Date: Sat, 18 Oct 2014 15:21:39 -0500
From: Jack Schaeffer <jack.schaeffman@gmail.com>
Subject: Forever - Chapter 13 (Beginnings)

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Comments welcomed: jack.schaeffman@gmail.com


FOREVER
By Jack Schaeffer
Copyright 2014. All rights reserved.

Chapter 13


After the guys left, Sam and I changed clothes in the bathroom facilities
there at Waimanalo Beach Park. It was kind of awkward, because instead of
changing in the open area where we had more room, Sam went into one of the
stalls to swap out his clothes. So I followed his lead, but a public toilet
stall is a cramped place for changing. And you have the added danger of
dropping something into the open toilet. Not good. Thankfully the bathroom
was reasonably clean.

To make things even more challenging, I had more of that damn sand in my ass.
I did the best I could to get it out with my hand and then put on my cargo
shorts, clean t-shirt, and top siders. I had forgotten underwear, so I was
going commando. That could be risky with Sam around. He got my motor going
way too easily. And those shorts showed everything. Sam came out of his stall
dressed similarly. He finished his look with a huge smile, aimed squarely in
my direction. I'm sure I was smiling back, because I liked what I was looking
at.

"You ready to go, Jack?" he asked. I nodded to him, even though I had no idea
what he had in mind. I was along for whatever ride he wanted to go on, just
thrilled he wanted me to be with him. I'm so easy, at least where he's
concerned.

"What are we doing tonight, Sam?" I asked, as we walked towards his truck
carrying all our beach stuff.

"Well, we could have gone with the guys, Jack, but I really just wanted to
hang with you tonight. Is that okay?" He asked it with such an innocent,
wishful expression, like me saying yes would be a Christmas present or
something.

"Sure, Sam. Sounds great to me. What'd ya have in mind?" He started grinning
like the happy camper he was now.

"Well I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. Let's find something to eat."

"Works for me, Sam. But only if you let me buy tonight. It's my turn." He
started to instinctively protest, but then he stopped without me saying
anything. He looked at me in that focused way of his, and nodded once.
Decision made I guess. So we set off back in the direction of Kailua. I told
Sam that he should pick the place since all I knew was California Pizza
Kitchen, and I was pizza-ed out.

Sam knew a shortcut through town that dumped us right across from Kailua
Beach. He pulled into a parking lot next to Buzz's Original Steak House. It
looked busy, but we weren't in a hurry. Inside, we were told it would be
about a 20 minute wait for a table. No biggie. We spent the time laughing and
remembering the fun we had had at the beach with the guys.

"Thanks for bringing me with you today, Sam. I really did have a great time.
Your friends are very nice."

"They liked you, Jack. Just like I said they would. I don't know what you
said to Tommy, but he's like your biggest fan all of a sudden. Said you were
a great guy and he had a lot of respect for you." Sam's blue eyes were
dancing with pride as he beamed at me.

I instantly swelled with pride. That Tommy would say something like that
about me, and especially to Sam, was mind-blowing. If I hadn't already
committed to being his ally where Sam was concerned, I sure would be now.
Before I could say anything, the hostess came to seat us.

Our waiter, Jennifer, was a very nice lady of about 40, full of smiles and
happy to be serving us. Made me feel like a favorite aunt was taking care of
us. After telling us the specials, she was off to get our drinks.

Sam was looking at the menu with a distressed look. "Damn, Jack. I didn't
know this place was so expensive. I'm sorry, man. Do you want to go somewhere
else? We could find a sandwich shop or something."

"Sam, I think I can handle this one meal. I've reserved a few shekels for a
special occasion on my vacation. It'll be fine. Get whatever you want. I mean
it, don't worry about the cost. Please."

"Yeah, but this is not really a special occasion, Jack."

"Sam, any time I get to spend with you is special to me." I blushed as I said
it, aware of how red my neck had to be. But I meant it. I was feeling
overwhelmed by how deeply I was getting attached to him. This was a first for
me. I wasn't just flirting with the guy. This was real. I was falling for
him.

Sam was looking at me with that intense stare again. His sapphire blue eyes
were penetrating, searching for an answer of some kind, I think. I tried to
look away, but realized I didn't want to. I relaxed and looked back into his
eyes, letting him in in a way I didn't understand. A few seconds later, he
nodded once to himself, and a huge smile broke out on his face, which he
tried to hide from me by looking back down at his menu. He must have liked
something he saw in me.

The moment was broken by Jennifer's return with my iced tea and Sam's water
with lemons and limes. Sam ordered a New York strip steak with baked potato
and I ordered the smaller cut Prime Rib with no potatoes. We both helped
ourselves to the extensive salad bar and returned to our table.

"Jack, can I talk to you about some things?" Sam suddenly asked. Ever
curious, I replied, "Of course, Sam. Talk."

He sat up a little straighter in his seat, wiped his mouth with his napkin,
and settled himself into a determined position. "Okay, here goes," he
started.

"Jack, when I met you the other day, I thought I was just there to clean a
pool, same as I do every day. I usually don't even see people at the houses
that we service, or if I do, it's mostly older folks who smile and keep their
distance. No problem. But then...well...you were there, and you were hurting
and...and I don't know, I suddenly...cared about you. I wanted to make the
pain in your head stop. I started running off at the mouth and telling you
what to do and making a mess of it." He looked down, like he was embarrassed
and needed to apologize for something. I thought about interrupting him and
telling him that he did nothing wrong - far from it - but something inside me
said let him talk. So I did.

"The thing is, Jack. I couldn't stop thinking about you after that day. And
it sort of freaked me out. Ever since Jeremy left me, I have been kind of
dead inside. And I was okay with that. I mean, I was in no condition to be in
a relationship with anyone. To be honest, I had no desire whatsoever, even
for sex. Not for the longest time. I came out here to Hawaii to escape the
pain and my fear of a future without Jeremy. I guess somewhere along the way
I got over him. At least I think I have. I don't hurt inside when I think of
his name anymore. I even understand why he did it - sort of." He stopped to
catch his breath and eat a few bites of his salad.

I took a chance and asked him, "Sam, would it help if you told me a little
more about him? You don't have to - I won't pry. We never have to talk about
it ever if you don't want to. I'll understand." He looked at me with tears
welling up in his eyes.

"Jack, I haven't talked much to anyone about it, except Tommy. And my sister
a little bit." He paused, trying to make his decision to continue or not. He
looked at me, and I tried to stay as relaxed and open as I could. I so wanted
to help him, but I had no idea how. He nodded once, again to himself, and
took a deep breath, then blew it out.

"Alright, Jack. Here's the story..."


**********

Sam arrived at UCLA from Connecticut, where he grew up, a freshman with no
friends on campus. His new roommate, Michael, was a basketball player, and a
player with the ladies, too. He made no secret of it, and tried to entice Sam
to join him on his sexcapades. After a few awkward conversations, Sam finally
told Michael that he was gay. Michael backed away from him, physically and
socially, eventually telling another guy on their dorm floor. Scottie was a
redneck hick from the backwoods of Georgia and full of himself. He and
Michael started taunting Sam at dinner one night in front of a bunch of the
other guys in the dorm cafeteria. Tommy Barlow, who turned out to be
Scottie's unfortunate roommate, finally stood up and told both of them to
knock it off. Michael and Scottie stood up and challenged Tommy with the
usual "who's gonna make me" crap, and surprise, surprise, half the table
stood up and said, "we are." That ended the taunting.

It also resulted in a quick conversation with the resident director. Tommy
and Sam, who had just met one another, told the RD about their rooming
situation, and wanting to avoid any dangerous situations, the RD made an
executive decision on the spot. The next day, Michael moved in with Scottie,
and Tommy moved in with Sam. There was no more trouble after that. Michael
and Scottie very shortly after that pledged a fraternity and moved out of the
dorms after  that first semester.

Sam was now out, at least to a lot of the guys in his dorm. But he wasn't
looking for any hookups or a relationship. He didn't believe in random sex
with strangers. A couple of times he started what he thought was a
friendship, but the guy would eventually reveal that all he really wanted was
sex with him.

Jeremy was different. They met halfway through their sophomore year in a
required history class for pre-law majors. Jeremy was kind, sweet, and seemed
genuine enough. It was nearly two months of almost daily get togethers before
they shared their first kiss. It was Sam's first time with a guy. His only
other sexual encounter had been jerking off with a straight buddy from high
school on an overnight camping trip. It never happened again, and they never
talked about it.

Sam was overjoyed to be with Jeremy. Things progressed slowly, eventually
leading to a more sexual relationship. By the end of the school year, they
decided to get an apartment together off campus for their junior year. They
coordinated their schedules so they had most of their classes together. They
also started thinking about which law schools to apply to the next year.

At some point, Sam and Tommy had a serious conversation about this
relationship. There was something about Jeremy that concerned Tommy, but he
couldn't put his finger on it. All he could say to Sam was to be careful - he
didn't fully trust Jeremy, but he didn't know why. But Sam was his friend, so
in the end, he helped Sam move in with Jeremy the next semester, and he was a
frequent guest in their apartment. If Sam wasn't with Jeremy - which wasn't
often - he could usually be found hanging out with Tommy.

Sam eventually told his family, who already knew he was gay, that he had met
someone, and it was becoming serious. His parents wanted to meet Jeremy, as
did his sister and brother-in-law. He tried to set up several visits with
Jeremy over the summer between junior and senior year, but Jeremy kept
changing the plans, citing work issues. Both he and Sam were interning at
different law firms in different states, Sam in Connecticut, and Jeremy in
Arizona. Being away from Jeremy for ten long weeks didn't help, either. Sam
was getting very frustrated sexually; he assumed Jeremy was in a similar
state, though they never talked about it directly.

Senior year started pretty much like they had not been apart at all. The sex
was better than ever, and the highlight of the first semester was getting the
results of their LSAT exams and ultimately being accepted to Washington
University Law School. Jeremy had also been accepted to Arizona State
University's law school, but decided to join Sam in St. Louis. Sam was
awarded a full ride scholarship as an early Christmas present. His father was
over the moon.

Sam tried again to have Jeremy join him and his family over the Christmas
break, but Jeremy discovered his mother had been diagnosed with skin cancer
and he decided he needed to be home with her for the holidays. Sam, being
Sam, understood and did his best to explain the situation of the missing
Jeremy to his parents.

Then in early March, everything fell apart. It was a Friday evening, and Sam
and Jeremy had enjoyed a nice meal at their favorite restaurant. Being
college students on a fixed budget, eating out was a real luxury. But they
both felt like splurging a little, and they eventually found themselves in a
secluded spot where they could hold hands and talk without fear of attack.
Sam took that opportunity to tell Jeremy that he had fallen in love with him,
and hoped that they would spend the rest of their lives together.

At first, Jeremy said nothing. Then he made some half-hearted comments about
mutual feelings without really saying he loved Sam back. They called it a
night and walked back to the apartment, Sam feeling unsure in their
relationship for the first time.

The next morning, things seemed more normal, and they spent a great day
together, bumming around and taking care of the apartment. They did some
studying in the afternoon and then Jeremy said he needed to go out for a few
minutes. He would be back soon. Sam paid no attention. Jeremy was
occasionally going off by himself - said he needed space sometimes - and Sam
of course gave that to him, no questions asked.

After four hours had passed with no Jeremy, Sam started to get worried. He
called Tommy to see if he had seen him or had any idea where he might be.
Tommy tried to reassure Sam, but there was something about Sam's voice that
bothered Tommy. Before he could ask Sam what was really going on, Jeremy
suddenly arrived back at the apartment. Sam and Tommy hung up, and Jeremy
started pacing the living room floor, clearly agitated.

After several urgent promptings from Sam, who was now very concerned, Jeremy
started talking.

When he first met Sam, Jeremy had just discovered he was starting to be
attracted to guys. Previously he had had sex with two different girls, though
he had never told Sam that. Each time the sex had dwindled and Jeremy had
lost interest. He assumed that maybe he wasn't as straight as he thought,
especially when he met Sam and he got excited being around him. So he entered
into the friendship with Sam, and then the deeper relationship that followed.
But the idea of being gay was not something Jeremy was happy about. In the
end, he just didn't want to be gay, despite his friendship with Sam.

Over the previous summer, Jeremy had had an affair with a young female
secretary in the office where he interned. It was just sex, but it was
exactly what he wanted, no strings attached. He was still attracted to men -
and Sam especially - but he was becoming more and more disillusioned with
being in a gay relationship. It didn't help that Sam was constantly putting
pressure on Jeremy to visit his family. For Jeremy, that was the sign that
the relationship was becoming permanent, and he just wasn't ready for that.

He had lied about his mother having cancer - she was fine. It was just the
excuse he gave Sam to avoid having to go to Connecticut for Christmas
holidays to meet Sam's family. He knew Sam would give in under the
circumstances.

The final straw was Sam telling Jeremy that he loved him. Jeremy knew that he
would never be able to love Sam the same way. The fact was, he didn't want
to. He liked the little slice of life they had carved out together. It was
fun and it worked, but there was no way he was going to go any further with a
guy.

And then Jeremy revealed his final secret. He had been in a hidden
relationship with Virginia Martinez, another pre-law student in their class,
for most of the year. They met in a study group and just clicked. He was
thinking he may be falling in love with her, he wasn't sure. That's where he
had been disappearing to when he said he needed space. Jeremy had just spent
the evening with her, and decided it was time to end his relationship with
Sam.

For his part, Sam was silent as Jeremy confessed all his deceptions. At one
point he sat down in a chair far away from where Jeremy was standing for fear
he was going to faint. He put his head down between his legs as Jeremy
prattled on about his concerns and his needs and his lies.

When he finally got around to telling Sam it was over, Sam knew there was
nothing left to fight for. So much of what he thought he had with Jeremy had
been built upon lies. He felt broken and destroyed, by the only man he had
ever allowed himself to love. To love and not be loved in return was the
cruelest joke of all.

Jeremy went silent, and Sam stood up and stared at him, not knowing what to
say, and desperately not wanting to fall apart in front of him. So he
politely said that he needed Jeremy to leave and not be there that night.
Jeremy said okay and turned and walked out. No fight, no screaming, no
threats. Just over.

Sam called Tommy and before he could get a word out, he broke down and
sobbed. He dropped the phone and Tommy heard him wailing in pain. Within
minutes, Tommy was pounding on the door and a broken Sam let him in and
collapsed into his arms. It took Tommy several hours to piece him back
together again and figure out what had happened. Tommy pledged to have Jeremy
physically destroyed for what he had done, but Sam made him promise to do
nothing. It wouldn't be right. Tommy just shook his head and seethed.

Over the next few days, Jeremy moved his stuff out of the apartment under the
watchful eye of Tommy and another guy Tommy brought along for muscle, in case
things got out of hand. There was no mistaking Tommy's hostility, and Jeremy
wisely avoided any provocation. Sam stayed away, not wanting to see Jeremy.

The worst part was that they had so many classes together. It required them
to see each other every day. Classmates who had seen them as a couple for
years, now cringed when they arrived, knowing something very bad had
transpired between them. It eventually got to be too painful for Sam, and at
Tommy's urging, he sought help from the Dean of Students. They worked out a
plan where Sam could complete his course work and protect his GPA and not
have to attend classes more than once per week. Jeremy got the hint and
started missing those classes that Sam attended.

The idea of having to see Jeremy at Washington University in the Fall was too
much for Sam. That's when Tommy suggested he wait a year. Jeremy would get a
year ahead, and they shouldn't have classes together then. Sam needed the
scholarship money to get his degree, so another college was out of the
question. It seemed like the best option. Tommy filled in the gap year by
setting him up in Hawaii, working for his dad.

**********

It had taken the better part of an hour for Sam to tell me what had happened.
Our steaks were devoured along with everything else on our plates, and as a
result, neither one of us was looking for dessert, despite Jennifer's
pleasant urging. Thankfully she had left us alone while Sam was talking.

Sam ordered coffee, and I stuck with my iced tea. I had not said a word
through dinner - I didn't want to interrupt his flow. It was a tough story to
hear. I'm sure it was hard to tell, and even harder to live through. My heart
ached for Sam. I understood now what Tommy meant when he said he couldn't see
Sam go through that again.

"So, Jack. That's the sad saga of Jeremy Reynolds and me." He sat back and
looked at me intensely, like always, waiting for a response. I was seeing a
fragility in him that was not normally visible. I needed to be very careful
in how I handled this part of him.

"Sam. First of all, I wish with all my heart you didn't have to go through
any of that. What he did was awful and there is no excusing his actions. I
can't imagine the pain you felt, but I'm glad that you said you aren't
hurting anymore over him. I'm sure it's been a long, slow road to recovery."
He nodded his head.

"Second, and I said this to Tommy this afternoon, as long as we are friends,
which I hope is a long, long time, I will never be dishonest with you like
that. You will always know where you stand with me. And with Tommy, as I'm
sure you already know. He's definitely got your back. Me too, Sam. You can
count on us. I promise."

A single tear fell out of his left eye while he gazed into mine. He did
nothing to stop it or acknowledge it. He just looked into my soul with those
deep blue eyes of his, and I let him in, the first person ever I had invited
to do so. I was hoping he could see and decide for himself that I was someone
he could trust. It was a big step for him, as well as for me. After a minute
or so, he did what I'd seen him do several times now: he nodded once to
himself - the decision was made - and then his face slowly morphed into a
smile. I could have cried right then, myself. He had decided he could trust
me and I could not believe how that made my heart sing.

There was a crowd waiting to be seated, and as we had had our table for a
long time, I flagged Jennifer and handed her my Visa card. I didn't want Sam
seeing the black Amex card, in case it raised suspicions about money. Sam
excused himself to go the restroom while I waited for the check to sign. I
was just putting my card back into my wallet when Sam returned to the table.

"All set, Jack?" he asked.

"Yep, let's go." We headed out the door, past the people waiting their turn
for a table. The sun had pretty much set, so it was getting darker now. Sam
surprised me by stepping off the curb and heading across the street towards
the beach, instead of his truck. I followed. He apparently had more plans.

I caught up to him in two steps, and he started with his hand hovering near
the small of my back. Oh how I loved it when he did that. It made me feel so
safe and covered. I'm pretty sure it was just second nature to him - he
wasn't even aware he was doing it. That made it all the sweeter to me.

Just across the street there was a parking area at the beach with a couple of
small building structures nearby. We walked past those and then followed a
sidewalk that framed one side of the flat, grassy area that fronted the
beach. At this hour there were not a lot of people around. Sam led us to a
bench and motioned for me to sit down next to him.

"Jack, thank you for dinner. I enjoyed my steak very much. That's two steaks
I've had in one week with you. Woo hoo!" We chuckled together. Then his face
got serious again.

"Jack...I'm not sure how to say what I want to say to you." He stopped,
trying to collect his thoughts. I kept my mouth shut and let him.

"Okay, here's the thing. Like I said before, since I met you I've been
thinking a lot about you. Actually, I never stop thinking about you." He was
facing the water as we talked, but I saw him blush. My big guy blushed! I
smiled and waited for him to continue.

"I like you, Jack. A lot. As a friend, you have been amazing this week. I
feel like I've known you my whole life. It's like there's this connection
between us and I can't figure out where it comes from. But I like it. And I
trust you. That's what is the most surprising thing of all to me. I never
thought I'd trust anyone but Tommy ever again." He turned to look at me, with
that intense look on his face. "You're amazing, Jack Schaeffer." It was my
turn to blush. I didn't know what to say to any of that, so I said nothing.

Sam was still trying to communicate something to me, and he was getting
frustrated with it. He was mentally thrashing around for the right words.

"Sam," I said, gently. "Just tell me..."

He turned to look at me, sighed, then grinned. "Jack...I can't stop thinking
about you. You're a great friend, and I don't want that to ever change.
But...I am also very attracted to you, more and more everyday, in every way a
man can be. And...I want to know if you feel the same about me?"

I'm sure my mouth dropped open as I looked over at him. His declaration left
me speechless. He had just said the words I had wanted to hear from him so
badly - since I first laid eyes on him, really. Now I had a flood of emotions
and hormones and adrenaline and who knows what all else racing through me. I
needed to say something, but my mind was a jumbled mess. I was scrambling for
a coherent thought when Sam parroted my previous words.

"Jack...just tell me." He was grinning. I think he could already tell how I
felt.

A new wave of emotion rose up, and with them came the tears. Tears of joy, of
happiness, of dreams come true. I let them fall slowly as I tried to speak
through the glorious lump in my throat.

"Sam...ever since last Monday, I have thought about nothing but you, either.
I felt the connection to you, also. It was just there, as if it had always
been there. But not knowing if you were gay or not, all I could let myself
hope for was that you would be my friend. I need you to be my friend, Sam,
more than anything. I can't imagine not having you in my life, Sam, no matter
what happens from here on out. So...to answer your question...yes, I
absolutely feel the same way about you." I wiped my eyes with my hands and
shook them. I was grinning so hard my face hurt.

He just looked at me, his eyes beaming. He was so beautiful. I saw a peace
descend over him, like someone changed his whole point of view on life and he
was instantly reset, good as new. It was a marvelous sight to see. I wanted
to reach out and touch him, but I was too scared for that, yet. It was enough
that we had acknowledged our mutual attraction.

"Jack...what an amazing, unexpected surprise you are. I can't believe this is
happening. I just never expected to feel this alive again. And it's all
because of you."

"But Sam, I didn't do anything. You're the one that has been helping me."

"Yes you did, Jack. Somehow getting to know you has fixed a bunch of broken
stuff inside of me. I have hope again, Jack. I thought I had lost that
forever."

Hope. Such a powerful thing. I knew what he was talking about. I had lost all
my hope; Amanda Franklin gave it back to me, in the form of an idea of the
kind of man I could become. Sharon and Billy had added to that vision, and
now I was trying to be that man. Maybe that's what I had inadvertently done
for Sam. I helped him remember the man he had been before Jeremy - and the
man he could be again. And in that process, maybe, just maybe, he would
become my man.

As happy as I was at this blessed turn of events, I still had a very big
problem. I had no idea what to do with him. None. And I was terrified of
screwing things up. I was going to have to rely on Sam to be the gentleman
and guide me through this.

"Sam, I need to ask you some questions."

"Fire away, Jack." He smiled gently at me, and I tried to relax.

"Okay. I don't know how to say this...I...um...I mean I am definitely
attracted to you - most definitely." His smile grew larger, and I blushed.
"But...Sam...I have no experience with any of this. I...I  have never done
anything with anyone, Sam, ever. I mean I know nothing. And...well, I...I'm
scared of doing something wrong. I don't want to disappoint you." I buried my
face in my hands, hoping he couldn't see the shame I felt for being ignorant
about sex and relationships.

Sam put his hand on my back and gently rubbed it. "Jack, look at me for a
minute." I dropped my hands from my face and sat up, turning to face him. I
could do this. I might be afraid, but I could do this.

"First of all, Jack. We won't do anything that the other guy doesn't want to
do. Ever. No matter how long we are together. Agreed?" I nodded my head
vigorously.

"Next, we go at a mutually comfortable pace. I'll be honest with you, Jack.
I'm not exactly ready to have a heavy sexual relationship. I'd be content to
just hang out with you more, show you the islands, spend more time with you.
Don't get me wrong, I think you're a hot guy, and I definitely respond to
you, if you know what I mean. It's just, I'm not the kind of guy who jumps
into bed right away, no matter how strong the attraction. Does that make any
sense?"

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Yeah, Sam. I get it. And that sounds good
to me, too. And I do know what you mean - my body responds pretty strongly to
you, too. I've had to be creative trying to hide it from you and the world."

"So, Jack...you think I'm hot, do you?" He was grinning like a smart ass
again.

"Not even a little bit, you jerk," I replied, laughing and shoving him
lightly on his shoulder. He pretended to fall off the bench and we both broke
into hysterical laughter. It wasn't even that funny, but it felt good to
laugh, releasing the recent tension.

When we calmed down a few seconds later, it was time to go. My watch said it
was 8:30 and Sam still had to drive home. Unlike me, he had to work tomorrow.

"Sam, thanks for another greatest-day-of-my-life. They are piling up when I'm
with you. But I think you should take me home. You have work tomorrow and I
need to...well, I don't know what I need to do. But I'll think of something.
You are coming out to do the pool at the house tomorrow, right?"

"Yep. Should be there around 3."

"Will you stay for dinner?" I asked, hoping for a yes.

"That depends. Will you make me dinner and then sit across from me in the
candlelight and look as beautiful as you do right now?" I felt the heat all
the way to my toes. Geez, this guy is gorgeous and romantic. I'm toast.

"It would be my pleasure, Sam. Most definitely my pleasure." I grinned at him
and he grabbed me around my shoulders and side-hugged me. There is nothing
better in the world than having his arms around me. I was hoping for a lot
more of that in the future. Baby steps, Jack. Baby steps.

We got back in the truck and he drove me home. We sat in the driveway,
neither one of us really wanting the night to end, but knowing that it had
to. Otherwise he was going to be spending the night and neither one of us was
ready for that. At least I didn't think I was.

"Sleep tight, Jack. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

"Anything in particular you'd like for dinner, Sam?" I asked.

"Surprise me, Jack. Just no sushi. Can't do sushi." Ewww. I made a face to
match his. No worries on that front.

I looked at him and he returned my gaze across the truck cab. I grabbed his
one hand briefly and then let go. "Thank you for today, Sam. And please call
me when you get home. And don't say it, you!" I was wagging my finger at him.
He had that smart ass grin going.

"Thank you, Jack, for everything. I'm so glad I found you." He suddenly
looked like he was going to cry. I needed to let him get out of here with
some dignity.

"Be safe, Sam. See you tomorrow." I got out, shut the door, and pushed away
from the truck. He nodded and pulled away. I'm pretty sure he was sobbing
before he got out of the driveway.

He wasn't the only one. I barely got through the humongous front door before
the waterworks started. I wasn't even sure why. Maybe just the pent up
feelings that were left over from today's emotional rollercoaster ride. But I
didn't care. This time I was happy to go on that ride, because Sam was on it
with me.

Then it changed. Without warning, it felt like more than a decade of pent up
frustration and longing to be the real me was flooding out through my sobs. I
was stunned at the intensity and depth of the feelings - it was almost like I
was experiencing every fear, self-doubt, and self-judgment all over again,
all at once. And then just as suddenly as it had started, it was over. As if
I had stepped through a doorway out of the room where all that junk was
keeping me trapped. I was free and it felt wonderful.

I went to my bathroom and blew my nose and dried my eyes. I felt twenty
pounds lighter on the inside. And I couldn't stop smiling. I remembered my
near hysteria at Clyde's office when I had first told Sharon I was gay. It
felt so liberating to be free of all that mess I had carried around all my
life.

I was worn out, emotionally and physically. I needed sleep. I used the
toilet, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and put all my dirty clothes from
the day where they belonged. I made sure the house was locked up, grabbed a
water bottle, and got under the covers. My cell phone was on the nightstand
next to me, waiting for Sam's call.

As I lay there in the dark, my mind kept wandering to images of Sam at the
beach. His hands rubbing lotion through his chest hair. His phenomenally
sculpted ass, outlined in detail in his wet swimsuit. The sun reflecting in
those incredible blue eyes of his that owned my soul. No surprise my dick was
rock hard and my hand was on it like white on rice. I was panting, dreaming
of being held tightly in his arms, feeling his naked flesh against mine. I
was moving my hand all over my own chest, tweaking my nipples, imagining it
was Sam's hands all over me. I did not last long. Just as I started to erupt
all over my chest, my phone rang.

I rode the orgasm to its all too quick end, then grabbed the phone with my
clean hand before I missed the call.

"Hey, Sam," I said, still slightly panting for breath.

"Hey, Jack. You okay? You sound out of breath."

"Yeah, I'm good. I was just thinking about you."

"Good thoughts, I hope."

"Very good thoughts, Sam." I giggled. I couldn't help it.

"Jack, are you being naughty?" He was giggling a little, too.

"Not anymore!" We both burst out laughing. It felt so right.

"Geez, Jack. Now you've got me going. Again! Do you have any idea how hard it
was to see you parading around on the beach today in those board shorts of
yours?"

"You wanna talk hard? I couldn't get up for nearly an hour after you put on
the sunscreen. I nearly passed out. Tommy was laughing at me." Now Sam was
laughing again.

"Well, I guess we both have the hots for each other, eh Jack?" I could almost
see his smart ass grin, but I didn't care. I was too happy to mind.

"Sam, to tell you the truth, I've got it bad for you. I know we agreed to
take it slow, and I really agree with that. I do. But I'm gonna need you to
help me. This is all so new for me, and I don't really know what I'm doing. I
just know I'm the luckiest guy in the whole world to have you as my friend,
and I don't want to screw that up. Please, Sam, stop me if I start to go too
far with things. I don't trust myself right now. I'm...a little worked up, if
you know what I mean." I really did feel a little out of control.

"It's okay, Jack. I'll help you. We'll help each other. And we will see where
things go. I still can't believe this is happening. Until I met you, Jack, I
wasn't sure I would ever want another guy again. I was too...I don't
know...scared, I guess. But with you, I feel great. Can't wait to see you
tomorrow. Looking forward to our dinner." Oh man, I had forgotten about that.
Now I was gonna be spazzing about putting the perfect meal together. Well,
that was tomorrow's problem.

"I can't wait to see you, too, Sam. Be careful tomorrow. I'll see you around
3, right?"

"Yep, I'll be there."

"Great. Good night, big guy."

"Night, little man." He hung up.

As I drifted off to sleep, I realized that my heart was now full of hope.




To be continued...

Author's Note: Sam and Jack begin a relationship together. But there are
challenges facing them very soon. What happens when Jack has to go back to
Denver, leaving Sam behind? Should Jack tell Sam the full story of his
inheritance? Can their budding relationship survive? Stay tuned...

I have the best editors in the whole world. Thank you to Mark, Josh, and
Harry who each add their editor's touch to make this a much better story. We
all appreciate the help, guys!

And thank you, the readers, who make writing this story a real pleasure.