchen. Not exactly local cuisine, but I liked pizza and I was hungry,
so I went in and ordered a Chipotle Chicken pizza and a Diet Coke. My
waitress was a beautiful Hawaiian girl, with long flowing black hair and that
slightly exotic island look about her. I'm sure she looked better in a bikini
than in the black plants and yellow t-shirt she had on now. I'm gay and even
I knew that much. She brought my food quickly, made sure I had everything I
needed, and left me in peace to replenish my energy.

After dinner, I walked over to Whole Foods. I never shopped there back in
Chicago - way too expensive - but I was curious. Mary Ricketts had said she
would sometimes get prepared foods there whenever she was having the girls
over for a game night and she didn't have time to cook anything. Well, I was
on vacation, and while I had all the time in the world, I had no cooking
skills to speak of, so unless I wanted to drive down the mountain every time
I got hungry, I needed options.

Okay, so I went a little nuts. They had everything in there. And it all
looked incredibly delicious. I got a fresh fruit platter, a chicken wings
platter with various sauces, a small cheese platter, and something called a
crisps and toasts platter to go with it. I had no intention of cleaning and
preparing food. This way it could all go in the fridge and I could nibble on
it whenever the urge struck. Someone was sampling chocolate covered
strawberries, and of course they were fabulous, so I got a dozen of those as
well.

At their prepared foods bar I grabbed some Peruvian-Style Roasted Chicken
with Sweet Onions, two servings of Cajun Beef Skillet, a whole rotisserie
chicken, six grass-fed ground beef patties, and some assorted salads and
other side dishes. I picked a few things I was unsure of, like quinoa pilaf
and berry goat cheese salad. But they looked good. I figured I could get the
grill going and cook the hamburgers at least. The rest I would nuke as
needed.

I found the cereal aisle and grabbed a couple of boxes of organic whole grain
stuff - raisin bran and granola. I finished up with some bread, hamburger
buns, catsup and mustard, a couple bags of chips, some milk, and two cases of
bottled water.

I paid, tried not to choke on my organic chewing gum, and asked how I could
get all of it to my car. They had curbside loading for no fee. Who knew? I
ran to get the car, and a very cute teenaged boy with deep dimples helped me
get it all in the trunk. I tipped him five bucks which seemed acceptable. He
smiled and winked at me and then headed back in side. Hmmm. I might have to
run out of something tomorrow and need to come back. But I couldn't buy
another trunk load of groceries just to flirt with a guy, could I?

Back at the house, I went through the front door and around to the garage,
opened it, and carried my groceries through to the kitchen that way. Once I
had it all in its proper place, it was time to finally relax and unwind. I
wanted in that pool. I found the controller for the hot tub, got it going and
set the temperature. Then I went to get on my swim suit.

My bags were still in the car, so I went out the front door, retrieved them,
and picked the first bedroom on the lounge side of the house. I figured it
was nearest the TV and the kitchen, so it made sense to me. I started to
unpack my clothes and put my toiletries in the bathroom.

Crap! I couldn't find my swim suit. I hadn't had time to get a new one in
Chicago - it wasn't exactly swimming season there yet. So I thought I had
decided to keep my old one until I could replace it. But now I was
remembering sadly that it had ended up in the giveaway pile on my last day of
packing. Now what do I do?

I thought about just going in in my underwear. They were black so they
wouldn't show a lot, even if they got wet. But the water was chlorinated, and
I wasn't sure what that would do to the color. Make them grey? Same reason I
didn't want to use either of my two pairs of gym shorts. Chlorine was a
killer on those.

Then my lightning fast mind realized how silly I was being. I was the only
one there. Nobody was around to see anything but me. And the house and pool
were totally private. The nearest neighbor was half a mile away I think. I
certainly didn't see any other houses close by when I was out on the lanai
earlier.

I grabbed a towel and made my way back to the kitchen in my underwear. I
tucked a water bottle from the fridge under my arm and pressed the buttons on
the control pad to open the lanai walls. It was still so fascinating to watch
them disappear like that. I put the water bottle down with my towel and then
looked around, double checking to make sure I was alone and could not be
seen. I then shucked off my boxer briefs and stepped naked into the hot tub.

Instant erection! Not surprising, with the movement of the water through the
jets massaging every inch of my body. I was relaxed and full on horny in two
minutes flat. I settled back into the built in seat and laid my head back on
the padded neck rest, my thoughts drifting to nothing in particular.

The way I was sitting had positioned by cock directly in the flow of one of
the jets. It felt like magic fingers were massaging my dick ever so gently.
Soon I was remembering Bobby Meyers and his beautiful body and his incredible
confidence and my left hand joined the water jets working my dick. Then Andy,
the clerk at Abercrombie and Fitch, joined the show in my brain. He was
sitting in the hot tub next to me and I imagined it was his hand that was
working with mine to get me off. The steam rising from the water around my
head was like his hot breath on my neck, as he teased me with soft caresses
of his lips. I felt us both pick up the pace and my orgasm arrived without
warning. I was suddenly bucking in the water and gasping for air, riding the
short-lived wave of ecstasy as my cum mixed into the swirling waters.

Five minutes later and I was in danger of falling asleep and drowning. I was
exhausted. I dragged myself up out of the water and dried off. I didn't put
my underwear back on - what would be the point? The pool would have to wait
until tomorrow. I turned off the hot tub; the pool lights were on a timer, I
think. They were glowing with a light blue color, now that the sun had gone
down.

The clock on the microwave said it was almost 7. No wonder I was tired. That
was midnight for me. Jet lag was tough. I skipped my normal bed time prep and
collapsed on the bed, still naked. I was in the same place the next morning.

The sun was streaming through the bedroom windows, warming up the room a
little bit. I had my normal morning hardon, but I was not horny, just needed
to piss. Which I did, then brushed my teeth. The taste in my mouth after that
pizza last night was not pleasant.

I put on a pair of gym shorts - I am not one to walk around naked all the
time, even when there is no one else around - and walked barefoot to the
kitchen. Wow! I had slept 13 hours straight. I felt pretty good. Hopefully I
could get functioning on Hawaii Time pretty quickly.

I poured some cereal in a bowl I found in a cupboard and added some milk. I
unwrapped my fresh fruit platter from Whole Foods and threw a few raspberries
and blueberries into my granola. My bowl now matched the picture on the box.
Small pleasures.

Three slices of pineapple later, I was finished with breakfast and put my
dishes in the sink, wrapped up the fruit and put it away in the fridge, and
turned my thoughts to the day ahead. The thing about vacationing alone is
that you have no one but yourself to consult. No other agenda competes with
yours. But my agenda was blank, so I was slow getting started.

I did need to get a swimming suit. Going naked at the house was fine, but on
days when the gardener or the pool guy came by, that was not going to work -
unless they were hot and wanted to join me. I think Madge said the gardener's
day was Saturday, so I wouldn't be seeing him until next weekend. The pool
guy came tomorrow. So I had a day to get my act together. I also needed just
some regular walking around shorts and new T-Shirts. In Chicago, summer
clothes had not been out yet, the temps were still in the 40s when I left.

I checked the "book" and looked for shopping options. There were a few stores
in downtown Kailua, but the really big mall was back in Honolulu. That's what
I would do today. It only took 30 minutes to get to the house from the
property management office, so the drive back would be no big deal. Heck, in
Chicago we measured distances in how long it took you to get somewhere, not
in miles. Anything less than an hour was a short trip.

I checked the weather report on my IPad after figuring out how to connect to
the house Wi-Fi service. The password was in the "book". Everything was in
that "book". I wondered if there was a section in there about how to find a
real man to love you forever. Probably not.

With the temps in the low 80s and no rain in the forecast, I laid out the
lightest weight pair of jeans and shirt I had. It was time to hit the shower.
It was amazing. There were water jets on three walls, lots of them. It took
me a few minutes to get them adjusted to my body, but once I did, the feeling
was incredible. I didn't want to get out of there, but my fingers started
pruning, so I reluctantly shut it down and toweled off. I put on deodorant,
shaved, brushed my teeth again - I had raspberry seeds stuck in my teeth -
and got dressed. Maybe some flip flops might be nice, too. My tennis shoes
were getting pretty raggedy. They were three years old.

I went back out to the kitchen for a water bottle and realized my big
mistake. The glass walls were open to the lanai, and I had not opened them
that morning. That meant I had left them open all night. Oops! I found the
controller for the walls and shut everything up tight. The last thing I
needed was for something to get stolen on my watch.

I locked up, hopped in the car, and headed back towards Honolulu. Traffic was
much lighter on a Sunday morning at 9 o'clock. I went back through the
tunnels and down the mountain on the other side. I took the exit for I-H1
East and started looking for Piikoli Street. A couple minutes later I was
headed toward the ocean on Piikoli, basking in the sunshine beating on my
head. The street ended at Ala Moana Boulevard, across from the Ala Moana
Beach Park. Since the mall didn't open for another 30 minutes, I drove around
the park to the ocean side and found a space to park the car. I thought about
getting out and walking in the sand, but I didn't want to have sand in my
shoes all day. So I settled for enjoying the sun and ocean breezes, listening
to the sea gulls crying out to each other.

I just about fell asleep, I was so relaxed. So far I was enjoying my vacation
immensely. But it was time to shop. So I started up the car and drove over to
the mall across Ala Moana. I saw some signs indicating free valet parking, so
I followed those and got in line. While I waited my turn, I put the top back
on the car for safety sake. A very cute attendant in a very tight pair of
shorts took my keys and handed me a card with a number on it. I couldn't help
myself - he caught me staring at his cock and balls, which were clearly
outlined in his shorts.

He blushed and whispered, "It's embarrassing. My boyfriend shrunk my shorts
in the wash. These were all I had that were clean today."

I just smiled at him and said, "It's okay. I think they look great on you.
You fill 'em out nicely, that's for sure." His blush went several shades
darker, but he smiled back.

"Have a nice day shopping at Ala Moana, sir." He hopped in my car and drove
off. I wondered if those shorts really were a last resort, or if he wore them
on purpose. Hmmm.

Here I was in a tropical paradise, and I did the unthinkable. I spent the
entire morning and half the afternoon shopping. There were over 250 shops in
that mall, and I think I went into every one of them that wasn't just girl's
clothing. I got several pairs of shorts, some great summer shirts, including
three Hawaiian flowered shirts, and a pair of top sider shoes that I was
supposed to wear with no socks, according to the sexy clerk who helped me try
them on. He must have been into feet, because he held on to mine a lot while
I was trying to decide which color to get. I decided on the traditional
brown. He was smiling as I paid at the register. Ah, another satisfied sales
clerk.

I also managed to find two new swim suits, mostly because I couldn't decide
which one I liked the most. One pair reminded me of red beach lifeguard
shorts. They fit kind of snug and showed off my ass nicely, but they were a
little short in the legs. Not too short, just definitely not board shorts.
Almost like a boxer brief. The other pair were traditional board shorts,
mostly royal blue with a gradation of stripes from blue to white down the
legs. I liked the way they fit and how they looked on the mannequin in the
store. I got several cool t-shirts to go with them as well.

For lunch I had a Chicken Pesto Panini sandwich and a salad from one of the
many food court restaurants. It was okay, but I absolutely loved my lemon
sorbet from Aloha Gelato. Perfection.

The highlight of the afternoon had to be finding the Bulgari store. I must
have stayed in there for over an hour, smelling different colognes and
looking at watches. I needed a new watch, but the only one I even got close
to purchasing was $18,000 and I just couldn't do it. It made no sense to me
to spend that kind of money on a watch. I wasn't interested in trying to
impress anyone, I just needed a good watch. I did splurge and buy a new
leather wallet. It was a little less than $400. I was thinking the whole cow
probably cost less than my one wallet, but I guess I was partly buying the
name. I did buy more of the Bulgari shower gel and cologne that I liked. I
found out it was called "MAN" and that turned me on a little somehow.

I was finally shopped out, so I took my bags and headed for the valet parking
podium. My cute valet from that morning was standing there, looking more
relaxed. He had obviously changed his shorts to something a little less form
fitting. He still looked good though. He looked up as I approached and
smiled.

"Well, judging by the packages you're carrying you had a good day at Ala
Moana."

"Yeah, I found a few things. I see you found some new things as well," I
said, pointing to his shorts. He blushed again.

"Yeah, my boyfriend took mercy on me and brought these to me a couple of
hours ago. He was apologizing all over himself when he saw me in the other
pair." The valet started laughing. "He told me I would have been less sexy if
I had stood here naked than be in those shorts." I laughed too. His boyfriend
was probably right.

"Well, you still look great to me. And lucky for you, you have a guy who
obviously cares a lot about you."

"Yeah, he does. He's my rock. We've been together for five years. Only guy
I've ever been with. He's amazing. I'll get your car for you right away." He
had a wistful look in his eye, thinking about his man. I was beyond envious.

I watched him trot off to get my car and wondered if I would ever find my
rock. He had to be out there somewhere, right? I was encouraged, too, by the
valet's comment that he had only been with one guy. Maybe not every gay guy
hopped from one bed to the next. Maybe I wasn't the only one who would rather
wait for a sense of permanence before slipping between the sheets.

He returned with my car and I gave him a $100 tip. He stood there with his
mouth hanging open. "Tell your boyfriend to buy you some great shorts with
that so you never have to be out here embarrassed again. And tell him I said
he's one lucky guy to have a hot stud like you." I smiled and drove away with
him staring at me, mouth still open. That felt better than any purchase I
made that day.

I got back to the house about 40 minutes later and changed into my new red
swimming suit. I got the glass walls opened up and the hot tub cooking, then
jumped in the pool. It was a little cool at first, but I adjusted quickly.
The sun overhead was hot. The pool started at 3 1/2 feet deep at the hot tub
end and gradually sloped deeper to around 6 feet at the far end. I know I had
to tread water before I got all the way there. It was a pretty big pool for
one person, but I imagined it would be perfect for a larger gathering.

I love the water. I'm not a fast swimmer or anything, but I felt at home in
the water. Like I was more graceful somehow. I spent an hour just moving
around in the pool, diving under again and again and swimming from end to
end. It was so relaxing. Day two of my vacation was a winner in my book.

Eventually I got tired and hungry - again - so I dragged myself out of the
pool and took another shower with those glorious jets spraying me all over. I
got dressed in a pair of my new shorts and a new shirt and decided to heat up
the Peruvian chicken dish for dinner. It was very good. A little spicy, but I
liked it. I ate some salad alongside the main dish. For desert I had two
chocolate covered strawberries.

I spent the rest of the evening reading a Robert Ludlum spy novel on my IPad.
I really got lost in it, because before I knew it, it was nearly 11 and my
head was drooping. I shut everything down, remembered to close up the lanai,
and got ready for bed. I dreamed of valets who were actually spies chasing
bad guys. They kept losing their shorts and running around naked. Not sure if
they ever caught anybody but each other. But that part was hot. Or at least
what I remembered of it the next morning.

I slept until 10 Monday morning. I actually had a bit of a headache, maybe
from sleeping too long? I stumbled to the bathroom, did what you always do
first thing in the morning, and then looked at myself in the mirror. I looked
like crap. My skin was all blotchy with pink patches of sunburned skin here
and there. No wonder I had the headache. Sunburn always did that to me.
Thankfully none of it was too painful. Sunscreen went on my mental shopping
list for the day.

Out in the kitchen, I opened up the lanai and the cool breeze that flowed in
was wonderful - it cooled my hot skin and lifted my spirits. I decided on
raisin bran for breakfast, with some more fresh fruit. Simple and satisfying.
I had picked up my IPad and started reading my spy novel again over my cereal
bowl.

An hour later I was feeling a little stiff sitting on the stool at the island
counter, so I stretched it out and headed to the bathroom to clean up for the
day. I used some of my Bulgari shower gel - I loved that stuff - and enjoyed
the multiple jets in the shower again. This time I closed my eyes and
imagined I was in there with three other guys, all stroking my body, each one
intent on being the guy who got me off. I was stroking hard and fast, and
when I came I nearly collapsed onto the shower floor. I managed to get all
the jets turned off, and my breathing returned to normal as I dried off. I
was feeling much better.

As I was picking out clothes to wear, I realized I had a lot of dirty
laundry. I didn't have time to wash most of my stuff from last week before I
left, so I started making piles on the bed. I had three loads, what with all
the new stuff that should probably be washed as well.

I got dressed in a pair of gym shorts and t-shirt, no socks, and took the
first load down to the laundry room. Eureka! They had two washers and two
dryers, just like my old apartment building. I got the first load going after
finding some laundry detergent in a cabinet. Then I went back and grabbed a
second load and got that churning in the machine in short order.

I read my book out on the lanai until all the clothes were clean and dry and
ready to be folded or hung up. I stayed out of the direct sun until I could
get some sun screen. I was also struggling a bit with the glare coming off
the pool. My eyes felt a little itchy and sore.

Once the clothes were done, I had no more work to do. Back to vacationing.
And more shopping. This time I headed down into Kailua. I found a drug store
which had plenty of sunscreens to choose from. I got a tube of blue aloe vera
gel to cool things off if I got burned again. I also grabbed some Tylenol and
Advil just in case.

I threw all that in my car and drove around, exploring a little. As I passed
the Whole Foods market, I saw the cute guy who helped me load my groceries
helping an elderly gentlemen with his today. I smiled. It was a nice picture.
I stayed on Kailua Road, figuring it was like a Main Street for that town,
and eventually it dead ended at the ocean at Kailua Beach Park. I found a
spot to park on the street and locked up the car.

I took off my shoes - I was wearing my new top siders - and carried them with
me as I walked on the beach. The sun was already pretty hot, so I didn't stay
long - my feet were hot in the sand as well. But the water was so beautiful.
There were kids running everywhere, screaming with joy and excitement, many
of them building sand castles with little toy shovels and buckets. Out in the
water I could see several kayakers, some paddling out to the big flat island
that was maybe 1000 feet off shore.

When I had had enough sun, I walked over to the public bathrooms just off the
beach and rinsed my feet in the outdoor shower installed there for that
purpose. I sat on a bench and waited for my feet to dry, which they did in
short order, and I put my shoes back on after carefully brushing every speck
of sand off my toes. I was mentally adding some things to a new shopping list
in my head. Needed some kind of beach shoes for sure.

I got back to the house shortly before 2 and immediately drank two cold water
bottles. I was dehydrated from the sun and all the running around, and my
headache was back. I took a couple of Advil and laid down on a couch out on
the lanai. It was so peaceful and cool, laying there under the spinning
ceiling fans. I drifted off to sleep.

About an hour later I was startled awake by a voice calling, "Hello? Anybody
here?" I sat up slowly, trying to focus, and my eyes eventually tracked the
voice to a young man standing down by the pool. He saw me sit up, so he
started walking along the deck towards me. I stood up to greet him but my
legs were a bit wobbly and my head didn't feel quite right. I couldn't lift
it up totally straight without a searing pain in my neck. I managed only
about three steps towards him by the time he was up on the lanai himself. I
put my hand out to shake his and he grabbed mine firmly. I tried to
straighten my head again, this time managing to see his face fully.

I stared at him. My eyes couldn't decide what to focus on. He was beautiful.
Tall, dark and deeply handsome. In the relative shade of the covered lanai
his buzzed, dark hair sculpted the outline of his head and merged seamlessly
with the kind of beard that got me weak in the knees - short, dark stubble,
clean neck lines. I was still holding his hand and had yet to speak.

"Uh, hi. My name is Sam. Sam Wainwright. I'm here to work on the pool for
you." Then he dazzled me with a smile of bright white teeth and I nearly
swooned. I let go of his hand and grabbed the island counter top to steady
myself.

"Sorry about that, Sam. I'm not feeling too great at the moment. I think I
got too much sun."

"Do you need to sit down?" He asked, suddenly all concerned for my welfare.
Very sweet.

"Yeah, maybe I should." I pulled out a stool and sat, then looked at him
again. Yep. Still gorgeous.

"Uh...my name is Jack. Uh...Jack Schaeffer." I sounded like I'd forgotten my name
for a minute. Ugh!

"Nice to meet you, Jack. Are you gonna be staying here for a while?"

"Yeah, for three weeks. I just got here Saturday."

"Well, you picked a great place to stay. I love this house. It's one of the
nicest ones I get to service in the Islands." I wondered what sort of
services he provided and if they went beyond taking care of pools. I'm such a
perv.

"I see your shirt says Paradise Pools. I'm assuming that's who you work for?"
Small talk is hard when you are mentally undressing the guy and fantasizing
about sex in the hot tub. Geez, I was horny all of a sudden.

He laughed politely. "Yeah, a college buddy of mine, his dad owns the
business, and he gave me the job last year. It keeps me busy and out of
trouble. Plus I get to be outside, so I can't complain."

"Madge told me you come here twice a week. What needs to be done to the pool
that often?" Take an interest in his work, maybe he'll take an interest in
me? I was grasping at straws. I didn't want him to start working just yet.
Looking at him was making me feel better.

"Well, on Mondays I mostly check the chlorine levels and do any servicing of
the pumps and filtering systems down below the pool. Takes about an hour or
so. Thursdays are the bigger job. I have to clean the pool, including run the
robot bottom scrubber and empty all the filters and traps. That takes the
better part of two to three hours, depending on how dirty it gets." He spoke
about his work with pride. I liked that.

"Sounds like you enjoy it. Well, I'll try to stay out of your way. I don't
think I'm going out in the sun anymore today, anyway."

"If you don't mind my asking, you said you think you got too much sun. Just
how long were you out in it?"

"That's the thing - I didn't think that long. I swam in the pool yesterday
afternoon for maybe a couple of hours at the most. Then this morning I walked
on the beach for maybe 30 minutes. I do have some patchy sunburn on my back
and neck and shoulders. I guess coming from the Chicago winter, my body just
isn't ready for this kind of intense sunshine. Oh, and I have been driving
around for three days in a convertible with the top down."

He laughed. "That'll do it. Give yourself a day to recover and drink lots of
water. People come out here to Hawaii and they rent convertibles all the
time. They forget their head is exposed directly to the sun, and the rays
here are pretty intense, being near the equator. Can give you a brutal
headache. Did for me when I first started out here. Better slather on the
sunscreen before you do any more driving. Put it in your hair, too. It'll
keep that nice hair color you've got going from fading too fast."

I absent-mindedly stroked my hair with my right hand. He noticed my hair?
Huh? Interesting. Was he just being thoughtful and polite, or was there
something more there?

"Well, I better get busy. I have another service call after this one. If you
have any issues with the pool or hot tub, just call this number and one of us
will come out, usually the same day." He pulled a business card from his
wallet and handed it to me. It said the owner's name was Thomas A. Barlow. So
much for flirting with me. He was all business.

I watched him walk back along the deck towards the far end of the pool, the
mounds of his round ass moving in perfect tandem in his cargo shorts. The
skin that was exposed was a beautiful even bronze tone. He disappeared behind
the landscaping at the end of the pool and it looked like he went down a set
of steps, because his head got lower and lower behind the flowers until it
disappeared. I guess the pumps and what not were all down there, hidden from
view.

I sat on a deck lounge chair out of the sun, sipping cold water, hoping to
catch a glimpse of Sam working. He had given absolutely no indication of
interest in me aside from his comment about my hair, so I knew I was being
silly. But even sitting there wishing he might be the one made my head not
hurt so much.

I was nearly dozing off again when I heard him walking on the deck again. I
shielded my eyes with my hand and watched him approach.

"Get everything in good working order down there?" I asked.

"Yep. You're good to go. No problems. Didn't expect any. I did clear out a
couple of the pumps, so the hot tub should heat up a little quicker for you.
You feelin' any better?" He seemed genuinely concerned for me, though in a
very relaxed way.

"Yeah, a little bit. Your advice helped. This is my third water bottle and
the headache is moving into the background."

"Always works for me. Stay hydrated. Keeps ya goin', in more ways than one."
We both laughed at that, and I nearly dropped my water bottle when I saw his
eyes crinkle up into the laugh. They were the deepest crystal blue color I
had ever seen, and just like Seth's, they had a fire in them. If anything,
Sam's eyes were way more intense. Playful at the moment, but still seriously
intense. I caught myself staring and forced my eyes down to his feet.

"Hey, quick question for ya. Where can I get some flip flops like those, and
maybe a decent pair of sunglasses?" When in danger of revealing yourself as a
perv, change the subject, quick.

"Hmmm. I got these things at a swim shop in the big mall in town. My feet are
size 13, so it's hard to find my size at department stores. Sunglasses are
another thing. I wouldn't skimp on those if I was you. You need true
polarized lenses. I'd go to like a Sunglasses Hut or higher end place and get
the real deal. You'll pay a lot for them, but your eyes will thank you."

"Cool. I was there yesterday, but I can always go back. Thanks."

"Okay, well I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Take it easy. I'll be
back on Thursday. Will you be around?" I wondered why he would care.

"Not sure. Probably. I don't have a lot of plans except for sitting around
reading or swimming."

"Cool, well hopefully I'll see you then. Have a great evening." He turned and
headed back towards the rear of the pool. I watched him go, and this time I
caught the back of his head as it disappeared behind the side wing to the
house. I got up and went across the lanai and down the hallway to the laundry
room. There was a window in there from which I could see the driveway. Sam
came around the garage and put a tool bucket in the back of a small, white
pickup truck and jumped in. I couldn't be sure, but I think he looked right
at me in the window as he pulled away. He was smiling his dazzling white
smile.

I didn't want to get myself all worked up with false hope and wanton lust for
Sam, but at the same time, he seemed to indicate that he hoped he would see
me again on Thursday. He'd said it two different times. Was he just being
polite, or was he interested in me? I had no way to know. I don't necessarily
believe in gaydar - or at least I don't feel I have any. If I end up flirting
with a guy it's usually because they made the first move. I never took a
chance if I didn't already know that I was dealing with a fellow gay guy, who
was already interested in me, however superficially. Sam had given me nothing
like that to go on.

In the end, I decided to let it go for now. If I was here on Thursday, I
would see how things went. Otherwise, I was going to assume he was a very
nice, interesting, straight guy. A guy who looked criminally good in his
cargo shorts.

With my headache receding, I decide to eat, my usual fallback position when I
am at loose ends. I got out the rotisserie chicken and carved off a leg, a
thigh, and breast - essentially half the chicken - and put in the microwave
to warm up along with a helping of quinoa pilaf. I made up a lettuce salad
while I waited the three minutes, then took it all to the island and enjoyed
every last bite, washing it all down with another cold water bottle.

Despite having napped a bit in the afternoon, I was still feeling groggy.
Eating four chocolate covered strawberries put me over the edge. I needed to
sleep. But it was only 5 o'clock - too early for bed. So I went to the lounge
and fired up the TV and watched some mindless comedies for about four hours.

At 9 I called it a night. I did my usual prep and settled into the bed with
my IPad. I was going to maybe read a little more of my spy novel, but then I
had a different idea. I started the internet browser and googled Paradise
Pools Hawaii. Turned out they had a website with a logo that matched the one
on Sam's shirt. I searched through every picture on the site, hoping to find
one with Sam in it, but no such luck. No mention of him anywhere. There was a
picture of Thomas A. Barlow, the owner. He was obviously a native Hawaiian
man, late forties or early fifties, maybe 5'10" with short black hair. He
looked like a guy who preferred being outside rather than standing in a suit
to be photographed. Bummed that I didn't find a picture of Sam, I did a
google search on his name - Sam Wainwright. Got a ton of hits for a character
in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart and some Australian
politician. But nothing that looked like my Sam Wainwright.

I realized I was starting to obsess over a guy I had known for maybe 10
minutes time. It was silly and stupid. I didn't even think he was gay. I went
back to reading my novel, and thankfully the action picked up and I got into
it. An hour later I had fallen asleep with the lights on, drooling on my
pillow.

The next morning I felt like my normal self. No more headache and no sunburn
pain. Even the splotchy pink patches had all but disappeared. After my
breakfast of cereal and fruit, I got ready and my new final grooming step was
to rub in a serious amount of SPF 70 sunscreen all over my head, neck,
shoulders and arms. It took a few minutes to get the white cream blended into
my skin and hair, but if it kept the headaches at bay, I was all for it.

Dressed in a new pair of shorts and one of my cool Hawaiian shirts, I put on
my top siders sans socks and headed out. I debated with myself about putting
the top up on the convertible but decided to risk keeping it down - I looked
cooler driving that way. Ah, vanity.

The drive to the mall was tedious. A lot of traffic, all moving slowly. I
almost turned around to try again later, but then it opened up a bit and I
got down into Honolulu with no more aggravation. The mall was less crowded on
a Tuesday, and my valet friend was unfortunately not at the desk when I
dropped of the car. Bummer.

I found a Sunglasses Hut fairly quickly and the clerk helped me try on maybe
twenty different pair before I chose one that I thought worked for my face.
Sam was right - they weren't cheap. Almost 300 dollars! I put them on as I
walked out of the store, and I swear my eyes felt better immediately.

I wandered around, looking at a few watches in some jewelry store windows. I
still needed one. I eventually went into a store called Ben Bridge Timeworks.
They had the super expensive watches, but they also had more reasonably
priced versions as well. I found one that I could live with the price - a
Hamilton Khaki Pilot Automatic watch. It had a black leather strap and a
black face. It was cool looking. Not too fancy, not too dressy. And not too
complicated. I negotiated with the store manager and got it for $795.00. I
loved it on my wrist.

I found a store directory and started looking for any shops that sold
swimming stuff. There was one called Blue Hawaii Surf that sounded promising,
so I walked over there. They had a great pair of flip flops - light blue with
black leather straps and a funky pineapple painted on the bottom of the left
slipper. The right one had the Blue Hawaii logo. I was all set to go back out
in the sun.

After I got a frozen fruit smoothie at Jamba Juice, I decided to give my
Centurion card its own vacation for a while. No more shopping. I wanted to go
to the ocean. So I retrieved my car - still no sexy valet in tight shorts -
and drove across Ala Moana Boulevard and into the park. I put on more
sunscreen before locking up. In my new flip flops and sunglasses, I strolled
over to the beach and joined the other people hanging out there.

I walked around the curve of the beach to the left until it ended at a wall.
Here I could walk in the water along the edge of the shoreline - there
weren't many rocks. The water felt really good on my feet and legs. Further
around there were serious rock formations that made walking and playing in
the water a bit tricky. But I still had a blast.

Halfway down the beach and across the park road was a tennis club, and you
could hear the players hitting the balls back and forth and grunting. I
continued on to the far end of the beach, which ran into a small marina full
of boats. I walked around there for a few minutes looking at the different
kinds of boats and wondering why anyone would want to be out on the water in
a cramped boat. It didn't seem like a good time to me, but then again, I had
never tried it, so who knows? Probably get sea sick.

It was a small beach and I had walked from one end to the other and back to
my car in less than an hour. I got the top down again and sat there trying to
decide what to do. The fact was I was already bored. Sightseeing and shopping
was okay, but I was starting to feel lonely. I didn't know anybody on this
island, and even spending time at the beach seemed like something to do with
others. So in a bit of a funk, I drove back to house.

The rest of the day was spent reading, eating chicken wings, and napping. For
dinner I decided to try to get the grill going, which I succeeded at on my
first try. I put a couple of burgers on there, sprinkled them with some salt
and pepper and garlic salt I found in a cabinet, and while they cooked, I
pulled out some potato salad and opened a bag of chips. I ate my little
picnic food sitting at the table on the lanai, reading the last of my Robert
Ludlum spy novel. The last five chapters were "can't put it down" stuff.

After dinner I swam in the pool. It was relaxing and refreshing for me. I had
managed to chase my earlier blues away and I was feeling better. At one point
I got in the hot tub and let my thoughts drift, landing on Sam Wainwright and
pondering again what he may be thinking about me. I knew what I was thinking
about him. He was sexy, hotter than maybe any guy I had ever seen.

I wasn't sure why exactly, and that's what intrigued me. I mean, yeah, he had
killer looks. And those eyes! I could drown in those eyes and not care. He
was the perfect size, a little bigger than me in every way. A couple inches
taller, shoulders broader, muscles bigger, maybe everything bigger? He was
perfectly proportioned and just my size. Intensely masculine, which is why I
was convinced he was straight, and I was just torturing myself.

After thinking about it for a while, I realized that what was really so hot
about Sam was his confidence. It was so evident, even in the short
conversation we had shared. And it was a huge turn on for me. It was Bobby
Meyers on steroids. That's the thing about straight guys and how they
innocently torture gay guys. They've got this swagger and certainty about
them and it is so blasted desirable. Ugh!

My thoughts were strangely not turning me on - I was getting frustrated. I
didn't want fantasy anymore. I wanted the real deal. Sure, that wasn't going
to happen with Sam, but there had to be a gay guy out there like Sam who
would want me for me. There had to be. Maybe I could somehow work on my own
confidence. I had shown a little with the valet guy. I didn't hide the fact
that I thought he was hot. I never explicitly said I was gay, but it was
clear to him just the same. And I enjoyed the flirtations with him. It was
fun. He was real. And taken. Crap!

I put myself to bed. There was no point to this line of thinking anymore, and
besides, I was tired again. I had had a lot of sun. I hoped I hadn't over
done it. Tomorrow I needed to find something to do, or I'd go crazy. I was
thinking maybe this vacation was not such a great idea after all.

I awoke the next morning with a plan. It was just there in my head, my very
first conscious thoughts of the day. As I stood at the toilet pissing away my
morning hardon, I knew exactly what I needed to do. The bottom line: I was
not going to find my guy sitting alone in this house. He was out there
somewhere, and I owed it to myself to put it out there. How else was he going
to find me?

With a renewed energy I hurried through my breakfast as I searched on the
internet for things to do in Honolulu. Millions of people from all over the
world came to this city. Surely there was something to do that involved other
people. The thing that kept popping up the most was a tour of Pearl Harbor.
That sounded very interesting in and of itself - I was always fascinated by
history. So I found a tour that looked good and booked a ticket. If I
hurried, I would just make the cut off. I could park at the Ala Moana Hotel
and leave my car there. A bus would pick up and drop off after the tour.

I got to the hotel parking lot just as the Viator tour bus was pulling in.
Thankfully there were other people joining the tour there, so I was able to
walk up and not keep the bus waiting. I found a seat near the back and
settled in for my 9 1/2 hour day.

Things started out promising when I realized that the driver of our bus was
also going to be out tour guide for the day. His name was Gus, and he was
very charming, a youngish 30 maybe, and very hot in his cargo shorts and tour
guide polo shirt. His pectorals and biceps were barely contained inside it.
He had the perfect voice for this job - it reminded me of a high school
English teacher I'd had who could read Shakespeare and have all the girls and
half the guys salivating for more. It was sexy and powerful, and I hung on
every word. He would talk and my dick would get harder with every syllable.

The only problem was I couldn't get anywhere near him. He was on duty, so he
was primed to not allow anyone, male or female, monopolize his time. So I
contented myself with enjoying his voice as he told the stories of battles
won and lost, lives saved and lost.

After we picked up the last of our fellow tourists we headed to the USS
Arizona Memorial Visitor Center. We walked through the displays of artifacts
from the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor while Gus verbally walked us through
the sequence of events that awful day.

Next he led us out to a nearby dock, where we boarded an actual US Navy
Launch. The naval officers operating that boat were scorching hot in their
white uniforms. The one guy's dick was large and his pants were so tight, I
could easily see the outline of the head of his cock. I tried very hard not
to stare at his crotch - I didn't want to be strung up on the yardarm or
something.

It was a very somber time on the USS Arizona. It was eerie to know I was
standing on a floating memorial, just above the tomb of nearly 1,000 sailors
who died on that ship. My eyes were not the only moist ones in our group.
Even Gus, who had probably done this every day for years, appeared to be
moved by it. While I was on that ship my thoughts were not on sex - I was
thinking thoughts of deep respect and honor for the men who died defending
our country. I remember thinking that probably all men want to have that kind
of respect. I know I did. I wanted to have it for myself, too.

Gus paused the tour after that and gave us an opportunity to grab some lunch
at the snack bar. I had a hotdog and a bag of chips and my usual Diet Coke. I
ate while I looked around at all the people coming and going. There were
several tour groups at one time walking through. There were two guys in a
different tour from mine who were obviously into each other. You didn't need
gaydar - anyone with eyes could see they were together as a couple. The dark
haired one was constantly touching the blond guy in little ways. Nothing
lasted longer than a second or two. But the touches were frequent. It was
beautiful to me. I watched them interact from afar for as long as I could,
until Gus called us altogether for the next leg.

Touring the USS Bowfin submarine was way cool. I could easily see myself
moving through the tight passages of the sub while torpedoes were being
launched and the sonar guys were confirming we had destroyed another enemy
ship. I really got into the mood of it. It helped that this ship didn't sink,
but was instrumental in winning some major battles on the high seas.

I didn't care as much for the Pacific Aviation Museum. There were a few
interesting stories, but after a while I started losing focus. Probably just
getting tired. Gus did his best to make it all interesting, but most of the
group was struggling near the end.

They saved the best for last. The USS Missouri, the battleship on which the
Japanese officially surrendered to the Allies in 1945. It was surreal to be
standing on the same deck where peace was restored to one half of the world
at the time. Gus told the stories in a way that had us reliving it for real.
It was an awesome moment of the day.

The drive back to the hotels to drop people off was tedious. People were
tired and hungry, including me. The hotel where I parked was the first
pickup, so of course we were the last to be dropped off. I was the last one
off the bus. As I stepped down, Gus put out his hand and thanked me for
taking the tour and asking some interesting questions. He smiled at me and I
felt all warm inside. There was nothing happening between us - I eventually
saw the wedding ring on his finger earlier in the day - but it made me feel
good to have him smile at me.

Since I was near the big mall, I headed over there and had dinner at Morton's
Steak House. I was in the mood for a big, juicy ribeye steak smothered in
grilled onions. It was early enough that I got a table right away. Harry was
my waiter, and hairy he was. He had a long black hair tied in a neat
ponytail, his five o'clock shadow very pronounced across his jaw. His hands
and arms were covered in dense, black hair as well. And it was all somehow
very sexy to me. Maybe I was just desperately horny, I don't know. He was
very friendly and easy going. He told me the specials, none of which
interested me, and I decided on a Jumbo Lump Crab Cake for a starter, the
Sliced Beefsteak Tomato salad, and a Center-Cut Prime Ribeye steak. The food
was delicious, the service top notch, and after my desert of Key Lime Pie I
expected to be feeling pretty good.

But I wasn't. I was empty on the inside. I had spent the whole day surrounded
by people, many of who I had chatted with here and there, trying to be
friendly. I wasn't pursuing anything exactly, just trying to be out there
amongst the people. And I never felt lonelier. There was something about
being in a crowd of people you don't know and who don't know you that can
make you feel so isolated.

I drove back to the house, happy I had gotten out but a little disappointed
that nothing had really happened. But it had only been one day. Tomorrow was
another day, and who knows what could happen. I needed to find something more
to do - perhaps a tour of the city, or maybe even see another island. I had
money so I had options.

I finished off the chocolate covered strawberries just because I could - and
because they were a decadent delight. I ate them as I sat and watched the
lights in the pool randomly change colors - I had changed the controller to
make them do that. It was cool, and I felt peaceful on the inside. Not
satisfied, but at least a bit calmer and more relaxed. Probably all the
sugar. I fell asleep on the lounge chair where I sat, the hot tub bubbling
away with its soothing sounds.

I felt a little lost the next day when I woke up outside. My body was twisted
and sore when I tried to stand up, but at least my head felt okay. My mouth,
on the other hand, felt like I had tried to swallow a box of cotton balls. I
went to the fridge and downed two water bottles as fast as I could get them
in, and immediately felt better. I decided to wait on breakfast until I had
cleaned up a bit.

Once I was showered, shaved, and dressed in yet another pair of shorts and
Hawaiian shirt, I felt a lot better. I fixed myself some granola and ate the
rest of the fruit platter with it. Looked like I might need to make another
trip for groceries soon.

I had no plans for today, and frankly, my bright ideas from the day before
didn't seem so great now. I don't know if I was tired, bored, or just lonely.
I think it was a combination of them all. I just had no motivation to do
anything. All I could foresee of interest for the day was Sam coming out to
the clean the pool. At least he would be someone to talk to for a while.
Maybe he would even let me help run the robot scrubber thingy. That sounded
kind of cool.

Once I had my mind on Sam, I kind of went a little nuts. I started thinking
about what I should wear when he arrived. Should I have anything special to
drink for him, maybe ask him to stay to dinner? Desperate, I know, but I was
lonely. It would be nice to have one meal with someone to talk to besides the
waiter. I knew nothing would come of it - he was straight - but he was also
nice, and he needed to eat, right. He might say yes. It was worth a try. At
least it was a fun way to kill time.

I decided to go for a casual meal. I couldn't really cook, but I could grill
steaks. Maybe bake a potato. Better yet, I could have Whole Foods bake the
potatoes and make the salads and all the rest, and all I had to do was grill.
I thought I might just be able to pull that off. I took stock of everything I
already had by way of food, then headed into town.

Whole Foods was busy. The lines in front of each counter were long, but I had
only this one thing to do today, so I was content to wait my turn. I spent
the time looking at recipe cards for interesting dishes that they had
displayed everywhere. I would not attempt to make most of them, but a lot of
them sounded really good.

At the meat counter, the butcher guy selected two large, grass fed Prime New
York strip steaks. He suggested a specific dry rub marinade for them, and
told me how to prepare the steaks. He asked how I was cooking them, and he
gave me some detailed instructions on how to do the grilling so they came out
perfectly medium. I could adjust a couple of minutes either way for rare or
well done.

I chose a simple garden salad to be safe. I had no idea what Sam liked to
eat, and frankly I nearly scrapped the whole idea over the salad bar with all
its options. How do you put out a meal for someone you don't know? Madness!
Salad dressing was another tightrope of despair. I settled on a balsamic
vinaigrette, again playing it safe.

The prepared foods bar had one of my favorites - twice baked potatoes. They
were huge, and looked yummy. I got four in case I screwed something up. The
clerk told me to put them under a broiler for 5 minutes before serving. I
thought I could do that. If I can figure out how to get the broiler on.
That's somewhere in the oven, right?

I don't really like vegetables, but Sam probably did, so I selected some thin
green beans to cook. That was one vegetable I could get down. I asked another
clerk what was the best way to cook them, and he had a super simple way of
doing it. I needed to remember olive oil now. And garlic and shallots,
whatever those were.

At the olive bar, I gathered an assortment of them and put that in a large
plastic tub. I still had my cheese platter and the crisps and toasts platter.
I thought they were still good.

I found garlic and shallots, which turned out to be tiny little oniony
things, in the fresh produce area. Olive oil was tough - there were only
maybe 100 different kinds on the shelf. I stood back and watched other people
select their favorites. The first brand that was selected by three people was
the one I got. Turned out it was the only one I'd ever heard of anyway.

For dessert I was going to get more chocolate covered strawberries, but then
thought better of it. Much too suggestive. This was just a meal between two
guys. Nothing romantic, just good food and conversation. Hopefully. I instead
got another fruit tray and some flavored dipping creams for an added treat.
That could be fun.

I thought about getting a bottle of wine, but I was completely lost when it
came to alcohol. I knew nothing about beer, wine or liquor of any kind. I
decided to skip it. I didn't want Sam getting drunk anyway. He had to drive
home after dinner. And besides, he might as well get to know me as the
teetotaler that I am.

By the time I got all of that food back to the house it was nearly lunch
time. I put it all away for now and made myself two sandwiches from the left
over chicken and ate those with a salad and some chips. I realized as the
food hit my stomach that I was excited and nervous about the dinner plans.
What if he said he couldn't stay? How do I not seem desperate and freakishly
lonely? I decided to play it as cool and casual as I could. In the end, it
was only one meal. And it wasn't his last meal ever, so if he did stay, and I
screwed something up, oh well. He'd live to eat again with somebody else.

I started a new Robert Ludlum novel, a sequel to the first one I'd read, as a
way to get my mind off of the upcoming meal. It sort of worked for a while,
but then my thoughts would drift back to Sam and whether or not he would
stay. Somewhere in there I also realized that my thoughts had moved pretty
far away from Sam being a potential lover. I still thought he was hot, but
like always, once I figured a guy was straight, I stopped fantasizing about
having sex with them. Which in this case was a real relief. I wanted Sam as a
friend, even if it was only for two more weeks.

He was due to start on the pool sometime around 3, and I figured he wouldn't
get done until 5 or so. Maybe half way through that time frame I could
casually suggest he join me for a steak and potato. It sounded plausible to
me. I hoped it worked, otherwise I had a lot of potatoes and green beans to
eat.

I stayed in the clothes I had put on that morning. Honestly, since it wasn't
a date, I figured he probably wouldn't notice my clothes anyway. I hoped my
dick stayed down this time. I didn't want him thinking I was a perv, even
though I really was. I giggled to myself over that.

I heard his truck pull in around 3:15. Actually, I saw it from the laundry
room window where I had been camped out since 2:45 hoping he would show and
not send someone else in his place. Maybe he was scared of me, if he really
did catch me staring at him out that same window the other day.

He was dressed much the same as Monday. Fantastic ass in form fitting cargo
shorts, a tight Paradise Pools t-shirt, and brown leather flip flops today.
He had a pair of dark sunglasses on that I swear looked just like the pair I
bought. He grabbed his tool bucket from the back of the pickup truck and
header around the garage. At least that's where I think he went. I'd ducked
down lest he see me spying on him again.

I hurried back to the lanai and arranged myself on a lounge chair as if I had
been there all afternoon and had no expectation of his arrival. I saw his
head come around the side of the house and gradually rise up to pool level as
he came up the steps to the deck.

"Hey, Jack! You're here! Good to see you, man." He practically shouted at me.
He really seemed glad I was there.

"Yep, I'm here. And now you are, too." Real smooth, Jack. Moron.

"How's your head today? Get over that headache from the sun okay?" He
remembered. Damn. This was a great guy.

"Yes. I followed your advice, got some sun screen and I keep that on whenever
I go out, especially driving with the top down. I also got some shades. Mine
are very similar to yours, I think."

"Really? Let's see 'em." Interesting. A version of you show me yours, I'll
show you mine? I went to my bedroom and returned with the sun glasses.

"Wow! They're exactly the same. Cool. Sunglasses Hut?" He asked.

"Yeah. And you were right. They cost a bundle."

"I know, right. But your eyes are probably already feeling better in the sun.
I know mine did, and I'm around water all day, so the sun reflecting off of
that was murder on the eyes. So I decided it was worth not eating for a
week." He laughed. I hoped he was joking. That would be sad if it were true.
But then again, how much can a pool boy make?

"Well, between the sun screen, the sun glasses, and the case of water I
drank, I'm feeling just fine now."

"Glad to hear it, Jack. I hated the idea that you were laying here on the
lanai in pain when you should be out enjoying your vacation." Is this guy for
real? Amazing man. I think he really, truly cares. Friendship was looking
like a real possibility.

"Thanks, Sam. I appreciate your advice. And your concern. But I'm all good
now."

"So I better get started on the pool. It'll take about two hours, maybe a
little less. I'm sorry, but you'll have to stay out of the hot tub and pool
'til I'm done."

"No problem, Sam. Could you use a hand with anything?" I could ask. He didn't
have to say yes.

"Sure, if you want to. We might get it done faster that way." He was
grateful; I was cursing myself for speeding things up. Stupid, stupid,
stupid.

"You'll have to show me what to do. I've never cleaned a pool before."

"It's pretty easy. I've got a couple of things you can do right away. Let me
get the equipment out and we'll get started." With that he turned and headed
back down to the pool control room. He came back carrying a very long pole
with a flat oval-shaped net on the end. He put that down on the deck then
went back and returned with a long plastic blue and white vacuum cleaner type
hose and a canister contraption on blue plastic wheels.

"Okay, Jack. Here's what we'll do. We'll put Robbie here in the water and get
him going scrubbing the bottom. He'll wander around and take about an hour to
get it all. In the meantime, if you wouldn't mind skimming the top surface
with the long net, I can work on cleaning out the mechanicals down below."

Crap! I wanted to work with him, not for him. Oh, well, if was helping,
that's what friends do, right? So I could be cool with that. Sam got Robbie
the robot scrubber hooked up the vacuum hoses and then plugged the other end
of the hose into a hidden receptacle in the flower bed at the end of the
pool. Immediately Robbie started making sucking noises. Sam dropped him
gently over the side and positioned him in one corner. Robbie took off at a
snail's pace, hopefully doing a good job of scrubbing the bottom.

Next Sam motioned for me to join him at the side of the pool. He put the pole
in my hands, then stood very close behind me and grabbed the pole on either
side of my hands from around back. It was like a reverse hug was happening,
and suddenly my dick was getting in the act. I closed my eyes and thought
about Madge until it went back down a bit. Close call.

"Now, Jack. This isn't hard, but if you don't hold the pole in a balanced
way, your back is gonna hurt pretty bad in a little while, okay?" Again with
the thoughtful concern for me. I really liked this guy.

Together we maneuvered the cleaning screen across the surface of the pool,
catching a surprising amount of gunk in the process. Sam showed me how to
turn the screen over and put the mess is a single place of the deck for easy
disposal later.

"Robbie down there cleans the bottom, but some of what he stirs up floats to
the surface. That's why we do both at the same time. It does a better job of
getting everything out of the pool before it can clog up the filters. Which
is what I need to go clean out now. You alright with this pole, Jack?"

"Yeah, I think so. Does it look like I'm doing it right?"

"Sure does. Just try to remember where you pull out and put it back in and
you'll do great." He turned and walked away and I smiled at his unintended
double entendre. My dick was hardening again. This time I let it have some
fun, too.

He was only gone for maybe twenty minutes, during which time Robbie the robot
had maybe completed a third of the pool floor. He was stirring up a lot of
crap at the deeper end, and I was trying to keep up with it. Thankfully Sam
came up behind me and reached around and grabbed the pole by my hands and we
moved it around together. I wasn't sure that was necessary, but I wasn't
going to complain. He felt good back there. There was nothing sexual about
it, but proximity can breed its own excitement.

Once we had caught up to the crap storm floating to the surface, Sam let me
have the pole back and I kept pace with the robot until the job was done. Sam
busied himself opening up trap doors and filters around the edge of the pool.
He pulled out loads of gunk. Yuck! I could now see why it needed to be done
every week.

By the time Sam called the job done my arms and back were tired. But I felt
good that I had helped. To be honest, other than tipping the valet the other
day, that might have been the best part of my vacation so far. It was clear I
was craving human interaction, and I would take it however it came my way.

I helped Sam pull Robbie out of the water and together we got him, the hoses,
and the cleaning pole back down to the pool control room. I didn't go in
there, it was a tight squeeze for Sam alone.

"Can I get you something to drink, Sam? I don't have any beer or anything,
but I can get you water, milk, or lemonade, maybe."

"I never drink alcohol, Jack, so no worries. But I'd love some water.
Cleaning the pool is hard work." Interesting. No alcohol, like me. Cool.

"You did great today, Jack. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you'd done
that before."

"Nope. I just had a good teacher. Come on, let's get a drink." Too can play
the nice-nice game.

We stepped up onto the lanai and I pulled two cold water bottles out of the
fridge. Sam saw the fruit and cheese platters in there and asked, "Wow, you
planning a party tonight, Jack? Looks like you got a lot of nice food in
there."

"If you only knew, Sam." He raised his eyebrows as if to say, go ahead, tell
me. So I did.

"The thing is, Sam, I'm here by myself. I don't know anybody in Hawaii and
the longest conversation I've had in nearly a week is you teaching me how to
clean the pool. And...I can't really cook...so I got some prepared foods that I
can reheat easily. That way I won't starve."

"Gee, Jack. You're here by yourself? Must get awfully lonely. Hawaii is a
place to explore and have adventures, not sit alone somewhere. No offense."

"None taken, I promise. I agree with you. I tried going on a Pearl Harbor
tour yesterday, and it was okay, but I came away feeling even lonelier
because I was the only single person on the tour."

"Yeah, that would suck. Nobody to talk with about what you're seeing and
doing. I'd go with you if you want to do another tour or something. I love
that stuff. I've done Pearl three times I think. I learn something new every
time."

I swear I nearly fell off my stool. Here I was dreading him declining my
dinner invitation, which we hadn't even gotten to yet, and he was offering to
be my tour buddy. I was going to have to find a way to take him up on that.

"I appreciate the offer, Sam. That's huge. But you have work to do. I can't
drag you away from that."

"Sure you can. I've worked six days a week for nearly 11 months straight. My
boss makes me take Sundays off. I usually hit the beach with some friends and
we hang out all day. Then it's back to work on Monday. Tommy, that's my boss,
and my best friend, he's always on my case about taking a day off. Says I'm
gonna burn out. How ya gonna burn out cleaning pools? It's like the most
mindless thing you can do outside. Probably why I like it so much. But hey,
if you want to take off and see the sights someday, I'd love you show you
around. It'd be fun." He was thinking about it and the thought was making him
happy. It was making me happy, too.

"Well, I'll look into it then, Sam. I'm sure there are some things left to do
around this island besides shop."

"Ewwww. You can keep shopping. Only way I go into a mall is if I know what I
need and where it is. I'm in and out as fast as possible. 'Sides, I don't
exactly have a ton of money to blow anyway. But I'm cool with that." There's
a story there, but that will have to wait. I'm hungry, and I'm hoping he is
too.

"Sam, can I ask you something? I was planning on grilling a steak for dinner.
I have two. Care to join me? I haven't had a meal with another human being in
I don't know how long."

"Did you say steak?"

"Yeah, and I've got some potatoes, salad, green beans, and maybe some other
stuff if you want."

"Oh, yeah. I'll stay, Jack. You had me at steak. Hell, you'd a had me with a
hamburger."

"Awesome. It'll take just a few minutes to put it all together. You wanna do
the grilling part?" At that moment, I thought I should give him something to
do. Guys like to do stuff.

"Do I get to use that monster grill over there?" He was looking like a kid in
a toy store.

"Go get it, Sam. It's all yours. Let me know if you need a hand, but I doubt
you will." He jumped up and started figuring out how to light the grill, and
I got the broiler turned on. I had practiced earlier so I was prepared. I
also turned on one of the other oven to 450 degrees for the green beans. I
was secretly referring to an index card in my pocket where I written
everything down.

I had two things to cook, along with the steak, which was now Sam's
responsibility. I had put the dry marinade on the steaks just before Sam got
there, so they should be perfectly ready to go. I pulled them from the fridge
to come to room temperature. Next, I pulled a flat cookie sheet from the
cabinet by the stove and put the green beans that I had washed and trimmed
earlier on that. I drizzled some olive oil on them and got them good and
coated. Then I salted and peppered them and they were ready for the oven. I
grabbed a chef's knife and smashed two cloves of garlic like I had seen my
mother do on occasion and minced that up. I sliced up the shallots as thin as
I could without cutting my fingers. I got close once - that's all I needed. A
trip to the hospital instead of dinner with Sam. Be careful, Jack. Don't
screw this up.

I pulled two of the potatoes out of the fridge, unwrapped them from the
plastic wrap keeping them fresh, and put them on another cookie sheet. All
was ready. It was now all about timing.

"Grill's ready to go, Jack, whenever you are."

"The steaks are right there on the counter. The butcher suggested 8 minutes
the first side, 6 the other to get them to medium. Does that sound right to
you?"

"Sounds perfect to me. I like mine medium, too. Let's do this." I heard the
sizzle as the steaks hit the grill. I put the green beans in - they needed 15
minutes. The steaks would come off the grill and rest for 5-10 minutes so I
think we had this right. I quickly pulled together the salad into a big bowl
I'd found and set a couple places at the table. I had even found some linen
napkins in the dining room hutch. I hoped it was okay I was using them.

When Sam turned the steaks, I put the garlic and shallots on the green beans
and stirred them up. They were just starting to soften and char a bit. They
smelled good. I put the potatoes under the broiler and set the timer for 5
minutes and crossed my fingers they didn't burn.

When the timer dinged, I pulled the potatoes - perfection. Sam pulled the
steaks onto the platter I had given him and covered them with foil wrap. I
pulled the green beans and scraped them into a serving bowl and we were
almost ready to eat.

Of course I had forgotten the olives and cheeses and crackers. Crap! But
really, did it matter? We had a serious amount of food to eat already. I let
it go. Maybe he'd stay for dinner next Monday, too.

We sat down and dug in. It was all perfect.

"Sam, great job on the steaks. Mine is perfect. And I love the flavor. That
butcher knew what he was talking about."

"This might be the best steak I've ever eaten, Jack. And killer potatoes.
Twice baked are my absolute favorite. My mom makes them for me whenever I get
back home. My sister and I fight over the leftovers."

"I like them, too. I'm not a fan of vegetables, but I like the way the green
beans turned out. Kinda different."

"They're great. Excellent meal. Thanks for asking me to stay. This sure beats
ramen noodles again."

"Come on, Sam. You don't eat Ramen noodles for every meal, do you?"

"Naw, but it feels like it. I'm saving up everything I can. I start law
school in the fall, and I don't want to have to work a job my first year. So
every penny counts right now."

"So, you're finishing your undergrad and then starting law school, huh."

"Not exactly, Jack. I finished my pre-law degree and graduated last May from
UCLA. I got a full ride scholarship for Law School at Washington University
in St. Louis. But I decided I needed to take a bye year and get my head
straight before starting that. Now I'm anxious to get on with it. I move to
St. Louis in August I guess." He didn't elaborate on why he needed the break,
and I didn't ask. If my mental math was right, he was probably a year younger
than me, 23 or 24.

"What about you, Jack? How'd you end up here in Hawaii?" He sat back and held
his hands across his stomach. I had to decide quickly how to play this. I
opted for a similar story to what I told Marcus.

"Well, I got my Business Management degree two years ago, and I've been
working as an office manager and bookkeeper ever since. I'm from Chicago, by
the way, but I actually grew up near St. Louis, on the Illinois side of the
river. Anyway, a few weeks ago I found out a relative I had never met had
left me a house in Denver and some money. So last week I packed up what
little I had, and I'm starting over in Denver in a little over two weeks. I
never had the chance to travel, so I came here thinking a three week vacation
would be a dream come true. I got a sweet, sweet deal to stay here last
minute, and the rest you know. It hasn't worked out all that great, but today
has been a big improvement."

"So you're what, about 24, 25?"

"Yeah, I'll be 25 next month. And you?"

"I turn 24 in June, so you got a full year on me, Jack. You're old." He
smiled like that was a cool thing to him. He was a bit of a smart ass, I
think. I didn't care. I liked him.

"So, law school. Is that something you've always wanted to do?" I asked.

"Pretty much since I was in junior high. My old man is a lawyer, corporate
stuff mostly. I got to go to court with him on like a bring-your-kid-to-work
day, and I was hooked. I kept looking at that judge sitting high up there in
front, in the robes and the gavel, and I thought, that's what I want to be
someday. Gonna take a long time to get there, but it's all I've wanted to do
for as long as I can remember."

"What about you, Jack? What are you going to be doing in Denver?" Crap! What
do I say? I didn't really know myself.

"Well, I'm not totally clear on all the details yet. I have a job offer in a
financial services group with a bank. They said they are willing to teach me
the ropes if I'm willing to learn. So it will be a learn-on-the-job thing. I
also have thought about going back to school to get my MBA, but I'm not sure
what I'd use it for yet. So we'll see."

"So you're a pretty smart student, Jack?" He really wanted to know stuff
about me. This was cool.

"Kinda, I guess. I got mostly As in high school and college. But nobody
really cares after you graduate. At least that's been the case for me. I
suppose if I decide to go to grad school I'll have to take some kind of test
or something."

"Tell me about it. I did good in school, too. Like you. But the LSAT test for
law school was a bitch, let me tell you. I studied for that thing for 6
months. Thankfully I did well enough to get the scholarship. Probably helped
my old man graduated from there a thousand years ago." He started yawning,
and I realized that it was nearly 8 o'clock and we hadn't had dessert.

"You want any dessert, Sam? I've got fresh fruit and cheese if you'd like
some."

"Sounds great, Jack, but I'm still stuffed. That steak was huge. I don't eat
like this all the time. But thank you. Whadda ya say we clean up and then I
better get going. I've got a 45 minute drive back to my apartment and Fridays
are an early day for me." He stood up and started carrying dishes to the
sink. I followed with mine.

We had everything ship shape in short order. I was hand washing the meat
platter and the cookie sheets - I wasn't sure they could go in the dishwasher
- and Sam was drying. I caught him looking at me out of the corner of his eye
and couple of times with a puzzled look on his face, like he was trying to
figure something out.

I told him he could walk through the house to the front door to get to his
truck. It seemed silly to have him walk all the way around outside. Besides,
he wasn't the hired help anymore. He was my friend. At least I hoped he was
becoming my friend.

"Jack, this was a great afternoon and evening. Thanks for helping me, and for
the great dinner. I was wondering, could I return the favor and invite you
out tomorrow night to a movie and maybe some pizza afterwards. The guys, that
is, some of my friends, are wanting to see the new Jason Statham action
movie. You interested?" Did he just ask me out? No, Jack. It's a guys' night
out. Get a grip.

"Well...are you sure your friends would be okay with me tagging along? I mean
they don't know me."

"Forget that, Jack. I didn't know you before today and you're a great guy.
They'll be cool with you along. Say you'll come. You don't want be here all
by yourself, and to tell you the truth, I'd like you to meet Tommy, my best
friend. He's a native Hawaiian, and he knows all the little secrets of the
cool stuff off the beaten trail, if you know what I mean. You'd like him."

I threw caution to the wind and jumped. "Okay...yeah, I'll go. When and where
do I meet you?"

"Tell you what, driving in Hono on a Friday night can be a nightmare. I'll
pick you up here at 6 and we should have plenty of time to meet the gang for
the 7 o'clock show. Sound good?"

"Whatever you say, Sam. I'll be ready. Do I need to bring anything?"

"No, and leave your wallet, too. It's my turn to treat. 'Course there's no
pizza in Hawaii as good as that steak, so you'll have to make do." He laughed
and stepped out into the dark driveway. I stood there as he got in and waved
back to him as he drove down the driveway.

Holy crap! That went better than I could have ever dreamed. I was in shock -
a pleasant shock for a change. Sam was an awesome guy. And not only had he
stayed for dinner, he was taking me out tomorrow. What the hell just
happened?

My mind started down multiple paths at once. Was Sam really straight and just
wanted to be nice and help me out, or could he maybe be gay, and his interest
was much more? I didn't really know. I was pretty sure he was straight. I
mean, there was no clue otherwise. I was also pretty sure I had given him no
clue I was gay, but that was by habit, not real intention - I think.

If he did somehow think I was gay, he still asked me to meet his friends -
his best friend, even - and go to a movie with them. That was huge for me.
That meant he wasn't freaked out by me being gay. And he didn't feel like he
had to hide me from his friends. And maybe, just maybe, if he was gay, too...

I couldn't let my mind go there with Sam. Yes, he was smoking hot, and my
dick got hard yet again just thinking for two seconds about his laugh, his
face, his ass, and those eyes! But if he was straight, and I was still
thinking he was, then I would just be torturing myself.

I was content to have Sam as a friend. He was an incredibly decent, nice guy.
He made me believe that he cared about me - in two short visits together! He
looked at me in a way that made me feel like he wanted to take away every
difficulty or challenge in my life and make it all easier. Who does that? I'm
sure that was the main reason he invited me to the movie - so I wouldn't be
stuck at the house, alone again.

I started crying, thinking about all the little ways he had tried to take
care of me. The sunscreen, the sunglasses, holding the pole with me so my
back wouldn't hurt. Offering to go on tours with me he had already been on.
Inviting me out and including me with his friends. No guy had ever been that
kind to me. Ever.


I wondered again why I always seemed to cry at the nice things in life. I
finally dried my face, blew my nose, and called it a night. After the
emotional catharsis, my body was screaming for sleep. I thought I'd be
tossing and turning all night but surprise, surprise, I dropped off to sleep
the second I hit the bed. Slept like a baby.

The next day was filled with alternating excitement and anxiety. My mind just
wouldn't calm down with all the questions and doubts. What would Sam do when
he finds out I'm gay for sure. Because he's going to, because I'm going to
tell him eventually. I had promised myself no more hiding. I didn't have to
walk in a room singing show tunes - although that actually sounded like fun
to me - but I wasn't going to pretend to be straight, either, just to keep
his friendship. Did he already have a clue? Was there something I did or said
that gave away the secret? We didn't talk about relationships, so there was
no dodge. I replayed every minute of the day over and over again and could
not think of anything that came close to my being gay.

And I was nervous about meeting his friends. I usually didn't do well in a
crowd. I was more of a one-person-at-a-time kind of guy. And if one of them
sussed out I was gay, well then, the whole crowd could go nuts. And I would
not expect Sam to side with me, although I suspected he was a nice enough guy
that he would not be the one causing trouble. He might even be willing to
still drive me home. I decided to make sure I had plenty of cash for cab fare
in case I needed it.

I spent the day agonizing over what to wear, how hot or cold was it going to
be at night, where exactly was he taking me, how many guys were going to be
there, would they want to go drinking afterwards, how did Sam handle that
since he said he never drinks? Ugh! Endless questions.

I finally settled on jeans and a Hawaiian shirt that Sam had not seen me in
yet. I would wear my top siders, no socks, and that would be that. Casual,
but appropriate for any typical movie theatre or dining establishment. I
didn't want to look like I was trying too hard. I really wasn't. I hadn't
been out on a guys' night in ages. The last one had ended early for me when
Fred's friends decided to start with tequila shots at a club first thing.

By 5:30 I had showered twice, fixed my hair three times, and put on and
washed off my Bulgari MAN cologne twice. I put a light spray on for the last
time and told myself enough was enough. I liked it, and it wasn't super
strong. I got dressed and made sure my shirt was not wrinkled. I ironed it
again, just to be safe. I even wiped my leather top siders with a damp towel
so they shined.

Sam pulled in promptly at 6. I was watching from the window, but then I
stepped away. I didn't want to appear too eager. But I was shaking, I was so
excited. And it was only a movie. Get a grip, Jack!

The doorbell rang and I opened that huge wooden door. Sam was dressed in
almost an identical outfit. His shirt was tan with off white flowers, mine
was a light blue with similar flowers. He had on black loafers, and no socks
as well. He stood there with a big smile on his face.

"You ready, Jack?"

"Yep, all set. Let's do it." I closed the door behind me and heard it latch.
I followed him to the truck. I could be mistaken, but it seemed like he
almost stopped to open my door for me, but then shook it off and kept moving.
I was glad. That would have been awkward and confusing for me. I did not now,
nor did I ever, want to be treated like a girl in any relationship I may have
with a man. I am not a woman, I don't act like one, and I don't want to be
treated like one. Some guys eat that up - which is cool for them - but not
me.

We chatted about his work day as we made our way down the mountain and into
Honolulu proper. He was right - traffic was a nightmare. We barely made it to
the theatre in time for the start of the show. When we pulled in and parked,
he turned off the truck and checked his text messages. His phone had been
going off for the past ten minutes.

"Fuck! Oh, sorry, Jack. That slipped out. Shit!" He was very upset.

"What's wrong, Sam? Something happen?"

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry, Jack, but it looks like the other guys have bailed on
us tonight. One of the guy's cousins is over from the states and they are
taking him out drinking for his 21st. Tommy knows I don't do that shit. I
hate drinking just to get drunk. So stupid." Wow! Sam felt the same passion I
did about it. Very interesting.

"So what do we do now, Sam? See the movie anyway? We're here." I was trying
to be helpful, but I knew he was very disappointed. He wanted me to meet
Tommy if nothing else.

"Do you still want to, Jack? I mean...it's just me. Are you cool with that?"

"Cool with what? Hanging out with a new friend? Yeah, I can handle that. And
thank you for not dragging me to a bar. I can't handle that scene either." I
hoped calling him a friend didn't scare him off. I guess not, because he was
smiling again.

"Alright then, let's do this. Movie, then pizza." So we did.

Sam offered to buy me some popcorn, but I declined. I was having pizza later
and I noticed my jeans were a little tight tonight. Need to lay off the rich
desserts and other crap.

The movie was okay. Jason Statham was a pretty good actor, for an action
flick. I actually kept watching him, seeing the resemblance to Sam in his
face and mannerisms. Of course the accent was totally not the same, and Sam
had all his hair, but standing there, they could have been brothers - or at
least close cousins. Both of them were hot.

After the movie, Sam went on and on about it for the entire 15 minute ride to
the pizza joint. I liked to hear him so animated and passionate, even about
something that wasn't real, like a movie. I was beginning to realize that Sam
put a lot of himself into the things he cared about. If it was on his radar,
he was pretty much all in.

His mood was back to happy. He had shrugged off the earlier change in plans
and was laughing as he remembered a funny scene from the movie.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I'm running off at the mouth again. I get like that when
I'm excited about something. Just ignore it."

"No, no, Sam. It's cool. I like it that you get passionate about stuff. Shows
you're alive...real. I liked the movie, though not as much as you, I think." I
smiled at him and he smiled back.

There was a small connection in that smile exchange. I almost didn't catch
it. It was a fleeting moment and then it was gone. I didn't think it was
sexual. It was deeper, like we had taken some silent step to cement a
friendship. It was weird for me, because this was truly all new stuff.

Nothing more was said as we looked over the menus. They had maybe forty
options for pizza. I was a simple and traditional guy. But I decided I would
eat whatever Sam wanted, as he was buying. I felt really funny about him
spending his hard earned money on me, but I was determined to let it go.

"Alright, Jack. Decision time. On the count of three, we both put our finger
on our pizza of choice, then we see how close we are. Ready? 1-2-3." We both
slammed a finger down on the menu.

"Jack! You picked the same as me!" Sure enough we were both pointing to the
house special - sausage, onions, green peppers, tomatoes and extra cheese.
"That's so cool. Whadda ya want to drink?"

"Diet Coke is fine, if they have it."

He ordered everything when our waitress came over. She was quite beautiful in
a college coed kind of way. I was surprised that Sam hardly ever even looked
at her. I'm gay, and I looked. He was staring at me.

"So Jack, tell me more about yourself. Are you excited to be moving to
Denver?"

"Yeah, I think so. Excited and scared, maybe. I met some people on my trip
there that are very nice, so I won't be totally alone. And I'll be busy with
work, most likely. I tend to jump in and bury myself in it until I have some
idea that I know what I'm doing. How about you, are you excited about law
school?"

"Yeah. I am now. For a while there I wasn't sure I could go through with it.
It's three years of intense study. My dad tells me all the time that it was
the most grueling and rewarding thing he ever went through. I guess I'll see
for myself. Not wild about living in St. Louis. Seems lame compared to LA."

"Hey now, you're talking about my home town - well, kinda. I grew up in a
very small town in the country. We got to St. Louis maybe a couple times a
month at most. Usually for shopping. It's not huge, not like Chicago, or LA,
I guess. But it has its good points, probably. Though it's not the weather,
that's for sure."

"Oh, why not?"

"Hot and humid in the summer, cold and snow and tons of ice in the winter.
You definitely get four seasons, and some extreme days mixed in. Nothing like
Hawaii."

"Ha! There's no place like Hawaii. It's like too perfect almost. I'm spoiled
living here. I like the pace and the job and the carefree attitude of it all.
But I can't make a living cleaning pools. This was only supposed to be a
temporary thing, so I guess it's time to suck it up and get on with my life."

Our waitress arrived with our pizza and drinks, and we dug in with gusto. It
was really, really good pizza. Or maybe it tasted good because I was eating
it with a really, really good guy. If I could, I would have stayed in that
booth with him, talking all night.

When the last slice was consumed, and I couldn't swallow another mouthful of
soda, we both leaned back in the booth and turned a little sideways to get
more comfortable.  My jeans were feeling really tight now. Sam was looking
very thoughtful, like he was working out a puzzle or something. He must have
made a decision, because he nodded his head once, I guess to himself, and
then looked up at me.

"Jack, I want to tell you something. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I
should. Is that okay?" He looked at me for permission. What was I going to
say, no?

"Yeah, Sam. You can tell me anything. Go ahead." I sat back, intrigued.

"The only other person who knows about this out here is Tommy. He's why I'm
here, or at least he's the one that asked me to come here. Ugh. This is hard.
Let me start at the beginning.

"I was in a two year relationship while I was in college. I thought it was
forever. I mean I was totally in love and I thought it was mutual. We were
planning on law school together, even. It was all set. Then, in late March,
just over a year ago now, it all fell apart. The relationship ended - I had
no idea it was coming. I was totally blindsided. All my plans, our plans,
were scrapped in a single conversation. It was devastating.

I don't know how I got through my final semester. I don't remember much of
it. The only person who knew what had happened was my best friend Tommy. I
think he got really concerned for me, like maybe I was going to hurt myself.
I would never do that, but I was definitely depressed.

I eventually told my parents. My mother was my mother. She wanted to get on a
plane and fly to LA and make me food. My dad was sort of sympathetic, but
then he started reminding me in every conversation that I needed to pull
myself together and go to law school. Stay with the plan. The thing is, that
plan only reminded me of what I had lost. I didn't want that plan anymore.

During finals week, Tommy told me he had heard that sometimes you could defer
a scholarship for one year. Maybe I should do that - I think he knew that if
I went right away I was never gonna make it through. So I called them, and
they didn't like it, but they agreed to it. My old man went through the roof.
Said some not nice things to me, told me to grow a pair and get over it, and
shit like that. He later apologized. He never stays mad. I realized later he
was just scared I was gonna throw my life away.

So anyway, that's how I ended up here in Hawaii. Tommy talked to his dad and
they gave me the job. I got a tiny studio apartment near the shop and I work
in the sun all day and try not to think about what could have been. I'm now
starting to think about my future again, and I'm ready. I want it now more
than ever. I realized that after we talked last night, so thanks, Jack, for
the clarity." With that he sat back, and took a deep breath.

"Wow, Sam. That's quite a story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It had
to be awful. Thank goodness you had a friend like Tommy to help you through
it. I can see why you talk about him the way you do. He must mean a lot to
you now."

"Yeah. He probably saved my life. He certainly saved my future. But don't
tell him I said that. He's already a pill sometimes. Thinks he's the greatest
guy alive and every woman is searching the oceans for him. A lot of them find
him, too." He laughed at that.

"So Jack, any special relationship in your life. Ever get close to settling
down?" It was an innocent question, and I was expecting it to happen at some
point. I had two seconds to decide what I was going to say. Do I hide, or do
I tell him the truth. I squeezed my hands together under the table to hide
the shaking. I was glad it was just the two of us.

"No, not really, Sam. I've never been in a relationship to speak of."

"Nothing? Surely you've dated though, right?" He wasn't challenging, just
gently inquiring. He really wanted to know me. He'd just told me his biggest
secret. I needed to tell him mine.

"No, I haven't, Sam. To be honest, I've been too scared to pursue
relationships. I don't have a ton of confidence, though I'm trying to get
better. The thing is, I...uh...well, it's not easy for me. I get scared...I've sort
of been hiding a lot." I was struggling to find the right words. This was so
hard.

Then Amanda's words came to me - do it afraid, Jack. Do it afraid.

"Hiding what, Jack?" And just like that, Sam gave me the opening to say it. I
took a deep breath. I couldn't look at him - I kept staring at the checkered
tablecloth.

"I've been hiding the fact that I'm...that I, uh...I'm...Sam, I'm gay." It came out
in a whisper, but I got it out. I let out the breath I'd been holding, too,
and waited, shaking in fear of how he would react. I just got him as a
friend, maybe my best friend, if that was even possible this fast, and I knew
I was going to lose him now.

There was silence on the other side of the table. Now I was really scared. I
very slowly looked up at him, and he was looking at me, staring right into my
eyes. I know it sounds clichéd, but he was looking right into my soul. I
couldn't tell what he was thinking - his stare was so intense, so focused, so
all-consuming somehow. I looked away and then the room started closing in on
me. My old anxieties starting rising up, and I could feel the pizza rise with
them.

"Sam, I need to get out of here. I'm sorry." I stood up and walked as fast as
I could outside. I moved over away from the entrance a few feet and stood
near a trash can, in case I did lose my dinner. It was 50-50 at the moment. I
was trembling, and I was angry. Angry at myself for being so emotional about
it, still so fearful. This had to end - it had to.

Sam came rushing out a couple of minutes later. He must have had to pay the
bill I guess. He was frantically looking for me, and when he saw I was still
there and had not run away, he sighed and walked slowly over to me. His eyes
were back to full on intense, exploring my soul.

"You gonna be alright, Jack?" I nodded, and he reached out his hand and put
it on my shoulder. It was comforting, but still a little awkward. I wished he
had put his arm around me completely, like he had when we cleaned the pool. I
suddenly wanted to be in his arms so badly, straight or not.

"Come on, let's walk a little." He turned, never taking his hand off my
shoulder, but sort of guiding me to follow him. We crossed the street, and I
noticed that his hand was now at the small of my back. Not in constant
contact, but often enough I knew it was there. I trusted that touch. I don't
know why, but I did. At that moment it was the only thing holding back a
total breakdown.

A block down the road, he led me onto the beach. It was dark, but the street
lights threw enough light that I could see the sand at my feet - barely. The
darkness was comforting in its own way. The walking started to get tough in
the sand. Sam suddenly stopped.

"Jack, let's sit here for a minute or two. Would that be okay?" I nodded
again. I still hadn't said a single word to him after I told him I was gay.

I plopped down on the sand and drew my knees up to my chest. I wrapped my
arms around them and held myself tightly. Sam sat in a similar fashion next
to me, almost touching shoulders. I wished they were. We sat like that, in a
surprisingly comfortable silence, for several minutes. Then Sam wanted to
talk.

"How ya doin', Jack?"

"I'm a little cold, but I'm okay. Sorry about the freak out back there. I
hate that I do that." I was almost in tears, just like that. But I held them
back with everything I had.

"Here, don't move." He got up and moved behind me, then sat down with his
legs on either side of my butt. He scooched up close so my back was touching
his chest. He leaned into me and put his long arms all the way around mine
and pulled me close to him. I melted into his embrace. The silent tears fell.
There is no way I could have stopped them. I had done the scariest thing of
my life and I landed in the safest place I had ever known - Sam's arms.

"Jack, you don't need to say anything, just listen, okay?" I nodded silently.

"That was very brave what you did back there, Jack. You're a lot tougher than
you think you are. Thank you for trusting me with that. My guess is you
haven't done that much. I'm honored that you shared your secret with me. I
really am." He squeezed me a little harder to maybe try to convince me he
meant it. I believed him. I relaxed back into him and he held me firmly.

"Jack, one more thing. You know that relationship I told you about - the one
that fell apart." Again I nodded silently. Sam leaned into me even closer and
put his lips next to my left ear.

"His name was Jeremy."



To be continued...

Author's Note: Big changes for Jack, as promised. He has finally stopped
hiding who he is. Will Sam and Jack remain friends? Perhaps something more?
Stay tuned...

Many thanks to all of you who have written to tell me how much you like this
story and the character of Jack. Please keep reading and writing to me,
sharing your ongoing thoughts about the story. They keep me motivated to
write.

Special thanks to Josh for editing this story. I appreciate the help.